Chapter 46
Tommy
Carpathia
April 17, 1912

Tommy had done his best to wait for the wife the doctor had told him about when he finally woke, but he had trouble keeping his eyes open. He almost wished he was fully unconscious again, as now he could only concentrate on the pain in his leg and his head. The harsh light and chatter from the second class dining room made it feel like someone was continuously slamming a hammer into his skull. He had finally managed to fall asleep in the late afternoon and woke up the following morning, confused.

His stomach growled loudly as the blonde stewardess placed a tray of oatmeal and tea before him. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Tommy barely looked up as he scarfed down the food. "My head still hurts."

The stewardess nodded, offering him a glass of water. "It may take a few weeks for that to go away."

"And my leg?" Tommy said, sitting the bowl down noisily as he finished eating.

The stewardess eyed his legs which were hidden underneath the sheets of his cot. "You'll be able to walk, that's certain."

Tommy pursed his lips at her words. He had to remember she was a stewardess, not a nurse, as she was too afraid to give him a direct answer. He'd have to ask the doctor later when he was on his rounds.

"And my wife?" he said, unable to hide the shaking in his voice. "When can I see her?"

The stewardess glanced over his head. "It looks as if she's here now."

Tommy whipped around to get a look at the entrance to the dining saloon. There was a young woman with dark hair and dark eyes looking at him. She wore a plain black dress and was carrying a baby in her arms. When they caught each other's gaze, a tearful smile broke across her face.

Nellie.

It all came rushing back. She was the one who had gotten him through the health inspection in Queenstown, his card games with her stepson, the night they had slept together before the ship struck an iceberg.

Color rose to his cheeks as he thought of her in his bunk. And now seeing her here, alive, albeit more weary than the last memory he had of her in the lifeboat, filled him with such joy that he almost began to cry. He had been filled with such anger and sadness for so long, but the night Nellie slept in his bed was different than all the other women before her. Nellie was not the type of person to give herself to just anyone, especially after her interactions with Cal Hockley. She was caring, selfless, and moreso a compassionate person. She had let him open up to her, slowly, and now that she was here, he wasn't going to let her out of his sight again.

She rushed to his bedside, cradling her baby with one arm and pulling him close with the other. He leaned his head into the nape of her neck, sighing contentedly as he breathed in her scent. She smelled of soap and lavender, the sea having long been washed from her body.

"I'm so relieved you're awake," she said, sitting on the chair beside his cot. "How are you feeling?"

Tommy continued to fight back his tears of joy. "I've been better. But things are looking up now that you're here."

She smiled at this. "I'm sorry about calling myself your wife. They wouldn't tell me what was wrong with you unless I claimed to be family–"

Tommy laughed. "I thought I must have been suffering from memory loss from this concussion. When they told me I had a wife, I panicked because I couldn't remember I had been married in the first place."

Nellie quickly rustled through her skirts with her free hand. "Here," she said, placing something in his open palm. "I don't trust myself to hold onto this any longer."

It was his grandfather's watch. Relief washed over him. How could he have forgotten about giving this to her? He had remembered feeling so cold, yet warm, and so at peace that he knew death must be near.

"Have you seen anything of Jock?" Nellie asked, her dark eyes searching.

Tommy shook his head slowly. "I've barely seen anyone since I've woken up."

Nellie nodded sadly. Isla began to cry and she quickly took a nearby blanket, throwing it haphazardly over her shoulder, before unbuttoning the front of her dress and beginning to nurse.

"You don't have to cover up for me," Tommy said in a low voice as Nellie pulled the blanket over her front to hide what she was doing.

"I know you don't mind," Nellie said, her voice slightly teasing. "But the others around us might."

Tommy studied her carefully as she stroked her baby's head. Her hair was coming loose from its knot, loose waves hanging around her face. Her eyes had dark circles underneath and were bloodshot, as if she'd been crying.

"Where's Callen?" he asked.

The smile faded from her lips. "On deck. He's still convinced Jock is on board but just hasn't turned up yet."

Tommy thought of Nellie's younger brother. He remembered how they had passed him playing with the rest of the band on deck as the ship was sinking. Tommy could tell during the short conversation Jock had with Nellie that he was saying goodbye, despite no hint of sorrow on his face at the time.

"You never know," Tommy said, trying to choose his words carefully. "What if he's been hurt and he's hidden away in a room somewhere on this ship?"

"Don't," Nellie said, her eyes swimming with tears. "We all know Jock was left behind when this ship set sail. My only prayer now is that we will be able to bring his body home to rest."

Tommy remained silent for a long time as he watched tears roll down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Nellie."

Her eyes remained fixed on her daughter as she nursed. "I haven't even telegrammed home to let my father and siblings know what's happened.

Tommy thought of his cousin in Boston. He wondered if they had heard the news and had presumed him dead.

"Won't you tell them?"

Nellie continued to stare at Isla, switching sides as she nursed. "I need to. But I'm selfish. I want my father to worry. I owe him nothing."

Tommy sat up straighter in bed. "But about your brother and sisters? Don't they deserve to know what's happened?"

The tears continued to fall down Nellie's face. "They do, but they're in my father's care. And I know what's going to happen when my father gets the news. My father and stepmother will be disappointed to know it was me who survived while Jock perished."

Her dark eyes finally locked with his. On the surface, she looked angry, but he could see the sorrow beneath her words.

"Your siblings will be overjoyed to know you survived," he said.

She nodded after a moment. "Yes. Just like I've done my entire life, I must look out for them."

Another silence lingered between them. Nellie finished nursing, buttoning up her dress and sitting Isla back on her lap who was happily cooing. Tommy wanted nothing more than to take Nellie in his arms and let her have a good cry. He felt her pain, knowing full well what it was like losing a brother you loved.

"What will you do when we reach New York?" he asked. They were due to dock in just a couple of days and still no one knew what was to become of the hundreds of displaced passengers Carpathia would be bringing.

Nellie shrugged. "I heard some rumors The White Star Line will provide complimentary passage back to Southampton. But I also heard the Americans will hold an inquiry to find out what happened."

Tommy scoffed. "That'll be just for the crew and first class that made it out alive. They won't bother asking anyone in second or third class to testify."

Anger filled her eyes. "I hope they do!" she nearly shouted, causing a handful of people to turn and look towards them. "Everyone should know how many didn't have a fighting chance because they were locked below!"

He sat up even further in bed. "Will you really go back to Scotland after everything you've just told me? Why not start a new life in America?"

Her anger quickly dissipated. "A part of me wants to. But I also feel obligated to Callen. He has some cousins of his father in Dumfries. How can I possibly take him away from his only family?"

Tommy remained silent at this. "Well, promise you'll write," Tommy said weakly. He still wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms, but he had a growing desire to kiss her right here and now in front of all these people and beg her to come with him to Boston. But Nellie's life seemed to be more complicated than his. She had two children to care for and a family back home.

Nellie pulled Isla up to her shoulder, rubbing the baby's back as she continued to happily coo. "Of course I will," she said. "You know Callen will too. He'll be devastated to know you're going to stay in America."

Tommy had to stop himself from speaking, as he felt more tears forming in his own eyes. Nellie locked her gaze with his, the small smile on her lips decorated with sorrow and longing.

He was going to have to make the most of these last few days together.

Trying to keep these updates coming! I'm almost done writing the story so trying to stay motivating to keep typing up these earlier chapters! Please review, I'd love to know what you all think so far!