Emily moved about the bedroom, slamming drawers as she went in search of clean pyjamas.
"Something the matter, Love?" Ian asked, looking up from his book with a concerned frown.
"Sixty-seven days," she bit out without elaborating.
He raised a brow at the half-answer, waited a moment for her to elaborate and when she didn't, he prodded, "I'm afraid I don't follow..."
She paused her agitated movements to rest her hands on the dresser, head bowed so she wouldn't have to face him as she confessed in a whisper, "That's how long I was pregnant."
"What do you mean 'was'?" He approached behind her, resting a gentle hand on the small of her back. "Did you...?"
Slowly turning to face him, she admitted on a shuddering breath, "I miscarried..."
Seeing the way her eyes filled with tears, he felt his heart ache for her heartbreak. Wordlessly, he wrapped her in his arms, just held her as she cried silent tears. "I, umm... I didn't know you were..." he stuttered once her breathing had evened out.
She let out a shaky sigh. "I was waiting to tell you at Christmas. I wanted to surprise you and Declan." She shook her head. "And now..."
"You couldn't have known this would happen, Em," he soothed, rubbing a hand up and down her spine and feeling the tension keeping her muscles rigid; it was clearly taking every fibre of her being to hold herself together just then.
"I wanted this baby," she whispered. "I wanted it so badly... Why? Why did this happen?"
He gently lead her to sit on the bed, knelt down in front her. "It isn't your fault – these things just happen." He held both of her hands in his, squeezing them gently to ground her. Pressing a kiss to her knuckles – first one hand, then the other, he reassured, "We'll try again, when you're ready."
She shook her head once, twice, eyes shut tight. "I can't... I don't..." She swallowed thickly. She couldn't even begin to fathom how she could do this a second time, risk this heartache a second time.
He could tell the subject was still too raw. Tenderly tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he said, "Let's just go to bed, Love. We'll deal with this in the morning." He gently pushed her to lay back, pulled the covers up over he, pressed a kiss to her forehead.
Letting out a little whimper, in a voice barely there at all, she said, "I don't want to wake up tomorrow."
"Why don't you call in sick tomorrow?" he suggested.
"Yeah." She nodded readily. "Yeah, I don't think I can handle serial killers right now."
Emily's phone rang at 6:30 AM.
Ian groaned, rolled over and reached over top of her to look at her phone. "It's work," he mumbled blearily. "Do you want me to tell them you're sick?"
She glanced at the alarm clock. "It's a case," she rasped, voice thick with sleep and tears. She gestured for the phone and before he could protest, she answered it.
When she hung up, she immediately climbed out of bed, leaving him staring at her, stunned. "I thought you were staying home today?"
"I can't," she insisted. "There's a case."
"Em, you've just been through a very real tragedy," he protested. "You can't just return to work like nothing happened."
Her voice was meek and, if he wasn't mistaken, a little helpless as she said, "I don't have any choice."
"She was pregnant..." Emily choked out, the words getting caught on the tears currently clogging her throat.
"What?" Ian answered the call sleepily, given that it was late into the night. He rubbed his knuckles into his eyes in an attempt to wake up a little more so he could follow the conversation. "Who?"
She shook her head once, twice, before she was able to answer in a raspy voice, "The UnSub's girlfriend. Hearing those words, I just... I froze. It was like realizing all over again that I'm not."
"Em, where are you?" he asked, pushing himself to sit up, suddenly much more awake.
She sniffled, clearly doing her best to keep the tears at bay. "I locked myself in the bathroom," she whispered, "I'm crying in the middle of a police station and I can't tell a single person why."
Before he could reply, there was a knock at the bathroom door. "Emily?" JJ asked, "Are you alright?"
"Fine," she replied, voice betraying her with its slight warble.
Having heard the exchange over the speaker phone, he gently encouraged, "You should tell her." A beat. "You need a friend right now."
"Are you sure?"
In spite of his natural instinct to keep everything close to the chest, to never let people in and provide them ammunition with which they might do him harm, he knew that Emily couldn't do this on her own. "Much as I might like to be the one comforting you right now, I can't."
She knew how much it was costing him to say that and she was struck once again by just how lucky she was to have him, how wrong everyone was about him. "I love you," she murmured.
Hearing the lock flick open, JJ poked her head into the little bathroom. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked gently, "You've been really quiet..."
She shook her head, settled herself back against the wall. "I... Umm... I had a miscarriage last night," she confessed.
"Oh, Em..." she breathed, "I'm so sorry, I..." She trailed off, seeing the expression on Emily's face and dropped to her knees to pull her into an embrace.
"You were right," Emily whispered. "I want to be a mother, so badly. I'm just... I'm not sure that's ever going to happen."
Settling next to her on the floor, JJ wrapped an arm around Emily's shoulders, pulling her into her side. "It will happen," she promised. "I know it will. One day, I'm sure of it."
Emily let out a shaky, almost hysterical laugh. "Thanks," she said softly. "I'm glad you think so."
"Why don't we go to the hotel?" JJ suggested. "It's late and we're not going to solve this tonight."
"JJ?" Emily halted her before she could open the door.
"Your secret's safe with me."