Chapter 17: I Will Not Lose You Part 2
Two hours passed and still no word about Dick's condition had been released. Everyone waited in the waiting room outside anxiously, but none more than Bruce who sat with his heart threatening to pound out of his chest and crumble into dust. For another few minutes it was silent, only the sound of the hanging clock ticking filling the space, but then a doctor finally came out. Before anyone could even get out of their seat Bruce practically sprinted to the Doctor.
"Where is my son, what is going on?!" Bruce asked scarily, ironically even more so with his mask off since now all his fatherly rage was on display.
"Your son is in critical condition Batman, he has some very serious internal bleeding and his broken ribs aren't helping. His body, particularly his legs and arms, are covered in second degree burns. He's also lost a lot of blood from some severe wounds. We need an immediate blood transfusion, but we aren't sure what his blood type is." The doctor spit out quickly and fearfully.
"He's O negative, and so am I, now put the damn needle in me!" Bruce said as he practically ripped off his glove and then speedily rolled up his sleeve.
"Of course sir, right this way!" The doctor answered as he led Bruce through the doors.
Immediately several others tried to follow but were stopped by a nurse who told them the doctor needed absolute quiet to start on the several procedures that needed to happen in order to save Dick's life. Taking the nurses' words seriously they all sat back down now waiting for Bruce to return with hopefully good news. Another half hour passes by when Bruce returns, gauze wrapped around his right elbow, he looked angrier than ever.
"What's happening?"
"Is Dick ok?"
"How does he look?"
Suddenly Bruce was bombarded with questions which then made him yell.
"Enough questions, I don't know anymore than you do! They didn't even let me see my son!"
Immediately Bruce stormed off, unable to take another moment of the madness, chaos, and stress. From then on everyone took the hint, now was not the time to barade Batman and they needed to give the poor man some space.
Two hours later
Bruce laid in his private quarters only accompanied by Dick's stuffed Elephant and his Kevlar bat blanket. He had Alfred bring them up to the watchtower thinking Dick would want them when he woke, but he ended up just cuddling them himself. They gave him great comfort as they were covered in the sweet almost baby smell like scent of his son. They brought back many memories, one in particular, especially since he would give anything to hear his son say this word to know he was ok, the first time Dick had called him daddy.
Last August
It was late at night, almost midnight, and the barely five year old Dick Grayson tossed and turned in his bed. He'd been sprayed the other night by Scarecrow's fear gas, and despite being given the antidote it's residual effects were making his almost nightly nightmares worse. It had only been his fifth mission and Bruce had no plans of this happening but the supervillain had shown up unexpectedly. The little bird did his best to fight off the criminal and it was going well till the malicious psycho had pulled out a pumpkin bomb and gassed the poor protégé.
After this Scarecrow received the beating of a lifetime and wound up back in Arkham in a body cast, but that didn't help the effects of the gas on his poor little ward. Immediately the dark knight took Dick home and gave him the antidote, but being so small and so young he knew Dick would still suffer some affects.
Anyways as the minutes progressed Dick's tossing turning grew more violent, even more so than some of his worst nightmares. Eventually with a blood curdling scream and in a cold sweat Dick woke up panting and breathing heavily. Frantically the little boy looked around him ready to jump at the smallest noise. For a few minutes he did this and luckily saw nothing, making him start to calm down a little. But then just as he was about to settle a great wind blew and made one of his curtains blow out. As the little boy turned his head his eyes about popped out of his skull as his fear gas affected mind turned the mix of billowing curtains and shadows into his greatest fear Tony Zucco. Filled with a desperate desire to live and driven by fear the boy ran screaming out his room calling for the only man who could make him feel safe.
At that point Bruce had come out of the batcave and was walking to go up the stairs when a shrill scream reached his ears. Sounding like a herd of stampeding Bruce watched as his ward came running round the corner screaming bloody murder.
"Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! Help me, he tryin ta kill me!" Dick screamed as he ran towards his mentor down the stairs.
Bruce immediately squared down and gathered the little boy into his arms as soon as he was in reach.
"Dick calm down, who is after you?" Bruce asked, trying to remain calm but internally freaking out.
"Tony Zucco he's in da house and trying ta kill me!" Dick hysterically panicked as he gripped onto Bruce for safety.
Bruce protectively held his child but as he waited for the mobster who killed his ward's parents for several minutes he knew something was off. He pulled Dick away from his chest as much as possible to ask what was going on, but after he got one look at his eyes he knew the problem. Within his partner's baby blue eyes he saw consuming and paralyzing fear, fear that could only be produced by fear gas.
"Dickie you need to calm down, it's just the effects of the gas, Tony Zucco isn't really here. Now breathe, little bird breath." Bruce said gently as he rubbed his boy's little back comfortingly.
Never looking away from his mentor's eyes Dick slowly but surely started to slow his breathing. Comforted and calmed by his mentor's safe presence, soothing back rubs, and calming gaze Dick started to think more rationally again and his breathing went back to normal.
"Good boy, do you feel better now?" Bruce asked in a sweet tone not commonly used with anyone else but Dick.
Dick didn't even answer but instead started to sob, concerning Bruce even more.
"Dickie please stop crying, tell me what's the matter?" Bruce asked as he went back to rubbing the five year olds back.
"I..I..so mad at myself! I'm always gettin in trouble…and so scared. All I do… is make things.. harder for you! I'm useless!" Dick sobbed in a grieving tone.
"Dick what are you talking about?! You are not useless, you're new to all this, it's hard work and it takes getting used to." Bruce assured trying to comfort the boy.
"No! You didn't catch the bad guy last night cause I got hurt! An you can't do da stuff you need to, so you can take care of me!" Dick sobbed only harder.
"Now Dick look here, you did not make it so Scarecrow got away! He was already out of reach and he gassed you to make sure you learned to be afraid. But you, my dear child, are the bravest little boy out there. Not too many children can face scary and dangerous criminals with such bravery or fight even when it gets hard. Batman gets scared too, everyone does, but what matters is how we face our fears and overcome our challenges. And you do not keep me from important things, you've made me realize what is important. You through your smiles, care, and love, have shown me what I was missing in life. Yes I take care of you , but you take care of me too and make sure I do the things I need to do rather than what I want to do. You have only made life better both as Bruce Wayne and Batman, and don't you forget that, because I.. I… I love you Dickie. I love you more than anything else and I wouldn't give you away for anything in this world." Bruce confessed, knowing his child needed to know how much he meant to him.
Sobbing still but this time with happy tears Dick tightly hugged Bruce around the neck, feeling safe, at home, and loved in his strong arms.
"Do ya really mean that?" Dick asked just for reassurance.
"I mean it with all my heart." Bruce said as he then uncharacteristically but very lovingly kissed the little boy's forehead.
With a content smile on his face Dick laid his head on Bruce's shoulder and closed his eyes. But before the boy was fast asleep he muttered something that would change their relationship forever.
"I love you too…daddy." Dick mumbled out before he finally was asleep.
In that moment Bruce's heart stopped and time froze, he had been given the title of daddy. The boy he considered his very own child his….son, called him one of the most sacred names a child could call you. A wide smile spread across Bruce's face as he drew in and snuggled his baby a little closer. As he carried his son up the stairs Bruce made a promise that day, similar to the one he made to Dick when he first adopted him only this time with much more meaning. He would protect this boy until his dying breath, he would not lose him like he had his parents. He would keep him safe until his dying breath for Dick was from now and until the end of time HIS son.
Once he made it to Dick's bedroom he gingerly laid him on his bed and gently as possible laid his blanket and sheets over him. He then tucked him in snuggly and made sure to tuck in his precious Peanuts atwith him as well. With all that done and unable to resist or hold back any more affection, Bruce bent over and kissed his son's forehead once more.
"I love you more little bird, more than you could ever understand." Bruce said with a tender love that he'd never known before nor understood until that moment.
Having said all he needed to and comforted with the fact his son was safe and calm Bruce turned around and silently left the room. As he closed the door the euphoria he felt from being called daddy only grew as he finally after so many years felt he really mattered to someone and that they mattered just as much.
Back in the Present
Bruce's eyes leaked happy tears as he reminisced on that special day, but also sad tears as his fear of losing that special little boy filled him with a pain that couldn't be spoken. As Bruce contemplated this his door suddenly opened, to reveal an out of breath Oliver.
"Bruce it's Robin he's stable! The doctors said they were able to stop the bleeding, we can see him now!" Oliver practically shouted.
Without a single word Bruce was up from the bed, Dick's blankie and elephant in his hands, and sprinting to the hospital wing. His paternal worries were through the roof, he needed to see his son, see that he was alive and at least recovering. Within minutes he was in Dick's hospital room breathing heavily looking frantically around for his son. After calming down a little bit he saw his son lying unconscious and wrapped in several sets of bandages. Immediately he sat in the seat right next to the bed and took his son's tiny hand into his ginormous ones.
"Dickie wake up, Dickie it's me daddy! Please, little bird, open your eyes, daddy needs you to open your eyes!" Bruce begged desperately as he sequenced his child's hand.
But despite his pleading Dick didn't stir, even a little bit.
"I'm afraid he hasn't been responsive since before the surgery. It's mostly likely because his body is using all its energy to help him recover from such intense injuries. But give him time he'll wake up soon enough." The doctor told the hero, trying his best to emphasize the good news.
However Bruce made no response, instead he remained silent, focusing all his energy on watching over his ailing son. Taking the hint that the bat didn't want to talk, the doctor left to go tell the other's still waiting outside that it was ok to come in and see Dick.
Three days later
Over the course of the three days that had passed many heroes had come and gone to visit poor little Dick. They almost did all the same things they tried desperately to get Dick to wake up or at least open his eyes, comfort Bruce that it was all going to be ok, try to get him to leave and get something to eat or some sleep, and then leave when they were unsuccessful. For despite their attempts Dick hadn't even so much as stirred in his sleep, he was deathly still.
However in all that time Bruce hadn't left his seat, he didn't want to risk his baby waking up or needing him for something and then him not being there. Throughout that time when visitors weren't in the room Bruce did everything he could think of to wake his child up. He would have Alfred make Dick's favorite meals and desserts to entice his senses, he'd try to play little games like mad libs and gofish to awaken his playful spirit, and even tried having Wally and Roy come in. This only resulted in two tearful and sad little boys as they saw their baby brother in such a terrible state.
At the moment Bruce read to his unconscious son his favorite books desperately hoping he'd awaken and smile. The book he was currently reading was the two's special nightmare comfort book, Love You Forever. If there was a night where Dick couldn't or wouldn't sleep after a nightmare Bruce pulled out the book and read it till Dick finally fell into a peaceful slumber. Only he wasn't trying to get him to sleep this time, but rather get him to remember he had people who loved him and needed him.
"If he really was asleep, she picked up that nine year old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and while she rocked him she sang:
"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be."
As Bruce read tearfully the sweet little rhyme he looked over to the little boy beside him. But much to his despair Dick was still unconscious without a single quiver of movement. Setting the book aside Bruce cried, for the first time since the explosion he just let himself cry. He felt guilty and useless, it was because of him his son was in the state he was, he couldn't protect his child like he was supposed to. Now Dick was practically in a coma that he could possibly never wake from.
Two days later
As more time passed and Dick's condition seemingly got worse, hope became more and more scarce. Everyone cried at one point or another, many thinking it was coming time to say goodbye to the precious little angel of the Justice League. But Bruce barely even registered their presence in the room as his sole focus was on his son. He held his tiny hands firmly in his, afraid to let go in case his child flew away from him and left him all alone once again.
An hour passed and no visitors had come in so it was just Bruce, Dick, and the slow beep of the heart rate monitor. The entire time Bruce just stared at him with bloodshot eyes and an unshaven face full of bristle. He remained in silence for a while longer till he couldn't keep what he had in his heart contained for a second longer.
"Dickie, I don't know if you can hear me, but please wake up. We all miss you so much, it's too quiet without your sweet and happy laughter and we don't know how much longer we'll major without your natural sunshine and that beautiful smile if yours. Daddy misses you a lot, I can barely sleep without you close to me. Batman needs his partner, it won't be much of a dynamic duo with just a single hero. Please wake up, I love you little bird, you've changed me, made me into a better and happier man." Bruce spilled out tears leaking from his eyes.
But despite his heartfelt speech silence still filled the air, making Bruce's heart break even more than it already had. For a few moments it was just quiet till one last thing passed into his thoughts to try.
"You know little bird, you taught me this song that always made you feel better. It was from your home country and you said your parents used it to help you sleep. But you see the truth is it didn't just help you it helped me too, it helped me to cope with my own pain and it brought me so much happiness as it would put you into a sweet and peaceful sleep. If that's what you want to do, I'll learn to accept that but maybe this one time it'll convince you to wake up and stay with me and hopefully feel just as much peace and love."
Bruce closed his eyes and started to hum the tune with his husky baritone voice.
"Vo pole bereza stoyala, Vo pole kudryavaya stoyala, Lyuli, lyuli, stoyala. Lyuli, lyuli, stoyala…"
In Dick's Mind
It was dark and Dick was all alone, he looked around hoping to find something or someone to help him. However as he continued to do so something caught his eye. It was a faint but bright light off in the distance and he felt it calling to him. So slowly the little boy moved towards it, feeling a warm sensation in his chest as he drew closer. Eventually he was surrounded by clouds and a beautiful blue sky making the boy's jaw drop in awe.
"Păsărică!" A voice called out.
Dick looked around him for the source of the voice till his eyes set in two people standing side by side. Immediately he recognized them as his parents and with great joy ran to them.
"Mama! Tati! It's you!" Dick squealed with pure joy as he jumped into their arms.
The two tightly hugged their precious little baby as he did the same in return.
"Mama, Tati, I missed you!" Dick cried into their shoulders.
"As have we Păsărică, we are so happy to see you again. You have grown so much, little one." Mary Grayson said as she took in the sight of her child.
"I know mama I'm a big boy now!" Dick squealed excitedly.
"Of course you are, now come with us it's time to meet the rest of your family. They're so excited and anxious to meet you!" John Grayson said as he held out his hand to his son.
Dick excitedly reached out to take his father's hand when suddenly deep and melancholy singing reached his ears. Within seconds of hearing it he immediately knew whose voice it was.
"Daddy!" Dick called out as he turned around.
In turn the singing only grew louder and Dick's desire to pass on shrunk but his desire to see his family he had on earth grew.
"What is it my child, what's wrong?" Mary asked concerned.
"My daddy, he sounds so sad and lonely. I can hear my aunties and uncles too! They sound so sad!" Dick said as he had tears leaking from his eyes.
"Then you must go to them, your purpose in life isn't finished yet." John said as he crouched and put his hand lovingly on Dick's tiny shoulder.
"But tati what about you and mama, I miss you so much and I wanna stay with you too!" Dick said rather sadly, torn between the two worlds.
"We miss you too Păsărică, but we will meet again someday. Hopefully after you've had a long wonderful life with a family of your own. Now go, your new family needs you and your beautiful sunshine more than we do." Mary said comfortingly.
Immediately Dick hugged Mary and John and the two wrapped their arms tightly around their little boy.
"I love you mama and tati." Dick cried as he hugged his parents tighter.
"We love you too little one." Mary and John said lovingly and at the same time.
As the family hugged, Dick felt hazy and pain started to cover his mind and body. Soon enough he felt himself blink his eyes open and as he started to focus he saw Bruce looking down with tears in his eyes, holding his little hand, and singing his lullaby.
"Da.da…daddy?" Dick asked hopefully.
Bruce immediately froze as every part of his body hoped he wasn't dreaming. Nervously he lifted his head only to feel his heart swell with happiness as he saw his baby boy with his eyes open and looking at him.
"Baby you're awake, daddy was so worried about you!" Bruce cried with happy and relieved tears as he quickly but very gently scooped up his baby.
The relieved father cradled and snuggled his son close to his chest determined to never let him go.
"Daddy…I saw mama an tati." Dick said tiredly as he laid his head on his father's warm and comforting chest.
"You did, what did they say?" Bruce asked, rather worried.
"They said… they loved me and missed me…they asked me to come with them to heaven."
Bruce was silent, having no words to react to such a fact, but then Dick continued talking.
"But then I heard you singing…my lullaby daddy…you sounded so sad and it made me sad…I couldn't leave you and everyone else..because I…love you too much." Dick managed to get out as his aching body made him only want to sleep.
"I love you too baby, and you're right daddy was very sad. I don't know what I would've done if you'd died Dickie, you're daddy's little ball of sunshine and taking it away would break my heart." Bruce sobbed at this point, honored his son, chose him and continued to live.
"Yous mine too daddy…I don't know what I'd do without you." Dick said as a smile spread across his face.
Bruce kissed his son's forehead and then just stood there for a moment rocking and holding his baby. He truly was his one and only baby, the thing he'd gladly give his life for or risk everything to save. He couldn't live without his little bird who had taught him how to love again and that life was more than just his mission for justice. After a few moments of alone time, Bruce knew others were anxious to see his son was ok, so he swaddled Dick in his bat blankie and gave him Peanuts for some comfort.
"I know you're tired, little bird, but everyone wants to know if you're ok. Do you think you have the strength for a few little visits?" Bruce asked lovingly not wanting to push us baby too hard.
Dick simply nodded his head and then nestled it in Bruce's thick neck. Bruce smiled and then carried his child out the door leaving the hospital room for the first time in many days, feeling the happiest and most complete he'd felt in a very long time.