Chapter 31) Confrontation

Selected Listening: What Was I Made For? - Billie Eilish

A/N: Trigger warning for child loss and abortion topics.

The babe was born dead. Narcissa wouldn't let Anastasia touch the lifeless child. Bad luck, she said. They had done all they could: protection spells, pain relief potions, revival alchemy, but in the end it wasn't enough. Anastasia remembered the stillness of the infant, Narcissa taking the poor thing gently and handing it to the mother to cry over. Anastasia had wiped the tears in her eyes. Narcissa placed one hand on her shoulder, and they apparated back to the manor.

"I recommended they not go along with the pregnancy months ago," Narcissa said sadly as Mopsy rushed around to set a table for tea for them in the library. Her eyes were red and watered. "I warned them that they would save themselves a world of pain if they didn't…they wanted me to use dark magic to fix the child's condition prenatally…I refused. Unfortunately, they didn't want to believe that it couldn't be done. They wanted to try anyway…and this is the result."

Anastasia lifted her eyes from the tea to her godmother as Mopsy scampered off.

"You were with Penelope that day, weren't you? You helped her and Percy—"

"I ended the pregnancy, yes. The young lady said they were already squabbling over his new job with the ministry, and she didn't feel the need to take things further with their relationship by supporting an infant. The Weasley's are known for their chronically large family, and the young man didn't want that either at his age."

Anastasia nodded solemnly.

"Excuse me, for a moment," Narcissa said and walked out of the library. Anastasia stared down at the two cups, liquid in the cups growing tepid. She pulled the vial from her robes, uncorked it, and poured a few drops of the veritaserum in Narcissa's cup.

Anastasia felt sweat creep onto her skin. If Narcissa detected the truth-telling potion, it may end their quiet friendship forever. If she found out Narcissa used the imperious curse on Lucius to kill Francis and purposefully set up her mother for the experiment and herself for the lifeline…it would certainly end their time together.

She prepared for the worst, staring out the window, drinking her tea, trying not to think about the stillborn.

Narcissa returned and regained her seat. Anastasia noticed her makeup had been returned to perfect, and her eyes cleared of any redness.

Anastasia immediately felt guilt for her actions, but she needed to know.

Narcissa picked up the cup and took a sip.

"Can I ask you…" she paused, "…a sort of important question."

"Yes, what is it dear?" she asked with a charmed smile.

"Did you know…that when you cast the lifeline…it would force me and Draco to fall in love?"

Narcissa glanced to the window, and then back at her goddaughter. She frowned shrewdly down at her tea.

"I can't admit that it wasn't at the back of my mind…as a natural consequence…but my first priority was saving what I could of my best friend…to fulfill her request to save you…and to make up for all my mistakes that had harmed her."

"And what were those mistakes?" Anastasia asked.

Narcissa pursed her lips and seemed to choose her words wisely.

"Dating a man who clearly loathed those closest to me. Running my mouth when that man became my husband and telling him where my friends lived and what time they were usually home. Confiding him about my research on the wizarding genome, so that when he bragged about it to his boss, his boss came looking for me."

"His boss being—"

Narcissa stared at her, warning her not to say the name.

Anastasia nodded, breath heavy in her chest.

"So, you didn't?"

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't imperio Lucius into killing Francis? So that my mother would have no choice but to come to you to help her find a donor for a child? So that you could create the genome you wanted—two founders intertwined? And cast the lifeline so the Malfoys would end up with an even more elite bloodline one day?"

Anastasia found herself burning bright red by the last words.

And then Narcissa was laughing…lightheartedly…and then bitterly…and then the tears she had tried so hard to hide dripped onto her cheek bones.

"I'm not that heartless, my dear…" her gaze drifted out the window. It had clouded significantly since earlier in the afternoon and there was a haze over the forest. "Who told you that?"

Anastasia took a deep breath, remembered Dobby's fear, and reassembled her thoughts.

"There are hundreds of house elves at Hogwarts. One remembered your house elf who lived during that time…and said she had overheard you casting the spell on Lucius."

Narcissa nodded, accepting something.

"I did have Lucius under an imperious curse at the time…but it was rather my selfishness that doomed Francis, not a direct instruction."

"Oh—what did you—?"

"I ordered Lucius not to kill Holly. I was aware of the Dark Lord's bidding. Lucius would come home early in the morning, and in the papers, I would see more names, not only of aurors, but of innocents killed by death eaters. I couldn't bear it if I woke up to her name on that list, knowing Lucius had at least partial responsibility…I could have protected them both, but it would have looked suspicious if Lucius couldn't kill an auror in front of the others."

Anastasia, shocked, took a sip of her own tea to calm her nerves and set it back down. She couldn't imagine a life like that.

"But you knew he was murdering people? Why didn't you turn him in—"

Narcissa had reached the limit of her generosity.

"Because I was with child, Anastasia," she snapped. "And the rest of my family was already in Azkaban or bound for it."

Anastasia looked away, suddenly feeling regret for pressuring her. Narcissa's anger festered, and Anastasia wondered if she should be reaching for her wand.

"You want to know the truth so badly?" Narcissa gestured to the tea, hand shaking. "My family had their prison. This house has been mine since I was three years older than you. If Lucius had been imprisoned, my access to the Malfoy fortune would have been cut off. I was not about to let my child suffer for the sins of his father."

"Y-you knew? About the truth serum?" she asked. Narcissa glared.

"This isn't amateur hour, dear. I've been forced to become a clever occlumens. I felt the effects immediately, and I countered them as I saw fit. Take notes."

Anastasia blinked tears away, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"You shouldn't have," Narcissa said primly.

"But you kept drinking it?" Anastasia questioned. "And I assume you told the truth?"

Her godmother took a deep breath, her anger quelled, and smiled sardonically.

"Does make telling the truth easier," Narcissa held the teacup in a toast before taking another sip. "I'm sorry that all this worry about the past and of bloodlines has led you to believe I tricked you into all this. That was not my intention. I simply wished to save what lives I could at the time."

Anastasia nodded morosely. Narcissa, seemingly riding out the effects of the truth potion, spoke fluidly now.

"We are all trapped in something, Anastasia. Some cages are bigger than others. When I was your age, I loved coming here, as often as I could. And I did love it again after you-know-who had been vanquished. I was thankful for those years of peace."

"And now…?" Anastasia asked, remembering the deadness in Narcissa's gaze at supper.

"Things have been more difficult in the past few years…" Narcissa admitted, "…but I'm sure things will all work out eventually…perhaps once Mrs. Parkinson falls out a window."

Anastasia let out a hollow laugh. "You're…horrible"

"Am I?" Narcissa asked, smirking. "I wasn't the one who laced her godmother's tea with veritaserum."

Anastasia smiled too, but her heart hurt. Within the last few years, the only thing that had changed Narcissa's situation had been her own presence. It was time for the difficult part.

"Since Draco and I aren't officially together anymore…I was wondering, maybe it would be worthwhile to look more seriously into ways to dispel the lifeline."

"Why?" she asked, expression darkening. The liquid in her cup seemed to tremble.

"It's not fair to him…or to me…If he really wants Parkinson, he deserves real love, and I think I deserve the same. Not some falsehood we've created to ignore the magic binding us."

Narcissa looked out the window, angry, despondent.

"Impossible." The woman paused, hurt lingering in her eyes as she thought harder.

"But I need to—" Anastasia chose her next words wisely, thinking beyond her own selfishness. "I don't want to hurt him anymore." Draco or Fred.

"Do you know what you're asking?" Narcissa pressed. "Not only is the legitimate way to break the lifeline gone forever…but if the lifeline is ever successfully dissolved, you will no longer have the magical protections of our family. If things were to ever…go wrong…there would be no guarantees that Draco or I could do anything to help you."

Anastasia knew exactly what Narcissa meant by "go wrong." It was the same thing Peter Pettigrew threatened her with before in the forest, the same reason why Lucius was dancing with glee out of his secret room, and the same reason why the awful green symbol rose above the quidditch world cup. The reason behind the deadness in Sirius and Narcissa's eyes whenever they spoke of how things were before.

"I understand," she said bravely. "And I will accept those consequences should they come. But I care for Draco too much to continue to be a burden, when everyone in pureblood society is aware the two of us couldn't remain together longterm."

Narcissa stared at her goddaughter, brokenhearted, unconvinced.

"If that's the piece that's been bothering you," she began carefully, "we could have your bloodline verified. It's a difficult process, but we could afford to make any faults in your lineage disappear."

Anastasia stared blankly the woman she respected so much. This was where their ideologies were a "tad misaligned" as Narcissa so eloquently put at the begining of the school year.

"My family does not believe in the existence of blood purity, nor would we pay to legally assert ourselves above others," Anastasia stated fiercely, thinking of Hermione, Minerva, and Charity, and all the muggleborn witches and wizards she knew who would never be allowed to exist in pureblood circles, even if they had the money.

Narcissa raised her eyebrows. "In many ways, and as a geneticist, neither do I, but that does not make the requirements of the Malfoy family wards disappear. I have asked Lucius to alter them before for various reasons, but as we experienced last year, the magic is too strong to be meddled with. If you do want to be with Draco 'longterm' as you put it, that would have to come into play eventually..."

Anastasia glared out the window.

"Then I think what I requested makes the most sense," she determined and turned back to Narcissa more sincerely. "Grandad spent much of his life fighting blood supremicists like Voldemort and Grindlewald. So did my mother and her husband. I will not repay their sacrifice with my selfishness."

Narcissa sighed and muttered something along the lines of "inherited all their stubborness," but there were tears in her eyes once more.

Anastasia continued.

"If you had the choice…to go back in time and do everything differently…marry someone you loved at the right time…instead of someone your family chose for their blood lineage...have a child that is simply themselves and not controlled as an heir to an ancient inheritance…to do things because you wanted to and not because you had to make up for your family's mistakes…wouldn't you? Wouldn't you give the choice to someone else? Isn't that what your job is all about? Giving people choices?"

Narcissa looked up into her goddaughter's eyes, tears in her own, and then looked out the window again.

"Very well…if this is what you want." She took her last sip of tea. "I'll let you know when I find a way…"

Anastasia leaned forward and kissed her godmother on the cheek.

"Thank you."