Our honeymoon went way too quickly for my liking. I could tell that Hotch was ready to go back to work, but I never wanted to leave Tulum.
We both went to work the day after we returned home, and I found that sitting at a desk and analysing mass amounts of data was not what I wanted to do.

Five weeks following our honeymoon, we went in for my 20-week scan. Before she started the scan, the sonographer asked if we wanted to know the baby's gender. I realised when she asked that we hadn't even discussed that.
I looked at Hotch beside me, "Do we?"

"I'm happy either way."

"…We do." I looked back at her.

She checked everything she needed and told me that while she wasn't a doctor and couldn't be positive, she thought everything looked just fine. Then, she pointed as she explained how she could tell that we were having a baby girl.

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I stared at the sonogram on our drive home. Hotch was holding my hand on my knee, and spoke after leaving almost the entire drive in silence, "Would you have been this happy with a boy?"

"I don't care what gender she is, Aaron. She could come out with webbed-feet and a tail and I wouldn't care."

"I mean…I'd be a little concerned if she had a tail…" He smiled at me.

"She's going to be perfect." I said quietly – more to myself than to him – as we pulled up into the garage.

"Just like her mummy." Hotch said before turning my head with a finger under my chin and pressing a kiss to my lips. He went to get out of the car before I took his hand to stop him. "What's the matter?"

"Aaron, I don't want to work in analytics."

"You've only done six weeks there, sweetheart. I'm not sure transferring out again so soon will look good on your file. Where would you rather go?"

I sighed and looked out the windscreen at the brick wall of the garage, "I don't know. I miss being in the field, but obviously that isn't an option. I just…I loved the BAU, and now I don't think I'm going to enjoy anything else."

"Okay, so you can't come back onto our team. Cooper's team has a position open, maybe he'll let you work out of the office until she gets here." He suggested, motioning to my stomach.

I raised my eyebrows and tilted my head at him, "You want me to work with Mick Rawson every day?"

He huffed, "I don't love that he is infatuated with you, but I do trust you not to cheat on me."

"I don't know…let me think about it."

I thought about it over another three weeks. Working in analytics was driving me insane, and the BAU had been off on a case every week, so I couldn't just go up a few floors for a break or see them after work.
Because they worked back-to-back cases, I was home with Jack in the evenings alone. Without Hotch there, it seemed scary. I couldn't take care of a child on my own; I needed him to help me, and that thought terrified me. What was I going to do with we had a baby and he was away on cases. Not only would he be unavailable, but so would my entire family.

Hotch hadn't told me that they got back today, but I recognised the sound of his car as he pulled up the driveway. I had put Jack to bed an hour ago, and I was reading in bed. I waited the few minutes it took for him to get inside and find me. I smiled at the bouquet of flowers he offered me with a small smile. "Thank you. What are these for?" I asked as I stood and took them.

"I'm sorry I've been away so long. It's not fair on you to watch my son and grow our baby while I'm away."

I smiled and kissed him, "Honey, I'm not Haley," I whispered to him, "I understand your job, your obligations. I know you don't want to be away that long, but that you had to be. Don't get me wrong, I love and appreciate the flowers and yes, it is hard when you're away so long. But it isn't your fault so you don't need to feel guilty about it or bring gifts home to try and lessen the blow you think is coming."

I saw him visibly relax slightly, like that was the biggest relief for him to hear, "I missed you." He breathed before he kissed me again. He guided me back to the bed and lay me down. As soon as he rested above me, he was standing again, "You have a bump!"

I smiled and ran my hand over my bump, "Yeah, it kind of just popped out this week." I let him take his time lifting my shirt and running his hands over my bump gently. Tears pricked my eyes when he dropped to his knees and kissed it. I listened as he spoke to the baby briefly, and then he was kissing me again.

After a long-awaited round of sex, I lay snuggled up against him with my face in the crook of his neck. I must have been there half an hour before his breathing evened out as he fell asleep. I disentangled myself from him, slipped my nightgown on, and snuck out of the room.

I found his briefcase in his office. I took the top file out and looked over it – their last case. It was a sadistic murderer who burned his victims alive, videoed it, and then sent it out to three random addresses within the suburb of where the victim was taken whilst on their morning or afternoon jog.
The photos made me nauseous, and this wasn't one I could keep down. I ran out of the office and through our bedroom to the ensuite, making it just in time.
I felt Hotch hold my hair back soon enough. He rubbed gentle circles on my back and tried to soothe me as I dry heaved.

I wiped my mouth, flushed the toilet, and then went straight to the sink to rinse out my mouth and brush my teeth.
"What happened?" He asked me.

I sighed, "I was curious, so I looked at your last case, with the burnt victims. God, those photos," I closed my eyes and shook my head, "Aaron, I couldn't work in Cooper's team even if I wanted to. Did I love working in the BAU? Yes, but I don't think I have it in me anymore."

"Emily, you're pregnant. You have unstable hormones, a more sensitive stomach—"

"No," I cut him off, "It wasn't like that. It wasn't the pregnancy that did this, it was just the photos on their own."

"Okay, so you find a desk job," He guided me back to bed, "After the baby is born, you don't even have to go back to work at all if you don't want to. I'll support us all."

I stared at him for a second before I realised how serious he was. Was that something I would even consider? Staying home with the baby and Jack would be great, but I wasn't sure if doing that for years was what I wanted. I liked to move, to work, to be useful. "I couldn't ask you to do that." I finally spoke.

"You didn't ask, I offered. I'm happy to do that Emily, if that's what you want. I know being a stay-at-home parent can be hard, though. We could enrol her in a day-care once she's old enough maybe for just one day a week to give you some time to yourself to recharge."

"I—I don't know if I'll go back to work or not yet."

"Of course you'll need to think about it. You probably won't know until you're a couple months into maternity leave. And if you do decide to go back to work, it doesn't have to be with the FBI. You can get a normal nine to five job, or even a part time job."

"That is a lot to think about." I said quietly as I sat against the headboard.

"It is. Let's get some sleep; we can talk about it more throughout the rest of the pregnancy."

I nodded, "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too." He kissed me before he lay back down. He seemed to fall asleep straight away. I stay sitting up all night thinking about his offer and what I might want to do.

I had never not worked before. Even after I came out of the situation with Doyle, two weeks later I was back at work, just with a different agency. I had been working since I was fifteen.
But if I did decide to stay home, we'd see even less of Hotch than we did now, because he would need to work more to support us comfortably.

Thankfully, we had at least another 8 months to think about it before I had the baby and my maternity leave was up.

This morning, I got up early and got ready quickly. I was meeting my mother for breakfast to tell her than I was pregnant.
I put an outfit together carefully to hide the bump. I did my makeup and hair as normal, and then I kissed Hotch and Jack before I left.

It was a thirty minute drive to where I was meeting her and it gave my anxiety time to grow rapidly.
She wasn't the most nurturing person – I hoped she'd react well.

I hoped I wasn't just like her with my own child.

When I got there, I parked next to her car and went straight in. If she was here on time then she was probably on a schedule and wanted to get this over with quickly; she was rarely ever on time.

"Mother." I greeted with a polite smile. She stood and hugged me. I tried my best to keep the bump from touching her. It was an awkward hug, mostly because we didn't hug. Ever.

"Emily, I understand you asked for breakfast, however I am sorry to say that I have a meeting this morning so I need to be gone soon. Coffee will be fine, but breakfast itself we may need to rain check."

I nodded, "Okay, no worries." Before I could speak again, the waitress brought over two mugs and a small pot of coffee for us to share. She asked if we wanted anything else. I requested a blueberry muffin – I hadn't eaten yet this morning and I really needed to. My mother seemed to find that strange.

"Well, you're on a schedule, so I should just get to it. Mother, I…" I couldn't get it out. I stared at her and bit my lip.

Her eyebrows furrowed, "Are you alright?" She asked me. I nodded to her, and then the waitress returned with my muffin. I thanked her quietly and then looked at my hands for a few seconds. "Emily, I really—"

"I'm pregnant." I cut her off. She seemed speechless. I watched her stare at me for a couple of seconds before she shook her head. "What?"

"Congratulations Emily. I hope you do a better job than I did." She stood up and left quickly.

I stay sitting at the table in shock. I wasn't expecting her to be happy – she never was – but I expected some kind of emotion, not a detached congratulations. I picked at my muffin but didn't even get halfway through. I left the coffee untouched.

When I got home, Hotch and Jack were laughing in the living room. I walked in to see them building with Legos. I smiled and waved when they looked at me, and then headed upstairs. I undressed and was putting on comfier clothing when Hotch came in, closing the door behind him. "How did it go?"

I nodded, "She said congratulations."

"...That's it?"

"Yep," I turned around and looked at him, "She said 'Congratulations Emily. I hope you do a better job that I did', and then she left. I mean, I knew she wouldn't be happy, but I thought she'd be angry or disappointed. I didn't expect her to be so…aloof about it. The baby is related to her too. This is her only grandchild. Why isn't she happy about that?"

He sighed as he approached me. He put his hands on my hips and kissed me gently, "Sweetheart, let it go. You know as well as I do that if something doesn't directly benefit your mother or her career, then she doesn't care for it."

"Our daughter isn't going to have any grandparents."

"Dave is like a father to you; he can be her grandfather."

I let a small smile onto my lips as I thought about Rossi in a grandparenting role. "Yeah, maybe."