Fairy 6.12: Silent World
Genesis
July 1, 2020
The canyon looms above you on all sides. Not that it's too cramped. Some of the Pokémon Centers you've been in could fit in the bottom twice over. Lyra and Cuicatl didn't want to camp right by the water. Too much traffic from wild pokémon. Almost everything down here needs to drink and the big footpaths, the ones that the kommo-o and machoke and the other giant pokémon take, those run by the river.
Your pokémon need the river. Half of them are water-types. Bubbles bounces around the shallows, bellowing at anything he can find that will listen. Oliver swims laps across the river and back. Ferny is looking around for threats while Cloudy happily bobs in midair, embers flickering within his body as his clouds glow a dull red.
There aren't too many wild pokémon around this late in the afternoon. A basculin school in the river. One swam up to Oliver and gets blown back with a kick. There was a tense standoff for a moment before the fish go on their way. A few corpish sit on the riverbed by a really deep part. You think it goes into a second canyon or maybe even the caves. There's a pack of mienfoo and mienshao jumping along the canyon wall. Too far away to be of much concern.
The only wild pokémon that have come close to you are murkrow. Bubbles annoyed them into leaving. The real threats are either sleeping, hidden in the caves, or far away. And if anything did approach you could call Cuicatl over.
Something catches your eye in the river. At first you think it's just a trick of the light or the rippling surface but, no. You're increasingly sure it's something down there. The basculin see it, too, and give it a wide berth. It's thin. Snakelike. Dark blue. Blends in really well. Are there snakes down here? You thought that Alola didn't have that many. Serperior, arbok, and dunsparce don't swim. Way too small to be a gyarados or milotic. Do huntail and gorebyss go into freshwater? You call Oliver back just to be safe.
The creature swims closer to the surface. Its breaks out of the water and it turns to look directly at you. Its head is framed by big, adorable gills. The back is dark blue, but the stomach and face are almost pure white. You know this one. It's a dratini. And it's really cute.
You glance back at camp. Cuicatl's too far away to come and catch it in time. And you think she would like a dratini. She's been talking about expanding her team and this is one of the few cute dragons. It would work well. Thankfully you have an extra ball. You can just catch it and let Cuicatl talk things over. Release it if the dragon doesn't want to stay.
"Oliver, zen headbutt," you whisper. He gets the memo and dives beneath the dratini before surfacing with a strong hit. It tries to dodge but isn't nearly maneuverable enough. Oliver jumps out of the water and slaps the dragon before they both fall down. Not sure how effective the slap is but, sure, you'll take it. Go Oliver!
"Seismic toss to land."
When he tries to grab the dratini the dragon grabs back, wrapping itself tightly around his torso and not letting go. Oliver squirms and the water thrashes around him.
"Zen headbutt!" Hopefully that will confuse the dratini. Or something. Psychic stuff. It seems to work. The dragon slackens and swims off. Wait, no!
Something dark rises out of the depths. Big. Fast. All your attention goes to it as the dratini swims away.
It breaks the surface quickly and doesn't slow down as it literally flies out. Water splashes you as it unfurls its small wings and rises up to glower down at you. Orange and white scales and antennae-like horns that on any other day in any other context would be adorable. Instead, you're frozen in fear as you stare down a very, very angry dragonite.
Okay. Um. Shit. Cuicatl's told you a little about dragons. Well, a lot, but you only absorbed a little.
You back away and look down at the ground. "I'm sorry," you tell it in a low voice that's as calm as you can make it right now. "I have a friend who can talk to dragons. She would have talked to your kid and let them go. Promise."
The dragonite snorts. Good or bad? Coco's snorts usually are more annoyance or interest, but she was raised by a human (who was raised by a dragon). You look up. Not quite to the eyes but enough to see the body language. Is Cuicatl coming?
{Cuciatl!}
{I know,} she responds. {Figuring out how to approach. Why are they angry?}
{I tried to catch its kid.}
She doesn't answer for a few terrifyingly long heart beats. You're guessing that's very, very bad.
{Did you fight it?}
{Yes.} You brace yourself for the worst. For death. After everything you went through, this is how it ends.
{Good. You followed custom. They didn't kill you immediately. They probably aren't going to.}
Wait. It's better if you attacked?
{Did they have the chance to escape?}
Um. Well. They attacked rather than swimming away?
{You're good. Dragonite are nice. Almost there.}
You don't dare look back to check. The dragonite is looking past you at something. Maybe something above the ground? Is Shirona's togekiss coming? You hadn't seen her in a while.
The winds abruptly still. And then the sky roars. There's the sound of cannon shot in front of you and you're stumbling backwards before you can even figure out what's going on. You take one step back, two steps back, three—your foot falls onto a rock and pushes it down and away. Next thing you know you're twisting with the stone and falling down. You hit the ground and a pulse of agony surges up from your ankle.
You manage not to scream. Just whimper / yelp. And Cuicatl's there a second later.
{Are you hurt?} she asks.
"Ankle. Broken? Twisted? Sprained? Don't know." Your words are quick, sharp, full of tension. Trying to force them out without devolving into panicked shouts or crying.
And you can't hear them. There's an ever-shifting cacophony of ringing and whistling but no actual words. Just the buzzing of your ears.
Cold panic washes over you as Cuicatl curses in Nahuatl, still audible. "Lyra! I need you over here!" Then she lowers her voice in volume and tone. "It's probably fine. I've hurt my ankle more times than I can count in the last year. Haven't been seriously injured yet. It's fine. It's fine. It's going to be fine."
You reach out and grab onto her hand. She squeezes back and slowly sits down beside you.
"I think they went supersonic. They're really fast when they want to be."
You would not associate dragonite with being that fast. You'd heard something like that before but you thought it was a joke. Or, like, something a cartoon made up. But they did. And now you can't hear and—
"It's going to be okay," Cuicatl whispers. "We'll get it fixed."
You know you aren't hearing her for real. That it's just a psychic illusion, same way she can mask her accent or talk to pokémon in a way they understand. It's still the only thing keeping you together.
"Please keep talking."
It takes Lyra about a minute or so to get over. In the meantime, Cuicatl has stayed huddled close to you, murmuring on about her theories on how dragonite can fly with small wings. She's clearly thought a lot about it. Maybe you weren't too far off the mark in thinking she'd like one. Both your teams form a defensive perimeter, yours watching the water and hers the land. Mitsuru touches down a moment after Lyra arrives.
Lyra says something. You don't hear it, obviously.
"Dragonite scared her by going supersonic. Hurt her ankle. Don't think she can hear." Cuicatl answers.
Lyra's eyes widen. Fear? Should you be more afraid. She asks Cuicatl something.
"Total deafness?" Cuicatl repeats.
"Yes."
Another question.
"Are your ears ringing or is it just total silence?"
Ringing.
She relaxes a little bit. You do, too. Can't be too bad, right? Lyra slowly reaches a trembling hand out towards your head, pausing as if to ask permission. You nod. She probably knows what's happening better than you. Had to have taken first aid classes if she's serious about exploring. She presses a hand to your ear. Doesn't reach inside. Puts another hand on the other side of your head and gently tilts it to one side and then the other. Kind of weird but not like… that.
She backs away and talks to Cuicatl. You can make out one word, maybe, over the ringing and sloshing behind your eardrums.
"No bleeding. Probably no permanent hearing loss. She wants to look at your ankle now."
You let her, begrudgingly, because what else are you going to do? You don't like being touched but you know that not being able to walk in the middle of Vast Poni Canyon is serious. It hurts when she presses it. The dull, throbbing pain becomes sharp and stabbing and you fail to stifle a choked sob.
"The good news is that it isn't broken. Bad news: probably shouldn't walk on it for a while. Don't worry. You'll be safe. We'll figure something out."
So. It's bad. But not irreparable. Both your ears and your foot. You've been there before, with your body instead of your mind. You can make it through this. It's fine. It's fine.
"Would a hug make it better or worse?" Cuicatl asks.
"Better." You think. Unless it's constricting. Do you want to be constricted? You aren't sure and—
Oh. This is nice. She's basically pulling you into her. Kind of doesn't work since she's so small but you'll take it. She seems relaxed. Eyes closed, deep breaths. That helps you calm down.
"I hurt my feet all the time. Happens on the trail. You'll be okay."
Lyra paces nearby while on the phone with someone. She stops, stamps a foot, keeps moving. The hand not holding the phone is gesturing even though the other party can't see it. That doesn't seem good.
Cuicatl starts singing. It's soft and quiet but beautiful. You don't know the words. She isn't translating them. It sounds like a lullaby. And it works.
Lyra stomps over and says something to Cuicatl. She opens her eyes for some reason and tilts her head. Her lips are pursed. Annoyed, but not angry. You think. You've gotten a lot better at reading her than most people but you're still not great at this.
"Annoying, but expected."
Lyra turns around and throws her hands up and Cuicatl stays fairly calm.
"We can free up one of the pack pokémon. Just have to carry more ourselves."
…help isn't coming, is it? You're stuck here. In the most dangerous spot in Alola. Unable to hear or walk.
Cuicatl presses into you a little harder.
"Would you rather go forwards or back uphill?" She tilts her chin up. "Lot of vikavolt up there. I wouldn't airlift anyone, either."
Lyra whirls around and. You don't know if it's a yell or a scream or just a very frustrated normal word. Cuicatl doesn't flinch. Probably fine, then. You know she hates being yelled at. Hasn't happened much since you… got back… but when it does happen she goes quiet for a long time.
"It's just one day out. Even the league trainers should let us pass if we tell them why we can't stop."
Another exchange. Cuicatl's arm slides off your back and she leans forwards. You already miss the touch.
"Do you really want them to send an alakazam to move her?"
You freeze up. You don't want to be paranoid. Don't want to be like Lyra. You're dating a psychic and you adore her. But you could go your entire life without meeting another one of those things and be happy. He… he only had a kadabra and…
Cuicatl's hand is on your back, gently stroking you as she whispers words you can't make out even though they're literally in your head. She must think you're pathetic. Brought to this by. Not even a memory. Just a mention of a species and. It's fine. It's over. You survived. You healed.
It's over.
It's over.
It's over.
Why—why doesn't it feel like it's over?
Cloudy bobs into view. He looks very concerned. That's.
Breathing. Why is breathing hard?
Are your lungs broken, too?
You're dimly aware that Cuicatl is still leaning into you, still whispering about everything being okay.
Cuicatl.
She fought him off.
It's okay.
It's okay.
She's here.
You take a deep breath and it feels like a measure of clarity returns. And with it, pain. Your ankle still throbs. You'd suppressed that when dealing with everything else.
"Can you go to the tent?" Cuicatl asks. Gently. Softly Like you might break again at any moment. She's not wrong.
"Can't walk."
"Of course. Noci can carry you."
"Safe?"
Cuicatl looks towards Lyra. She nods. Useless. Still hasn't learned how to deal with a blind girl. She must realize it, too, because she opens her mouth and speaks.
"Yes," Cuicatl repeats. "It's safe. Just be slow and cautious."
"Okay." You take another deep breath. "I can handle that."
Noci should unnerve you more than she does. You relax into her invisible grip as she slowly lifts you up, locking your leg into place without ever touching any of it, and places you on her back. If kadabra terrify you then she should, too. You've heard the stories about metagross. Everyone has. But she's warm and kind of goofy. And Cuicatl trusts her. So it doesn't make you panic. Even though it maybe should.
You don't claim to understand any of this.
It's jarring when she finally lowers you back down at the tent entrance and lets you crawl in while your legs are still floating in midair. She lowers them back to earth as slowly as she can. Gently. It doesn't matter: the moment she lets go your ankle screams in protest. You barely stifle a gasp and someone—Lyra—is by your side in an instant. You push her away. Insist you're fine. Where's Cuicatl? You look around and see her lagging behind. Lyra left her alone? Well, not alone. Her golisopod and tyrunt are standing beside her and Bubbles is bouncing along behind as he brings up the rear. You see him bellow at something. Or at nothing. He likes screaming after he evolved.
Not hearing him is an unexpected perk of being deaf.
Temporarily.
It's temporary.
It's going to be fine.
Cloudy floats a little closer and you pull him towards your chest. He gets denser the more pressure you apply. Still feels like water vapor, but it's a very thick cloud. You hope he doesn't mind. You try not to compress him often.
Cuicatl zips up the door behind her when she walks in. You slowly move back, trying to get comfortable on top of your sleeping bag. You're still wearing your outdoor clothes. You know you aren't supposed to do that. It tracks scents into the tent. Of all the times and places to be attacked by wild pokémon, this is at the bottom of the list. Then again, Cuicatl's settling in and she isn't changing.
It takes you a moment to realize there's something strange.
"Didn't bring any pokémon in?"
She shakes her head. "Coco and Noci are outside standing guard. Leo and Pixie asked to be in their balls.
"Do you need both of them and my team to do that?" It's a genuine question. You aren't sure how much risk you're in.
"Probably not." She hesitates. {Coco's still young and excitable. I'm afraid she'd brush your ankle and hurt you on accident.}
Oh. Probably something similar for Pixie, then. Leo just doesn't like being out of his ball. You've asked Cuicatl about it a few times since it's weird to see any of her pokémon actually confined, but she said that golisopod are just weird like that. Like how castform are weird. Which she still hasn't fully explained to you. No time with the canyon and the intra-group conflicts.
You won't speak with Lyra unless you have to. Not after she tried to use the rape perfume on you. After she did use the rape perfume on you. Cuicatl didn't seem bothered by it for—honestly you have no idea why and her explanations make no sense. "She can be trusted" doesn't work when she already showed you that she can't be. Then they finally blew up at each other early in the canyon over VStar which, you have complicated feelings on that. Cuicatl not working for a company that wants her to do questionable stuff is good. Cuicatl and Lyra fighting is good. But Lyra was right. And then Cuicatl did it. And now they, well, there's still some tension but they're cooperating. Which directly helped you.
Again, it's complicated.
Cuicatl reaches over and nudges you with her elbow. "You're quiet. Anything I can do to help?"
You don't know. Well, one thing, kind of rude though. But she doesn't usually mind?
"How do you adapt to losing a sense?"
"Dunno. I was born blind. I have seen through other people's eyes, but my brain literally doesn't have space to handle seeing things so it's super disorienting and I always get a migraine."
Right. You're pretty sure she told you that before. Should have remembered. After all the things you've forgotten about her you can't afford to forget even more.
"I did make my brother blind once."
Wait. What? She can do that? She would do that? Everything you've heard her say about him made it sound like she idolized him hard. Lyra and Kekoa were… unkind. You overheard them talking to each other in hushed tones a day or two after the anniversary of his death. They didn't like him. Lyra called him a parasite. You didn't know what to do about that so you didn't tell anyone. Not even Cuicatl.
Not the point. "Why would you do that?"
"Some of his friends were making jokes about it. He fought them for a few weeks and then he gave in and made one himself. I was already in pretty much all of his mind so it wasn't that hard to do. And he was pathetic. Had to have someone else walk him home from school and still tripped every few steps. Couldn't do anything. Couldn't play sports. Couldn't eat cleanly. Couldn't do his homework because it was all written down. Dad made me stop it before he failed a test he couldn't read." She purses her lips. "I failed a lot of tests. Even when they read things out to me. I couldn't do the reading, couldn't do the homework. They held me back twice before they gave up and just let me pass grades I shouldn't have."
You reach out and hold her hand, jolting when you try to lean over towards her on reflex. It. It's fine. That one didn't really hurt. And Cuicatl's in a bad mood. The kind where she frowns a little and stares into space more aggressively than usual. She doesn't usually show things by half. Either it's barely there to see or she's explosive in anger or sadness. But sometimes you can tell when she's upset but won't let herself show it.
"I'm sorry you went through that. You're smart. Like. How many languages do you speak?"
"One well."
"Draconic? Galarian? Paldean?" She understood an add in the language once while Shirona was flipping through channels in her car. Said that the ads were just as useless in that language, too.
"I can understand the draconic languages but my pronunciation is terrible. Trust me, every dragon takes the chance to remind me. I'm barely understandable in Galarian without my power. Just picked up a little Paldean from television. Please don't ask me to speak it. I can't even make a sentence half the time."
"I heard you on the television once," you tell her. And you're pretty sure it's true. It was… recent. After the trail. But before it got really bad. "You sounded fine. Cute, even. I'd like to hear your real voice more."
She rolls her eyes but doesn't argue. You aren't sure how to press it. If you should press it. So things lapse into total, complete silence. Your thoughts drift back to her brother's helplessness. At least you don't have it that bad. You can still see where you're going. But, uh, can't really talk to people without Cuicatl's help. You should pick up lip reading. How do you do that, though? Are there tutorials online? How effective are they?
Cuicatl squeezes your hand a little tighter.
"You should rest. Helps you heal."
She's right. It's just hard not to spiral into your thoughts when you can't hear anything to distract from them. If you close your eyes the world's just gone.
"Just for a day. Maybe two," Cuicatl whispers. "I'll take care of you until then."
You nod, even if she can't see it. Everything's going to be fine. She's helped you before. She can do it again.
"Can you sing for me?" you ask. "To help me sleep?"
She's silent for a few moments and you wonder if you did something wrong. And then she's singing. A different song, this time. Still low and almost somber. The words aren't translated. You can only guess what it's about. But it's noise. Pretty noise. And that helps you turn your focus away from your thoughts.
Somewhere in the middle of the second song you slip into the world of dreams.
July 2, 2020
It wasn't very comfortable on Nocitlālin. You have to constantly shift around to sit semi-comfortably on a sheet of metal. And then the sun comes out and that metal gets hot. At the first stop Lyra notices your pain and sets up a chair for you to sit on. That makes things much better.
She's awfully considerate for a monster.
You feel guilty as you watch the other girls put their packs back on. All the stuff on Noci and most of the stuff you were carrying had to be given to them. Except for food meant for a skarmory and machoke. That got left behind. You're pretty sure you aren't supposed to feed the wild pokémon but, well, you can't complain about it. Cuicatl doesn't seem to care about the extra weight but her pack's almost as big as she is. And, yes, she has muscles – but they're girl muscles. She's not a bodybuilder or anything. Lyra seems to struggle more despite her size. Not that she says anything.
The pace is also painfully slow. It's not that bad when you're walking because then you can feel yourself moving as fast as you reasonably can. Or close to it. Cuicatl needs some extra time to navigate. But when you're hovering above the ground in direct sunlight and are held back by the humans plodding along – that makes it feel so, so slow.
And it keeps getting delayed by wild pokémon. At first it's a band of hakamo-o trying to make a run for Lyra's mudsdale. A few get violently kicked way. Coco gets into a brawl with one while the golisopod charges in. The salazzle comes out. You wish she didn't. Barely even does anything except a few small jets of flame that barely seem to slow the dragons down.
You can hear the fight. Parts of it. You thought you could at least hear your own words this morning, or at least the vibration in your chest, but now you're definitely getting something. The clanging of scales, the muffled shouts of orders. It's good. You aren't totally broken forever. It gives you more hope than you thought it would.
The dragons give up after a minute or two and run away with their wounded. They take their sound with them.
Mostly it's a boring hike. You can't even nap for fear you'd fall out of the chair. And, well, it would feel wrong to nap while your girlfriend is hiking with a heavy pack. Your eyes wander to the canyon wall. Someone (Lyra, probably) told you about a deep canyon with bands of color, each from a different era from a long time ago. Maybe from before Xerneas created the universe. Your teachers were split about that or why there were really old things if the world was young. Your parents didn't seem to care when you tried to ask them. Anyway, in this canyon you can kind of see the layers. Things seem to flow or cool or break in different directions. But all the rock kind of looks the same.
You want to ask about it. It wouldn't matter, though: you couldn't hear the answer. Not even sure you'd want one from her.
Down the road you come across a woman with a golem and a mandibuzz beside her. She talks to Lyra and Cuicatl.
"Can't battle, sorry," Cuicatl answers. She gestures towards you. "Wounded. Need to get to the Center as soon as we can."
More words are said. Lyra takes a step forward looking very serious. "…oking…ears…ite…"
You can make out syllables. Enough to guess that the whole is "not joking, hurt her ears, dragonite." Or something. Maybe. You could maybe get good at this if you had to do it for long enough.
You do not want to get good at this.
"…you?" the woman asks.
"Yes. She went supersonic right in front of her. She twisted her ankle and can't hear."
The woman's lower lip tugs down expressively on one side. She waves you past with an inaudible apology.
The mandibuzz stares at you as you walk away. You can't fathom why.
It's already been a long day by the time you stop for lunch. You've passed two more trainers and had a few standoffs with wild pokémon. Only a single mienshao tried their luck. Lyra's dhelmise dealt with it easily enough. Still not sure what to make of it. She got it right before you found out about everything. It's weird how the seaweed floats up and away from the anchor, bobbing in invisible waves. And it doesn't have a real eye. Just a pressure gauge that looks like it sees nothing and everything at the same time.
Cuicatl approaches you when you're done with your nuts and crackers. You can barely finish it. Haven't had to move much at all in the last day.
"You can nap if you want," Cuicatl reassures you. "Noci can keep you gripped to her."
"How did you know I was tired?" you ask.
She shrugs. "Out in the sun doing nothing? I would want a nap."
That sends a surge of guilt through you. Everyone would like to rest. Why do you deserve to?
You're kind of surprised when Cuicatl doesn't respond to that. You look up towards her expectantly.
"Did you hear that?"
She shakes her head. "You have to aim it at me. Or be loud. Or be touching me. Ideally two. Three can be too much."
"I don't want to nap while you're working."
"Oh." She tilts her head and gives you a wry smile. "Not that bad. Had to haul durant at home. That was heavy. The pack? Not really."
"Still feels wrong."
"Would it change anything?" she asks. "Hurt me?"
You try to think of something. It's not like you've actually been seeing threats as they approach. Noci would be better than that. She doesn't get tired or distracted.
"I'll wake you up every hour to drink. Speaking of, do you have to pee?"
"Um. Kind of?"
She frowns. "You should. Been almost three hours. You're not drinking enough."
"Fine."
You've been avoiding drinking too much just for this. It turns out that it's really awkward to pee when you can't walk. It involves more telekinesis than you'd ever expected it to and well, you'd rather not talk about it ever again.
The afternoon goes faster since it's spent half asleep. By the time you finally arrive at the Center the sun's gone down over the rim of the canyon. The sky is still light but the ground is wreathed in shadow. It's a strange aesthetic. You doubt you'll see it again.
It isn't one you like, though. Too gloomy.
The Center itself is the smallest you've seen. Cuicatl mentioned that it was just a place for the nurse to live and one or two groups of travelers to sleep. A small hearth at the end of the road. It's made of stone blocks stacked together with a chimney built in. it looks like it's been there for centuries. Maybe it has.
There's electric lighting when you get in through the surprisingly wide doors. Noci can just float through without dropping you off. A bell chimes as the doors shut behind you. A blissey waddles into the doorframe behind the desk, glances between you and Cuicatl, and goes back to get the nurse.
Lyra handles the check-in. Cuicatl's said that she doesn't like to. You don't like people. It's a natural fit, even if you don't want to be reliant on her.
You can actually make out most of the conversation. Some words are fuzzy, especially when they get a little quieter, but as long as both of them are projecting and you're focusing in you can hear it over the ringing.
The nurse comes back with some crutches. You follow her back. Lyra and Cuicatl are left to set up your room.
Cuicatl's gone when you leave. Lyra's sitting on a bench, reading The Cawdet's Eye. You freeze when you see the book and the blissey almost walks into you.
"Where's Cuicatl?" you ask.
She slowly closes the book and slips in her bookmark, a slip of plastic with a floral pattern, before looking up with a smile.
"Out talking strategy with her team. Everything alright?"
"Fine. Just a sprained ankle and a little hearing loss. Ears should be all the way better tomorrow."
"Good." Lyra stands up and holds open the door to your room for the night. You slip by her as quickly as you can on crutches without a word. And then follows you in. Looks like she's set up on the top bunk opposite you. Great. Just great.
You sit down and wait in silence for—something. Cuicatl's return, probably. And Lyra just sits down in her bunk and opens her book back up. Seems like she's almost done. You could keep sitting in silence but. It's kind of awkward. And you did have a question.
"The canyon walls are the same color."
She glances up at you. Probably doesn't understand what you're getting at.
"I thought the layers were different?"
Her eyes light up and she sets the book back down. "On the continent, absolutely. There, you're seeing …story. Every layer from a different era, carved by different rivers or deserts …logic time. Here? It's all made by the same volcano spitting out the same rock in a blink of an eye to the planet. It's all recent. Might as well be the same layer."
You think you got that? The continents are old, the island is new. She's really happy to explain this. Like Cuicatl with her dragons. You with your stories. Your eyes are drawn back to the book in your lap.
"Do you actually like the books or are you reading that for me?"
"Kind of both?"
She sighs and mumbles words that don't register above the background.
"Didn't hear that."
"Ah, sorry." Now she's almost too loud but you can deal with it. At least you can hear. "I used to love these. Not as much as you, but they were well-written and interesting. I'm not getting that with the last one. I don't think the books have changed. It's the same style. Breezy and funny. Just. I think I've grown and they haven't. This is probably my last one."
"Oh." That's kind of sad. Should you have grown out of them, too? Ms. Rivers didn't say they were childish. Maybe too adult, even, with a version of the world that wasn't her dollhouse society where everyone is always what they're supposed to be. She was mad that it was a girl rescuing a prince from a tower, not that there were knights and towers in the first place.
You would rather talk about anything else. So you leap to what's on your mind.
"Why did you think it was okay to use the perfume?" you ask her. "Like, in what world is that the right thing to do?"
"…" You can't hear her response. She's looks down at the book before gently pushing it off her lap. It falls over and the bookmark slips out as she turns to look at you.
"I didn't hear that."
"It wasn't okay," she repeats. Not loudly like before. You can just barely make it out. "I get that now. Maybe I understood at the time."
"Then why'd you do it? And don't give me your entire life story like I'm supposed to be—"
You don't know what she was going for. Were you supposed to pity her? She changed all of herself because her father wanted her to and then—you stopped. You stopped. And she wasn't forced. She did it herself. You're nothing like her.
"I was scared," she says. "I was scared and I thought that if I just did one thing or another it would keep me safe. I was fine with that. Even if people got hurt. Even if people I cared about got hurt. I think most people would make that choice. …wrong. I'm trying to be better. Trying not to make that choice again. I don't expect forgiveness. But I'm trying."
She sounds like she's trying to convince herself. Hurting the people you care about because, what, you're scared? No. She's wrong. Most people aren't like that. You're not like that. Never have been. Never will be.
"What are you even doing to improve as a person, then?"
Lyra takes a deep breath. She's kicking her legs a little now. Or rocking them. Out and back until they hit the bedframe. Then out again. You wonder if it hurts.
"Accountability helps. Cuicatl's good for that, usually. She has her own blind spots."
You bristle for a fight but Lyra must see it. She moves on before you get a chance to object.
"I'm also trying to be more open about things. It's hard. I've never been open. Not even with you. I guess that's why psychics are so terrifying. Because they make you be open. And, uh, after going through that, maybe I want to stay closed because at least it reminds me I'm in control? I've talked to my therapist a little bit. Took me a while to get a new session booked—she's busy, even for returning clients—but I'm hoping that helps."
Lyra's legs stop moving and she looks you in the eye. You promptly look back down. "Are you still … therapist? I … met with Cuicatl's a few times. She seemed nice."
"No. I don't need one." Don't want one. She did seem nice but. So did a lot of people. You don't want anyone else trying to get into your head and change things around. Don't need another Ms. Rivers.
"You … panic attack yesterday." It doesn't sound like an accusation, but you know it is.
"I'm fine."
"She's already traveling to see your girlfriend. It wouldn't be any extra trouble for her to—"
"I'm. Fine." There is not a tear on your cheek. You don't want to deal with this and you. are. fine.
You can feel her eyes boring down on you even as you look away from her.
"Okay, okay. You could also just talk about the future. What happens afterwards if Cuicatl goes to Sinnoh—"
"If she what?" Your head snaps up so fast that your neck hurts.
Lyra's face shifts through a half dozen emotions before settling on—ugh, you don't know and don't care. "Did she not tell you about that?"
"No. What do I need to know?"
Lyra flicks her head towards the door and moves towards the bunk bed's ladder. "I'd talk to her about it. Let me get the door for you."
You get your crutches in order while Lyra opens the door. You pass in silence. Twice. She has to help you with the exterior door, too.
It's very dark outside. There are still stars above, flanked by dark canyon walls, but the bottom of the canyon is nearly pitch black. Cuicatl's sitting on a bench stroking Pixie. Coco is curled up at her feet while Leo stares into the darkness as he watches for threats. You wonder if he can actually sense anything out there.
Something screams in the darkness. Inhuman. Almost a roar. It cuts off abruptly. Unlucky prey. Cuicatl barely reacts.
"Did you need something, Gen?" she asks.
"How'd you know it was me?"
"Crutches." Oh. Right. Obviously.
Lyra closes the door behind you. As tempting as it is to stay standing, you'd really rather not have to balance on one foot. You sit down on the bench with a gap between you. It's not really a cuddling conversation.
"Lyra said you were going to Sinnoh?"
She takes a deep breath and straightens her back. "It's an option. Dr. Karashina offered to take me with her. Or there are people I could stay with here. I don't know them very well, though. I thought they were all just playing a prank on me. Lyra doesn't think so. Mitsuru doesn't think so."
The togekiss warbles a slow, trembling tune from the roof. Sounds like she's half-asleep.
"Oh."
You're glad for her. It sounds like Shirona's pretty much offering to adopt her. Or at least make Cuicatl her protégé. After pretty much raising herself and her brother she deserves it. But Sinnoh is far, far away. And there are still people here who would hurt you.
"I'm not sure I want to go," it's barely a whisper. She keeps stroking Pixie uninterrupted as if she never said anything. "What if she gets bored of me and I'm stuck there?"
"Why do you think she would?" Shirona seemed pretty defensive of her on Ula'Ula. Even lent her one of her pokémon to keep her safe in the canyon.
Cuicatl shrugs. "Everyone leaves eventually." It's said evenly. Casually. "Why would she be any different?"
Why would she think—Kekoa. You are going to punch Kekoa in the face at least twice when you see him again.
You don't want to encourage that line of thought. And you know that she would be best off in Sinnoh. Away from you. Leaving you stuck unprotected on an island with your parents. You should encourage her to cast her fears aside and seek the best in life.
…
That's not what you do.
"I won't leave you." It seems like a good time to finally scoot over and wrap an arm around her. "I'd like you to stay."
She leans into the touch, resting her head against your shoulder. "Okay."
Your stomach flips and your blood runs cold. That was easy. So, so easy. Hurting someone you love so that you never, ever end up in the same position again. Part of you wants to take it all back. Apologize. Put her on the best path for her. Cold fear drowns out the idea before you can act on it.
Cuicatl yawns and stretches out against you.
"Tired. Can we go in?"
"Certainly."
It's well after midnight by the time you finally pass out, not from restful calm but emotional exhaustion.