Chapter 89; Navigating the darkness
Jet walked past Sonic's room. He looked inside, sighing in sadness.
Sonic was gone again.
"Out again" he spoke to the phone.
"Just great" Tails' voice replied "a month has gone by since the Johto league and he still won't talk to anyone".
"And we can't find him either. With his powers he could be on the other end of the continent by the time we try to say we want to talk".
"I know. Our only hope is if he talks to us".
"But will he? Mom and dad are really worried. They fear he might do something to himself".
Tails grabbed the sides of his head.
"I don't get it. This is much worse than when he was pursuing Giovanni".
Jet looked at the Johto league trophy on Sonic's desk, next to the Kanto one.
"Me neither. I got to go. If Sonic appears call me".
"I will. Talk soon" Tails said and hang up, sighing in sadness.
Raikou approached him and rubbed its head against him purring a deep purr.
Tails pet his legendary pokemon.
"Thanks for being here Raikou. I'm sorry you're so far from home".
He allowed himself to recall the events of that day. The day everything went to hell.
FLASHBACK STARTS
Pikachu was immediately rushed to the infirmary followed by both Sonic, Ash and their respective groups.
A doctor examined Pikachu and verified the tail bone had been broken in the collision of the iron tails.
Ash couldn't hold himself in the moment and attacked Sonic, tackling him to the ground, screaming in gibberish and punching the hell out of the hedgehog.
Brock and Knuckles had had to physically restrain Ash to stop him from continuing beating Sonic up who had gotten a nosebleed and a couple of bruises.
The event was anticlimactically ended as the league officials gathered to make a decision on what they would decide as the result of the battle since according to the rules Pikachu was taken out of the fight and therefore Ash has technically lost.
Pikachu's injury was of course very serious and could result in Sonic being permanently suspended from any and all official Pokemon competitions.
Also the fact that Ash and Sonic were having a verbal fight during their battle wasn't helping anyone's case.
In the end they decided to examine the camera footage to observe both competitors closely.
According to the director of the league the only way this could be determined was simple; prove there was ill intent behind Raichu's brutal attack on Pikachu.
If it could be proven Sonic was to be suspended. Otherwise it would be classified as an unfortunate incident and he would only get a warning about fair engagement in battles. Something like the yellow card in soccer.
The footage was examined thoroughly and despite the obvious angry tone in Sonic's voice before the attack, there was no incriminating evidence.
"Are you serious?!" Ash screamed his lungs off.
"I understand your frustration Mr Ketchum. But since there is no ill intent from Mr the hedgehog's side, there's really noone to blame. Your Pikachu technically lost fair and square".
"That Raichu broke Pikachu's tail! Pikachu will not be able to battle for a month!"
"I'm deeply sorry but we can't punish Mr the hedgehog since there clearly was no ill intent. Unless… there was ill intent Mr the hedgehog?"
The question fell on deaf ears as Sonic was barely hanging on to sanity by a thread. He only kept repeating "I didn't mean to" like a crazy person.
"You believe him?!"
"Look at him Mr Ketchum. Does that look like someone who did that on purpose?"
"Ash just let it go. It was accident" Brock tried to reason with his friend.
"Let go of me! Look at Pikachu! Look at what they did! What does it matter if it was intentional or not?!"
Tails then spoke up, agreeing with Brock.
"Your friend is right. You pushed Pikachu way too far. And not only that, Pikachu pushed itself too far. What were you even thinking fighting so recklessly?"
"He called us weak! All because Pikachu and some of my pokemon don't wish to evolve!"
"When did that happen? From our point of view, all we saw is you trying to prove your point out of the blue. You disregarded everything we have had to go through because it involved evolving our pokemon".
"His chikorita wanted to remain chikorita! He admitted to it!"
"Things change. It's the nature of everything. Why is it so hard for you to accept such a simple truth?" Tails took Sonic's side.
"Because if Pikachu doesn't want to evolve I won't force it to. We will…"
"Win regardless. Yes you said so during the battle. And what do you have to show for it? Sonic literally beat four of your pokemon with Raichu. Let alone that you tried to fight unwinnable matchups to prove the same point".
"Well maybe if he respected my choices I…"
"Enough!" Knuckles shouted, silencing everyone "clearly we are all very tense. Perhaps it's better to leave things be for now".
Brock agreed. At this point they wouldn't get anywhere.
Ash was fuming until he heard Sonic unknowingly say I didn't mean to again.
With Knuckles and Brock having let him go, he lunged at Sonic again, nailing him to the wall and breaking the hedgehog's nose.
After Knuckles restrained him again, Ash was forced out. As they left, he and Sonic locked eyes one more time.
"I hate you!" he said with as much malice as he could muster before leaving.
FLASHBACK ENDS
Tails felt horrible, regretting recollecting it all. The situation was so complex just thinking about it brought him headaches.
And they couldn't try working it out. After returning home, Sonic became depressed, disappearing for days on end and wouldn't talk to anyone. Jasmine had ended up going no contact with him as it had already hurt the first time and she couldn't go through that again.
She had explained to Tails, who had returned to Green Hills urgently at Cosmo's request until Sonic was back to normal, and Knuckles that she cared for Sonic deeply but he clearly had a few issues to resolve and had tried her best to help but without communication there was nothing to fight for.
Both Knuckles and Tails understood and told her that, wishing her good luck and apologizing for their friend's actions, while also thanking her for everything she had done for the team during the Johto journey and assured her that Sonic too was grateful for it even if he didn't seem to be.
They were video calling in the moment and Jasmine had actually shed a tear upon hearing that, answering that she knew and that was what broke her heart more than anything.
That was the last time anyone of them had talked with her. And the fact that it was apparently no one's true fault made them fill all the more shitty.
As the days went by, although Tails and Knuckles did hang out with Jet and Wave from time to time, they were mostly doing their own thing. Knuckles had returned to his treasure hunting, aided by Suicune, while Tails returned to his workshop and began researching Sonic and Raichu's bond by using DNA from one of Sonic's quills and a bit of Raichu's fur.
After a lot of research, including speaking with some experts about DNA research on an online forum, Tails discovered something rather intriguing.
Sonic and Raichu's DNAs had somehow mingled together.
Although this didn't alter the basis for their DNAs, it explained all the perks of their connection.
Raichu had grown stronger compared to other Raichus because it had been bonded on a deeper biological level with another living being. While Sonic's super speed had come from Raichu's use of quick attack only a lot more complex.
The two were literally being empowered off of one another.
Tails also discovered a lot more mysterious sequences in their DNA, indicating more possible abilities. But for some reason he couldn't analyze them.
There was one that seemed a little closer to the others, close enough for Tails to grasp it but something was inhibiting him.
He had theorized that the recent developments in Sonic's psyche were inhibiting this ability from manifesting or more accurately, inhibiting him from studying it, as he believed it had already manifested.
But it was only a theory. To do so he would need to talk to his friend. And Sonic wasn't cooperating.
After petting and feeding Raikou, the beast went to sit on its side where Tails had bought a massive meowth bed. Raikou laid down and began falling asleep.
Tails smiled at the sight, unable to get enough of his legendary partner. It had no business being this adorable.
The door to his workshop opened.
Tails turned and his face dropped.
He couldn't utter a word.
He had never seen Sonic this bad. He even wondered if that was what he looked like when pursuing Giovanni for revenge.
He looked sleep deprived, malnourished and very much anything else an extreme case of depression had in store for someone.
The moment Sonic entered, Raikou lifted its head and stared at Sonic intensely, not even blinking.
The two friends remained in silence for a while until the hedgehog decided to speak.
"I need to confess".
"Clearly. But first go and take a shower, eat, take care of yourself in general. I can't look at my friend being a wreck".
Sonic nodded and headed home.
His parents and Jet tried once again to ask him how he was but he brushed them off, stating he would tell them soon too.
After a quick shower and a sandwich, Sonic was able to think again. A premature plan had began forming in his mind about how to finally proceed.
He walked into his home's backyard, where his Johto team was. His Kanto team had gone back to Mewtwo's cave, although they frequently visited thanks to Mewtwo per their own request as Alakazam could feel Sonic's deteriorating state.
Sonic had a small exchange with each of his pokemon before recalling them, planning to take them to Tails place.
Upon approaching Entei, however, the beast growled. It wasn't friendly.
Sonic was heartbroken this was still the case. Ever since returning from Johto, Entei had turned hostile towards him. It reacted well to the rest of his family and his friends but every time he approached it, it felt ready to pounce and eat him.
With a heavy heart Sonic apologized to Entei and recalled it. He then headed to Tails' place.
Knuckles was there. Suicune was in the corner with Raikou.
Once Sonic walked in, both beasts began staring at him, their gazes following him everywhere he went like cameras.
"Hey" Knuckles greeted Sonic.
"Hey" Sonic greeted back.
"So… what have you got to say for yourself?" Tails asked him interrogatively. He didn't want to sound mean but they couldn't be nice now.
"I have to say… that I messed up. I messed up and it messed me up in return".
Tails tilted his head as he was sitting at his desk.
"Is this about what happened in the Johto league?"
"Yes".
Tails sighed. Knuckles closed his eyes in sadness.
"I thought we were past this Sonic. You made mistakes before. When you pursued Giovanni. We even talked about this. Why would you isolate yourself from us, from Jasmine, over an accident?"
Sonic averted his gaze in shame.
"Because it was no accident".
"What?!" Knuckles' head twisted so fast Tails thought it would tear off.
"What do you mean it was no accident? They proved it. You had no ill intent".
"Yes I did".
Tails and Knuckles were very confused.
"But… this doesn't make any sense. Sure tension ran high that day but we all saw that footage. Sure you were on edge when you declared that attack but you only declared it. If you had ill intent for Ash's Pikachu, the only way Raichu could have known is if…"
Suddenly Tails gasped, remembering his research. That supposed unlocked but not manifested ability.
And then further back, the night Ho-oh had healed Sonic and Raichu, saving them from death.
Sonic had figured out Tails' Espeon was Jolty's brother. And yet it was communicated through Raichu and Espeon.
"The only way Raichu could have known is if it read your thoughts".
Sonic regretfully nodded.
Tails' hand covered his mouth.
"What thought did you make Sonic?" he asked him weakly.
"Make it suffer" Sonic admitted.
His two friends were now staring at him in utter disbelief. Suicune's eyes had narrowed.
"Why?" Tails managed to ask even though his mind was no longer functioning properly.
"I no longer know. I don't know what's real or not anymore" Sonic slumped down in a chair "all I know for sure is in that moment, I snapped".
"But why would you snap? You had been in that situation before. Ash had a similar though less extreme reaction in the Kanto league. What was different this time?" Knuckles tried to get more out of Sonic.
Sonic navigated the mess of memories of the last month even though he already knew the answer.
"Carrie Morrison's visit".
Tails remembered. She had visited Sonic right before his battle with Ash. She had tried to get him to continue pursuing Giovanni.
"Sonic… what did she tell you?"
"A lot. But… there's one thing in there. The one thing that messed me up. The one thing that has plunged me in darkness and uncertainty".
"Just tell us already!" Knuckles grabbed him by the shoulders, annoyed at the unnecessary elaboration.
"She said that because I wouldn't pursue Giovanni… that I'm just as bad as him".
The silence was palpable.
No response could be issued.
How could it?
"At first I thought she was just unable to control her emotions. But… then I got so angry… with Ash, with Giovanni, with fucking everything! And when Pikachu just wouldn't give up and declared it wasn't weak and could rise above us I snapped. Neither it nor Ash understand just how much we went through. They only saw us pursuing power for our own gain. And in that moment all I was thinking was I'd do anything for him to see how wrong he was even if it meant hurting Pikachu. And I did" his voice cracked as he began sobbing, unable to hold his emotions anymore.
Tails and Knuckles didn't know what to say anymore. It was beyond whatever they could have imagined.
"Why didn't you tell us earlier?"
"Because I couldn't. I'm ashamed. I don't know what to think, what to feel anymore. Hell I don't know who I am anymore. I used to think all I did to stop team rocket was because I wanted to do the right thing but now I no longer feel this is the case. I only feel shame. In all the rockets we hurt, all the people I tricked with my actions, everything".
He buried his face in palms.
"Maybe Mrs Morrison was right. Maybe… in trying to stop Giovanni… I became him".
Knuckles' massive fist met his cheek, sending him to the wall.
"Just how pathetic can you be?!" his stoic, dead calm voice asked him.
Sonic didn't reply.
"The Sonic I know is a good person who wouldn't hurt anyone. And if he made a mistake, even if he was dumb and tried to go it alone, he would come around eventually and own up to it. What did you do? You ran away. You went no contact with a girl that loved you and lost her forever. You allowed the words of a grieving widow to determine who you are!"
Tails tried to be a bit more delicate.
"I think what Knuckles is trying to tell you Sonic is, you made a huge mistake this time sure. But… you're wrong here. You're not like Giovanni. You only feel this way because your mind is trying to find a quick solution to process everything that happened in quick succession following Morrison's death. So to keep your sanity you convinced yourself you're just as evil as the monster who killed Jake Morrison".
Sonic was fully expecting his friends to disown him for his actions.
"How can you say that? After all I did? I had you break Proton's legs. I tortured the rockets we got our hands on. How can these be the actions of a good individual?"
"They are not. But you are not perfect either. Which is why we want to stand by you Sonic. But to do that you need to start owning up to your failure" Tails explained.
"How do I do that? How do I take back something like this?"
"You can't" Knuckles sternly said "just like you said. The people think it was just an accident. Convincing them Raichu did what it did by reading your thoughts will be next to impossible".
"But I believe" Tails continued for Knuckles "a good start would be reaching out to Ash. Try to apologize. Properly".
Knuckles agreed.
"He has seen you gain you super speed and knows of the bond between you and Raichu. Convincing him of something like this is not impossible".
Sonic didn't say anything. His heart was telling him this was the right thing to do but Ash's hateful expression and his last words to him were like a brick wall that he had to break through.
"What if he doesn't forgive me?"
Tails looked away.
"As the leading authority on forgiveness here" Knuckles took over, as he had managed to forgive his grandfather recently "I can tell you right now that what you did is unforgivable. Ash may never forgive you. But I agree with Tails. It's worth trying. The kid is headstrong and somewhat dense but he has a kind heart. So there's hope".
Sonic allowed himself to weigh the pros and cons. He quickly figured there weren't really any cons as the situation couldn't really get much worse.
"Alright. I guess I should go and prepare my backpack for a quick trip to Kanto. Then again Mewtwo may be able to take me there".
"Wait" Tails stopped him and logged into his computer preparing for a video call.
The receiver of the call was going to be professor Oak.
"You are in contact with the professor?" Knuckles asked Tails in surprise.
"Yeah. I wanted his opinion on some of my findings regarding Sonic and Raichu's bond. Thankfully he was kind enough to reply immediately. Maybe he…"
Tails didn't even manage to finish his sentence as Oak picked up appeared on screen.
"Well hello Tails my boy. Did you have any breakthroughs in your research? Oh and hello there Sonic and Knuckles".
"Good evening professor. Sorry for the unexpected call" Tails quickly took over skipping the pleasantries "actually I called you for something else".
Sonic took over before Tails could continue.
"I want to give a very long overdue apology to Ash professor. About my misconduct in the Johto league".
Oak's smile was erased.
"Hmmm… that will be rather tricky. Ash is still very angry at you. And also he's not here".
"Where then?"
"Pikachu's tail was healed two days ago and so it, Ash and Brock took off on a new journey. They are visiting the Hoenn region".
"Hoenn" Sonic repeated, remembering Wave had returned from there recently "I see. Thanks professor. And if you see Mrs Ketchum please apologize to her for me since I will not be coming over for the apology".
"She is not upset my boy. And neither am I. It was an accident".
Sonic contemplated revealing Tails' discovery about the reading of thoughts between himself and Raichu but Tails nodded negatively. They needn't complex the situation further. Not yet anyway.
"Thanks again professor. Talk soon" Tails ended the call.
"So Hoenn" Knuckles said "he could be back in Kanto after months. What's the plan?"
"There is only one plan. I go find him in Hoenn" Sonic quickly declared with no hesitation.
"Are you sure?"
"I need to face my failure. And my grave mistake. Even if he doesn't accept my apology he deserves to know he was right" Sonic said before taking off his belt with his pokeballs.
When Tails looked at him in question, Sonic was quick to explain.
"Don't give me that look. I'm not going there to battle. I'm merely going to apologize. Bringing them with me could feel like an aggressive move. So until I return I want you to take care of my pokemon for me Tails. Pretty please?"
Tails nodded, though still looking like he was questioning something.
Sonic then turned to leave so he could go prepare.
"That's not what I'm questioning you about" Tails stopped him from leaving.
Sonic turned around again.
"Why are you leaving all of them?"
"I just said why".
Tails took off Raichu's pokeball.
"Even Raichu?"
Sonic's eyes glowed with regret.
"Especially Raichu. I forced it to carry out that horrible act. It shouldn't have to bare the weight of my errors".
"Raichu is your partner! Partners are there to share this kind of burden!" Tails protested.
"Not this time. Raichu won't come with me for this. It doesn't deserve to pay for my mistake. My decision is final" Sonic shut down the conversation and left.
Quickly heading home, shutting down an attempt from Amy to talk to him, not caring what her situation was in the moment, he prepared his backpack and called Jet and his parents to the living room to explain that he was leaving again as well as the mistake he made and to open up about all the darkness he had been wrestling with at the final leg of his Johto journey as well as the last month.
His parents were disappointed by his actions, even though they found it hard to believe that Raichu could actually hear his thoughts and the other way around.
Regardless his mother, Bernadette let Sonic know that they still loved him and she was proud that he was going to own up to his mistake regardless of the consequences. His father, Jules, subsequently also wisely told his son that, although he needed to own up to his mistake, he shouldn't judge himself based only his mistakes.
"Remember son. Life is complicated. So you should never judge someone based on their worst mistakes alone. And that includes yourself".
Sonic was encouraged despite the immense guilt he still felt over the entire situation as he hugged his parents goodbye, taking his backpack and leaving Green Hills once again.
With his speed, he was just in time to catch the plane. As he took off, heading for the faraway Hoenn region, he looked through his phone for any new songs to listen to try and help himself relax just a little.
He came across one and downloaded it. Although the song was cool, Sonic could never imagine how much impact it would have on his journey.
The title of the song was Live and Learn.