Authors note: This is the first chapter of a story I'll be running alongside cog in the machine, I'll update both stories regularly.
the style of both stories is completely different, this story will be taking a much more angsty psychological horror style approach. at least for this beginning arc, as cardin goes through his journey towards accepting himself. in order to finally move on from the past, and become a better person.
the chapter structure for this first arc will go as follows. a chapter showcasing the traumatic memory related to an aspect of himself, for example. grief, which is this first chapter. the next chapter will show him confronting said aspect, this is where the horror comes in as he travels through a distorted version of the area from his memory. culminating in him battling the aspect of his past. then finally, a chapter showcasing whats going on outside of cardins mind. since most of this will occur, while Cardin is in a coma.
It had been about a week since Cardin was saved by Jaune in forever fall, the tall bully sleeping in bed. Tossing and turning, making it quite evident that the bully was having a nightmare. But unfortunately all his teammates were asleep, no one was there to wake him up.
Point of view: Cardin, in the nightmare
Cardin found himself floating, just in an endless void of black. His own mind, his dreamscape. Just completely empty, devoid of any semblance of light and hope. Joy really wasn't something he experienced anymore, he hadn't in such a long time. When did everything go wrong? When did he become so… angry? So bitter towards the world? Why does he feel so much hate whenever he looks at a Faunus now? What the hell happened to him? Worse, he began hearing a voice… his own voice. Talking to itself, as If he was reading a script like a narrator would.
"I wasn't always racist towards the Faunus, I even had Faunus friends… not that my father was ever happy about that. He'd frequently yell at me, telling me that I shouldn't be hanging out with animals. My mom though, she would always have this bright smile on her face. Telling me about how happy she was that I was making friends, she didn't care that they were Faunus. She was an angel, a shining light in a world of hate and darkness. With the aftermath of the Faunus rights war still in people's memory, things weren't in a good place. On one fateful day, my joy and light would fade all too quickly" His own voice spoke to him, sounding so empty and melancholic. His brashness was gone, any sense of his cocky act shattered like glass. This was what cardin was really like, an isolated and empty individual who couldn't feel a fragment of joy anymore. Everything he ever was, it was all just a stupid act. His way of pretending to be the perfect Winchester son, despite knowing he was anything but.
The deep pit that began growing in cardins stomach only got worse as the area around him shifted, shifting to a bustling street. Showing a festival in full swing, the festival to celebrate the vytal tournament. A young roughly seven year old Cardin walking hand in hand with a woman, his mother. The younger version of himself seemed so happy, smiling so much. But Cardin knew, he knew what this day was… a day he'd never forget. Oh how he wished he could've said he didn't want to go to the festival that day, if he'd only waited just one more day. Things wouldn't have gone the way they did, he would still be happy.
"Mom, mom! Look, they have candy apples! Can I get one? Please, please, please!" The sweet enthusiastic voice of his younger self filled his ears, the older Cardin forced to stand here. Watching everything happening, even as he reached out to try to grasp at his mother. His hand simply phased through her, he should've known. This was a memory after all, the past can't be changed. He'd be forced to watch everything happen, all over again.
"Of course sweetie, mommy will buy you anything you want today. I promised we'd go to the festival together this year after all" his mother's voice sounded out, but it sounded so distorted… so off. Had he really forgotten the way she sounded over all these years? Has it really been that long? Is this what he deserves for everything he's done? Does he deserve to forget what's important? It didn't seem right, forgetting the voice of his own mother. He could barely even remember her face too, his father had taken down all the pictures of her after this incident. Forced him not to mention her anymore, as if he was meant to just forget.
Yet despite it all, Cardin simply watched. His eyes watering as he knew what was to come, watching his younger self go to that candy apple store so enthusiastically. Seeing his mother pay for two candy apples, one for each of them. The mother and child walking hand in hand, eating their candy apples all the way. Laughing, seeming so happy together. The picture perfect example of a happy family, an image of pure joy. Shattered all too quickly, a man in a long cloak bumping into the two. It'd caused little Cardin to drop his candy apple, he'd been so sad. His mother had gone to offer her own to him, to stop her child's tears. But even that was disrupted by that cloak wearing man, his cloak dropping to reveal a button in his hand. A beeping noise coming from his body, it seemed something was on his chest.
The people in the area had started screaming, panicking and trying to get away. Yelling out about something, something the poor child version of himself couldn't quite understand. At least, not understanding the importance of it all at the time. All he could remember was his mother hastily covering him with her body, desperately shielding her child from something. Something her child couldn't understand, yet became increasingly terrified of because of her actions. After that, he only heard a few short words… coming from that cloak wearing bastard.
"For the white fang" that oddly afraid voice filled his ears, before everything started ringing as an explosion rang out through the area. Rubble, shrapnel and pieces of the once cloak wearing man flying all over the place. The screaming grew more intense now, but the young child's ears were ringing too intensely for him to hear any of it. All he knew was that his mother was still holding onto him, and wasn't letting go. When the little Cardin tried to bring his hands up, to try to move his mother. They only came back soaked in blood, his mom's pristine dress dyed a disgusting red. A red that shouldn't have been spilling, his mother wasn't meant to be bleeding. She was meant to be fine, she needed to be. She needs to be here to protect him, doesn't she? His young self couldn't understand, his mother limply falling to the floor as his child self frantically grabbed onto her. Shaking her a bit, desperately trying to wake her up.
"Mommy? Mommy wake up! You need to wake up… please! Mommy…" the poor child's voice was pleading and desperate, trying to wake his deceased mother. Holding onto her body for dear life, the young child begins to wail loudly into the chest of his now dead mother. His innocence and joy was torn away from him so suddenly that day, the only time the child stopped crying. Was when he had passed out from the strain of constant crying, leaving the older Cardin sat there. Watching his younger self unconscious, having cried himself into said state over his mother's body. The melancholic narrator-like voice, starting up again.
"That day my mother died, and my hatred for the Faunus began. They had taken my mother from me, they took my protector. My guardian angel, they took what was holding that innocent child in place. What kept my innocence rooted in, what stopped me from developing that hatred. They took the only thing that held me back from Hunting revenge, with her gone. I swore to myself, that I'd hunt down the one who ordered that attack… and I'd make them pay" something about the way his mind said that unsettled him, Cardin knew it was him talking. But that's what made it so unsettling, he knew these were his thoughts. He knew this was him, but… hearing it as if it's from someone else. Made it all the more creepy.
"When my father found out about what happened to my mother, his own hatred for Faunus grew. He forbade me from even associating with Faunus, not that I'd had any intention too. Those animals took what meant so much to me, I wouldn't associate with those… beasts anymore. I cast aside any Faunus friends I'd ever had, cut ties completely. I even left school, only taking classes from my father and the hunters he hired to personally tutor me. I was lonely, but I was safe at home. I felt like that was what my father wanted" his melancholic mind continued to speak to him, he was trapped listening to these depressing ramblings. What was his mind trying to tell him? To just give up? Let the mask fall? Show this melancholic empty image to those around him? He couldn't do that, his team was relying on him. He couldn't just sit here doing nothing, he can't wallow in his own self pity forever.
"So that's your choice? Moving on isn't as easy as you think, to move on you need to confront yourself. Your trauma, every aspect of yourself. Confront it, overcome it" his melancholic self spoke to him again, hearing the task he had ahead of him. Cardin simply nodded, his vision slowly beginning to fade a bit. The area around him shifted again, but this time… he wasn't watching from the outside. He was there, on the street of that fateful day. A thick viscous fog coating the area, dried blood painting the stone walkway. Everything looked completely abandoned, a horribly distorted and messed up version of his own memory.
It was time to confront his past, time to confront his grief. The man lookin out to the road ahead, before just sighing. A look of determination crossed his face, as he began his journey towards acceptance. Once and for all.