chapter 12 Blue lions growing affections
It had been 6 days since Lonato's death, which had shaken up everyone in the group. All of them were dealing with it in different ways. Ashe was silent and barely said anything. Annette and Felix spent most of their time in silence. Dimitri didn't say much either. Neji and Tenten tried to deal with it by keeping their minds on other things. Dedue, the ever-faithful retainer to Dimitri, spent his time making sure everyone was fed and got enough sleep. It affected him as well, though he did a better job at hiding it. Sylvain tried to make light of the situation through humor, though he had shadows in his eyes. Sasuke was able to see that.
Mercedes stayed completely silent. She said nothing for almost 6 days. The battle affected everyone in different ways. The most affected was Ashe, but he was dealing with it in his own way, and Sasuke wasn't going to interfere. Sasuke was able to sympathize with Lonato, even if he didn't agree with him. Revenge was something he could completely relate to due to his own experience.
The road back, Sasuke was able to appreciate the landscape around him. He thought it was beautiful, despite the situation. Despite what had happened, he couldn't help but admire the beauty that he was seeing around him, if only they weren't on a mission.
With the corner of his eye, he noticed Mercedes. She had not said anything for days, and it was worrying him. The woman who usually wore a smile that could brighten anyone's day was now sad. Most of his classmates hadn't taken lives prior to this mission, and they weren't taking it well. Sasuke would be lying to himself if he wasn't disturbed by what they had done.
Despite his harsh words to Dimitri, it still bothered him what he had done. He didn't care before because the only thing that mattered was seeing Itachi dead by his feet. Everything else didn't matter; doing what was necessary is what motivated Sasuke.
He looked at the Blue Lions, the people that have become his friends. He had changed; he had been denying this for a while. He cares more about other things than revenge. What would his mother think if she found out that he had killed civilians? The opinions of his dead mother shouldn't matter, but to him, it does. What honor does this bring to the Uchiha? He could hear his mother say to him if she were alive.
The harsh reality is that there was no other way. There could have been a wider war had the rebellion not been put down like it was. It was a harsh truth, but Sasuke knew that what they did was necessary, even though it was harsh and perhaps cruel to the people who have lost family members and will forever hate the church. What had happened?
He remembers seeing the looks of people who had lost family members by Sasuke's hand, the hatred in their eyes.
"Murderer," he remembered a boy saying.
"Monster," he heard another. It didn't faze him, hearing it because that's not what concerned him. He looked at Mercedes, who got the ire of a man who had lost his wife and children. He wanted to give his friends space because he wanted to give her time to process what had happened.
He still had nightmares, but he didn't want to burden Mercedes with them. He wanted to be strong for her. He didn't want to be a burden. She deserved someone strong, not someone pathetic and weak.
What was wrong with him? He thought. He decided to disregard it for now and focus on just getting back to the monastery. The party decided to stop for the night due to the rain. Everyone set up their tents. It was raining hard. Sasuke set everything up in his tent, including a mini fire to keep him warm. The jacket that he had on, which was given to him before they left the manor because of how cold the climate was, he hung it above where he would be sleeping. Something was bothering him. He felt like he had to do something. He got up, and when he went outside, he saw Mercedes praying in the soaking rain. Her body was soaked from head to toe.
"Mercie, you're going to get sick." Sasuke said worried, but she didn't move.
"Goddess, please forgive me, for I have sinned. My hands are soiled with blood, please." He heard her voice crack; she was crying. She wouldn't move; she was in the same position, praying.
"You're going to get sick, please." Sasuke said, pleadingly. She looked at him; he was difficult to tell with the tears falling because of the rain, but he could see in her eyes.
"I have soiled my soul with the blood of an innocent. How am I any different from a bandit? I'm a murderer." Sasuke wrapped his arms around her. They were soaked, but it didn't matter to Sasuke. He couldn't bear to see her sad or to hear her talk about herself like that.
"You're a kind and gentle soul, you're not a monster." Sasuke said, she cried into Sasuke's chest, as if the sky was aware, it rained even harder, soaking both of them. Had to toe.
He lifted Mercedes bridal style and when inside his tent he gently set her down, he was shivering and so was she. They had to get out of their clothes, otherwise, they would get sick. Sasuke stripped himself out of his clothes to dry them. He made sure to take a string that he had from his pouch, which he normally uses as a ninja tool, and hung his clothes above the fire so they would dry. Mercedes also stripped down, but he turned away so he wouldn't accidentally peek when she was done. He gave her his blanket, but then she realized he didn't have one.
"I can't sleep knowing that you are cold." Mercedes said.
The reason why he found it difficult to be close to her, her naked body, the image was in his mind. He didn't want her to think lowly of him, to think that he thinks of her as a piece of meat when he doesn't. He reluctantly got close to Mercedes as they both wrapped each other with his blanket. They were really close, their faces inches apart.
"Thank you, Sasuke Kun, for being there for me." Mercedes said as their faces got closer.
"I can't bear to see you cry." Sasuke said.
"I can't bear to see you cry either." Mercedes replied.
These emotions that Sasuke was feeling were too strong for him to raw to resist any longer. Before, when he and Mercedes were alone outside the monastery, he pulled back before Mercedes could do anything. His self-control made him want to comfort her in whatever way he could.
He didn't get a chance to think or pull back because Mercedes leaned towards him and kissed him. He didn't fight it; his desire for her was too strong. He had wanted this since the first day he met her. He returned her kiss, not minding if it was on a mission. It didn't matter that he was a foreigner from a foreign land with a foreign culture and a foreign language. This woman he wanted to wipe the tears from her eyes, he wanted to be the one to comfort her.
He went down to her neck and kissed her. He wanted her to forget everything that happened. He would do whatever was necessary. Hearing her whispering his name as if on command, Sasuke pressed his hands on her chest and rubbed them. He heard her groans and knew they had to be quiet because people might hear them. The priority wasn't making her forget about what had happened, but rather enjoying the moment and making sure she was okay with what was happening.
He wasn't sure if he was doing a good job or if he was being a good lover. He wanted Mercedes to enjoy what he was doing to her. Her moans were enough to motivate him to continue. He wasn't experienced in sexual intercourse, but he knew how to pleasure his partner as much as possible. Her body was fully exposed, the blanket no longer covering them both, as Mercedes lay down on her back. Sasuke wanted more. He wanted to pleasure her even more than with just his hands. He wanted to use his mouth.
He went to her right breast and started sucking on it while squeezing her left with his left hand. Her head jerked, her eyes were closing, she was resisting, moaning loudly. She didn't want to wake everyone in the camp. She was moaning softly, he was trying to be careful as much as possible, but it was too much. Her voice was so intoxicating, her body was intoxicating. He switched to her left breast and started sucking on it while squeezing her right with his right hand. Tears were falling, her eyes not out of sorrow but because of how much pleasure she was receiving. She wasn't used to it; Sasuke thought this was her first time.
This made Sasuke happy that she was his first.
"An Sasuke kun" Sasuke pressed his lips on hers as he felt liquid come out of her breast; she couldn't hold her moans due to the intensity of the orgasm she was having. When she was done, he pulled away. They were both breathing heavily. Sasuke was extremely nervous about what to do next; this was their first time, and part of him thought they were going too fast, but the other part of him did not want to stop. He wanted to keep going, and he noticed Mercedes wanted that too. She didn't have to say anything.
"Are you sure about this?" Sasuke asked. Mercedes looked at him with affection. She wanted what Sasuke wanted. They didn't have to say anything to know what the other was thinking.
"Yes, I want it. I want you to make love to me, Sasuke-kun. I know I'm going to sin by doing what I'm about to do with you, but I don't care. I want to forget about everything that has happened. I just want to focus on you, and I want you to focus on me. I want this night to be memorable for both of us. I know it's not an appropriate time, but I want this." Mercedes said. Sasuke lay down on his back, and she closed her eyes, knowing that what she was about to experience would be painful. When Hinata discussed what it was like to make love for the first time, she knew there would be pain at first before pleasure replaced it, but for her, she didn't care. She wanted to forget about the horrible looks on those people's faces, the men she had widowed, and the boy who no longer had a mother. She didn't want to think about anything; she just wanted to focus on the moment with Sasuke. She knew it was sinful, but at that moment, she didn't care.
She felt Sasuke put his member inside of her. He got up in order to face her. They were in a sitting position. He wiped the tears from her face.
"Don't worry about me, it will pass." Mercedes said, trying to save face and look strong.
"I'll be gentle." Sasuke said softly. She started to move, and the pain that she was feeling was nothing compared to the pain of a husband who had lost his wife and a boy who would no longer be able to see his mother. She looked at Sasuke, who thrust slowly to allow her to adjust. She heard him groan, and she was sweating heavily. She felt him thrust into her faster, and the pain was starting to fade. She was feeling nothing but pleasure. Whatever feelings she was experiencing, whether it was wrong for her to feel this way after what had happened, the most important thing was to be a good lover for Sasuke. She didn't know what her feelings were for him, but they were deeper than friendship, much deeper.
She felt him touch her soul. He kissed her intensely as she lay back, and Sasuke thrust even faster. It took everything she had not to scream, the pleasure and pain she was feeling were nothing she had ever imagined. She didn't pay attention when blood came out the first time he injected himself; she didn't pay attention to anything. All she was focusing on was Sasuke himself.
She begged him to go faster. She grabbed onto his back, holding on, as if hearing her moaning his name, he did exactly what she requested. She didn't care if the whole world knew her and Sasuke were making love at a time that would not be considered appropriate. She did not care. To hell with the rules, to hell with everything. Nothing else matters but them. The world did not exist. The only thing that existed was her and Sasuke.
Their bodies continued to press together as Sasuke increased his speed, and Mercedes, completely lost in the moment, no longer cared if anyone heard her begging him to go even faster. She had pictured this moment; this would be with someone who would one day be her husband, not one of her friends that she had met. Sasuke was someone special; what were her feelings towards him? She had asked herself that days ago. Had it not been for her self-control, she would have made love to him when they were outside the monastery. She had wanted this since she first met him.
"Sasuke kun" Mercedes moaned as fluids came out of her vagina. She knew Sasuke was reaching his limit; he was moaning her name.
"Mercie" Sasuke moaned as he thrust deep inside her womb. He didn't pull out but instead released inside her. It was dangerous; there was a risk of pregnancy from what they just did. But at the moment, it didn't matter. He collapsed alongside Mercedes, both of them breathing heavily. They couldn't believe what they had just done.
Sasuke took the blanket that he had and covered them both. She put her head on his chest, his bare chest, and she couldn't believe she was the one able to feel it, to feel every part of him. If they weren't on a mission, she would want to fully explore every part of him. Despite the situation, she couldn't help but imagine all the things they could do together.
But then she thought about the boy and the man that she had widowed; it wouldn't leave her mind. It was brief, the pain that she had felt. Sasuke noticed her turmoil and spoke in a soft voice.
"You're not a monster; you're a kind and gentle soul, Mercie. You're not someone that should be taking other people's lives. You shouldn't be your hand should be used to save lives, not take them." Sasuke said as he wrapped his hands around hers. She felt like her hands were covered in blood, even though there was no blood, but she feels like there is.
"I'm not a kind and gentle soul. A family is destroyed because of me. There had to be another way. Violence could not have been the answer. Why? Why? Why?" Mercedes cried into his chest, and he put his hands to her hair.
"The world would be a better place if there was more people like you. I wish there was another way. I wish you didn't have to witness all that brutality or do it yourself. You're not someone that should be killing others; it's not who you are, Mercie. Your soul is clean and pure, unlike mine." Sasuke said with feelings from his heart. She never heard that from anyone before, never heard anyone think that highly of her.
"You're not a tainted soul, I know you're not." Sasuke said as he lifted her face.
"You're beautiful, your soul is beautiful, everything about you is beautiful, I don't feel worthy." Sasuke said with deep affection.
"All my life, people have coveted my crest. I wish I wasn't born with one; it has brought me nothing but pain and misery." Mercedes said, not realizing that Sasuke had no idea what she was talking about.
"You don't have to tell me right now," Sasuke said, sensing her discomfort. He was able to read into her mind.
"You're a good friend, Sasuke-kun. I'm lucky to have gotten to know the real you, even if I have a lot more to learn. I'm grateful. Nobody else has even tried to get to know me or even cares about the things that are precious to me. I wish we would have met sooner." Mercedes said, not realizing what those feelings entailed.
"I wish I would have met you in the times when I had no one. You're one in a million, Mercie. There's no other woman like you." He kissed her, and the passion was different than before. It was as if he was reaching into her soul. This was different; this was not like other feelings that she had had for other men. Revulsion, a crush, Sasuke... She felt something different entirely. These feelings, she didn't fight them.
when they were done Sasuke pulled away she wanted to ask Hinata what were these feelings she was feeling she was scared. she's so desperately wanted to feel loved to be loved for who she truly is.
she thought about it would it really be such a bad thing if Sasuke was that person? as she fell asleep she dreamed about Sasuke and for the moment the nightmares had passed.
Dedue was the first to wake up. He was glad it wasn't raining. It was his turn to go on watch, as fate would have it, to make sure Dimitri was safe from any potential assassins that might target him for revenge due to his part in the death of Lonato. It would be dawn soon, and he started to cook breakfast for his classmates so that they would have something to eat when they woke up. It took some time due to him not having the resources he was normally used to having at the monastery, but he was raised to work with less than what he currently had by his parents in Duscur.
He felt sad every time he thought about his former home and the family that was no longer a part of this world, and part of him would be lying if he didn't hate Faerghus and its people for what they had done to Duscur. However, he couldn't allow that hatred to blind him from his true purpose: to save his people and right the wrongs they had been subjected to. The only way to do that was to have Dimitri on the throne, and he would protect him by whatever means necessary.
For that reason, he could never bring himself to call Dimitri a friend, as it would violate a promise he had made to his people. As much as he would like to call Dimitri a friend, the man had saved him and protected him when no one else did. He had taught him how to read and write and had treated him with more kindness than anyone after the death of his family.
Despite this, he couldn't bring himself to do what Dimitri desired and call him by his name, not until his people got justice for the crimes they didn't commit. He heard bird footsteps and looked to see it was none other than Dimitri, who looked like he had barely slept.
"You should be careful, Your Highness. Your lack of sleep could get you killed if an ambush should occur." Dedue said with concern. Dimitri sat next to him as he continued to cook everyone's breakfast.
"I couldn't sleep," Dimitri said. He knew that look; he had a nightmare and hadn't been able to sleep as a result.
"Is there really no other way?" Dimitri asked him.
"Has Sasuke said Lonato was fighting for his own justice? I do not believe he could have been convinced to change his mind; it was too late for either party. Him dying in the way he did was preferable to a wider conflict spreading, which would have cost more lives in the process." Dedue said the same thing that Sasuke would have likely said if he was present. He knew it was cold and harsh, but it was the truth as far as he saw it.
"What is even justice, anyway?" Dimitri asked him. There was more than one answer he could give, but only one would be satisfactory to Dimitri. However, to Dedue, he took Sasuke's position.
"I think revenge and justice are one and the same. Sasuke wasn't wrong when he said that. Who's to say that we were in the wrong or Lonato? Both of our sides believed we were fighting for justice. He thought he was fighting for justice, and we did the same. Those are two bad things for two good people to believe their side is just, and those who commit horrific atrocities also believe they are doing so for a cause of justice. Things are not so simple. I do wish we could have solved that situation without violence, but it was impossible. Lonato's hatred for the Central Church had been festering for years. Losing sleep over this won't bring them back, Your Highness." Dedue finished cooking breakfast for everyone. He was going to go to the tents one by one to tell them breakfast was ready.
"Dedue, I really wish there was another way to resolve the conflict other than through violence. I can't help but feel like there must be another way; violence cannot be the only answer to these situations. How am I supposed to be a king if I can't even talk to my subjects and try to prevent a war through dialogue and diplomacy instead of by the sword? I don't want to be a tyrant, Dedue. That's what my father was accused of being at the end of his life before he was murdered." Dimitri said, flinching even when he mentioned his father and the possibility of being a tyrant. Dedue didn't believe that Lambert was a tyrant because he wasn't the kind of man that would be, considering the queen that was never crowned was his advisor and, according to rumors, his lover. His parents told him stories about the queen that was never crowned, and how it was a tragedy that she was forced to go back to a home that wasn't hers.
He didn't know anything about the queen that was never crowned, except for stories about how she managed to resolve conflicts without escalating them into violence, how she was able to gain the trust of those who were initially hostile to the kingdom, even her enemies and nearby nations respected her and mourned her loss. She was a beloved figure, and he didn't know if there was any truth to any of these stories, but he liked to believe there was.
"Your Highness, save your strength; it'll be a long journey today." Dedue said as he went to the nearest tent, where Annette and Felix were sleeping. When he looked, he saw them both sleeping; Annette's hair was down, and her face was on his chest, while Felix had his arms wrapped around her. He thought it was a cute scene, though he would never admit that out loud.
"Breakfast is ready," Dedue said loud enough for both of them to hear.
"Is it really that time already?" said Annette, yawning.
"Well, it's just in time. I'm hungry," said Felix.
He left them both alone and went to the other tents. The last one he went to was the furthest one from their encampment, Sasuke's tent.
When he poked his head inside, he saw Sasuke and Mercedes asleep. Mercedes was leaning on Sasuke's chest, and both of them were completely nude. Their clothes were hanging above the fire. He didn't want to embarrass them or reveal their intimate secret because, to him, those moments were sacred and should be private, known only to the lovers.
He went to where everyone else was eating breakfast, making sure to get enough for both Sasuke and Mercedes. Luckily, the food was still warm. He put it in a bowl and placed it inside their tent, close to the entrance. They would smell it, and the smell would wake them up.
When he was done, he went to where everyone else was eating, and they were wondering where Sasuke and Mercedes were. He looked at Sakura, who wasn't too happy that she had to eat camp food again, but he wasn't concerned with what the pink-haired banshee thought. Sasuke and Mercedes were his classmates, and he wasn't going to have anyone in the camp know about their private moments.
Mercedes opened her eyes to the smell of food. She heard her stomach growl before she could do anything, she realized the position she was in. She was completely naked, and she looked around. It was Sasuke, and then she blushed and couldn't believe it. No, she couldn't have. Then she remembered what happened. She was praying in the rain, crying over what had happened to the people who had lost family members in the battle, and Sasuke comforting her. He made love to her.She went to where her clothes were and started to dress. It wasn't completely dry, but considering how long she'd been traveling, it would be dry by the afternoon. When she was done getting dressed, she felt Sasuke's arms wrapped around her.
"Good morning," Sasuke said.
"Good morning, Sasuke-kun," Mercedes replied. Sasuke let go of her and got dressed himself. When he was done, she took the food that Dedue had made. They sat cross-legged and ate, mostly in silence. She had no idea what to say about what she had done the previous night. She knew that sex before marriage was not looked upon highly in her faith, unless it was with someone she loved. Lustful desires were frowned upon, but lust was not what she had felt for Sasuke. That wasn't sex; it was lovemaking. He had touched a part of her soul. She couldn't explain it.
"I'm sorry for losing control of myself last night," Sasuke said apologetically. He felt guilty for what they had done, but he didn't do anything wrong. He was only doing what she wanted, but her desires were confusing. She had to let him know that.
"You did nothing wrong; you have nothing to be ashamed of," Mercedes replied.
"I just couldn't stand seeing you cry. I couldn't stand seeing you sad. I wanted to comfort you, hold you, and tell you it's going to be okay. I never felt this way towards anyone before. These feelings are so alien to me. I never had time for such things back home. Training was all I focused on," Sasuke explained. It made sense to her. His difficulty talking to people made sense. It made sense that Dimitri reaching out to Sasuke is what had him ultimately choose the Blue Lions.
"I'm glad you chose the Blue Lions, Sasuke-kun. I think the goddess brought us together," Mercedes said, not realizing the implications. Sasuke turned away, and she did as well.
"It's a beautiful religion. I know I'm ignorant of the teachings of the goddess Sothis, but the more I learn about her, I feel like I'm getting closer to understanding you. I feel like I learn more about you, and I'm glad I chose the Blue Lions because..." Sasuke leaned towards her, and she didn't resist when he kissed her again. This feeling in her stomach, the butterflies, she didn't find it unpleasant. She felt his hands on her shoulders, and she wanted him. If they weren't traveling, she would let him have his way with her. Things had changed between them last night.
Hearing footsteps, they backed away, not wanting people to discover how close they were.
"We're about to head out, you two," said Manuela authoritatively, not wanting their professor to walk in on them. They both got their things and helped bring down their tent. She wasn't sure how they were going to explain how they slept in the same tent. When they were done, and before any questions could be asked, Sasuke made sure to say something to shut any rumors down.
"It was raining hard last night, and Mercedes needed a tent to sleep in due to hers not being set up," Sasuke said, which was not too far from the truth, though why it was no one's business. Sasuke and Mercedes' precious moments together were only for them and them alone. Nobody else had any right to know. Nobody asked Sasuke to elaborate; they thought the goddess was behind it. They got on their horses, and unfortunately, she had to maintain appearances that Sasuke and she were just friends, despite what had happened the previous night.
"Those two cannot have made it more obvious if they tried," Sylvain said with a smile. When he saw Sasuke and Mercedes hiding what had obviously happened the previous night, there was no way they didn't do what anyone who paid attention believed that they did. Friends don't sleep in the same tent and have the looks of someone who feels much more than that. It was obvious to Sylvain that Sasuke was in love with Mercedes, possibly from the first day he laid eyes on her. He didn't want to brag, but he felt like he was the first to see the signs, even before they talked.
"I'm happy for them. They look so cute together," said Annette with her girlish smile. Of course, she would say that Mercedes is her best friend, Sylvain thought. Part of him wished it was him, though. There was someone else special to him that he knew was forever beyond his reach. He didn't want to showcase the pain that he was feeling, knowing that the girl he loved since childhood would never be anything more than a friend. No, he disregarded that thought. Ingrid deserved happiness, no matter who gave it to her. But part of him couldn't help but feel jealous of Naruto Uzumaki. What was it about him that made him so alluring to people, especially to Ingrid?
"What do you think the Banshee will find out?" asked Sylvain out of curiosity. It'd be funny to see the angry look on Sakura's face when she finds out that Sasuke and Mercedes are lovers, and in the near future, boyfriend and girlfriend. He knew it was going to happen; it was inevitable. He looked forward to the day he could see Sakura get what she rightfully deserved. Considering the way she treats everyone, the blue lions, and how she doesn't do anything on the mission better than going on, she didn't even try to help. She was dead weight. It was a surprise that no one in the class died because of her uselessness.
"I personally don't give a damn one way or the other," said Felix, not really caring one way or the other. Whenever it came to Sakura, though, he did see, from a quarter of his mouth, a smile regarding Sasuke and Mercedes.
"We really should play dumb, you know. We can't have them know that we know," said Annette, which is something that Sylvain completely agreed with. There's no need for Sasuke and Mercedes to know. In fact, let them believe that everyone is ignorant when it's obvious to anyone who's been paying attention that they were both in love with each other and made love the previous night. Let them believe that their ignorance matters not to Sylvain. It would be satisfying once they revealed to everyone what everyone's been seeing the whole time.
"Out of curiosity, who do you think is going to confess first?" asked Annette curiously.
"It will be Mercedes," said Sylvain, which he could tell from Annette's eyes that she agreed. Though Felix's expression told him a different story altogether.
"It'll be Sasuke first, I guarantee you on that one. Though it doesn't matter one way or the other, it's not our business, and we should cut this conversation short before they catch on that we know what they did last night," Felix said, and as he finished, Sasuke and Mercedes passed them. They were in their own world. Sasuke was reading a book that looked like a foreign edition of the book of Sothis,
They were passing the time as they were on the road. Sasuke was reading the book to her, and his language, and she tried to say the words from the translation the best she could. Sasuke patiently explained the meaning of each of the words as she was saying them. They were bonding even more by Sasuke teaching her his language, and at the same time, Mercedes was teaching him about the goddess, a tradition in his homeland. Foreigners often teach their potential friends or partners about their religion and language. Though, in Sasuke's case, he was teaching her his language. Another tradition that Sasuke is unknowingly embracing is that he wasn't doing this for any reason other than to get to know Mercedes. He was genuine in his actions.
Another reason Sylvain did not object to Sasuke and Mercedes' union, despite his feelings about him at the beginning, was that Sasuke, when he opened up, was a sad and lonely soul. Mercedes was the one who helped fill that void, and Dimitri was the one person who went out of his way to reach out to him by offering his hand and being honest. He couldn't help but think about what could have happened had Claude or Edelgard done the same. He did not expect someone like Sasuke to ever choose the Blue Lions. He thought that when he laid his eyes on Sasuke for the first time, he would choose the Black Eagles, as that's what Uchiha's normally chose. The only other Uchiha that chose the Blue Lions, no, he doesn't dare mention his name. The name of Itachi Uchiha fills him with revulsion.
If he ever had a chance to do it he would kill Itachi himself scum like him has soiled the name of the Blue Lions if Sasuke allowed him to help him he would gladly do it there is an a single blue Lions that knows about Itachi that doesn't want him dead. No he doesn't think Sasuke would want anyone involved with his clans feud. He saw the sun about the set in a few days they would be back home though he didn't know why but he had a feeling this was not the end he felt like there would be something else they'd have to deal with on their mission before it would be over.
How many people would you have to kill? He hopes he doesn't have to kill more civilians, the idea of killing any boys, I can't even lift a sword, or men or women, there aren't even soldiers, make some sick. He shoves those thoughts deep into his mind. His father would not like him thinking this way, considering he disowned his brother because he didn't have a crest and he was his heir. He had to remain strong, or at least have the appearance of someone that's strong, because after all, that is what will be expected of the son of Matthias Gautier, who was considered a disappointment. He put aside his thoughts about his family and focused on the task at hand.
He set up his tent, lay down his back, and closed his eyes. They'd have to get up early tomorrow, and he wanted to get some shut-eye before he was expected to go on watch. He went to sleep dreamlessly and would later be woken up by Dimitri when it was his turn to be on watch.
Dimitri was on watch; it was his turn. He found it difficult to sleep, very difficult. What happened on the mission? The hateful looks on the people that supported and fought and died for their Lord... It was hard for Dimitri to deal with. The burden of leadership, his father had once told him, "There would be choices that he would have to make that would feel wrong, but there are situations where there is no right choice. There's an evil choice and an even more evil choice, and sometimes choosing the lesser evil was the only option to minimize harm done to the innocent."
Dimitri hated the very idea of the lesser evil. Evil was still evil in Dimitri's eyes. The amount of people that he had killed was another people that would haunt him until the end of his days. Even at this moment, he was here in the voices of the people that died that day, where his father died, the day that his life changed. He had witnessed the death of his father; an assassin shoved a blade deep into his father's back. He was only 12 when he saw it; that moment shattered his psyche. He had not been the same, though he tried to hide it, he felt a rage that was difficult to control and difficult to contain, a beast wanting to burst out of its cage.
The thing that he was worried about most of all was Hinata, the girl who was like a little sister to him. He didn't think he would ever think of her that way, but she had told them a month ago that she couldn't see him more than that. The protective instinct of a big brother, he didn't think he would develop those feelings, but he did, and it felt natural. What if something happened to her? He felt hopeless. He couldn't protect her or Edelgard for that matter. Was he thinking too much? They were on a mission to track down a bandit and eliminate the band. It was a simple mission, but so was putting down a rebellion. Nothing was what it seemed. Dimitri couldn't help but feel like there was more at work, like as if there was some sinister force that was pulling the strings. Everyone was a puppet to a schemer.
Of course, he felt crazy for even thinking that there was no way there was a schemer. Ever since that new professor came into the monastery and taught the Black Eagles, things had changed rapidly. Their professor had won the mock battle, but there were other things that changed too. Ingrid's transferring to the Black Eagles was a surprise that Dimitri did not expect. He had not talked to her much since the transfer. He really wanted to talk to her again. She was his friend. He didn't get a chance to indulge in his thoughts further when he heard footsteps and saw that it was Neji, Hinata's cousin and retainer. He felt it was strange that he wasn't in the Black Eagles.
"Dimitri-sama, you should get some sleep. You can barely keep your eyes open," Neji said in a neutral tone.
"I'm fine, Neji-san," Dimitri replied in his language.
"No, you're not. You have barely gotten any sleep since the mission, and your retainer brought his concerns to my attention. Considering you won't listen to him, I bring it upon myself to make you listen. I can go on watch better than you can. Get some sleep. We can't have the Future King get killed on some mission by some random bandit, can we?" Neji said jokingly, which was the opposite of the image he projected earlier.
"Before I do that, I have a question. Why aren't you in the Black Eagles? Hinata is your retainer, and I just find it strange," Dimitri said, which did not surprise Neji in the slightest with his comment because he got that a lot.
"I personally prefer the Blue Lions. The atmosphere is more pleasant to me, and not to mention, I would rather take destiny into my own hands than let someone else decide for me. Hinata-sama is more than capable of defending herself with Ingrid Galatea. She's in good hands," Neji said with confidence.
"How would you know?" Dimitri asked.
"I sparred with her before we left," Neji answered.
Flashback 13 days ago
He knew he was short on time, since he was in a different class, he had to know for sure if this girl was capable of doing Neji's duties in his absence. The girl was walking past them before Neji spoke.
"I take it you're one of Naruto's friends?" asked Neji. The girl turned around; she did not look like she wanted to talk to him, but that did not matter to him. He had to know if she was capable of protecting Hinata.
"Yes, is there anything you need? I'm short on time." Ingrid said impatiently.
"Hinata-sama is your classmate, correct?" Neji asked her. The girl was getting agitated by being delayed, but he had to get any information he could before he left on his mission. Before he met his house leader, he needed to know.
"She's my friend, yes, she is my classmate. What is it that you need? I don't have the time. State your business." Ingrid said, tired of him beating around the bush.
"I wish to spar with you to see if you're worthy of being Hinata-sama's protector." Neji said, which caused her to sigh.
"If it'll get you to leave me alone, I'll do it." Ingrid said as she escorted him to the sparring Arena of the Black Eagles. He saw her go for a weapon of choice, a lance. He went to his side of the arena, and she went to hers. He had no idea how strong this woman was, but he did know that the girl's family, all of them were strong, male and female, and this girl would likely be no different. He thought she would put up a good fight. He would win, and she would be adequate to protect Hinata. Little did he know how wrong he would be proven.
Things were silent between them until neji made the first move he was about to strike at her chest but Ingrid calmly moved out of the way as if she was made of water. No other opponent would be able to dodge that blow unless they had sparred with someone who used the gentle fist on a regular basis. He decided to try a different tactic he tried to do multiple palm strikes striking at Ingrid's lower and upper thighsBut that didn't work She blocked his attacks with her Lance andkicked Neji to the ground. There's no way this was a lucky hit. He underestimated her He wouldn't make that mistake again That's what he thought when he was fighting her
He tried attacking her with his eight trigram air palm, but she dodged out of the way as if she could see through his technique. He attempted to overwhelm her with force, but she continued to block and counter everything he did. It was as if her body was moving on its own, driven by instinct. Hinata never gave him this much trouble; in fact, Hinata never won any of their sparring matches. Yet, here was this girl, who knew no Jitsu, blocking and countering everything he threw at her. It was as if she could read his mind, as if she could see a few seconds into the future.
"Is this really the best you can do? Hinata gives me a better fight than this," said Ingrid, irritated that he had dragged her all the way here, as if she didn't consider him worth her time.
"Surely you are mistaken. There's no way Hinata-sama is able to give you this much trouble," Neji said in disbelief.
"Whatever you believe is outdated. Hinata and I have sparred almost every day in the past month. I assure you, she is stronger than you. I don't think there's any point in continuing this match; it's a foregone conclusion," Ingrid said dismissively, as if she was treating him as an inferior.
"I will be the judge of that," said Neji as he was about to get to his stance to activate his signature technique, but Ingrid did not allow him to do so. He was shocked at how she was able to get behind him so quickly and pointed the tip of the lance at his throat. He had lost. He had underestimated her.
"Your first mistake was underestimating me, the second mistake was not going all out from the very start. You might have had a chance to win had you done that, but you did not, and that's why it is I that wins this day, and not you," Ingrid said as she pulled the tip of the lance away and put the wooden practice weapon away.
He couldn't help but feel ashamed. He was beaten because he was arrogant and acted like this girl was not someone to take seriously, and she proved him wrong. It hurt his pride, but another thing that it did was make him feel relieved. Hinata was safe; she was more than capable of defending herself, and this girl was more than capable of defending Hinata. In fact, she was more capable than him. He was considering choosing the Black Eagles, considering he did not want someone so weak to be protecting Hinata, but why should he have to do the bidding of his uncle when he can make his own choice?
After Neji finished his tale, Dimitri was surprised at how easily Ingrid defeated one of the elite from the Hyuga clan. He couldn't believe that she had grown that strong in just a month. The professor of the Black Eagles had brought out a talent in people that they didn't see in themselves, or that others didn't see. He couldn't help but think it was a shame that he didn't have Byleth Eisner as his professor, but he quickly dismissed that thought, reflecting on how different the past could have been, or should have been, but finding it pointless to dwell on it.
"Hinata-sama would be devastated if something were to happen to you, Dimitri-sama. Get some sleep; I will take watch." Neji ordered. Dimitri wasn't going to try to rebuke what he had to say, as he was struggling to keep his eyes open.
As he got up, he figured he should say something to his classmate to let him know that he was welcomed in his class.
"Whatever the circumstances of you joining my class, I wish I could have properly welcomed you, but we didn't have the time." Dimitri said, which caused the brown-haired man to shake his head.
"My team was late, it is our responsibility. We have no one to blame but ourselves for that. Know this, Dimitri-sama, I will make sure that you come back alive. You have my word on that." Neji said as he sat in his position. Dimitri went to his tent and lay on his back, he looked at the ceiling of his tent, thinking about what he had learned.
He closed his eyes and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
Sasuke and Mercedes were eating dinner while Sasuke was reading the third chapter of the Book of Sothis in his language of Konoha, though it wasn't in the language of the Uchiha, a translation of Sothis' teachings didn't exist for that language, but he could find other ways for the Sage of Six Paths to teach her if she was interested. She looked at him with fascination as he explained each word and their meanings. She spoke to him in his language, though it was hard for her to say it coherently due to her not being able to speak it well because she had just started, but she made progress quickly. She was a fast learner.
"Such a beautiful language, the beauty of Sothis' teachings aren't lost in your language, Sasuke-kun. I wish more people would listen; the world would be a better place if people simply learned to love and care about each other rather than resort to violence to resolve differences." Mercedes said, her voice tinged with sadness.
"The world would be more peaceful if people stopped resorting to violence and stopped being selfish. Those who want peace for selfish reasons do it because they want a false sense of peace. That's what Konoha is when I think about it, I mean compared to what the church has done. What has the will of fire done to prevent wars? What has the will of fire have done to ensure lasting peace? In the span of a century, more wars have happened with the founding of the Five Nations. Then, most of the history of the church of Seiros in the past millennium alone. I could count only on one hand the amount of conflicts that have occurred in the past thousand years. Well, in that same time in the thousand years in the continent of the five nations, even before the five nations existed, there was war almost every 20 to 30 years. Is it any wonder why? The only language my home understands is violence," Sasuke said passionately. He didn't understand why it mattered so much, but when he was exposed to the church's doctrine, he was exposed to a vastly different culture than what he was raised with. He knows there are fanatics, obviously, who follow the goddess, but that is only a small percentage of her followers compared to the will fire. It is his night and day, which one has caused more suffering in the world, and which one has brought more peace to the world. He couldn't help but feel angry at the lies that he was raised with, his whole life, on how culturally backwards the people of Faerghus are, and what he had encountered from his interactions with his classmates. They were not backwards in any sense, nor were the people that he encountered on his mission to put down a rebellion. They were everyday people.
Faerghus people are hard loyal because the King actually cares about his subjects, while in Konoha, loyalty is bought through violence and intimidation. His disgust at the culture that he was raised in could not be expressed openly. How can he tell Mercedes any of this? She knows this. He was thinking darkly about his feelings and decided to cut his inner thoughts short, not wanting to make his friend feel unwelcomed. Was she his friend, or was she something more? He didn't know at this point.
"What is the will of Fire Sasuke Kun?" Mercedes asked him. Sasuke realized his rantings put them on the spot. He had to explain this to her to get her to understand.
"The Will of Fire, the doctrine says that everyone in the village is family, that everyone in the village is part of a gigantic family, and loyalty to your family is the most important part of your being." Sasuke explained. Mercedes had a question on her face. He knew that wouldn't satisfy her.
"That's not a bad thing, but why would you say that Will of Fire is so terrible if family is important?" Mercedes asked him. He understood her confusion. She doesn't know the culture of Konoha.
"Do you think family would be sending their children to situations that could lead to their deaths? Do you think family would send boys and girls who are barely old enough to stand to fight and die in wars? In the war states era, children were the most common casualties of war. Most didn't survive past the age of five." Sasuke explained, causing Mercedes to have a look of disgust and revulsion at this revelation.
"You mean even to this day they have child soldiers?" Mercedes asked, barely able to get the words out. He didn't think about that before. Him being a child soldier. In fact, all of his classmates that graduated from the academy are. He didn't think about these things before until he set foot in the monastery and started being around other people from other cultures that never did the things that Konoha has done.
Mercedes had a sad look on her face, as if witnessing the loss of his innocence at such a young age was a tragedy. But he didn't lose his innocence at the age of 12; he lost it at the age of 7.
"I think you deserve better than Konoha, Sasuke," Mercedes said quietly.
"When Dimitri reached out to me, I felt like, for the first time, the light shone on me. The darkness that had engulfed me, the darkness in my soul, I felt like Dimitri offered me a way out. I don't know what to think anymore about my village. I know it's been a short amount of time, but I cannot see it as my home anymore." Sasuke said, thinking about the empty apartment, the shallow fangirls that only cared about one thing.
"You're a good man, Sasuke. I really think you are. I don't think you deserve what has happened to you. I'm glad to be your friend." Sasuke wrapped his arms around her. She was going to cry again, and he didn't want to see or hear her cry. He wanted to protect her smile; that to him was more precious than anything back in Konoha.
"I don't know if me being a good man is actually true, but thank you," Sasuke said. A man like him doesn't deserve an angel like Mercedes; someone that was so patient and caring, who always listened and didn't judge anyone. To Sasuke, she was perfect. His heart was beating, and his cheeks were pink. Mercedes buried her face on his right shoulder.
"When you are old enough, Sasuke, make sure to find a girl that is mature and caring. She would make a good wife for you someday if you ever found someone like that," Sasuke's mother said to him the week before she was killed by his brother. Mercedes was the kind of woman that his mother would approve of. The sadness when he thinks about what could never be... Why was he thinking this? His main focus should be revenge, yet he is spending time extensively with this woman, teaching her his language, having her teach him about her religion and her culture. The Sasuke of a year ago would be disgusted with the man that he is now. Revenge was not his main priority; protecting his friends and this woman that's in his arms is what became the most important thing. Accepting Catherine's offer for training was the next step; he had to get stronger. He couldn't be weak anymore. One day, he will encounter his brother, and when he does, he cannot be like a helpless child like he was the day that his parents and his entire clan were murdered by Itachi's hand.
"You are a good man, yes, don't give yourself enough credit," Mercedes leaned towards Sasuke and kissed him. He didn't fight what he was feeling at this moment. She was on top of him, and he could tell without her saying anything what she wanted. He wasn't going to deny this angel her desire. He wanted to see her smile, he wanted to see her happy. He felt her, and he did the same for her. Right now, the priority was Mercedes, not himself. He would consider his feelings for her later. Right now, being in her arms, being in her presence, making love to her, was what his greatest desire was, more than revenge.
He entertained the idea for a second. The idea of loving this woman wouldn't be such a bad thing, and her loving him, though he doesn't think he has a chance, he can't help but dream. The two were in their own world. They made love throughout the night, not caring about their lack of sleep the next morning. To Sasuke, it was worth it.