Empty Husk 3 - or 'My Emotions, Shattered but my Will, Unbroken' (Kotomine Kirei!SI feat. Whitesnake)
April 1989.
Winter had just finished, and I still had a few weeks of 'work break' to enjoy with my family.
Within the very year that I married Claudia, my wife and I became parents. Considering the overall enthusiasm shown by the short-haired minx, I wasn't that surprised for such event to ensue so suddenly, but alas I was perplexed by the possibility of this screwing more with the timeline.
Caren was born a healthy baby girl, taking a lot of her appearance from her mother, while her personality was, as predictable, akin to mine. Not the same, no- she lacked the same emotionless drive as I did. She yearned for my attention and smiled by instinct. It was just very rare for her to be 'too happy' about something and she tended to be quite capricious over her displays to avoid being too 'revealing to any dummies around'.
I blamed Risei for being a moron of a grandpa and trying to annoy the poor kid since she was a newborn.
At the age of 4, Caren thrived as a semi-independent child. I wouldn't say she was outright autonomous, but didn't lament or whine over gifts and seemed to really appreciate being coddled by her mother. Likewise, she appreciated spending time with me, which was quite common whenever I took some pauses from my job as Executor.
I had been planning to outright retire, but rather than just employ logic and be potentially skewered by my boss for 'just asking', I decided to focus on my training and eventually coerce this departure on a 'more equal footing'.
Father was aware of my wish, but appreciated that I wasn't taking any unwarranted risks now that I had a family on my back. He was still around, but he seemed to appreciate more now spending less time around me as 'his job was almost done' in that matter.
I didn't care since it meant he could further invest in strengthening the Kotomine's reach within Italy and Japan. It's been a while since he did so, and I guess there was some weight into doing so since... a faint seal has appeared on my palm.
If I remember correctly, this was the sign that the Grail had selected me for the Holy Grail but... I thought such a process would have required a closer date to the event itself. Didn't the original Kirei get it two or so years before the War began?
I wasn't sure of this detail, but Risei saw it as a reason to 'cement' our position within Fuyuki. And... while the idea seemed crazy, if I managed to purge all troubles out of the city and make sure that no hostile threat took residence in that city, I could potentially move my family there.
This decision wasn't even one without a good merit to it: Rome and Italy, those places were not safe for me.
Europe in general was not a good place to avoid politics, likewise the States where the practices of Magus families were monitored with zealous intrigue.
Fuyuki was in Asia, a place where spirituality was far-reaching, and it faced a limited hold from any of the important groups around. It had also became a major foothold for the Kotomine family through my father, and as the 'Overseer' role acquired a position well above some of the major players, that would allow me to either destroy the Grail or limit the manipulations from the worst players in those competitions.
I was still going to find a way to destroy the Grail, but if the HGW gave me the chance to root out Zouken and take care of other lingering threats, I was going to exploit that opportunity. But for now, I was stuck with being a dad that struggled with feelings.
I couldn't love Caren since I was physically fucked that way. I could appreciate her efforts, I could judge her actions in base of her merits, but most of my interactions were driven by pure and utter mimicry of what I remember Risei do with me and what other parents tended to behave like with their children.
Despite some uneasy displeasure at the chance of being caught, Caren didn't seem to notice. Same for Claudia. Love was... the worst feeling for me. For my own view of Love was the need to inflict pain. So, for Caren and Claudia's sake, I didn't love them but I worked with them out of self-imposed duty.
Salvation was not an option, so I didn't despair like the original Kirei would have. In fact, I was a gloomy fellow from the get-go and one aware that once I retired, I would have to find a good brutal hobby to keep my dark desires under control.
Today wasn't any different as I was out for 'business' while having Caren around.
With her mother busy with the groceries from time to time, I would claim our daughter for a little playdate. Once more we visited the park and, much to my flat surprise, it was mostly empty as we got there.
Caren's favorite area was the jungle gym. I was aware that it was because she could do 'cool things' and then get caught by me if she messed up. It was that daredevil attitude that made my blood boil hot as I wanted to 'slip for a moment' and- and not think about the dangerous intrusive thoughts I had.
Caren never got hurt, but I did chide her whenever this habit became too extreme. I think there was also my father to blame as he told her of how young I was when I started to train and, Caren being a precocious child that wanted to stand up beside her daddy, she wanted to do exercises.
Truth be told, an interesting way to get my child to do some basic training but there was no doubt that my own malicious instincts rendered those 'circumstances' too deadly for someone like my sanity. Nonetheless, she made a positive effort and almost fell twice through the full hour we spent there.
The girl was cooked and ready for a nap as I carried her back home. Rome's streets were busy, but the district we lived in lacked any troublesome company that would try to 'exploit' the sight of a lone father bringing his child back home.
Part of me wanted for trouble, just to draw some blood from people that deserved it, but it would also annoy my child. And that was part of my duty to her.
Our return home was peaceful, but as we crossed the front door, I was greeted by Risei paying a visit with... another familiar face. Tohsaka Tokiomi was someone I expected to eventually meet early on before the HGW-related plotting, but I wasn't expecting such an abrupt visit and one without a warning.
And I could also see that a newborn was resting in his arms.
Math was my friend as I did a quick calculations as I slowly approached the two men and...
Why is Tokiomi here with Sakura?
"Kirei, I would like to present you a good friend of mine but... would you like to bring Caren to her room first?" Risei asked, speaking in Japanese as an appeasing compromise for our foreign friend.
I nodded and turned to the aristocratic fellow. "Apologies, she was quite giddy with the jungle gym."
Tokiomi offered me a sympathetic nod. "I can relate to it. And please, this is your home."
Another nod, and I was off to get Caren brought to her bed. She was asleep, happily munching from her pillow as I left her under the covers before walking back in the living room. The situation I was dealing with was, after all, one that not even my big brain could just decipher on the spot.
It took me a few words to finally unravel this huge WTF moment in the making. To put it bluntly, playing with the butterflies caused the butterflies to play back: Risei's early return to 'politics' made him approach the Tohsaka earlier than he would have over the news of my potential candidacy as a Master.
Tokiomi planned to create an alliance in the 'name of the Greater Good and the Lord'. Still, his proposal came with a rather frustrating detail that I was glad Risei didn't fully unveil to the ambitious Magus: he wanted me to adopt his youngest child to 'deal with two problems at once'.
The first problem was a matter of loyalty, with the 'political adoption' making it more binding for a proper alliance for the war. The second problem was... Zouken. At this point, the Matou Clan didn't know that Tokiomi had a second child. Sakura was born just a month ago and this opportunity gave Tokiomi the means to not only get his kid to a safer family, but also show it off with the Matou to prevent any potential 'renewed rivalries from the old worm'.
A curious gamble, but one that played heavily on a few desires that both Claudia and I had on the topic. Starting with the fact that Claudia couldn't bear more children without risking death. Despite all efforts to make her body as healthy as a human could get, the damage done early on had made her body less developed inwardly, specifically in her reproductive organs.
Claudia had a troubled pregnancy, but one that she survived without much of a risk. The issue was that the doctors were certain a second pregnancy or more of those would make her survival rate drop considerably and well below 40%. With those stakes in mind, Claudia had to give up the hope of a 'big happy family' and... this reopened the opportunity to get that wish realized.
I was convinced only because of hurting the Worm. Zouken didn't deserve Sakura, and any chance to make him less resilient was good enough in my books to accept the deal. No Geas was asked, but I didn't expect Tokiomi to ask for that as he 'trusted' good people too much.
And that trust was sure going to be a nice thing to shred within the right timing.
But for now I had to deal with a rather peculiar situation: I had all the paperworks already prepared by Risei for this exchange. The Vatican had a rather suspicious manner of handling this sort of business, and since Risei had friends in the administration, the process to officialize the system was going to be enacted quite fast.
What was left was for Claudia's signature and the paperwork could be sent directly to the proper destination. Thus, I was just waiting for my wife to take care of that situation since I knew she wasn't going to refuse due to the context and... I was left with little Sakura.
Tokiomi decided to not longer too long- it was fair to say that I could 'accept it better' that he removed Sakura from the family this early since there was no emotional attachment to properly sever. I wouldn't say that Aoi was going to be just as fine with this due to how emotionally tense women could get after pregnancies (proof being living with a rather goofy and moody Claudia for a few months after Caren was born), but she had allowed this to happen with the original Sakura when she was four so...
That ain't too big of an issue now.
As we waited, Sakura decided to 'wake up' and be hungry. Having handled baby Caren for long enough, I could tell when a baby had either soiled themselves or sought nourishment to then do so. And I was glad that Claudia had been paranoid enough to keep around the various tools from when Caren was just a little thing.
I started to prepare some milk, but Sakura's lungs proved to be a bit stronger than Caren's own sleep as the older child slowly tracked down the source of the disturbance. Her tiny head peeked from the doorstep leading into the kitchen, and she marched up to the small table where I had softly left Sakura to cry.
Tilting her head, Caren studied the baby's blue eyes and black hair, then turned to me as I alternated my stare between them and the stove.
"Who's this?"
"Your sister," I replied calmly, Caren's eyes widening in confusion.
"My... sister? How?"
"A friend of your grandfather asked if we could adopt her since he couldn't take care of her. So, she is now part of our family."
"...What's her name?"
Ah yes, a child's curiosity and wonder. It was a miracle that I had held back some mean responses for Caren's silly and innocent questions, but I was able to endure far worse so... this was a piece of cake.
"We have yet to decide since her old name would be unsavory for Italian standards," I remarked, glad that Risei had that much foresight since I doubt anyone in the high places of Rome would just nod and keep quiet about the adoption of a Japanese child with a Japanese name. "Which is why we will think of it later with your mother."
"...Does mama now?"
"Not yet." I replied with a nod as I finished checking the milk and removing it from the stove since it was warm enough.
I prepared the bottle, and then walked up to the table. I pulled Sakura in my right arm while I handled the bottle with my left one. Caren sat right beside me in another chair, studying the scene with childish curiosity.
"Was I that... frail-looking?"
I nodded. "All children are born fragile. But then they grow."
...
"Speaking of fragility, Caren, I believe it's fair I tell you this in advance: your mother may give her a lot of attention and less to you for a while."
Surprise flared within those amber-colored eyes. "W-Why?"
"This little one is fragile, you can see it yourself. Where you can handle yourself nicely and with less attention, this one requires a genuine sense of care that you too had when you were born."
"...And?"
"And it may seem like we may love you less. It is not."
Caren blinked and then looked back at the baby.
"Gina."
I frowned. "Hm?"
"I wanna call her Gina."
"...Why?" I asked, intrigued by her idea.
"She's red in the face. Like a 'Ciliegina' (Little Cherry)."
And the Sakura Trees are known as Cherry Blossom...
"It's a good name."
Caren offered a tiny smile at the indirect praise, but the moment wasn't bound to last as-
"And I am back!" Claudia announced, bags filling her hands as Caren went to check and help her a bit on the matter. "And... that's a baby."
"Our baby."
Her lone eye narrowed at the child and her giddy blue eyes as she was quite taken by the milk.
"I want to ask 'how?' but I really really want to pinch those cute cheeks~!"
As I had expected, Claudia was soon losing her mind over her new daughter, while Caren was just staring at the sight with a mixture of surprise and perplexity. I saw my oldest giving me a questioning look, but I gave her a 'I told you so' one in return.
She seemed to understand what I meant but... I didn't expect her to find the newly-named 'Gina Kotomine' a worthy 'attention magnet' to avoid getting pestered by her grandfather.
I guess that's going to be good news for now as I now prepared for the big event in five years from now.
AN
Kirei Kotomine, the Art of the (Murderous) Dad.