A/N: According to Procreate, I created the file for this chapter's art way back… near the end of May? Which means it took me more than two months to actually spend enough time working on it to finish it q_q I remember working on the majority of it over the course of like a week and then not touching it for more than a month straight lmao (I blame getting into other fandoms and wanting to work on old and new non-MHA OCs)
Anyways, enjoy Hitomi being a dumb fuckin bitch. (And by this I mean she's thinking about the worst possible outcome and making semi-questionable decisions. I love her. I adore her very much. But she is very much her own special brand of dumbass™)
Art -
[Complete Gallery] Add /21axlkt3bolc to the DeviantArt Stash URL.
[Ch. 62] Add /2qhbu9pvg9i to the DeviantArt Stash URL.
Hitomi had come to a decision after hearing that confession in the hallway.
She was gonna stomp her stupid romantic feelings into the ground.
Okay… maybe that was being a little melodramatic. And maybe she was being just a tad bit silly. After all, you could have a crush on someone and still be friends with them, right?
But… all Hitomi could think was: what if Bakugou found out…?
There were certain feelings Hitomi had been good at hiding, but embarrassment had never been one of them. And romantic love… like? Infatuation…? Whatever this was… she doubted she could hide that either.
It seemed like Bakugou finding out would be inevitable. After all, he sort of had a knack for reading people.
So… well, dammit, getting rid of this dumb crush seemed like the solution…!
...Probably.
If she didn't have these romantic feelings, she wouldn't be constantly worrying about embarrassing herself in front of him, for one thing. She wouldn't be hyper aware of every move she made around him, wouldn't be overthinking her every action. She could get along with him like normal…! Like she did before all of… this.
Another benefit was that she wouldn't risk rejection. If she was able to erase this whole I-kinda-sorta-might-just-like-you-as-more-than-a-friend thing like it had never even happened, Bakugou would never find out. He would never get put off by the idea of her being in love with him because she wasn't going to be in love with him.
Woah woah woah, slow down.
Hitomi shook her head, completely inattentive to Cementoss's lesson.
I'm getting ahead of myself by calling it love, Hitomi thought as she stared down at her class notes blankly.
It's just infatuation, she tried to reassure herself. It's not love, no way…! You're gonna shut it down before it can even reach that point.
Yeah… Yeah.
She looked up slowly, her gaze falling on spiky blonde hair four seats ahead.
...I can't believe I like him.
Honestly, when she thought about it, the fact that she liked Bakugou was what made this whole thing feel like a fucking dumpster fire.
If it had been Kirishima? Man, her life would have been so much easier. Kiri was nice! Super friendly, kind-hearted, just an overall really sweet guy. If Hitomi had liked him, the person she playfully called her bestie, this would've made things 10 times less difficult.
If she had liked him instead, Hitomi wouldn't have felt as self-conscious or worried about having feelings for him. She was pretty sure that if Kirishima found out about her supposed crush on him in this make-believe scenario, he would've let her down gently. He definitely would try his best not to make the rejection too painful, and Hitomi doubted their friendship would end just because of something like that.
Hitomi flopped her head onto her notebook, suppressing the groan that almost escaped her throat.
Why couldn't she give Bakugou that same credit? After all, he was a good friend of hers too…!
Hitomi looked forward, staring at the back of Yaoyorozu's chair.
It was because Bakugou was a wild card.
Like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.
He could be unpredictable. Especially about something like this. Stupid crushes and stupid romantic feelings.
And Hitomi had seen how he had handled a confession.
Not once, but twice.
...Granted, one of them had been a dream, infused with all the insecurities and self-doubts that often swirled in her head.
But it was similar enough to what she'd seen in reality, almost uncomfortably so. Almost like déjà vu.
"Stop wasting my time."
Hitomi sat up, leaning back in her chair with a small sigh.
I don't even want hearing that to be a possibility.
Her hand balled into a fist, her eyebrows furrowing.
She was going to do something that could be very, very foolish.
Hitomi was going to avoid Bakugou.
And all she could do was pray her feelings would go away with some distance.
After all, the less time she spent around him, the less chance there was of her feelings growing, right…?
If she let things stay as they were, her feelings could get worse and worse, and grow so much to the point she couldn't hide them at all.
So she was going to stop them now.
No worrying about making a fool out of herself.
No risking ruining their friendship.
No dealing with the stupid, stupid self-pity game she couldn't help but play.
Hitomi would make sure the only love she felt for Bakugou would be platonic. Nothing more, nothing less.
"You know, it sure is nice to switch back to winter uniforms!" Kaminari had a wide grin on his face as he closed the zipper of his bag, Sero and Mina with him in the common area. It was the beginning of the next school week, early in the morning.
"Yeah, my arms have been getting goosebumps lately!" Mina rubbed her upper arms, as if she was suffering from a chill. "It feels like autumn came a little early."
"Morning."
The squad turned to the elevator at the voice, seeing Hitomi was yawning as she stepped out. Upon seeing her uniform, they seemed to gasp.
"Hey, wait!"
"You're still using your summer uniform?!"
Hitomi blinked as she dropped her backpack onto the couch cushions next to Kaminari, staring down at her uniform shirt. "What's wrong with it?"
"Well, it's just that it's been getting colder lately," Sero pointed out, gesturing to his blazer. "A lot of us have switched already."
"Yeah, yeah, aren't you cold, 'Tomi?" Mina asked with wide eyes.
Hitomi shrugged, making her way to the dining area. Unlike the rest of her classmates, who usually ate breakfast first before getting dressed for school, Hitomi did it the other way around. She was often the last one to come down to the common area.
"Not really," she said, looking over her shoulder. "You know how my quirk uses plasma, right?"
Mina sighed, dropping her forehead onto the backrest. "I still don't get how that whole thing works…"
"Well, all I was trying to explain was that my quirk is mostly heat-based," Hitomi huffed, raising a brow. "So it's harder for me to feel cold."
Kaminari and Sero both hummed.
"I guess that makes sense."
"Man, that's so convenient though!" Kaminari exclaimed, back to wearing a grin. "You're like a human heater!" He raised his hand, pointing at something behind Hitomi. "You and Todoroki both!"
Hitomi turned to find Todoroki was leaving the dining tables, on his way to the shoe shelf by the genkan step; Hitomi had happened to be in his direct path. Todoroki paused at the sound of his name, staring at Kaminari.
"What?"
"You and Hitomi have got such useful quirks for the colder seasons! You can warm yourselves up no problem."
"Oh." Todoroki glanced at her, his eyebrows raising slightly. "I didn't know we had that in common."
Hitomi waved them both off. "Kaminari's making a big deal out of nothing. I need to eat. How much food is left?"
Todoroki glanced back at the kitchen before staring up at the ceiling in thought. "There should definitely be some rice and tamagoyaki left. I don't know if there's any more miso soup, though… I can go and check with you if you want."
Hitomi nodded, walking to the kitchen with Todoroki trailing behind her. Her shoulders fell with a sigh at the sight of the empty bowls and plates, much of the food already gone.
"Oh… guess there's no more soup," Todoroki said, scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry."
Hitomi shook her head, giving him a sheepish smile. "It's fine. No need to apologize, Todoroki."
The biggest con of waking up later than the rest of the class was that she could only choose from the leftovers. But, well, she cared more about exploiting the morning and getting as much sleep as she could anyway. Her friends made sure to save some of her favorites most of the time, but she guessed none of them had been made for breakfast today.
She was fast in gathering the last of the food on her plate, turning to the dining tables. She blinked when Kirishima waved at her, patting down the seat next to him. He was signaling to her, "You can sit with me!"
He did that from time to time the rare chances he wasn't in a rush; sitting next to her while she had breakfast just so she wouldn't be eating by herself.
Ahhh, why couldn't it have been that ball of sunshine instead?
Hitomi started to walk towards the table, only for her to pause when she realized Bakugou was sitting across from him.
Oh, nooooo.
It looked like Bakugou wasn't even done eating yet.
Hitomi could already feel herself tensing up, shaking her head erratically.
Nope. I'm not dealing with this crush stuff this early in the morning.
"Um, you know what…?" she mumbled, turning to Todoroki and shoving her tray into his hands. He'd gotten held up by another one of their classmates and hadn't had the chance to leave the dining area yet. He grunted upon receiving Hitomi's food, the utensils rattling as he tried to balance the tray.
"Hold this for me," Hitomi said with a wobbly smile. "I think… I think I'm feeling cold after all."
Todoroki blinked, a subtle shift in his expression showing confusion. "Huh? But I thought your quirk-"
"Guess it's just colder than usual today…!" Hitomi let out a forced laugh. "Just tell Kirishima I went up to my room to switch uniforms. Bye!"
Before Todoroki could respond, she ran past the dining tables and the common area to the elevators, pressing the button erratically before she finally stumbled inside.
…
Hitomi continued to pull things like that from that point onwards.
Instead of mentally detaching herself from things where Bakugou was involved, she physically went out of her way to avoid him.
Leaving the classroom the second breaks started, eating with either the girls and sometimes Todoroki and Midoriya and the others at lunch, keeping to herself in her room at the dorms. If she didn't feel the mood to be cooped up inside, she went out to Nari's workplace instead.
"You've been here three days in a row now," Nari deadpanned, watching as Hitomi sipped her drink through her straw. It was Friday of that same week, only an hour after school had ended for both of them. "Something up?"
Hitomi looked out the window, clearly intent on avoiding eye contact. "...Nothing."
Nari hummed, watching her best friend. "I know this isn't about Yoshiho."
Hitomi continued to ignore Nari's stare, knowing what she was referring to. Putting aside all her crush stuff, Hitomi and Nari had been getting closer with Yoshiho ever since Hitomi had made that group chat for the three of them. Nari had made conversations between them flow easily, and despite Yoshiho's hesitance at first, she was opening up bit by bit. She'd even gotten comfortable enough to try video calling with them a few times, which had actually been going pretty well so far.
But that wasn't the topic at hand right now.
With a snort, Nari leaned forward, pulling Hitomi's cheek. The bluenette choked on her tea, letting out an odd mix of a yelp and a cough.
"Hey!" she spluttered, cradling her cheek. "Ow!"
Nari snatched the boba out of Hitomi's hands, holding it out of reach. "Something's definitely up."
Hitomi blushed, trying to grab it back. "I told you it's nothing…!"
Nari held her face back with her other hand, staring Hitomi down with half-lidded eyes. "Don't give me that 'it's nothing' crap! I've known you for long enough, dumdum! And I can tell you're bottling something up again!"
Hitomi leaned back, her eyebrows furrowing. "It's not a big deal!"
"If it wasn't a big deal," Nari huffed, "you wouldn't be here right now." She placed Hitomi's boba back on the table, leaning forward. "You want to talk about it, right? That's why you kept coming here." She tilted her head, now looking concerned. "What's going on?"
Hitomi froze, her gaze falling down to the table sheepishly. "You'll think it's stupid. Heck, I think it's stupid. But, I don't know what else I could do…"
"Hitomi, you know I wouldn't think that way. Come on, what's bothering you?"
Hitomi sighed, cradling her forehead in her hands. "Remember how I told you about… my crush? Y'know, the one I have on Bakugou…?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't want it."
Nari was quiet for several seconds.
"...Come again?"
Hitomi took a deep breath, sitting up straight in her seat. "I don't want these feelings I have for him."
"Yeah, no, I understood that," Nari replied. "But… why? You guys are friends, aren't you?"
Hitomi nodded, scrunching up her skirt in her hands. "That's exactly the point. I don't want to ruin the friendship we have with how I feel."
Nari's voice was gentle as she spoke. "Hitomi, you're getting ahead of yourself. There's nothing wrong with crushing on a friend, and I wouldn't go so far as to say it would ruin your friendship."
"No no no," Hitomi protested, shaking her head. She held her cheeks, a blush starting to look more apparent on her face. "I can't even look at Bakugou without getting embarrassed. My heart starts beating really fast, it's like I can't speak… I feel like I get 10 times clumsier in front of him…!" Her hands moved to now cover her face, muffling her voice. "I feel like I'm being super obvious and it's too much embarrassment for me to deal with!"
"Come on, Hitomi, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. You're overthinking things. It's just a crush."
"It's not 'just a crush'," Hitomi shot back, lowering her hands. "Tsuyoshi Shiba from elementary school was just a crush."
Nari's nose scrunched as she remembered the mischievous boy with unruly reddish brown hair and a magnet quirk Hitomi had liked back in grade school. "And how is this one different?"
Hitomi bit her lip, staring down at her boba. "Tsuyoshi was friendly," she mumbled. "Even though he always broke the rules, and caused trouble for everyone, he was always nice to me. To everyone. That's why all the other girls liked him too. Bakugou is far from that."
She sighed, her shoulders sagging. "He's rude, abrasive, and a lot of the time he's pretty unapproachable. I think I was only able to become friends with him because I was friends with Kirishima first."
Nari stared at her intently, paying close attention to Hitomi's every word.
"He's not someone who will let you down gently if that's not how he really feels. Bakugou's earnest, honest to the point it can even come off as brutal. I saw it for myself when someone confessed to him."
Nari's eyes widened. "Someone had the guts to do that?"
Hitomi nodded. "He was really harsh to her. And I felt bad for her too. He'd said some really rude things to make sure she wouldn't bother him again." Her eyebrows furrowed as she wore a small frown. "What if he says similar things to me if he finds out how I feel?"
Nari grabbed Hitomi's hand, giving it a squeeze to try and reassure her best friend. "Hitomi, I think you're jumping to conclusions. You and Bakugou are friends. That means you're important to him in some way or another, right?"
Hitomi didn't say anything in response at first, only staring at their hands.
"Even if that is the case," she said slowly, "I… I don't want to risk anything. I don't want to have to deal with all this embarrassment, or make things awkward between us. I… I really admire him, y'know? Despite his flaws. He's… important to me. And… I don't want to mess up our friendship because of some dumb feelings. A crush on him only complicates things. That's why I don't want it."
"Your feelings aren't dumb, Hitomi."
Hitomi looked to the side with an unamused expression. "They sure make me feel that way around him," she huffed. "It's like I lose brain cells." Her cheeks turned another slight shade of red as her voice lowered to a whisper. "...I've started thinking he has a nice butt."
Nari burst out laughing. "You- You what?!"
"This is what I'm talking about!" Hitomi spluttered, her blush darkening. "I get stupid thoughts like that…!"
Nari continued to laugh, practically in tears as Hitomi stared down at the table in shame. After a few moments, the laughter slowly subsided as Nari rested her chin in her hand with a small sigh. "Well, that sure is something. So… not wanting to ruin your friendship, huh?"
Hitomi leaned back in her seat, staring up at the ceiling with a melancholic expression. "Yeah. I don't think I could handle a harsh rejection like that girl did. And we live in the same dorms because we're in the same class, so… I don't want to create any tension between us. Getting rid of this crush seems like the best thing I can do right now."
"I guess when you put it like that, I can see where you're coming from…" Nari leaned forward. "Personally, I still think you're overthinking things, but I won't argue with you if that's what you've decided on. What are you doing about it?"
Hitomi tensed, looking away sheepishly. "...Avoid him until it goes away," she mumbled.
Nari's eyebrows raised. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You know there's the possibility of your feelings getting stronger with distance. Yearning and all that stuff."
Hitomi waved her off with a nervous laugh. "That's only if it's actually love, Nari…! This… This isn't that. It's fleeting. Definitely… not love. It'll disappear after a while, I'm sure of it."
Nari squinted at her, in disbelief. "...Just a minute ago you were talking about how much you look up to him and how important he is to you."
"Well- yeah, that's as his friend…! I really cherish him as a… a friend." Hitomi nodded slowly, looking as if she was trying to convince herself. "Yup."
Nari cradled her face in her hand with a groan. "Oh my god."
"What…?"
"Hitomi, exactly how many times have you dealt with having a crush before?"
"Um…? Well, just two, I guess. Tsuyoshi in elementary and Bakugou now…"
"…Of course. That explains it."
Hitomi tilted her head. "Explains what exactly?"
Nari shrugged. "Nothing," she teased with a mischievous smile. "I just think it's funny that you're really smart yet oblivious at the same time."
Hitomi looked offended. "What's that supposed to mean…?"
That Hitomi Kanetsukabe was dense as all hell.
At least when it came to her, specifically.
If her relationship with Bakugou really mattered this much to her, then it was clear that her feelings were already more than what she believed they were.
A/N: someone on Wattpad commented a long time ago something about the A.A.S. ("Adrien Agreste Syndrome") so I threw in a "just a friend" line for shits and giggles hehe
Also I hope this chapter helped make Hitomi's thought process and anxieties about this a bit more understandable! She knows she's being at least a little dramatic and even a bit silly, but Hitomi has a tendency to assume the worst and is taking whatever preventative measure she can to stop the outcome she's conjured up from happening.
And Nari can't really give proper advice about it because, well, she doesn't know Bakugou that well! At the end of the day she just doesn't want Hitomi to get hurt so she tries to trust her judgement since Hitomi understands Bakugou better than her 😔