"-and so, to get our answer, we simply take the previous number and-...oh, sorry class, I went on for a bit too long, we'll pick up on this tomorrow. Class dismissed."
A cacophony of cheers filled the classroom followed by a stampede of footsteps as they all took their exit. I let out a sigh of relief as the noise died down.
"Sorry for not involving you too much in that lesson, Hisako."
"It's fine, Keine. Math was never my strong suit to begin with."
"Well alright. But before you go, are you busy today by any chance?"
"Hm? No, I can't say I am."
"Would you like to go somewhere with me then?"
"Okay, where to?"
The two of us had gone to a local restaurant in the village to my surprise, I wasn't sure why. I haven't exactly been taken out to eat with anyone other than my parents. I decided to ask Keine upfront what her intentions were soon after we ordered our food.
"So, Keine?"
"Yes? What is it?" She answers with a curious look.
"Any reason for all this?"
"I don't believe I follow."
"You know, taking me out to someplace like this out of the blue."
She smiles at me and chuckles softly. "Fufu~, is it really so strange?"
"Um, it's not that, it's well…" I trip up over my words, awkwardly looking down at the table between us. "You're the first person outside of my family that has invited me out like this."
"Ah, I see." I glance up at her. Her eyes held a warmth reminiscent of what I used to see from my mother. She looked as if she wanted to ask why, but chose not to. "I invited you out like this because I wished to express my gratitude to you."
"Have I really done anything worthy of such?"
"Yes, you have. I appreciate your help with my lessons, my students seem more engaged in them than when I was teaching alone. Were you perhaps a teacher yourself in the outside world?"
"Oh, no no, I wasn't." I lean back in my seat and take a distant glance out the window. "I used to want to be one as a child though."
"How interesting, what sparked this desire?"
"Well…" Now that I think about it, was there ever a deeper reason for it? Maybe- "...I just wanted to leave an impact on someone's life, I suppose. Bit of a selfish reason looking back on it."
"Even so, I think teaching is a noble profession. Being able to nurture and guide the next generation is a fulfilling process. The satisfaction I get in observing their growth...is something I cannot quantify. Perhaps this is akin to how a parent feels watching their child grow." Keine smiled to herself at that last line, and I couldn't help but smile as well. She seemed to radiate with passion for her role.
"Such an earnest way to look at it. I wish I had someone like you when I was younger, perhaps things would have…" I glance back down at the table, my words trailing off. Would things have turned out differently for me if that were the case? It doesn't change the fact I'm stuck in this body of mine. If only I weren't like this.
If only I-
"Hisako?" Keine's voice pulls me out of that spiral of thought.
"Keine, I-"
"You don't have to tell me, I can tell it hurts you deeply."
"No, it's fine." I wave off Keine's concern and fold my hands onto the table. "I've just felt so…useless, most of my life. Unable to even take care of myself without struggling. When I see the smiles and laughter of your students, all I feel in the back of my mind is envy." My nails dug into my hands as I clenched them. "They seem so free, being able to enjoy their lives in the moment and dream about their futures. But I…I never had the opportunity to be like them. I was stuck watching them from afar my whole life, yearning to experience an ounce of what they had."
The unending storm of repressed emotions weighed down on me. The only way I could express it was a bitter smile. "Someone who thinks like that…is unsuited to guide the next generation, wouldn't you agree?"
Silence.
Keine simply stared back pondering my words. I contemplated whether I should have kept my mouth shut about this. A wry laugh escapes my throat.
"Sorry-"
"Hisako." Keine's voice made me flinch, and I looked back at her with apprehension. "I'm not going to pretend as though I understand how you feel. But...how much of that do you really believe?" Her gaze seems to pierce right through me and I shrink back in my seat.
"What…are you trying to say?"
"You don't seem as bitter nor resentful as you claim to be. Rather, you seem akin to that of a lost child."
"Meaning?"
"Don't take this the wrong way Hisako, but you remind me of some students I've taught in the past. The way they carried themselves, how they were never sure of themselves and filled with self-doubt. I've seen it enough times to recognize it in you." Keine delivered her sentiment in a non-degrading, sincere manner.
I couldn't find it in me to deny her words, yet it hurt me to be pitied once more. "Perhaps you're right. But I'm no student of yours, Keine."
"That you aren't. But it's a teacher's role to guide others, is it not?"
"Pft, you never turn off that side of yourself, do you?" I chuckle and feel my lips curl up into a smile.
"Only when someone within reach needs it." She smiles back at me.
"Very well then, sensei. What do you suggest I do then?"
"Hmm…You can start with looking at what's around you, rather than within yourself."
Hina's words from when we parted that night echoed in my mind. "I'll give it a try."
"Good." She nods at me. "If you ever feel you've lost your way again, come find me. My doors are always open to you."
"Thanks, Keine."
As if on cue, the waitress with our orders arrived. The two of us enjoyed our meal together, and I left with a lighter heart.
Author's Note:
The more I write, the more attached I become to Hisako. Which is not a good thing considering the premise of this story. I suppose I'll have to postpone her expiration date for just a bit longer.
The chapter was actually a lot longer than it is now but I decided to cut the latter half and release it later.
Anyways, story isn't dead just yet, got busy with irl stuff and whatnot. Thanks again for reading.