April 2033: Beginning of an End Part II
Thad had always known that there was no way that he could announce his condition without hurting his friends, but as soon as he had uttered his response to Skylar, he knew that perhaps he could have said it a little less brutally. As it was, it was as if someone had stopped time for everyone else in the world but him; his fellow Warblers were frozen in place, their eyes wide. They all knew what his condition was and that it was incurable; that it was in effect a death sentence, even in these times when so many other cancers could be treated and eradicated. To hear that one of their own was suffering from it was frankly horrific…
Trent had of course worked it out for himself, but he found that there was no comfort in that, as he had seen how his poor colleague had suffered. Unlike Thad, she had opted to take the treatment as she had young children, but the chemicals and radiotherapy that she subjected herself to had left her in a terrible state and in the end had given her no more than six more months of life. He realised that her children had been her motivation to extend her life a little, to carry on being there for them, but for Thad things were different. He had a son, a secret that Trent alone in the room knew, the rest of those there thinking the boy was his nephew…
"Have they told you that you cannot have any treatment, because if they have, we will get you another doctor. If it is a question of money, then we will find it and pay whatever it costs to get you well." It was David that broke the silence, his voice strident, his facial expression a mixture of shock and anger.
"They did actually offer me treatment; rounds of radiotherapy and chemotherapy…" Thad began in reply.
"Then you take it, and you fight this! There are so many things that they used to say were incurable that can now be cured; there always has to be a first person to beat a disease or condition!"
"And I said no to the treatment because all of the facts are there. You cannot transplant a pancreas, you cannot remove part of it, you cannot replicate it or its functions artificially. The treatments that they have offered me would buy me an extra year of life at the most, but that year will be full of pain and misery. For that reason, I said no, and I meant it."
"Well maybe you need to have a rethink, because to just give in…" David said no more, but it was the way in which he said it, as if to imply that Thad was a fool, that roused the others; the room was suddenly full of noise as some agreed with David and some did not. In no time the noise had reached fever pitch, echoing out into the corridors as faces turned red and expressions turned increasingly hostile….
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
The sound of Mr Bangy hitting the council table hard and in rapid succession cut through the din and the noise stopped. All eyes turned to Thad, who had anger blazing in his eyes, but then he ducked his head down before he spoke…
"In all my time as a Dalton student, alum and staff member, I have never been ashamed to say that I was a Warbler…until now," he said in a voice that was calm, but as his husband's could be, stern and dripping with disapproval. "How DARE any of you think that you have any right to tell me that my decision as to how I am handling the illness that is inflicting me is wrong. How DARE you have the audacity to want to see me suffering agonising pain so that I can have another year of life for your benefit! I am tired of fighting and my time is up!"
"Thad," began David, who now looked horrified at the way his best friend was reacting, "I only said that you needed to fight…"
BANG!
"What part of what I just said do you not understand, Warbler Thompson?" Thad's tone was so cold that there were gasps from around the room, combined with the fact that he had not used David's first name, which implied real anger. "Okay, so here is what is going to happen now. I am going to step out of the room for ten minutes, ten minutes in which all of you can fight, scream and cry, but most importantly of all, accept that it is my life, my body and my decision, not yours. If when I return the mood has not changed and you are all still behaving in the same way, then I will turn around, go to my car, in the trunk of which I have placed a bag with all that I really need for the rest of my life, and I will drive away. My connection to this place and all of you will end at that point, with my heart as broken as the rest of my body. None of you will ever see me again, or hear from me again, that much I promise you, and the fact that you will have caused it will haunt you all for the rest of your days, especially after they tell you I have died."
Thad got up then, and with a quiet dignity he made his way out of the room, not looking at anything but the floor. He could not bear at that moment to see even the faces of those that had been on his side, those that had shown him the respect that he deserved. He knew who had agreed with him and also that there were two people in the room that had stayed silent as the cacophony of noise had reached a crescendo around them…
As soon as he was gone, the sniping started.
"Well, Thompson, way to go at being a supportive best friend!" snarled Flint. "The only reason you want him to fight something that he cannot beat is because of your own selfish needs; you just can't bear to lose him just yet. Now, I get that, but if Beats told me he was terminally ill and didn't want any treatments because they would cause him pain, I'd darn well back him to the hilt!"
"Yeah, that is so easy to say when it isn't you in the situation right now," snapped Ethan, siding with David. "If it actually ever did happen, I guarantee you'd be forcing him down to the hospital to have every possible treatment on offer. That is what a true friend does!"
"Well remind me never to tell you if I have a health issue if that is your attitude!" Drew said with a voice dripping venom. "My health choices are mine and mine alone, just as Thad's are his alone!"
"And thanks a lot for making this all about me!" added Beats, his gaze firmly on Flint. "I am wondering now what you will force me to do when my eyes start to cause me real trouble…"
"He could at least try the treatment, because the side effects of it might not be as bad for him," stated David, his eyes moist.
"I think that is true; not everyone reacts to the same stuff in the same way. He might be fine," added Jeff cautiously. "However, we have to respect that it is his choice; maybe if he had more facts, he might rethink it."
Trent looked at Nick then, who was sitting at his side and biting his tongue, not wanting to have his husband glaring at him as Drew was now staring at Ethan and Beats at Flint. He decided that it was time for him to speak up. "I think that all of you are forgetting one thing, and that is crucial one behind the decision that Thad has made. He could fight it and I think he would if he wasn't sure of one thing; he knows where he is going when the end comes…"
"What on earth are you talking about? We all know where he is going, but he doesn't need to go now. What he needs to do is fight!" Ethan retorted dismissively. "I think that those of us in the right frame of mind need to take Thad aside and give him a much-needed pep talk!"
"Which presumably means that those of us that support Thad's right to make his own choices are not of the right frame of mind," snapped Drew, his eyes shooting daggers at his best friend. "You know, your attitude in all of this is on the verge of the coercive control that my ex-wife was so fond of…"
There was a gasp of shock from somewhere in the room at those words, but in no time Ethan snarled, "Are you actually comparing me to Lucy!? She was only interested in hurting people, whereas those of us that are thinking straight right now only have the best interests of…"
"…David at heart…" interjected a voice from somewhere. That statement left the former Deputy Head Warbler looking wounded and had some now spoiling for a physical fight as they tried to determine who had spoken up.
Trent meanwhile looked at his friends as if he did not know half of them anymore; he was horrified to see that every one of the close friendships that dated back to their school days was in danger of being torn apart as both parties took the opposite side. He wasn't certain, but he felt that there was a chance that even Niff could be in danger right now. He wished that he had a gavel to bang… He closed his eyes as he felt his tears starting to fall, tears not just for Thad but also for what looked like the disintegration of the entire bird brotherhood before his very eyes…
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Trent jumped, his eyes shooting open again and turned to the council table. He half expected to see Wes standing there, his wings spread wide and his eyes judging them all. What he did not expect to see was what he saw. Nick was standing there, tears rolling down his face as both Sebastian and Skylar just stared at him, mainly because he had just used one of the candlesticks from the mantelpiece as a makeshift gavel…
"You need to stop this! What good is any of this doing!? Too busy squabbling and hurting each other to help our brother when he needs us most… It is like being at work for me right now, dealing with East and West, North and South, all fighting over what is best for the world in general or Nation X in particular! I hate to say this, but Trent, you stopped short when you tried to tell these idiots – and yes, I did just call you all idiots, and I meant it – why Thad is not wanting any treatment for his cancer. Maybe if you weren't all selfish dumbasses then you would have had the intelligence to see where Trent was heading, but as you are, I will spell it out. It isn't so much WHERE he is going as WHO he is going to! Think, David; WHO is Thad going to? WES! He is going to his husband, the love of his life! How can any of you actually sit there and think that delaying that reunion is the right thing for him to do? Anyone that stands in the way of that obviously doesn't care one jot for either of them. David, I can understand why you want Thad to stay longer, but how can you think that would be a good thing for either of your best friends, when it will mean Thad might suffer longer?"
The Senior Commons was silent again, as they all contemplated what Nick had said and how he had said it, not sparing any punches. In the end, it was Beats that spoke out first. "Nick is right; that is exactly where Thad is going to, straight into the arms of the man that he always loved. He will finally get to be Thad Montgomery and be alongside Wes each and every moment for eternity…
Trent nodded in agreement, his arm now wrapped around a crying Jeff, who had looked so devastated as Nick spoke out, realising that he had been, in his own way, nearly as bad as Ethan, Flint and David…
Meanwhile at the council table, Skylar was also in tears; he was rubbing Nick's back as the latter, broken by the whole thing, was sobbing in Sebastian's arms. Neither of them had spoken out as the chaos had erupted, and they both knew that they should have. If they were to be worthy of taking over from Thad, they needed to take the initiative. The fact that he hadn't was one of the reasons why Sebastian was crying, the other being that he had been leaning towards David's viewpoint as well…
Across the room, a teary Ethan, shattered by Nick's well-spoken truths, turned to Drew and whispered, "I was being like her…"
"Not quite," sobbed Drew, "but you were getting close. If I thought that treatment would cure him, then I would help you all to drag him to it; heck, so would Wes for that matter. But it won't work, so we need to let him go…"
"I also need to apologise to you, most of all…"
"Just give me a hug, and it will be forgiven."
As Ethan hugged Drew, Flint was also in the arms of his own best friend, murmuring that he had somehow morphed into someone that always knew best and had no time or respect for other people's feelings or opinions. "Yeah," replied Beats, "I was on the verge of popping out to buy you a monstrosity of a hat…"
Flint pulled away from Beats at that, and stammered, "I was not… Oh God! I was acting like my mom!" Beats chuckled at that reaction, then took his friend back into his arms, realising he needed a hug even more after that.
Jeff had now headed to the front to hug his husband, and that let Trent walk over to the man that sat alone. He sat beside him and took his hands. "I didn't want to lose him is all, Trent. I lost Wes and now I am losing Thad, and it just hurts so much. Why am I always losing my best friend? What did I do to be the person that deserved that?"
Trent sighed and said, "It is tough, I know, but deep down you know that you really aren't losing them at all; you are just going to be seeing them on another level, and probably more often than you do now. They will still be around and will probably drive you half mad with their loved-up antics. The truth is, they will be together for the first time, and as a result, their happiness will be complete. You have to let them both have what you have with Mercedes. As their best friend, you cannot deny them that."
David nodded, and whispered, "I know that, but why does it have to hurt quite so much?" With those words, David broke down and sobbed in Trent's arms…
As for Thad, he had not gone all that far; he had sat in a chair within sight of the door to the Senior Commons, not able to hear the conversations but able to hear the sound of something hitting the council table… As he wondered who had done that, and what with, as Mr Bangy was in his pocket, he felt a draught, and looked up to see Blaine before him. Thad sighed, and said, "Is he still upset with me?" He knew that Wes had to know what was wrong with him and that explained why he had not seen him since he was officially diagnosed.
"He is past his initial anger now, because he is aware of course that all of this is part of the plan; he just wanted to see you grow old, be the next Principal of Dalton, the man that would finally rival Aaron Carmichael in his devotion to the school and its boys… Right now, he is in the Senior Commons, invisible to them, observing their behaviour. He was confident that those on your side would win and that has now proven true, thanks to the words of Robin and then the actions and words of Dove…" Thad nodded, knowing now that it had been Nick that had banged something on the council table, although he couldn't imagine what… "One of the candlesticks," Blaine said and although Thad's eyebrows raised, he realised that it had been effective.
"I could have handled this better; I should have spoken to David first on his own. He deserved that at least…"
"I don't think that would have altered what has happened one bit, as he would have kicked off in the same way. This was always going to hit him hardest of all; he is losing his best friend all over again after all…" Thad sighed, then checked his watch, and realised his ten-minute absence had now been thirteen. "Give them another two minutes. It won't hurt. By then, there should be no more crying, but plenty of tear-stained faces. Get them to vote on your choice of successors, and then send them all to lunch. You will need as good a lunch as you can manage to have the strength to deal with all the visitors you can expect this afternoon…"
Thad nodded, having anticipated that would be the case. He checked his watch again and got up from the chair. It was then that Blaine spoke again. "By the way, the first visitor will not be David. It will actually be Trent. You guessed he knew what you were about to say before you said it, and you were right. What you don't know is that he actually worked with someone else who suffered from pancreatic cancer too…"
Blaine was a little shocked when Thad burst out laughing at that point, but then he realised why. "Okay, so Trent needs to choose the numbers for my lottery ticket because I am sure he would pick the winning ones every time; he just always seems to be able to work things out and know all our secrets. I swear he is the nearest that Dalton has to Hercule Poirot, with just a dash of Miss Marple! I tell you this much now; if he lived in Ohio, then Skylar would not be sitting at that council table right now, because Trent knows all of us so well…" He paused for a moment, then asked, "Did the colleague in question have the treatment on offer?"
"Yes, she did, and it was every bit as awful for her as you imagined it would be for you. If he can tell the others about that and describe it vividly enough, that experience could prove invaluable to swaying the few doubters in the hours to come," replied Blaine. "Okay, you should go back in there before one of them notices that it has now been nearly twenty minutes since you left them for ten, and starts to think that you have left without a word as you said you would anyway…"
Thad nodded, then almost stumbled and fell as he tried to get up, Blaine grabbing for him to hold him steady. "Thanks for that; instability seems to be just another side effect of this horrendous condition. Will you tell Wes that I love him?"
"Of course I will, but he already knows that; he loves you as well, and that is why he is struggling so much with all of this. It is all happening a bit too quickly for his liking and he doesn't like to see you in pain…"
Thad nodded, then slowly walked back towards the door of the Senior Commons, from which there was no longer so much noise coming. He knocked on the door for the first time since he was a pupil, just to warn them he was back, then stepped inside. As he walked towards the council table, he noticed that only Trent was looking at him; every other set of eyes was focused on the floor in front of them, ashamed he guessed of what had just happened. He also noticed that Nick was curled into Jeff, needing his husband's comforting presence. He smiled at that and took his seat between Sebastian and Skylar. As soon as he had, he spoke.
"I think that it would be for the best if we all just forget what happened here just now; I could have handled the situation better, and should have told a few of you in advance…"
"No, we should have been more thoughtful and respectful – well, some of us should have been more than others," said Ethan quietly.
"Well, it is all forgotten," said Thad firmly. "I will not be holding any grudges, and neither should anyone else in the room. Now more than ever we need our brotherhood to be united. Now, before we took that break, I believe we were about to vote on my proposal for my replacement in the role of Head Warbler… If I could have a show of hands for acceptance of the motion?"
Every hand went up, and he noted that a few people were now looking up again, their eyes filled with sadness. "It seems as if we have a unanimous vote, which is more or less unprecedented in Warbler history," said Skylar before Thad could speak. "However, at this juncture I would like to propose something else as an addendum to what we just agreed to, namely that the change will only happen at the moment that the current Head Warbler is no longer present to carry out his role…"
Before Thad could speak, every hand shot up again. He realised that he had to accept Skylar's intervention; like the Crown of the United Kingdom, the title of Head Warbler would pass on only on the death of the incumbent…
"Well, gentlemen, that is everything for this meeting. I would like to thank you all for attending today, and moreover, for all of the support that you have given me whilst I have been privileged to be in the role of Head Warbler. I know that you will all give the same degree of support to Skylar as you have given to me and Sebastian in the future. I would also like to add that I am glad that I witnessed the arrival of the first of the next generation before I had to leave; Wes Sterling-Duval has a great vocal talent, just like his dads. Now, there is lunch in the refectory, and I am sure you will all head there to join our current group of Warblers. I will not be joining you but will be heading back to my apartment in the dorms; if anyone would like to come and talk to me on a one-to-one basis, then feel free to pop over after lunch. Oh, and just in case you didn't know, I love each of you like a brother…"
Thad banged Mr Bangy on the table, then motioned to the two men flanking him to stay for a moment as the other filed out of the door. He did wonder if David would hang back too, but he in fact was first to leave, still not looking up and on his own again. His body language was quite clear to Thad, and it said that he wanted to be left alone; the others obviously saw the same thing and let him go…
With the room now empty before him, Thad said softly to his two remaining companions, "I should have warned you both what was coming perhaps, but it was hard enough to admit the truth once…"
"It's okay, I understand fully, but I want you to know that I carry on with a heavy heart," said Sebastian.
"I also need to apologise," Skylar added. "It was what I proposed to do that forced you to come straight out with it and kicked off that whole dreadful scenario…"
"It's alright; I think that no matter how I announced the news, the whole place would have kicked off anyway; people would still have reacted in the same way…"
"As for David, I hazard a guess that he will be heading up to a certain rose bush as we speak," said Sebastian, knowing that he was the people that Thad meant. "If you want, I can pop up there just now and…"
"No, let him have his time alone, although I suspect that my husband might well be waiting for him when he gets there…"
Although nobody had sworn them to secrecy, none of the others mentioned anything when they reached the refectory and were in the company of the present generation of Warblers. They suspected that they would be told in due course, as would all of the other students at the school; it also saved them from having to discuss things themselves. What made things even worse was that Mrs Carmichael was also in the refectory, and she was so cheerful, smiling as if the whole world was perfect…
When she finally left the table that Trent was sitting at with Nick and Jeff, he turned to the other musketeers and said, "Obviously he has yet to tell her, which does come as a bit of a surprise if I am being entirely honest. All I know is that when he does tell them, both of the Carmichaels are going to be devastated…" The other two nodded in agreement, then swiftly changed the subject as Wes came over to join his parents and uncle, and then Mrs Carmichael returned with a tray on which bowls of the much-loved toffee apple pudding sat…
She watched the room after distributing the dessert, as she had a sense that something had upset her boys; normally they took their pudding bowls with huge smiles and then consumed the contents with speed and gusto; today it had been taken with no joy and then eaten so slowly by everyone except Trent and Jeff. That made her a little suspicious to say the least that something had happened in that special meeting that had upset them. She also wondered where David had disappeared to, although she suspected he had headed back to the dorms with the also absent Thad…
Jeff had eaten his pudding at his usual speed as it comforted him and in the back of his mind, he knew that he was being watched, and that if he ate slowly, then Mrs Carmichael would be right over to ask him what was wrong. When she wanted to know something, the Spanish Inquisition had nothing on the wife of Dalton's former Principal, and he suspected he would crack under her questioning in seconds…
As for Trent, he ate quickly as he feared that if Mrs Carmichael did not yet know, then perhaps Thad has also not yet told all those other people that loved and cared for him. He needed to know exactly who knew the truth so far, because otherwise there could be so much pain and heartache caused by one inadvertent that would be made as soon as the meal was over; people would naturally pass the news on to their partners and there was one partner in particular amongst the men in the room that could pass the information on to the partner of someone that shared DNA with Thad….
Trent excused himself from the table in the refectory as soon as he possibly could, and then hurried out, earning himself a few looks in the process. He did not care, as he needed to get to the Head Warbler's apartment as soon as he could. He knocked at the door then tried the handle and found the door open as he had expected it to be. He walked swiftly down the hall and into the sitting room, but was left slightly concerned when Thad started to chuckle as he walked in.
"I'm sorry, it's just that I was informed by an angel that you would be the first to come and see me, and here you are! I understand that I need to thank you for all that you said and did in the Senior Commons earlier…"
"It wasn't a problem, trust me, but right now I have an urgent question to ask you; I need to know exactly how many people know about your diagnosis other than the people in that room. I only ask because Mrs Carmichael was in the refectory at lunch, and she was her usual cheerful self… If she knew you were dying, then she certainly wouldn't have been…"
"I will admit that I haven't exactly told many people yet; I intend to pop over to see the Carmichaels later on this afternoon and break the news to them…"
"Please tell me that you have told Ollie exactly what is why you are resigning and what afflicts you," said Trent suddenly. "I know that you might have found it difficult to find the words to tell him, because it isn't an easy thing to tell a friend, let alone family, but I sincerely hope that you told him before us. I only ask because when I was in the refectory right now, I overheard a few of the others saying that after lunch they were going to break the news to their partners. You didn't tell us not to, so they are assuming it is okay. One of those guys was Beats; if he tells Elliott and he is at the diner, Michelle might find out and I would hate for Ollie to find out you are sick when his wife asks him why he didn't tell her that you had cancer… If you haven't, I can run back over and stop them making those calls until you have spoken to him."
Thad smiled at Trent, wondering once again what he had done to deserve such considerate friends. He knew that he was right, and that if Ollie hadn't found out from Michelle, then he might have conceivably found out via the grapevine in other ways, from either Lawrence or Roderick. He noted that his friend was sitting like a coiled spring, ready to burst into action straight away if need be…
"Relax, I have told him, but you are right in saying that it was hard to find the words. I actually rehearsed the call in my head, had a whole script prepared, but when it came down to it…" began Thad, recalling just how the call before the meeting had gone. He had still been reeling from his meeting with Principal Lefevre, whose face had been so sad and haunted when he told her, as if the bottom had fallen out of her world. That had made calling his brother so much harder…
He had asked him for a Zoom call, which had surprised Ollie, but he agreed and soon he was switching on his camera, as Thad kept his eyes downcast. He said nothing as he took a seat at his desk, then once he was comfortable, he said, "Hey little bro, how are things? Is there something going on, because you never ask me to make a Zoom call whilst I'm at work and you are too in normal circumstances…"
"Yes, I'm afraid there is something; it's something that I should have told you about long before now, but I just kept putting it off as it was easier. Now I have no choice…" said Thad, then he looked up, although he did not meet his brother's eyes…
"Well, I think before we go any further you need to check the colour balance on that camera of yours," chuckled Ollie. "From where I am sitting right now, you are looking decidedly yellow…" He stopped, as he saw that Thad was shaking his head and was not laughing along with him.
"I'm very much afraid that the colour balance on my camera is fine, and what you are seeing at your end in New York is what you would be seeing if I was there with you right now…"
Ollie looked concerned, and said, "That is a seriously bad case of jaundice you have…"
"I also have almost continual stomach pains, a sore back, exhaustion, a low appetite and have suffered fairly rapid weight loss in the last few months…"
Thad watched as his brother put all of the symptoms together and he reached a number of conclusions, none of them good, but some much better than the others. "Okay, I am not accepting any arguments; I am going to ask Hayden…"
"There is no need, and honestly, no point. I have already seen the school doctor and a specialist, and it is the worst case…"
"No, Thaddie! No, it can't be that!" gasped Ollie, his face betraying the fact that his heart was breaking.
"I am so sorry Ollie, but it is. I have a few weeks left at most…"
The silence that followed was the most painful of Thad's life; he could only watch as his brother allowed tears to roll unchecked down his face, no longer able to look at the screen, taking deep breaths to try and get back to his usual demeanour. It was hard though when the terminally ill patient was a relative and there was now a pain in your heart that you knew could never be mended.
It seemed like a lifetime for Thad before his brother cleared his throat, then said quietly, "Of course, there is nothing that can be done, not with that particular cancer…" It turned out that Dr Oliver Harwood's composure was short-lived, as suddenly he choked on a sob and burst into floods of tears. That set Thad off as well, and for the next couple of minutes the two brothers cried their eyes out, both wishing they were in the same room and could hold each other…
Eventually in a choked voice, Ollie had spoken again. "I'm due leave, so I will be coming to visit as soon as possible. In fact, we all will be, including little Thad. I need him to see you at Dalton, where you belong; he needs to know how loved you were there… Why did it have to be you, Thaddie? Forgive me for saying this, but why couldn't it have been dad? He deserves this, but you don't…." With that, Ollie started to cry once more, and that broke Thad's heart even more…
He realised then that he had not just recalled it to himself, but had recounted it to Trent, who looked as heartbroken as he felt. He also knew that it would be ten times worse later on when he had to tell the Carmichaels the truth, as they would be in the room…