Fate Gold and Steel – chapter 1 - Dreams
I keep walking forward as I try to escape this hell.
I ignored the cries of help from countless people as I ventured more aimlessly.
I care not where my destination lies so long as I escape this crimson world.
So long as I don't look back, I feel like I would be fine.
And yet...
"Why did you leave us!
Why are you the only one that survived!"
The wails of the damned are too loud for me to ignore.
An unbearable guilt is threatening to crush my very soul.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
I keep repeating those words.
'Why am I the only one that survived? Why am I too weak to save them. Do I deserve to live?'
I keep thinking those thoughts.
I could feel their hatred behind me. I could hear their pleas.
As guilt was about to consume me. As I almost turned around.
A ray of light suddenly shines through in front of me.
I was drawn to that light like a bird to the sky.
As I feel my body getting restored, I suddenly realize what that light was.
It was a light of hope. A utopia far away from this hell.
I instantly forget about the cries of the dead as I was mesmerized by that light.
And so, I ran. I ran as fast as I could trying to reach that utopia.
And yet regardless of how much I tried I am unable to reach that light.
'Why... Why is such a place so unreachable?'
I pleaded for an answer, yet nothing came.
"Please wait!"
I begged for the heavens above, yet there was only silence.
Was this my punishment for ignoring their pleas? To be unable to reach that man of gold?
Is what Shirou Emiya thought. But he will realize in the future how wrong he was about that light and that man.
He then woke up from this nightmare and saw a man in black.
I did more investigations about the fire and found out that the boy no longer has anyone to turn to.
So, I planned to adopt him.
As I finished all the preparations for his adoption, I then visited the hospital where the boy is.
"Here is the room sir."
After the nurse guided me to his room I then entered.
I saw the boy sleeping as the doctor examined his body for any damage.
"How is he?"
I asked the doctor about the boy's condition.
"He miraculously received no serious damage. His lungs are in a bad shape, but it seems that his natural healing is amazing. I assure you he will be fine and will be able to make a good recovery. He should be able to wake up soon enough."
The doctor assured me that he is in good health.
I was very glad. After all he was my savior.
"I'll leave you two alone for now."
As the doctor left the room I was then left alone with the boy.
While I wait for the boy to wake up. It was then that I pondered. What if the boy doesn't want to go with me?
As I think of ways to persuade him, I suddenly hear a voice.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"..."
He whispered with pain, apologizing probably to his dead parents.
I could see his face contorted. He must be having a nightmare.
All of this happened because of me.
I know I cannot be atoned for all of my sins, but I want to atone this one at least.
I then hold his hands trying to ease his pain.
"Pls wait!"
"..!"
He then woke up screaming at the top of his lungs while trying to reach for the ceiling which surprised me.
It was fortunate that I placed a bounded field that blocked the noise from coming outside.
I then took hold of his raised hand once again trying to assure him that it was safe.
He then looks around and eventually stops his gaze at me.
"...Who are you?"
"I'm the one who saved you from the fire. I know it's hard to accept... But your parents are dead, and you have no one to turn to. But if you like it, I can adopt you."
I know it's too sudden to drop all this information at the boy especially after what just happened. But I don't know what I would do if he did not accept me.
"I know..."
He answered with hollow eyes.
"..."
The room became silent. What a stupid way to start a conversation.
"...So, do you want me to adopt you?"
He then looks at me with hesitation.
I got scared at the thought of him not accepting so I did something irrational.
"I am a Magus"
After saying those words, I flipped a formless switch activating my magical circuits which generates magical energy. I then shaped that magical energy to what I imagine as a ball.
"Ugh."
I could feel the pain in my degraded circuits due to the curse of the grail.
The ball is then formed in my hand. It was a hollow creation materialized by the use of graduation air.
"Magic is real?!"
I never thought I'd be this desperate but it's worth it after seeing his reaction.
His hollow eyes were now brimming with light.
He asked with such excitement, and I answered instantly.
"Yes."
I then threw the ball to the boy, but the ball instantly faded as the world corrected the inconsistency within it before he could catch it.
"Then ...
Do you also know that man with golden hair and red eyes?
Is he a magician too?"
"..!"
Such a surprising question from the boy.
To think that servant survived the mud of the grail and met the boy in the fire.
But in the end, he is still just a servant.
He cannot survive that long after the end of the war. So, I have nothing to worry about.
"I know that man, but he probably died from the fire."
"Ah... I see."
I saw the light in his eyes fade.
The boy sounds disappointed which is surprising since he can't imagine someone seeing that person in a good light.
But anyways I once again ask the question to the boy.
"I will once again ask. Do you want to be adopted by me?"
"...I do"
The boy gives his answer with an obvious fake smile that goes unnoticed by Kiritsugu who is brimming with joy after being accepted by his savior.
"But before we do this, do you remember your name?"
The boy then makes a shocked expression clearly being surprised with the question. He tried to recollect the only name he remembered.
"Shirou... It's Shirou."
After fully recovering from my injuries in the fire I was then adopted by the man named Kiritsugu Emiya.
Since I no longer remember my parents, I was now Shirou Emiya.
The doctor told me I can't remember my parents because of the trauma from the fire.
But I know that is not the case.
I went to the burned field often to look at the scenery.
I went to the place where nothing remained, opened the door that didn't exist, walked through the hallway that didn't exist, and smiled at my mother who wasn't there anymore.
I wanted to return to the days before the fire happened.
I awaited the moment when I would wake from this bad dream.
But that didn't happen. And so, I just accepted reality and moved on from the past.
But even the future seems to be full of darkness as that man I saw as my light is dead.
Or so Kiritsugu told me, but I rejected such reality.
Even when I met him for just a moment, I know such a great being can't die easily.
Especially when the existence of magic was revealed to me.
I still vividly remember the beauty of gold that remained untouched despite the hell around us.
He emanates the aura of a king that had ruled the world itself.
He was a storm greater than that hell. An existence greater than everything I know.
That is why I rejected the possibility of such a man dying to a mere fire that is too scared to even approach him.
And so, I will wait for the day to meet him once again.
We then arrived at Kiritsugu's house at the northern end of Miyama town.
It was surprisingly large and old.
It was a rare Japanese style building even within the town.
"Welcome to Emiya residence Shirou."
Kiritsugu spoke to me with a welcoming tone.
I was observing the house more until Kiritsugu called me again.
"Shirou! help me move in your things."
"Coming!"
As I helped Kiritsugu move my belongings, an hour came to pass.
It's now 5pm. We have nothing more to do so I began to ready myself.
I approached Kiritsugu and asked him the question with excitement.
"So... When will I start learning?"
Kiritsugu then looked at me with a puzzled face.
"Learn what?"
"Magic! I thought you're going to teach me."
It was then that Kiritsugu made a face of realization as if remembering something important.
"Ah... That.
Shirou I am very sorry but... I won't be able to teach you."
His answer leaves me in shock.
"Eh... Why!?"
I was so upset since I thought the reason he showed it to me is that he will teach me.
"Listen Shirou, the world of magecraft is dangerous.
There are many bad people that will come for you if you try to enter it.
I am just not allowing you because it's for your own good."
He tried explaining to me why, but I really don't care right now.
"Bu-"
"Please, listen to me just this once Shirou.
Think this through first since you will not be able to come back to your normal life once you are part of it.
Maybe go outside and talk to other kids first so that you may know what you will lose."
The man asked me with a sad expression as if begging me to not make a rash decision.
"F-fine..."
"Return here once the Sun sets"
"Yes dad"
"..."
I then left Kiritsugu all alone and left the house.
I could see that he doesn't want to teach me so I will comply... For now.
As I explored the town, I helped as many people as I could.
I helped an old man carrying his goods, a man asking for directions, a lady cleaning her house, and many more.
Just as I am about to go back home, I then caught a glimpse of something familiar.
A boy that is seemingly the same age as me with golden hair.
He then turned around sensing me staring at him and our eyes met.
Amber and crimson once again reunite.
His aura of gold was similar to that man no doubt, but his demeanor is completely different.
The boy in front of me seems to be polite and modest while the man I know is full of arrogance and selfishness.
He then gives me a warm smile.
'They must be related'
I thought to myself as I tried approaching the boy for answers.
But he walked faster than me as if trying to get away.
No.
He wants me to follow him, and I did.
I keep walking trying to chase after him.
I did not know where we were going but I kept following the light that is him.
I am captivated by that light like a moth to a flame.
After minutes of walking, we finally reach a place that allows us to see the sunset.
"So, tell me Shirou, is this view beautiful?"
The boy spoke my name with an angelic voice.
It was similar to that man's charisma yet different.
I have not told him my name, so I asked him a question.
"Did your father mentioned me to you?"
He then looks at me with confusion while I stare back at him with the same expression.
"Father?"
He asked with a confused smile.
It seems I was mistaken about his relation to that man.
"Oh, you meant that man..."
After realizing who I am talking about, he then made an annoyed face.
"I would not call him my father, but I think big brother is good enough regardless of how much I hate it since we are related."
He did not hide his hostility to his own brother.
"Ah I see."
"But anyways, is this scenery to your liking Shirou?"
The boy once again asks me the question.
The sun is setting behind him while he smiles at me waiting for an answer.
His golden glow matches that of the Sun's radiance making the view more beautiful.
His smile was like a curse that charmed my whole being.
'Cute'
I thought to myself.
"I appreciate the compliment"
He said, indicating I said it out loud which made me embarrassed.
His very image resembles that of that man yet is very different.
If that man is a star that you cannot approach, then this boy is a warm light that is ready to envelop everyone near him.
To think someone could be this bright.
"...Yes, it is very beautiful."
I spoke with amazement.
"I knew you'd like it.
Now, I know you're going to ask why I brought you here so allow me to answer."
I was definitely curious as to why such a person would be interested in me.
Yet his answer leaves me with more confusion.
"It's because you have chosen a path that fascinates me.
And I'd like to know your final conclusion."
"H-huh?"
I can only give him a clueless face after that answer.
"Hmm? Ah not concrete enough I see. How about a simple question.
What is your wish?"
"..."
My wish? Ever since that day there is only one craving in my soul.
That is...
"I want to be like you. I want to be a light greater than that hell that will be able to save everyone!"
I said with a smile as I declared it to the little brother of the man who saved me.
"I see... but from what I am seeing you are trying to be the hell."
"H-huh?"
His answer completely shocked me.
"I don't get it... Is trying to help people a bad thing?"
I asked with a face of confusion.
"No Shirou, it is the way you help other people that I found wrong.
Your way of helping is basically trying to fix someone's problem all by yourself, right?"
I nodded to his question.
"Yes, that is a big problem. You are basically making them lazy by making yourself a servant to them.
Since they know you will help them, they will just use you so that they can become lazy."
"Is there anything bad about that?"
I asked him as if there was nothing wrong with that.
"It is wrong. Shirou, do you know the future of humanity?"
I cock my head as he continues.
"Humanity will one day explore the stars; can you believe that?"
"Really?"
"Yes, humanity is a species of endless ingenuity so they will one day leave this planet and find their end at the sea of stars."
He then looked up in the sky and I followed.
I saw countless shining stars in the dark sky illuminating the empty space.
"This is where our future leads to?"
I asked with an awed expression, and he happily answered with a smile.
"Yes, it's beautiful, isn't it?
With their ingenuity combined with their impossible dreams they can move forward enough to reach those stars."
To think humans could reach so far... Their hopes and dreams have truly captivated me.
"But Shirou, if one day humanity loses their drive for their advancement, they are doomed to meet their end on this planet, never reaching that beautiful future.
That is what we call a bad end. Do you wish for humanity to have such an ending?"
Faced with such information I could only have a single answer.
"No... I refuse to accept such an outcome!"
I reject such a future with all my being.
"Well then what is your solution, Shirou Emiya."
Faced with such a question that I know will decide my very future, I have to think.
If humanity needs something to set that future in stone that I have to be...
"An example."
"Hoh."
He looks at me with high expectations.
"If those dreams can truly decline...
Then I shall be the guide that will set them on the right path and the example that will remind them how far they can reach!"
Each word I spoke is a promise that is etched on my very soul.
"Even if humanity one day were to wake up from their dreams, I will still keep on dreaming."
So that they might be able to remember how beautiful it is to dream.
To guide and help humanity. That is my only path.
It is my duty as the one who survives that hell to be one of their lights.
Just like how that man is to me, so that we may reach our own paradise.
My dream may have been impossible to achieve but I found it beautiful, nonetheless.
To look into the horizon and to try reaching for it. It was then that I realized how beautiful humanity is.
Just the thought of helping them is enough to touch the void within me.
I then heard a laugh.
"Ahaha... Ahahahahahahahahahaha!"
He began to laugh as he places his right hand at his forehead
I got embarrassed thinking he was making fun of me but that does seem to be the case.
His laugh has a fondness in it.
"You are truly interesting, Shirou Emiya."
He said with a big grin on his face.
"You wish to learn magecraft correct?"
I nodded with excitement.
"Then I will be waiting for you in the church. There is a priest there that can teach you that.
And make sure your father never knows any of this, even our meeting."
"The church? But... isn't that too far? And how would I be able to go there without my dad knowing. And why can't he know it?"
"Think of it as a test. Even if you have given me an interesting answer, I still need to see your determination. As for your father, didn't he not allow you to learn it? He will surely stop you if he learned of this."
He is right, Kiritsugu won't allow me to learn magic so he must not know this.
But still... Going to the church is impossible for me right now without my father knowing.
"And don't worry Shirou, we will wait for you regardless of how many days, weeks, months, or years you need. So don't give up on me after all of that speech on day one."
He assured me that he will wait for me, and I cannot disappoint him.
"I will try my best!"
I spoke with unmatched determination.
"I am sure you will but for now this is our goodbyes."
And before I knew it, he vanished in front of me, nowhere to be seen.
Ah, I forgot to ask his name. But then I realize its way past sunset.
Oh no I have to go home.
I ran as fast as I could and reached my new house.
After opening the gate, I saw Kiritsugu standing at the opened door of the house.
"You're late."
He spoke.
"I'm sorry..."
I tried apologizing thinking he was angry.
"It's fine. Just, don't repeat it again."
"Yes, I won't."
"Anyways, Welcome back Shirou. The food is cold since you are late so don't complain to me."
He says in a friendly tone trying to ease the atmosphere.
I smiled and entered the house fully accepting my new life.
"You're in a good mood today, Gilgamesh. Did something happen?"
The priest spoke to the smiling boy who entered the church.
"The boy proves to be more interesting than I thought Kirei.
To think I'd find someone who's that foolish, he is truly fascinating."
'He is just like him'
The boy thought to himself as he recalled someone.
"Hoh."
The priest is surprised as he has never seen the king of heroes give someone such a compliment.
"Our paths are the same, but our ways are completely different.
We are bound to oppose each other in the future and the same goes for you.
Train the boy Kirei, I want to see if he can overcome me and prove that his way is the right one."
"I will try my best, Gilgamesh."
He said with a grin on his face.
The priest is excited to meet the boy whom the King of heroes declared to be like him.
"But what will you be doing then, Gilgamesh?"
Asked the priest and the boy instantly answered.
"I'll watch over his progress in the sidelines like I always do and make sure he won't stray from his path."
The boy then left the church leaving the priest alone.
"Those who dream of impossibilities usually suffer the worst of fates, but their lives are the ones that shine the brightest.
Show me Shirou Emiya if you are worthy enough to bear that dream."
The boy spoke to himself as his crimson eyes' stares at the dark sky to look at the stars.
At the same time in a different place a pair of amber was doing the same.
Chapter end