Zenith: Tsumi

by Shapooda

3 months after the end of Zenith, Ichigo is trying to get back into normalcy, (whatever counts for normal for a demigod) and he accidentally unleashes a hell of a problem. Grimmichi

3. Jealousy

Notes:

Check the tags fam, I changed them.Sorry for the huge wait, I hope this makes up for it ~

And Uhhhh so it's gay now, sorry if you're not into it, but it's just a lot of gay feels everywhere

Jealousy

- xxx -

Kurosaki Ichigo

The trio were perched on a rooftop right outside the blocky waves of downtown skyscrapers. Some business district with cracked pavement and old telephone poles, their wires bunched up like a rats nest.

The shinigami the trio were stalking had already konso'd three souls; of which Ichigo had watched very carefully. The souls had nowhere to go, and thus were trapped in transition, something he thought he might be able to manually force, but he didn't want to accidentally destroy the soul, so Ichigo let them be. Grace was not his middle name.

After a couple of hours, the shinigami they were tailing finally ran into a hollow, and after watching this guy just walk around and talk for hours, Ichigo was grateful and ready for some excitement.

Although, Calling what they witnessed a 'fight' would have been generous.

The shinigami moved like fresh blood, not comfortable with a sword and wielding it more like a baseball bat than a weapon. Frankly, it was embarrassing, and from the faint blush dusting Rukia's cheeks, she was angry enough about this shinigami's performance to concur.

Grimmjow drawled, "I ain't a nice guy..."

Rukia snorted.

"...but watching this guy struggle makes me feel like some sort of sadist."

Ichigo looked at him, arms folded from where he was leaning. "You're not?" He looked back down over the edge of the building. "Oh."

"The fuck, Kurosaki? If anyone's a sadist, it's you."

Zangetsu absently offered up a correction. 'Masochist.'

'I didn't ask your opinion.'

"Like that's going to stop me."

Ichigo pretended to think about it. "You're right, you're just violent." He watched the shinigami clumsily dodge a sideswipe and corrected, "I'm selectively sadistic."

Weighing his answer, Grimmjow nodded and said, "That's fair."

"Shouldn't we help him?" Rukia asked. She was standing on the edge of the building, too short for a view over the railing without a perch, something Grimmjow had spent the better part of the day mocking her for. Judging from her tone, she was just about done with the second hand cringe.

"Nah," Ichigo said. "He won't learn if he doesn't struggle a little." The shinigami got hit with a tail, skidding a hundred yards across a parking lot into a pole. The guy got up without too much of a hassle and Ichigo gestured like this was proof and said, "See? He's sturdy."

Grimmjow watched the shinigami with a look that managed to be both bored and disgust and said, "If all shinigami are this pathetic, then you really are nothing but glorified janitors."

Rukia's head whipped back and she snapped, "What was that?! By that logic hollows are just oversized rats."

Grimmjow didn't let it get to him, smirking. "Then shinigami are janitors and vultures."

Ichigo's heart wasn't fully in it when he chastised them. "Both of you shut up, he's going to notice us." Thy name was not 'stealth', especially when they were bored.

"Good," Grimmjow said, "This is dull."

"You think anything that doesn't start with your sword in your hand is dull." Ichigo pointed out.

"Lewd," Rukia said.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I was being literal."

Grimmjow barked, "Ha. I don't even have a sword in resurreccion."

"Start with," Ichigo said.

Rukia scoffed and shrugged. "If it still ends with you on your back, I don't see the difference."

Ichigo's eyes snapped to Grimmjow in curiosity, but his response was predictable. "Fuck you," Grimmjow drawled lazily. She wasn't really wrong, so the Espada changed the subject. "So what are the odds we run across Hell anyways?"

Rukia and Ichigo shared a look, and Ichigo admitted, "I've only seen the gates of Hell once." His eyes flicked to Rukia. "And I was with her."

Rukia frowned and said, "That was the first time I'd seen them as well."

Grimmjow stared at them in outraged disbelief, then recovered into his usual distemper. "You can't be serious. So we go through all this and it might be a massive waste of time?"

Ichigo watched the shinigami fighting down below them backpedal into a parked car. He thanked their lucky stars the alarm didn't go off. He said, "You know what, Rukia, save this guy. He might be more inclined to trust us after that."

"Gladly," she said. She straightened and blurred into shunpo.

"What about me?" Grimmjow asked.

Ichigo rolled his head over to look at him and replied, "What about you?"

The Espada seethed in annoyance and grumbled, "My potential is wasted."

Grimmjow wasn't far off the mark, and Ichigo had some mercy on him. "Patience, Grimmjow. These shinigami haven't ever seen an arrancar before, and Rukia looks friendly."

The Espada decided that was a compliment.

Ichigo watched Rukia dispatch the hollow with casual ease, watching the hollow dissipate into reishi. He felt it sink back into the primordial energy he was inextricably tied to in the same way he might feel the wind tease his hair; it was there, but distant and unthreatening, so it was easy to ignore.

Instead of seeping between the spaces between worlds, it gathered, just one more soul saturating the air. It was merely a reminder that repairing that instability was important and necessary.

One thing at a time.

Rukia approached the tired shinigami with the friendly ease of a coworker, sheathing her sword as she did. Ichigo wasn't sure what was said, but it looked like he recognized her, and he had no reason to fear another shinigami, so he sheathed his sword, immediately relaxed. She gestured, small, conservative motions, then broadly, telling what looked to be a very animated story.

Rukia gestured in his direction, and the shinigami nodded, arms crossed in contemplation. Rukia turned and made eye contact with Ichigo, raising her hand in a small wave. He knew he wasn't visible from that distance, not in the shadows, so his position was compromised, but not his appearance. The eye contact were merely proof that Rukia knew just how to take advantage of her connection to his soul.

"Go," Ichigo said.

It might be an order, but it was a simple one, and one Grimmjow wanted to follow.

The Espada stepped into sonido, clearly reappearing a bit too close for comfort for the shinigami, because the stranger tripped back and scrambled to draw his sword.

Grimmjow laughed, Ichigo saw it in the shake of his shoulders and he could hear it bounce off the pavement, raucous and patronizing. It had been awhile since the arrancar could make an impression, and as much as Ichigo enjoyed the sound, it wasn't settling the shinigami's nerves any.

Rukia said something to Grimmjow, but it was too little, too late, and the shinigami attacked. Grimmjow blocked with a raised arm and a bark of laughter.

Fidgeting, Ichigo muttered, "Reel it in, Grimmjow. Come on."

The shinigami tried again, but he was even less effective than before. Grimmjow caught his sword and took it from him. Great.

The shinigami decided this was a good chance to run, which was about the worst thing he could have done. Ichigo didn't think Grimmjow could resist chasing when something ran, all it did was rile him up. Grimmjow buzzed into sonido to cut him off and Rukia stepped into shunpo at the same moment, putting herself between them.

Ichigo ground his teeth, wondering if he shouldn't intervene. He didn't want to give this guy a heart attack, so he waited, but Rukia didn't know how to wrangle a cat, Grimmjow was a slippery bastard, he already had his hand on the shinigami. Ichigo felt bad for the guy, it was like watching a cat batter a mouse, and this was quickly devolving into chaos.

'That's it, I'm intervening.'

"Why? This is the most amusing thing I've seen all day."

'You just answered your own question.'

Pushing away from the wall with a disappointed exhale, Ichigo stepped through la sangre to the parking lot. It wasn't intentional, but that was enough for the trio to freeze, all eyes on him. He didn't mean to command all of their attention, but it seemed inevitable.

Grimmjow was holding the man a foot and a half off the ground, Rukia was handing off his bicep like a monkey, and the shinigami was poised to kick Grimmjow in the balls. "That's enough of that," Ichigo said.

Raising his hand, Ichigo could sense the tightly wound cluster of souls that made up the shinigami's zanpakuto lying wedged somewhere under a car tire. Pulling it through la sangre, the blade fell the couple of inches from la sangre into his open palm.

Eyes flicking to his conduit, Ichigo ordered, "Put the man down, Grimmjow."

Grimmjow gave him an annoyed scowl, then loosened his fist and the man fell on his ass. Good enough. Ichigo paced over to him, and he honestly hoped he wasn't as scary as this guy seemed to think he was. Telling him to relax wasn't going to do a damn thing.

Holding his Zanpakuto out to him hilt first, the shinigami shakily accepted it. He held it out before him defensively. Ichigo could see the shiver in the blade as the shinigami trembled and he tried not to sigh. Ichigo held his hand down to him and the shinigami blinked at it, uncomprehending.

"He's offering you a hand up, ya rude asshole," Grimmjow said.

Ichigo shot Grimmjow a disapproving look, then looked back down at the shinigami. "I'm not gonna hurt you, promise."

Rukia nodded and told the shinigami. "See, I told you he looked scary."

Both Ichigo and the shinigami's eyes snapped to Rukia. Ichigo frowned, "You told him that?"

She gave him a helpless look and crossed her arms "Was I supposed to lie?"

Grimmjow scoffed. "He doesn't look scary, he is scary, you're doin' him a disservice."

Ichigo rolled his eyes, and he figured this shinigami had never seen a hollow that was about to eat him do that, because he finally took his hand. Ichigo pulled him to his feet with ease and immediately gave him some space. It might not mean much practically, but he liked to think he was thoughtful.

The shinigami lowered his sword but didn't sheathe it, looking from a scowling, antsy Grimmjow, back to him. "You're Kurosaki?"

"Yes," Ichigo answered.

For a moment it seemed the shinigami struggled to say what was on his mind. "What are you?"

Grimmjow answered for Ichigo. "A fucking demigod, so put the sword away, you're embarrassing yourself."

The shinigami looked confused, mostly. Ichigo resisted the urge to sigh and shot Grimmjow a chiding look.

"What?" Grimmjow snapped. "He couldn't cut you with that thing if you had one foot in the grave and were in a coma."

Grimmjow was right but it was still rude. "Look, I just want to send you to Soul Society."

The man's eyes widened. "But the senkai-"

"He's the senkaimon," Grimmjow interrupted. "So let's get on with it, there's a lot of you fuckers."

The man frowned and eyed Ichigo warily. His eyes returned to Rukia, the only one present that he recognized. She said, "He's telling the truth."

A bit of back and forth later, and Ichigo tapped the shinigami on the chest, sending him directly to soul society. He didn't need to touch him, but it certainly made people feel better to assume that he did.

Half a day and four shinigami later, the trio were down to a system. Even if Ichigo could go a long stretch without sleeping, because of Alteza or not, Rukia and Grimmjow still needed sleep and food.

Ichigo thought it creeped Rukia out a bit that he didn't need to eat. She wouldn't say it but the look on her face was easy enough to read. He was different, and reminders of that we're always a stumbling point for her, and he couldn't blame her, he could relate to that; there was hardly a person he knew that was unchanged from his time.

Ichigo could have brought them back to Soul Society to sleep, but after a small argument and a tiny meltdown from Grimmjow, Ichigo caved. Hijacking an empty hotel room in a city he'd never visited before was a new experience, but they were souls, no one would be the wiser.

Rukia took a bed, sprawled out like a starfish, and was out like a light. She had an absurd amount of trust in him, but he knew it was also because she worked too hard.

He could pretend not to notice the dark smudges under her eyes, the clench of her jaw and the tension in her shoulders, and in return she pretended not to notice when he moved too quickly, forgot to blink, or stared off into space. It was a silent agreement to convince themselves things were as they used to be.

The chaos of his thoughts were juxtaposed by the soft whisper of her breath and the peaceful hum of her reiatsu. He felt Grimmjow's eyes on him, the presence of his soul expectant, whereas Rukia's was not. Ichigo didn't want to be there anymore, so he left her in the dark of the room.

Sliding open the door, Ichigo stepped outside onto a balcony overlooking a sea of warm lights and the murmur of a culture he didn't even recognize. It didn't matter where he was; it could have been Karakura and it would have felt just as removed.

Grimmjow caught his mood as he often did those days, following him onto the balcony. His conduit stepped up beside him, crossing his arms and leaning on the rail. Ichigo knew disapproval would only be met with stubborn resistance, but he tried anyways. "Sleep, Grimmjow."

He didn't give an answer or leave. Ichigo should have expected as much, Grimmjow never did what he wanted, and that was sometimes frustrating, but never unwelcome.

The wind was cold and heavy with the salt of the sea, a scent that seemed to stir something in Grimmjow. Nostalgia, pain, longing, yet the conduit seemed determined not to acknowledge it.

Grimmjow asked, "Why here?"

"No reason," Ichigo said. Then he realized that was a lie. "It isn't Karakura."

Grimmjow eyed him and said, "You've been weird ever since we got here."

"To the hotel?"

"No, dumbass, living world."

Oh. Ichigo looked across at him, and Grimmjow looked back, his usual scowl softened with uncertainty. Ichigo thought he hid his feelings well enough, and despite that, Grimmjow knew.

They spent enough time together, it was inevitable, and he had access to his soul. Ichigo knew from experience that it didn't help him understand people when you had glimpses into their soul. People were complex things with context and thought he just didn't have access to. The same went for Grimmjow. His fraccion felt the things he tried to hide, but why he felt them and what caused them was still mostly a mystery to the other.

From the look Grimmjow gave him, his fraccion could only guess, but was concerned enough to ask.

Ichigo answered, skirting the truth. "It's just weird to be... here."

"The hotel," Grimmjow said. Ichigo shot him a glare, and Grimmjow pretended not to know what it was for.

Letting out a heavy breath, Ichigo scowled down at the city. "It's just strange...to exist outside all this."

"Yeah, being dead sucks."

"You know what I mean," Ichigo said.

"You were alive, human, you're not so special," Grimmjow growled.

Were. Past tense. That shouldn't bother him so much but it did. "You're trying to make me feel better," Ichigo said.

Grimmjow drummed his fingers on the railing and leaning forward, his restlessness transferring to his foot. He lifted and dropped it, bouncing his toes in a steady rhythm. "Even with die Konigin?"

"Especially with die Konigin," Ichigo answered. "The temptation is there, from all of them." The God's pushed and pulled and yearned, and Ichigo was just one soul. How long before he lost that battle? How long before people were nothing but souls and power?

"I thought we fixed this?" Grimmjow sounded angry, but Ichigo sensed his worry buried within it.

"Postponed," Ichigo corrected. "It's only been weeks, and living world already feels unfamiliar."

"I don't know what that means, Kurosaki."

"Cities, streets, beds, noise, people…it's just a window into a life I can't have." Shouldn't have.

For a long moment, Grimmjow just watched him, then he asked, "What's your screeching twin have to say about this?"

Ichigo hadn't considered how silent Zangetsu had been until that moment.

"Koneko can mind his own fucking business."

Ichigo answered easily, "He isn't saying anything."

Grimmjow got a hand around his shoulder and turned him around to face him. "You're hiding things from me again."

"It isn't your problem."

Grimmjow's eyes narrowed a touch, and Ichigo saw that those words actually hurt him. Ichigo hoped the arrancar would back off and internalize, but he stayed put, annoyingly aware of Ichigo's intentions.

Grimmjow said, "Don't think I don't see the way you look at things."

Ichigo could only assume what he meant, but none of it was positive. "What do you mean?"

"You barely blink, you hardly even move." Ichigo looked away, and Grimmjow growled, "It ain't an insult, it's an observation. Yer one distracted guy, and fuck me if I don't know why."

He sounded so distraught, Ichigo had to look back. Grimmjow's brows were drawn into his usual scowl, features always so severe, yet now they were dampened with fatigue. Every day that passed he seemed a little more tired, a little more restless.

The Conduit was strong, but Ichigo knew how fragile his spiritual form really was. Grimmjow still needed to eat, still needed to sleep, he was mortal. One touch, and Ichigo knew he could kill him, and that was a thought that turned his stomach and filled him with dread.

Ichigo answered Grimmjow's unspoken questions with half of the truth. "You already know why, Grimmjow. It's same conflict as usual. The God's want, and I won't let them take."

"Then what is it about living world?"

"It's nauseating to look at someone and see nothing but energy to consume or destroy. The God's are indifferent." He looked back at the city, hiding an expression he knew would betray him. "I'm not."

Grimmjow regarded him, silent, working out all the things he couldn't or wouldn't say. "Is it because they're human?"

"It's because they're weak," Ichigo hissed. Inviting Sunyata deeper into his soul, it rushed over that spark of anger and snuffed it under a pool of fuzzy indifference. Too much, too much, too much. His grip loosened, allowing die Konigin to take its place. The slide from indifference into ardent emotion was sickening, his breath leaving his lungs in soft sigh of pain.

He could feel Grimmjow's eyes boring into him, so he shifted the conversation back onto the conduit. "You call yourself many things, Grimmjow, but you aren't evil."

The Conduit snorted. "Debatable."

"Would you kill a kitten?"

Suspicion entered Grimmjow's voice, sensing a trap. "Where are you going with this?"

"Would you?" Ichigo pressed.

"Shit, Kurosaki, why?"

"Don't pretend, I know you wouldn't."

"I'm not an executioner, what the fuck?"

"And there's the difference. Some part of me wants to kill them." Ichigo's voice fell, small and broken. "And it would be easy."

Looking back towards the arrancar, Grimmjow had pushed back from the railing, shoulders squared and tense, frowning at him. Ichigo didn't like that look, so he looked back at wavering city lights, and a sea full of souls. "No...I don't like it here."

"Kurosaki…" The arrancar's voice tilted downward, a sound that made Ichigo's chest tight with shame.

"Pity," Ichigo snarled, "now?"

Grimmjow grabbed his shoulder, shoving him around and back against the railing. Zangetsu's edge ground against the stone through the wrap, but Ichigo didn't move. The arrancar leaned in, more than aware Ichigo was letting this happen. "What the fuck am I here for if not to fix this shit?"

"You can't fix it."

"I can fucking try," Grimmjow hissed.

Ichigo started to look away, but Grimmjow's grip on his chin stopped him. "Don't look at them. Look at me."

So he looked. The obsidian lines of his mask were traced in soft golden light, outlining both of their regrets. His eyes were no better; la sangre darkened his sclera and made him look so much like the adjuchas he'd seen in his inner world. Pantera.

Looking beneath flesh and bones to his soul, Alteza was slowly and steadily carving him out, eating him alive to protect it's precious host. Ichigo's anger collapsed and left him empty. He didn't even need Sunyata.

Grimmjow said, "I don't like that look either."

Ichigo had no doubt about that, Grimmjow's soul was tumultuous at best, but if he listened to it, it ached. Much of it was his fault, by direct and indirect consequence. Ichigo said, "If I take any more from you there won't be anything left."

"I can take it," Grimmjow insisted.

Ichigo sighed through his nose and reached for his chest, his fingertips resting over his heart. A heart Grimmjow liked to pretend he didn't have. "If I keep taking, the things that make you you won't be there any more."

"You don't know that."

"I do, better than you." Ichigo countered. He let his hand fall and he watched the arrancar, unblinking. Grimmjow's hand slipped from his chin to his neck, his thumb resting over the hollow of his throat. Ichigo noted the proximity didn't bother him, and he didn't think it was because Grimmjow couldn't physically harm him.

For whatever reason, Grimmjow tested his tolerance to his touch, his fingers hovering featherlight over the pulse of an artery. Even if he couldn't hurt him, the arrancar knew well enough that should garner some sort of response. Yet Ichigo didn't move; if there was one person he trusted inside and out, it was this hollow. His hollow.

Ichigo noted something entirely inconsequential. "I always forget you're taller than me."

Grimmjow laughed, the sound strained, but genuine, and he dropped his hand. "Changing the subject?"

Lips quirking up into a small grin, Ichigo said, "Maybe."

Grimmjow wasn't kind enough to let the subject change, not this time. "If you won't let me do something about it, then talk to me, something, but this…distance, silence, detachment..." The humor fell from his face and his voice fell. "This is unbearable."

That surprised Ichigo, he didn't expect Grimmjow to be so...distressed. He sensed Grimmjow's disquiet, but he assumed it was for entirely different reasons. Ichigo answered, "You're already doing something; you're here." With Grimmjow's soul clutched within Alteza's grasp, he never felt far away, but his presence there beside him had become familiar and expected. He'd once been used to being alone, but that time had come and gone, now the arrancar felt like home.

Grimmjow griped, "I'm not doing anything."

"I know that's difficult for you to understand, but it's enough." Not only difficult, potentially impossible. Ichigo wouldn't be happy sitting on his hands, so he reasoned, neither would Grimmjow.

"You're happy with this?"

"Happy?" Ichigo thought about that. Happiness seems elusive, but it was present, merely overwhelmed by responsibility and the clamor of God's. He answered, "Happier than I thought I could be."

Grimmjow looked skeptical, so he elaborated. "I don't need to tell you about loneliness, you know it better than I ever did." He trailed off, uncertain how to continue. "You're...here."

"You won't let anyone else close, I'm nothing special."

Ichigo barked out a laugh. "It's not because I won't let anyone else stay. You know why I let you close."

"Cause better some hollow than your family?"

"Grimmjow, you know that's not it, why do you do that?"

"Do fucking what?" Grimmjow snarled.

There it was, the Alteza fueled rabid want for violence. He'd kept it beaten down well enough, Ichigo was impressed. "Try to get a rise out of me."

Grimmjow shouted, "Cause I can't get," Ichigo whirled, grabbing a fistful of Grimmjow's jacket and pushed them both through la sangre, "anything else out of you!" They were on the roof, far away enough not to wake Rukia, if she wasn't already awake. "I feel what you're doing, don't think I don't."

Ichigo blinked at him, honestly unsure what he meant. Grimmjow's face sharpened into a grimace. "I felt it with Gin, and I feel it now."

Ichigo let him go, taking a small step back, but Grimmjow stepped in close again. "Before it was anger, it was a hell of a lot of Alteza, but now it's gone. Poof, gone, but I still wanna kill everything that walks across my path, Alteza ain't gone. Nothing is that easy, especially not with you."

"What are you accusing one of?" Ichigo asked.

Grimmjow ignored that in favor of a question. "So which God is it?"

Ichigo was silent, so Grimmjow started to guess. "Die Konigin?" He searched Ichigo's reaction, and his eyes narrowed. "Nah, that thing only makes it worse. Sunyata then."

Ichigo frowned, resisting the urge to look away now that he'd been found out. He wasn't proud if it, he didn't want anyone to know. Rukia was none the wiser but Grimmjow...Grimmjow knew him, knew this peaceful facade was just that; a facade.

"I can't afford to lose control," Ichigo said, "Not here."

"You mean you can't afford to feel."

Ichigo flinched, struggling to hold Grimmjow's accusatory glare. He deflected, "Is there a difference? The two aren't mutually exclusive."

"Maybe I wanna be selfish!" Grimmjow shouted.

Selfish. Ichigo didn't follow, his brows creased in thought, but Grimmjow wasn't done. "If I'm stuck dying a slow death, I'm not gonna waste the time I've got with this, this watered down version of you, not for a minute longer than I have to. Get mad, get upset; I hate this."

Ichigo tensed at the disgust wrapped around that word; hate. He felt it in the ugly twist of his words and the heat in his eyes. Grimmjow might not have come out and said it, but he loathed him as he was, despised it, and Ichigo felt a stab of shame, even through Sunyata's haze.

Grimmjow noticed that shame, and with blood in the water he didn't relent. "The fuck am I here for if not to take it so you don't have to."

Ichigo brows fell, the look in his eyes hardening. And if you're not enough. The thought lingered between them within a heavy cloud of doubt.

Grimmjow got even closer, painfully so. "You're scared."

"I'm not strong enough."

"Strong enough for what?" Grimmjow pressured him, desperate for something, anything.

Ichigo felt to deny him what he wanted now would be cruel. Grimmjow had nothing, he hardly asked for anything. Sure, he fought to take it, but it wasn't often he demanded Ichigo do something. He let his grip on Sunyata slide, feeling the burn of Alteza replace the cold numbness he was quickly growing fond of. Slippery slope. It had barely been weeks, and he was already sliding.

Ichigo's voice was low, so unwilling to give voice to the fears he had to face. "'I'm not strong enough to feel."

"Bullshit," Grimmjow hissed.

"I make mistakes."

"So what?"

"My mistakes hurt people."

"So fucking what?!"

Ichigo abruptly turned away, taking a few steps in a surge of annoyance. Gathering himself, his eyes roamed the rooftop, never resting. He knew his annoyance was only present because he was afraid. They were alone on that rooftop, but they had an audience in his soul. Just about everyone in the Gotei 13 had a front row seat to him mental breakdown, but Grimmjow asked, and he deserved to know.

He turned to face the arrancar again, and let his grip on everything go. It all rushed back, filling the void in his heart. It was too much, too quickly. It tightened his throat, choking him with it, the rage seizing his muscles like coiled vipers. He grit his teeth through a growl. "You want me to say I'm jealous, that I'm angry? Spiteful? Petty? Who gives a shit what I feel?!"

"I do!"

That stopped Ichigo short, staring back at Grimmjow in shock. Grimmjow looked back in mirrored confusion. It didn't seem to be his admission, but the force of his conviction.

Ichigo wanted to know why, but Grimmjow wanted to move on. The arrancar asked, "You're jealous?"

Ichigo's thoughts once again derailed to Aizen. The man knew. He knew it would come to this and the shinigami laughed in his face.

"Don't go there, King, it isn't worth it."

It really wasn't. He could never be a part of this, there was no changing that, but comparing himself to Aizen wasn't productive. "Yeah, jealous," Ichigo said. "I miss going to school, worrying about stupid shit that doesn't even matter, having friends-"

"Thanks, asshole," Grimmjow interjected.

Ichigo let slip a bark of laughter. "You're more than a friend, Grimmjow. I don't know what you are."

From the look on Grimmjow's face, he didn't either, and he wasn't offering up any suggestions. The Conduit shoved his hands in his pockets and scowled. "Why the fuck would you wanna be some sheep in a crowd?"

"Because it's simple."

"You would hate it."

Ichigo looked away, eyes landing on the city sprawled below him, breathed in the raging hum of life, and had to agree. "Probably. Doesn't stop me from wondering what could have been."

"You're damn near a God, besides all the horseshit about your soul, why wouldn't you want power?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ichigo looked back at him when he didn't answer, noting the furrow of confusion in his brow. Ichigo was aware that for someone that clawed and scraped for power all their life, his outlook was strange. "I used to be like you, all I wanted was to be stronger, but I wanted it to protect people."

"Still scared you'll hurt me?"

"Yes," Ichigo said. He moved, suddenly inches from the arrancar, but Grimmjow was used to it, he didn't even flinch. "I still have restraint, I'm not that far gone." He reached for Grimmjow, surprising the arrancar when he reached for his bare cheek rather than his mask. "I know I can stop myself, but I have to try."

His fingers smoothed over the arc of his cheekbone, testing Grimmjow's reaction, then pressed his palm to his jaw. Grimmjow stopped breathing, but his heart pounded like a trapped bird. "Kurosa-"

"I hate that the urge is there. This need to devour, obliterate...Yes," His voice broke and twisted over that word. "I'm jealous. I wish I knew what it was like without all of that noise. I don't remember banality."

"Are you jealous of me?"

Ichigo paused, because he hadn't given it any conscious thought. Grimmjow was a constant presence in his life, but as he stared back at the conduit, he realized he was. "Yeah...yeah I think I am."

"What the fuck for?"

Ichigo said, "Your life wasn't all bad, don't act like you don't remember what it was like." Sunshine, seafoam, and a dazzling smile; those memories couldn't belong to anyone but Grimmjow. "I know you do."

Grimmjow jerked his head to remove his hand, but Ichigo stepped closer, pressing his palm flat to his cheek. The arrancar froze and didn't try to back away again, watching him carefully. Grimmjow's expression was guarded, but through that contact and through his soul, Ichigo felt his conduit's heart rubbed raw.

Grimmjow already knew he'd seen parts of his past, but the arrancar was deeply private, and dragging it to the forefront was clearly the last thing he wanted. It was knowledge Ichigo wished he didn't have. "I don't mean to see your memories."

Something sparked in Grimmjow's eyes, and the arrancar fought to turn the conversation back. "Then you know, why the fuck would you be jealous of that?"

"You still don't understand," Ichigo said. "It isn't a single part of you, it's everything. You might be my conduit, but you're still…"

"Mortal," Grimmjow supplied.

"I wasn't going to say that."

Grimmjow continued as if he hadn't spoken. "You're jealous of mortality?" Mortality...Death. Surrounded by it, yet he hardly wanted to think about it. That struck close enough to home that it ached, searing a line into his soul, someplace deeper than even Alteza could reach.

"King."

Nothing but a single word, his hollow's tone laden with the reminder of that agonizing moment in Hueco Mundo. Sisters dead, hope crushed, his heart burned away by the scorching fire of pain. There was no afterlife for him, this was it. There was no death to happily embrace, there was no peace left...not for Ichigo.

Ichigo's face fell and he pulled his hand back, but Grimmjow's hand snatched it, calloused fingers rough along the back of his hand. Blue eyes locked on his, wide in concern.

Ichigo held still; he didn't squash his feelings, he didn't run from them, not like before. Grimmjow asked him not to, and that meant everything.

His voice felt thick in his throat, but for fucks sake at least he didn't cry. "It hasn't even happened, how stupid is that?"

"Kurosaki, you're only giving me bits and pieces, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." The words he chose were aggressive, but they lacked the force of his usual cranky temper.

Ichigo pulled his hand away, not because he wanted to, and turned to put his back to the rooftop wall. He sat on the edge, noting it was terrifyingly short. Seemed a good place to jump, he couldn't help but notice, even when heights were no longer a fear. He didn't see a door to get up here, so it probably wasn't even a hazard, but he thought it anyways.

Grimmjow sat next to him, close enough that his knee touched, and rest his arms over his thighs. "Talk," the arrancar demanded.

And Ichigo caved, his cobbled together composure crumbling. "No one's gone, they're not d-...they're alive." His shoulders jerked with a rough laugh, one that sounded more like a gutted sob. "And that's just it, they're mortal."

"So they become souls, you're in Soul Society all the time."

"And then what?" Disgust curled Ichigo's lip, his eyes roaming over the water pooled into the dips of the roof. "They watch their brother slowly lose his mind?"

"Fuck," Grimmjow growled, "That's decades off. You've got time."

"I should be dead."

"Kurosaki."

Ichigo couldn't be sure if he heard a question or merely appalled outrage in Grimmjow's voice.

"It would have been the perfect moment." Grimmjow's hand fisted in the front of his shihakusho, and Ichigo found himself inches away from blazing blue eyes.

"The fuck are you saying?" Grimmjow growled.

"You said you wanted honesty," Ichigo said.

Confliction weakened Grimmjow's resolve, but he didn't back down. "What's all this shit about dying?! You're not allowed to die."

Ichigo laughed, a small, broken sound. "That's just it, I'm not allowed to die, they won't let me."

There wasn't just anger in those eyes anymore, Ichigo finally saw understanding. Grimmjow tightened his grip, pulling him closer, enough that Ichigo put a hand on Grimmjow's knee to keep from falling into his lap. "You want to die?" Grimmjow looked and sounded angry, but his heart betrayed something pained.

"I'm not suicidal," Ichigo reassured him. Confusion washed over Grimmjow's face, the arrancar's hand tightening hard enough his knuckles cracked. "It was my last chance to die, there's no one left that can kill me."

Ichigo's voice fell with a growl, his throat tight with pain and rage he kept pretending didn't exist. "So yes, I'm fucking jealous. You won't lose your mind, I won't let you, I'll kill you. I'll kill you and I'll have to fucking live with that, until I don't, cause I'll be FUCKING CRAZY!"

Breathing hard, Ichigo didn't remember lifting his hand to Grimmjow's throat, but it was there, tight enough he knew Grimmjow couldn't breathe. The shock on Grimmjow's face slackened his features in a way Ichigo had only seen in sleep. He expected rage in return, not this. Ichigo loosened his grip, but didn't remove his hand. "Say something!"

"This is what's been bothering you?" Grimmjow's voice was shockingly even, and Ichigo realized what he felt. Guilt. Pity.

Ichigo shoved him back hard enough that Grimmjow fell and had to catch himself on the ground with both hands, his knee splashing into a puddle. That felt good, but it also didn't feel like enough, and the very fact he liked seeing Grimmjow on his hands and knees turned his stomach. He wanted to hurt him, and he didn't know if those feelings were his own.

Grimmjow looked up at him, and the shine of fear in his eyes made Ichigo rock back on his heels. He wanted to hurt him, he wanted to protect him, and those two urges melted into something sickening and ugly.

Turning away with a shout of frustration, Ichigo stepped through la sangre, putting distance between them before he did something he would regret. Hands clenched into fists, his claws scored his palms and slicked his fingers in blood. Why was he so angry? He's the one that dragged Grimmjow down and now he hated him for it? How the fuck was that fair?

He turned in circles, panicking, feeling Grimmjow's eyes on him as sharply as he felt the arrancar's pity. That emotion was entirely unwanted. He snarled, "Don't you dare."

Grimmjow got to his feet, he heard the scuff of his shoes and the shift of his clothes, but he refused to look at him. He let out a ragged breath, reaching for die Konigin without realizing, not until he jerked away from it and the sudden ache of his heart. All the light in the city was abruptly snuffed out, banished along with die Konigin.

They stood in darkness, and a silence more akin to Hueco Mundo, the light pollution of the city gone.

Abandoning all sense, Grimmjow walked over to him. Some of that fear was still present, but Grimmjow disregarded it and approached him anyways. Why did he do that? Why did he ignore his instincts like that? Eyes on Grimmjow's feet, Ichigo refused to look at him, but he didn't run, he was better than that. At least he told himself he was, but it could also be curiosity.

Grimmjow planted his feet directly before him and startled Ichigo when his fingertips brushed along his jaw. Ichigo's eyes snapped up to meet Grimmjow's in shock. He felt the tremble in the arrancar's arm and he finally understood where that fear came from. He was nervous, this was different, new, and unfamiliar territory.

Blue eyes met his, raw and unguarded, brows furrowed, his lips a tight line. His conduit flattened his hand to his cheek, and his palm burned like fire. His mind staggered over the reality that Grimmjow touched him. He hadn't ever touched him like that before. No one had.

"Good, you're listening." Grimmjow's voice sounded thick, tight with emotion Ichigo knew he'd never dare show anyone. "You wanna hate me? Hate me. You wanna hurt me? Do it."

"I-"

"Shut the fuck up! I'm not done." Grimmjow's hand slipped higher to fist in his hair, pulling Ichigo closer. "I have a hard time telling how much of your anger is you, and how much is Alteza, or die Konigin, or whatever, but this. All this shit, is you. You can pretend you're not a wreck with your fucking friends, but not with me. I asked for this, I ain't backing down from it. I'm not a coward."

Grimmjow was many things, but Ichigo would never call him a coward. A coward wouldn't invite any of this onto themselves, let alone face it head on when they were dragged into this level of bullshit. He said, "You don't deserve this."

Grimmjow's face twisted into an ugly smile. "Talking like a god again, you fucking asshole. You don't tell me what I deserve. Fuck you!"

And he was right.

Ichigo closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath, one wrapped up in a sound he didn't even realize he'd made. Grimmjow pressed his forehead to his, and Ichigo didn't move. He was so used to violence, his thoughts stuttered to a halt under a gentle touch. Weeks of the arrancar's presence made it shockingly easy to accept.

The arrancar's grip tightened on the back of his neck and he growled, "Fuck if it ain't fair. Do you see me judging you?"

"I wish you would."

"Don't tell me what to do, Kurosaki."

"I don't want your pity," Ichigo hissed.

"It's not as simple as that."

"Isn't it?" Ichigo asked, his voice contained in a bitter laugh.

"Just listen for a fuckin' second. You make the best of it, but I feel it, you have to know I feel it too; you're not free…" Ichigo's heart plummeted at the truth in those words, his masquerade ripped apart in one breath. Grimmjow continued, his fingers tugged his hair, pulling at the roots. "and I hate it."

Ichigo tried to pull away, but Grimmjow held fast, clawing desperately at his hair. Ichigo stilled at his silent plea, pressing back against his forehead. He wondered if Grimmjow was afraid he'd see his expression.

His conduit spoke, his voice so quiet Ichigo had to strain to hear. "You think it's pity, but you're wrong."

Afraid of the answer, Ichigo swallowed and asked, "Then what?"

Grimmjow's hand moved, willing his hand to relax, and his palm clasped the back of Ichigo's neck, holding him close, in a grip that was possessive yet oddly gentle. For a long moment, the space was shared by nothing but their breath and the wind. Calloused fingers dragged harsh lines over the ridges of his vertebrae, then veered upwards, his fingers tangling in his hair. Grimmjow tightened his grip, pulling him closer, his answer small and broken. "Grief, Kurosaki."

Confusion weighed on Ichigo so heavy, he tried to pull back to see him, but Grimmjow held tighter, hopeful he wouldn't see his face. So Ichigo remained close to him, sparing his pride, and focused instead on the tight hiss of his breath.

Ichigo asked, "What for?"

"For you, dumbass."

Ichigo's breath caught in his throat, biting his lower lip. For him.

Grimmjow kept speaking, words tumbling from his lips as he rambled, "You were always good at hiding. With the shinigami sharing your soul, I should have known that you would do it again...stupid, I should have known."

Grimmjow knew he was hiding, and that hurt more than the confession itself. All his ugly secrets were drawn out, Grimmjow wasn't letting him hide, and despite all his power...he felt vulnerable.

It hadn't occurred to him that Grimmjow might mourn what he'd lost. It wasn't that he thought Grimmjow lacked empathy, he just didn't think the other had cared. He shouldn't care. Ichigo was the one to grant him power, but by mere proximity Grimmjow was suffering. His espada reached for him, and like Icarus, he was burning up, the price was too high.

Ichigo argued, "You've got it wrong, you're not responsible for me. You're mine."

Grimmjow snarled, "You have no idea, do you Kurosaki? I couldn't shake you if I tried, you're in my thoughts, my soul, like fucking poison, and I can't get rid of you."

It was true, but it didn't hurt any less. Ichigo flinched back, heart aching, easily fighting Grimmjow's hold but the arrancar stepped forward, his voice rough. "I ain't talkin' about Alteza, dumbass."

Ichigo stilled, not comprehending. Grimmjow said, "You reeled me in and I'm here, so don't shut me out." He added as an afterthought, fingers wrestling a tighter hold of tangled black hair. "Fuck you for that."

Ichigo got a handful of his jacket, to push him back or pull him closer, he wasn't sure, but once he had him, he did nothing, only listened, worried if he spoke, Grimmjow might stop.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm selfish? If you feel shit, I feel shit, and it ain't because I'm stuck feeling your soul."

That admission startled Ichigo, and when Grimmjow didn't elaborate, he fished for answers. "What do you mean?"

After a long pause, Grimmjow admitted, "I don't know."

Trying to pull back, Ichigo encountered resistance again. He stopped fighting Grimmjow's hold and sighed, "I'm not hiding from you anymore, don't hide from me." Grimmjow didn't move, and Ichigo wrestled with a word that scraped his ego and pride in way it never had before. "Please."

Grimmjow let him go, his hand loosening and allowing Ichigo to pull back to see his face. His hand lingered on the side of his neck, palm much warmer than Ichigo expected it to be. Lifting his eyes to meet Grimmjow's, his conduit met his gaze with a steady look, one without the barriers he was used to. Blue eyes blazed against a backdrop of black, and Ichigo tried to understand how eyes so fierce could be so sad.

Without giving it much thought, Ichigo unfisted his hand from his jacket and reached for his mask. Fear flashed in Grimmjow's eyes and Ichigo paused, and let go of the lie. "I don't need to touch you to feel your heart."

Panic spread across Grimmjow's face, and Ichigo closed the gap, his palm resting over the uneven, sandpaper surface of his mask. Grimmjow stiffened, but watched expectantly, silently demanding an explanation.

Ichigo traced the sharp edge of his mask with his thumb, the ache in Grimmjow's heart mirroring his own. "I touched you because I didn't want you to be afraid of me, but there's no reason for a lie, not anymore."

Voice thick, Grimmjow asked, "If you can feel my heart anyways, why are you touching me?"

Ichigo scoffed sofly. "Because I want to." He smiled, but it hurt, baring his teeth in a grimace more than any expression of joy. "Just looking at you hurts. I did this, I hurt you, and it makes me hate you more. Why do you stay? Why do you let me do this?"

Grimmjow lifted his hand to cover Ichigo's, shockingly gentle, while Ichigo's grew more violent, tendons straining as he gripped his mask, the irrational desire to crush his heart for daring to trust him with it making his hand tremble. Grimmjow grimaced in pain and said, "Zangetsu did this."

"I am Zangetsu," Ichigo hissed.

"So what, I want you alive," Grimmjow said. "I don't blame you."

Ichigo tightened his grip, enough that his mask creaked under the pressure. "You should!"

Grimmjow's response was stubbornly even. "I don't."

"Why do you let me do this?!" Ichigo shouted.

Grimmjow didn't answer, but that sadness still softened his eyes and twisted Ichigo's heart. He didn't deserve that, not after everything he'd done, everything he wanted to do. Gritting his teeth, Ichigo shoved back, throwing them both through la sangre. Slamming Grimmjow back against the roof access door, the metal rang, hollow and heavy with the impact. Grimmjow said nothing, there was no judgement there, just a bundle of emotions wrapped up in grief.

Shoving Grimmjow's head back by his mask, Ichigo snarled, "Why?!" Forced to bare his throat, Grimmjow just took it, he did nothing but glare, those eyes burning into him with such steady confidence. Ichigo hated it.

Desperate for a reaction, Ichigo shoved a hand up against his stomach, pressing a clawed thumb along the rim of his hollow hole. That got a reaction. Grimmjow let out a heavy, awful breath, brows twisting in anguish. Ichigo felt a stab of satisfaction and disgust, both wanting to stop himself, and eager to continue. Grimmjow's heart ached, struggling like a trapped animal, and Ichigo forced his palm down on his hollow hole, like he was trying to split Grimmjow in half by it.

The air rushed from Grimmjow's lungs like he'd been punched, squeezing his eyes shut. Instinct had Grimmjow fighting back, clawing to remove Ichigo's hands. His knees buckled so Ichigo's steely grip on his mask was the only thing keeping him on his feet. "This is all I have for you, Grimmjow!"

Pain.

"King, you're going to kill him."

'Fine!'

"King!"

Grimmjow trembled under his hands, his claws sinking deep into his hollow hole, tearing at his soul. Tears fell from eyes screwed tight, his breath coming in short, tight pants, words and thoughts stolen from him. It felt good, it also made him feel sick. Guts turning over in self hatred, Ichigo considered killing him, and the pain Grimmjow felt was suddenly his own. Loosening his grip, Ichigo spat. "Hate me."

Grimmjow sucked in a rattling breath, those blue eyes locking on his own with no visible difference other than pain. "I can't."

"Why not? It's easy! I use you, I hurt you, I'm tearing you apart!" Don't let me down now, Grimmjow. Fight me, hate me.

Grimmjow's brows drew tight, lashes wet with tears, a bright blush of shame dusting his cheeks and racing up towards his ears. "You asked me why."

"So tell me," Ichigo demanded.

He spoke, soft and raspy, his throat tight with emotion. "I love you."

His voice was so soft, Ichigo was sure he heard him wrong. Eyes widening, his grip fell slack, and Grimmjow crumpled against the wall, sliding down it to sit in a heap on the ground. "Don't act so surprised, Kurosaki," the arrancar muttered. "You knew."

Did he though?

Ichigo stared down at Grimmjow, but the arrancar didn't look at him, he looked at the rooftop, curled protectively around his hollow hole. Shame struck Ichigo like a wall, and Grimmjow looked up, but there was no blame written on his face, only understanding. "You think I don't get you, Kurosaki. I do."

"I want to hurt you, and I hate it." He hated himself, but he also revelled in it. He shouldn't feel like that, but he did, and for some reason, Grimmjow just took it.

"I don't blame you," Grimmjow said, and there was no waver in his heart, he meant every word. Goddamn him.

"You should."

"Fuck off, I do what I want, and I'm exactly where I wanna be." Grimmjow's lips curled in anger and he hissed, "Always the martyr, everything's always about you. Fuck off. I choose what I want, and this is it." So many words left the arrancar breathless, arms still wrapped around his middle like he was holding himself together.

And the fucker was right. He didn't hate him like Ichigo wanted, but he never, ever did as he was told.

Grimmjow blinked, and looked away, something cold creeping into the other's heart. Ichigo didn't like it, so he abandoned caution and moved over him, standing above him. Grimmjow watched, wary and expecting violence, and that twisted Ichigo's heart. That's what he'd wanted, or rather, what he thought he did, but fuck if it didn't hurt.

Standing between his knees and planting a hand on the wall above Grimmjow, Ichigo slid down to crouch before him. His claws traced the wall, and he left his hand by Grimmjow's cheek, pinning him with a single look. Ichigo said, "I didn't give you an answer."

Grimmjow looked confused, then understanding lit up his face. "Don't expect ya to say it. Never did."

I love you.

Ichigo wasn't sure if everything or nothing had changed.

Grimmjow was more loyal than he should be, he did things he wouldn't expect of anyone, and he did them willingly. Ichigo shouldn't have been surprised, but he was. He didn't deserve it, but Grimmjow did whatever the fuck he wanted, there was no sense telling him no. Not when those three words sank into his heart and filled him with warmth,

Grimmjow said, "I don't think I've ever known anyone as strong as you before. You must have felt my envy."

Ichigo frowned, his expression shifting into a grimace. "I thought it was hate."

"They feel a lot alike, don't they," Grimmjow mused, and Ichigo realized he was talking about him. Grimmjow thought he hated him.

That realization changed Ichigo's perspective. "And you still…" loved me. He supposed it wasn't something Grimmjow could control anymore than he could. Even when he saw hatred and fear in the eyes of his friends, he never stopped loving them, it just hurt more.

Grimmjow carried on as if he hadn't stopped. "You made me stronger and stronger but you…you've always been something else. You think I didn't want what you had so badly that I wanted to eat you alive, tear your heart out and devour you. I did, I wanted to hurt you, kill you, destroy you...I don't know when I stopped wanting that."

This was more like what Ichigo wanted to hear, but he wasn't sure why it had changed either.

"The only thing I want from you, Kurosaki, is you. God that sounds pathetic."

Grimmjow looked away in sudden shame, and Ichigo reached out without thinking to grab his chin, forcing the arrancar to look at him. Ichigo said, "I don't know how you can stand it, but if you let me be selfish, I'm taking it, I don't think I'm strong enough to resist."

Grimmjow's brows scrunched together and he said, "Why are you apologizing for that, I told you to take it. You're strong, Kurosaki. I don't know how you're not raving mad already, everyone's got a weakness, I'm not gonna use yours against you."

Grimmjow was a weakness, a big one, both when it came to his sanity and his heart. Somehow it didn't bother Grimmjow to let Ichigo violate all the trust he'd ever given him.

"How can you trust me when I use your weakness against you?"

"Dunno, Kurosaki. You ask too many questions. You still jealous?"

Ichigo moved his hand to Grimmjow's throat, gently squeezing, and Grimmjow didn't react, at least, not in the way he should have. "Yes," Ichigo said. "But it's better."

"Good, cause I haven't got anything else to give you." As if he were making sacrifices to some God, and from the look in Grimmjow's eyes, that was close to the truth.

Ichigo said, "I'd say I don't want anything from you, but I'd be lying."

The tone in Grimmjow's voice was somehow annoyed and sad. "Yer allowed to be selfish, Kurosaki."

But like that? Ichigo didn't think that was right, yet Grimmjow refused to judge him.

Removing his hand, Ichigo reached down, gently smoothing his hand along the rim of the void in his belly. Grimmjow tensed, his hands tightening on his own shihakusho in an effort to hold himself back. When no pain came, he let out a sigh, watching Ichigo nervously.

Ichigo said, "I'm sorry."

"I told you I get it," Grimmjow growled, "Destroy the things you don't deserve? Been there, done that."

That was true, wasn't it? If anyone understood his stupid, fucked up logic, it was Grimmjow. Ichigo's eyes narrowed, carefully smoothing his fingers along the edge of his hollow hole. "Okay...I'm still sorry."

That apology came to him easier than he might have expected, and the honestly and gentle touch was too much for Grimmjow to face. The arrancar took his wrist and pulled his hand away. "Fine." Eyeing Ichigo's proximity, Grimmjow asked, "Did those Soul Society clowns feel all of that."

Ichigo sighed and said, "Probably."

Grimmjow's usual scowl returned, but softened by something Ichigo couldn't name. "That sucks."

A small smile turned up the corner of Ichigo's mouth, but he was too emotionally exhausted for it to remain. "It is what it is. Despite your reasons, I...needed calling out." Ichigo stood, shifting Grimmjow's grip from his wrist to his hand, and pulled him up to stand. The arrancar was unsteady on his feet, which was proof enough of Ichigo's mistake.

Grimmjow warned, "Don't you dare feel guilty."

"I'm trying not to," Ichigo said, then gave him a more honest answer. "Despite whatever satisfaction I got from that, I don't like seeing you weak."

Leveling a hard stare at Ichigo, Grimmjow chose to dance around the subject. "Implying I'm strong."

"Stop comparing yourself to me," Ichigo said, "That's not fair."

"Hard not to," Grimmjow shrugged. He leaned against the wall and let out a long, tired sigh. "I'll take that nap now."

Ichigo reached for him, pulling him off the wall by the jacket, and waited for some nonverbal sign he was ready to go back to the room, to face a stranger that had witnesses one side of a very personal conversation. It didn't seem like either of them were ready for it, but rather than never face it and die of embarrassment, life carried on.

Moments passed, then Grimmjow gave him a small nod, and Ichigo brought them both back into the room through la sangre. Rukia jumped, startled by their sudden appearance, and looked from the growing bruise on Grimmjow's throat, to Ichigo. Ichigo noticed her eyes were wet, and the instant he noticed, an embarrassed blush stained her cheeks. She didn't say anything, but the questions she wouldn't ask hung in the air unanswered.

Ichigo wasn't sure why she was crying, if it was because of him or for him, but he wasn't going to ask, his pride had taken enough of a beating that night,

"Sorry, Rukia." Grimmjow pulled away from his grip and Rukia's questioning gaze to throw himself down on the other bed, curling up with his back to her. Ichigo saw the uncomfortable tension in his shoulders, and crossed the room to sit on the bed between him and Rukia. Most, if not all of that tension immediately faded.

In some sick way, that pleased Ichigo's instincts; Grimmjow was his to destroy, to protect, and his conduit knew that. With Ichigo there, Grimmjow was safe, until he decided he shouldn't be. On the other hand, the human part of his heart thrilled at the knowledge that Grimmjow trusted him, and now he knew why.

Grimmjow folded his arm under his mask, eyes on the wall, and Ichigo felt compelled to touch. He reached for his throat again, fingertips brushing the tense, bruising skin. He had no intention of healing that, it was proof Grimmjow wanted, and proof of all the things Ichigo wanted to deny he felt. No more hiding.

Blue eyes snapped up to meet his, curious, but whatever Grimmjow saw there made him blush and close his eyes. "Leave me alone, I'm sleeping."

Drawing his hand back, Ichigo folded his arms and leaned against the wall, casting a look over to Rukia. "Go back to sleep." Ichigo lined his voice with enough authority to infuse his lack of desire to talk about anything that just occured, both for his own sake and Grimmjow's. He liked her as a friend, but he wasn't even done working out what just happened himself.

Rukia stared at him a long moment, then swiped her fingers over her cheek, and laid down with her back to him, lacing his fingers over the back of her neck. Not so comfortable around him anymore, that was clear. That was fine, even if it hurt. He was being honest, that's what mattered to Grimmjow, so that's what mattered to him.

Ichigo looked around the room, the silence uncomfortable for all of them, but it still didn't take long for Grimmjow to slip into unconsciousness. His breathing leveled and his usual scowl softened into a small frown. Eventually, Rukia fell asleep too, and Ichigo was left to his thoughts, but not alone.

Stepping into his inner world, Ichigo faced his hollow with a heart heavy with shame. "I was going to do something really stupid."

Zangetsu watched him without judgement, merely frustration. "Not in your right mind these days, I can't blame you."

"That was all me, I wanted to kill him."

Zangetsu let out a breath, looking more tired than Ichigo had ever known. "No King, it isn't. You're an angry fucker, but you wouldn't kill him."

"I wanted to."

Zangetsu stepped into sonido, stopping with his hand on his chest, just above the hole that cut straight through him. "Look around you."

Ichigo followed his line of sight to his feet, the cracked concrete of his sinking inner world stopping him short. The concrete was seeping black, spreading from the fractures and staining his inner world with darkness so similar to the sand slowly consuming him.

Ichigo sighed, understanding dampening his heart. "It was only a matter of time."

If it was sinking so deep he couldn't feel the difference, it was no wonder he thought those impulses were his own. And yet Grimmjow accepted him anyway. "What a fucking idiot," Ichigo muttered. He ran his hands over his face and grit his teeth. "I'm not ready for this, Zangetsu."

Zangetsu pulled Ichigo's hands away, watching him steadily. "I ain't ever gonna forget who you were. Never, King."

Were. He was inherently changed, and it was only getting worse. Ichigo gave his hollow an unsteady smile. "Don't let me hurt him."

Zangetsu looked insulted. "Ya don't have to ask, King."

- xxx -

Current Espada Ranking

King Strawberry

Fraccion: Grimmjow, Nelliel

0 - Harribel

1 - Ulquiorra

2 - Starrk & Lilynette

3 - Grimmjow

4 - Zommari

5 - Szayelaporro Granz

6 - Shawlong

7 - Cyan, Mila Rose, Apacci (Quimera Parca: Ayon)

8 - Yylfordt Granz

9 - Edrad Liones

10 - Pesche