Hours later Prentiss is awakened to the sensation of warm light hitting her face. Her lids separate, and she finds the sun streaming in through the crack in her room darkening curtains. The heavy black curtains cover thick blinds. Her initial instinct is to jump out of bed. Her mind automatically defaults to a flee setting. She attempts to wriggle out of bed, but is met by resistance. Suddenly her chest feels tight, as her pulse races, and her breathing grows more erratic.
"Emily," a soothing voice grounds her to reality, as she realizes whose arms hold her against his chest, "You're safe."
He loosens his grip, and she rolls onto the opposite side. He gently touches her cheek.
"I don't remember making it to bed." She begins the conversation.
He smirks, "We nearly made it that far. We made it to the hallway. One minute you were laughing hysterically, and the next your eyes started to flutter. I scooped you up, and carried you in here."
"To be clear, this can never happen again."
"Okay."
Her eyes stare at his lips. His eyes watch her micro-expressions. "We should get up for the day."
"Not yet."
"If we stay here, tangled up in your sheets in our current states neither one of us is going to be able to make promises that we can keep," he says softly.
"My instincts tend to agree."
He feels her fingertips rest against his arm. "Then what are we doing here? Neither one of us is moving."
"I was too pushy."
He furrows his brow, "I didn't say that."
"I don't want this, like that."
"Oh. What are you saying, right now?"
"Shut up, and drive."
He places his hand on her heart. "We're going to go slow. You know, you never answered me last night."
"About what?"
"When was the last time you let someone make love to you?"
"Nobody in this century has referred to the act of intercourse as making love."
He smiles until his cheeks highlight his dimples, "I can show you what I mean."
Sometime later she watches as his fingers loop around the black laces of his sneakers, as he is perched on her coffee table. Her wet hair clings to her bare shoulders as she stands in her living room wearing only a towel.
"Luke will be here soon for my mandatory check in. You should go."
"I'm only a phone call away, Em."
"I know."
Her heart sinks as she watches him disappear out the door. She soon ditches the towel, and haphazardly gets dressed. She stares at her reflection in the mirror. Her fingers feel restless, so she weaves them through her hair until it's secured into a braid. She pulls on a black tank top with thick straps. She slides on a pair of black cotton shorts.
She applies under eye cream, and moisturizer. She thoroughly flosses, brushes, and swishes. In the next room she strips the bedclothes, and leads them to the washing machine. In the kitchen she stands in front of an open fridge door. For a moment she wonders which is more empty inside, her, or the fridge. Her next thought wanders to which is colder inside, her heart, or the stainless steel.
Her stomach gurgles, and she tries to recall the last time she's had a real meal. Her mind stops her from crossing a time barrier. A throbbing headache tries to push her past it. She stands frozen as she listens to a key hit her lock. The door pushes open, and the figure in the doorway carries bags of groceries.
"Dave? What are you doing here?"
"Luke is a terrible cook."
"You should be at work. Someone, has to be at the helm."
"J.J. is at the helm for the day. We are both where we are needed," he insists as he empties his arms onto the kitchen island.
"Are you cooking for an army?"
"I'll make plenty so that you can have leftovers."
"I'm feeling pretty restless, so please give me any task."
"We're going to have a hearty meal. You know I like to start with a robust salad. The first thing that needs done is the day-old bread needs to be chopped up so that I can make homemade croutons."
"I can handle that."
He sifts through the groceries, and arranges them appropriately on the counter. He places some items in the fridge. Prentiss takes the bread, a knife, and a marble cutting board to the opposite counter.
"I won't ask you how you're doing. I just want you to know that after my most recent trauma the thing I didn't want to say out loud to anyone was that when I wasn't angry, then I just felt empty. I knew I couldn't let that slip in a room full of profilers. I didn't want anyone to worry. People understand anger, or sadness. They even allow a certain amount of lunacy with such an experience. Emptiness, though, it doesn't sit well with our crew. Not for a second."
"How did you make it go away?" She asks as she dutifully slices the bread into smaller, and smaller sections.
"I tried a lot of things. Hate, and vengeance didn't apply salve to any of my wounds. Gentleness wasn't enough to cover the burning rage that cropped up between those episodes of emptiness. The thing about emptiness is that there is no magic cure to make it go away. The only cure is to shrink it until it doesn't consume you," He explains to her as he works at the kitchen island with his back to her.
"Dave?"
"Yes, Emily?" He glances at her over his shoulder.
"Did J.J. take my firearms?"
"She did."
"And Luke took my keys?"
"For today," he nods in confirmation.
She puts the knife down, and shifts in his direction. At the same time, he wipes his hands on a dish towel, and leans against the island. He looks at her weary expression.
"I'm not sure I can go back. I want to pretend that I can pick right back up where I left off. I would love to convince even myself that this didn't shove me in a really dark direction. This time more than any of the others. Because at the end of the day, I have to wonder how many times my actions could have contributed to the character development of a villain."
"You weren't responsible for any of this. If anyone bears responsibility, it's me. I should have been in that chair, instead of you."
"Why was it decided that I should be thrust into the middle of a conspiracy?"
"Because you keep the team together. You are lead us in such a way that prevents any of us from going off the rails too far."
"But I crossed lines this time. I feel like I was the one who was profiled, and manipulated."
"Because we all were. "
"To what end?"
"If the seed of doubt in your mind blooms the BAU won't be able to withstand the test of time. That is the true endgame. If no one is there to apply safeguards evil prevails. Without you at the helm, eventually it all falls apart."
She nods with tears in her eyes. He hugs her to his side. After a few moments she lets go.
"I should probably actually go to therapy today, shouldn't I?"
"We're going to have a fabulous lunch, and you're going to be on a full tank to go."