I had left work an hour early to go pick up Jack from preschool, drop him off to Jessica, and then get to my late therapist appointment.
Hotch had a late meeting and wouldn't be home until after Jack's bedtime, so I gave Jessica a time that I would be back to collect him and that I could give him dinner if she didn't want to.
The appointment helped me solidify my decision to finally talk to Hotch about what had been going on. She advised that I do it as soon as possible. I figured tonight would be as good as any.

Once I left there and got Jack, I took him to his favourite pizza place and let him play on the arcade games for a little while after eating before I told him it was time to go.
I got him home, got him to have a bath, and then read him four books before he finally gave in and went to sleep.

I went downstairs and poured myself a glass of wine. I glanced at my watch and saw that Hotch would be home any minute now. I skulled the first glass, poured myself a second, and sat down.

Hotch arrived home twenty minutes later. I was on my third glass, and I had gotten a beer from the fridge and put it down on the dining table across from me when I heard his car pull into the garage. I motioned to the beer when he came in and greeted me with a kiss. "Is everything okay?" He asked, clearly finding the offered beer and my wine unusual on a work night.

"Yes, I'm just ready to talk about it. If you're too tired, we can do it another time. I don't mind."

"Of course not. Let me run up and kiss Jack and get out of my suit, and then I'll be down." He kissed me again and then headed upstairs quickly.
It didn't take him long, and he sat down across from me and took a couple of sips from his beer before looking at me, "So, tell me what's been going on."

I let out a breath and sat up straight in the chair, "On that bad day when my car didn't start, my therapist decided that she wanted to look further into the miscarriage, because it had to do with that. She asked me a myriad of questions, and then at the end of the appointment, she told me that I wasn't depressed about losing the baby. It was sad, yes, but I didn't even know I was pregnant, so I had no attachment to that baby or that pregnancy. She said she was pretty confident that I had successfully let go of that. And then she told me that the depression was stemming from my second loss of becoming a mother.
"The abortion when I was 15 meant that I wasn't a mother, and then this miscarriage happened and that was my second chance, gone. She told me to think about it, and I have – extensively – and then she told me to think about trying again."

He seemed unsure of what to say, "And you thought about that extensively too." He filled in for me. I managed a small nervous smile, but just nodded. "And you decided?" He prompted.

"I decided that I do want to try," I looked at him. I couldn't really read his expression, "If you want to. If you don't want that anymore then that's okay too." I added quickly.

He smiled, his dimples popping out, "Relax, Emily. My mind hasn't changed. Let's have a baby." He shrugged his shoulders.

I sighed in relief, "Really?"

"Yes, Emily. You want to be a mother and I am going to make that happen for you. I want you to have everything you want," He assured, "So do you want to start trying on your next ovulation stint or do you want to wait until after the wedding?"

"That's another thing. Um…a couple of weeks or so before Maeve happened, Garcia pulled me aside and told me about this fertility test where they do blood tests and the results basically tell you an estimate of how many childbearing years you have left. She booked herself and me in without my knowledge, but I went…and my results weren't terrible, but they weren't great either."

"Expand." He said simply.

"Really, I still have a few more years left to conceive…but based on the time it can take for someone my age to fall pregnant in the first place…means we should have started trying like two years ago."

"Okay…well we can't go back in time, so what are our options?"

I sighed, "I spoke to my OB/GYN about that, and she said that we can just try ourselves like the majority do and we have a decent chance, mostly because due to the job I am a lot healthier than most women my age. Also more stressed, though. She did say we could consider IVF, or we could just have her monitor us and help as much as she can medically. You know, medication, trying to help pinpoint my ovulation perfectly, monitoring me a lot. And she offered to freeze a few eggs now so that if those former options don't work, then surrogacy."

"Have you thought about what you would prefer doing?"

"I have, but you get a say in this too. It's not all my decision," I smiled, "Since we don't have decades left, I figure we should start now, rather than wait for after the wedding. I mean, we don't have a single thing planned, let alone a date for it. I also would prefer to just stop taking the pill and track my ovulation the best I can and try it ourselves to begin with."

"Okay." He nodded.

"…You don't want to propose your own plan, or take a few days to think about it?"

"Emily, I am happy enough that you've reconsidered having a baby with me. I don't care how or when we do it."

"Well…how about we try six months on our own. If that doesn't work, then six months with the medication and monitoring. If that doesn't work, then we look at IVF?"

"Sounds like a plan. So should we start right now?"

"I'm not ovulating for another week."

"Well, then let's just practise." He got up and took my hand. He kissed me passionately before guiding me to go out of the room towards the staircase.
He made sure all the doors and windows were locked, set the alarm, and turned the lights out before coming upstairs. By the time he joined me in our bedroom, I was already completely undressed and laying in the middle of the bed. I smirked at him and dropped my knees to the side, leaving myself open for his viewing. After a few seconds to appreciate the view, his mouth was between my legs.

He held a hand over my mouth at my first peak to try and keep me quiet, and then before I had fully come down from that high, he was inside of me. I gasped out at the intrusion; a little bit of pain present due to how sensitive I was. He kissed me and whispered in my ear to ask if I was okay. I asked for a moment, and he waited until I gave him permission to go for it.
We practised twice before finally settling into sleep.

The next morning while we sat and drank our coffee, I told him that I didn't want to the team to know. I assured him that he could tell Rossi, because I knew he was his best friend and really only confidant besides me, but not the others.
I could not think of anything more upsetting that being asked over and over again "is this the month?", only to say no.

We had one case that took four days, and then we had almost two weeks of nothing. Just paperwork for two weeks. It was refreshing, but so boring.
We had almost missed my ovulation period due to the case but managed to get a couple of hours together in the hotel thanks to Rossi, who seemed to cover for us well as no questions arose about our whereabouts. No such luck should have it, when I got my period even a few days earlier than expected this morning.
I tried so hard to let it go and not be disappointed throughout the day, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Once Jack was asleep and I thought Hotch was too, I got out of bed and went into the ensuite. I sat down on the side of the tub and finally let the tears out that had been brimming all day every time I thought about it.
To my horror, Hotch opened the door quietly and came into the room, obviously having heard my cries. "What's wrong?" He asked after embracing me.

I sniffed and tried to stop the tears from continuing. I shook my head, "Nothing…just a little disappointed that I got my period this morning."

"Emily," He pulled back just enough to see my eyes and he cupped my cheek with his hand, "This is going to work out for us. You just need to wait for it."

"But I want it to happen now."

He chuckled, almost sadly, "Let's go back to bed, sweetheart."

"Was Jack planned?" I asked, catching his arm so he couldn't leave yet. He just nodded in response. "How long did it take?"

He hesitated before choosing his words carefully, "We got lucky on our second month. You cannot compare this with Haley's pregnancy, Emily. No two women are the same. Some take two months; some take two years. It is not fair on yourself to get upset if it doesn't work out for you the same way it did someone else."

My eyes widened, "We don't have two years! In two years, Aaron, I'm going to be 39. That's almost 40!"

"It might not take you that long. We don't know until it happens, Emily. You know that. Now, let's go to bed."

I let him hold my hand and take me back to bed. I lay down on his chest and tried to sleep, but even hearing his heartbeat wasn't calming me like it usually did. An hour passed before I sat up and shook him awake, "What if after the year is up and we try IVF, that that doesn't work either. What if we can't?"

He sighed, half asleep, "Then we can use a surrogate or adopt. Emily, go to sleep." He pulled me back down to his chest and I let out a breath. I closed my eyes and moved from his chest, up to nuzzle into his neck. I felt his lips press to the side of my head and heard his whisper, "I love you."

I let out another breath and tried to force my body to relax, "I love you too."

On our way to work the following Monday, I made Hotch stop at a pharmacy. He said he'd wait in the car, and I went in to find the vitamin aisle. I looked at all the pregnancy vitamins and ended up grabbing four different kinds. I didn't have the time to look into it, so I just grabbed some and checked out.
When I returned to the car, Hotch looked in the bag and then met my eyes, "What did I say when you freaked out last week?" He asked, referring to when he told me that it would happen and I just needed to wait.

"No harm in trying to help it along." I dismissed him and got the four different products out of the bag. For the remainder of the drive, I read through all the information the boxes and leaflets inside provided, and then took it a step further and researched them to look at reviews and further information. "Maybe I should ask Reid…" I thought aloud as he parked the car and I saw the genius just exiting his own car. This was his second week back and he seemed to be going okay.

"Well then he would know that we were trying, and he would probably tell JJ, and JJ would tell Garcia, and then the entire FBI knows by noon."

"…Yeah." I sighed. We got out of the car and walked in with Reid. I had to resist the temptation to ask while we stood in the elevator and Hotch must have noticed, because he started a quick conversation with Reid that was completely unrelated. I gave Hotch a small smile when the elevator stopped, and then we went into the bullpen and set to work.

My paperwork pile was getting very low and I was getting a little bit excited; I had never had my desk without any paperwork since I started at the BAU. It would be a personal achievement to see it that way at least once.
That excitement quickly dissipated when Garcia rushed through the bullpen with a stack of files and called out to us about a case. JJ, Morgan, and Rossi weren't here yet, but I was sure Garcia would have already contacted them and told them to be here asap.

Reid and I went into the conference room together and sat down in our usual seats across from each other. Garcia was still talking to Hotch in his office, and the urge got the better of me. "Hey, can you keep a secret that strictly cannot get out?"

He looked at me, "Sure."

Just when the words were about to leave my mouth, I snapped it closed when Garcia walked in, Hotch a step behind her. I looked at Reid again and smiled appreciatively, but he knew that the moment to tell him was gone. He returned my smile with an apologetic one. A minute or so later, my phone buzzed with a text from Reid:

"Are you okay?"

I smiled and decided texting back would be better than saying anything or even nodding, in case Garcia caught it and became suspicious. "I'm okay, I promise. It's not important."

I returned my phone to my pocket and looked at Hotch when I felt his eyes burning into me, "What?"

"Who texted you that has you smiling like that?"

"…Reid." I pointed at him across from me, "Just finishing a private conversation that was cut off when you two came in."

He looked at me more pointedly because he knew what that private conversation would be about: the vitamins. I shook my head to tell him that I didn't say anything, because I didn't. I was going to, but I didn't.

Any other conversation was halted when JJ, Morgan, and Rossi all rushed in together. They all apologised, took their seats, and we began reviewing the case.

"So what was the secret you were going to tell me at the round table?" Reid asked as we stood outside of the house we had just apprehended our unsub in.

I looked around to make sure the others were nowhere near us and then let out a breath, "If you tell anyone, I will kill you," I raised my eyebrows. He nodded and drew a cross over his heart, "I wanted to ask for your help. I don't know which prenatal vitamin to take and I haven't had any time to look into it. Maybe you know what JJ took when she was pregnant if anything, or you could research it for me considering what might take me hours would take you a matter of minutes."

"JJ took Enfamom supplements after she found out she was pregnant. She asked me to look into it and that was the best one in my opinion."

I nodded, "Okay, thanks!"

"So…are you pregnant or trying to be?"

"Trying. Please, please don't tell anyone. I cannot imagine anything worse than been repeatedly asked if it has happened."

"I won't, I promise," He smiled reassuringly, "Good luck. I can look into other ways to try and increase your chances if you want."

I sighed, "Hotch is convinced that it's going to work on its own and I just need to let it happen. So could you look into it and just keep him out of the loop?"

He smiled again, "Okay. Morgan is coming."