Ως αεί τον όμοιον άγει θεός ως τον όμοιον (As always, god brings like and like together) — Attributed to Homer, 8th century BCE
The clang of a locker door being shoved closed echoed around a mostly empty room, with the sole occupant grabbing a towel she had placed on the bench behind her before making her way towards an exit. It's bad enough to have the phantom pain, Asuka thought to herself as she squeezed her free hand opened and closed, but they seriously can't expect me to wear bandages!
After her sortie with the Angel, Asuka had been recovered from Unit 01 and directed to shower and change before presenting herself for debriefing and medical examination. While the debriefing had been rescheduled, due to the operations director being otherwise occupied, Doctor Akagi had insisted on inspecting the pilot and applying bandages to her hands and arms after prodding the girl long enough to get her to admit to experiencing mild pain from her time in the Eva.
Bandages that Asuka had removed as soon as she had made her way back down to the locker rooms, intent on relieving some pent-up stress that her surprisingly easy battle against the Angel hadn't managed to burn off. She had decided to return to the pool for her workout, since that was where she would have spent her evening anyway if the Angel had not attacked—first continuing her lessons with the Third Child, then getting her own training in.
As she pushed opened the door to the pool and made her way towards it, her eye caught onto a most unexpected sight: the self-same Third Child, still in his plugsuit, sitting at the edge of the shallow end of the pool, dangling his legs in the water. What the hell is he doing here?
She tossed her towel onto a chair she passed by as she walked up behind the other pilot. Well, it looks like it's once again up to me to clean up the Third Child's mess. Why hasn't he noticed me yet? He can't serious—ah, those stupid headphones, she thought, noticing the cords hanging from his ears. She couldn't hear the tinny sounds of whatever music he was listening to, but she recalled the mixtape he preferred to indulge in being mostly older pop songs with some classical blended in.
"What the hell are you doing here, Third?" She said loudly, the boy in question jumping slightly at the sudden interruption. He quickly paused his music player and yanked the buds from his ears, turning to face Asuka with wide eyes.
"Come on, spit it out," Asuka pushed as Shinji remained silent. He placed his SDAT on the ground beside him, headphones neatly wrapped around the device, well away from the edge of the pool. "You shouldn't disappear from under people's noses like that, by the way," she added, looking down at him imperiously. "You better not have missed the end of my fight. Don't you think that Misato-san will be worried sick when she realizes you've run off?" Again?
Shinji blushed in response and turned back to the water in front of him. "It's none of your business," he said quietly.
WHAT did you just say to me, Third Child?! She resisted the urge to kick him into the pool, choosing instead to cross her arms and stand menacingly close behind him. "The way I see it, Third¸ you have limited options. One: you answer my question and hope, hope, that I deem your answer good enough that I forgive your transgressions against me. Two: you keep up your shitty attitude, and I turn you over to Misato for her to lecture you on responsibility and respect. And three: we get on with the workout we were going to skip due to the Angel fight today. We're both here at the pool, after all."
Shinji hunched over himself in response. Pool it is, then, Asuka thought as she raised one leg to shove the boy into the water.
Whether he sensed the intentions of the girl behind him or he came to a conclusion just in the nick of time, he very softly mumbled out a response before the girl could connect. "Ijustneededaplacetothink."
"What was that?" Asuka asked hotly, balancing on one leg with the other still poised in the air.
"I just needed a place to think," Shinji said more clearly, his shoulders dropping down as he unhunched himself and sighed deeply. "Not that anyone cares," he added quietly.
"Right," Asuka scoffed. She dropped her foot back to the ground. "So, you came to the pool because no one would think the Third Child, who only recently learned to swim, and I use the word swim loosely, would willingly come here?"
"Umm, well, yeah. I suppose," Shinji admitted. "When Misato-san asked me for the details about how you training me in the pool went I told her I'll never get used to swimming, and she wouldn't stop teasing me about being scared of water. I'm not scared of the water!" He insisted. "I'm just not comfortable with it."
Shinji, you idiot. You can't hide from NERV inside NERV. I learned that a long time ago. Asuka walked up next to the boy and lowered herself to a seat beside him, also dangling her legs into the water. "Misato can be a bitch sometimes," she commiserated. She caught a slight blush once again make its way onto Shinji's face from the corner of her eye.
"That's not really what I meant. She's just so childish—erm, not all the time," he corrected.
"No, for once, I think you're right, Third," Asuka said ponderously, ignoring the inquisitive look her gave her. All of the adults here act like petty children—and they call us Children, while expecting us to do their dirty work! Then when I want to try to make some changes for the better around here, suddenly they all know so much better and they're all so much wiser than I could ever be. Hypocrites. "But I don't think you came down here to reflect on Misato's immaturity." You could easily do that hiding in your room like you used to do.
"Sorry, that's, um—" he trailed off with a mumble, his head sinking back down to his chest.
You want to get into the pool that badly, Idiot? Asuka raised an arm to reach towards Shinji, who's eyes widened at the motion. "I was thinking about piloting!" He rushed out, relief washing over his features as Asuka lowered her arm.
Piloting, eh? Well, I suppose that's a decent topic to think about. I've been pretty focused on it myself for—a long time. "Well?" Asuka prodded.
"Well," he began heavily, his eyes turned to the pool's surface, "it's just that I don't know what I'm doing here." He started to bounce the heels of his feet off of the inside edge of the pool in a rhythmic manner.
Asuka let him sit in contemplation for a few moments, her aggravation and desire to push Shinji, figuratively and literally, kept in check by a growing, foreign, feeling: sympathy for the Third Child.
"When I first came here, I told Father I wouldn't pilot the Eva. I didn't know anything about it, and he wanted me to fight that monster." He raised his right hand slightly, looking at his palm. "Then he had them bring in Ayanami to pilot instead—she was already injured, and covered in bandages, when the whole room shook. Debris fell from the ceiling, and Unit 01 somehow broke an arm free to protect me. But Ayanami fell off of her gurney," he clenched his hand into a fist and closed his eyes.
I was running down the corridor to Momma's room, Papa had long ago stopped trying to keep up with me when we came to visit her. I was so excited to tell her that I had been chosen to pilot Unit 02—her Unit 02! She would have to love me again; she would have to be my Momma again!
"When I went to help her up, she was even more injured than she had been already. I decided that I had to pilot because I couldn't let her get hurt even worse." He dropped his hand back down and dipped his fingers into the water, watching the ripples they made across the surface.
When I opened the door, all I found was her body hanging from the ceiling and that horrible doll she called by my name hanging next to her. I don't know how long I stood there staring. Eventually Papa came in and called for the doctors and they took me away. I decided I would never need anyone ever again. I was a pilot from then on, that's all I would ever need.
"But I managed to screw that up," Shinji said, his anger at himself breaking into his voice. "I found out that my fight went so badly that some poor little girl is hospitalized! She might never walk again, thanks to me getting into Unit 01."
Eventually, even my Unit 02 didn't want me, and NERV discarded me like I deserved. Piloting is my life, and I couldn't even do that right anymore. "Is that where you got that bruise?" Asuka asked, her throat tight. She was making intense eye contact with the water in front of her, but she recalled the ugly mark on Shinji's face just under his left eye. As if he had been punched recently.
The boy's hand rose to gently probe the spot and he winced slightly at the touch. "Her brother goes to my school. He's in my class, even. They all figured out that I was the pilot in that first battle, so when he came to class for the first time he knew who to target. I don't blame him," Shinji added. "It's my fault. I ruined his sister's life because I decided to pilot."
I desperately tried to synch, in test after test, but in the end I wasn't even useful as cannon fodder against the 16th Angel. I just left after that.
"And then you came along, and you were so eager to fight!" Shinji sighed. "I felt useless watching you pilot—all my piloting could do was hurt people. Did you know I wasn't even awake when the other Angel was defeated? It hurt so much that I blacked out. But when you were fighting earlier, you didn't panic at all—not like I did. Even though everyone was yelling about the damage you were taking and how you must have been in a lot of pain."
I wandered the streets of Tokyo-III for a few days. The city was abandoned, but even if it hadn't been, I would have been alone anyway. No one has a use for a pilot that can't make her Eva move.
"So, if I don't pilot, people get hurt. And if I do pilot, people still get hurt." Shinji pressed on, encouraged by what he considered to be Asuka's thoughtful silence.
I hadn't had any food or water since even before I started roaming. Useless little girls don't deserve that stuff. Eventually I found a half-collapsed house with a bath still somehow working. I felt so dirty. I needed to clean myself.
"But if you're here, you can pilot instead, and Father won't need me to do it. I don't have to be responsible for people getting hurt anymore."
"Then leave," Asuka said flatly. "If you don't want to be here, just go." I folded my clothes and placed them neatly on the chair next to the bath. They were innocent and didn't deserve to be discarded so casually. Then I got into the tub and scrubbed my skin until it was red and raw. I still felt so dirty.
"It's not that simple," Shinji muttered. "Father said that the Evangelion was my mother's work. I don't know if I can just abandon it. And what if something happens, and they need me to pilot again?"
"You can't have your cake and eat it too, Shinji," Asuka told him, still mostly lost to her own thoughts. The only option I had left was to die. I couldn't kill myself, not like—like Momma. But I could just—allow myself to die. Choose not to keep living. So that's what I did.
But fuck that. Asuka stood back up, yanking the Third Child up by the shoulder to stand next to her. I decided when I ended up in this crazy shitshow that I would not let the same mistakes slip by. I would make sure everything would be done the right way. The Asuka Langley Soryu way.
"You have to make a choice, Third. It sounds to me like you want to choose to keep piloting." She turned herself towards the boy and used her grip on his shoulder to make him face her. "It sucks that some kid got hurt because you piloted. How many more would have been hurt if you hadn't? It's useless to play the what-if game." Shinji did not meet her eyes, choosing instead to stare half-lidded at the floor.
"And just what the hell do you think I'm doing here, anyway?!" She shook the boy. "Sure, I can pilot your antiquated test type until my Unit 02 gets shipped in, but I did not put time and effort into designing a training plan just for you to whine about 'oh, I can't pilot, I don't know what I'm doing, people just get hurt.'"
She released the boy and crossed her arms, turning her chin up and sneering at him. "That's bullshit! If anyone is at fault for those circumstances, its NERV, not you."
Shinji's eyes rose to meet Asuka's, and he looked to be an odd combination of crestfallen at seemingly having his feelings on the matter dismissed out of hand, but slightly pleased that someone was taking him seriously enough to at least argue with him.
"Why do you pilot?" Asuka asked him.
"Umm—sorry, but I just answered that?" Shinji responded, confused.
"I know what you just said. You said you're conflicted about piloting, but you don't want to leave. That doesn't answer the question," she said imperiously.
"I, uh, I guess I'm still not sure. Sorry. That's kind of why I was down here, if you remember what I told you earlier," Shinji muttered the last part of his statement.
Don't get brazen with me, Third! "If you don't know why you're piloting, then you aren't a pilot. You're an idiot teenager with a death wish," she informed him angrily. "You need to take this seriously, not half-ass it and expect others to pick up the slack. That's how you get into situations where yourself and others end up hurt or dead." I can't even remember how many lectures I had in Berlin on how piloting isn't a game, and I need to fully commit to it. Who the hell did they think they were talking to?
Shinji seemed to take this seriously, pondering on it for a moment before giving Asuka a questioning look. "Why do you pilot, Asuka?"
To fix this mess. "Because I'm the best, obviously," she boasted. Because I can't fail again. "It would simply be a waste of my talents for me to do anything else." To be close to Momma again. "Besides, it's the duty of the elite, such as myself, to use our skills to protect others." For revenge. "In my case, that means piloting." So that when I stand tall at the end of this fucking nightmare, no one can deny my accomplishments—they'll have to love me.
"Sorry. I guess I still need to find my reason," Shinji replied, eyeing Asuka thoughtfully.
"You do that, Shinji," Asuka told him. I'm doing this with or without your cooperation, Third. It doesn't matter to me either way. "Now, about that training session," she said, approaching the boy again.
He immediately retreated in response. "H-hey, wait! I answered your questions! I don't have to get in the water!"
"Oh, was that what I agreed to? I simply can't recall," Asuka said innocently as she grabbed the boy into a hold to keep him from escaping. "Well, either way, I'm in charge here, and I say we're starting your workout. Come on, Idiot, today you're going to swim in the deep end all by yourself."
"Actually, I'm in charge here, but I do want to see where this is going!" Came the cheery voice of the Operations Director as she barged into the pool room. Asuka and Shinji both yelped, the girl releasing her hold on the boy as they jumped apart.
"Misato! How long have you been there?!" Asuka demanded.
"Oh, I just walked in. Section Two informed me that you guys were down here making out and having a little victory celebration, so I decided to stop by," Misato accompanied this statement with a leering look.
"That's not what's going on! We were just talking!" The teens said in unison, each turning equally red at the insinuation.
"If you say so!" Their superior officer said in a sing-song voice. "Hey, speaking of being in charge, maybe the Pilot Corps could benefit from some formal hierarchy," Misato pondered. "It would mean less work for me, if I could delegate to one of you guys." Her voice trailed off in thought. "Questions for another time!" She declared, seeing the fear in Shinji's eyes and the excited gleam in Asuka's.
Easier for you? More like easier for me! Asuka thought. Maybe people would finally have to start taking me seriously if I held a real rank!
"Asuka, I just wanted to tell you that I'll be conducting your debrief tomorrow morning. I finally finished telling those chucklefucks on that flight what I think of their life choices, one of them in particular, and I can't take any more bureaucracy for today." Misato collapsed into one of the poolside chairs near to where the pilots were finally recovering from their mortification.
"After that Rits wants to see you to—" Misato quirked her head at Asuka. "Change your bandages, which I see you've removed. She won't be happy about that," she smirked and stretched her body out along the chair she occupied. "Might want to bring a peace offering when you go to meet her. Get her a pack of cigarettes or some coffee."
"It's not like those bandages do anything anyway," Asuka muttered. "And she can fuel her own vices, as far as I'm concerned."
"Your funeral," Misato snorted.
Asuka moved over to Shinji and grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him back towards the pool edge. "You can go now, Misato," Asuka griped. "We're going to get started on our training session." Shinji was putting up a light, mostly futile, struggle against the girl's direction, his plugsuited feet squeaking as they were dragged across the tiled floor.
"Oh, no, I took the rest of the night off already—and like I said: I want to see where this is going!" Misato said happily. "You know, Shin-chan, lots of boys would pay good money for what you've got right now," she teased.
Misato, you old pervert, shut your mouth!
Both teens again blushed, but before Shinji could stammer out a denial Asuka had already pushed him into the shallow end. After significantly less spluttering than the last time, Shinji stood up and glared angrily at the girl.
"Asuka! When are you going to stop doing that?!"
"Maybe when you stop letting me, Third," she said smugly as she effortlessly slipped into the water behind him. Just ignore her. You have a mission, Asuka. Your little chat with the Idiot should have been a nice reminder of the fact that this isn't just about beating the Angels; you need to set the stage and make sure all the bases are covered—just in case.
Accompanied by cheers, whoops, and verbal encouragements from Misato, Asuka began to direct Shinji to warm up in the shallow end of the pool before moving on to exercises that required more confidence.
Ω
"That's all I have for this debrief. Anything you want to add for the record?" Misato was sitting at her cluttered desk inside her even more cluttered office which rarely saw much use. She was half-hidden from sight behind the unsteady towers of ignored papers that made up her inbox. Asuka, the only other occupant of the room, was squeezed into an out of place folding chair sandwiched by a wall on one side and an unused filing cabinet on the other.
Just the weird feeling of synching with Unit 01, still, which I should have talked to the Third about at the pool. Damn it, I let myself get distracted yesterday! I can't afford to let that kind of thing happen again. Although maybe that's something I should hold off on for a while yet. No need to make him more skittish about getting into the entry plug.
"No," Asuka replied, shaking her head. "It was an easy fight. The Angel showed up, I kicked its ass. Nothing more to it," she said proudly.
"Well, let's not count on that being the case moving forward," Misato said. Asuka couldn't see the smirk on her face, but she could hear it. "Still, you—"
She was interrupted by a knock at her office door. "Eh? Come in," she called out from behind her paper stronghold. The door opened and a disheveled man stepped confidently into the room.
"You!" Misato said darkly.
"Kaji?" Asuka said at the same time. What the hell are you doing here? She furrowed her brow in thought. Unit 02 doesn't ship out until next week. It won't arrive until almost a month from now. You're supposed to be with it! That's what happened last time!
"Me," he replied coolly. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms nonchalantly.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Misato demanded as she jumped up from her seat and slammed her hands down on her desk, bracing herself against it. A flurry of papers sailed off the desk and floated to the ground.
Exactly! Wait, why am I agreeing with Misato?
"Oh, I just wanted to stop by and see a special someone," he explained smugly.
"And who said I wanted to see you?" Misato hmphed and turned her nose up at the man.
"Oh, did I imply it was you? My apologies, Katsuragi. I'm actually here for our resident Angel killer," he said as he pushed himself off of the doorframe and inclined his head toward Asuka. He flashed her a grin. "Nice job out there, kiddo. And you really pulled through for me—not too many Angel defenses on NERV Airways."
Asuka smiled at the praise, but it was not as genuine as she would have thought it would be. Partly because she was distracted by his statement. What does he mean "pulled through for him?" Was he—
"Wait, that flight was you?! What the hell, Kaji?!" Asuka demanded, rising swiftly from her seat. She planted her hands on her hips and scowled at the man. Why would the Angel be interested in you? And why didn't Misato tell me?!
Kaji chuckled and raised a hand towards the pilot in supplication. "I serve at the pleasure of the UN," he explained. "Apparently, it pleased them to send an inspector to NERV Central, and they just so happened to have one languishing in Berlin—"
"Is that what you call it?" Misato grumbled.
"—with the added bonus of him being the formal guardian of the Second Child, also recently relocated to Tokyo-III." Both women narrowed their eyes at the man, who raised his other hand to join its twin in a surrender posture. "So, I found myself on a direct flight to Japan, with a rather unlooked-for welcoming committee that was thankfully dispatched before my arrival."
I suppose that makes sense. But it doesn't explain why the Angel was so intent on the plane. Last time they attacked Unit 02 while it was in transit. Did it somehow know about my transfer this time, and it just showed up a few days late, expecting me to be on that flight? Are they planning ahead?
"Yes, you have your convenient excuses that bring you to my door. I already explained to you yesterday what I think of your brilliant decision making. Now get out," Misato demanded.
The Angels didn't seem like they put any forethought into their attacks, but could things just be different now? Ugh, I need to revisit the plan. I didn't account for these kinds of variables. Stupid girl, you should have seen this coming. Asuka could feel a headache start to set in.
"So harsh, Katsuragi. How was anyone supposed to know that an Angel would be standing ready to waylay some helpless travelers? Won't you go easy on me, for old time's sake?" Implored the Inspector.
Misato snorted in response. "Asuka, your debriefing is over. You can head down to see Doctor Akagi now—please do me a favor and take this awful man with you on your way out." She retook her seat and picked up a pile of papers at random, making a show of dismissing the other occupants as she pretended to write.
"Well, I can tell when I'm not wanted," Kaji said with a smile and a wink to Misato; she returned his gesture with a stuck-out tongue and an obscene sign that Asuka couldn't see from behind the stacks of papers. He proffered an arm to the pilot. "Shall we go, kiddo?"
"Sure, Kaji," Asuka said as she threaded her arm through his and led him out of the small office. I knew things wouldn't be exactly the same, but this is a bit much. The door whooshed shut behind the pair as they made their way down the hallway and towards a bank of elevators.
"How have you been settling in here, Asuka?" Kaji asked as he pressed the call button for an elevator.
Asuka sighed theatrically. "Well enough, I suppose," she bemoaned. With Kaji here so early, what else is going to be different? "At least my quarters are decent."
Kaji nodded sagely as they boarded an elevator. He pressed the button for the medical floor without prompting. "It's important to have a place to relax," he said. "How about the other pilots?" He raised his eyebrows at Asuka. "I hear you've been spending time with the Third Child."
Asuka's eyes widened and a faint blush rose on her face. "It's not like that!" She insisted. How many times do I have to explain this! "Training the Third Child is half the reason I'm here right now, so of course we're going to be together sometimes!" She huffed angrily. "And as for the First Child, I haven't seen her except in passing." We're going to have to meet eventually. Maybe this time someone will order her to learn how to hold a conversation beforehand.
"I'm sure you'll get to know her soon," Kaji laughed, gracefully changing the subject. The elevator doors opened, and the pair threaded their way through a stream of doctors, technicians, and nurses.
"We'll see," Asuka replied. They arrived at the examination room she had been told to wait for Akagi in, the same one she had seen her in the previous two times she had been down here. As she settled herself into a seated position on the exam bed, Kaji poked around the various cabinets and drawers in the room. Inspector Kaji taking his role a little too seriously, eh?
After only a brief moment of waiting, the door to the exam room opened to admit a tired-looking Doctor Akagi who took one glance at the pilot's unbandaged hands and rolled her eyes. "Of course. You couldn't leave well enough alone," she complained as she gently shoved Kaji away from a cabinet to pull out a sealed package of bandages from it.
"Ah, Rits, go easy on her," Kaji said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and tapping one small cylinder out to stand over the rest of the pack. The Doctor raised an eyebrow at him, then smirked and grabbed the whole pack from his hand. She plucked the raised cigarette out and brought it to her lips while she pocketed the pack.
Kaji chuckled and raised a lighter up to her, which she cupped her hands around and used to ignite her prize. "I suppose there's something to be said for initiative." She said from within a cloud of blue-grey smoke.
"The bandages don't do anything anyway, they're just a placebo," Asuka complained. Smoking in front of a patient. Again. And Kaji is encouraging her! "I wasn't even feeling any pain after I took them off. It's not like my synch score was high enough for physical injuries to manifest."
Akagi hmmed in thought as she sat on a stool in front of Asuka and opened up the bandages. "That's the prevailing theory about injuries and synch rates, yes," she said. "But we haven't gotten a chance to test it, as I'm sure you're aware. It'd be unethical to ask for volunteers for something like that. Or so I'm told," she said with a tight grin. "Hopefully, for your sake, it's something we never have to find out about."
Asuka did not reach up to reassure herself that her eye was still intact, nor did she shudder at the memory of being eaten alive. Well, I suppose I could satisfy her academic curiosity after this is all over and I can maybe think about spilling some secrets.
"And don't devalue a placebo," Akagi said, as she finished wrapping one hand and moved to the other. "Even when the patient knows they're receiving a placebo, they still have a positive effect. The power of the mind, and all that."
"This is all getting a bit outside my wheelhouse. Ladies, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head out," Kaji said, making his way for the exit.
"You should stop by my quarters later this evening, Kaji!" Asuka insisted. "We need to have dinner together to celebrate my victory and you coming to Japan!" I can squeeze some more details out of him then, maybe help me paint a better picture moving forward.
"Maybe another time, kiddo," Kaji deflected, giving her an apologetic smile. "I'm pretty busy with my UN Inspector duties at the moment. No rest for the wicked, after all," he joked.
Then what the hell were you doing barging into Misato's office and coming with me to see Doctor Akagi? "Oh, we simply have to do it sometime! Call me?" She batted her eyes at the man in a move she knew never worked.
"We'll see," he replied coolly. "Take care, ladies," he said as he walked out the door.
"Watch yourself out there, Ryoji," Akagi warned as she finished wrapping Asuka's other hand.
"I always do, Rits," came his response as the door shut behind him.
Akagi shook her head and sighed to herself. "That man is always looking for trouble. Well, Asuka, you're all set. Head up to the labs and talk to Lieutenant Ibuki; she's working on regenerating the damaged tissue on Unit 01, and you can give her a hand. And don't remove the bandages this time? Humor me, please," she implored.
"Fine, fine, whatever you say, Doctor. I'm just taking the Third running today anyway, so the bandages won't get in the way of training," Asuka grumbled. What did she mean "watch yourself out there?" Does this have something to do with how Kaji—how he died? What is he up to?
"Glad to hear it. Now get going, we've both got better things to do than sit around here chatting," she said as she pulled another cigarette from her pilfered stash and headed out the door.
Right. Like completely reevaluating my plan to unfuck things around here, Asuka thought as she stood up and made her own way out.