Chapter LXXXVIII
Sinister Discovery
TW: Eating Disorder
The following days go without incident. Feeding Naruto every night is slowing my healing, but I'm getting better and better, Naruto included. He manages to sleep, although it's far from being enough. I have to let him sleep in my bed, with me in it, while I read and focus on the food I must eat. He's annoying. Because of him, the staff and Sakura stare at me askance. I explain numerous times that his phobia of the hospital and his attachment disorder are to blame. Every time, I cross my fingers that they believe me.
They know he's … clingy with me. However, I fear that their thoughts and opinions are going in the wrong direction. I don't want rumours to spread that I have an inappropriate relationship with him. I will to become a real outcast in my own village… Maa, even more than before.
Since my meals go well, the quantities are increased little by little. This chore, which is essential to my survival, is no longer as painful. My stomach accepts food more easily. The enthusiasm isn't there at all, that said. Food still disgusts me. I wake up with a bit of an appetite. If I listen to that voice in my head, I'd be full with just one meal a day.
I gain some weight back. Soon, I will be free of my IVs. Maybe it's tomorrow, and I'm dying of impatience. Since my blood is taken daily, the venous catheter will stay in my arm for as long as I remain in this depressing room … which is gradually being demolished by my student's sharp claws.
There are scratches absolutely everywhere.
Naruto definitely needs to sharpen his claws. I wish it was a need for his hygiene as well. I want him to groom his hair and fur again. They are greasy, oily and excruciatingly unpleasant to the touch. Of course, he refuses to forget mine. He's really starting to get on my nerves. I always end up tied up and completely immobilized by his powerful limbs. He only releases me when he finishes grooming me with his filthy, viscous and cold drool. Every two or three days, he holds me hostage to cover my hair with saliva. He growls aggressively when I resist him… Unable to rival his brute strength and his infuriating stubbornness, I can only submit to him—something I don't like at all.
Fortunately, despite the lightning that accompanies his anger, he can no longer electrocute me.
I'm going through hell. My burning nails hurt constantly. I ask for ice packs many times to numb the pain, under the pretext that I have a headache. Suspicions are growing. My all too frequent requests end with refusals. Their half-closed eyes imply that they suspect something… As a result, I tolerate the pain until it vanishes. The pain disappears with the regrowth of my nails, which I have to scrub every day. Otherwise, I'm cursed with horrible itching. Strangely, their length tripled in just a few days…
I don't plan on cutting my nails anytime soon; the pain I experienced was enough to dissuade me completely. I'm not used to having long nails, and it feels weird. I have to relearn how to use my hands, just like I have to relearn how to use chopsticks. At least, apart from Naruto, no one witnesses my clumsiness when I drop my food more than once. I have absolutely no idea what's going on with my fingers. It isn't normal, and to say I'm worried would be an understatement. The only person who has the answers is my student trapped in silence… Even if he could speak, I'd end up with more questions than anything else.
I stretch my body and maintain most of my atrophied muscles as best I can. Under the blond's curious eyes, I just do push-ups in my bed. I'm so neglected that I run out of breath in record time. Since I'm still recovering, I respect my limits. I also want to work my chakra, but that damn mark on my neck reacts and burns me if I mould it. I try to endure the pain … in vain. It gets worse as I do, forcing me to stop. I wonder if I must learn to live with the pain or if it will disappear… I sigh.
Fortunately, Naruto regains his gentle and docile temperament. He no longer gazes at them with murderous eyes and doesn't show any signs of aggression. But he hates it when I get touched. Every time he hisses loudly. This pisses him off; he only refrains from pouncing because of me. Thanks to him, no one visits me. The only visits I have are those from Shikamaru, and they are purely professional. He only comes to tell me about the progress of the case, which is leading nowhere. There are also Sakura, Lady Tsunade and Shizune … but they never stay long. They only come to examine me.
I miss real human contact. I'm not talkative, but I miss having a real conversation. Naruto is way too possessive with me. I feel like I belong to him and that he's protecting his "belonging." With this black mark that he inked on my skin against my will, I believe it. He marked me as one can mark one's possessions, whether they are living or not.
I hope I'm wrong. I'm afraid that this mark is a symbol of belonging that chains me to him like a slave to his master…
- XxX -
"What the hell are they doing?! It's coming, yes?!" I shout through gritted teeth. Once again, I sweep my gaze from right to left down the hallway. Once again, I don't see my food. I sigh, holding back painfully from hitting the wall. With elephant steps, I return to my bed, grumbling sounds of all kinds. I twirl my thumbs impatiently.
I'm about to lose my mind and destroy everything; I'm so frustrated I could throw Naruto out of the window. I woke up with a craving. I'm waiting for someone to feed me, and they take forever. I wolfed down the stolen apples to hold on. I devoured absolutely everything in a few seconds; the core, seeds and peel. It's the only thing that keeps me from falling into madness and destroying what's left of my room.
I shake my leg frantically like never before. Without realizing it, I'm rocking back and forth. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Naruto about to touch me.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yell, slapping his hand roughly with mine. I ignore Naruto again. He sits on the ground and curls up into a ball; he looks at me with worried eyes, and I don't care. I'm about to go to the canteen to feed myself and silence this craving that's twisting my insides in every direction. On many occasions, I scratch my thighs roughly with my nails. It's such that I pierce my skin despite the fabric of my pants. The pain is insufficient to think of anything else; my growing stress isn't diminishing either.
I abruptly raise my head when my nostrils perceive the intoxicating scent of my desires. Someone finally brings me a tray. I salivate and lick my lips. Eagerly, I sit down on the sheets before pulling out the surface, on which my sumptuous food will be placed. I stare at the door impatiently. My eyelids don't even blink anymore. I wait for hours while the nurse only takes a few seconds to enter my room. I extend my two arms, waving my palms, which I constantly close and open.
"Yes, yes! Approach! Come to daddy!" I exclaim to the food.
I smile from ear to ear. My heart is completely wild from my almost euphoric excitement. My gaze is fixed on the meal like a hungry hyena. I don't even notice the nurse staring at me; her voice passes in my ear and out the other. I giggle when my tray is in front of me; it's defenceless, at my mercy and mine alone.
I bring one hand to my mask, pinch it with my fingers… However, I freeze. I glare at the nurse, making my throat vibrate loudly. She quickly understands my request to get the hell out of my room, as she turns on her heel without saying a word.
As soon as I'm "alone," I start eating my meal intended for the gods. After eating nothing but crap for days, I'm jubilant. My taste buds explode from this taste overload. My joy is so great that I struggle to hold my chopsticks. If it wasn't for my craving, I'd slowly savour each bite, each piece of rice. Instead, I wolf everything down like a savage and barely chew. Sometimes I swallow whole; I almost choke more than once.
I gradually regain my calm. When my cravings subside, it doesn't take long for the nauseous gurgling in my stomach to make me sick. I ignore these warnings. I'm obsessed with the idea of devouring everything; a desire to lick the dishes crosses my mind…
My euphoria is cut short when I accidentally bite my tongue. I let out a muffled cry in response to the terrible sharp pain that hits me head-on, shooting through my muscles like a dagger. I immediately clamp my hand over my mouth and arch forward, wincing in pain. I taste my blood that is accumulating in my mouth at an alarming rate.
"Shit. I really didn't miss," I mutter to myself, frowning.
Distraught, Naruto comes to inquire about my condition… Maa, in his own way. He's smelling the red liquid sliding down my esophagus.
"I'm… I'm okay. Stay there," I stammer, stopping myself from coughing blood.
Keeping my palm pinned to my face, I go to the bathroom. Luckily, I no longer have to carry around any IVs. I close the door behind me and flush the buildup of blood into the sink by coughing and spitting. Peeking inside my wide open maw, it looks like horrifying carnage. There's blood everywhere. My teeth, which I barely see, are generously smeared with it. Streams of blood run down my lip. I can't examine my mouth and the extent of the damage because of the incessant bleeding like a fountain. I grab a cloth and stuff it in my mouth. I squeeze the wound—where it burns me raw. All I know is that the left side is injured.
I'm in too much pain, and the bleeding is too serious for it to be normal. Did I cut off a piece of my tongue? I don't think so. I swallowed my bite just before biting myself in agony. If I had cut myself a piece, I would have felt it; I would have either spit it out or swallowed it. It's the first time that I've been in so much pain and biting myself to blood. With this craving that strips me of all my means, I perceived the pain too late to stop my teeth momentum in time.
Meanwhile, I turn on the tap water to clean the blood. I wait for several minutes, more than enough to be sure. If it doesn't stop, I'll need treatment… I focus on the blood flow by briefly lifting the cloth from my tongue. It's not as bad anymore, but tiny crimson rivers continue to flow. A cold sweat slides down my temple. I inevitably need care. The wound must be stitched. I fear to see the state of my poor tongue that is swelling. Revealing my face to be treated with medical ninjutsu doesn't delight me at all.
I remove the cloth to inspect my wound…
The cloth slips from my hands.
As I step back, I almost trip
My heart suddenly stops.
I'm shaking like a feverish leaf. With fear, I contemplate my reflection with my two heterochromic eyes. I end up hyperventilating.
No. No. No. No. No.
I saw it wrong. I hallucinated.
Excruciatingly slowly, I open my mouth again despite my jaw trembling more than ever.
I froze on the spot, horrified.
I have…. I have…
I have fangs.
Two small fangs grew, I don't know when and from where.
Their length isn't at all human, although they don't rival Naruto's.
I remain flabbergasted. I refuse to believe what I see. I'm completely delirious. I'm hallucinating. My food has been drugged, and I'm having a bad trip.
With difficulty, I touch these fangs with my fingertips.
They … are … real…
I panic. I no longer even perceive the pain in my bloody tongue that I use to touch these demonic teeth.
I start to sweat. The air no longer reaches my lungs, which are atrophying. My heart is pierced by a white-hot blade, crushed in an agonizing vice. I can only squeeze my chest so much that I dig my fingers into my flesh. Every unnecessary breath is wheezing of despair.
No. I refuse to let this happen. I refuse to become a chakra hungry demon.
If Lady Tsunade finds out that I have baby chakra devourer fangs … anyone… Everyone will be convinced that I'm turning into one of those demons.
They're going to lock me up; I'm going to be chained in a cage; I'm going to be condemned to the night; I'm going to be treated like a mere animal; I'm going to be treated like a monster; I'm going to be separated from Naruto; we're going to lock Naruto up; I'm going to be forgotten; I'm going to be left to languish in a cage; they're going to let me die; we're both going to die.
No. It's not true.
It doesn't mean anything. ANYTHING!
With derision, I laugh to myself. A crazy grin appears on my face, and I place a hand on my head. I squeeze my hair so hard that I tear it out. I raise my head. I contemplate my reflection that I don't recognize, just as I don't recognize my distorted and demented face. My skin is as cold as my icy veins and my frosty flesh.
"If no one finds out, no one will come after us," I chuckle, pulling my mask up over my nose. "After all, how can they know or guess it with my mask?" I let out many unnatural, crazy laughs. All my organs are on fire. I have difficulty standing; my legs are wobbly. My vision is blurring.
"As long as this mark doesn't progress on my body, I'm human. Yes… Human … just a human with damn predatory fangs… As long as … as long as no one … sees them… I… I…"
The mirror captures my eyes, my gaze. An imaginary lightning bolt strikes the room, and my reflection freezes me with fear. This me that isn't me has a black mark on his chest, hands with claws, pointed and sharp pupils, a macabre smile decorated with killer fangs, and a black tail covered in hair. Unable to see myself any longer, I let out a cry of terror as I punch the shattering glass. Cutting pieces fly in all directions. I don't feel the pain shooting through my injured hand.
I'm so dizzy that I feel like throwing up. My love organ is about to explode. I cling to the sink … but I fall. Nothing but darkness.
- XxX -
When I wake up, I almost choke. I cough to clear my throat clogged with blood. With my mask, I can't spit out the excess blood that accumulates in my mouth. When I can breathe, I open my eyelids. I'm dizzy. I realize I'm lying on my back. My vision is stabilizing; the more it becomes clearer, the more I can see Naruto above me, observing me with his sad and anguished eyes. He strokes my hair tenderly.
While I was unconscious, he placed my head on his lap. I wouldn't be here anymore if I hadn't woke up in time. The teenager didn't know that he had to put me on my side to prevent me from choking on my blood. Right now, my life isn't threatened, although my tongue continues to bleed.
Before I can lower my mask to spit, my right hand suddenly shoots me out. Glass is into my flesh and my knuckles. Only now do I see the floor that has been roughly swept and the broken mirror surrounding me; a few pieces are stained with my scarlet fluid. I widen my eyes, now as round as marbles. Although my mouth is filled with bloody clots, I examine my upper teeth with my injured tongue…
These fangs are definitely there.
These demon fangs are mine.
These fangs are sadly real and mine.
If anyone finds out about these fangs in my mouth, it's over. My mask is an ultimate protection; this habit of mine is saving my life. I can't trust anyone, absolutely no one except Naruto. Whether I like it or not, others are as much a threat to me as they are to him.
It's just me and Naruto now.
I lost my cool when I discovered the existence of these canines. I panicked to the point of passing out. I'm still greatly upset. I want to curl up into a ball and cry… But I don't have the luxury to pity myself. My priority is to ward off potential interrogations regarding this mirror that I broke like a happy idiot and my tongue that I must take care of. If I don't stop the bleeding, I will get anemia. They will examine me thoroughly and will soon discover these fangs, with which I mercilessly stabbed my tongue.
With disgust, I swallow all the blood in my mouth; I swallow again as an acidic mixture accompanies the red, sticky liquid rising up my throat. I restrain myself from vomiting, from responding to the irrepressible urge of my stomach determined to regurgitate the disgusting offering. To add to my ordeal, I have to constantly ingest my blood. Because of my meltdown, I have difficulty moving. Anyway. I painfully grab all the broken glass stained with hemoglobin to put them in my pocket. I make sure to wipe away the drops of blood that stain the floor.
"Na… Naruto… Help me get all the bloodstained pieces," I mumble. "Be careful not to cut yourself. And wipe up any blood you see."
The blond lends me a hand and offers careful caresses to my silver locks. Once done, I take care of my hand. Trembling and grimacing, I extract the pieces of my flesh and put them with the others in my pocket. Fortunately, the blood has crusted for a long time, and the damage is minor. I have to keep my hand out of sight until the wounds heal. My right arm can't be bitten, since my bites are treated almost every day. I fume.
'Idiot. What a real idiot,' I grumble to myself.
I need to find a credible explanation for the broken mirror. If they learn that a shinobi like me is losing his mind… I will be put in an observation room and undergo a psychological evaluation. I could also end up in a padded cell with a straitjacket on my back. With everything that's going on with this black mark on the back of my neck that's worrying everyone… If they think I'm going crazy, I'll never see the sun again.
'What a real idiot…'
I scan my surroundings with precision. Not the slightest trace of blood anymore. I doubt they'll inspect the place closely. Wriggling briefly, I don't feel any glass beneath me. Naruto swept the tiles before laying me down. I don't know how long I was passed out, and I don't care. I have to get back to my bed before the nurse returns. It's over if I'm discovered like this, with my hand bleeding, on the ground among the sharp debris and under the watchful eye of a worried Naruto.
I try to get up … in vain. I see a few black stars for a breath. My arms are too weak. This meltdown has exhausted me, and I still need to recover… I can't wait. Time is against me. "Come on … get up," I order my useless and trembling arms.
Naruto puts one arm behind my back and the other under my knees before picking me up, carrying me in his arms like a princess. Taken by surprise, I let out a faint cry. My face immediately reddens, all the way to the roots of my hair. I wrap both arms around Naruto's neck. My throat constricts so tightly that I can no longer speak. My heart beats like crazy; it's so fast that my chest hurts. An emotion that I don't know invades me, overwhelms me. His wheaten hair falling on the back of his neck tickles my hands. The heat his body gives off warms mine and chases away the coldness that was making me tremble.
I'm so embarrassed that I close my eyes as Naruto leads me to my bed. He places me gently on the sheets and I let go of his neck immediately. My heart doesn't want to calm down. The redness doesn't want to leave my face. I can't face him.
"T-Thank you…" I stammer in a trembling voice.