Chapter LXXXV

Biting and Misunderstanding

TW: Eating Disorders

I settle comfortably in my bed to begin a second reading of my favourite book; I never get tired of rereading it over and over again. I'm finally clean… Maa, "sort of." I washed myself in a hurry because Naruto didn't want to leave my bathroom… I still haven't forgiven him for his unwanted grooming on my hair. Although I'm hospitalized and recovering, I plan to do some light training to take some rust off my useless body. I'm a pitiful sight. However, my decision isn't cast in stone. I can't force and exceed my limits. With my eating disorder that I have to overcome, I'm not out of the woods yet.

The white walls are honestly starting to depress me. It's the first time in my life that I've been hospitalized for this long, and I'm dying to get some fresh air. Unfortunately, my request is refused when a nurse comes to see me. I'm still too weak, according to her… I know it's a bogus excuse. There's a reason why I'm denied a short outing in the backyard. If I insist on getting answers, she tells me that she's expected elsewhere… I sigh.

I resolve to my only option and open the windows despite the bright onslaught of the sun; I hope this will bring some fresh air and ventilate the room. Naruto leaves my bedside and sits by the window. He closes his eyes and smiles sincerely while humming. He must greatly miss the outside world, like the rural landscapes, especially if I consider his phobia of the interior and the hospital. I share a similar feeling.

Toward the end of the afternoon, I focus my gaze on the door when I hear heels. I hold my breath when I recognize Lady Tsunade. An anxious and uncomfortable ball presses against my stomach. She's alone, and I know that she will give me news about the blood tests done on my neck. Rotten with pessimism, I expect the worst…

I put down my book to give her my full attention. As for Naruto, he just stares at her.

"Good afternoon, Kakashi," Godaime greets me. "How are you today? I heard that you had a violent night terror this morning."

"Indeed," I nod, head bowed. "That said, I'm doing much better. I'm just in pain everywhere and I have a terrible headache." Unconsciously, I caress the back of my neck.

A silence settles in.

"I'm relieved that no incident happened during the full moon," she says. "Additionally, we've just received the results of the blood samples."

Cold sweat breaks out on my temple and my heart races.

"We did many tests and many comparisons with those of Naruto. Everything is normal, Kakashi. No sign of abnormality in your blood. You're still human."

"I see," I smile, relieved.

"As a precaution, we'll continue to do analyzes daily and weekly once you're released. We don't know how this group managed to turn Naruto. Even if this mark doesn't progress on your body, it doesn't exclude the possibility that your body is changing discreetly." Lady Tsunade's face darkens. "This mark is a bad omen, Kakashi. The fact that Naruto is incapable of speaking and clings to his amnesia… We have no choice but to probe his mind. We can't wait for him to loosen his tongue to get his report on his kidnapping and why he marked you."

"You'd want to use Inoichi's talents on him...?"

"We have no choice," she insists categorically. "We can't use hypnosis since he's mute. Since your presence is essential for this to go smoothly, we must wait until you've fully recovered."

This doesn't delight me at all, especially since such a practice poses risks for Naruto. Sure, we will finally have answers, but it will force my student to face his traumas, ready or not. Unfortunately, the situation now requires it; the stakes are too high. The enemy is there, able to teleport within our walls at any time. The risk of losing Naruto still weighs as much. Although I want to protect him at all costs, I have no choice but to comply with this decision. For the good of the village and Naruto, I can only accept and do what I'm asked.

"I understand that it can't be otherwise," I mutter.

The Hokage nods before examining me with her medical ninjutsu. "As long as you're hospitalized, the project will have to wait. I don't know when I can let you out, Kakashi. You've recovered from your chakra exhaustion… But since you're gonna start giving it to Naruto again, this will lengthen your recovery. You'll need one to two additional weeks if your meals go well. If you fail to gain weight back, you risk being here for more than a month."

I restrain myself from sighing and complaining. I don't want to languish here any longer than necessary… "It's not easy, but I manage to eat. However, my stomach still grumbles just as much. To be honest, it's a real struggle with myself to swallow it all."

Lady Tsunade frowns. She stops her technique and glances at the back of my neck, briefly lowering the back of my mask. I hear the familiar buzzing noises produced by my veil of static electricity.

A question crosses my mind; I wonder if I could shoot lightning through the pores of my skin like Naruto. I agree that it's perfectly possible for any talented shinobi whose chakra nature is lightning. I just never trained to learn how to do that; I preferred to vary my range of techniques and master the five natures of chakra—something that only legendary ninja have managed to accomplish. Then, another question tickles my curiosity. Would I've gained new powers with this mark on my neck?

"You no longer have appetite?" she asks me darkly.

"It's rare when I do. I was a little hungry this morning. Usually, hunger is lacking."

"How long have you had these symptoms?"

"I don't know exactly. Maybe more than a month."

She breathes a sigh of relief. "This mark isn't the cause of your eating disorder. If the bite you had on your neck was indeed used to mark you, you were marked very shortly before the kidnapping."

"Of course."

A short, but heavy silence.

"Tell me. Wouldn't you like to eat something else by any chance...?"

A cold sweat beads up on my temple. She means chakra.

I shake my head. "No. I don't want anything. I don't crave chakra either… Besides, I don't know how I could satisfy such an appetite if I did. I have no fang or ability to see the chakra veins. I don't think sticking a straw in it would work."

"Indeed. If Naruto could speak, he could explain to us how his body processes the chakra he devours."

This intrigues everyone. Chakra is something that I would describe as "gaseous." All in all, I don't think he has the sensation of sucking in and swallowing air. Also, chakra has a taste for him. Aside from mine, other people's chakra disgusts him to the point that he vomits. The taste that chakra can have arouses my morbid curiosity. If it were possible, I would taste it, just to know…

"Even if you can give it to him tonight, he'll have to limit his quantities. Otherwise, you will find yourself in the same state as when you arrived," the Hokage warns me unnecessarily, since I'm perfectly aware.

"Understood."

Lady Tsunade stares at my silver hair for too long before leaving my room. At least she didn't touch them. With their unparalleled softness and enchanting glow, I feared she'd be hypnotized by them, thus bewitched by their irresistible charm. I avoid touching them precisely so as not to succumb to their charm … without forgetting that they are covered in drool.

I let out a sigh. My hair will attract unwanted attention. Naruto will groom me again against my will. Still happy that my mask protects me. I don't want someone to come and flirt with me because I would have a physique that is "pleasing" to the eyes. I'd like to convince myself that I'm average … but I receive too many advances from women for it to be the opposite. Even my coldness isn't enough to keep them at bay…

They don't interest me and they never will.

I dive back into reading Make-Out Paradise to pass the time. My fingers hurt so much that holding my book is tedious, to the point that I lay on my side, placing my book on the sheets. They aren't swollen or reddish. Is this pain in my head? Maybe… That said, I don't plan on clipping them anytime soon. The pain is as uncomfortable as the weird itching that comes out of nowhere, without warning. I ask for an ice pack again under the pretext that I have a migraine; the cold relieves my burning fingers. I make sure not to be seen to avoid an anxiety-inducing interrogation.

Every meal and snack is mental torture. I don't know which is worse: my painful fingertips or this imposed food; both are horrible. I have no choice but to swallow it all while sulking. If only I could get a craving now that I can move. I'd enjoy eating. I miss the tangerine that I devoured like a savage… It was so delicious unlike all these sadly bland foods sprinkled with spices that taste of despair.

What I would give to regain my taste comfort.

Slowly, but surely, day gives way to night. The darkness prevents me from reading—as a result, I have to put my book aside. Naturally, I lock my eye on Naruto, who has been standing at the window all day; he even approached his stool on which he's sitting. The glow of the moon is reflected on his blond hair.

Only now do I realize his hair isn't as crazy and shaggy as it used to be. In fact, since becoming an earth entity, his hair has returned to its former appearance, although it's thicker and longer. The earth is raw, simple and powerful. Fire is free like lightning. I guess his hair follows some basic logic. After all, static electricity makes these look ridiculous, especially mine.

I find myself staring at Naruto. I notice a cold sweat slipping down his temple when he stares back at me out of the corner of his eyes. Oh. For once, I'm the one who makes him uncomfortable.

"Hmm… I guess your hair will go crazy again as soon as you get imbued with my lightning chakra," I note, a little disappointed.

Naruto sits up, runs a hand through his blond mane and arches an eyebrow. He asks me where I'm going with this.

"I just think they look better on you that way," I shrug. "You don't look like you've been put through a centrifuge."

He frowns and stares at his reflection in the window. Obviously, my comment about his thick hair troubles him. He's carefully inspecting his locks; he seems worried all of a sudden.

"Maa, whatever. My preferences aren't the ones that decide your look."

I sigh and sit on the edge of the bed. I'm a little nervous. I mentally prepare myself to feel my strength leaving me. I didn't miss these inevitable feedings at all. Naruto will become a lightning entity again. He won't weigh tons anymore, but he will be frustrating to touch again. That said, if I get used to his veil of static electricity once, I'll get used to it a second time. Wearily, I extend my hideous arm to Naruto.

"Come and feed, Naruto. I can't give you much chakra, but you don't care, right?"

His eyes focus on my forearm. However, he's not excited as he should be. He fasted for more than a week; he always shows exuberant joy when I offer him my chakra. Odd.

Before I can question him, he sits next to me, so close that our thighs and shoulders touch. This makes me a little uncomfortable. My unease escalates as he leans toward me, leans even more onto me—in response, I lean back the closer he gets. Quickly, he ends up resting his chin on my shoulder, too close to the crook of my neck, preventing me from moving back any further. He grabs my wrist gently and looks at my arm in a funny way, pouting. I feel like it's my scars he's staring at like that. Do they suddenly bother him? Has he realized the suffering that he anchors on my unrecognizable arms?

My heart races, I hold my breath and a drop of sweat beads up on my forehead. His deep blue irises focus on me, diving into my eye. I don't like at all his soft eyes, with which he looks at me with great intensity. It's as if time extends into eternity, in which there are only Naruto and me. He's too close, way too close, and I can't tell him to back off; my throat is tight, reluctant to speak. Noticing that his face is getting dangerously close to mine, I panic.

"Too close!" I cry, pushing his face roughly away with my hand.

I gasp in surprise realizing what I just did, the brutality I showed. It's only now that I notice how my cheekbones are overheating, implying that the redness has taken over me. Besides, Naruto seems completely offended by my sudden gesture, as if he's been blown off.

It's horribly awkward, and I can only laugh nervously in an unnatural way.

"Uh… Hmm… Cha… Chakra…?" I stammer, pointing at my arm that he's holding.

Another silence.

Don't tell me he really tried to…

No. It's just a misunderstanding, and I'm making stuff up.

To my great relief, the blond takes interest in my arm as if nothing had happened, grabbing it with both hands this time; at that, his tail wags enthusiastically, wagging more and more like an overexcited canine. I get an unpleasant shiver when he sniffs it deeply. His eyes light up like fireflies as he delicately feels my skin to choose the perfect spot to bite. However, he's about to do it without licking my skin. I slam my hand over the area before his monstrous fangs can touch me.

Letting out a confused hum, Naruto stares at me with question marks in his eyes.

"What are you doing, Naruto? Why don't you numb my skin with your tongue?"

My student pouts, stares at my hand, which acts as a protective barrier against his predatory teeth. He wants my chakra. He doesn't want to lick me. Why this sudden change?

"Your fangs hurt, Naruto. You know it. Why do you want me to suffer?"

For reasons that I don't know, he seems angry since he pierces me with his small, chilling eyes, to the point that I feel violated in the deepest of my soul. There must be a reason … a reason that I can't find at all; I don't have any logical idea in mind. Naruto is mute; he can't tell me the answer, and I can't guess either.

"Why don't you lick me? Do you want to hurt me now?"

A silence.

Naruto stares at me. His eyebrows are horribly furrowed, and he sulks exaggeratedly; this is such that his lower lip covers the upper one… Nevertheless, he places his eyes on my hand while making his throat vibrate; he asks me to remove it… I swallow and reluctantly do so. A cold sweat beads up on my temple. I fear being bitten raw, experiencing these terrible pains that I can't get used to.

He slides his weird tongue over my skin, which immediately freezes, making me jump. Then he sinks his fangs into my flesh. This phantom feeling is unpleasant, but I don't care. A fire spreads in my arm, a sharp pain shoots through me like an electric shock as my chakra is devoured. I've forgotten the feeling of having my strength stolen from me. It's tolerable, that's it.

Naruto takes a reasonable amount of chakra from me and places his hand against the holes caused by his bite. It doesn't take long for his sleep poison to exhaust me; my body, like my mind, becomes numb. My eyelids feel heavy. I can't wait to get under the sheets and sleep.

However, Naruto worries me. His grumpy demeanour persists. "What's wrong, Naruto?"

The sapphire-eyed boy turns a deaf ear; he doesn't even look back at me. He waits for the bleeding to stop before removing his hand… But he holds my arm firmly. If I try to get out of his grip, he tightens it until the tips of his nails prick me. He grabs the half-empty glass of water from the bedside table and pours its contents onto the bite.

I'm struck head-on by a terrible pain that tears a scream from me. Immediately, I try to free myself, but the teenager holds me firmly in place, preventing any possible escape on my part, even if I try to break my wrist. As I squirm in every direction and let out muffled cries of pain while whining, he pours his entire liquid fire onto my now spasming forearm. I'm plunged into an intolerable hell, and this hell persists when he stops. Again, I violently try to free my arm which seems charred and burning, but Naruto keeps me captive.

He puts the glass back in its place and wraps my arm in the sheets, with which he gently wipes it and dries it. The odious pain subsides in a few seconds. I manage to breathe again, although I'm panting. This… This nightmarish pain… I recognize it. It's not the first time. The last time was during my shower after my arm got badly wounded by his fangs. I widen my eyes.

"You… Is that why you've never licked me before...?"

Naruto nods this to me in his own way. He's guilty of harming me, given that he avoids visual contact with me. His bites… He knows they are painful, but the pain from the water is worse. He did it because I couldn't shower and bathe and therefore get wet. Now that I can do so, he has stopped licking my skin.

I finally understand the origin of this inexplicable inflammation. The … indecent bites on my neck were agony, and he licked me that time. That said, I remember this bite that I had to suture. He didn't lick me that time. If I think back to the time that Naruto bit himself… It doesn't make sense…

I have an epiphany.

"Is it your saliva mixed with your venom that causes that?"

Naruto responds with an affirmative gesture.

"I see."

His bites are dry despite the copious amount of saliva filling his mouth. I assume the injury of such magnitude allowed his drool to penetrate my flesh. The time he bit himself… Perhaps it was due to his lack of gentleness, forgetting to make his bite dry? Probably. At least it makes sense.

One thing is certain. I prefer to be bitten raw.