A/N: this chapter's a bit funny in that my need for dramaticness and the way shoujo anime has influenced me battles with the pragmatic and more realistic lens I'm slowly developing as I get older. You'll see lol

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Hitomi traced her fingers across her cheeks, sucking in a breath. They felt like they were on fire.

She loved him.

A weight felt like it was slowly getting lifted off her shoulders.

Hitomi loved him. She loved him. Hitomi loved Bakugou.

The more she said it over and over in her head, the more right it felt. The more it felt like that weight disappeared.

I love him.

I love Bakugou.

I'm in love with Bakugou.

Maybe she was overthinking her feelings.

But telling herself it was anything but love just seemed wrong.

"I love him," she whispered, staring down at the floor.

It wasn't the same pure, platonic love she held for Nari, or Kirishima. This was different, felt different.

Hitomi got up slowly, keeping a hand on the door to keep herself from falling over. She bit her lip, making her way to her bed and taking a seat.

How had it come to this…?

She already knew he was important to her, but… when had it come to the point where he mattered to her this much?

Hitomi didn't even know anymore. It wasn't like figuring that out would suddenly reset how she felt about him, anyway. She shook her head, brushing some of her hair back.

If anything… she'd just been naive.

With the weight off her shoulders, it put things into perspective, made things just a little bit clearer for her. Like a fog in her head had been cleared away.

She had acted childish about this whole thing. Believing that running away, and not confronting how she felt would suddenly solve her problems. Avoiding him wasn't going to change anything.

Not her feelings about him… or herself.

Because how she felt about him wasn't the only thing she was running from.

Hitomi had been trying to push it down, act like she had finally moved past it, but it would bubble up every so often, manifest itself within some crap excuse to justify running away from Bakugou.

That she was not. Good enough. For him.

That she wasn't good enough for anyone.

It'd been lingering in the back of her mind, hanging over her head, every time she told herself Bakugou finding out she liked him would weird him out, disgust him, make him want to stay away from her entirely.

Because what right did the useless, inferior, guilt-ridden Hitomi have to fall in love with the strong, resilient, and admirable Katsuki fucking Bakugou?

That was the tiny, little thought that had been fueling all of this, like an itch that would never go away.

That someone like her didn't even deserve to love someone like him.

Hitomi rubbed her eyes, not even surprised to feel that tears had smeared on her hand. She had started crying.

So this was what she had been running from.

Not just the fear that she could lose someone so important to her, but… her own self-hatred. Her self-pity. Her horrible, horrible tendencies to belittle her own worth.

And Hitomi had to make sure she didn't let these suffocating feelings brew for any longer.

Ignoring them had made them worse. Confronting them was the only option she had left.

Hitomi took in a deep breath, getting up from the mattress. She grabbed a jacket from her closet before leaving her bedroom, running down the stairs, through the common area and all the way to the front door. She hastily slipped on her shoes, stumbling out of the entrance and down the front steps. There was a momentum she had going that she didn't want to lose now.

Hitomi sprinted down the path of Heights Alliance, heading straight for the jogging trail. Her breath was hot, her face burning as she ran like her life depended on it.

She'd been a hypocrite. Telling Kirishima not to bottle things up while she had kept a lid on things so tight that now it felt like they were going to explode.

She continued to run, her steps against the concrete the loudest sound between the autumn breeze blowing and the tree leaves rustling. Her vision grew blurry as her eyes teared up, the bluenette hastily wiping the moisture away.

Run. Just keep running.

Hitomi continued to make her way down the trail, hair blowing behind her and tears falling down her cheeks. She kept running even after she was out of breath, her legs tingling and unable to think straight.

"Keeping all that pent up inside… until it all boils over, it's a bad idea."

Had she ever actually, legitimately taken his advice…?

Ever even considered it?

Hitomi stumbled, trying to stop herself from falling over as she kept running.

She'd kept it all pent up this whole time, trying to pretend it wasn't even there, and it kept boiling and boiling over and now it was ready to burst.

She couldn't breathe, her vision blurry from the tears in her eyes as her thoughts ran rampant. Everything was a muddled mess in her head.

"Trying is enough. You may think you haven't changed, but you're wrong. The fact you're going to try is proof of that."

Trying. All that mattered was she tried. No matter how bad her feelings were, how much they scared her, she had to try and face them. Confront them and acknowledge that she felt the way she did.

Accepting that her feelings were real was what she had to do if she wanted to make that change Bakugou had been talking about. In order to grow from them. No matter how long it took, no matter how awful they were, no matter what bad days they caused her. Ignoring them obviously hadn't done her any good.

Hitomi finally made it to a clearing, placing her hands on her knees to catch her breath as her tears dropped onto the ground. She scrubbed at her face with her sleeve, sniffling as crickets chirped around her.

She couldn't do this anymore. It tired her out, exhausted her so, so much to feel this way, to hear that little voice nag her in the back of her head that she wasn't good enough for anybody. It exhausted her, whenever the thought seemed to slither its way into her head that Bakugou was so far out of reach because she had believed her worth was really that minuscule.

This whole time… she had been placing Bakugou on this pedestal while placing herself at the bottom of a canyon. She had been telling herself this whole time that he was so out of reach, that she couldn't even see him.

And it had to stop.

Hitomi needed to stop doing this to herself.

She needed to stop letting herself drown in that river of inferiority and insecurity. She needed to stop bottling everything up, and letting it fester and fester until the point where it would explode in her face.

She had to stop trying to convince herself that ignoring things was really the solution, that avoiding it all would make everything simpler and wouldn't do any damage.

Because clearly, it had done damage. To her and Bakugou both.

Bakugou was a precious friend to her. And apparently, she was important to him too, in some way or another. Or had been, now.

Treating him the way she had had clearly hurt him, more than she'd realized. He had called her his friend, which meant that she mattered to him.

And she had hurt him. She had him feel insecure about himself, made him feel like a fool, made him think their relationship had been one-sided this whole time.

All because she had been too afraid to face how she felt.

Hitomi pulled her arm away from her face, looking up at the sky. It was a full moon tonight.

"Moon Face."

That was what Bakugou had begun to call her lately. A nickname for her that he had come up with as her friend.

Hitomi wanted to do better. She wanted to be better, to be a good friend to him, to show him kindness, to show him how important he was to her. She wanted to be one of the good things in his life.

She wanted to put an end to all this self-destructive behavior, to stop squashing her feelings down. She, for once, just wanted to let it all out.

Trying was enough.

Hitomi stood up straight, the wind blowing and whipping her hair around.

Steeling her nerves, she took a deep breath, her eyes glued to the moon, and let out a scream with every fiber of her being.

…

Screaming into the open air in the middle of the night like that had been cathartic, in a way.

Too bad doing that had gotten her caught by one of the school security bots patrolling the property after curfew.

Aizawa's wrath was not something to be taken lightly, this she knew for sure now being at his mercy.

"So what exactly made you think it was a good idea to go out at this hour and scream like someone was being murdered?" her homeroom teacher grumbled, crossing his arms.

They were in the 1-A dorms dining area, with Hitomi seated at one of the tables while Aizawa was standing at the edge. She had come back only to find him waiting for her on the front steps, obviously unhappy; he'd been sent a notification and had clearly been expecting her. Hitomi was really in for a scolding now. "I expect better from you, Kanetsukabe."

Hitomi winced, fidgeting with her hands on the tabletop. There was no way in hell she was going to talk to her stoic, sleep-deprived teacher about her romantic problems. "Uh, well, that is…"

Aizawa raised a brow, awaiting her answer.

Hitomi blushed, her eyes squeezing shut. "It's… well, um, personal stuff…!" she stuttered, shifting around in her seat anxiously. God, she didn't want to see Aizawa's reaction to this bullshit. This was already mortifying enough as is. "Y'know… typical… teenager things. I- I really don't want to talk about it, Aizawa-sensei, so please don't make me get into anything specific… It's nothing serious, I swear-"

She slowly looked up at his face, only to scream internally when she saw his unamused expression. She wished she could crawl into a hole and die, right now. Hitomi clapped her hands together hurriedly, bowing her head down.

"I'm being a hundred percent honest…!" she squeaked, her face on fire now. "Nobody was in danger, and there wasn't an intruder or anything like that, I promise…!" She lowered her hands, placing them in her lap in shame. "I just… I- I needed an outlet. Screaming seemed like the best way to let it all out. I didn't wanna wake everyone else up, so…"

Aizawa sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "...I see," he said slowly. "Alright, then. But I would hope you don't pull anything like this again, Kanetsukabe. That's what the school guidance counselor is for."

Hitomi sweatdropped, staring down at the floor sheepishly. She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to Hound Dog about this. She'd probably stick with Nari, but was thankful for the advice, anyway. "Yes sir," she nodded quietly.

"As for causing minor unnecessary panic and going out after curfew," Aizawa continued, his stare hardening. "Your punishment is two days of detention doing an extra cleaning of the classroom. On Monday and Tuesday, one hour each after school. Understand?"

Another quiet nod from Hitomi. "Yes sir."

Aizawa let out a huff, turning away from the table. "Good. Now go to bed."

"Eeeehhhhhhhh?!"

Hitomi winced at the Bakusquad's loud volume, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly.

"You, of all people," Kaminari exclaimed, "got detention?!"

Hitomi nodded, a bright pink blush on her face. They were gathered in the common area as she told them of her predicament, although Bakugou was by his lonesome at one of the dining tables, still eating. Hitomi guessed he had gotten up later than usual and was only eating now because they had both been up for longer the night before.

Kirishima wore a concerned look. "What did you even do to get in trouble?"

Hitomi sighed, looking away. "It's a secret," she said sheepishly, holding a finger to her lips in a joking manner. She walked past the couches, feeling a faint rumble in her stomach signaling she needed breakfast already. "It's just an extra two hours of cleaning, that's all. Nothing to worry over, alright?"

Before they could argue about it, she left, making her way to the kitchen. After grabbing a tray of food she'd eat for the morning, her eyes fell on Bakugou, brooding it over.

She… wanted to be better to him.

When she had returned to her room last night after Aizawa's scolding, she'd gotten more time to think back on everything, and had finally decided on what she was going to do.

She would just let her feelings be. No more trying to get rid of them, no more trying to ignore them. This wasn't to say she would scream she loved him every two seconds (good god, she would never do that in a million years, especially given she just wasn't like that in general), but rather that she wouldn't deny to herself that she obviously cared for him in a way more deeply than everyone else. She would just be acknowledging that her feelings were there.

And she would do her best to acknowledge her other feelings as well. Her insecurities, her guilt, everything. She would do her best not to belittle or demean how she felt, even if she found herself struggling with it. After all, Bakugou had said trying was enough. The more she tried, the easier it would become to grapple with everything.

All that mattered to Hitomi now was being the best friend to Bakugou that she could. If he would let her, of course. She would make it clear how precious he was to her, how much she loved him from now on, whether he realized it was romantic or not. If he did, and he eventually rejected her… then, so be it.

All she cared about now was enjoying the time she could spend with him as much as she could.

Hitomi took a deep breath, steeling her shoulders and making her way to the edge of Bakugou's table. "Morning..."

The blonde paused, his chopsticks midway to his mouth before he looked up at her. Hitomi smiled unsurely, gesturing to the seat across from him. "Mind if I sit here?" she asked.

Bakugou was silent for a few seconds until he huffed, stuffing his food into his mouth. "Doesn't seem like I'd be able to stop you either way."

Hitomi set her tray down at his answer, plopping down into the seat and clapping her hands together with a quiet "thank you for the meal." She began to eat, looking up every so often to gauge Bakugou for any kind of reaction. He didn't seem to be particularly bothered, only at his usual aloofness and apathy that he carried around everyone.

"...I have detention after school on Monday and Tuesday."

Bakugou looked up at her from his breakfast, the chopsticks still in his mouth. "Hrm? The fuck does that have to do with me?" he grumbled.

Hitomi laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well… you know how I said I was dealing with some things last night? I, uh- dealt with it. By screaming outside. Aizawa-sensei got mad about it, obviously, because it sounded like I was screaming bloody murder, so I got in trouble. I just… figured I'd tell you."

Bakugou looked back down at his food, huffing. "Good to know," he mumbled, getting up from his seat with his tray in hand. Hitomi realized his plate was clear, meaning he was already done eating. "The dumbass is still a dumbass," he snorted, before turning away and leaving.

Hitomi watched him unsurely, biting her lip. Was his reaction… a good or bad thing? He didn't seem particularly hostile, but… he didn't seem very friendly, either. Not like he was usually, though.

With a sigh, Hitomi shook her head, returning to eating her own food.

All she wanted at this point was to be a good friend to him while she still had the chance.

Hitomi took every chance she could to be a better friend to him.

Doing things like going out of her way to greet him if he was nearby, trying to make conversation with him, even cheering him on if he happened to be doing something competitive, like during training. She did her best to show him real, genuine smiles rather than plastering on the fake ones she'd been wearing lately.

She didn't know whether he was put off by it or not. After all, Bakugou was honestly pretty hard to read.

However, he didn't do anything to stop her, and to Hitomi, that was a win in her book. After everything, she at the very least wanted to make up for her previous behavior towards him.

She was able to keep this up for two and a half days, and before she knew it, she'd made it to the end of Tuesday, waving goodbye to the rest of the class as they all left to go back to the dorms.

Aizawa hung by the doorway as they all filtered out, giving Hitomi a nod before closing the door behind him and leaving her alone in the classroom.

Day #2 of detention, here we go.

Hitomi shrugged off her blazer with a sigh, hanging it on the back of her seat and rolling her sleeves up.

In hindsight, screaming all my frustration out in the middle of the night really was a little overdramatic…

She pulled open the doors of the broom closet in the back right corner of the classroom, her eyes scanning over the inside. The storage cabinet that sat a few feet behind her desk had all the cleaning supplies 1-A used inside.

Best to just do the same routine as yesterday.

Cleaning all the desks, the windows, the chalkboard, clapping the chalkboard erasers. It was mundane, just like the day before, and in total all these tasks took her a little over half an hour.

Hitomi picked up the bucket of water she'd used with a towel to clean the desks and windows, glancing up at the clock at the front of the classroom.

27 more minutes to go…

All she had left to do was mopping the floor and taking out the trash.

Hitomi blew her hair out of her face, shouldering open the door and making her way down the hallway to the closest sinks so she could refill the bucket with some fresh water. When she got back, she placed it on the floor and fell into one of the front row seats tiredly, groaning into her hands. Mopping the floor was the most labor-intensive task, given she had to move all the chairs in order to cover every spot.

Screaming outside in the middle of the night had been a really silly thing to do.

Looking out the window and through the glass walls of the hallway, she could see the sky was orange, meaning the sun had begun setting. Hitomi huffed, shaking her head and getting up from her seat.

Best to start now, she thought, grabbing the mop from out of the storage cabinet.

The atmosphere was tranquil as she cleaned the floor, quiet and undisturbed. It wasn't long before Hitomi finally began to hum to herself, mumbling the lyrics of a song she'd listened to last night. The slow rhythm of the song fit the warm, relaxing setting she currently found herself in.

She continued to make her way around the classroom, pushing chairs out of the way to mop the spot underneath them and putting them back in place afterwards. She was lucky the chairs had wheels, making the whole process a lot easier. Still time-consuming, but easier.

Eventually, she finally made it to the back, now cleaning the area clear of any desks. She was still humming that song, her eyes trained on her work until a knock sounded at the door.

Hitomi looked up in surprise, pausing. "Aizawa-sensei…?"

The door slid open, her eyes widening to find it wasn't her homeroom teacher standing there, but…

"Bakugou?" Hitomi said slowly, her eyebrows raising into her hair. She stood up straight, gripping the mop handle against her shoulder. "What are you doing here? It's already…" She glanced back at the clock. "...4:57. I thought you went back to dorms with everyone else a while ago."

Bakugou huffed, closing the door behind him. "Well, obviously, I didn't. Been at school the whole time." The fact he still had his school bag seemed to prove his point as he set it down on the closest desk.

"I see…" Hitomi tilted her head, smiling timidly. "Well, did you need something…? Like, from your desk or whatever? I'll just grab it for you."

Bakugou stared down at the desk, his fingers tightening around the edge. "Yeah," he grumbled, looking up at her. "But not from the classroom. I need to talk to you."

Hitomi blinked. "Oh…! Well, my detention should be over in about 10 minutes, so just give me a bit…"

Bakugou turned to face her, crossing his arms. "I'm not waiting until later," he said sharply, his eyes narrowing. "We're talking now."

A/N: At some point, Hitomi's feelings for Bakugou had become toxic and unhealthy for her. She has a tendency to wallow in her own self-pity because she has a hard time liking the person she sees in the mirror, so when she realized she had a crush, she subconsciously saw it as an excuse to continue hating herself and indulge in her own unhealthy mindset.

…And imma be honest and say that this chapter was not a part of this arc originally. I didn't really plan for this kind of development when I first wrote it, but when I'd look back and do all the rewrites I was like "holy shit Hitomi are you okay? Did I really write her to dislike herself this much? 😭 "

In the original drafts she would compare herself constantly to him, so I ended up exploring it more with this chapter and it became a way for her to finally address the toxic mindset she developed because of her feelings for Bakugou.

This arc is kind of a mess to me, but this was one of the developments I ended up liking with all the rewrites. I hope it wasn't too confusing to understand ÓvÒ;;