Private Life
by Castlefan6
Authors Note AU: Beckett and Castle have reached their first If Only moment, which forces Rick to leave the precinct. The episodes Cops and Robbers and To Live and Die in LA have been rearranged to suit this Timeline; please go with it.
I am taking a Literary License to fill in the blanks.
I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement, except the ones I create.
This is COMPLETELY AU and May or May Not Wind Up with a Caskett Ending.
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Chapter 11
NYPD
Three Months Later
Kate had made it through possibly the second worst news she had ever received; after her mom's murder, her BFF, Maddie, was set to marry the writer that she had secretly carried a torch for his affections for more than a decade. She had done what she always did when her personal life dived: she doubled down at work.
Roy wasn't watching her as closely anymore, but she knew that some of the confidence he had in her would never be regained. He was strictly business, not asking about her Dad or how her weekend was on the occasion that she didn't find some reason to come to the station.
She and Maddie were doing well; in fact, Maddie had invited her to go dress shopping with her this weekend, and of course, she accepted. They both knew that they would always share one thing: a love for a particular mystery writer.
She was shocked when Paula released a press release announcing that Black Pawn and Richard Castle had decided to part ways. After 16 years and thirty-one best-selling novels with Black Pawn, American Publishing Company would publish his latest book. She didn't question Maddie, sticking to her pact that anything to do with Rick was off-limits.
She did appreciate it when Maddie called her, "Becks, I know you've seen the press release from Paula Haas; she rushed it; it wasn't supposed to be released until Friday, but once it's out, it's out there for everyone. I talked to Rick, and he was OK about me telling you before it was announced, but Paula overheard us and took out her spite for us both," She said,
"Why would she do that, Maddie? I know why she hates me, but you?" Kate asked,
"Wow, for a cop, you do miss a lot on the personal side of relationships; Paula would fuck Rick in Times Square at high noon if he would have her, and don't ask. I know some things Rick shared in confidence, but they have to stay there, anyway. I'm sorry I was late getting the news to you." She said,
"Hey Maddie, it's nice that you think of me, and my feelings and that Rick approves of you telling me, but I didn't get my feathers ruffled about that. About Paula, I guess you're right; looking back, she always seemed to hate whomever Rick was with, even for business." Kate said,
"DUHH, Earth to Becks, she's in love with him and always has been. I think he set her straight after this episode. I got a call apologizing for her jumping the gun and screwing up my plans, so I know Rick got all over her ass.
"He doesn't get angry often, but I caught the end of a call a few days before, and he was letting her have it, threatening to fire her if she pulled any more stunts. He even told her that if he dumped Black Pawn after the connection he had with them, he would have her replacement in her office before the hour was up.
"As I said, he doesn't anger easily or often, but he was hot. I took a walk and then came home." Maddie said,
"That's a side I never saw of him, all the barbs, all the crap; he never lost it once. I know he's got a deeper connection with Roy and the Mayor, but I stopped my snooping when you two got engaged." Kate replied,
"I appreciate you sticking to your promise, Becks. I don't know how I will get through the next several months without someone to help or at least lean on. I never knew that planning a wedding was so tiring, and well, Rick is such a sweetheart. If I want it, he arranges it. There are no questions or concerns about price, so how can you not love him? Oh, I'm sorry, Becks. That is TMI." Maddie said softly
"Maddie, it's your wedding, you love him, so talk about him, I'll be fine. I told you how I felt that I was happy or would be happy for him and you soon; at least I know he is getting a great bride," She smiled into the phone, trying to take some of her friend's guilt away.
"Thanks, Becks. That means a lot is coming from you." She said, sniffled,
Kate needed to change the subject quickly, so she asked, "We're still on for dress shopping next Saturday, aren't we? I don't know how many more weekends I can get off, and you're in the middle of selling your restaurant, so I know our schedules will be a mess." She replied,
"Of course, we're on for shopping. Rick and I will have to go to the bank on Friday to finalize some paperwork. One of the restaurants has sold and will be closing the deal Friday," she said, then added, "That's not public knowledge yet, Becks, so keep between us, please," and smiled into the phone,
"Yeah, like, who am I going to tell? It's not like I have the National Inquirer on speed dial to leak all the gossip to," she laughed.
"Don't kid about that rag, Rick hates it more than almost anything. All the crap they have printed about him, he's sued them at least ten times, and they always settle out of court. I don't know what idiots are buying that paper, but it's making someone a ton of cash to pay out the lawsuits they do." She said, turning serious.
"Hey Becks, where are you at now? I just walked into Java Hut across the street from your precinct. Can you break away for a quick coffee?" Maddie asked,
"I was just about to grab lunch, so sure, coffee sounds good. Grab a booth, and I'll buy one of their scones; I'll see you in a few minutes." She said, wondering what caused the sudden change in her friend's demeanor and why she wanted to meet.
She walked in and saw Maddie holding up a box of pastries and two coffees, so she smiled and walked back to greet her friend. "Hey, Girl, what's up? I could have bought my coffee and pastry, but thank you," Kate said as she greeted Maddie,
"I know you could, but well, once we have our drinks and pastries, they won't bother to check on us, and I need to ask you something." She said, and Kate noticed a shyness, almost embarrassment, coming over her.
"Of course, Maddie, you know you can ask me anything. We've been friends our entire lives," she tried to reassure her,
"I know Becks, but this is big, I mean. Remember when we were little, and I would get those feelings like something was going to happen, and a lot of times they did?" she asked.
"If you mean the times we cut school, and my Mom busted us because she had overheard us the night before, and a few other instances, yes, I remember. What has that got to do with what you want to ask me?" Kate said gently, seeing Maddie's seriousness.
"How much do you love Rick, Kate? I mean, that's unfair, but you'll understand why I'm asking in a few minutes. Do you love him enough to give up everything for him?" Maddie had tears in her eyes, and Kate knew this was serious to her,
"Maddie, you know, hell, everyone knows I love Richard Castle, even he knows now that you told him. How much do I love him? Maddie, do you really want to know? I mean, I won't answer if it's going to hurt you." She said,
"Kate, I have to know. Just bear with me a little longer, please. I promise I won't hold anything you say against you. I have a problem, and you're the only one I can turn to," she said, her eyes filling more with unshed tears,
"OK, Maddie, if you're sure," Kate looked as uncomfortable as she felt,
"Please, Kate, I wouldn't ask if there were any other way," She said,
"OK, Maddie, I mean, I told you that I was getting over Rick, but I lied. I love him more than anything on this earth. You asked if I would be willing to give up everything for him. I would have said no a year ago, but now, hell, I have nothing without him, nothing that means anything anyway." She said as Maddie's tears finally fell,
"I'm sorry Maddie, I tried to stop loving him, I swear, you can even talk to Dr. Burke, my shrink."
"Becks, Becks, KATE," finally getting her to focus on her. It's OK, it really is. It's the answer I was praying for." She saw the shocked look come over her friend's face.
"I don't understand Maddie. Can you please explain to me?" she said, as her eyes now had tears ready to fall,
"Kate, you have faced death several times in your life, me not so much, but I can't shake this feeling. I keep thinking that something is going to happen to me, not Rick, but to me to keep me from marrying him and having my fairy tale ending to my life." She said that as Kate reached over and took one of her friend's hands, the other held the tissue to her eyes, where the tears were flowing in earnest now.
"Oh, Maddie, you have to expect to have all sorts of thoughts. You and Rick have been going full tilt for almost a year now, working and planning your lives together. Have you talked to Dr. Solomon? "Kate asked, referring to the psychologist they both visited in their senior year of high school.
"No, not yet. I need to ask you something first, then I'll make an appointment with Dr. S and talk with Rick, I promise. It's important Kate, and I have to have your answer today." She said as Kate tried rubbing small circles on the back of her hand gently to calm her down,
"OK, OK. I'll give you my answer, but you have to ask the question first, Maddie," she said, trying to calm down her friend.
"OK, but please don't stop or interrupt me. I won't get through this twice, I know. She turned and looked directly into her eyes and started to speak.
"Kate, if my feeling comes true, and something happens to me, I mean, hell, I don't have to spell it out. Will you take care of Rick? He really needs someone to take care of him, and Alexis is almost engaged herself; besides, it's unfair to ask her.
"Me? Maddie, you can't just assign Rick's welfare to someone else, especially someone he hates. I love you; you're like a sister to me, but what makes you think that Rick would even allow me near him if, and I stress IF the highly improbable event occurs?" She asked,
"Kate, he doesn't hate you; he cares about you; that's why the hurt and the lie especially were so bad for him. He told me once that before he and I got together, he wondered why everyone else was good enough for you, everyone but him. I asked him if he ever had feelings for you, and he was honest.
"He admitted that at first, he tried to impress you, to show you that he wasn't the same guy who lived his life on page six of the Entertainment Section of the Daily Paper. He even admitted that he made up fake National Days for something stupid like taking your cat to work so he could have an excuse to give you something small." Maddie noticed the smile on Kate's lips,
"I can tell you remember those days, and Becks, don't get me wrong, this isn't an invitation to come and steal my fiancé; it's just a plea to a friend that she will look after him, SHOULD something happen to me," Maddie said, regaining some of her resolve.
"Maddie, first nothing is going to happen to my best friend, BUT in the highly improbable case that it did, of course, I would do anything for Rick." She said softly,
"Anything Becks? Does that include giving up chasing your Mom's case?" Maddie knew the litmus test was necessary to get an accurate answer.
"If you're asking me if I love him enough to stop chasing my Mom's killer, the answer is a definite yes. I know that I have wasted so many days of my life. Mom wouldn't have wanted that, even Royce told me so." She said as tears fell, and Maddie handed her a small package of tissue from her purse.
"I'm sorry about Mike; I know you loved him, Kate," Maddie said,
"I thought I did until I met Rick, and forgive me, Maddie, but I love your fiancé more than life itself. What kind of woman does that make me?" she cried,
"It makes me comfortable with my best friend, who told me the truth. I can live knowing you love Rick. I also know that neither of you would ever act on it, at least not while I was in the picture because you both love me too much to hurt me like that." She gripped Kate's hand, whose tears had stopped now.
"Really, Maddie, is that how it makes you feel? You know how psycho I go with jealousy. I don't understand how you can accept it and not hate me for it." She said,
"Really Becks, you see, Rick taught me how to love, not only be in love. That means total trust in your partner, knowing that your happiness is the first, hell, the only thing in their lives driving them to live yet one more day.
"It may surprise you, but I know Rick loves you, and he's In Love with me. I can deal with that, and if something were to happen, I would want Rick to be with someone like you right away, so don't wait. Don't listen to anyone but both of your hearts, I mean,"
"Maddie, please. I gave you your answer. I don't want to go through a walkthrough of something that is never going to happen, OK? I'm here for you and for Rick, but I will still stay out of your business. You deserve to be happy, and you will. Now, call Dr. S and talk to Rick. Let him know how you're feeling and that we talked. You promised," she knew her friend would shuck the call if she weren't called out on it.
"Becks, I don't know what to say, I mean."
"Well, let's not get into the habit of such personal issues between you and your husband, OK? Maddie, tell Rick how you feel. I'm sure he won't think you're stupid or that the feeling isn't real." Kate tried to reestablish some boundaries for her sanity.
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Three Hours Later
The Loft
Maddie chose the time and location to speak to Rick as she had promised. She had talked to Dr. Solomon, who explained to her that she could be suffering from anxiety brought about by all of the life changes and wanted to see her in her office next week.
Rick was finishing preparing dinner when she walked in and directly to him, gathering him in a big embrace and kiss. He picked up right away that something was not right,
"Maddie, is something bothering you, sweetheart?
"How do you do that? I mean, I've been home less than a few minutes, and you already know something is bothering me. Rick, we need to talk," she said as she left the packages on the couch, and his face showed fear. The four words any guy NEVER wants to hear are that we need to talk; nothing ever good comes from that.
"Are you ok, What's going on?" Rick was panicking,
"Come on, Love, let's sit down. I have to tell you something, and I hope you don't get angry with me." She said, taking his hand and leading him to their favorite spot on the couch.
"OK, Please don't interrupt me or make me start over. This is going to be hard to get out, but I promise you, I'm telling you the truth and everything, OK?" She said her voice trembling,
Rick nodded his head in agreement and sat quietly,
"First, I called Dr. Solomon today after I talked with an old friend. I have these strong feelings that something is about to happen to me that will prevent me from marrying the man I love more than anything in this world.
"I've been having them for about three weeks now, so I talked to Becks or Kate today. We went through something similar when we were in high school, and I wanted her to agree to something." She saw Rick start and then stop from saying anything as he covered his mouth,
"Becks and I went through a hell of a lot, Rick, more than most people know, but anyway, I asked her a question that I have to ask you now. If something happens to me, will you let Kate take care of you, Rick? You know she loves you more than anything, and I know you loved her once." He hung his head and remained silent,
"She told me she would give up her mother's case if you needed her; nothing would come before you and your welfare. Rick, she has loved you for over ten years. That's why she played those childish games, trying to make you pursue her, she knows how much she screwed up, and I know that she would do things differently if she could." She looked at Rick, who was sitting with his mouth open, almost in shock.
"From the look on your face, I see that this is news to you; you really didn't know how deeply Kate Beckett was in love with you?" she asked,
"Maddie, I don't know where this is coming from, but I've been honest, totally honest with you. There was a time early when we worked together when I had feelings for Beckett, but she stomped them in the ground after setting fire to any hope we would be anything more than reluctant colleagues." Rick said,
"Is that why we took it slowly between us, Rick? You wanted to be sure so as not to hurt me?" She said, and the look on his face confirmed what she thought, "It's OK, you were honest; that's not what we talked about, Rick." She said,
She saw relief come over his face, "I don't know what it is, but I have this dread that something is going to happen to me, and you know what is scaring the hell out of me? Who's going to be here for you, Rick? You're here for everyone else, but who will be here for you?" Her tears fell, and she was in his arms as he held her.
"Hey, hey, it's a feeling, sweetheart. We'll get to the doctor and get past this. I'm not going anywhere. I got you," he whispered into her hair as she collapsed on his shoulder,
Whatever was bothering her had really freaked her out. She had spoken to Beckett about taking care of him? This feeling must have really freaked her out. He knew they needed to talk, but he wanted to let her calm down and hopefully get some rest first.
She fell asleep in his arms as he carried her to their room, laid her gently on the bed, and laid down beside her. He would never leave her, not when she was this upset,
TBC
A/N: Now, let the guessing begin. What's going on with whom? Remember, we will follow the significant arc of Cops and Robbers with great modifications. Thanks for the reads, reviews, and notes. I've given up on the sight email system ever working again, so please check frequently for updates, till then, Thx _ Tim