Our second month trying was not our time either. It upset me the same as it did the first month, only that time I was sure Hotch was asleep and didn't know that I cried about it again. I just didn't feel like it was going to go our way.

We were on the plane, just finishing up talking about the case we were flying over to Illinois to investigate. Hotch was in the middle of assigning tasks when my phone sounded loudly, followed by the words "peak ovulation day". I turned the notification off, silenced the phone, and then looked at Hotch. JJ and Morgan were both looking at me.

"Odd thing to be tracking…unless you're trying to have a baby, of course. Or avoid one, but you were on the pill for that." JJ smirked.

I raised my eyebrows at Hotch and he understood that I wanted him to continue with his assignments and not acknowledge the notification. "…And JJ and Reid, go set up at the station and get a geographic profile started."

JJ kept looking at me but clearly saw that I wasn't about to discuss it. Morgan seemed to let it go. I wondered if it bothered him, thinking that I was going to have a baby with someone else.

When we landed, I got in the car with Morgan and he set the GPS to guide us to the latest dumpsite, and then he started the drive. Only a few minutes passed before he spoke, "So you're trying to have a baby, then?" He glanced at me before returning his eyes to the road.

"We don't have to talk about or acknowledge it." I said quietly.

I saw him smile out the corner of my eye, "Emily, I told you I wanted the two of you to be happy. I think that you trying for a baby is exciting, and you don't need to avoid talking about it around me. I have no issues."

"Okay."

"So you are trying?"

"Yes. I didn't want anyone to know because I don't want to discuss how it hasn't happened every month, but I obviously forgot to turn off the audio on the notification."

"I won't ask every month, and I'm positive that if you tell them not to, then the others won't either. Can I ask you a favour, though?"

"What?" I looked at him.

He parked the car at the dumpsite and turned in his seat to face me, "When you do get knocked up, don't wait forever to tell us. If something happens, we want to be able to support you and Hotch the best we can. We can't do that if we don't know."

"…You think I'll miscarry again?"

"No! I just mean that if there are any issues, or even if there are not for that matter – either way – we want to support you."

I nodded, but I knew that if I did get pregnant, I would wait for quite a while before I shared the news. I appreciated what Morgan was saying, but it would be too humiliating to tell them I was, only to come back and say I wasn't anymore. I didn't want to have to do that. I knew that most people waited about 12 weeks, but I would probably wait until I just couldn't hide it anymore.

We got out of the car and switched back into our professional selves and set to work. Morgan seemed more protective. He looked at the body still laying here and laid the sheet back down before I saw anything, and then told me not to worry about looking. He spoke with the local cops and told me to wait here while he did a quick look around the site perimeter for evidence. There were local cops everywhere, so I just did what he told me to do.

When we got back into the car, I looked at him, "What was that?"

"What?"

"You didn't let me do anything, Morgan."

"…I don't want you to get sick, or—"

"I'm not pregnant yet, and if I do get pregnant, I will be fine looking at dead bodies and walking a perimeter, and just doing my job in general."

"I know that being stressed out can really decrease your chances."

"You think that doing the exact same thing that I have been doing for years now, is going to stress me out too much? Like I'm not used to seeing things like that…or walking, or profiling a scene? Do not ever try and side-line me again, understood?" It made me mad. I could handle myself.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly as he started the car.
The drive to the station was silent.

Just before noon, Rossi pulled Hotch aside for a word, and then a few minutes later Hotch and I were heading to the hotel to check everyone in. Apparently, Rossi was going to cover for us again so we could go have sex. Now that they knew we were trying, it would be painfully obvious about where we were and what we were doing.
Regardless, at the expense of my private life, I agreed to go anyway. I was uncomfortable that they all knew what was happening, but I also really wanted to be pregnant.
The case wasn't on a strict running clock; we would get to sleep at night, but trying twice in one day gave us a better chance.

We checked the team in and then went upstairs to Hotch's room. As soon as the door was closed and our bags were down, he was kissing me and guiding me to the bed. "Wow, we're eager." I said between kisses.

"We should be quick. There's a case to work." He said as he moved to kiss my neck.

I snickered, "How romantic…"

He stopped and pulled back to look at me, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, I just don't want sex to turn into a chore. I still want us to enjoy it. I don't want conceiving to ruin our sex life, or we won't want to have it anymore just for the hell of it."

"Emily, as badly as I would like to worship your body, we don't have the time right now. I promise you that tonight I will take my time and make you feel special." He resumed his quick foreplay just until he felt I was ready, and then he climbed back over me and sunk himself in slowly. It hurt a little because I wasn't fully aroused, mostly because I couldn't stop thinking about how Morgan side-lined me this morning, and about how this wasn't how I wanted our sex life to be. I ignored the pain and tried to relax.

It was a lot quicker than usual, but that was okay because even by the end I still wasn't all that into it. He got up and cleaned me up first, and then himself. We redressed and I went into the bathroom to check my hair and makeup, and then we went back down to the car.
Our drive back to the station was silent, and then we set back to work and barely saw each other for the rest of the day.
He interviewed family and friends with JJ and I was out getting witness statements from neighbours with Morgan.

When the day was over and we were back at the hotel, we got dinner in the restaurant downstairs with the team, and then finally retired to our rooms. I was technically sharing with JJ, but that hardly happened anymore; I usually stayed in Hotch's room, especially since the engagement.

Tonight, I went to the room I shared with JJ and stayed in there for a while. She assured me that she didn't mind that I was in there, but also asked why I wasn't with Hotch like I usually was. Before I had a chance to reply, there was a knock at the door.

She opened the door and let him in, and he looked at me for a few seconds before speaking, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing. What are you doing?"

"Are you coming into my room?"

"I don't think so." I shook my head.

He seemed irritated. He glanced at JJ and then back to me with a sigh, "Can you please come with me so that we can talk privately?" He raised his eyebrows. I sighed and got up, took my bag and room key, and then followed him down a few doors to his room. He opened the door and held it for me to go in first.
I put my bag down and sat at the desk across from the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just not having a great day."

"Because I rushed our time together earlier?"

"No," I huffed, "Well, that didn't make me feel great. I know we were on a time limit, but we couldn't have had five minutes of sweet foreplay instead of just going for it?"

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Not really. It was uncomfortable, but I was fine."

He watched me for a few seconds before he spoke again, "The next time that I'm "just going for it" and you're not ready, please tell me. I never want to hurt you.
"You said no when I asked if that was the reason for your bad day. What else happened?"

I didn't really want to tell him about Morgan this morning. Would Hotch think that he was just being a little too considerate, or would he view it as Morgan being upset about us having a baby?

"Emily? Em, sweetheart?" Hotch tried to get my attention.

"Sorry. Um…I don't want you to read too much into this, but Morgan side-lined me this morning, and it just really threw me off. My entire day was just lousy afterwards."

"Side-lined you how?"

"Well we talked about us trying for a baby while we were driving to the dumpsite, and then when we got there, he wouldn't let me look at the victim, he didn't include me in the conversation of details with the local cops, and then he told me to just wait while he walked the perimeter and profiled the scene. I didn't argue, obviously; there were locals everywhere and I didn't want to cause a scene, but it bothered me."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Yes, when we got back in the car. Told him I was fully capable of doing my job now and still will be if we get pregnant, and that he can't ever side-line me again."

"Do you want me to—"

"No." I cut him off.

"But if—"

"No," I repeated, and then changed the subject, "Now, I am ovulating." I stood up and pulled my shirt off. He was quick to forget about Morgan and focus on me, or more directly – my chest.

We wrapped up the case and returned home after three days. Morgan or Reid told Garcia about Hotch and I trying to conceive, although I wasn't sure who was the snitch yet. I suspected Reid.
Now it was a little over two weeks after that case.

I lay in bed while I waited for Hotch to finish in the shower. He had been about fifteen minutes before he came back into our room. "I'm finished in there." He said as he started to get dressed.

"I'm not coming in today."

He stopped and looked at me in concern, "Are you feeling okay?"

"No."

"What's the matter? Do you need anything?"

I sighed, "Can you pick up a box of tampons on your way home tonight, please?"

It was his turn to sigh, and he sat beside me, "I don't want this to be causing you so much sadness, Emily."

"Well unfortunately I will continue to be sad and disappointed and angry until I get pregnant," I looked at him, and then added quietly, "If I get pregnant."

"You will, sweetheart. It will happen. Maybe we should go back to your doctor and start with the medication and monitoring. I hate seeing you like this every time the test is negative."

"Why isn't it working?"

"I don't know, Em. Do you want me to call you if there is a case, or leave you off for a few days?"

"Call me."

He nodded, "Okay," He leant forward and kissed me gently, "Assuming there's no case, I'll pick up Chinese on my way home. I'll take Jack to school. You go back to sleep, you look like you didn't get much last night."

I nodded and he kissed me again before standing. I moved further down and closed my eyes. I felt him move a few strands of hair behind my ear before he told me he loved me, and then left the room.
I fell back asleep before they had even left for the day.