Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Girls und Panzer.
Chapter 2: Suicide
After Yukari had warned everyone about Miho's disappearance everybody was looking for her. They wanted to check the whole ship, but they knew Miho most likely went to a familiar place. So firstly they checked the school, the forest, the training field and the streets.
''Did you find anything?" Asked Yukari while she was running on the street.
''It is Erwin we checked the training field and found nothing." Said Erwin who was the Hippo's team commander.
''We checked the school, but nothing is here either." Said Momo who checked the school with her team and the Rabbit team.
''The garage and the workshop are empty, she didn't come here either." Said Nakajima Rera who was the commander of the Leopon team. She and her team checked the garage.
''This is Noriko, we checked the forest but nothing. Where did she go?" Said Isobe Noriko who was the commander of the Duck team. She and her team checked the forest. Everybody else were on the streets and looked for Miho. They even sent out a so called S.O.S. to every student to warn them if they saw Miho anywhere. Unfortunately reply didn't come, but when Yukari reached the edge of the ship she saw the person she was looking for. Miho was at the edge of the ship where wasn't railing. She was wearing a white dress and white shoes. When Yukari went a little closer she saw she was crying and her eyes were lifeless, like when somebody just gave up the fight.
''Girls I found her. We are at the edge of the ship, west side somewhere in the middle of the ship. She most likely wants to jump, I try to speak with her but somebody warn the teachers, the captain or somebody who can help us." Said Yukari with a very low voice because she didn't want Miho to hear her.
''Got it." Said Anzu and she immediately pulled out her phone. While she did that Yukari went a little closer to Miho.
''Miho?" Said Yukari and suddenly Miho snapped out of her trance.
''Yukari-chan? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home?" Asked Miho with a terrified voice, because she didn't want anybody to see her ending her life.
''I just was on the way to your apartment. My Mom cooked some curry for us. I thought we could eat it together, but you weren't home." Said Yukari and now Miho realized why she was here.
''Then you saw my letter, right?" Asked Miho and Yukari nodded.
''Miho I can't even imagine what you are going through, but please don't do this. You are not alone, we are here for you, let us help you." Said Yukari but Miho only smiled sadly at her then shaked her head.
''I am sorry Yukari-chan, but I would be only trouble for you. I shamed my family and caused them so much trouble. And because of that I was banished." Said Miho.
''You know this is not true. You are not trouble at all. And your Mother is wrong. She just can't see how strong and skillful you are because she only knows her old fashioned style of fighting." Said Yukari but Miho was not convinced.
''Even now I only cause you trouble. The others are looking for me too right?" Asked Miho but Yukari stayed silent, but her silence said everything.
''See I only cause trouble. Everything would be better if I just disappeared. My family's name become clean again and you don't have to come to my house to help me." Said Miho and she stepped a little closer to the edge of the ship.
''Miho you know what you are saying is not true. You are hurted and you are in pain. You want to find a way to stop this pain. You think it will solve anything if you die? You will only cause more pain, but not for yourself, but for us." Said Yukari and Miho stopped at the edge of the ship. One more step and she would fall in the ocean.
''What your Mother did is unforgivable, but this is not good reason to throw away everything you have earned. We can help you, please believe me." Said Yukari and Miho turned back at her. Miho was crying like never before.
''How do I know what you said is true. Right now I am not sure what is good or not." Said Miho then she collapsed on her knees and cried even more. Yukari went a little closer kneeled before her then hugged her. It gave Miho a very warm feeling, which she didn't feel for years.
''You can trust us, we will never abandon you." Said Yukari and now Miho hugged Yukari too and cried even more. She realized she did something stupid.
''I am sorry, I am sorry." Said Miho without a stop.
''It is alright we are here and help you with everything." Said Yukari and she hugged her a little more until Miho fell asleep. A few minutes later the other girls arrived with a few teachers, the captain of the ship and a few crew members. Yukari told them she managed to convince Miho to not kill herself. When the others heard that everybody sighed because of the relief that Miho is still alive. After this Yukari took home Miho and stayed with her to show her she wasn't alone. She called her parents before this so they didn't worry. The next morning it was Miho who woke up first and she saw Yukari was with her. It gave her smile that she wasn't really alone, her friends are still with her. She got up and took a shower then prepared some breakfast. While she was in the kitchen Yukari woke up too and saw Miho was cooking.
''Good morning Yukari-chan. How did you sleep?" Asked Miho and Yukari was a little confused.
''Good morning Miho. Are you okay?" Asked Yukari and Miho smiled at her.
''I am fine. Come I prepared some breakfast." Said Miho then she placed the meal in front of Yukari. It was toast with some eggs. Both of them ate in silence then Yukari put on her uniform and she was surprised that Miho put on her own too.
''Are you coming to school Miho?" Asked Yukari with a confused face.
''Of course, it is Wednesday and I skipped a lot of classes. I have to continue my studies." Said Miho with a smile and Yukari nodded. But Miho's smile was strange. It was forced a little. They walked in total silence to school and on the way they met a lot of other girls who went to the school. They were surprised but all of them said good morning to them moreover they bowed a little to Miho. Miho was confused because of this.
''Why were they bowing to me?" Asked a confused Miho from Yukari. Yukari only smiled then said.
''Everybody knows if you didn't join the school's Senshadou team, they wouldn't come to this school anymore. All of them are gratefull for your efforts." Said Yukari with a smile on her face.
''But it wasn't just me. All of us worked together. It was the team's effort that we won." Said Miho who thought she didn't deserve all the attention.
''That maybe true, but remember, without your ideas and strategies we couldn't even win our first match. So you can be proud. You are the Star of the School." Said Yukari with a smile and Miho face turned blood red, because of the embarrassment. After a few more minutes of walking they reached the gate of the school. At the gate Sono Midoriko a.k.a. Sodoko checked the uniforms of the students with her two teammates, Gotou Moyoko and Konparu Nozomi. Sodoko saw them and called out to them.
''Akiyama-san, Miho-san good morning." Said Sodoko with her old, stern voice.
''Good morning Sodoko." Said Miho and Yukari at the same time. But Sodoko looked at them with an angry face.
''Don't call me that. Anyway it is good to see you again Miho-san. You can go ahead. But you stay here for a minute Akiyama-san." Said Sodoko and the girls looked at her with confused faces.
''Is there something wrong?" Asked Yukari who didn't understand why she had to stay behind.
''I just want to check your bag that you didn't bring anything that is forbidden in our school. Miho-san you can leave, class will start shortly." Said Sodoko and Miho said goodbye to her friends and hurried to the classroom. Yukari took off her bag to show them its contents. However Sodoko was more curious about Miho.
''Why is Miho-san here? She should be at home and rest, after what happened yesterday." Said Sodoko and now Yukari understood Sodoko's reason why she had to stay behind.
''When I woke up she was already making breakfast. Then she said she wanted to come to school because she missed a lot of classes. I didn't have the heart to stop her, but maybe it is for the best. She can heal faster if her friends are around her and she isn't in her dark room." Said Yukari with determination. But Sodoko saw that even Yukari had some doubt about what she said. At the end Sodoko sighed.
''Very well. She can stay, but keep an eye on her. I will report this to the president and the principal." Said Sodoko and Yukari nodded then hurried to class. However Sodoko suddenly shouted after Yukari.
''AND DON'T CALL ME SODOKO!" Shouted Sodoko.
For the next few weeks nothing particular happened. Miho started to go to school again and her health become better. Her skin and hair weren't dry and regained their original colour. She regained the lost calories. However she didn't take part any training with her Senshadou team. They thought it was better for her to avoid it for the time being. One day when she was about to leave the school Momo called her to the student council office. When she stepped in there were 2 people. One of them was Anzu the student council president, but Miho didn't know the other one. It was a woman with long black hair, she was a little taller than her and she wore a brown woman suit with black shoes. She stood up and introduced herself when she saw Miho stepped in the room.
''Hi, my name is Doctor Komori Akiko. It is a pleasure to meet you." Said Akiko with a smile on her face.
''Good afternon, my name is Nishi…my name is Miho." Said Miho who wanted introduce herself with her family name, but then she remembered she can't use that anymore. Akiko saw this but didn't say a word. She knew about Miho's situation and she didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Before she could say anything, Miho started to speak.
''Why am I here?" Asked Miho who was confused. Before Akiko could answer Anzu had answered to this question.
''A few weeks have passed since you started going to school again and more than a month has passed since that 'day'. But you didn't talk about anybody about it. So I asked Komori-san here to help you." Said Anzu.
''I am happy that you look after me Anzu-san, but I am alright. I don't need any therapy." Said Miho with a smile on her face. But even a blind man could see it was a forced smile. Anzu wanted to say something, but Akiko was faster this time.
''Kadotani-san, I would like to talk with Miho-san between 4 eyes. Can I ask you to leave the room for a few minutes." Said Akiko and Anzu nodded then left the room.
''Please sit down Miho-san." Said Akiko and Miho sat down on the couch.
''I am a professional psychiatrist and everything stays between us. Even if Kadotani-san tried to threaten me I would never say a word about what you told me." Said Akiko and Miho nodded.
''I know what happened to you and it is terrible. Your Mother didn't have the right to do this to you. You can't change the past but you still can live a full life." Said Akiko and Miho nodded.
''That is why I came back to school. I want to continue my studies and live a quiet life." Said Miho and this time Akiko nodded.
''That's great. This shows that you don't give up, but you still have to let go what holds you back." Said Akiko and Miho looked at her with a confused face. Akiko saw she was confused so she tried to explain.
''I know you tried to commit suicide." Said Akiko and Miho started to look at the ground to hide her shame.
''It is alright. You were confused and in pain. You just wanted to find a way to get rid of those terrible emotions. You didn't have anyone to talk about seriously these emotions and situation. That is why I am here." Said Akiko and for a moment Miho became hopeful.
''You know how I can get rid off this pain?" Asked Miho with a joyful and hopeful smile. Unfortunately Akiko shaked her head.
''You can get rid off them, but you can learn to live with them." Said Akiko and Miho became sad because of this answer. A few moments later she started to cry.
''Look Miho, I think by now you realized your Mother won't take you back in. She erased your name from the family register. Right now you are just Miho. But that doesn't mean you can't take advantage of this situation." Said Akiko and Miho looked back at her with a blood red face. Her eyes were full of tears.
''What advantage I could take? I have nothing left. My Mother threw me out like some garbage. My sister didn't even try to protect me. She just watched like last time." Shouted Miho. Akiko somehow was happy because all the anger, she bottled up, was released. At least a part of it.
''You still have your friends, who support you. And there still one more thing you have." Said Akiko with a smile.
''You have the chance to break your chains." Said Akiko and Miho looked at her with a confused face again.
''Ever since you were born your Mother prepared you to become a champion in Senshadou. I believe she never asked you what you wanted to do in the future. Am I right?" Said Akiko and Miho started to think. And a few moments later she realised she was right. All her life it was always about tanks and Senshadou. She didn't even ask herself if she wanted to do this all her life.
''You can continue doing Senshadou, I will not stop you. But you can find a new dream. You can be a doctor, a lawyer, even a mechanic. The most important thing is that don't let your past chain you." Said Akiko then pulled out a piece of paper from her bag. It was document about name changing. It was made by her Mother.
''It arrived today and Kadotani-san thought it was better I gave it to you." Said Akiko and Miho looked at it. It was mostly finished. There was only one place that wasn't filled that was what she wanted to change her name. While she looked at the paper, outside Anzu and Momo started to become restless.
''When will they finish? I left my sweet potatoes inside and I am hungry." Said Anzu with a worried face.
''I know you are worried about her, but you don't have hide it with excuses. They will finish it shortly." Said Momo who was worried too but didn't show it.
''Anyway where did you find this psychiatrist?" Asked Momo who was curious about this doctor.
''It happened suddenly. Why I was looking for somebody for Miho-chan I received a phone call. This Komori-san called me. She said she heard about Miho-chan and she wanted to meet her, because she was writing some research about teenage depression or whatever. I looked into her and she was a genuine psychiatrist so I called her here to help Miho-chan." Said Anzu but Momo didn't understand one thing.
''How did she hear about Miho-san?" Asked Momo from Anzu.
''She said she heard some rumours from other schools. I don't know how much is true from any of that but I think we can trust her. She really wants to help her and that is enough for me." Said Anzu and Momo nodded, but wasn't convinced completely. A few minutes later both Miho and Akiko came out to show something to the student council president.
''Well, how did it go?" Asked Anzu who couldn't wait for the good news.
''Miho-san and I agreed that she will visit me once every week for therapy." Said Akiko with a smile on her face. Anzu and Momo nodded. They didn't show it but they were really happy because now Miho would receive the necessary help, which she really needed.
''Moreover Miho-san wants to show you something." Said Akiko then looked at Miho with a smile then nodded to her to show it. Miho nodded back then she showed the paper with her new name. Anzu and Momo read it.
''I think it is perfect." Said Anzu with a smile on her face. Momo nodded next to her.
''I can't agree more." Said Momo with a smile.
''Well it is a little weird to say this because you are a student of this school for a time now, but I welcome you KAIHOU MIHO."
Hey everyone. I know I disappeared without any warning, but my studies took a lot out of me and I didn't have any time to write. But now I have more free time and I will continue my stories. Kaihou means liberation or release.
Rate and tell me what you think.
Thanks for reading!
See you later!