"Do you want to tell me why there is dilaudid in the safe?" Hotch asked in a stern tone as he came into my study without knocking.
"I brought it back from Reid's this morning and didn't want to dispose of it while Jack was around, so I was waiting for him to go to bed tonight."
"How do you dispose of it?"
"Mix it in with something likes used coffee grounds or cat litter, and then put it in a leak-proof bag and throw it away. I supposed it could be flushed, too."
"I'll get rid of it." He said with a dismissive tone. He left the room and closed the door behind him. He was mad at me about it, I just wasn't sure why. I sighed to myself and got up. I found him in the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water.
"So why are you so upset?"
"I'm not upset, Emily. I am uncomfortable having it here with Jack…and with you."
"What did you want me to do with it?"
"Not bring it home!" He raised his voice a little too much this time. Jack would have overheard from the living room. I felt tears spring to my eyes and I tried desperately to make them go away. "Emily…" He sighed, looking at my shining eyes.
"Why is it a knife fight every time we talk lately? I am trying so hard, Aaron. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it."
He dropped his head with a sad sigh and stood for a few seconds before looking at me again, "I don't want—hey buddy." He changed his sentence midway. I looked over my shoulder and saw Jack walking in. He was glancing between us wearily.
"You're fighting?" He asked in a small voice.
"We're not fighting Jack. Are you hungry? It's almost time for me to start dinner, but you can have a little snack if you want."
"Juice?" He asked. Hotch got the juice for him while Jack stood staring at me.
"What?" I asked.
"You look like you're gonna cry."
I smiled at him, "I'm fine, honey, I promise." I motioned to Hotch and he took the juice, thanked him, and then left the room again.
Hotch settled against the counter, leaning towards me, "I don't want you to do anything to fix this, Emily. This has nothing to do with you, and I'm sorry that I am treating you this way. I really don't mean to be this much of an ass."
I smiled weakly, "So why are you acting this way if it isn't to do with me?"
He sighed and I could tell his next words were hard for him to get out, "I have been feeling a little insecure in our relationship as of late. It's obvious that Morgan is a better, more suitable choice for you. I'm just a little worried that you're going to realise that soon.
"And you refusing to talk to me about your therapist appointments is making me think you don't trust me."
"I do trust you, with everything Aaron. I don't want to talk yet because a premature conversation about it before I can fully comprehend what I want, could jeopardise our relationship. It's not anything bad, it could just end in conflicting opinions that one or both of us can not overlook.
"I am tired of fighting over Morgan. I didn't ask for him to have feelings for me, or to tell me or you about them. I could have chosen him way before I started seeing you, and I didn't because I didn't want to. This is just as shitty for me as it is for you. I feel guilty for hurting him, I've lost my best friend, and now I feel like I'm on the verge of losing you, too."
"You're never going to lose me." He said quietly after a couple of seconds of silence. I looked up and met his eyes. I smiled, and he walked around the corner to kiss me, soft but full.
"I love you. I'm sorry for making you feel insecure and thank you for telling me."
"I love you too."
On Monday morning, I had spent some time in Garcia's office before going to my own desk. When I got there though, only JJ was here. Morgan's phone and bag were on his desk, but I couldn't see him anywhere. Reid's desk was still unoccupied.
"He's in Hotch's office." She said without even looking up from her computer.
I glanced at the office for a second to see the blinds closed. All I could really do was sit and work. I began to attend to my emails.
Twenty minutes in, I heard Hotch's door open and close. A few seconds later, I felt Morgan touch my shoulder. He pulled my hand to stand and then he hugged me tightly. It took a second of shock for me to reciprocate the hug. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry." He spoke low in my ear so that JJ, along with the rest of the bullpen, wouldn't hear.
I pulled back and looked at him, "For what?"
"For handling this so immaturely that you feel like you've lost me. Come get a coffee." He motioned for me to follow him. We went to the breakroom and he closed the door behind him. I poured out two cups and we sat down at the table. "He said there have been a lot of arguments at home revolving around me. I'm sorry."
I smiled, "Not your fault, it's ours. I just feel like you and I went from best friends to awkward colleagues, and I don't know how to function like that with you."
"I don't want it to be like that. I said I had feelings; I didn't say I was in love with you. I love you and I love Hotch and I just want both of you to be happy. Your wedding isn't going to send me into a downward spiral, and I'm not going to decline my invitation. I will be there to celebrate the two of you and I will be happy about it."
I smiled, "Thank you."
"It might reassure you that I am okay with it when I tell you that Hotch just told me he wanted me to be one of his groomsmen and I accepted."
"Thank you." I repeated. He nodded and got up. He returned to his desk, and I followed a step behind him. When he sat down, he began telling JJ and I about how he saw Reid yesterday and thought he was doing better.
It wasn't too long before we caught a case. I felt more comfortable in the conference room now that I knew Morgan wasn't secretly holding any resentment against Hotch or me. The flight to Missouri was more comfortable as we all sat together and talked after we reviewed the case like we did previous to Morgan's confession.
Working with him alone in the field felt familiar again. We discussed our personal lives on our commute to different tasks instead of sitting in an awkward silence.
I was happy again now that I knew he was still here.
There was another argument the next weekend, this time about my disinclination to tell my mother about our relationship…or our engagement and impending marriage. Eventually, after he didn't kiss me goodnight, I told him I would call her.
The following morning, I called her and asked if she was home at the moment. She was, and I asked if we could get dinner. She offered to host, and I told her there would be three of us attending. She seemed weary, but she wasn't stupid; she would make the connection that I was introducing her to someone.
The next Friday, we finished up a local case, ran home to get changed and look as nice as we could, and headed over the other side of D.C to my mother's house. I walked slowly up the path to the door. Jack was in awe of how large the house was, and Hotch seemed nervous like I was. I rang the doorbell and looked down at Jack when I heard him speak, "Who lives here?"
"My mother." I smiled at the boy. The door opened and her maid greeted us. She took our coats and smiled warmly at Jack before she told me my mother was in the living room, and she went the opposite direction.
I looked at Hotch a step behind me and he squeezed my hand in support before pushing me to go.
"Hi mother." I said as I entered the room. She stood and turned to face us, and then paused. She looked at Jack, and then Hotch for a few seconds before returning her eyes to me. She didn't look happy. "You remember Aaron…and this is his son, Jack."
"Hi." Jack said shyly.
She didn't reply, but she tried to force a smile to him. I spoke up again quickly, "We're going to have a nice dinner here to meet my mother, okay Jack? It's going to be a nice evening, we're all going to have a nice time, right mother?"
She forced another smile, "What would everyone like to drink?"
"Wine would be great, thanks."
"Aaron?" She looked at him.
"A beer if you have it, thank you. Jack will just have water."
Once she served our drinks, it was an awkward silence to begin with. She was quiet and I wasn't sure what to talk about. I drank my entire glass back and she sighed before refilling it for me. I thanked her quietly, however, I realised that when I held my glass out for her to pour the wine, I held it with my left hand, and she saw the ring. "So, you thought it would be a good idea to get engaged to your boss?" She asked critically once she was seated again.
I sighed, "Mother…"
"How does the rest of your team feel about this?"
"They're happy for us." I said simply.
"And when you're on a case, do you—"
"After we're married I will not be staying on the team." I cut her off.
"You're leaving your team? The team you've worked your entire career to get to?"
"Yes. Obviously we cannot be on the same team when we're married. I want to marry him, so I will be transferring out to another department after the wedding."
"Hm," She hummed before sipping her wine, "How old are you, Jack?" She turned her attention to him. I let out a breath and looked at Hotch at my side. He smiled sympathetically and then listened to my mother and his son talk.
Surprisingly, she was good with him. She smiled and listened closely as he spoke.
When we sat down for dinner, it was quiet. Jack spoke up a bit with all three of us, but between the adults, there weren't many words.
Eventually, the night came to a close and we left the house. Once in the car, I groaned to myself and dropped my head back into the headrest. Hotch placed a comforting hand on my thigh as he drove back home. I glanced into the backseat to see Jack asleep in his seat already. I looked back to Hotch and bit my lip before speaking, "I'm sorry for the cold evening. I was reluctant to tell her because I knew she would act like that. She likes you, she always has, but she does not like me."
"It's okay. Let's just get home, get Jack into bed, and I'll try to fix your night." He glanced at me with a small smirk.
"Mm, I like the sound of that." I smiled to myself as I looked out my window.
Once home, he carried Jack upstairs and tucked him into bed. The boy woke for a second at the move when being taken out of the car but was asleep again by the time Hotch laid him down.
I went straight to our bedroom and stripped my dress off. I brushed my hair out and before I could get out of my underwear, Hotch was here to do it for me. He laid me on the bed and kissed down my stomach before removing my panties. He returned to my lips and kissed me a few times before whispering "relax" in my ear.
Our sex life had seemed almost non-existent the past month, but now it was back and frequent since the issue with Morgan had been resolved.