AN: No shoutouts, just a heads up. I – Me, the author, as opposed to the other guy, Myself – am suffering from a prescription shortage, so updates may vary. Gotta love the dependency on chemical balances brought about by the United States' flawless healthcare system! ( SARCASM )

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

The Way You Make Me Feel

Verosika went on a bit of a bender after that Friday night stream, so waking up in the drunk tank on Sunday morning wasn't a bit different than what she was used to. Still, she made her sobered up phone call and spent a good few hours waiting, bored out of her mind and bemoaning the dressing down she was going to get from whoever picked her up. Of the many things she expected to see when she got out of the Wrath holding cell that morning, she didn't expect to find the lawyer Bee picked out for her; a short Dalmatian-esque Hound with large floppy spotted white ears that she kept behind her head with a clip. With her, eyes hidden by a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses, was her bodyguard. The succubus pop star forced a smile; this dress down was going to suck.

"Caddy! Hey, biiiiiiig girl, how ya doing?" Verosika silently applauded her ability to keep from breaking a – weird as fuck, in her modest opinion – hound taboo. The diminutive Hound gave her an unimpressed look and adjusted her glasses.

"Miss Mayday." Ugh, don't surname her! That never leads anywhere well or fun! "As your legal representative and advisor, I suggest it is best for your image and brand to avoid alcohol consumption for one to two days. Furthermore, Queen Bee would like to inform you that any gigs or events are on hold until the foreseeable future."

"..Shit, was this bender that bad?" Verosika winced. If Bee of all people was telling her to 'chill out', then she had a bad time.

"No, but she is certain the next one will be. And I concur with her on the matter."

"Of course you do." Verosika rolled her eyes. She pouted as she was led out by the two hounds and glanced at her bodyguard as he opened the door for them. Her brow furrowed, didn't he–? She'd ask him once they got in and seated: "So, why are you here, Tex? I thought you took the week off?"

"I did. We're stopping by the office to get your shit. Then you're coming with me back to Bee's. She'd have come help, but...something came up." He leaned back in his seat and slid his sunglasses back on. "Don't wake me unless we get attacked."

"Well, someone's in a mood."

"Boss? Drop it."

"Alright, alright." Verosika glanced at Caddy. "Was he this bad when he picked you up?"

"He was a tad more stressed." Caddy smirked for all of a second before she recomposed herself and adjusted her suit's matching pencil skirt. "He's a bit more relaxed now."

Verosika looked between the two hounds and arched a brow.

"Did Bee–?"

"He/I got permission for as many partners this week as he/I wanted." Both Caddy and Tex answered. A light thump had Verosika look at the shorter hound. Was her tail wagging? Were Tex's ears folded back?!

"The fuck happened this weekend?!"

"It's a long fucking story." Tex rubbed his face. "One that requires alcohol."

"..So, basically I'm not hearing it, am I?" Verosika asked her cute attorney. The little Hound looked at her, then back to Tex, and finally down to her PDA.

"No."

Fucking typical.

Being whisked away from her half-finished, home-brewed Vanilla Latte was not something Loona was thrilled about, and as soon as the word 'threesome' escaped Bee's mouth in an excited squeal, she was even less thrilled. Oh, she was down to get freaky with her hot boyfriend and his equally hot sister, don't misunderstand. She was not excited to try and do so without a significant amount of caffeine in her system.

"Can't this wait until after lunch?" She asked, a growl in her voice, as she was dumped on a large bed that smelt like her boyfriend, but...not as coconutty and had almost too much violet in it. The room was lit in a low red light, with various cushions, pillows and blankets scattered about. Bee zipped in and out of the room, returning to drop a few things off on a bedside table. A few tubes of lube, a small leather box, and a Polaroid camera. Loona looked at her boyfriend, who had been dumped on the same bed beside her.

"Is she even listening to me?"

"Probably not right now, no." He rolled onto his back, tucked his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Totally ignoring the way his sister muttered to herself at rapid fire, gasped and then darted out of the room again. The Wriggler thwapped onto the bed in a steady, drawn out beat. "She kind of went all... Bee the moment I said I was willing to do this."

"No, really? I couldn't tell." Loona huffed and crawled over to lay atop of him. It looked like the threesome was happening, which, again, she was down for, but now nerves were starting to come into play. She already had enough insecurities to fight back when it was just her and her boyfriend, she wasn't sure how she was going to react with a third in play. When it came time for him to fuck his sister was she going to get possessive or–?

"I can smell the bitter smoke from here, Loon." She looked up to find her boyfriend's big blue eyes locked on her. His arm curled over her shoulders and his muzzle dipped down to rub against hers. Thank fuck, he started to rumble, that always soothed her frazzled nerves. "You're thinking too hard and whatever it's about is worrying you."

"I'm not worried." She grumbled. He snorted into her pierced ear and she bristled. That ear she didn't like being messed with. Accordingly, she snapped at his jaw. "Watch it, Doof."

"Not worried, huh? What's got you thinking so hard then? Fantasizing already?" He pulled his muzzle back and surprised her with a quick, chaste kiss. Mm, these were the sort of things she loved about her boyfriend. Even after doing something dumb, he could catch her off guard with the sweetest of gestures.

"I'm just.." her ears folded back and she looked away. "I'm nervous, alright?"

"Performance anxiety?"

"No– well, a little bit." She admitted softly, gaze still averted. She played with the moon-lock latch of his collar as she tried to get her thoughts in order. Her brows furrowed as they seemed more chaotic than before."I just don't... fuck, I don't know."

"Yeah, this is why I told her we had to talk first before we got to it." He grumbled as the claws he had wrapped around her started to stroke her side, teasing the edge of her Spot. The combination of that wonderful sensation and a rumble started to make it hard for Loona to think properly. Her traitorous tail began to swoosh-swoosh- swoosh as his claws got ever closer to hitting that sweet bundle of nerves just beneath her ribs.

"Babe..." she huffed and released his collar to splay her claws on his chest. Shit, he was really getting close to getting her– fuck, she knew that familiar tingle in her core. Damn, damn, damn, he was going to do it again! He was going to get her on the edge and something will interrupt them like it always fucking did; she had to stop him! "Naruto? ...Babe... pl–!"

A sharp gasp escaped her lips when his claws hit that sweet Spot. Fuck! Don't don't don't– she whined and, oh sure, he stopped at that sound. Not when she said his name. Dammit.

"Loo–? Oh, fuck." His claws pulled away and goddammit he couldn't have done that three seconds sooner?! Now she didn't want him to stop! Dammit, Doof – no, calm down, it's not entirely his fault, she knew what he was doing and didn't speak fast enough – ugh, sweet fuck that felt so good, his claws were fucking magic. She scrunched her eyes shut and buried her face in his neck to keep her panting from being too obvious. His claws moved up to hug her around the shoulders again, but the damage was done, now every touch felt like a tinge of fire. "Shit, I'm so fucking sorry, Loon."

"S'no big deal." She lied into his neck as she scented him. Violets and Almost Coconut, a dangerous wonderful smell that only fueled the heat inside of her. Her splayed claws trailed down to his stomach and his rumble increased. She nipped and kissed the fur around and beneath his collar. Just before her claws could slip beneath his waistline, he sat up so that she partially straddled his lap and began to return her affections. She felt the reason for his 'rising' on the outside of her leg and her tail started to swoosh even faster.

"So much...for those...nerves, hm?" He asked around a few heated kisses. She growled against his mouth on the next one. He was such a fuckin' tease, and he thought he was so funny.

"Quiet, Doof." She panted when their lips parted and nipped at his nose. 'S your fault."

" My fault?"

" Your fault." Loona growled playfully as she pushed her nose to his to get a Boop. He chuckled into it and twisted the Boop into another kiss. Her tongue flicked against his lips and her request was granted without a fight. Pity, she wanted another win under her belt.

"As hot as watching you two hit first base is, ignoring your third is a major Party Foul."

Loona reflexively bit down on the surprised yip she almost let out. Consequently, this bite came down hard on her boyfriend's muzzle, and he yelped. She pulled back faster than he did, while his hands shot up to cover his face. That sobered her up and cooled her core faster than anything else could.

"Shit! Sorry, Babe. Let me see," Loona said and gently exposed the damage she did to his mouth. He fought back growls and whines as she pulled his claws away. Several holes and a few small tears marred the snout and she winced. She gently nosed it to inspect the damage and he whined. "Oh, fuck, Naruto. I'm so sorry."

"Not y'r flat." He grumbled and whimpered

"..Well, shit, didn't realize you guys were that kinky." Bee-Lzebub

"That's not fucking funny, Bee!" He growled as his healing factor fixed the new holes Loona's teeth caused again. She whined and her ears folded back. Fuck, she already screwed this up, dammit, do not cry, he's fine! As if he knew she needed it, his arms wrapped around her and she was tucked under his chin. "No, c'mon, Loon. I'm not mad at you."

"Yeah, Pretty Pup, don't fret. Accidents like this happen all the time, besides–" Something was jammed into her boyfriend's mouth by one of Bee's hands.

"Gark, fuck– Bee !" Naruto snarled at the Sin before he started a coughing fit. "Stop shoving random shit into my mouth!"

"Hey, it feels better now doesn't it?"

"That's not the fuckin point!" Not for the first time, Loona wondered what she'd gotten herself involved in when her boyfriend and his sister started to bicker about 'oral etiquette'.

"What do you want me to do, then? Kiss it and make the boo-boo better?"

"Yes! That'd be better than choking me on your fuckin' honey!"

Ugh, she hated bickering. It grated on her nerves and reminded her of her ex-'cellmates' at the Orphanage. Memories of smarmy shits that were either 'cuter' than she was or better at acting than she was – not that she ever did or would do that shit. Either they wanted Loona or they didn't, and Blitzø was the only one that did.

"For the love of all that's evil, unless you two would rather have a fight, maybe you should just make out already!" Loona growled at the bickering children that she just wanted to fuck already. She closed her eyes. I can never say that out loud. Goddammit Blitzø, I blame you for that.

"Ahh- choo!" Blitzø sneezed into the face of his sleeping target, some overweight guy that couldn't leave his bed without the aid of a forklift. The demonic sneeze tickled his nostrils and he sucked in a breath, before he choked to death thanks to his breathing deficiency. The burn-marked Imp assassin blinked before he looked up at his underlings.

"Okay, so much for the potato chip bomb our client wanted us to use." Blitzø tossed the bag of treats out the window. It exploded on impact and killed fifteen schoolchildren, their gym teacher, the bus driver and a pair of partridges in a tree. "Either of you nitwits know how we can fucking prove I killed him with a sneeze?!"

"...We steal the mortician's notes?"

"See, this is why you get the big bucks, Mils."

Naruto really didn't know how his life turned out this way: Sitting in the same room he'd always wake in during his forced slumber, his girlfriend on his lap while his adoptive sister pressed into their sides and molded her lips against his. She seemed to take Loona's advice literally rather than as the frustrated – if amusing – exclamation that he thought it was. Granted, he didn't really protest the act – he really was more open to the threesome than he'd expected the longer he could think about it – and started to respond to the kiss two seconds in. On a slightly unrelated note, he was pretty sure Bee's lower right hand was stroking his shaft while the lower left was groping his girlfriend's rear.

"Mm- wah." Bee sighed as their lips popped apart. She grinned and – yeah, that was a hand stroking his dick through his pants – then planted another kiss on his cheek. "There, no more boo-boos. Also, not bad. You two must practice a lot of tongue play."

"...Yeah," was his eloquent and well thought out response to the non-question. Naruto needed a minute to reboot, maybe more. That stroking was getting distracting and he could smell his girlfriend getting aroused. His tail whapped into the bed.

"...That was so fucking hot..." Loona mumbled. He turned to tease her for her horny – the air was drenched in her and Bee's F.B.N. Vibes, which would be intoxicating if he weren't so aroused – but had to jerk his head back when Bee cupped the Hound's cheeks and mashed their lips together. His Loon had a much better reaction time than he did to getting orally assaulted by his sister, but given the way his mind phrased the three minute make out session that just happened, it was understandable. He watched his sister and girlfriend's mouths mesh and mold together, smelled their aroused states grow. Bee's hand on Loona's cute rump rose up to slide under her shirt and his sweet girlfriend whined into their kiss with such desire...

God dammit.

It's the Return of the Super Boner. With a fucking vengeance, ow! This shit was not comfortable despite the two sexy bitches that were sitting atop him. He wanted them to move, but he didn't want them to stop. Bee's stroking hand drifted up toward the base and–

"Fuck!" He cursed and substituted himself with a pillow at the top of the bed. Bee broke away from the kiss with a laugh while his Loon gave him a confused stare. He whined and his ears folded back. "That was super hot, but someone was squeezing my dick."

"Baby Bro, you don't have a dick. You have a fucking cock." Bee smirked at him. He opened his mouth to refute that, but Loona beat him to it with a throw of her arms into the air.

" Thank you! I don't know why no one else can get that straight." She pulled the pillow he hastily swapped with from between her legs. She frowned at it and threw it at him. "Don't do that when I'm sitting on you, Doof."

"It was either I used the Kawarimi no Jutsu with a pillow, or I threw you both off. Pretty sure I picked the better option." He deadpanned back after he caught the soft projectile out of the air. He stuffed the pillow behind his back and glowered at his snickering sister. "What are you laughing at, you think this is funny?"

"No, I think you two are fucking adorable." He scowled while Loona rolled her eyes. Bee zeroed on his reaction for a moment before she crossed two of her four arms while another pointed at him and Loona. "Okay, big rule of threesomes: set boundaries and talk before any serious fun stuff goes down. We kind of jumped the gun, but in my defense, you two started without me."

"N–! ...Yeah, a little bit. Sorry." He admitted before he'd get caught up in a lie. They had been blatantly making out before Bee startled Loona. He expected to hear a denial or a huff from his girlfriend. Instead, she tripped him over her feet and let the bus hit him dead on.

" Doof started it."

"I didn't do anything to deserve being ganged up on, y'know." He pouted at his girlfriend. She crawled over – super distracting, by the way, and not helpful in getting the painful Super Boner to cool down – and poked him in the nose, which made him go cross-eyed. She cupped his chin and gently pecked his lips before he could even consider how he was going to reciprocate.

"You scratched my Spot."

"That wasn't intentional; I was trying to comfort you."

"So making me orgasm is your way of comforting me?"

"..That.." he growled at the smirk she donned. "Do you want me to not?"

"Ahem, before this becomes an angry sex three way – which, spoiler alert, is only fun if you're a sadist," Bee interjected with a small smirk. "Let's get to setting the ground rules. I told Baby Bro I wanted your guys' first threesome to be amazing and I intend to keep my word on that."

"It's certainly going to be unforgettable." Naruto muttered around a smirk. He yelped when Loona absently whapped his muzzle. "Ow, Loon! That's still tender."

"I could always bite you again, Doof."

"Point taken." He grumbled and rubbed his snout. He glowered at his sister, who's Vibes were all sweet with Amusement, Joy and her own F.B.N. Vibe that had a thick sugary-honey kick to it. Goddamn, his dick was going to explode. "Alright, first rule, no hitting or serious biting during."

"Nips are fine," Loona said as she reached out to scratch his cheek. Her silent and bitter-sweet Vibe of concern was appreciated and he leaned into her affectionate touch. She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes and he nodded at her. "Just not too close to anything really sensitive."

"Ah, you two go that soft, huh? Given the cock you're playing with, I guess that makes sense." Bee nodded. "Alright, my one rule? Don't pull my scruff. Other than that, I'm pretty much game for whatever. Where are you two on anal?"

"Doof doesn't mind pegging." Fuckstick dammit, Loon!

" With lube!" He snapped when he saw that mischievous twinkle in his sister's eye. He growled at her. "So help me, Bee, if you try to stick anything in my ass without lube..!"

"What about a tongue?" She asked with a grin. He scrunched his brows together in thought and then snapped his attention to his girlfriend when her F.B.N. Vibe spiked. She met his gaze – though her ears folded back, likely to hide the heat in them – and shrugged.

"If it's cleaned properly first, I'll lick it," Loona said. God-dammit, this stupid Super Boner was not getting dealt with anytime soon.

"That should not be as hot as it is." He muttered and then shook his head. "Whatever, fine, so we'll explore whether I have an ass-play kink or not, whoopty-doo. What about you, Loon? Anything you want to try with your back door?"

"I'm open to experiment with it." She shrugged and then nibbled on her lip as she gave him a sexy smoldering look that did positively fuck all for the angry, painful erection he had going on. "Maybe... we can try and tie back there."

"You guys haven't done that yet? Fuck, I get to see a first!? That's hot." Bee grinned salaciously. Naruto agreed, as evident by how his traitorous, worthless tail was anything to go by. His sister crawled up the bed and her hand trailed up his leg. "Toys, yea or nay?"

"Aside from the strap-on, we haven't really played with toys." Loona admitted. She furrowed her brow. "Actually, on that note, if anyone pegs, its me."

"Really?" Bee tilted her head. She looked at him. "You guys haven't got into D-P play? But, don't you make clones?"

"They get flirty." Naruto grumbled with a twitch in his eyes. Fucking clones, flirting with his girlfriend. The girlfriend in question huffed.

"It's not even a good flirty. It's all cheesy and crap."

"Aw, that's a small bummer. Maybe I can take a few if you guys wanna vanilla it for a round." Bee said and Naruto wasn't against the image that was brought up by her suggestion. He shook off the thought when she ticked fingers off one of her free hands. "No clones, toys are iffy, Pretty Pup tops if we bring a strap-on in...What about Baby Sis? Could she show up?"

"...N-next time." Loona whimpered. Naruto smirked at her and she growled as her ears folded back. "Shut up, Doof. You have no fucking right being that fucking sexy when you don't even identify that way."

"You weren't complaining last week." He grinned in pride. The Oiroke no Jutsu claimed yet another victim, but this one in the best way possible.

"What happened in Sloth stays in Sloth."

He blew a kiss her way and grinned at the various sweet and sour Vibes she let off in return.

"Learned a lot about you two just now. Mm, those are some juicy Vibes." Bee grinned and – when did her hand get back on his dick! Fuck! He whined when the hand she slipped up the leg of his shorts grabbed hold of his shaft. "And damn, this is nice and hard. I want it inside me. Pretty Pup, it's yours, so it's only right if I ask...Mind if I take first knot?"

"...First penetration, no, I don't mind. Knot...Any knot's asking for a lot." Naruto wasn't sure how he felt about the look in his girlfriend's eyes. Her claws traced along his shirt and ...Aw, fuck, she was going to rip this one, too, wasn't she? He had to stop wearing the shirts he liked around his girlfriend. "Is that everything, Bee?"

"Pretty much, Pretty Pup." Bee grinned again.

"Good."

"W-wait, Loon, don't rip this–!"

Riiiiip

"Sorry, Babe." A gentle kiss pressed into the side of his jaw as he frowned. "But you're too overdressed for my liking."

"Preach it, Pretty Pup!"

"Bee, please don–"

Riiiiip

Naruto closed his eyes and groaned as Bee's hot breath blew on his now exposed dick. Dammit, not only was this going to become super hot, but now he had to get new clothes. Again.

"Fuck...It's even better in person." What the fuck did–?

"Did you watch our sex streams?" Loona asked, ears erect and Naruto felt his heat up.

"Are you fucking kidding? Anytime you two streamed, I was watching. Fuck, that first stream was so hot though." Bee grinned at her as she pushed her nose against his hot shaft. She took a deep whiff and dragged her tongue up from base to tip in a long, wet lick.

Shit. He couldn't fight back the feeling of tightness in his groin and let his head roll back as he whined. Shit-shit-shit! Don't succumb now.

"Oh, fuck yes, Baby Bro. You taste so good," Bee cooed at him as she peppered his dick with kisses. "Pretty Pup, why don't you put his mouth to good use? I know you can come help me from there if I need it."

"Don't have to tell me twice." Loona smirked and pulled him into a kiss one more time while she started to shimmy out of her shorts. When the kiss ended, she put her lips to his ear and stole a nip before she whispered, "Treat me good, Babe."

"Always." He huffed and then swallowed another groan when Bee started to suck on the head. He huffed in the sweet scent of his girlfriend's evident arousal as she straddled his shoulders. Her claws twined in his head as her pussy lips pressed to his mouth and he started to lavish them with affection. He lifted one hand to help her stay steady, his claws dug into her powerful sexy thigh, while the other hand traced up her toned stomach to slip under her shirt and toy with her right boob's pierced nipple.

"Yes, baby, right there...Unholy fuck..." Loona groaned. Bee released his dick from her mouth with a pop.

"Yes, Pretty Pup, that's the idea." She snickered and then ducked back down to tease his testicles. A few kisses fluttered about his sack while three of her hands toyed with the shaft. Naruto moaned into his girlfriend's lower lips and felt his toes curl.

This was going to be a long, exhausting test of his will and his body was ready for it.

AN: That's right! I pulled a Bratja Rasa – who just favorited the fic, welcome dude! Love your work, trying not to copy it – and split the lemon in twain!

...Yes, Steve, that was another fucking Men In Tights reference. ...Because it's a phenomenal movie! ...How do you know it if you've never see– That's it, pull up YouTube! We're watching this. ...You say that like you get a fucking say in the matter.

Remember, it's just Fan Fucking Fiction