Private Life

by Castlefan6

Authors Note AU: Beckett and Castle have reached their first If Only moment, a pivotal point that forces Rick to leave the precinct. Brace yourself as the episodes Cops and Robbers and To Live and Die in LA have been rearranged to suit this Timeline; please go with it.

I am taking a Literary License to fill in the blanks.

I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement, except the ones I create.

This is COMPLETELY AU and May or May Not Wind Up with a Caskett Ending.

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A/N: This chapter contains some injuries and catastrophic events. If that is a trigger, please proceed with caution.

Chapter 16

Presbyterian Hospital

VIP Suites, 15th Floor

Two Hours Later

Kate returned to the room after going home, taking a scalding shower, and fixing her hair and makeup, something she had neglected for the last few weeks. She decided to wear dress slacks and a dressy top. Now that Maddie was awake, she knew that she would have many questions.

She walked into the room and noticed something seemed off immediately. Maddie had been crying, and Rick looked perplexed, even hurt.

"OK, I was gone for a few hours, but the two of you look like something awful happened. Is there anything I should know about the medical condition or anything you care to share? I know I'm just your friend, but hey, I love you both, so please don't insult me and tell me things are fine." Kate said gently but with a firm look on her face.

She crossed the room and hugged Maddie, who broke down in tears, sobbing almost uncontrollably. "Maddie, hey, I'm here; it'll be OK; you and Rick are going to be fine. You have to concentrate on planning your wedding in five months," she said softly, which only solicited more tears, as Maddie sobbed as she held her.

Rick sat silently, watching the two ladies for a moment until Maddie regained enough composure to speak: "Rick, can you tell Becks what the doctor is suspecting? Well, hell, I'm pretty sure I am suffering from it. I don't think I can get through it; I'm sorry, sweetheart." She dabbed her eyes and clung on to Kate as Rick cleared his throat.

Before Rick could speak, there was a soft knock on the door, then Dr. Duhigg walked into the room. "I wanted to give you some time to digest what my colleagues have presented, and once again, these are our preliminary results. We still have some more tests to run, such as Ultrasound, MRI, and other scans if necessary." He said,

"Doctor, would you please fill in Kate Beckett, our Medical POA and best friend, on what the other doctors told us a few hours ago?" he asked.

The doctor looked at Maddison, who nodded her head in agreement and then took a deep breath.

"Well, Kate, it's Kate, isn't it?" After seeing her nod, he took another deep breath. "My colleagues, who are the experts in these matters, strongly believe that Miss Queller is suffering from amnestic syndrome, the official term for amnesia. It's very common in patients who have suffered a severe blow to the head, resulting in the unconscious state that Miss Queller was forced to be placed in.

"Amnesia simply refers to the loss of memories, including facts, information, and experiences. It could last for a specific time frame or longer. I know movies and television tend to depict amnesia as forgetting one's identity, but that's rarely the case in real life.

"The more common effects for people with amnesia may be trouble recalling specific events, learning new information, and forming new memories. We believe that in Miss Queller's case, her amnesia was caused by damage to areas of the brain that are vital for memory processing.

"I know the first question on everyone's mind, Is this like a temporary episode of memory loss? The medical personnel call this transient global amnesia. In this case, we don't believe so, but that's why we are testing her. The worst-case scenario is that she may never regain her memories of a specific time frame. Unfortunately, it is permanent." He said as his voice trailed off at the end, noticing that Maddison's tears had begun to fall once again.

"Again, this is a PRELIMINARY diagnosis. It may very well change once Maddison is able to undergo some therapy and we have ruled out more severe damage from the explosion. "He tried to reassure the group without luck.

"Dr. Duhigg, are there things other than therapies that Maddie can undergo to regain her lost memory IF it doesn't come back on its own? I know I'm just a cop, but the bump on her forehead is still pretty sizeable. Could that be a source of the lost memory?" Kate asked as she held Maddie close.

"Kate, that's entirely possible. Again, we are early in our diagnosis and are presenting perhaps the worst-case scenario to Mr. Castle and Miss Queller. We will be continuing our treatment, looking for two main symptoms to confirm or deny our diagnosis.

"Miss Queller will be going through some mental therapy, and the traits we will be watching for are:

Trouble learning new information.

Trouble remembering past events and previously familiar information.

"It's very common that, in fact, most people with amnesia have problems with short-term memory, so they can't retain new information. Recent memories are most likely to be lost, but more remote or deeply ingrained memories may be spared." He said,

"What are classified as recent memories, doctor?" Maddie asked, gaining strength now that Kate was with her.

"Maddison, it varies from patient to patient, but short-term or recent is usually considered the last six to eighteen months. For example, you may recall experiences from childhood that you and Kate shared but have no memory of events that occurred in the last few months.

"What about Hypnosis? I read somewhere that this was used to help someone regain memories that had been repressed." Rick asked,

"Rick, that is one form of treatment, but we are a long way from prescribing a treatment. Let's let the bump continue to reduce in size, and then we can reevaluate. The positive news is that there don't appear to be any long-term health risks outside of memory loss.

"Maddie, I see the scared look on your face. Isolated memory loss doesn't affect a person's intelligence, general knowledge, awareness, or attention span. It also doesn't affect judgment, personality, or identity. Amnesia isn't the same as dementia.

"Dementia often includes memory loss but also involves other problems with brain functions that you show zero signs of decline, so if that is one fear, you can strike it now. One fact I would be remiss if I didn't mention is that there is a possibility that Maddison may have memories that are, shall we say, misplaced in time. It may be temporary, or again, it could be permanent; we don't know enough for now to make a determination." He said seeing that too much information was causing more harm than good.

"Look, Information overload isn't going to benefit anyone, and I don't want to try to go through ten years of education in one short conversation. For now, let's rest and see what the next few days bring. I promise you that you'll have the best in the field, working on getting you back to one hundred percent as quickly as possible." He squeezed Maddie's hand and made his way quietly out of the door.

"OK, that was a lot," Kate said, half out loud.

"I know, Becks, that's why I was crying. I wanted to remember everything with Rick, but I can't." She said, tears almost falling again.

"Maddie, I'm not going anywhere. We have the rest of our lives. Just take it slow. I'm sure the memories will come back." Rick tried to comfort his fiancé, who didn't remember that he had proposed until the wedding was mentioned.

"Rick, I know you say that now, but what if, I mean."

"Maddie don't even think that. Let the news settle in. Of course, you're upset; hell, anyone would be. Listen to Rick; you know how much he loves you, so just let that love help you heal, OK?" Kate said softly, looking directly into her friend's eyes.

"I hope you're both right, Becks; this is scaring the hell out of me." She said,

"I never asked, but what was the last thing you remembered to trigger this diagnosis? I mean, the doctors have only met with you less than a handful of times since you've been awake.

"I remembered getting ready that morning, and Rick and I went to the bank, but I don't remember why. I assumed it was for something for Rick, but I know now that wasn't the true reason why we were there, but I still haven't recalled why we both were there." Maddie said, a little stronger, but tears still threatening to fall at any time,

"Maddie, it's not important. The most important thing is that you're OK, I'm OK, and Kate has been with us both since it happened. I talked to her when you were sleeping, and now, I'll make it official. Kate, please forgive me. I've been rude, and I'm sorry.

"Maddie wanted me to forgive you many times before, so now I see how much you love her. Please forgive me, and I count you as one of our best friends." He said as Kate dabbed her eyes. Maddie hugged her friend and whispered, "That doesn't mean he's available," and laughed. Such a beautiful laugh! Rick wiped his eyes. He had missed her so very much.

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One Week Later

Rick and Maddie had been discharged from the hospital. Rick's doctors were skeptical, but he had stayed about as long as he could without going berserk. Maddie was well enough to be discharged and continue her treatment as an outpatient rather than remain confined in a hospital room, even a VIP room.

Rick hired a medical staff to look after them when they returned to the loft, as well as a cook. He arranged for the therapist who saw Maddie to have complete privacy, but he was still worried about why the explosion. Why was Jackson involved? The answers he had gotten so far didn't make him feel any better or that he and his family were safe.

He had reached out to the number he had for the man, trying to keep it confidential, in other words, not to worry Maddie. She had enough to worry about. He didn't want to add any more stress to her, especially with the load she was carrying. Some sessions after therapy, all she could do was cry as he held her. She was so frustrated, even as hard as she tried to hide it.

After three days of getting nowhere with the numbers that he and Maddie had on file for the man known as Jackson, he reached out to Roy. He dialed his private cell phone, and wasn't surprised when it went to voice mail. About ten minutes later, his cell phone rang.

He headed to the roof for some privacy as he answered, "Hi Roy, thanks for calling me back."

"I can probably guess why, but why don't you cut to the chase and tell me what you need, Rick? I know Maddie nor you have been able to contact Jackson since you have been home. They had to re-shuffle security in the event someone made him at the bank. He asked me to send you the new number when you asked for it, not before." Roy said, waiting for his friend to explode,

"You had his number, knew I was jumping through hoops to find that son of a bitch, and you let me chase my tale? Why Roy? What does he have on you?" Rick huffed out angrily,

"Rick, calm down; I'll let that remark slide, but let's get something straight, it's you that needs the information, and I AM your friend, working with everyone I can to pull this crap together. We got lucky that that lazy asshole Pederson didn't want to work and wrote it off as bad intel instead of trying to find the last doctor in scrubs." He said, drawing a line in the sand for Rick, back down, or lose his only source.

"I'm sorry, Roy, it's just that things aren't going as well as I had hoped they would; I mean, I want Maddie back, my Maddie, the woman I proposed to. I don't know if that is ever going to happen, and I don't know how she feels about going forward. Kate came by yesterday, and when she mentioned the wedding, Maddie changed the subject immediately." Rick ran his hand through his hair, forgetting that the soft cast was still attached to it.

"Rick, I don't know what to tell you. Only you and Maddie can decide that, but, hey, it took you this long to find her. Are you sure you want to give up so soon?" Roy asked,

"What? Hell, not me, Roy; I think she's pulling away from me, and I seem to lose a little more of her each day." Rick said sadly,

"Well, Jackson is the only one that can add anything that might help you folks either get it back on track or explain why Maddie is pulling away. Are you sure that she is Rick? I mean, she worships the ground you walk on," Roy said.

"My Maddie did. I think she is fighting so hard to get everything back so quickly that we can just pick up and go on, but I told her we could delay the wedding if she wasn't ready."

"Well, I just sent you Jackson's new contact information encrypted, of course, so let me know if you need anything else. Rick, don't push it; she can tell when you are trying to make everything right for everyone. This is something you won't be able to fix by yourself." Roy said, then hung up as Rick made his way back to the loft.

Maddie was waiting by the sofa when he opened the door. "Did you get his number, Rick?" she asked, still knowing him like yesterday's newspaper.

"How, I mean, I, I," He stammered,

"Sweetheart, I get alerts on my phone when my contact list has been opened and by whom; I may have forgotten some things, but I still am a pretty damn good asset to the firm." She said, smiling and letting him know she wasn't angry.

"I got it, Maddie. I'm sorry; I was trying to get to the bottom of what the hell happened in that bank, and I didn't want to add any stress to you." He said as he walked over to her,

"Rick, can you do me one favor, please?" She said as she stood, hugged him, and pulled back to stare into his deep blue eyes,

"Can we treat everything that happened since the bombing the same way we always did before it happened, talking to each other, bouncing ideas off of one another, not you trying to shelter me? Please don't do that; it just reminds me that I'm not what I used to be." She said, tip-toeing up to kiss him gently, the first sign of romance from her since they had been hurt in the bank explosion.

He returned the kiss, and then she lengthened it, adding tongue, and silently took his hand. "Come with me, I know where we do our best work," she smiled,

"Maddie, are you sure? I mean, are you?" he was interrupted,

"Well, if I don't turn you on anymore," was all she got out before she felt him pick her up bridal style and place her gently on the bed. "You may have to help me with the buttons," he said as he held up his hand, still in a type of cast up.

"I know, that's why I didn't wear any," she said. He slid the sundress off her shoulder to reveal one of her two perfect breasts, and the session was in play in earnest. For the first time in weeks, they were back to what and who they had been before the bomb incident. If not making love for several weeks had any impact, it was only to deepen the desire of each for the other.

After their typical marathon sessions, she lay in his arms and kissed him sweetly. "I needed this, Rick; I needed to feel normal, like the woman you love again, not like some porcelain doll you are trying to shield from nicks and scratches. I know you did and do it because of how much you love me, but can you show me like this instead?" she laughed as she crawled on top of him, tickling his spots, and for the first time in weeks, Rick felt hopeful once again. Maddie, his Maddie, was back.

TBC