I changed narrative for this chapter to third for this chapter only.
Cali blinked; it had only felt like minutes as she opened her eyes. The moonstone room glimmered as the sun was setting. The gossamer curtains flowed unnaturally in a breeze that was not there. Outside, snow fell, but none of it landing on the balcony.
She rubbed the sleep away, leaning up as she touched her chest, feeling the three gems now buried in her skin. She had to see, had to know if it were just a dream to not feel all that pain. It all felt like a dream, like it had all happened so fast and then she was here.
Remember yourself. If the memories she had were not all of them, then who was she really? Daughter of Motherrang in her ears.
Her ethereal voice still thrummed vividly in her mind. Her iridescent glow, how she could not quit see her face, not until after she kissed her forehead. It only lasted a second, but she glowed in a bronzing light, golden eyes just beyond that light, before it became nothing, and her eyes opened.
Cali moved from the bed; the night court gown flowing to her thighs as she stood. She felt lighter, like the steps she took was the air itself. She inspected herself in the wide body length mirror, swirling a finger around the center of her chest. On the skin that lay perfectly around the gem.
The symbol of the necklace inked in glowing gold lines, the three precious items at the center that popped out like the syphons on Cassian and Azriel's clothes. The Crystal cat eye radiated in the center, just under her collar bone.
The two black pearls under the crystal and off to either side, creating a right triangle if you were to connect them by centers; rested above her cleavage line. She eyed them, then took in how her body had changed. She still had the flowy brown locks, and her face much the same, but slightly sharper, and a bit sunk in.
She felt her pointed ears, relieved they had stayed the same. It was everything else, as her heart thudded in her chest, that brought the worry. Not one, but both arms were adorned in golden lines and vines of the same glowing ink. She contemplated a bargain, shaking her head. I do not understand, there was no… She thought.
She told her yes. An exchange for life, just like with Rhysand. She was so uncertain if it were a bargain or not. Her eyes trailed to her toes, her feet covered like little flats, and as the lines came up, they depicted life. Her life, the bits she could remember.
She yanked the nightgown off, they were everywhere. This was more than a small bargain, if it were one, and she felt her life would be forfeited for how much was here. Not that she had cared much to live. Yet, for some reason, she kept holding on, because in that moment, she thought of Rhysand and how he told her not to do that.
A don't and she wanted to believe he would be sad of she let herself die. If she were to let go. So, she reached out, because even if it had not turned out right, he would at least know she had tried. Late, but she tried. Now she had this thing that seemed like a bargain.
She had read about them, the more there is to fulfill, the more that covers your body. Some had no markings, but with the same power, meaning and consequences. The lines extended to just under the neck, around her ears. She was only missing her face and hands.
She turned, seeing the golden lined wings aligned down her back and around the ass. Looking as though they were folded a few times. No skin untouched, overlapping Rhysand's tattooed bargain. Not even the intimate areas were not left out of this, and everything glowed, the moonstone floors reflecting that glow around the room.
The wings had her questioning. Of all the lines, these where the most distinguishable. They felt familiar. The more she imagined it, the closer it felt. A shiver moved up her spin, gold lines flowing over the shoulder. Not just lines, but translucent, opalescent. Two on each side that reached to the sky's, curved up, under, and then up to a point. Flowing down with jagged but smooth edges until they came back in. The bottom much the same but slightly smaller.
She ogled at whimsical swirls of the eight overlapping wings, and traced the part she could touch. Little pieces of memories coming back. Then it came like a flood gate. Awed over and toyed with. She pulled them back, no one should know about this. Especially him. Not that god.
She thought about how hard it would be hard to hide this with the fashion of the night court. There was no one here to see, so she could dress as she pleased. She figured Rhysand and Mor knew. What she did not understand was why she was here other than it was time for the bargain to be used.
Cali sifted through the clothes, pulling out a navy blue and gold dress. A slit down both sides reached above the hips. Her heart beat a little fast, but hunger was winning over that fear of being seen. She peeked through the door before she stepped out to the hallway, listening to the shadows for signs of life. When nothing came, only then, did she step out.
Stomach growling, she made her way up the stairs and to the right. Feeling one thing living here, the faintest heartbeat was like thunder. She calmed those senses and traced the source, the egg. A sigh of relief, because she was not ready to face anyone yet. Not hatched but moving softly, that little thing bringing a smile to her face.
She could see the little soul inside, how big the little worm was, not time. That soon would be months from now. With that little piece of knowledge, she was able to let it sit, not have to worry so much as to the when.
Her hunger carried her to the kitchen where she pulled things from the fridge and cabinets to cook. Imagining the piano, she let the shadows play with it as she cooked. Singing along to the song, toasting bread to butter, eating it as bacon cooked in the oven. Flipping the eggs over, she felt the shadows shift and another heartbeat.
She turned completely around and looked wide eyed to the blue syphon bat boy. His short black hair styled back, dressed in his black Illyrian leathers. Wings tucked neatly behind him as he leaned on one shoulder in the doorway, arms crossed.
His eyes were also wide, she had sensed him the second he was there. He was hiding, he wanted to watch, not to spook her, or let her know he was there watching over her. He wondered if he let his training slip.
Cali had expected Rhysand or Mor, but here was Azriel. Her heartbeat quickened as she felt him look at her. She had worn something to showy. She was debating about going to her room to hide, but he already saw, and she was starving. He wasn't saying anything as he stared, the prolonged eye contact getting uncomfortable between them both.
She debated what to say, breaking that silence. She smelled the egg burning, turning quickly, dumping it on a plate before it became inedible. "Hi." She spoke quickly as she pulled the bacon from the oven.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, thinking there was no use in hiding if she saw you.
She was quiet, not sure what exactly to say, other than what she knew physically.
"I feel fine, no pain, no power ripping through me." His eyes furrowed behind her back as he remembered when she had said 'it hurt's', just before she stabbed her hand and let out a sigh of relief. "Sorry, if I knew you were coming, I would have made you some to."
"I appreciate it, but I already ate. Do you remember anything?" He did not plan to converse, not get any closer as Cas and Rhys were trying to do. But- he could not help it, she smelled so good to him, and he only wished to be a little bit closer.
"No, last thing I remember is being in a lot of pain and Rhysand appeared, then I woke up here. Where is he?" He looked down as she windowed from the kitchen to the dining room. She did not even want to pass him.
Azriel sat at the table across from her, happy she at least talked. "He left to below, taking care of the night court. He must show himself ever so often for political reasons, but it mostly takes care of itself." The shadows around him sang in his voice like they listened to him. Mimicked him as they did her. That bit about him put her at ease.
"Sounds like a drag, I never liked politics. I'm tempted to crash the party." She joked as she dipped toast into her one good egg yolk.
"Not a good idea, and you will get me in trouble for doing so." His lips tugged to a smile.
"I'd protect you." Her eyes raised as she smiled and finished off the bacon. Her own shadows had some out and around her, some grazed his.
He felt that uncomfortable feeling fade as he too heard her shadows sing. "Flattering, but a male warrior needing to hide behind others is frowned on."
"All that male bravado." She sang. "It will catch up to you one day." She propped her head on a fist.
"You use shadows to move, like a Shadowsinger. I was fascinated by how far you can move."
Her eyes glowed, rippling in golden light. "I use them for more than that. The piano, turning pages of a book. The world has light and darkness, in between the two are the shadows, they are never fully gone. Shadows hide in every crack, behind the objects that light shines on. They whisper their welcomes as I move through them and sing to me as I manipulate them as I please."
His grin present, he said. "Spoken like a true Shadowsinger. I like having someone like me around, that understands it, why they are a comfort."
Cali looked to the window, she felt she could trust him, like she could tell him anything and he would keep her secrets just like the shadows. " Can I tell you a secret?"
He nodded.
"I've lived many times before. Sometimes I feel I remember too much. All while I wish could not know anything at all just to figure it out like a puzzle. While it has been useful, it takes away from the experience and satisfaction of learning and mastering. I get the staples button with each thought."
"Staples button?" His eyebrow raised as he tilted his head, and she saw. She had said the weird thing, yet again.
"It's a silly thing that when you press it, it says: 'That was easy." She clicked my tongue softly at not him, but the imaginary thing she stared at. "So many lives, so many experiences. Through them all, I have concurred things easily as one life bled to the next."
She turned to him with valor in her eyes. "As Thadius, I commanded and trained armies and I know how to fight well." Her face softened. "Amilia, Darius, and Felix. Ambrosia, Nickolus, and Sophina. I was a Black smith, carpenter, and fisherman, then a scholar, musician, an artist."
Her face turned sour. "One life, I was a princess. I think that one was the worst experience. Yes, Luxury. But they were forcing me to marry a tyrannical old king on his death bed. In each one, I found her, her soul that followed me. I made sure to protect her, love her and be anything she ever needed for I knew what I had done. I do not know why it took me so long to figure it out this time."
"That is many lives. I see it as a good thing." He felt the loss, like she was just out of reach. To not just Rhys and Cas, but to a girl nit even here.
"Perhaps, or it is the punishment of using the cauldron for selfish reasons. Love will make you do things you never thought of, and some of those things have world level consequences."
"What do you mean?"
"It's a very long story, one much older than the rips that formed in this world. I'll wait for that when you all are present, that is, if I get invited to another dinner. I was not mad or angry, I was in pain, the power under my skin threatening to explode and hurt those around me. While to you or anyone else it might have seemed crazy or over the top to stab myself, it helped release some of that power. I left to keep everyone safe. My room, the one here, was… demolished to say the least."
She looked at her golden arms. "I suppose that mountain is concurred, this body was changed again. The lines of gold, they thrum, flowing and connecting to the center. Instead of it feeling like it wants to rip away from me, it flows like a river." She let glowing tendrils flow out and form a pixelated river that flowed and fell off, slashing the table and dissipating.
She closed her hand, ending that scene as she put a hand over the crystal gem and pearls. "I feel stable. I owe Rhysand an apology, I called for him, and he did not hesitate to come. He was there for me. He really did care, enough to help me, and that counts for something."
He was retreating to the shadows, making more distance from her. "He should be back in a few hours; you can wait here with me in the meantime."
She closed her eyes, humming, then words sang out in a siren song, Azreal listening closely. "It was far across the land, where a lady got ahold of me. Captured in her eyes, they wouldn't set me free." She tapped the medium paced beat, humming as she nodded her head. "Then she took me by surprise, telling me, it's a paradise. Showing me a world anew. One I never knew."
She stood with that soft smile of hers, and he knew he would never be able to make her feel like that. As she thought of Anastasia, she cleaned the table off. If she were here, she would feel her, but she was not. She had known for a while, but she did not want to lose hope that she might come back, then maybe she was just a little to far away to reach.
She took the dishes to the kitchen to clean. "It's hard, not being able to feel her. It means one of two things. She is in Valhalla, or she is still in that other world we escaped to. Getting back to her would be nearly impossible without ripping worlds apart in the process. There is option three, that I am too weak to feel her a crossed the world."
"Where is Valhalla?"
"Valhalla." She sighed softly as he propped her chin on her hand, staring over the counter. "The immortal land of milk and honey, my domain. It means land of peace in my tongue. A soul's resting place before they are reborn again. Seems it has been forgotten with my language dead to all but me. No soul ever lives there indefinitely, but they are given time to heal before rebirth." I looked to him. "Like you, you feel so familiar, like I knew you before. Your soul is very old, I can tell by the number of faded names you have, that you have lived at least four separate times."
As she was, she could see him for who he was as he saw her skin and her past. She could see the untapped potential he had, the restrictions his soul had due to his body. If he were forged a new, but she was not about to make anything new, or forge for that matter.
"You're saying I have lived before?"
"Yes, but not all souls are old like yours. You must have had many purposes to fulfil. Some are chosen for what they could offer, others choose to come back. You have power in your soul. I can see why it has lived several times."
"Is there a way to see those lives?"
"Accessing those memories can be painful or alter who you are now. It is best to leave them alone. Even I changed knowing what I know now. It is different for everyone." He nodded, but now he knew, and he was curious of them. "I will say that soul of yours has golden thread around it. It is not common." She tapped her chin. "My memories are still coming back, so I don't know what it means. I think I seen them in Cassian too, when he came by with the knife."
Her lips pulled to the side, she felt Azriel was giving her a chance at redemption. Now she was sure they all knew. They were members of the inner circle, they probably shared almost everything that happened between them. Like the five best friends of the century. More friends than she hoped to have again.