Chapter 7 Koopas With Integrity

Iggy didn't want the kidnapping mission to start as much as the next koopa… but where were Bowser, Larry, and Roy? Seriously, how long does fetching one's brother take? It shouldn't take long! Granted, the fact that it was Roy… going to get Larry… yeah, that was a recipe for disaster. If one wasn't concerned with Bowser's choice to make the Terrible Two unite with each other, then they clearly weren't all there in the head.

Voicing that opinion to his siblings revealed to Iggy that all the other Koopalings felt the same way. And now, as the five of them waited in the airship's cabin, they were pressing bets with each other of how long it was going to take for things to go wrong.

"I think they're gonna try to get out of it," said Lemmy.

"Duh! Of course, they're gonna try to get out of it!" said Ludwig. He sighed and shook his head. "Unfortunately, those bozos don't have enough brain cells between the two of them to think about a good way to do it."

"HA!" All the Koopalings turned toward Iggy, who chuckled. "If we were talking solely about to Roy, I would agree. But Larry shouldn't be underestimated in the intelligence field."

Ludwig blinked. "Larry? You think Larry is smart? Larry's an idiot!"

"The only reason you see him that way is because he has carefully calculated every move to help sell that persona." Iggy smirked. "Trust me; I conducted an IQ test on him about a year ago. He's smart. He just doesn't use his brains in the right way." Iggy laughed. "He's not like me."

Morton snorted. "If he was like you, everyone in the castle would be in danger."

Ludwig frowned as everyone else laughed. "Well, it doesn't matter if he's smart or not. He can't get out of this!" Ludwig stood up to his full height, puffing out his chest and holding his head up high. "Neither one of them can get out of this; they just…"

At that point, the door to the cabin opened. All the other Koopalings turned toward Bowser, whose entire body shook as he closed the door behind him. Iggy raised an eyebrow, especially at the noticeable absence of their brothers.

"Bowser? Is everything okay?"

Bowser shook his head. "No. No no no." He put his hand to his chest and wiped his brow. Everyone exchanged a look, almost everyone of them having a raised eyebrow.

Wendy was the first person to step forward. "Bowser?" Her brow was furrowed. "Bowser, what's going on? Is everything okay? Where are Larry and Roy?"

Bowser wiped more sweat off his brow. "Uh… Larry and Roy won't be coming on the mission…" Iggy did a double take. Right before he was about to express his disbelief was when Bowser said something even less believable. "They… they're sick with the plague."

Iggy's jaw dropped. "Wait, what?" He stepped forward. "As in the bubonic plague? The profoundly contagious, dangerous disease caused by the Yersinia pestis bacterium? THAT plague?"

"Yep." Bowser sniffled. "That plague."

The five Koopalings exchanged looks before bursting into laughter. Iggy couldn't remember the last time he had heard something this ridiculous, something so blatantly bullshit.

"Guys, stop!" Bowser shouted as his face turned red. "It's not funny!"

"It's not possible is what it is!" Iggy said as he wiped a tear from his eye and looked Bowser right in the eye. "You seriously believe that they both… not one of them, BOTH of them contracted the plague in the ten-minute window Roy took to try and locate Larry?"

"Look, I know it sounds unbelievable, but trust me! They have the plague!" Worry showed through Bowser's eyes. "You guys should've seen them; they were covered in sores! What could that be aside from the plague?"

"I dunno; maybe an elaborate prank?" Ludwig mumbled under his breath.

"So, they're not going on the mission," Bowser said. "They need to rest and get some medication in them. They're in no shape to fight."

Lemmy wore a hopeful expression. "Ooh. Okay, so… can the rest of us not go on the mission either? I mean, what's the point of going through with it if the seven of us aren't all doing it together?"

Iggy hid his grin; that was a good point to address. Any logical person worth their salt would undoubtedly see the value in that suggestion. Which was why Iggy immediately realized that Bowser wasn't going to listen to it. That realization was only driven further into the ground when Bowser laughed.

"What? Are you crazy? Your brothers being sick is bad, but we can't lose sight of what's really important." Bowser started walking toward the stairs that would take him to the airship deck. "We're doing this mission! We all worked hard to prepare for it; I'm sure we can pull it off even with less of us actively on the battlefield."

Iggy's jaw dropped. He watched as Bowser went up to the deck, all while trying to comprehend Bowser's thought process. What level of delusional did a person have to be? What leaps in logic were required to get to these conclusions? How STUPID could Bowser possibly be? Iggy had low expectations for him and he was STILL baffled and disappointed.

"Unbelievable," Wendy said. "Unbelievable!"

Morton reached into his hammerspace. "Well." He pulled out a red marker. "Might as well give this plan a try."

Ludwig raised an eyebrow as he uncapped the marker and started drawing on his skin. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"Giving myself chicken pox."

Iggy turned to him with a glare. "You can't be serious."

Lemmy blinked. "You think that'll work?"

"Hey, apparently Bowser's gullible enough to fall for any fake disease." Morton moved on from marking his left arm to his right. "Honestly, if I had known it was this easy, I would've done it before." He handed the marker to Ludwig. "Ludwig, can you get the back of my arms and legs?"

Iggy snatched the marker from Morton before Ludwig could take it. "We're NOT sinking that low! NONE of us are sinking that low! We do not need to follow in the footsteps of those two buffoons!"

Ludwig snorted. "So much for Larry being smart…"

Iggy glared at him again before turning back to the others. "Look at it this way, guys. Larry and Roy may have won this battle, but that doesn't mean they're gonna get off scot-free. Bowser is going to find out they aren't sick with the plague. Do you wanna know how? Because the black plague kills you. It kills you quickly and thoroughly! When Bowser comes home and sees that Larry and Roy are right as rain, then he's going to figure out that they tricked him and scorch their behinds!"

Wendy chuckled. "And when that happens, the two of them are gonna wish they're dead."

"Exactly!" Iggy looked back at everyone. "Do you really want to get punished right along with them? Would you really like to not be able to sit down for the better part of the next few months? Well, I certainly don't. I don't like the kidnapping missions either, but I would prefer them over being on the receiving end of Bowser's anger." His face softened a little bit. "As well as his disappointment."

The others Koopalings drew back and looked at the floor. "Yeah," said Wendy. "It's never fun seeing Bowser disappointed." She frowned. "Kinda hurts more than being beaten by Mario, honestly."

Ludwig snickered. "And that's how he's able to keep us all on a leash. I finally figured it out."

"True," said Iggy. "I won't deny that point, Ludwig, but the truth remains. We're doing this mission." He looked as serious as the disease Larry and Roy were attempting to fake. "We're not liars. We don't disappoint our father. We're better than that. The Koopalings are better than that. In fact, I would even go so far as to say Larry and Roy are better than that too."

Lemmy smirked. "They just need to be reminded of that fact."

"Exactly!" Iggy chuckled. "And oh ho, believe me! They will be! They. Will. Be."

Once that was said, the engine of the airship roared to life. Iggy and his four other siblings collectively let out a breath before going up to join Bowser on the deck.

…

"So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! Good night!" Larry sang as he and Roy watched the airship leave the castle from the window of Larry's bedroom. The grin on Larry's face did not belong on the face of someone with the plague, but… eh, that was kinda the point, wasn't it?

"Man," Roy said once the airship disappeared over the horizon line. He gave Larry a grin of his own and ruffled his hair. "You did it, little bro. You did the impossible. You deserve a place in the Hall of Fame."

Larry chuckled. "Yeah, I do, don't I?" He laughed some more as he walked away from the window and took a seat on the bed. "I dared to go where no koopa has ever gone before."

Roy blinked. "Outer space?"

"Nope. Better."

Roy's jaw dropped. "There's a place that's better than outer space?"

"Oh yeah!" Larry kicked his feet up on top of head board, a practice that Bowser would NOT approve of he knew what he was doing. "SO much better!"

"Uh, dude! It's frigging outer space! There's no such thing as better than that! It's the biggest, beautifullest place in the universe! You know why? Cause it IS the universe!"

Larry just chuckled and shook his head. "That's why I set my sights outside of the universe. You see Roy Ole Boy, the place I dared to go is this lovely, quiet little place. You may have heard of it, it's called… Heaven."

"Heaven?" Slowly, Roy began to wrap his head around things. "Oh! I see what you're getting at!" He laughed as Larry nodded at him with a satisfied, smug expression. "Staying in the castle instead of having to deal with the kidnapping mission is definitely a form of Heaven."

"It's the best form of Heaven! It's the place in Heaven that only the most saintly people get to reside!" Larry leaned back right as his fake plague sores began to fade away. "Which is why I'm going to take full advantage of it!"

Roy snickered. "I don't blame you; if I actually went to Heaven, I'd definitely want to get my money's worth." It was only once he said that that Roy realized something. "Although…" his face fell. "Based on the fact that we lied straight to our dad's face, I think we'd be more deserving of Hell than Heaven." His eyes grew wide. "Oh man, and that's exactly what we're gonna get once Bowser comes back! Isn't it?" He began hyperventilating. "Oh man, we screwed up! We screwed up big time!"

Larry waved his hand. "Roy, calm down! We'll be fine!"

"No! We won't! You know what Bowser's like when he's mad!" Roy cast Larry a worried gaze. "He's gonna kill us! He's gonna roast us like turkeys and then eat us during a feast!"

Larry frowned. "Hmm. You know what? You may be right about that." Larry looked into Roy's eyes. "Which is why we're gonna do what you said you want to do in Heaven while we're here."

Roy blinked. "Really? What's that?"

Larry's eyes sparkled, and the grin returned to his face bigger and brighter than ever before. "Get our money's worth."