Chapter 63, Time For A Break
Severus was disappointed when, for several weeks, the Gryffindor Gang Of Gits gave him no trouble! It was as if they were distracted with something, which made him itch to take up the Legilimency struggle once more. There were O.W.L.s to prepare for, though so he did not dare.
He wasn't about to allow his grades to suffer because of them, after all. After finally mastering his beautiful new cutting curse, though, he'd hoped to teach them a thing or two right off, and having them just leaving him alone was not allowing that to happen.
Sirius wasn't paying any mind to Regulus either. Instead, their little gang stuck close together and kept their heads down as it were. Severus just knew something was going on that he and Regulus could totally use against the gits if they could only find out what it was. It was frustrating, but he forced himself to ignore them for as long as they ignored him. They would crack eventually, and he could then unleash Sectumsempra. He was eager to see the proper respect and fear on their faces, but resigned himself to the fact that he was not going to witness it right away. Studying was annoyingly difficult, however, for he kept having intrusive thoughts of the Gits, wondering precisely what they were up to.
He knew whatever it was, it had to be horrid, because they were them. Something horrid was certain to get them into heaps of trouble if only he could discover their secret and turn them in to Dumbledore! One Thursday after classes were over, he gave up on studying, at least without some help. He knew that he had to visit Slughorn and ask if he could use the potions class room to make a Draught Of Sharp-Mind, a concentration potion.
This would help him to fend off the intrusive thoughts when it came to the Gryffindor Gang of Gits and their dubious doings so that he could actually focus his mind on studying. Surprisingly, Slughorn agreed readily to his request without asking any questions. Severus mixed up a few large potion bottles of Sharp-Mind that he knew would last him until the end of the school year. A cap full of potion was all one needed for hours of focus, so a single bottle went a long way. Studying was much easier and wandering thoughts of the Gits far fewer. For several weeks, the smooth routine of classes and after school study was uninterrupted. When at last a distraction did come, it was a pleasant one. Raislen invited Severus to his for spring break over breakfast two Wednesdays after Severus set himself up with the concentration potion.
"Want to come to mine for Spring Break, Kid?"
"Would I ever," Severus said eagerly, mind already on his beautiful library and how wonderful it would be to immerse himself within it once again.
"He's thinking about my library," Raislen said dryly, before giving an amused chuckle. "He's got that dreamy love light in his eyes. The one he only has for my library. The same one other blokes have for girls." Regulus snickered, and Severus did not mind in the slightest. "I'd invite you too, but I figured you'd want to spend time with Kreacher," Raislen continued, addressing Regulus.
Regulus nodded. "Yes. Especially now that Sirius is gone, being at home shall be quite pleasant. Kreacher and I always help Mum with the Easter brunch she throws for all the relatives, and it can be quite fun." Severus did not miss the dubious expression on Heather's face, but she remained silent. He assumed that to mean she and Raislen would not be throwing Easter brunches when they got married.
"I shall write Mum as soon as I've finished eating," Severus told Raislen excitedly. Spring Break wasn't for nearly a month, but the sooner things were in place, the better. "Is Heather coming as well?"
Raislen laughed. "Oh no way. My parents would not consider that proper even if we are engaged now. A new years party sleep over is one thing, but a week for Spring Break is another."
"We have plenty of time after we graduate to be together,"Heather said. "We plan to take a vacation to Greece, then begin planning the wedding."
"Already?" Severus asked.
"It keeps both Mums happy," Heather replied with a shrug. Besides, the sooner Raislen and I can set up our own home, the better. I feel so... in between after the engagement, and I don't particularly like it."
"That's a good word for it," Raislen said, nodding. "In between." I'll come along to the Owlery with you, Kid. I know my parents will say yes, but they'll want me to ask them anyway.
It was on the walk to the Owlery that Severus realized he would enjoy the time alone with Raislen. The two were rarely without Regulus or Heather. It wasn't that he minded the others about at all, but things were changing so fast. Soon Raislen would be married. Though Severus was glad that it was Heather Toy, things would still never be the same.
He loved Heather like a sister and Raislen marrying anyone else would just be weird at best. He couldn't imagine anyone else in their group not feeling like an intruder. It was simply that marriage changed everything. Even if Heather and Raislen did not seem to believe so, Severus knew better. Soon they would be married and a few years down the road Severus would probably become a Death Eater which would change things even more in ways he could not imagine and did not wish to try. "We're going to have such a blast, Kid," Raislen said happily, and Severus nodded.
"You know, I still can hardly believe she said yes," he continued. "It feels natural that she did, and it felt natural to ask, But on the other hand, I am still sort of expecting to get punched in the stomach for my trouble." Raislen laughed. Severus nodded again. Though it had not surprised him that Heather and Raislen were getting married, her punching him for asking would not have surprised him either."It's so odd thinking of being all grown up soon. Even having kids of our own some day," Raislen concluded. The sidelong look he flashed Severus was full of stark terror. It was raw and real. It shook Severus slightly to see it on the older boy's face. It made him want to say something reassuring.
"Well I shall never have children, so at least something won't change." Was that what he had truly intended to say? Was that even comforting? To his relief, Raislen laughed.
"You never know, Kid." Severus was certain that he knew, but he chose not to comment. "I'm glad that you will be the same through all these changes, though," Raislen said. "Don't get me wrong, they are welcome changes, but I read somewhere once that any change is stress. I never understood how until now when everything is about to change, none of it is bad, and yet I am terrified for no other reason than I have realized that this place, this life was my security blanket. Hell all of our security blankets. I know you're sad that we will be leaving, and that things are changing for you too, but after you're finished here, things shall change even more." He knew that well. Sighing, Severus nodded again. Though those future changes would not be nearly as pleasant as Raislen's would be, he needed them to heal. He needed to go through the ark of dealing with Voldemort to reach the light of vindication and perhaps healing for what had happened to his father and consequently his childhood as a result.
"Hell I worry about leaving you here though I shouldn't, because I know that you can take care of yourself and you'll have Regulus. Still it shall pass before you know it." Perhaps it would, and perhaps the next two years would drag by on heavy feet because time did not fly when one was not having fun.
"I just find it difficult to believe that I shall have nearly as much fun with only Regulus." Not to mention that he would likely have to begin his venture into networking with would be Death Eaters with Regulus's help. Though necessary, he knew that he would not enjoy the process. The more he contemplated it, the more certain Severus was that the next two years would be sorely lacking in fun.
"You and Regulus will figure something out to make the time pass pleasantly, and Heather and I will help by finding amazing books to send along to you from our travels. You didn't think we would forget about you, did you, Kid?" As they reached the Owlery, Raislen clapped him jovially on the shoulder and Severus forced a smile, because of course he knew Raislen and Heather would never forget him.
"I know you won't forget, but it still shan't be the same without you." He pushed out the words through a heavy lump in his throat. Knowing this time would come some day had felt so unreal until this year.
"I know it won't," Raislen agreed. "But this too shall pass, and in two more years, you'll be free to have fun with us again. We shall travel to amazing places and root out some brilliant discoveries. Why Heather and I have two years to plan precisely where we can go that you'll enjoy the most."
"You'd do that for me?"
"Of course. And one day you shall pay me back by babysitting my kid," Raislen said cheerfully.
Severus laughed, shaking his head incredulously. "I am the last person you want doing that. I am so not a child person. "He shuddered at the idea of sticky baby hands leaving prints on his books or even his clothes. Then he shuddered again at the idea of wet baby hands touching his face or hair after having been deep in said baby's own mouth. Nasty!
Raislen laughed. "Oh fine, then. Never mind. You look positively ill. Perhaps you can beg your mum to help when my and Heather's parents are tired of helping on those days that all three of us want to go out."
Severus grinned. "Oddly enough my mum enjoys children, so perhaps she would at that. Then neither I nor your child shall be scarred for life."
"Oh gods, it wouldn't be that bad," Raislen said. He was still snickering to himself, surely about the idea of how Severus would handle a screaming baby, as he hastily scribbled a letter to his parents. For his part, Severus tried very hard not to think about screaming babies when he wrote his mum to ask permission to go to Raislen's for spring break.
He reminded her that this was Raislen and Heather's last year at Hogwarts so that if Grandfather Prince made objections, she would hopefully have the incentive to push harder against them. He knew that this wasn't the last time he could visit with Raislen, but it was the last time as fellow students, and somehow that mattered. With their letters sent off, they parted ways to head to their respective classes. Both had replies from their parents dropped off by owls at breakfast the next morning.
"She said yes!" Severus practically shouted.
"Mine too, but that was expected," Raislen replied around a mouthful of eggs. "We're going to have a grand old time."
"Congratulations, Severus," Regulus said with a sincere smile. "I'm glad you shall have some time away from that dreadful grandfather of yours! For once, I am excited to go home without being at all conflicted! I'm always eager to see Kreacher and the parents, but Sirius was ever like the smelly shadow of doom hanging over everything to ruin it all. He won't be there now, though, so it shall be a perfect spring holiday!"
"I shall keep busy making travel plans so that my Mum isn't making wedding plans far too soon," Heather said, making a face.
"But you're eager to travel, so what is the problem," Severus asked, confused.
Heather sighed. "Well I have to make the plans without Raislen, so there's the added stress of will he like everything I arrange, or complain about it later because he wasn't there to include anything."
"We could meet up one day for lunch or something," Raislen suggested. "Then we can go over it all together. After we eat, we could go book shopping with the kid in Knockturn too."
"That sounds fun," Heather said. "Especially as now we can Apparate, so we don't need the parents to be able to help." She chuckled. "It sounds silly, but sometimes I nearly forget that we can do that on our own now," she told Raislen.
He nodded. "Well it only stands to reason. We haven't been able to Apparate for far longer than we have been able to. Not to mention that we can't while here at Hogwarts. We've only been able to do it for less than a year, and hardly able to use the skill during that year."
"You're always good at making people feel better about any imagined short-comings," Severus said appreciatively. He recalled the way Raislen had made him feel less inept by pointing out that he had far more rage than Regulus when having trouble mastering his beautiful new cutting curse. Raislen had simply spoken the truth, but he had used that truth in a way that made Severus feel reasonable about his own failings. It was a skill to be appreciated. It was such acts of friendship from Raislen and Heather that made Severus quite certain that he'd always do anything for them.
As the time for spring break grew closer, Severus found that he needed to double down on his Sharp-Mind potion. Rather than thinking of the Gryffindor Gang of Gits, his imagination wandered too frequently to the library that ruled his heart. It called to him and he could not wait to lose himself among its stacks of books when not enjoying himself with Raislen. More than once a day, as Spring Break approached, he found himself day-dreaming about walking into the library. In these day-dreams he was alone so that he would not be distracted with conversation.
The warm familiar towering walls of books embraced him with their very essence, greeting him like a long lost friend. As it always did, the very wood of the floor hummed with power under his eager feet. When these day-dreams grew too distracting, he took another cap full of Sharp-Mind potion, and concentration returned, allowing his mind to focus once again on his studies. When at last the time came, and he and his friends were on the train home, it felt like quite the novelty due to all the anticipation.
"Thanks again for inviting me," he told Raislen as the train pulled away from Hogsmeade Station.
"Thanks for coming, Kid. It's always so much fun having you over. I mean I can get lost in the books like anyone else, but sometimes it grows lonely, and even boring," Raislen readily confessed.
Severus found it impossible to imagine being lonely or bored in that library. He was tactful enough not to comment, though, because it felt as if it may ruin the moment.
"Yeah, you're the little brother we never realized we needed until we got you," Heather agreed with a chuckle.
"Well that works for you lot, but I'm more than pleased to be an only child at last," Regulus said happily.
"I bet you are," Heather said. "I really am happy for you, Regulus. You deserve to be the heir. I am so gleeful that Sirius screwed himself over so royally.
"It was only a matter of time," Raislen said. "Those gits have no self-control and that sort of thing filters into all areas of life."
Heather cackled. "With those words of wisdom in mind, I can't wait to see what a muck they make out of their adult lives after they graduate! I'm voting for homeless or in Azkaban."
"Or dead," Severus added hopefully.
"Any and all are possible and even likely," Raislen said.
"Happy times," Regulus laughed. "They shall be themselves, ruining their lives, while we are being ourselves, succeeding!"
"And that's what winning is truly about," Raislen said. "Succeeding while your enemies fail."
Severus nodded. He was picturing Voldemort's failure at the hands of his own success as he helped to bring him down.
"You look so happy," Regulus said with a chuckle.
Indeed Severus was very happy. He was going away for a glorious week at Raislen's, and feeling that anything was possible. The current uplifting conversation had him flying high on the promise of the future failure of their enemies as well as their own future glories. He smiled back at Regulus. "I really am."