WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE FORTY SECOND EDITION OF MY KICK-ASS STORY. KNOWN BY MANY AS: THE BATTLE CATS: X! THE EYE SMACKING STORY BASED OFF OF THE HIT MOBILE GAME, THE BATTLE CATS! I HOPE YOU ENJOY WHAT I HAVE TO SHOW YOU.
The Battle Act find themselves in Mexico as they are preparing to take down all the enemies as they are preparing for an epic throw down over in the Battlefield to obtain the Cactus treasure variants. They are either working out, or resting their bodies to prepare themselves to take down their competition. Bob is lifting a gigantic rock over his head. Cat is drinking some iced water as he looks up at the sky. Tank Cat is basking in the mild temperature as he rests on the grass. Axe Cat is slicing down planks of wood as he thrusts his axe. Gross Cat is doing pull ups against a tree. Cow Cat speedily does sit ups as he soaks in the winter sun. Bird Cat is reading a book all about fighting and how to pull it off. Fish Cat is lifting some homemade weights with his mouth. Lizard Cat is taking a nap in the shade. Titan Cat is doing some curls with some homemade dumbbells. And Bean Cats are wrestling one another.
Bob: he groans as he struggles to lift the weight over his head Say, what are you guys currently up to? he smirks as he throws the rock down
Bird Cat: Oh, I am not doing much, I am simply taking a descant break from the fighting world with a book all about it! I am learning loads about the world of combat.
Bob: Damn, that sounds impressive. I'll hand it to you, Bird Cat, you impress me sometimes with what you're reading.
Bird Cat: he blushes as he scoffs Oh, come on now, Bob, I am only doing my best that I could do. We don't want anything silly or absurd to occur once we debut our offense, now, do we?
Cow Cat: That's just his way of saying, he's smart at everything, except fighting. He's a know it all, and doesn't want to ruin his image by admitting he doesn't know something. he scoffs as he continues his sit ups in peace
Bird Cat: Don't you DARE assume such absurd things about me! What did I do that dared you to speak such nonsensical tomfoolery!?
Cow Cat: Do you know the last two words? Yeah, exactly that. Your silly "advanced" grammar.
Bob: What the hell is going on...? Did I cause a whole divide or what? Ou talvez eu tenha começado uma guerra! (Or perhaps I started a war!)
Cat: Relax! You didn't start a war or anything... he smirks as he nudges him Also, how the hell did I understand what you just said?
Bob: It's because I've been around you for exactly six weeks! he flicks his toothpick as he grins Of course it is going to do funny shit to your noggin.
Cat: Perhaps I'm learning off some Portuguese off you! Now, can someone teach Bob some Japanese here?
Tank Cat: OOH OOH! I'll have a go! Guess what I'm saying here... ボブ、あなたは本当に素晴らしい人です ！(Bobu, anata wa hontōni subarashī hitodesu!) (Bob, you are a really cool person!)
Bob: Yeah... apart from the name, I am not ringing any bells whatsoever, buddy. he smirks as he rummages his hand through his head, to which Tank Cat nuzzles into the petting
Cat: Well, we're in Mexico at the moment, so all you really need is that Spanish of yours. he giggles as he presses himself onto Bob
Axe Cat: Oh damn! We're going to be meeting up with the cartel most likely! he cackles away There's a lot of them in Mexico, how do I know? I JUST FUCKING KNOW!
Fish Cat: he drops his dumbbell Woah, the CARTEL!? I am clean, I do not have any drugs on me. Guaranteed.
Titan Cat: he whacks Fish Cat across the head NO! You fucking jackass, the cartel clearly isn't going to make their way towards us. I swear you guys overreact over the tiniest things.
Gross Cat: Hey, listen here, when they do come, tell them my name is Gato Asqueroso! (No, just guess what it means)
Bean Cat L: Ooh, I want to have my own name in Spanish! It makes Gross Cat sound more badass!
Bean Cat R: ME TOO! But make it different from mine. I don't want to be just a clone of his.
Axe Cat: You guys are not clones of one another. Just... suspiciously similar.
Titan Cat: I swear these idiots don't know how to talk to people. And there's one who refuses to talk at all. he shoots a glare at Lizard Cat
Lizard Cat: he grumbles as he wakes up Huh? Good Morning? he yawns as he steps off the outdoor hammock and onto the grass What did I miss, gentlemen?
Fish Cat: I'd say good afternoon, but it's NOT! So that quote is fucking useless at this point.
Lizard Cat: Okay, Fish Cat, you do you. he smirks as he rubs his tail against him
Bob: Morning sunshine! he cackles away as he continues lifting his rock
Lizard Cat: BOB! King of the boulders. Long time no see, buddy. he smirks as he pokes him
Gross Cat: Well, you saw him literally less than two hour ago, before you decided to nap in that hammock.
Lizard Cat: Oh shut the hell up, long legs. he growls as smoke comes out of his nose
Cat: Uhh, say, what are we all planning on doing once we make our way across to the Enemy Base? Are we going to check it out or what?
Bob: I suppose nothing is stopping us from actually checking these bastards out. Who knows what they'd be getting up to once we actually arrive into the scene? he cackles away as he approaches the main entrance into The Cat Base
Cow Cat: You guys go on ahead, I'm just going to finish off these few sets, okay? I'm trying to maintain these abs! he cackles away
Bean Cat R: Oh, come on, Cow Cat! he giggles as he grabs Cow Cat by the tail and tugs him
Cow Cat: I DID NOT CONSENT TO YOU DRAGGING ME ACROSS LIKE THAT! YOU KNOW?
Cat: he smirks as he looks at The Enemy Base from inside Well, check it out, we're going to be going up against these guys. he sighs as he checks out the Battlefield for any threats Be on your toes, guys.
The Battle Act eventually makes their way outside after a good few seconds of procrastination. They all look at The Enemy Base in front of them with genuine interest and enthusiasm. It is a stereotypical Mexican Base based off of your average Mariachi singer. He is rocking a lot of sombreros on his head. And he has a maraca on his left hand, and he has a colorful outfit on him. No doubt about it, he seems happy. We must not forget about the guitar going across his body, and serves as the entrance. This was a really detailed base made by the enemies.
Gross Cat: Do you know what I believe? We should have our very own mariachi band play for us. It will serve as an anti stress thing.
Tank Cat: Our very own mariachi band, that serves to play for us. That would be AMAZING!
Titan Cat: Now, what are those jackasses for enemies up to now!? he scoffs as he checks out The Enemy Base
Inside of said Enemy Base. The enemies are all lazing around. Not giving a crap about the important task at hand. Doge is sleeping on the ground, Snache is painting his body with his water colors, Those Guys are all arguing over the last burrito in the fridge, Jackie Peng is drinking some chocolate milk as he watches some Kung Fu movies, Gory is playing solitaire while drinking some rum, Sir Seal is singing loudly about sailor life, Le'Boin is reading some of his magazines. Kang Roo is teaching her son how to do the dishes, and Squire Rel comes zooming by, ruining the dishes as they all shatter on the floor.
Kang Roo: she is startled as she glares at Squire Rel, who turns back innocently WHAT THE DOOPS ARE YOU DOING!?
Squire Rel: Ah, mine apologies, I didst not see you there. she grabs some broken dishes I say to thou were trying to act kid friendly 'i front of thy son. she smirks as she runs away
Jo E: Is THAT what I'm supposed to do with the dishes once I'm done with them!? he seems excited as he shakes his poor mother
Kang Roo: What? No! You're not supposed to break the dishes like that. They're really expensive stuff, you know?
Jo E: Oh, okay mama, I thought I could have fun in my life for once. he sighs, and resumes with his chores
That Guy B: I told you! I worked hard to get that burrito, what did you all do? Stick your thumbs up your asses and pretend nothing is happening.
That Guy A: No, that is not true at all, I worked my ass off in order to make sure I can have that tasty burrito all to myself! You wouldn't understand a thing.
That Guy C: YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST! I wanted that burrito, and you guys are not letting me just have it for ONCE. For ONCE can I have a burrito? he shakes his friends in desperation
Those Guys A and B simultaneously: NO! You're not having that burrito. they shove him away
That Guy C: Aww... he pouts as he storms off
Snache: Huh? What got you so pent up, little guy? he sighs as he looks at him
That Guy C: It's because I was supposed to get a burrito, and I never got one! How unfair is that? Burritos are delicious. I want one for my own.
Snache: I originally wanted this for my own... but, he sighs I guess you can have this. he hands him a burrito, completely sealed from a takeout
That Guy C: I'm in your debt, bro! he rushes towards Snache and hugs him tightly THANKS A LOT!
Jackie Peng: OOH, JACKIE PENG LOVES BURRITOS! Can I have one?
Snache: No, it is the only one I had anyways. So you're not getting a burrito, buddy.
Jackie Peng: Aw, screw you, Snache! he huffs as he walks away
Doge:he barely woke up Huh? What exactly happened here? he yawns as he stretches and looks at everyone Did I miss out on anything?
Snache: Nope, you didn't miss out on SHIT! Trust me when I say that, Doge.
Doge: Alright. he smirks as he shrugs his shoulders Say, where is everyone at?
Sir Seal: OH THE SAILOR LIFE IS FOR ME! I LOVE LIVING THE LIFE OF A SAILOR! he stumbles back as he looks at everyone Oh, hey everyone.
Doge: Damn... okay, that just happened. he sighs as he backs away I am highly confused here.
Le'Boin: Ooh, these ladies are surely something else. he giggles as he is lost in his magazine
That Guy A: he is eating his burrito COME ON GUYS! Let's get going and beat these enemies in the ass.
Kang Roo: Wait, we have to wait on Gory to make his way outside. she gives Jo E her phone Okay, here's mama's phone, now sit back and relax, we won't be long.
Jo E: Okay, mama... he is lost in his phone, he is watching your average mainstream social media
Gory: DAMN IT! he bashes his fist against the wall
Le'Boin: Ah, Gory, what has gotten you so pent up, eh pal? he smirks as he looks at Gory
Gory: I lost the six of spades, how the fuck am I supposed to play solitaire with only FIFTY ONE cards!?
Sir Seal: It is not the end of the world, pal. Now, time to defeat some feline ass! he cackles loudly before making his way outside
The Authorial Association begin to make their way outside in order to take down The Battle Act. They all take a moment to prepare themselves as they will soon be either kicking ass, or getting their asses kicked! Eventually, Cat speaks up.
Cat: Wow, I never expected them all to actually come out and try to take us all on in a battle, but, here we are!
Doge: Mhm! And we're going to be kicking your rears so hard to the point where you'll be unable to differentiate between the colors red and green! Just like me, not my faults dogs are practically color blind.
Cat: Woah, what on Earth happened to YOU!? he struggles to hold in his laughter at the sight of Doge
Doge: I... may or may not have fallen asleep on the ground.
Cat: There's no way you actually did that! You actual buffoon!
Doge: he grumbles as he turns away, he's completely flustered Oh, shut the hell up...
Bob: Okay! I'm ready when all of you are. We're going to beat the shit out of these idiotic bastards. Em nome do Deus Gato! (In the name of The Cat God!)
The Battle Begins! Bob charges right into Those Guys and bashes his fist onto the ground, this results in the three of them to go flying as a result. Bob smirks at the sight as he bashes the head of That Guy C, this results in his head to bleedout as he stumbles backwards. Those Guys A and B all stare at Bon in fear as he begins to approach them. Approximately a few seconds later, Those Guys all come swarming after Bob and slapping his face off.
Bob: AGH! GOD DAMN IT! What is your fucking issue? I did nothing at all...
That Guy C: You nearly made me receive permanent brain damage, you fool!
Bob: Ah, so I did do something. he smirks WHAT A RESULT!
That Guy B: We do not take disrespect towards our friend very lightly, you are going to get your ass handed to you for that, buddy. he smirks as he kicks Bob in the leg
Bob: Okay, what is your fucking issue? I didn't even do that much shit to you, yet all of a sudden, I am the big bad guy here! he rolls his eyes I would beat the shit out of all of you right now, but that wouldn't be any fair. I want to make sure all my fights are equally long.
That Guy A: So, does that mean you'll be leaving us alone? Or what?
Bob: he smirks as he cracks his knuckles Oh, you simpletons can be so adorable at times. No, what I want to do is, I want to make sure you dumbasses get a long and painful suffering. And that means listening to my voice, whether you think it's smooth and calming, or droning and annoying, I don't care, you're going to listen to it!
That Guy B: Does this make sense? I believe your voice is smooth, but droning. You're probably confused, and I get that.
Bob: Jesus... that is like the most confusing thing ever. É como ouvir português de uma região diferente. (It's like hearing Portuguese from a different region)
That Guy A: Hey, he does know how we feel! AMAZING STUFF, BOB! he gives a cheesy thumbs up
Bob: Heh, thanks I guess, now, I believe I should deliver a kick ass final blow to you wusses, huh?
That Guy C: What are you going to do to us? Make us endure a lot of bullshit and suffering!?
Bob: Well, anything in order to get some of that treasure. Such as the Cactus variants...
That Guy B: Oh, well good luck with that! he cackles away as he rushes up to Bob
Bob sighs before whacking the three of them with his fists, they all easily go down. They are all unconscious as their faces begin to bleed all over the ground. He smirks at the sight he has created as he walks away from the scene. He looks proud of himself for doing such a thing.
Bob: Heh, typical bastards, always getting in my way whenever I try to take down an actual threat.
Meanwhile, Bob is rushing along and trying to find someone he can help. He notices Titan Cat trying to take down Le'Boin, Bob begins to approach Titan Cat and tries to help him out. Titan Cat notices Bob and begins to speak up.
Titan Cat: Ah Bob, perfect timing. I was just about to tell you how strong Kang Roo is. She actually managed to bust up my face while I wasn't looking. he sighs as he rubs his hand across his face
Bob: Now, come on, Titan Cat, show her that you're much better than that! You could easily crush people the second they show you disrespect.
Titan Cat: he scoffs, before letting a smile form on his lips I guess you're right. I am not past my prime, I can easily defeat these jackasses any day of the week.
Kang Roo: So, Titan Cat, are you going to be going after me or what? she smirks as she prepares to land a punch onto Titan Cat
Titan Cat: Good luck with that, bitch! he smirks before grabbing her boxing glove Heh, didn't think about that, now, did you?
Kang Roo: What!? she tries to escape his clutch No fair! You're going to get your ass handed to you for that. she smirks before sending a blow right into his face
Kang Roo smirks as she watches Titan Cat back away and collapse onto the ground. He grumbles as he barely manages to stand himself back up. He rushes towards Kang Roo and lands a powerful blow onto her. This results in Kang Roo to get whacked down from the attacks. Bob rushes up ahead and doubles down on the impact by sending a blow to the back of her head, she coughs up some blood as she trips onto the ground.
Bob: Hah! That shows you what's up, you fool. he smirks as he cracks his knuckles
Kang Roo: I'll admit, your attacks weren't bad, FAR from bad. Your attacks were AMAZING! she gets up and admires Bob
Bob: Heh, all it just takes is a little bit of strength, patience, charisma, and m- gets interrupted by Titan Cat, as he sends a blow right into his head OW!
Titan Cat: Knock it off, jackass. We have a whole goal ahead of us, I'm not letting you give a mentoring backstory to Kang Roo over here.
Bob: Damn... he scoffs as he turns to Kang Roo and flicks his toothpick I guess you're dead meat, buddy!
Kang Roo: weakly You wouldn't... she backs away in fear
Bob: Oh, you bet your sweet ass I would! he smirks as he rushes towards Kang Roo
Bob charges right into Kang Roo and bashes his fists right into Kang Roo's abdomen. Her stomach gets crushed from the impact as she collapses onto the floor and goes unconscious from the impact of the attack. Bob smirks at the sight, as Titan Cat is quick to join up with him.
Titan Cat: Alright, I'll admit, that was pretty decent of an attack there, Bob. I'm sorry for hitting you in the head.
Bob: he chuckles as he rubs his head Nope, I deserve it. I shouldn't have been dilly dallying with the enemies. Now, let's go ahead and find another guy to fight against.
Bob smirks as he runs away. He soon bumps into Gross Cat, who is fighting against Jackie Peng. He admires the scene as Jackie Peng rushes right into Gross Cat and attempts to whack his legs with his wings, this results in Gross Cat's legs to get crushed from the impact as they begin to bleeding out from the impact. Gross Cat manages to survive the attacks as he glares into the eyes of Jackie Peng as he slaps Jackie Peng down with his long arms. Jackie Peng stumbles backwards as he falls over.
Gross Cat: Heh, I thought so, you fucking penguin. Keep getting slapped by the legendary Gross Cat! Or should I say, Gato Asqueroso! he puffs up his chest, before noticing Bob spectating in the background Oh, hey Bob! I didn't see you there. Did you see what I did to Jackie Peng!?
Bob: Yeah, I did. Impressive shit for sure. he cackles away as he cracks his knuckles But do you know what it is missing?
Gross Cat: Huh? What is it missing by any chance? he smirks as he raises an eyebrow
Bob: Me! he smirks as he flicks his toothpick I was just busy with Kang Roo, she was admiring my epic fighting skills! So I had to delay myself for a bit.
Jackie Peng: THAT DOES NOT MATTER! JACKIE PENG IS NOT DONE WITH YOU, YOU SHOULD TRY AND REALIZE I'M HERE TOO. he squawks as he approaches the two of them
Gross Cat: Bob! I'm so glad that you were able to act as a meat shield for me. he smirks as he places Bob in front of him Now, just soak up all the damage he delivers. Your stamina is insane, so you should be fine.
Bob: SO!? That doesn't justify you using me as your personal meat shield and defending yourself from attacks.
Gross Cat: I've been unconscious a good few times, more than I'd like to admit. I'd really appreciate just a SMALL amount of sensitivity here. he groans as he pokes Bob
Bob: he sighs as he tosses Gross Cat's paw aside Okay, let's go and beat the shit out of Jackie Peng. he smirks before charging right into him
Jackie Peng: HA HA! Good luck with that, you simpletons, Jackie Peng is, and always will be, one step ahead of you. You could easily tell from my close proximity to you. he smirks as he walks towards Bob and whacks his neck with his wing
Bob: AGH! he feels his neck being crushed as he bleeds out from the impact Damn you...
Jackie Peng: HAH! You fell for Jackie Peng's epic attack move counter attack.
Bob: You know I don't have time for this. he scoffs as he flicks his toothpick
Bob rushes towards Jackie Peng and bashes his head with his own. This results in Jackie Peng flying backwards as he lands head first onto the ground. He groans in pain before getting up. Covered in blood and bruises.
Jackie Peng: Jackie Peng does not tolerate any hate at all. he grumbles as he chases after Bob
Gross Cat: Don't you even think about chasing after Bob! Not on my protocol that is. he smirks before charging towards Jackie Peng and slapping him hard right across the face, he spins around before bashing his head against a rock and goes unconscious Don't worry, Bob, I got this.
Bob: Wow, you sure showed him what's up. he cackles away before walking away
Meanwhile, Lizard Cat is fighting against Le'Boin. Bob is quick to rush ahead and deliver support. But little does he realize he's going to become a meat shield for him ONCE AGAIN! Lizard Cat starts attacking by shooting a fire ember right into Le'Boin's trunk. This results in his trunk going in flames as he runs around in pain. Reasonably mortified for his life! He approaches Lizard Cat and slams his trunk right onto the poor guy. He gets flattened in an instant as his tiny body can't withstand Le'Boin's gigantic trunk.
Le'Boin: Hah! I believe I delivered some badass revenge there, am I right, Lizard Cat?
Lizard Cat: Get off me first before I could tell you. he coughs up some blood as Le'Boin slowly lifts his trunk off Lizard Cat
Bob: Well, well, well. If if isn't my favorite Lizard and Elephant in the whole wide world.
Lizard Cat: BOB! he rushes towards him and gives him a hug I haven't seen you in hours... how are you keeping dude?
Bob: Eh, I'm not doing too bad! I'm rocking up a good fight scene here. I'm making sure none of these dumbasses can get me.
Lizard Cat: That is SO epic man. I wish I could perform such an attack like that...
Le'Boin: Trust me, you will. Once you reach HEAVEN THAT IS! he chuckles loudly as he slams his trunk down onto the Battlefield
Bob: As if you're going to heaven yourself, you perverted bastard. he scoffs as he cracks his knuckles
Le'Boin: I DO NOT OWN THOSE TYPES OF MAGAZINES YOU FOOL! I wouldn't even read one owned by someone else.
Lizard Cat: I'm sorry, when did Bob say you're going to hell because of the magazines?
Le'Boin: Uhh... that is a good question! I believe I may have misheard what Bob said... he blushes brightly as he backs away in embarrassment Shit...
Bob: he flicks his toothpick Damn, you surely can't keep it to yourself, huh? Well, I believe it is time for us to do all out attack on this elephant. E reze que ele não faça o mesmo de volta! (And pray he doesn't do the same to us!)
Lizard Cat: Don't worry, I doubt that will be the case here, Bob! He is far too scared of us to even make a MOVE. So calm your ass down, we're sorted against him.
Le'Boin: Can the two of you shut the fuck up and take me on already?
Lizard Cat: Right, I forgot you have a short attention span, my bad. he rolls his eyes before charging right into Le'Boin, while maintaining a good distance
Lizard Cat, maintaining at least a school bus worth of distance, fires an ember right into Le'Boin's face. This results in the poor elephant burning up almost instantly from the impact as he runs around in pain. Bob eventually rushes towards him and sends a punch right into his right tusk, this results in a bleeding sensation as his blistering worsens.
Le'Boin: AGH! Why did you feel the need to double down on my already existing pain!?
Bob: Because I just saw you wimping around, so I said to myself, "Damn, I really should show that son of a bitch who's boss!". Do you get me?
Le'Boin: No! And it really hurts by the way... AGH! he groans in pain
Bob: Oh, well in that case, allow me to finish you off already, you seem like you're in enough pain, so I might finish you off. he sends another punch right onto Le'Boin and he falls onto the floor unconsciously There we go!
Lizard Cat: Nicely done Bob! You look fucked, maybe you should take a break from all the ass kicking.
Bob: Sounds good... he sighs as he flicks his toothpick and walks away
Elsewhere, Cow Cat is going up against Gory in an epic One on One battle. Gory starts off the attack by rushing right into Cow Cat and bashing his face in with his fists. This results in the poor guy to bruise up from the impact as his nose begins to bleed. Cow Cat responds by charging right into Gory and bashing his head right into his chest. This results in the gorilla to go flying backwards as he lands right onto a rock as bashes his head. Which causes a much worse bleeding sensation to occur.
Cow Cat: Woo-hoo! That was rather epic, huh? he smirks as he looks down on Gory Aw come on! What's with the scary face for?
Gory:he coughs up some bloodand glares at Cow Cat You wouldn't understand. he sighs as he rubs his head in pain
Cow Cat: What are you talking about? Of course I'd understand your situation. Now come on, tell me what's bothering you and your oogly moogly!
Gory: I lost the six of spades from my deck of cards. Now HOW am I supposed to play any sort of gambling game whatsoever?
Cow Cat: Huh, I get that. I completely understand. he smirks as he puts a hoof on Gory's shoulder
Gory: Thanks... he sniffs I really appreciate it. I normally wouldn't be ALL out angry on this kind of shit, but my head is flushed with booze, so I am thinking rather impulsively.
Cow Cat: Are you telling me that the you I'm used to ISN'T impulsive!? he struggles to hold in his laughter as he stares at Gory
Gory: Fuck you, Cow Cat. he grumbles as he shoves him away
Cow Cat: What? Why are you so defensive the second someone breaks their seriousness? he cackles away before snapping out of it
Gory: You're really just some prick who doesn't know how to show any sympathy when you need to the most.
Cow Cat: I'm not a prick! I don't know what mentality made you believe that was the case, but you know DAMN well I would never show any disrespect towards my pals. That is something you really need to work on, bucko.
Gory: he sighs Fine then, come at me, show me what you got, you fucking son of a bitch! he charges right into Cow Cat
Gory whacks Cow Cat right in the face repeatedly, this causes his whole face to bleed out as he coughs up some blood. He barely manages to stand as he charges right into Gory. He bashes him right in the chest as he flings backwards. He flings almost instantly as he lands on a rock.
Gory: You wouldn't dare! he stares at The Enemy Base in fear
Cow Cat: Oh, I would dare! he cackles loudly before charging right into Gory
Cow Cat whacks Gory once more as he lands right into The Mexican Base. The whole thing collapses as the Inferior, Normal, and Superior Cactus Treasures come flying out of The Enemy Base and onto the ground. Gory goes unconscious from the impact he received. And Cow Cat chuckles at his victory. Elsewhere, Cat is taking on Snache in a vicious battle to the death! Snache starts on his behalf by pouncing right onto Cat. This results in Cat's chest to bleed out as his body begins to bleed from the impact. Cat responds to the impact as he grabs Snache's neck and strangles the snake. His neck gets crushed as he begins to bruise up from the attack.
Cat: Heh, I suppose you weren't ready for that attack, hmm? he giggles as he looks at Snache, struggling to survive
Snache: Oh, you mother fucking idiot! You are going to HELL for that. he grumbles as he stares down Cat
Cat: Aw come on, can't you handle the heat? We're Cats for all we care! And we are making sure Enemies like yourself can't come across and beat us up.
Snache: Yeah, I suppose you do have a decent enough point there. But trust me, some enemies don't even try to put on a decent fight against you guys.
Cat: Oh really? he raises an eyebrow What exactly do you mean by that?
Snache: Doge was literally sleeping on the GROUND! He did not have the decency to move to a bed or a sofa to sleep on. he jabs Cat with his tail with every syllable he says
Cat: OW! Your jabs hurt. he bites his lip in pain as he grabs his hip (which received the jabs) and backs away I'm going to beat your fucking ass in! You literal spastic... JUST DIE ALREADY!
Cat pounces onto Snache as the two tackle one another. Cat bites down onto Snache's face. This results in a bleeding sensation in his face as his scales get crushed from the impact. Snache is rushing right into Cat and bites down onto his forehead. This causes his head to spew off blood. His face gets covered in blood as he watches Cat bleed.
Snache: Heh, I guess I'm making sure your dumbass gets banjaxed by my attacks.
Cat: You're not getting away with this. he bites down onto Snache's torso and makes him bleed out from the impact Heh, you're funny when you're bleeding out like that.
Snache: What is that supposed to mean? he glares at Cat as he raises an eyebrow in suspicion Are you telling me you're secretly plotting an attack against me that I'm oblivious to?
Cat: Hmm, yeah, but also no. I'm not telling you a THING. he smirks away as he pushes Snache
Snache: I'm sorry, what the fuck are you doing to me? he scoffs as he glares at Cat's paw
Cat: I'm simply pushing you away! he giggles as he continues shoving the poor snake
Snache: You're hopeless, I hope you realize that. he sighs as he endures the shoving
Meanwhile, Axe Cat, Fish Cat, and Bean Cats are taking on Sir Seal, putting themselves in a huge advantage from their anti-Red abilities. This guarantees that they are put in a huge advantage against the enemies as they attempt to approach Sir Seal and take him down. Fish Cat starts the battle by rushing right into Sir Seal and biting down into Sir Seal's blubber. This results in Sir Seal bleeding out as he backs away in pain. He groans as he tries to regain his composure. Axe Cat rushes towards Sir Seal and whacks his face in with his axe. This causes Sir Seal's body to get slashed and spew out blood. He coughs up some blood as he stumbles backwards from the attack. Bean Cats do an epic move by slamming down right onto Sir Seal. He gets Knocked Back as he is brushing up.
Sir Seal: he growls quietly You dumb fucks sure know how to deliver a torturous attack on me, huh? he cackles as he glares at everyone
Axe Cat: Well, weren't you impressed by what we have to accomplish? We are some tough cookies, and here you are, complaining like a bitch.
Sir Seal: Huh, you are trying to act like a tough old bastard, but you can't do anything once you see what I'm capable of. he smirks as he approaches them You do realize I'm quite fast, right?
Bean Cat L: It's true! He is fast, he is insanely fast. he shudders in trauma
Bean Cat R: How else would he have been able to successfully capture us over in Greece?
Fish Cat: Well, do you know what I think? I think we should all start barking like dogs! Yeah! We'll become The Battle Dogs! Bark at him to show that we aren't afraid of his speed.
Sir Seal: I'm sorry, what? What in the actual hell are you going to do, you fat piece of fuck?
Fish Cat: he starts barking like a dog WAN, WAN, WAN! literally no one else is joining in
Sir Seal: You're not funny... he sighs as he slaps his forehead with his flipper By the way, I'm telling Doge that you did this.
Axe Cat: Hey, Fish Cat, buddy, don't take any offense when I ask this, but, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?
Fish Cat: It was a distraction decoy! I got him distracted there. So now you guys can attack.
Axe Cat and Bean Cats simultaneously: WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD US THAT! NOW HE KNOWS, JACKASS!
Sir Seal: As always, you guys make a TERRIBLE TEAM! he cackles away loudly as he watches everyone argue to his own amusement
Fish Cat: Oh-ho! By the time we're done with you, you're going to be DEAD!
Bean CatR: Y-yeah! We are going to fuck your ass up so much, you are not going to be able to handle our combined strength.
Sir Seal: Alright then... bring it on! Show me that you guys are capable of taking down a MACHO MAN like myself. he cackles loudly before approaching them
Axe Cat grabs his axe as he rushes towards Sir Seal and slashes him down with his axe. This results in Sir Seal spewing out blood as he falls onto the floor. Bean Cats double down by bouncing right onto him. This causes the poor seal to be crushed against the floor. Sir Seal coughs up some blood as he glares at the four of them.
Sir Seal: Damn you bastards... he coughs Damn you all! I am going to get revenge for this.
Fish Cat: I preferred it when you knew how to shut up and not talk so loudly. But, ah well, you can't get everything you want in life, so why complain about it!? he grins as he charges right after him
Fish Cat chomps down on Sir Seal's forehead. This results in the epidermis to peel as blood splatters all over the place. He goes unconscious as he passes out from the impact. He collapses onto the floor as Fish Cat just glares at him going down. He looks really proud of himself!
Fish Cat: It seems we showed that dumbass what's up! Isn't that right, guys? he smirks as he looks at them all with a cocky grin
Bean Cat L: Yeah, hehe, you really showed him hell. Good job Fish Cat.
Axe Cat: Yeah, even though Matilda here did most of the work, he kisses his axe I have to praise you on your finish.
Bean Cat R: Now come on! Let's go and find the others and see if they need any help whatsoever.
Meanwhile, Tank Cat and Doge are battling it out in an epic battle. Doge rushes right into Tank Cat and bites down onto his body. This results in him bleeding out from his abdomen as it gets crushed from Doge's teeth. Tank Cat responds by bashing Doge right in the head, this results in Doge to stumble back as a large bruise appears on his forehead. It is surely quite a scene.
Doge: Okay, I'll give you that, you managed to show me that you can actually be powerful when you really want to be. he smirks away as he nudges Tank Cat
Tank Cat: Thanks Doge! I try to improve on my fighting skills every day. I'm tired of being so defensive, so I thought I might go ahead and do some offensive moves. Cat taught me some skills, so I am just simply using them on the Battlefield. So give him your thanks. he smirks as he bashes Doge
Doge: he smirks Did he? That smart little dimwit... he sighs as he is lost in thought, before snapping out of it Time to show you PAIN! he leaps onto Tank Cat and bites down into his fur
Tank Cat begins to bleed out as Doge bites deeper and deeper into his fur. Tank Cat does not take it very lightly as he approaches Doge and grabs him by the neck. He then slams the poor dog onto the ground. He begins to severely bleed out as a result from the attack. Tank Cat just giggles away.
Doge: AW DAMN YOU TANK CAT! he groans in pain as he grabs his hip in pain
Tank Cat: Well, Bob taught me how to do that. So you can thank him for that.
Doge: Did he? he stares in disbelief as he gets up Huh... that smart BIG dimwit. he is even more lost in thought, before Tank Cat snaps him out of it AGH! OKAY, I'M SORRY! he scoffs as he rolls his eyes
Tank Cat: Good, I just didn't want my chance of victory to go to waste. I hope you understand where I'm coming from here.
Doge: Heh, I guess I do get where you're coming from. It's just my drive I guess to understand where idiots like you are coming from.
Tank Cat: Well, look at that, excellent news! I believe you will be able to deliver a good attack onto us because of that.
Doge: I guess so, I am one of a kind, huh? he chuckles as he pokes Tank Cat Now, all I need to do is take you down, comprende? That's "Do you understand?" in Spanish, by the way.
Tank Cat: Oh, no need to worry, I think I understood that one! he beams brightly as he nudges Doge But I guess we just have to keep fighting for now.
Doge: Damn, I was really interested in this little conversation we were having there! Ah well... he shrugs as he rushes towards Tank Cat
The two of them begin to wrestle as one of them tries to claim victory over the other. It takes a lot of drive and power as the two of them are attacking one another with a lot of brute force and power. But eventually, they have each other in a strangle as they attempt to choke their opponent. Doge gets a good hold over Tank Cat's neck, however, Tank Cat puts himself in the huge advantage of pinning him down.
Tank Cat: Hehe! You're too scared to admit that I won, huh? You're going to get your ass kicked and you don't even know it.
Doge: All right then, I guess I lost, I can see you guys are currently OUTNUMBERING us by a big margin! So go ahead, I don't care!
Tank Cat grabs Doge and whacks his head against a rock. His crown begins to bleed out tremendously as he goes unconscious from the impact of the whole attack. Eventually, Tank Cat lets him go as he walks away and giggles at the sight of Doge. And finally, in the very end of it all. We are left to see Bird Cat and Squire Rel fight each other off in a quick and badass combative fight! Squire Rel starts off her attack by zooming right into Bird Cat and biting right into his left wing. This causes severe damage to Bird Cat as he falls down onto the floor in pain. Squire Rel grins as she continues to charge right into the poor creature. Bird Cat manages to swoop himself up and pounces right into Squire Rel! This results in Squire Rel tripping backwards as she stumbles and lands herself onto a rock. It is indeed, quite a scene to behold.
Bird Cat: he grins Well, isn't that splendid! It seems my left wing's marginal coverts, yet I am still able to fly with ease! Now I believe it is time for me to perform a decent counter move onto you as an act of revenge for what you just so happened to do to me! You're welcome, by the way.
Squire Rel: Oh crap! It seems like I am not 'i a good right now. This dumb bird is going to murder me at any second now. she gulps in fear
Bird Cat: No need to worry. Little Squirrel, many consider me to be more peaceful in comparison to my barbaric friends and brethren. So you can lower your stress levels and calm down.
Squire Rel: No, I do not regard I am able to calm down right now. Thou are clearly going to outperform me.
Bird Cat: According to my calculations, you are going to move from point A, your current location, to point B, just in front of my location, in naught point naught three two seconds. I have to time my attack perfectly, as you could accelerate or decelerate at any moment and put me off.
Squire Rel: Oh, join hither and discover me what thou art made of! she smirks as she begins to charge after Bird Cat at full speed
Bird Cat: Oh dear! I believe I have to act really fast. As my marginal covert is bleeding like a waterfall from Niagara Falls! he gulps in fear I suppose I should just suck in all my anxiety and toss it aside to an irrelevant location. he breathes in and out his nose before glaring at Squire Rel READY!
Bird Cat swoops down onto Squire Rel and pounces into her. She goes flying and lands on a rock as a result from the attack. She ends up bleeding tremendously as she coughs up some blood and speaks up weakly.
Squire Rel: she coughs up some blood It seems though actually fared to beat me 'i this little broil of ours! she scoffs as she manages to walk towards him
Bird Cat: Indeed I have! Too bad all good things must come to a conclusion, my dear Sciuridae. he sighs before pouncing off her once more, she goes unconscious almost instantly
Snache: Huh? Did you see that! I SURVIVED! I MANAGED TO OUTPERFORM ALL YOU DUMBASS BITCHES. he smirks as he shoves Cat off him and begins to pick everyone up Alright, I suppose I should be leaving, I'm going to miss beating the shit out of you bastards, but, ah well, all good things must come to an end at some point.
Bob: Hey Snache! he grins as he looks at him and flicks his toothpick
Snache: Huh? What do you want, Bob?
Bob: You did damn good out there, you did damn good. he cackles away as he rushes right into the enemy base and retrieves the Cactus treasure variants
Snache: Huh, thanks I guess. he shrugs before grabbing everyone and rushing away from the scene
Cat: Why are you complimenting that jackass? he smirks as he looks at Bob with curiosity
Bob: Eh, I guess you could say it just pumped through my blood. It's just something that Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy would do. he shrugs as he gently strokes Cat's head But in all seriousness, I just felt like doing it.
Cat: he purrs as he leans into the strokes Oh yeah, in front of the ears... ahh, that's the spot. he giggles as he nuzzles into the petting
Axe Cat: Say, Bob, do you have that God damn treasure already!? Bean Cats are starting to grow impatient over what the Cactus treasure variants look like.
Bob: Sim! Sem dúvida! (Yeah! No doubt!) he cackles away as he walks inside Don't worry, I'll show it to them.
Cat: Hey! Wait for me... he sighs as he rushes after everyone
Inside of The Cat Base. The Battle Act are tending to their injuries and discussing the events of the battles they had. With Lizard Cat falling asleep on top of Titan Cat. No one knows why that guy is always sleeping. But I guess you can't really blame the poor lad, SLEEPING IS SO MUCH FUN! Now, where was I!? Oh right! Bob asks about the treasure because yadda yadda ya, he is impatient and can't grab the Log Book himself.
Bob: Say Cat, do you know where we are heading to next? And what are the treasures and enemies like? he smirks as he nudges him, now you see what I mean
Cat: Not a bother! Let's go ahead and read this damn Log Boom, then, shall we? he flicks open the Log Book and lands on the correct page Okay! Tomorrow, we are heading to NASA, as we will be trying to obtain the Space Rations treasure variants! And we will be facing up against the following; Doge, Snache, Those Guys, Pigge, Sir Seal, One Horn, Croco, and B.B.Bunny! So every Red enemy, and a few Traitless ones! So let's all get ready for when we need to take down these pricks!
Gross Cat: I still can't believe the God Damn cartel didn't get some drugs off us!
Titan Cat: That's because we don't HAVE any! Okay, can we all just head to bed already? The fucking lizard already decided to sleep... on my head.
And so, The Battle Act begin to make their way upstairs, concluding once AGAIN, another day of ass kicking combat! They now have made their way back to North America, as they got the Mexican Treasure, they are now returning to the United States as they make their way to the biggest space program in the world. All we can do for now is let them sleep and dream of all the possibilities that tomorrow can bring them. Goodnight from Mexico!
TO BE CONTINUED
Now, wasn't that pretty cool? Forty two episodes of this fiction officially DONE! I went through a bunch of the same stuff as per usual, so I decided to spice things up with some shit post like humor in the story. Since nobody debuted, and no buff got purchased. So I hope you enjoyed what I had to offer you, because it was fun, but not easy to write up. None of this story is copy and pasted, except for the Copyright notice, as it is almost always the same stuff, so I just copy and paste that to save me time.
As always, stay tuned for another kick ass adventure coming very soon! To a fan fiction near you!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him, just as long as you don't profit, and credit the owner.
This story is 100% unofficial and can be considered as a Fan Made one.