Normally, after a ball such as the one tonight, the Bridgertons would convalesce in the drawing room to have a late night snack and revisit the events of the night. Most of the time it would be expressions of astonishment over choices of clothing, or who was beginning to court whom. The beginning of the season was often like this. Last year, it was the talk of the town when Edwina had become the woman Anthony had set his sights on and then of course, other scandals had arisen to forefront. Overall, a rather eventful season, much like the one before.

Colin paid no heed to the lively conversations that echoed around him as he alighted from the carriage before Bridgerton Manor and strode purposefully inside. Unbeknownst to him, as he bypassed the drawing room, Lady Violet would be observing him intently as he dismissed the offers of refreshment from both Benedict and Anthony, who inquired after his well-being following the long journey home.

It was scarcely had he entered his chambers, slamming the weighty wooden doors behind him, that Colin began pacing. It was dreadful enough to realize he had caused Penelope such distress, but to discover that not only had she been privy to his words, but they had also been disseminated throughout the ton, revealing his cowardice, was utterly infuriating. It was Fife's uncouth interrogation that had caught him off guard, and Colin's own failure was in failing to offer a discreet response, opting instead to wound his oldest and dearest friend.

Sat dimly lit by flickering candlelight, Colin's agitation was palpable. His steps echoed against the polished wooden floor, the heavy drapes of the windows drawn tightly shut against the prying eyes of the outside world, creating an atmosphere of secrecy and seclusion.

All of a sudden, Colin found the cravat tied around his neck to be entirely too tight and he scrambled to remove it, his frustration only mounting the longer it took to take it off.

Why in the devil's name had he uttered such words? He found no justification within himself whatsoever. As the cravat finally yielded to his irritated tugs, he hurled the offending strip of cloth into a forgotten corner of his chamber. The memory of Penelope's pained expression, her eyes betraying hurt while she struggled to contain tears, while recounting his words, and the subtle tremor in her voice as she placed the blame squarely at his feet for the altered treatment by men, would linger in his mind for many days to come.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and flopped onto the bed. She was properly upset with him as well. This wasn't a child's quarrel. He had damaged her honor. Not in the conventional illicit way, but nonetheless, she felt that she was ruined. And he would have to take responsibility. But he was completely at a loss of where to begin.

There wasn't much time to ruminate for him however as there was a sharp knock on his door, followed by the voice of his brother.

"Brother, are you still awake? May I enter?" Colin begrudgingly bade him entrance, only to sit up more formally when Kate followed her husband inside his room. He was suddenly very aware of the disarray of his room, more specifically, the tossed items of clothing everywhere. He hadn't quite finished unpacking and had told the housekeeper to let him do it instead. Only he hadn't actually set aside time to do it. He quickly picked up the pile of shirts on the settee in the sitting area of his room.

Kate sat down, pretending she hadn't noticed the shirts and seemed like she was considering where to begin. There was a beat where Colin thought she might just continue to stare at him, the gaze slightly unnerving in the way he felt she was assessing his every emotion. They hadn't had much interaction outside of dinner and the parlor when everyone gathered to tea and biscuits.

"Colin, may I ask what happened when you spoke to Miss. Featherington tonight?" He swallowed. He was uncertain whether he wanted to revisit this matter with his sister-in-law. It hardly seemed a suitable subject for discussion with her, however, in the same breath, with Eloise refusing to engage where Penelope was concerned he had no other recourse.

Sensing his discomfort, she leaned forward slightly, her eyes were tired, and Anthony was definitely a little antsy behind her, surely wondering what his wife wanted to say, but stayed silent.

"I only ask because it was very clear that she was still upset," Colin winced at her succinct appraisal of the situation. "As she well should be, but did she mention why in particular it upset her?" Colin blinked at that.

"Whatever could you mean why? I would think that it was perfectly clear? I maligned her in front of an audience of my peers. Anyone of whom could have been a fine marital prospect."

Kate exchanged a glance with Anthony, and Colin found he did not like the looks at all.

"Colin, the issue was not in your removing her prospects, as you have called them, thought it is no small part of it, but in reality what has caused her pain is your involvement. Anthony has described your relationship to me. Do you not perceive that the greater blow would be the understanding that you, her friend, believed her unsuitable for courtship?""

"I never—" Anthony's brows arched at his vehement defense.

"Brother, are you truly attempting to justify yourself in this? Even were I to consider your explanations, I am compelled to ask what other intention could you possibly have harbored in saying this, especially to your peers?"

For that Colin had no answer. Kate's eyes softened, it was not as if he had no guilt regarding his behavior. It was closer to being confused at how any of this had come to pass.

"The solution is plain. You have offended her, and if you seek to regain her favor, you possess but one method. This is not merely a matter of offering regrets. You must make amends.""

"How am I meant to ask for forgiveness when she will refuse to speak to me?" Anthony could contain himself no longer, and remarked acidly.

"Colin Bridgerton, if you allow her ire to dissuade you, then it appears that your travels abroad have done little for you in the ways of education."

Colin had never asked for someone's forgiveness before however, he was hopeful she would be amenable. It was Penelope after all. She couldn't remain upset with him eternally. In the wake of his conversation with his brother and his wife, he resolved to obtain a bouquet of the loveliest blooms. Flowers were always a great start to any apology, at least that was what literature had led him to believe. Amidst the bustling streets of Mayfair, he had traveled to the finest florist, where fragrant blossoms of every hue adorned the shop.

Selecting the most exquisite white roses, Colin arranged them with care, mindful of each stem's placement and the message they conveyed. As Colin strolled through the bustling streets, bouquet in hand, he was taken aback to see Penelope amidst the crowd, speaking to a gentleman in casual conversation under the strict supervision of her maid.

A surge of something unknown swept over Colin as he watched them interact. He couldn't shake the feeling of unease, knowing how vulnerable Penelope could sometimes be, and was , considering her shy smile. He desperately wished to tell Penelope to not let just any man bring such an expression to her face. Colin waited a moment, observing the man kiss her hand and then take his leave.

Penelope watched him leave and then seemed to take a moment to herself, almost as though she was telling herself that she had succeeded. The smile remained on her lips, the first one he had seen on her since he had returned, but it was quickly as her eyes met his.

The mask slid back over her expressions and she began to turn away from him. Colin couldn't let the chance pass by and followed as she walked towards the carriages and past the green park of Wrotham.

"Penelope, wait!" He sensed a hesitation in her, as if she entertained the notion of stopping, but ultimately, she seemed to compel herself to disregard him and carry on.

He ran the rest of the way until he was nearly beside her, coat flapping out behind him. SHe seemed to be committed to avoiding acknowledging his presence.

"Penelope, please." His imploring stopped her and she stood stiffly, barely glancing up towards him. He was given the most bare bones of a polite greeting and then was met with silence. Normally, Penelope would be eager to start a conversation with him and her lack of effort truly stung. Colin waited expectantly in the silence and felt the weight of it, including the heaviness of the bouquet behind him. He wanted to do this privately, and motioned to the park across the way and a bench off to the distance. .

"May we speak?"

Penelope's eyes widened and she surreptitiously stepped further away from him, as if he had burned her. Her whole countenance was bristling with what she considered an indecent proposal with no regard for her reputation.

"Mr. Bridgerton. What you are asking of me is incredibly inappropriate! We are in public!" Colin was stubborn however and continued to entreat her, his mind petulantly noting that she had had no such qualms about openly conversing with an unknown man in the middle of the street.

"Your maid is right here. We are not unchaperoned, after all." He gestured to the woman who had a decidedly unpleasant look on her face, scrunched up like she had tasted a tart pastry. Penelope considered it for a moment and Colin put himself squarely in her field of vision. He knew she would be stubborn, she always had been since she was a child, but that was alright. Colin could be more stubborn. Between the two of them, Colin was sure he would emerge victorious. His mother did always tell him he was more obstinate than a horse once he got something into his head.

Penelope, perhaps sensing this, sighed in defeat. She began to walk towards the lush green interior of the park. There were only a few people in the path as the time for promenading had long since passed. Her maid tutted disapprovingly behind them but they both ignored her. She went to stand some distance away as they both found themselves under a tree, a willow, and Penelope sat, once more refusing to really look at him.

He took a moment to breathe, still unsure of how to proceed. He had this great bouquet of flowers behind his back and he was sure he looked like a fool withholding them like that but he also did not want to just throw flora at her and hope for the best.

Penelope for her part was content with sitting on the bench and taking in the people milling about the park. Her cheeks flushed from the heat, she fanned herself gently with her hand. He couldn't help but notice how the sun's rays danced on her skin, adding to the warmth of her complexion. It was the first time he had noticed such a thing and he was admittedly a little confused by its sudden presence in his mind. Then his gaze began to follow the movement of her fingers and the way her hair floated gently in the breeze. When he got to her eyes, he realized that he had been lingering over her for what was perhaps a moment too long, her expectant gaze was squarely aimed at him.

He coughed in sudden discomfort and realized he needed to first accomplish what he had come here for.

"Penelope - " He found himself coming up short, not knowing how to proceed and tried again. "Pen, what you heard, last season, was nothing more than a fool running his mouth. I could never want to hurt you. I simply - "

Penelope raised an eyebrow and repeated the ending of his sentence.

"You simply - ?"

"I simply, " hanging his head, Colin admitted to her " I simply became embarrassed at the scrutiny and could not think of a civilized manner in which to extricate myself. Instead, I used my oldest friend as a shield through which I deflected their inquiries. For that I shall forever be ashamed of my cowardice. I never meant to hurt you. I could not live with myself if you truly believed that I felt that way. Please accept these as a token of my deepest regrets and as a promise to never betray your trust again."

Colin pulled out the bouquet he had been poorly hiding behind his back and presented it to Penelope. Behind them, Colin saw the maid's eyes go wide and begin muttering, looking around them to see if anyone was watching. They could rot for all Colin cared. He knew it was toeing the line between propriety and indiscretion, but he could not bring himself to worry about it, not when Penelope was staring at the flowers with her mouth slightly open.

He found himself drawn again to look at her for far longer than was acceptable. He told himself it was nothing more than idle curiosity. He hadn't seen his friend for months, it was natural to be a bit taken by the changes in her demeanor and appearance. . Colin tore himself away with great difficulty and focused again on Penelope. She reached out to gingerly accept the flowers from him, her fingers placed primly over the far bottom of the bouquet, avoiding his fingers entirely, he noted with irritation.

"Colin, this - " She gestured to the bouquet and then at him, "This just is not done. I am not meant to be receiving such gifts from you. It is not proper, not right." She fiddled with the petals, looking conflicted over how to react. Colin sat down next to her and leaned in, just shy of keeping a respectable distance. He wasn't sure why he was doing it, but he kind of enjoyed the way she averted her eyes. He felt oddly like he was teasing her, only it was in a way he had never done before. But then, they'd never been in a situation quite like this before.

"Yes, but you and I have never been concerned with proper, have we Pen?" A curious pink blush spread over Penelope's face that charmingly extended to her decollete. It reminded him of the flush of sunlight at sunset, just spilling over the horizon, painting everything in its path. It was odd of her to react like this, all he did was joke, in the way he had always done. Why behave as if he was taking liberties now? After all this time?

She got up quite hastily at that, indignant, the blush now reaching her ears.

"Mr. Bridgerton!"

Penelope was starting to get upset again so Colin retreated, thinking he would not push his friend any farther. He could faintly feel his own heart, palpitating a little at seeing her flustered like this and wondered briefly at feeling before putting up his hands in a form of surrender.

"My apologies, Miss Featherington. I may have become over zealous in my endeavors to express the depth of my regret. It is only that I want my dearest friend to know that I would never willingly hurt her." There was a pause between them, where Colin attempted to gather his scattered thoughts. He could not fathom how he had allowed Fife to corner him like that. However, if he were honest, it had nothing to do with it. He had been embarrassed when Fife and the others had begun to rib him about Penelope, but it had more to do with being unable to tolerate the ridicule of his relationship with.

"I appreciate that Colin.." There was a soft sort of understanding in her voice. She looked at him in this wistful way that he couldn't quite place, from a perspective of realization, perhaps? He forged ahead, seeing the maid grow antsy in the background and knowing that he would probably have less than a few moments to express his emotions to her.

"I acted foolishly. The words you heard me utter were mere witlessness on my part, a display before my companions.'" He gazed at her intently, studying her expressions and hoping to somehow read her thoughts from them.. "They do not reflect my true character, nor do they represent who I am presently. My actions wounded you, and for that, I am sincerely remorseful." At this Colin stood up as well, needing her to understand that he didn't take what he had done lightly.

Penelope seemed to be deep in thought, eyes traveling up and down the length of his person and nodded. It was slow, jerky almost. She gathered the roses from the bench and held them close to her, the flowers bunching pleasantly below her chin and rather reminding Colin of a painting hanging in the Bridgerton home, of a woman drenched in flora, lounging decadently among them.

"I understand." Here she paused, and some of the resistance she had before returned to her. "I accept that it came from a place of inane conversations between peers and I forgive you for it, however.." She trailed of, unsure of how to continue.

"However?" Colin repeated her words, encouraging her to go on. He wished he could reach out and hold her hand like he used t.

"I believe it would be better for ourselves to keep our distance this season." Her gaze held his, resolutely, daring him to refute her wishes. Instead, he chose to question her further.

"Our distance? Whatever for?" Penelope huffed and crossed her arms, the flowers nestled snugly against her chest, drawing his eyes there for a moment before he ripped his gaze away.

"Perhaps a Bridgerton bachelor such as yourself need not worry as the progression of age seems to only heighten your worth however," She drew herself up to her full tiny height for what he assumed was meant to be an intimidating show of conviction.

"For spinsters such as myself - " Here, Colin protested over the use of the word spinster but was overtaken by Penelope. ("You're hardly a spinster!" "I'm on my third year on the marriage mart with no prospects to show for it. What would you call that?") and of course, he had no answer.

"- For spinsters such as myself, " She repeated fimly, "it will make prospects that are already slim become non - existent. I must think of my prospects, Mr. Bridgerton." God, he was beginning to hate the way the name sounded when she said it like that.

He grudgingly accepted, loathing to do so, but understanding that he must.

"I understand. But perhaps, some conversation?" She raised an eyebrow, as if to imply sarcasm at the belief that he had any say in the matter. "Only in appropriately chaperoned settings of course." He amended hastily. Colin had only just won her back, he could not afford to have her believe he was respecting her terms.

She nodded. Colin felt in no uncertain terms that this was a bigger achievement than when they had gotten Eloise to wear the nonsensical feather hat for her debut last season.

"Chaperoned conversations. For the sake of appearances."

Penelope turned to her maid, who dutifully kept up the appearance that she had not heard a word of what had transpired and let her know that they would be returning to the Featherington Estate and to fetch their carriage.

She stood before him, beckoning for the carriage to join them at the gate's entrance, and in that moment, Colin was struck by a subtle shift. Perhaps it was the gentle cascade of her hair, resembling a crown of golden amber, or the soft gossamer day gown she wore, accentuating the delicate blush of her complexion. Whatever it may be, it prompted Colin to extend his hand, gently clasping her slender wrist as she left, eliciting a startled gasp as she turned to find him holding her.

"Penelope, dare I hope to believe that I have begun to regain the honor of your friendship once more?"

Her gaze darted between his hand upon her wrist and his eyes, and she swallowed nervously.

"Yes," she uttered softly, for it was all she could summon in that moment.

The entire ride home, Penelope's maid continued to grouse about the impropriety of the Bridgerton boy, saying in scandalized tones that one does not grab a lady's hand, and that too in the middle of the park! Just wait until Lady Featherington hears about this!

At that Penelope had sharply informed her that she would under no circumstances apprise her mother of any of what had occurred today. She leaned back, head resting against the seat behind her, willing the tears in her eyes to vanish. There was only one conclusion to be made after today's events. Penelope conceded to herself that she could no longer hold onto the hope of ever gaining Colin's affection.

Colin Bridgerton, today, I let you go.

By the time it was nightfall, Colin was about three cups deep into whatever spirits Mondrich kept pushing in his direction and he could not make heads or tails of his heart. For all intents and purposes, he had begun the journey to reconciling with Penelope, with some conditions, and yet he could not alleviate this strange sense of unease inside him

Everything would eventually return to what it was, and yet..why did tha not give him cause to be content? He threw back the drink he was nursing, relishing in the familiar burn that coated the back of his throat. Across from him, Benedict was nursing his own drink, peering at him concernedly.

"Everything alright brother?" Colin would have responded were it not for a round of raucous laughter coming from the table across the room.

"You must be jesting Fife!" Sounds of tankards hitting the wooden table with dull thuds echoed clearly in his ears.

"Surely you cannot be serious!"

"Oh I am quite certain. I confirmed it for myself. The girl is exquisite. Quite the buxom beauty. You danced with her Ainsley, you must tell us!"

"The Featherington girl? She has an ample bosom to be sure." Colin swore he saw Ainsley wink at Fife and his companions, as the blood began to roar in his ears. "But better than that Fife, is to feel all of her pressed against you."

There was more laughter, though now to Colin, the very sound of it felt vulgar. It felt disgusting and like

"I did give Bridgerton a hard time last season but I find myself humbled to realize that I would not mind getting to know Miss Featherington." He swirled his drink in his hand and aimed a conspiratorial look at his mates. "Biblically." Sure enough, the response was uproariously loud and Benedict looked quite green to be hearing it, whilst whatever he felt was decidedly more violent in nature.

"Are we to take that to mean, Fife, that you intend to court her?"

"Heavens never. That does not mean I cannot indulge in the delicacies she has to offer."

Whatever Benedict saw on Colin's face in the wake of that particular statement had him scrambling up out of the chair and vacating the premises before anyone other than Mondrich himself had had a chance to see the peculiar shade of purple Colin had turned.

Promenades weren't usually something to pay attention to. Unlike balls, it was far too wide an arena to keep an eye on. If you wanted to know if anything of true import had occurred, one would assume that Whistledown would have covered it. Except unless, you were the only one aware of such issues.

For Colin, he would maintain that the world remained perfectly normal until that day. Until Penelope had appeared in Wrotham, drenched in shades of blue he had never seen her wear until today. It was a symphony of blue hues, from the palest whisper of morning sky to the deepest, most mysterious shades of midnight.

He could not tear his eyes from her, and when Colin did manage, all he could see was a distinct shift in some of the men nearest to her. Indeed, their gazes trailed behind her as she went, though Penelope was oblivious to the effect she was having. HIs eyes traced the delicate curve of her neck and landed on the small gold chain that rested in the valley of her bodice.

There was no avoiding the allure of her copper-red tresses, gleaming like spun gold in the sunlight, casting a warm glow upon her porcelain complexion. Her lips, tinted with the softest rose, added a delicate charm to her countenance as she conversed with her mother.

Then, Colin observed a gentleman approach, gallantly extending his arm to his once dearest friend, and experienced a peculiar constriction in his chest as she bashfully accepted his offer.

He felt as though the very breath had been stolen from his from behind, he heard his mother.

"Why, is that not Lord Debling?"

Notes:

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, and saved/bookmarked!

So, Colin is finally starting to feel something. It seems time away is good not only for gaining proportion but also perspective. I wonder what he will do now?