34 weeks into the pregnancy, the nursery was finished. I had a chair in there to sit down for short periods of time while the girls decorated and the guys put the furniture together and moved it around how I wanted it.
The weekly visits to the hospital were repetitive and boring. They would hook me up to the ECG and I would lay for almost two hours before the determined everything all clear and sent me back home.
Hotch and I could have sex but "nothing strenuous" the nurse had stressed. Like we were doing karma sutra with a bump this size.
It made for a relaxing and pleasurable night the day I found out. We both needed it and now we both seemed less irritated with each other after long periods of time together.
Yesterday at 36 weeks pregnant, I woke up earlier than I would have liked. I read my book until Hotch woke up, and then moved downstairs to watch a movie once he and Jack at left the house for the day. At 10am, I started feeling the uncomfortable tightening of my abdomen, about twenty seconds at a time, and about twenty minutes apart. I ignored them for a few hours, and then they seemed to stop by 4pm.
I had dinner with the boys and read a few books with Jack in bed before bedtime.
This morning, the uncomfortable feeling was back, only more intense this time. It didn't exactly hurt, but I was pretty sure it was contractions. I didn't say anything to Hotch before work; they went away yesterday so clearly the baby wasn't about to come out at any given moment.
It was silly to think that, because by the time it hit 11am, I was almost crying from the now intensely painful contractions. I tried my best to breathe through them, but I ended up calling the hospital. They asked how long and how far apart they were. I told them about a minute long, and about eight to ten minutes apart. They told me to come in immediately.
I grabbed the hospital bag that I had instructed and watched Hotch pack weeks ago and headed to my new car. Once I was on the road on the way, I called Hotch.
"Hello sweetheart." He greeted me.
"I'm in labour." I came out with it quickly.
"Okay, you make sure you've got everything and I'll come get you now."
"No, I left it too late. I'm on my way there, just meet me."
"Are you okay?" I could hear the concern in his voice and the sounds of him rushing to grab things and go.
"Yeah, I just ignored the contractions thinking they'd go away like they did yesterday."
"Emily," He scolded, "You should have told me as soon as this all started. Yesterday?"
"Yeah, but then they went away. This morning they came back."
He seemed to huff in annoyance that I hadn't told him, "I'll be there as soon as traffic allows."
I was rushed into a birthing suite when I arrived. Because of the car accident, they wanted me in and prepared for anything. Hotch arrived almost forty minutes after I called him and apologized profusely.
"Why so late?"
"We were at the airstrip. They're on their way to Georgia; child abduction." He looked at me and saw the accusation in my eyes, "I wasn't going on the plane this close to your due date, but I was still working the case." He justified.
"Hm," I huffed, "I'm eight centimeters dilated."
"Whoa, that's quick. Ready to push at ten, right?" He asked.
"You've either read some books or you've done this before," The midwife smiled at him, "Most men have no idea what happens in here."
"He has a son." I managed to get out before the next contraction took my breath away. I let out a whimper and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to will the pain away as my body wiggled around involuntarily. "God, why does my back hurt so much?" I cried weakly after the worst of the pain had eased.
Hotch rolled me to the side slightly and dug his fingers into my lower back in the exact spot that ached so terribly. I closed my eyes and sighed.
The dilation seemed to slow down as two hours passed and I stayed at 8 centimeters. Then, suddenly on my next contraction, my body began to push without me even trying. I told the midwife immediately, and she went to check my dilation again, apologizing for the pain it caused as she did. "We're ready to go." She quickly went to the computer and input some information, and then she returned to the end of the bed, and two more midwives came into the room to assist.
There was forty minutes of agony before my whole body just collapsed and the midwife told me she was finally here. I relaxed back into the bed and watched as they took her across the room and blocked my view. I started to panic as I realized that no one had said anything yet.
"Is she okay?" I asked them. I glanced at Hotch and I could see the worry on his face too. He knew this wasn't normal either.
They spoke together for a few more seconds before our main midwife turned with her in her arms, a smile on her face, "Everything is just fine. With her early appearance, we just wanted to make sure she was okay. Congratulations." She laid her on my bare chest and pulled the blanket up over to cover the baby.
Tears filled my eyes and I looked down at her and saw her looking back at me. She was so quiet. "Hi baby." I whispered. She made small crackly noises before her face contorted and the cries began. "Oh…" I felt the tears again, but this time because I made her cry. I looked at Hotch helplessly.
He smiled and let our half a chuckle before he stopped himself, "She's not crying at you, sweetheart. She's a brand-new baby; they cry." He nodded as he ran a finger over her cheek gently.
I held her for what seemed like hours. I barely even noticed the last contraction that brought the placenta out. Soon, I was falling asleep still in the birthing suite. The main midwife took her from my arms, instructed Hotch to remove or pull up his shirt, and lay her down on him for skin-to-skin contact as well. Then she helped me up and into the shower.
Thankfully I hadn't had any tears. She assured me that we could be out by tomorrow night if everything went smoothly from here on out.
They moved us into a private room in the maternity ward. When I asked about it, they explained that an Agent Rossi had called and requested it with a promise of a sizable donation to the maternity ward.
I tried to feed her once settled into the room. She was searching for the breast like she was starving but she wouldn't latch. I thought it was something I was doing, so the midwife came to help me out.
After an hour of trying, I finally let them make her a bottle of formula instead. I felt terrible about the fact that I couldn't nourish my own child, but I was too exhausted to keep trying. I handed her over to Hotch while they went to get a bottle and I fell asleep before they got back.
The next morning was better; I was rested a little, although not much considering the continuous visits from midwives and nurses. I had more patience and got her to latch on. It was an off feeling for me; my breasts had always been playthings for lovers. It was uncomfortable at first, but I quickly got used to it. I told Hotch that they would never be his again.
We had finally picked a name and I was eager to let the midwives know and get the paperwork filled out so that Hotch couldn't change his mind again.
I fell back asleep again after feeding her and going to the bathroom. When I woke again, I was surrounded by my quiet team.
"Hey mama." JJ smiled at me.
"Mm, hey."
"How are you feeling?"
I sat up and Hotch moved closer to help me if needed which was absolutely unnecessary. With little complication on my end, I was perfectly capable of moving around on my own. "I'm alright, actually. I thought that the aftermath would be worse than it is." I saw her laying in Morgan's arms, sound asleep. He wore a small smile as he looked down at her.
"Oh, Morgan she probably wants her back." Garcia said.
He looked up and went to move, but I held my hand up, "It's okay, you can hold her. I was actually thinking of having a quick shower while she's still sleeping." I stood up from the bed slowly just in case.
"I'll help you." Hotch said as he put his phone down.
I smiled and looked at him, "Aaron, honey, I love you, but I am fully capable of showering alone. I'm okay, I promise." He just nodded and sat on the bed. I grabbed my bag from under the hospital bassinet and went into the bathroom. I was grateful to get a moment alone from Hotch and the newborn, as terrible as it was to feel that way.
I should want to cuddle and stare at her 24/7, but I just wanted five minutes alone.
When I came out of the shower, I heard her crying. I dried myself and redressed quickly, and then headed back in. I sat down on the bed and Aaron handed her to me to feed her. She latched on eagerly like she hadn't eaten in days. I looked up at Hotch still beside me and smiled. He placed a soft kiss on my lips, and I felt my face flush red when I heard Garcia and JJ both let out a quiet "aww".
"Okay, I've been as patient as I can. Please tell us her name." Garcia said.
I looked at Hotch again and he motioned for me to go ahead and tell them, "Elise Anne Hotchner."
"Oh that's gorgeous. Is Anne a family name?" JJ looked between us.
"My mother was Anne." Hotch answered her with a small smile. His phone buzzed on the table beside me and he checked it before looking at me, "Sean wants to know if he can visit next week. Are you okay with that?"
"Are you okay with that?" I smirked.
He sighed quietly as he texted back and then he put his phone back down. A nurse came in and verified I was the correct patient before she introduced herself. There must have just been a shift change. She checked the sheet of paper I was instructed to write down all feeding and diaper information on as we went, then she checked Elise's latch, and told me she'd be back in a few hours to check in.
Once she left, Garcia let out a little giggle, "It's weird to hear someone address you as a Hotchner."
After another hour and everyone having another cuddle with her, the team left the hospital. JJ stressed that they didn't want to overwhelm me or get in the way, so I just needed to let them know when it was okay to come around again when I was ready. It seemed silly to me now, but I was sure once we returned home and I tried to adjust to living with a newborn, that I would be exhausted and not all too keen on visitors.
Hotch had asked me if I was okay with him leaving for a few hours to see Jack. He didn't want to bring the boy in as this was the same hospital that Hotch had been in after Foyet. He decided that Jack could wait until we got home, which was hopefully tonight.
When he left, that's when she began to get unsettled to a point where I couldn't calm her down. A midwife came in after hearing the screaming go for quite some time and found us both crying. She offered to take Elise and I passed her over gently. The midwife seemed to calm her in seconds, and that made me cry harder as I sat down.
"Emily, a baby feeds off her mother's energy. If you're anxious, she's anxious. You're stressed, she's stressed. If you're calm, she'll be calm. Why don't you go for a quick walk around the ward and try again when you get back? I'll stay right here with her."
I nodded and got up. I took my phone and left the room to walk a circle around the ward. I called JJ and waited for her to pick up. "Hey, everything going okay?"
"No. Aaron left to see Jack and since he's been gone, she hates me JJ. She cried and screamed but I couldn't help her, and then I handed her over the midwife and she was fine. She doesn't like me."
I could hear the smile in her voice, it irritated me. "Em, whatever you are feeling is what she is feeling, stressed, calm, scared. That's how it works with babies. If you were worked up about not being able to calm her, then she was never going to calm down until you did."
"That's what the midwife said." I mumbled.
"Do you want me to come back and stay with you until Hotch gets back?"
"No. Yes. Are you busy?"
"No, we're just lounging around home."
"Well…then if it's okay…"
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thank you." I hung up as I arrived back at my room. I took a deep breath and entered. She was asleep in the bassinet. The midwife was just finishing up changing the sheets on my bed. She smiled at me and held her finger to her lips. I mouthed my thanks to her and she left the room quietly.