Sense or Sensibility

by YhtorodOZ

Lee and Amanda are well after Stemwinder, until an accident threatens to destroy everything. Old Scarecrow is back, more stubby than ever .

1

Sense or sensibility ? Lee and Amanda slowly advance in their nascent relationship, until an event as brutal as unexpected occurs. True to himself, our scarecrow will take refuge in the depths of himself. Will the tenacity of our tender-hearted spy be enough to bring him back to her? Part 1 I was talking about love As we talk about the weather Without really knowing him... I ran without lantern Towards a dawn that flees... I asked a thousand questions To my heart to my head I thought it was a dream I dreamed without believing I didn't expect you I didn't expect me In this role, In places where we love each other, it's never dark. « Je ne m'attendais pas à toi »-P. Bruel 7:30 sharp, it was a beautiful Monday morning. A soft spring light was already bathing her apartment. Lee was quietly finishing his shave, when his reflection suddenly made a dazzling smile. What a handsome man he was! He was very happy this morning. It was a day like any other. The sun had risen, it would go down, there would be football on television, but... he wouldn't eat guacamole and order pizza. Tonight, he was taking his partner to dinner at the new restaurant «The Emerald City ». His partner… Their beginnings had been complicated to say the least. Lee had become accustomed to working alone, and he loved it! He did not understand at the time, why Billy persisted in sticking this completely inexperienced mother in his feet. What could possibly have gotten into his boss? How could Billy have guessed so early that he would form such an incredible pair. Especially since, against all odds, Amanda had turned out to be anything but easy! Even though he was her superior, she only did what she wanted!

2

So he had surrendered his weapons. He now belonged, body and soul to this extraordinary woman. Everything would be fine! The guy in the mirror had an arched eyebrow and looked suspicious, but Lee didn't notice. Part II "Soul or sister, twin or brother…of nothing but who are you? You are my greatest mystery, my only contiguous bond. And if one of us falls, the tree of our lives will keep us away from the shadow between heaven and fruit. But never too far from each other, we would be cursed. You will be my last second, for I am alone to hear your silences and when I tremble. You, you are my other. The strength of my faith, my weakness and my law. My insolence and my right. Me, I am your other, if we were not from here, we would be infinite..." « Tu es mon autre »- Mauranne It was already 7:30, she hated Monday mornings. She looked at the thermometer with a bad eye. The spring was installed since a moment, but the temperatures seem not to deign to rise. Amanda finished brushing her teeth with rage, she was seriously late. Glancing at the mirror, she found herself an atrocious mine. She was cold, tired and, above all, terribly nervous. It was not a typical day. Today, she would not work, she would not prepare dinner and she wouldn't put her sons to his partner took him to the "Emerald City". His partner… How many chances were there for Scarecrow: 1m88, athletic, dark, legs not bad, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful eyes, spy for his country, great lover outstanding… is interested in Mrs King? She was no expert in statistics, but the probability had to be close to the number of fish living in the desert. She had heard of an oasis of salt water in the Taklamakan region where… Oh my God, children would never be on time for school! Looking up, she saw her own look and discovered in it a mixture of anxiety and panic. While preparing the children's picnic, she wondered about the unpleasant feeling she felt. A kind of strange feeling invaded him. This heavy intuition when everything seems too perfect, that it cannot last. On his way to school, despite Philip and Jamie's incessant babbling, his thoughts were always with Lee. The fact is that without Billy's intervention, she and Lee would have naturally gone

3

their own way. Nevertheless, from crossroads to crossroads, by means of crossings, finely organized by their boss, they made today road together. And what a wonderful trip! She was immediately fascinated by him but who wouldn't? Little by little, Lee had opened up to reveal the hidden face of Scarecrow. They had become true friends. Friends closer and closer, more tactile, more jealous. For a long time, the air charged electricity when they were alone. From the beginning, like a teenager, she secretly dreamed of kissing this man. But who wouldn't? However, it was enough to know the number of these address books to imagine that in the face of this illegal competition, she had little chance. And yet… She didn't have enough of her fingers and toes to count the number of times an "unexpected" had postponed their first real kiss. Unexpected events of all kinds, more or less formidable and often named: Billy, Dotty or Francine. Finally, 11 weeks ago, four days and seven hours ago, determined and unaware of Billy's knocking on the office door, he finally kissed her. It's terribly old-fashioned, but she knew then that she had been waiting forever for this moment. Right after, Lee was suspected of treason. Dr Smyth penalised him for having sold the Stemwinder file to a Russian spy: Aleksei Makarov. Incredible as it may seem, Lee had become the agency's target. A terrible manhunt had begun. Lee had to disappear to prove his own innocence. It was in this critical context that he declared his love to her. He needed a near-hopeless situation to face the evidence… or at least, to express it. So, he loved her for a long time but her tortured mind refused the evidence. Ah! Scarecrow and his brain! He had imagined running away alone to carry out this perilous mission. No kidding! That was not counting Amanda's tenacity! She finally had Lee Stetson! He had completely turned his life upside down and he thought he was going to come out the way he came in, like a tornado? There was no question of it! She had convinced him to let her accompany her. In any case, with or without her approval, she would have followed him. She was already struggling to stay in the car during routine missions so staying away from Lee while he was fighting for his life was not imaginable. With the help of Billy and Francine, they had managed to incrimined Sacarov and wash away Lee's honour. This adventure had welded them together forever. This was followed by increasingly regular dinners and an incredible weekend in the mountains. They had not skied at all but she would cherish the memory of this stay until the end of her time. She felt that she was drawing from Lee what she needed while offering him what he had missed. It is perfect exchange made them merge. She could not live without Lee Stetson, it was now her only certainty. The strength of this conviction suddenly frightened him.

4

Part III "The day someone loves you, it's a beautiful day. I can't say it better, it's a beautiful day! That's what amazes me again We forget so many nights of sadness But never a morning of tenderness!" I know-Jean Gabin Amanda had chosen a black satin bustier dress that stopped just above the knees and a short matching jacket. Her hair was raised in a loose bun. Rarely, she wore high-heeled pumps. She crossed the room to meet him, her beautiful laughing eyes clinging from her own. Lee realized that he had stopped breathing as soon as he saw her enter. -Hello, Miss West! You're fair … -No bad? She interrupted him smiling. -Breathtaking! he replied seriously. He put his big hands on his very thin waist and tenderly kissed him. This was the first time he had not lowered his head. He loved all his first times with Amanda. He loved the idea of all the things he was going to kiss with her. As the waiter approached, he loosened his embrace with regret. They sat down without letting go of their hands. At Amanda's insistence, they agreed to choose the "The Wizard" menu. It consisted of: Kansas tornado and its Munchkins farandole -Western witch's cauldron- Dorothy's dreams. -This is the first time I have no idea what I'm going to eat after ordering, said Lee, laughing. -Let's go Scarecrow! Let's see some courage! We've seen others, right? The title and so pretty! Lee was amused by Amanda's excitement, she looked at him like a little girl on Christmas Eve.

5

-You'll make another face if he bring you a beef-heart carpaccio and veal brains on a silver platter! -What? asked she, bursting with laughter. -Yes, in this kind of place, nothing is lost, everything is transformed! Every dish must be a work of art! Meaning must be found on the plate. Nothing can be trivial. -Meaning in the plate? Amanda wasn't used to going to establishments of this standing, she started to worry a little. -Yes, all symbols! The heart of the blacksmith, the brain of the scarecrow -And maybe a lion steak ? -No, much too simple ! The third essential ingredient to enjoy the dish would be, in my opinion, the courage needed to eat it! -Oh my God, Lee, take me out for a Chili dog. -Really! The chili dog not leave me a great memory! Let's try this one. They were dying of laughter when the boy came very ceremonially to drop off their cocktails accompanied by zakouskis. It was a huge margarita-style glass. Spirally arranged fruit peel floated in the middle of a clear liquid. The boy then placed a transparent pearl in each glass. The spiral then began to spin faster and faster. Amanda was hypnotized by the spectacle, impossible to detach her gaze from the multicolored tornado. After a moment she could not measure, the tornado disappeared, leaving a glittering liquid of gold. -Ma'am, sir, the emerald city wishes you a wonderful adventure! By the way, I think we're not in Washington anymore, chained the waiter with a wink. -Wow! she exclaimed again. Lee was happy to have sacrificed a good part of her salary, Amanda looked really impressed. He loved it! He relished his reactions throughout the meal. Nothing was left to chance. The Munchkins were actually tiny, colourful macaroons with varied tastes. The witch's cauldron was really one. It served as a container for the broth in which they had to dip various seafood to cook them. Dorothy's dream was the cutest dessert she could ever imagine. Under a glass globe, a red shoe-shaped cake. Right next to it, in the bottom of a small transparent jug, a chocolate witch would raise her head to look at them. The waiter then offered them a vial with a pearly white liquid. -To melt the witch, he said quietly.

6

So they melted the wicked witch of the west. Lee put the chocolate sauce under the raspberry shoe and burst out laughing. -It looks like Dorothy walked into… -Lee, you are absolutely impossible, Amanda laughed. -And you like that, Miss West, my impossibility? Says he's whispering. Then, he leaning across the table to kiss his nose. -I love that you are impossible, Mr. Stetson, she retorted, putting her hand on hers. But… -What? he asked, frowning. -Your tie is soaked in … Hmm … witch juice. Lee looked down and her dazed look made her cry with laughter. The waiter rushed to the rescue and took the silk accessory to the kitchens. He came back with coffee and various sweets including two small scarecrows in fruit pastes. Amanda decreed that they were far too cute to eat! She wrapped them gently in a towel and placed them carefully in her purse. Lee watched her tenderize, she bit her lower lip so much that she concentrated on not damaging the little characters. As soon as she finished, he took her hand, he needed to keep in touch. He kissed his palm and saw how lucky he was to be in such good company. Lord, how he loved this woman ! -Thank you, Lee, said Amanda gravely. -Thanks to you, this evening is fabulous. -Not just for tonight, Lee. Thank you for everything, she added, the voice full of emotion. For trusting me, for supporting my intrusion into your work, for becoming my partner, my best friend, for allowing our relationship to evolve, for… -Amanda… Lee had a lump in his throat, he wasn't good at that kind of conversation. Although he had undeniably progressed since they met at the station, he still had great difficulty expressing his feelings. -Amanda, you are ... I am so lucky to have met you. You are my partner, you know? -Yes, Lee, I know, she replied, with foggy eyes, aware of the effort he was making. -Not just at work, I mean… You're my life partner Amanda. A tear of happiness rolled over the young woman's cheek. Lee gently wiped it with the reverse of her index finger. -It's time to go home, I think," he added in a low voice, waving to the waiter to bring the bill. -It's already late, your mother will worry. -I told Mom I was spending the evening with a friend from university and that I might sleep at her place. -…

7

-Or maybe not, I mean - you see. We get up early for work, I understand if… He paid the bill, took it by the waist and dragged it out of the restaurant. Once on the sidewalk he kissed her with passion. -And how if I want to! Amanda took the luggage in her car, she would take it back tomorrow, before going to the agency. In the corvette, she put her hand on Lee's thigh. He interlaced his fingers with hers and she put her head on his shoulder. Lord, was it possible to be so happy? Between work, where no one was aware of their new relationship and Amanda's family, it was hard to find time for them. Except for this weekend, in the mountains, they had to settle for every moment stolen or a few dinners. Their time was always short. They knew they had to learn to adapt and that together they would find solutions. Despite how far they had come, they were at the very beginning of their story. He had to be patient, which was obviously not his strength. For Amanda he was going to be, he was capable of anything for her. They arrived at his home, Lee felt a little nervous. It was laughable, he had brought some girls home! And it never made her nervous! But Amanda wasn't one of those girls. She was unique and everything had to be perfect for her. -Would you like a drink? -A glass of water, please. He closed the fridge when he felt his arms wrap around his waist and his face caress the top of his back. As he was feeling well, he would have traded this moment for nothing in the world. -Are you back to your original size, miss? -One more second in these wretched pumps and all my toes would be dead! Lee turned around and gave him the glass of water with his best smile. -Let's see what we can do for these poor little ones. The next moment he lifted it into the air, knocking over them, the rest of his glass of water. -Lee, my dress! -I just needed an excuse to get rid of him. He took him to his room plunged in darkness. -All you had to do was ask, she replied in a mutinous voice. -Don't be so hasty, Ms. King. -In a hurry? Scarecrow, you have a lot of nerve! I had to wait years for you to realize only my

8

existence! -Lovely little fool! I knew very quickly that you were going to change my life. I just lacked courage and I had too much straw in my brain to recognize it. He placed it gently on the bed, against the big pillows. He then wrapped his shoulders in a long snug plaid while kissing and hugging her tenderly. It wasn't until he put her in the chair that she noticed she wasn't wearing a dress anymore. He was a witch! -To the eleven of us now, said Lee. Still under the shock of the mystery of the disappearance of her dress, Amanda did not immediately understand the meaning of her remarks. As she readjusted the plaid on her thighs, she watched as she took a small bottle and sat at her feet. Delicately he began to massage and kiss each of his toes. Oh, my God, was such a man really real? And if so, why was he interested in her? The apprehension oppressed his throat, the feeling of this morning was at a gallop, it could not really last. She looked at the expert fingers now working on her ankles. She could not help but think of the impressive number of women who had received the same favours. A breath of jealousy was added to the too many emotions that were already overwhelming her, a sob escaped from her throat. Lee was near her in the second, she guessed her eyebrows gathered in the darkness. -Hey, what's going on? He was gently rocking her against him, her voice was both sweet and restless. Unable to answer her, she buried her head a little deeper in her neck. A few minutes passed before she suddenly plunged her gaze deeply into hers. -I love you so much, Lee! So strong and for so long, but I have a hard time understanding how we really got to this point. How could you be content with me? Your life is worthy of an adventure novel and I am of an appalling banality. I am afraid to wake up one morning and that all this is just a memory. I can't help but think about it. -Amanda… It was the old me that was heartbreaking. The outings, the superficial girls, my lonely, unattached egocentric attitude. You are the only one who has managed to touch me to a point I never thought possible. You are my partner, the sum of everything I lack. You are the strength of my weaknesses. You have taken so much space, I will never be able to live without you again, Amanda. I stopped fighting, I ended up accepting even though … if I'm terrified that you change your mind or something happens to you. For a less complicated guy to give you a more stable, safe, secret-free life. I love you more than anything and forever, I know, deep in my soul. -It will never happen, Lee, no one will ever take your place, I know that too.

9

They stayed a long time huddled together, without moving, without saying anything, just enjoying the magic of that moment. This moment was more precious than all the gold in the world. Part IV "You'll be the saddest part of me A part of me that will never be mine It's obvious Tonight is gonna be the loneliest" The loneliest-Maneskin Lee went to the bathroom first, so he saved Amanda a few precious minutes of sleep. The night was short, full of discussions, emotions and love. He had great difficulty leaving the warmth of the arms of the woman he loved. The coffee had passed, he returned to the room and sat down on the bed. With his thumb, he gently stroked the forehead of his sleeping beauty. He watched her for a moment, moved, again measuring the chance offered to them. Wrapped in the white sheet, she was like an angel. An angel who didn't seem to want to come back to earth. -Amanda… A light kiss later, her beautiful angel uttered a grunt not at all sexy, seeming to come from the depths of hell. -Get up, Ms. King! Billy will not understand why we are both late, he says, punctuating each word with little kisses on his forehead, nose, cheeks, neck… -This is not the way you're going to get me out of bed, Mr. Stetson. She tried to grab him by the tie but he escaped laughing. Lee, very elegant as usual, in a wonderful Estée Lauder costume finished pouring a piece of omelette into a plate . It was adorable, he knew, that unlike him, she didn't start the day without breakfast. The smell of coffee was soon replaced by that of the burnt. -Damn, the toast! -That's okay, I like them very cooked. -They are burned…

10

-They are perfect… In addition to the charred toast, the omelette was crispy! Not to mention the butter, which must have expired at the same time as the old musty camembert she found in her fridge almost two years ago. It would still take one day , she explains to the man of her heart that the eggshells were not edible. One day, but not today! Today she had just tasted the most wonderful of the worst breakfasts of her life. If Lee managed to cook exotic dishes very well, he would have lessons to take for the meal which, by the way, was still the most important of the day! Elena had spent the night in the car, watching their every move. She had changed her plans when she realized that the damn Miss King would not go home, as she usually did. It does not matter, she would wait as long as it takes. Basically, delaying that moment would only make it better. They were late, Lee hated being late! He almost gave Amanda the beak to help her finish faster. He took it upon himself, on the one hand because he knew that this meal was important to her and on the other hand because he did not want to disturb her. For once he was lucky enough to have her home in the morning, he wasn't going to spoil that moment. He started out thinking about the detour he should take to get Amanda back to her car. That was gonna make him late. He had an appointment with Billy and would not be on time, it was recorded, this time, he was ruminating. His whole program would be disrupted! As he turned his head, he saw Amanda smothered a bayement. A new burst of tenderness invaded him. How he admired this woman! Her role as a single mom, her work at the agency and now him, who had nothing of the ordinary and restful boyfriend. It was a lot, even if you didn't have to rely on its fragile appearance, yes, it was a lot. Had he not been selfish to involve her in this secret relationship? Anyway, it was too late, it was impossible to go back. He put his hand on Amanda's lap and sighed, everything would be fine… In the rearview mirror, he saw only his skeptical reflection. She followed them to the emerald city. She watched the corvette park and Lee Stetson briefly kiss her dulcinea. She had a bad laugh, if only he suspected what was waiting for her. This man had ruined her life and he was going to pay! Without him, she would be Madame Makarov today! Instead, Aleksei was sitting alone in a cell at the Petersburg federal correctional complex. A cell from which he would probably never leave. She had nothing to lose, Stetson had taken her love, her future, her life. He was about to find out how she felt. Lee watched Amanda get out of the car, and she waved her hand as she closed the door. He started in haste, taking a last look in the rearview mirror. Amanda was crossing the road diagonally, her station was parked about ten meters away. He pila net seeing an armed woman out of a white sedan and running towards Amanda.

11

He jumped out of the corvette screaming. The woman was now pointing the barrel of her gun at Amanda. -Don't move, or I'll send you straight to hell, cried Lee, taking out his weapon. -I'm already in hell, Stetson! I'm not risking anything. How did this woman he had never seen know her name ? -By the way, you don't have Aleksei's greetings, Scarecrow! My name is not Eléna Makarov and you are the only one responsible." Stemwinder… Lee was chilled. -You want me, Elena ! Why are you going after my partner? She has nothing to do with this story. -On the contrary, she is my best revenge. You will soon feel what I am going through Stetson and I will be able to leave in peace. A mad and evil laugh escaped from the young woman's throat. Amanda glanced at her helplessly, and she had nowhere to hide. She remained paralyzed on the sidewalk. -What do you want?" asked Lee, almost imploring. Elena savored the terror she read in the eyes of her sworn enemy. Lee felt the sweat running down his spine. -I want you to feel what I have felt since you deprived me of the man I loved. I want you to realize how much sweeter death is than a life without a soul mate. I want you to suffer every second of what's left for you. I want her dead before your eyes! I want you to ease my pain. She had drained this diatribe of a draft, with a voice from the depths of her soul. A chilling, terrifying voice he could never forget. Lee looked intensely at Amanda, he saw no fear in her eyes, just immense sadness. He was standing in the middle of the road, too far away, he didn't have the advantage. This woman who was threatening Amanda was more than determined, she wanted to end it. He was simply powerless. -Keep an eye on my boys Lee, never forget that I loved you more than anything. I was very happy, I regret nothing. Tears were now pouring into her face, and she was in so much pain for him and for her. Her life was going to end on this almost deserted sidewalk. Lee would once again become this terrible scarecrow with straw in the place of the heart. He would never let himself be taken in again, she knew him.

12

Elena rejoiced, she reveled, those tearing goodbyes were simply enjoyable. She was going to leave this land with the confidence that she ruined Lee Stetson's life. As in the B series where the hero sees his life unfold in a few seconds, he was dazzled by powerful flashes. The meeting at the station, blue curtains, a panda, the ambulance that took Victoria Greenwich, the exchange, their first kiss under cover, the window of her kitchen, Christmas, Europe, a transparent nightgown, a beautiful white dress, meals at Ned's, their ridiculous arguments, his declaration of love, the weekend skiing, his stubbornness, his endless tirades, his arms, his caresses, his kisses, two little scarecrows… -You will live in hell down here, Scarecrow, much longer than I do! You have responsibilities now, she said. He couldn't survive that, the worst of his nightmares was coming true. The reason he struggled so much with his feelings was in his face. He didn't want a partner because he didn't want to lose them anymore. He didn't want to love because he didn't want to suffer anymore. He couldn't handle his emotions, not without her, he never knew. Amanda wouldn't let Lee out of her sight, she could see the despair in her eyes. She felt guilty for her suffering. She had done everything to make them take the risk to really love and she was going to leave him alone. The horrible fate proved her wrong. And if Lee, all this time, had been right. Without her, he would have remained the lonely and unattached Scarecrow he was 3 years ago. Because of her, her future looked bleak. -It was worth it, Lee, never forget it was worth it, she cried. You'll get there, I'll always be in your heart, in your life, I promise. Our wonderful memories will remind me of you. I beg you, be happy for both of us! Promise me to be stronger than ever. Then a giant tornado took him away from home. A barely audible no was the only thing he could pronounce. Elena very slowly pointed the cannon at Amanda's head. Lee howled and ran across the street, he saw his finger pull the trigger. He did not hear the sound of the detonation, thundering tires roaring at the same time. A white van sent him waltzing in the air. His last image when he touched the ground was Amanda's body lying on the aisle. -Nooooooon, cried Elena, that's not how it was supposed to be! Amanda clapped her feet violently in her legs, which added to the surprise eventually unbalanced her. Elena fell on the road, just in front of the vehicle that had just hit Lee head- on. His gun rolled to the ground and landed almost in Amanda's hand. She fired towards Eléna's legs but, like the first time, nothing came out of the cannon! -Don't move Elena, wheeze Amanda. You may not have the same luck as me. A bad smile on her face, Elena got up and dove towards Amanda. Her strength increased tenfold by

13

emotion, this one violently swept the face of the horrible woman with the weapon that she always held firmly in her hands. Elena's body slightly turned slowly on itself before fall limply on the tarmac. -I'm a federal agent, she says to the driver of the van who had joined her, accompanied by another man. Call this number and say Scarecrow's hurt. It's my partner you hit. -I'll do it, replied the driver's colleague. I couldn't do anything, he threw himself under my wheels. At Amanda's request, the driver had picked up Lee's gun and held Elena at gunpoint. She ran towards Him, he was lying on the ground in a fetal position, an impressive pool of blood flowed from her ear. He breathed faintly, but he breathed! His lips began to take a bluish tone and his body was shaken with tremor. She took off her sweater and covered it as she could. Then she lay down in a spoon against him, holding him very tightly in her arms. -Hold on, Lee, I beg you, she murmured. Don't leave me, not now. All will be well, all will be well, all will be well. She could not stop repeating her words, as one recites a prayer. Neither fully conscious nor completely unconscious, she saw the police arrive and Taking Elena. She seemed hysterical and kept saying that she wanted to die. Billy and Francine arrived at the same time as the ambulance. The spectacle of Amanda King, lying on the icy ground, almost naked torso holding in his arms Lee Stetson covered in a bloody pink sweater is an image they would not soon forget. They had to use force to remove Amanda from her partner's body. Billy helped her stand while covering her with his own jacket. He looked at her with an empty look at the doctor and nurses who were looking after Lee. He had not regained consciousness, she fainted just as he was placed on the gurney. Part VI

14

Run away from happiness lest it escape Tell yourself that there is over the rainbow Still higher the sun above, radiant Believe in heaven believe in god Even if everything seems odious to us That our heart is put to blood and fire Run away from happiness lest it escape Tell me you still love me if you dare… "Fuir le bonheur de peur qu'il ne se sauve"- Jane Birkin Amanda opened her eyes to Billy's worried look -Where am I ? -At the hospital you fainted, then the doctor gave you a sedative so you could sleep. Your family has been told we need you at work. -Where is Lee? Is he…? -He has a large concussion, two broken ribs and a few stitches on his head. He has seen more. He'll be fine, and he's already starting to bitch about everybody. A feeling of intense relief invaded Amanda, she had never felt such fullness. -He needs his comb, the one with two teeth missing, she said in a sob. -You really are the strangest of my agents! That must be why I care so much about you. You two scared the hell out of me! Did I sleep long? -48 hours… -What? -The shock and the calming… Elena, Aleksei Makarov's fiancée, went to join him in prison. Apparently, she wanted revenge on you and Lee. They're holding you responsible for her arrest. We didn't get all the details, she was half crazy when we took her. Her remarks were rather incoherent, she won't bother you for a very long time. -I want to see Lee!" -I'll take you. Billy opened the door to her room. Lee was already talking to Francine, more precisely, he was barking at Francine. He was very pale, a huge bandage was hiding his hair, but he was alive. She ran into his arms crying. -Amanda, I'm fine, he said in a slightly annoyed tone. You don't have to make a case of it. She looks at him stunned, through his tears. -What?

15

He rubbed her back and pushed her slightly away. -We'll let you go, said Billy, dragging Francine with him. I don't want to see you back in the office until next week, he added to Amanda's attention. -And me,asked Lee? -For once you will listen to the doctors, replied Billy. Lee grumbled more, arguing that he hated hospitals and that no one would stop him from going back to work. Once their coworkers were out, the tears flowed more beautiful. Amanda went to nestle in his arms and buried her head in his neck. -I was so scared… She raised her head and stroked her face with one hand. -I'm fine, Amanda, he repeated in a strange tone. Sighing deeply, she finally put her lips on hers. At the same time, the doctor entered the room and Lee had a sudden backward reaction. -Mr. Stetson, do the events of yesterday seem clearer to you? -not really, no. -You don't remember what happened? -Not at all -Don't worry, it's probably related to the concussion. I'll come back later. -Goodbye, Ms. King. Once Dr. Grant was out, she took Lee's hand and caressed it. -Lee, it was Aleksei Makarov's fiancée! -Who is Alexei Makarov?" -… Aleksei… from the StemWinder file. -I have no recollection of this case. Amanda's blood was freezing. How could he not remember that? She remembered the conversation with the doctor, you didn't have to rush him, he had been hit on the head! soon everything would be back to normal. She had to go home, her mother and the boys must have been very worried. -I'll go and let you rest, I'll come back in the morning. -You don't have to, I'm fine. -What?

16

Deciding not to insist, she gently stroked her forehead. -Amanda, it's time to go home, the boys and their grandma will be worried. She didn't understand Lee's behavior, could her concussion explain such cold behavior? Certainly, that plus his aversion to hospitals, everything would be better tomorrow. The next morning she phoned the hospital before driving her sons to school. Grant warned him that Lee would take several tests in the morning and late afternoon. He asked him to postpone his visit until the next day. Lee had to rest and avoid unnecessary stress. Amanda asked if she could at least talk to him on the phone, Grant refused. He promised to see her first thing tomorrow to talk about Lee's test results. He had to adjust his diagnosis. If his patient's life was not in danger, he was still concerned and asked him to be patient. She looked, in disbelief, at the cheese crusts on the work surface. She had just thrown the boys' sandwiches in the garbage… It didn't stop there! She took the route of the agency instead of the school, dropped the 2- liter can of oil on the freshly cleaned floor and had to admit that Jamie's favorite t. shirt would be pink marbled for the rest of his life. Finally, she lost her car keys, three times! She had been dragging herself all day, making mistakes. She arrived at the hospital perfectly late for her appointment with Grant. It was a shame because of her anxiety. -Madam King, we were waiting for you, said the doctor. Billy was there, that worried him even more. Grant cleared his throat. He said: Mr. Stetson, even if he refuses to admit it, suffered a great deal of trauma. He owes much to his build and training. Most humans would have died instantly. He managed to cushion his fall, as much as possible but his brain nevertheless suffered. Amanda moaned and collapsed in her seat. -He is physically well… -But? interrupted Billy. -He has amnesia. -But he recognized us perfectly, replied Amanda after a few seconds of heavy silence. Yesterday, you said it was normal for him to be confused because of the concussion. -Yes, I thought there are different kinds of amnesia. The one due to brain injury is an organic amnesia that affects recent memories. In most cases, when the lesion resolves, memories come back. In Lee's case, it appears to be called post-traumatic dissociative amnesia. That is, partial amnesia, which is usually related to an important event, a psycho-traumatic shock. In our jargon, we talk about backup dissociation. It's a bit like the brain going crazy to survive. He deliberately disconnects emotions and memory because he can no longer regulate them. The experience registers poorly with it some memories.

17

-Stemwinder nearly cost him everything he has, interrupted Billy, thoughtful. However, Scarecrow is solid, he has seen others. I'm sure everything will be back to normal. -His memories are somewhere deep buried, like frozen, it's a defense. Bits of memories may or may not come back to him. Above all, we must not force anything, on pain of seeing them disappear forever. Amnesia can last several months or even years, even longer… The subject may forget whole or partial periods of his life. -That's terrible, cried Amanda. Can we help her recover her memory? -Yes and no. The brain is a complex organ. Bits can come back to him, sometimes all it takes is a sensory trigger: a perfume, a place, a music, a word… Flashbacks are often painful because they are difficult to interpret by the barrier brain. Nightmares are often present they take advantage of the low guard of the brain. If the memories are too painful, the brain will disconnect over and over again… -There's nothing we can do to help him? asked Billy. -Often, nothing is better than too much. Leave time to time and I repeat do not rush the patient. If the brain is close, it will release what it holds. Psychotherapy is always recommended, hypnosis can be useful but in a second time. The best remedy is to talk about the trauma, to manage to externalize his feeling. This desire to confide must come from the patient, there is all the paradox and complexity of this disorder. The patient must fight with his brain and his feelings. Amanda and Billy took a hard look. Scarecrow didn't get it. -Do we really know ... until he forgot? said Amanda. -No, the day of the accident and the day before are now erased. We also know that he has forgotten some labour matters, as Mr. Melrose explained to me. As for the rest, he will gradually discover it. He alone is master of his memories. By the way, I let him out at the end of the week. That's where I'm going to run out of staff, this guy is unbearable. Try to keep him clean. They went together to Lee's room. He was asleep, his eyebrows were furrowed and his face tensed. -I'll go Amanda, you tell her I stopped by, whispers Billy. She approached the chair near the bed and gently stroked his forehead. After a few minutes, he seemed to finally relax. -Amanda? -Mmmm…. -Amanda? -She growled furiously She hated being awake! She opened her eyes painfully, night had fallen. -Oh, you are awake! -More than you in any case. She rubbed her cheek a little bit and tried to get out of the fog. I mean, Lee was smiling at her!

18

-You fell asleep on my arm, it's all numb! I can almost read the time on your cheek, he said this time, laughing frankly. Indeed, she felt under her fingers the contours of her watch embedded in her skin. -Good thing it's waterproof, he went on, you drooled on it! Amanda stared at him, stunned -It's late, you should go home where your mother will put out a BOLO. Rest and stop worrying about me. I'll be out of here very soon, so I'll see you at the agency. She had stopped breathing and was unable to make any movement. -A MAN DA! Disappear! Go home and don't come back to this place that drives me crazy. I'm not good company and I don't need anything. -I've brought you your black comb. -My comb? -Yes, your favorite, the one missing two teeth. -How do you know that ... and how did you get home to me? he asked in a daze. -You gave me the keys, to feed Melvin your fish. -I don't remember -You don't remember Melvin? -Of course! I remember Melvin! I don't remember giving you my keys! I don't give my keys to anyone. -I am not anyone, she sobbed as she rushed out of the room. -She's not well, said Lee, bewildered. Part VII Everything, everything is finished between us Everything, I have no strength at all To believe and to hope Everything is over between us Everything, but I keep the hope crazy That one day we will repeat..."we" "Tout"-Lara F"abian A week had passed since their last conversation.

19

Every morning, she hoped that Lee would call her, that he would come knocking on the kitchen window or her bedroom. She was waiting for him to tell her that her memories had returned. Every night she fell asleep, exhausted by sobs. He had not even given her a phone call. He remembered his fish but not the strength of their love. They had to talk, the doctor said he had to confront his emotions but not force him. It was like asking someone to make an omelet without breaking eggs! Amanda didn't know where she was. Just how did Lee feel? What had he forgotten? What did she mean to him? We could forget events but still could not forget to love someone? if? She walked into Billy's office with the file she had just finished typing. Her breathing stopped when she saw Lee standing by the couch. -Hello Amanda, said Billy. Lee smiled briefly and nodded his head. This was a stab in the heart. She took it upon herself not to let anything appear. -Hello sir, hello Lee! Are you back? -It seems so! He replied, looking haughty. This man was going to have her skin, struggling against herself, she composed an impassive mask. What an idiot she was, she could have found something smarter to say. -The news is good Amanda," said Billy. "Dr. Grant's team has completed the tests. Turns out Lee's amnesia is less important than it looks. He doesn't seem to have forgotten the existence of anyone but Aleksei Makarof. His amnesia would therefore only concern a few rather recent cases. I'm counting on you to try to check in with him, going over the last three years. You're his partner, and only you can measure what he says. -Billy, Lee complained. What's the point? As you say, these are old stories. -It's your job, Lee, it's the safety of your country! We need to know exactly what you forgot. Imagine if a guy like Makarov, who you can't remember about Eve or Adam, took advantage of the situation. You wouldn't suspect. Makarov is in prison for a very long time. -There were dozens of Makarovs, Scarecrow! So, either you take stock and get up to speed with Amanda's help or I'll have to take you off the field. -Wouldn't you do that, Billy? -Yes, for the safety of all and for yours, Lee. How can you be suspicious of people you don't know or more? Lee sighed, he had to admit his boss was right. They went out and went towards the car. Lee went around and opened the door for him. At least he hadn't lost his manners, she thought.

20

He looked so worried, she mechanically advanced her hand and placed it on his arm. He startled, this natural gesture only a few days ago, seemed to make him terribly uncomfortable. Silence was total and heavy, Amanda sadly withdrew her hand. Lee had a strange feeling when Amanda's hand had landed on him. Rapid and jerky images invaded him. Hands on his arm, forehead, neck, jacket… A soft and tender hand intertwined with his. A sense of well-being accompanied these images. They had flown very quickly but there was no doubt that they were real. So he had a girlfriend? Of course, he had a lot of girlfriends, his notebooks were full of them. But the female hands of her scraps of memories still seemed the same. -Amanda, did I have a serious, formal relationship with anyone? I mean serious enough that everybody knows?" This formulation made her smile in spite of herself. -I'm not supposed to answer your questions, you have to find your own memories. -I suppose if that were the case, someone would have come forward, he added, expressing his thoughts aloud. They arrived at Lee's and began to review each of their missions. Amanda completed a concise report for Billy. -One day, Russian spies were convinced that I was Scarecrow, they kidnapped me and wanted to eliminate me. -Is this a joke? -Not at all, it was the day I came to feed the fish! so they wanted to trade me for one of their own. Obviously, no one at the agency agreed. -You surprise me!" -You broke orders and made the exchange. Fortunately the little bell allowed us to find the place and settle the whole story -The little bell… Lee was upset, he didn't understand what she was saying. Several hours later, he couldn't remember any better: Victoria Greenwich, the boat where Amanda had almost gone overboard, their fake marriages, the day they wanted to sell it, a Christmas eve singing songs with Russian spies… or all the other incredible stories where they almost died a thousand and two times! -Amanda, enough! I don't remember any of this! I remember the station, the package and the man in the red hat, that's all!" Then I have a hole of almost three years! I know that you work at the agency but it's scrambled, they are only images without links. I remember Billy insisting on you helping me and I remember hating it! -All right, let's leave it at that," she said sadly, rising. -Amanda…, I'm sorry. He could read so much pain on his face, his throat tightened and a burst of sadness suddenly filled him. Lee had no idea what was happening to him.

21

-And so I, she sighed. -We have apparently had incredible adventures together. We have often taken risks for each other. Listening to you and seeing your reaction, we seem to have finally gotten along. We've even become real friends, I suppose? -I thought so," she added, sadly. Looking at the clock, they saw that the night was well advanced, they had eaten nothing since lunch. Amanda's face was accustomed to tiredness, large bluish rings dug her face already emaciated by these last days. She choked a bayement and staggered as she got up. Lee jumped and caught her before she hit the ground. Amanda surrendered to this stolen embrace, she let herself go, weighing all her weight in those arms that were missing her time. He carried her and gently placed her on the couch. Amanda had put her arms around her neck, her head resting against her shoulder and she could not decide to let go. Lee was leaning over her, one arm around her waist and one hand on her hip. He was filled with a strange feeling, despite his uncomfortable position, he could not move. He recognized this smell, these hands in his neck, this slim waist… Amanda raised her head and their eyes met. She noticed his confusion and a crazy hope invaded her, she moved her fingers slightly on her neck. He had already held her in his arms, he was certain of it. Struggling with himself, he looked into Amanda's eyes for the answers to her questions. He then saw himself again, helplessly contemplating the same hopelessly resigned eyes. He panicked and drove away this unbearable image, he could not bear it, he did not want to. A black curtain seemed to fall on his memory, his brain regained control, he sighed, relieved. He got out of Amanda's arms, she felt her heart breaking again. How many cracks could a heart bear before it stopped beating? -It is far too late for you to come home. I will let you have my room, and I will sleep on the couch. -I don't mind staying but only on the couch, I don't want to sleep in your bed. She never trought she'd have to say those words one day. -I'll get you a plaid and a pillow. It was THE plaid, the memories of their last evening as a couple overwhelmed her like a tidal wave of sadness. If only she could forget Lee Stetson for good too. It was so unfair! She wrapped herself in the fabric that seemed to her, had kept a little of their smell. Exhausted, she ends up, like every evening, falling asleep with her face bathed in tears. A powerful cry lifted her upright. She glanced at the front door, which was always well closed. She tiptoed towards the room from which the screaming came. Lee, lying on his side, was shaking his head in all directions, mumbling senseless words. He shouted again, she approached the bed and put her hand on his sweat-soaked forehead. The doctor had talked about the possibility of nightmares when the brain was on standby. Oh! Scarecrow, when will you finally be at peace with your brain, she whispered. -Amanda, he moaned…

22

What a heartbreaking sound. Her heart broke again, had it to be strong! Then she listened to her instinct and curled up in a spoon against the one who was struggling with himself to forget him. She stroked his hair and tried to soothe him. -All is well, Lee, I am here, I will always be here, I promise you. I am well, luck was with us that morning. I don't know if death didn't want me or if our guardian angels went overboard, but this incredible opportunity must not be wasted. You have to come back to me, Lee, it can't end like this. I love you, I love you so much… for so long. Lee had finally calmed down, thanks to the night light that he always kept on, she could see in the darkness, her face gradually decrypted. She then decided to tell him their story over and over again. She didn't want to fall asleep, she wanted to enjoy that moment when she was finally in her place, in her arms. -Once upon a time, a very sad little orphan boy had grown into a terrible scarecrow. He was very afraid to love, since death had taken away his loved ones. He had become a compulsive collector of small blondes with generous shapes, each more superficial than the other. They just had to be pretty and not very smart to end up in his bed and then in one of his little notebooks. Our scarecrow was a loner, a badass, he didn't need anyone. He loved everything: the calm, his independence, his work and his sports car, as «bling bling» as his girlfriends! He hated Christmas and everything about emotions. One day, in a station, providence placed on its path the most incredible and magnificent of young women. She was neither blonde nor small… Oh, sure, she was smaller than him, but that's because he was really, really tall. Her forms were not very generous but his heart was! Her name was A -MAN- DA! She loved Christmas, people, untimely chatter and ho ho… She never stayed in the car when asked! She was a real mule's head! She would have sworn to see Lee smile in her sleep. Then she squeezed a little more against him and continued again and again to tell him with humour their most precious moments. A ray of light tickled her eyelids, she opened her eyes. She did not know when sleep had overpowered her but she did not have to sleep more than an hour or two. After a last look, she drew the strength to tear herself from the warm and soft body of her one love. She tiptoed back to the couch. He woke up rested, it had not happened to him since the day of the accident. He listened and heard no noise. Taking a look at his watch, he thought that Amanda must have been gone a long time, it was already nearly ten o'clock! After a quick shower, he entered the living room with the intention of calling Billy. He stopped dead, Amanda was still there and well asleep in her couch. She only wore her blouse that didn't cover much with her legs, and what an incredible pair of legs! Her head was buried under the plaid she held in her arms. -Um… Amanda? -…

23

-Amanda, it's late and… He only got an answer from a frightening growl seeming to come out of the grave! Saperlipopette ! How could such a small thing make such a sound? After several other supplications, it finally reacts. A tuft of hairy hair and a pair of large hazel eyes full of sleep and reproach emerged from the plaid. -Ho ho! Was there wind that night? That was the only ridiculous phrase that came to mind." He then lost himself in the contemplation of the adorable face he had before his eyes. Not a trace of makeup, a delicate face, as drawn with a brush… How long did he think Amanda King was adorable? -Scarecrow, she replied in a hoarse voice he didn't know. 'What are you doing half-naked in my room? The children may come in and ... -Amanda, you're on my couch, we worked late, remember?" She stared for a moment at the haggard look. Her partner had a rather difficult awakening but strangely it did not bother her at all. He did not find it unpleasant to find her at home, just out of the shower. We will have to prepare. I told Billy we worked part of the night,he's expecting us for the end of the morning. The bathroom is free, make yourself at home. The water did him good and helped him to put his ideas back in place. For a brief moment, when she saw Lee next to her when she woke up, she thought that everything had returned to normal. The living room was empty when she heard knocking on the door. She decided to go and open it, assuming Lee finished preparing in the bedroom. A mix of Betty Boop and Marilyne Monroe popped up in the living room like a clown from her box. She hated clowns! However, by the way Betty Monroe threw herself at Him, she loved scarecrows. She watched the blonde drip on her partner like ice cream in full sun, which made her nauseous. At the same time, she could not help but be ashamed of her own appearance. Her clothes from the day before were all ragged, she wore no makeup and the toothless comb in the bathroom could not have done anything for her hair. Of course, Lee and his pin-up looked straight out of a fashion magazine. -She's your maid, dear Lee? -No, Félice, this is my colleague, Amanda King. Amanda drove away from her mind the criminal thoughts that assailed her at the moment when the fake blonde closed her big mouth too made up. She then quickly walked towards the door. -We'll meet at the office, Lee. I think, for the good of all, I'd better leave you. -Amanda, A- MAN-DA! he insisted, chasing her down the hall.

24

-I'm gone, I can't hear you… -You don't have a car! We came with mine, remember? Resigned, she turned around and followed him reluctantly. -You get your stuff and meet your drag queen later, okay? His eyes flashed, his voice was icy and sharp, Lee could not remember seeing him so upset. It must be admitted that memories were not his strong suit at the moment. A new flash interrupted his thoughts: Leslie, her apartment, a dress for the evening… and Amanda, terribly angry at him. He didn't like her being mad at him, not at all. Back in the living room, Lee told Félice they had to leave. Sketching an absolutely artificial pout, she threw herself into his arms and began to rub herself against him, moaning in protest. -Oh, Lee, darling, it's going to take me so long to wait tonight!" Amanda, imagine Lee taking me to dinner in the Emerald City. I hear it's a fantastic restaurant, you know? Amanda had frozen with the impression of falling apart, this scene was really worthy of a nightmare. -Yes, she replied in a low, trembling voice, raising her eyes to Lee. "Then she turned to hide her tears." She still found the strength to say a few words before opening the door. -Goodbye Félicia, enjoy this unique evening! She wanted to add to this stupid female that she was just another toy for this blasé collector but she was better than that. -Félice not Félicia corrected the blonde by laughing stupidly. -It's the same, replied Amanda on her way out. In the corvette, the silence was heavy, he glanced from the corner of his eye at his partner. Straight as an i and stretched to the extreme, she stared in front of her -Damn it, Amanda! What did I do wrong? He was seriously losing his temper. -Aside from the fact that you completely erased me from your memory and therefore from your life, nothing! If we don't take into account your taste in girlfriends, which are even worse than before, nothing! If we forget that Filiz took me for your maid... -Félice not Filiz and my intimate relations are my business as far as I know! he cried.

25

Looking in the rearview mirror, he noticed that his reflection looked down on him with had to stop, he lost his head completely. He then turned his head to Amanda… oh please, no, not tears! -I don't know what we've become, Amanda, but it doesn't suit me at all. -Not to me either, you know. Silence resumed its rights, increasingly oppressive, in the car's restricted cabin. When Lee arrived at the agency, he went to Bureau Q while Amanda went to Billy's office. The latter was greatly saddened by the mine of his agent. -Hello, Amanda! Scarecrow, I imagine you're seeing all kinds of things? -I don't think you can imagine, sir. -At this point? -To the point that I no longer wish to work with him, sir. My decision has been made , we have become completely incompatible. -You always seemed incompatible… -Everything is against us." -This is not new… -We have found our balance by evolving together, we now live in different temporalities. I can't get along with yesterday's Lee today, it's impossible. -It was already impossible three years ago and yet you did! -I've changed and I'm way too involved today, his behavior is killing me, Billy, you don't know how much… -Well, yes, my dear! I think I know a lot about my agents, don't forget. -This is beyond my strength,I don't even know if I will be able to continue working at the agency. -I would be very sad to lose you Amanda. -I need to step back before giving you my final decision. -Take your day tomorrow and try to rest. -Thank you, I'll try. She came out of the office, her frail figure seemed to carry all the weight of the world on her shoulders. Come on, Scarecrow! It's time to move if you don't want to spoil everything, says Billy, with his fingers crossed, he bet everything on these two. Partie VIII But from adventure to adventure Train to train, port to port Never again I swear to you I couldn't forget your body But from adventure to adventure Train to train, port to port

26

I couldn't close my wound 'Cause I love you, I still love you I love you "d'aventure en aventure »-Serge Lama He received a welcome worthy of a king everyone was smiling with him. The staff of the emerald city was absolutely blameless. Kévinhe waiter called him Mister Stetson and even offered him a drink while waiting for Félice who was late. They discussed the relative punctuality of the women when she finally arrived, a good half an hour later. The waiter's smile suddenly froze, he stared at Félice with a strange air and at the same time, a cold settled at their table. -I have the impression that all the waiters are looking at me strangely, said Félice. "It is not sympathy that stifles them! Lee refrained from telling her that everything was going well before she arrived. Indeed, the waiter kept his lips tight throughout the meal. Lee also felt observed by the other staff members. this situation was uncomfortable to say the least. To make matters worse, Félice was from a boring company as much as possible. She added tons, spoke and laughed too loudly. The way she called him "darling Lee" horrified him. Her conversation was pointless and to top it all she kept plowing his shin with the tip of his shoe . How did he one day find this girl an interesting minimum? He found this dress much too short and too tight. Her chest seemed to both try to escape and call for help because she was squeezed into a too narrow bustier… A slender and elegant silhouette, a bustier very fitting on a small chest, a slender neck, a delicate bone almost frail, crossed his mind in a flash. He closed his eyes briefly to try to cling to this image, but the eternal black curtain fell down heavily, obscuring mercilessly the slightest recollection. He opened his eyes, filled with deep sadness. When Félice had finally finished sucking his crab claws without grace, he had barely touched his plate. It was one of the worst nights of his life. He pretended to have a headache probably due to overwork at work to explain his lack of appetite and his desire to return. Once in his apartment, Félice pressed so hard against him that he believed that the poor bustier saw his end coming. She then greedily kissed her neck and pulled her hair violently to devour her lips. His crab smell made him nauseous, he pushed her away as best he could and headed for the bathroom. He passed cold water on his face until the unpleasant sensation finally disappeared. While wiping himself, he again crossed his reflection, which looked at him with pity as if he were the last of the idiots. That blow to the head really damaged his brain this time!

27

-Scarecrow, you are only the shadow of the man I knew!" threw Félice in his face before slamming the door of his apartment. He understood her, he had not sought excuses to spare her. He simply told her that this was not the kind of company he was looking for. Lee passed his hand nervously through his hair, what the hell happened to him? It was as if he had lost his own personality with his memories. Since waking up in the hospital, he hasn't felt at home or with anyone except… The phone ringing interrupted her thoughts, maybe it was Amanda? -Mister Stetson, it's Kevin, your waiter. You forgot your tie! Lee mechanically put his hand around his neck. -You must be mistaken, I still have my tie. -… I'm talking about the other nigh, you know when you kissed your pretty lady and she dipped in witch juice! -Witch juice ? I don't understand Kevin, you mean I've been to restaurants before. -Unless you have a twin brother, there's no doubt about it. It was last month. -I've had a Kevin accident, quite a blow to the head and I have amnesia. -So that's it! You said I had a date? -And very well accompanied, sir! You have been elected best couple of the emerald city by the staff! You two were so beautiful and friendly. -Kevin, did you hear his name? -No, sir, I think you called him my heart or my angel. -I don't remember Kevin at all. -It's strange, you seemed to know her very well! She cannot have disappeared! I can tell you she was very smiling, very beautiful, very fine and very tall, almost as tall as you. -I'm 1 meter 90 Kevin, it must have been a basketball player or a supermodel! - I'm sorry, sir, I don't know anything more… Oh, she was a brunette and had nothing to do with your partner tonight. In any case, you had a very good evening with him. -I'll pick up my tie, Kevin, thanks for calling. -I am there early in the morning, I also clean the restaurant… to put butter in the spinach. Lee hung up, puzzled. He preferred blondes, but he had nothing against brunettes. However, he was not the type to call his girlfriends «my heart», not at all! Was he a shadow of his former self? Did he still need to know who he was In any case, these tastes in women seemed to have changed quite a bit. He collapsed on the couch and took his head in his hands. He had to talk to someone, he was really scared of losing his mind. Without thinking, neither at the late hour, nor what he might say, he dialed Amanda's number. The bells rang in vain, he hung up, feeling alone and abandoned as never before. Amanda was on her way to Billy's house. She took her proposal literally to come and talk to him if she felt the need, regardless of the time of day or night. He opened the door to her in a robe, her face all wrinkled. She did not apologize and simply collapsed in her arms. She does not know how long it was before her tears finally dried up.

28

When she sat down on the couch, she saw that Jeannie had joined them. She had prepared tea and cookies on the coffee table. -I want to continue, sir, I will not give up. -I suspected that, Amanda, I am beginning to know you! You are not those who give up easily! -He is doing anything, he will drive me crazy, but I cannot abandon him. Lee became my best friend and I'm not going to lose him. Hopefully, it won't take three years— I'm one step ahead this time! It's just very difficult to see how I no longer exist for him. Billy gently wiped away the discreet tear that rolled along Amanda's cheek. -Lee couldn't stand the thought of losing you. It's terrifying for him to remember the dramatic circumstances of this incident. Scarecrow could not protect you, he was totally helpless and spectator of your death. You logically had no chance! The probability of the weapon jamming was very small. The lab that analyzed it deduced that the problem was the ejector wear. This happens when the gun has fired a lot, the ejector misguides the case and it jams the bolt. While this has rarely happened at the shooting range, no other officer in the field has ever faced this type of technical problem. Lee didn't deliberately forget you, he put parts of his brain that control emotional memory on hold. He made sure to forget the traumatic events he can't handle. I am sure that you still have an immense place in his heart, he struggles with himself not to suffer. You must be strong and patient, I know it will come back to you. -I hope so, it's so hard to see him so cold and reckless again. I hate to see him go back to being the hard, lonely, unattached man he was. I'm also afraid, as before, he's taking reckless risks. Not to mention the constant parade of all these girlfriends of bad taste that makes me nauseous… -You're gonna make it, my child! For him and for you two, I'm sure. No one else could have transformed Scarecrow as you managed to do! And no one else will succeed. You're his only chance, Amanda. -Thank you sir, I will fight for our past memories and our future, even if the present is complicated. Billy held her firmly in his arms. She felt lighter and more determined than ever to fight this scarecrow with a failing brain. Jeannie and her husband had barely rested their heads on the pillow, and there were slight knocks at the door. -She must have forgotten something said Billy when she jumped out of bed. His surprised look greeted Scarecrow who from his tall waist looked at him like a lost child.

29

-I'm sorry to bother you at this hour, I tried to call Amanda but she didn't answer. Then I tried to stop by her house but all the lights were off and her car wasn't there. Is it strange that she's seeing someone right now? -I think so, but she doesn't tell the agency. -Still this boring guy with a ringing name, Ding… Ding… Dong -I don't think not… -His ex? Jo? I always knew he hadn't really moved on! -Strange that you remember Jo King, you only met him a short time ago. -I vaguely remember that I don't like it. -Lee, did you come to my house at this hour of the night to question me about Amanda King's romantic life? -No, I came because I am totally lost and have nowhere else to go. -Then you did well. Lee greeted Jeannie as she brought coffee and cookies from the kitchen. She squeezed his arm and smiled at him, as if it were perfectly normal for him to be there, while she and her boss were in their pajamas. He felt lucky to have real friends even though a huge void seemed to have invaded his heart. They spoke for an hour. Billy reminded Lee that Doctor Grant had advised him to listen and to express his emotions as much as possible. He confided in Billy, essentially speaking of Amanda. -She drives me crazy, she meddles in everything, she treats me like a child! She seems to disapprove of everything I do and everything I am. -And yet you turned to her in the first place. -Yes, I know I disappoint her terribly and I hate it. I sleep badly, I have nightmares and I don't remember. There are always these flashes and this woman whose face I never see… It's exhausting Billy! -I know, my boy, do not discourage me, I am convinced that the memory of the heart is strongest. Eventually you'll find your way back, Lee, you're lucky to have good company. -You know things I don't, Billy, don't you? -I feel things that your brain has deliberately forgotten for to protect you. I know that when the time comes, everything will be right. You'll realize that what you've lost makes you more miserable than what you're afraid to risk losing. -I didn't know you my philosopher leader! Thank you for listening to me Billy, it did me a lot of good! When they finally rested their heads on the pillow, it was almost four in the morning. Jeannie turned her head to her husband: -What are we going to do with these two Billy Melrose? -A couple as happy as we are, my Jeannie, I hope with all my heart. -We agree, darling! Even if Lee gives us a hard time. -He's a scarecrow my angel but Amanda is a magician and I trust her powers…

30

Part IX Live the dreams Oversleep Pray the shadows And walk so much I can tell myself That it takes time I can write it down So black on white Whatever I do Wherever I am Nothing fades, I think of you. «Not you»- Jean Jacques Goldman In the morning the tip of her nose was pointed as Amanda looked up from the letter she had just written. She felt the need to put down on paper what she felt. She had just written a letter that she would never send. My Lee, As Prévert said, I wish you could remember the happy days when we were friends… I would so much like to protect you from the vile demons that haunt your nights. I would so much like walk by your side again and again and forever. I would so much like on rainy days, make you dance, support you if you slip and get up if you fall. I would so much like to capture a star, so that you never again stray into your dark memories. I would so much like to exchange your sorrows for promises of beautiful adventures. I would so much like to dress your wounds with tender kisses and pretty words of love. Maybe one day you'll remember us. Maybe in time, you will rediscover me. Maybe you'll be my friend again, my confidant, my lover? Suddenly, one fine morning or at the end of a too long road. Or maybe life will take us away forever. But could I forgive you for rejecting me, for preferring other companies, for forgetting that I was your friend? Could I forgive you for choosing other arms while I was waiting for you? Could I risk suffering so much again? You've forgotten my skin, my smell, our feelings, our best moments. You've forgotten our love, our promises, our happy days.

31

I watched you forget me helpless, resigned and broken. I watched you go back to being that prisoner I had so much trouble releasing. My heart stopped beating and fell apart. How to fix it so it works again? In spite of everything, in spite of you, in spite of me, in spite of all, in spite of us, You are my only love and I want you to be happy with or without me. I love you with and without you. I love you no more than yesterday and no less than tomorrow. I love you yesterday, today and tomorrow, I love you through time and for eternity. Your Amanda… in memory of the past. Feeling soothed, she folded the sheet and placed it in the pocket of her coat. Then she lay down on the couch and fell asleep in one second. She woke up smiling under the sweet kisses of her boys. She felt stronger, ready to fight. After taking care of Philip and Jamie, she'd buy herself an afternoon of shopping. Tomorrow night there was a party in a beautiful mansion belonging to a high-ranking MI6. A kind of inter-agency meeting with a delegation of British agents. Dance party, ultra chic dress code, buffets, cocktails… She was determined to have fun and, by the way, to put Scarecrow in awe. Christie was a pretty little blonde as sparkling as she was busty. Lee had randomly opened one of his notebooks and while browsing the page, he remembered some great extended evenings spent in his company. He could not go to the party alone and Christie had been delighted with his call. They arrived in a beautiful ballroom, lined with bay windows opening onto terraces. An orchestra played sweet melodies, couples were already dancing on the tracks. Lee looked for Billy and saw him by the buffet with Francine. He was interrupted by Edward Brown, an agent he had met on a mission to London. After exchanging a few platitudes, Lee suggested that Brown go to the buffet to greet Billy. -Stetson, do you know the beautiful creature standing behind Billy's back? -Edward, I don't know all the women in the assembly! -Lee, come on ... to others! Christie moaned her throat, as if to signal her presence. -Let's take a closer look, continued Edward, ignoring Christie's intervention. Lee had to admit that Brown was right. This tall brunette looked like a supermodel. Very thin and slender, she wore a long black satin dress. Inse of déjà vu.t was both fluid and close to the body. And what a body! A long slender neck, frail but square shoulders, a pretty

32

bare back, a very thin waist and endless legs. It seemed as great as he, this reflection insuflated in him a se. -Hello Billy, remember Edward Brown? -Sure! Hello Edward, how are you? Lee did not hear the continuation of the exchange, it was at this moment that the tall brunette turned around. - Edward, this is Amanda King. She's been Lee's partner for a while now. -Of course! I should have guessed that. Stetson, you'll never change! Edward laughed. I have a call to make, I'll be back in a moment, I hope you'll give me the next dance Miss King. You're dazzling! Amanda returned the cutest smile, which made Lee even more annoyed. Lee did not want to laugh at all, he found this Brown infuriating and much too sure of himself. Not at all the kind of Amanda. What did he know about Amanda's kind of man, anyway? He could not help but detail it. His hair was tied in a loose bun from which escaped some long and wavy strands. The front of her dress was quite cleavage but not at all vulgar on her small chest. She was wearing her heart-shaped pendant and a very fine rhinestone bracelet. She was incredibly elegant. Going up to his face, he saw his stiff smile and his big sad brown eyes fixed on Christie. Lord, he had forgotten that the latter was still attached to his arm, like a mold to his rock. This woman had to be a crustacean in another life. He had to have something to attract them! It reminded her of Felice, a cannibal species, depending on how many of her fellow creatures she had swallowed the other night... A loud voice interrupted the wanderings of his mind. -I'm Christie, said this one, staring coldly at Amanda. I'm Lee's girlfriend. Delighted to know you, this secretive never spoke of you! She then passed a possessive arm around her waist. Make me dance my heart, she said, pushing it towards the runway. -My heart… Amanda had hers on her lips, at least what was left of it. She watched Christie melt into Lee's arms. She could not detach her gaze from the hypnotic swing of their bodies. Why was she doing so much harm? Probably to convince herself once and for all that the man she loved as she had never loved would not return. She saw Christie stroking Lee's hair, bending her head and standing on her toes to kiss her. It was more than she could bear, she just had time to cover her face with her hands before bursting into tears. She felt that Billy grab her around the waist and she let herself be taken to the balcony, away from prying eyes.

33

-I'm sorry, Billy, said she a moment later, when she had the strength to speak again. -It's nothing, my dear, I understand how difficult it is for you. -Amanda you are there! Edward Brown had just popped out of nowhere. He took her by the hand and took her to the track without further formalities. She finally relaxed, the warmth of Edward's arms comforted her a little, she was less cold. His rider was great, considerate, pleasant to look at and he smelled good of lemon. -Why are you so sad, Amanda King? -Am I such a poor actress? -Something tells me that you are anything but an actress and that a triple idiot must have hurt you a lot. -You are perceptive, Mr. Brown. Christie and her partner had left the dance floor for a while. Lee, who had joined the buffet, watched Brown and his partner, who did not decide to leave the dance floor. How could they have so much to tell each other? Christie had finally let go of her arm to get a makeover. He didn't know what she could add to his face, she already made up like a stolen truck! Unlike them, Amanda and Edward always gracefully evolved to the rhythm of the music. What could they have been saying all this time? This Brown really looked like a penguin in the sun! Following his gaze, Billy pointed out that «these two» seemed to have perfectly found each other! what a lovely couple he was! It was nice to see! Leaving Christie there who had just returned from the toilet, Lee gave in to a sudden impulse and quickly crossed the room to tap on Brown's shoulder bluntly. Christie glanced at Billy, who strangely bore a broad smile more than satisfied. -I'd like to dance with my partner before the end of the night, if you don't mind, said he in a tone that was more snappy than he would have liked. -Of course, Lee, please. See you soon, added Edward, keeping Amanda's hand in his much longer than necessary. He noticed that his hand did not rest wisely on his shoulder as with Edward, she had carelessly passed her arm around his neck, he could feel his fingers on his neck. He felt strangely proud and also moved as he watched his big hand totally cover Amanda's. His other hand rested on his waist, it was so thin, he gently slipped it on his lower back. Her skin was soft and warm and she smelled so good… A fresh and light scent, indescribable, a smell he recognized, the scent of Amanda. He also knew they had already danced together, it was… natural. He put his temple against his hair and breathed once again this sweet fragrance so reassuring. Nothing existed anymore for Amanda, she was just where she wanted to be and she especially wanted the music to never stop. She was in the strong and protective arms of the most beautiful man of the assembly, he felt good and beyond all it was his love. She suddenly felt pressure on her shoulder, what a bad guy wanted to get her out of

34

this sweet cocoon? She then heard a distant and icy voice that asked her to please return her boyfriend. She raised big eyes both surprised and frightened at Lee while clinging to his embrace. Disoriented, she took a few seconds to come down to earth. An icy hand now surrounded her heart, God how painful it was! Swallowing the huge lump in her throat, she used all her mental strength to prevent the flood of pain she felt from escaping through her eyes. She loosened her grip and slowly pulled herself away from where she wanted to stay forever. Lee slowly let go of her hand and she backed back, flickering slightly. She watched as this woman, whom she deeply hated, melted into the body of the one she loved more than herself. Oh yes, she hated her soul as much as Elena and everything that kept her away from him. She had to pick herself up, she preached, returning to one of the outside balconies. She had a life outside of Lee Stetson, children, mother, friends… He wasn't his whole life, she could go on without him, she was going on. He had decided to forget her, very well, as difficult as it was, she was going to take the shock and move forward! She existed before Lee stetson, she would exist after! She had to step back and distance herself from her partner. Lee didn't recognize this too small body sticking shamelessly to his, these hands were too… these curves were too… This perfume was too… Everything was too much! He closed his eyes and relived Amanda's gaze, a look both sad and lost that gave him goose bumps and plunged him back into a nightmare. A deserted sidewalk, a slender silhouette, a frightening cry, a desperate look, this feeling of indescribable anguish! Why wasn't the black curtain falling this time? A sharp pain compressed his temples while new flash-black followed at a dizzying speed. Like a time-lapse movie, he saw so many images that his brain threatened to explode. Each fragment of memory gave him a pain comparable to a stab wound. No longer holding it, he seized his head with full hands and with an animal cry, fell on his knees on the ground. The pain left him no respite, nor the images! A train station, blue curtains, a golf cart, an inert body in his arms, an ambulance, a panda, a flowered trellis, a boat cabin, trampled flowers, explosions and hundreds of others, intertwined and accompanied by thunderous sounds of ambulance sirens and the horrible echo of the sound of his name. Seeing him on the ground, Amanda swept away her recent resolutions and ran across the room as if the devil was after her. She bypassed him, ignoring Christie, who stood there with her mouth open, like a common whelk. She knelt on the floor and without hesitation took him in her arms assuring him that everything would go well. He uttered his name several times, her head buried in his neck, while she stroked his hair tirelessly, rocking it tenderly. Billy had joined them, the image of his favorite couple of agents tenderly entwined on the ground at the feet of a red Christie like an angry lobster, for a moment cut off his voice. -I'll call an ambulance, Amanda, stay close. -No, Billy, protested Lee. Just a sudden headache, stronger than the others, I'm better, give me two minutes.

35

Knowing his agent's phobia for hospitals, Billy announced that he would call Grant to get his opinion. Christie's sharp, high-pitched voice brought Amanda out of the bubble she was in. -That's enough now, Mrs. King, stay where you are! Lee is my boyfriend and it's starting to annoy me a lot to always find you on our way. Joining the word to her gesture she bent down, grabbed Amanda by the waist and furiously pulled up. Unbalanced both by Christie's surprise and strength, Amanda felt thrown against the wall like a rag doll. The scene that unfolded before Billy's eyes when he returned, took him aback once more. In a flash, a Scarecrow fully recovered and more angry than ever jumped on his feet, rushing towards Amanda, he raised her and squeezed her against him. Livid and without letting go of her, he turned and shot Christie with his eyes. The voice that came out of his throat was more serious and threatening than ever. -Christie, I don't have a girlfriend, and if I did, she'd be as close to you as shrimp is to lobster." Know that Amanda is perfectly and always in her place with me! A good advice, disappear from my sight and never cross our path again! Christie turned away furiously and quickly left the room not without shouting that they both had a big problem. They then went away from the crowd, into a corner of the lobby, Lee still supporting Amanda. -Where does it hurt, Amanda?" asked Lee, in a voice so sweet that she made him cry. -My back hit the wall, but it's okay now," she said, suddenly moved by her proximity and touch. He tightened his grip a little more and with his left hand began small concentric circles, from the bottom to the top of his back. Amanda put her head on her chest and breathed this moment of happiness. Waiving any comment on what had just happened, Billy summarized his phone call with the doctor. Lee could go home under surveillance, grant would drop by in an hour, no driving and it was non-negotiable. If the crisis were to recur, it would be time for emergencies. These episodes are not uncommon but they strain the brain and can lead to convulsions and knowledge loss in extreme cases. He talked about overloading information that disrupts the nervous system and can somehow create surges, short circuits. -The problem, Lee, said Billy, is that you have just chased the one I imagined to be your orderly." Do you have anyone who would volunteer? -Billy… complained Lee. -Non-negotiable Scarecrow, it's that or the hospital!

36

Out of nowhere, Francine pointed out that there would certainly be a good samaritan in one of her many little black notebooks. -Oh, no, thank you, Francine, and the risk of running into another Christie! I still prefer the hospital! I have to get old , I better sort out my relationships… -Wow, I never thought I would hear that one day from the midnight hiker, laughed Francine. -I can, said a tiny voice. Amanda always had her nose in Lee's shirt. I mean, if that's okay with you, she got out of her arms to put back her pumps that she had been holding since she fell. -I also thought you had shrunk, laughed Lee gently. -I just took my initial height, replied Amanda, in a troubled voice. Lee took her hands and stared at her suddenly surprised by a powerful feeling of déjà vu. -What do we do, children? ask Billy, Lee? Amanda? -I can drop by my house to warn my mom and pick up some extra things. Tomorrow, we can drive to the agency with my car and as soon as the doctor gives the green light, I'll just have to take Lee back to his car. -Thank you, Amanda, said Lee, gently, taking her hand. -Perfect, finished Billy with a smile of contentment, let's go! Chapitre X He's so close to me Yet I don't know How to love it… And I'm like an island in the ocean It seems my heart is too big "D'amour ou d'amitié"- Céline Dion Dotty put on her now-usual smile when her daughter told her she was spending the night with a sick colleague. Surely still this Mr Stedman, Sampson? Stetson...? She could never remember her name! Lee! This on the other hand she knew, just as she knew that the latter held a special place in the heart of her daughter! After all, she was a mother and mothers knew this kind of things.

37

She glanced at Lee, and he looked exhausted, his head overturned on the headrest and his eyes closed. She could not help but briefly lay her hand on hers. This time he did not jump, he turned his hand to firmly interlace their fingers. A big tear rolled over his cheek, this gesture so natural in the past, put his heart upside down today. All hope was not lost, she would continue to believe. Glancing tenderly at the great sleepy form in the passenger seat, she wiped her cheek on her shoulder, refusing to let go of her hand, if only for a moment. Doctor Grant had just left the apartment. For him, Lee's flashbacks were the result of more sensory stimuli. It was positive, he had to focus on his sensations, it was the best way to bring out his memories. He could return to work the next day but had to wait 48 hours before getting back behind the wheel. While he was in the shower, she made the brief phone call she had promised Billy to reassure him. She pulled her nightly things out of the bag when he appeared, dressed in a simple gray and loose jogging suit that descended low on her hips… God, that man was handsome! With a fabulous wink, he told her that the bathroom was all hers and that he was going to bed. As he walked towards the couch she got in her way. "Where do you think Stetson is going?" she asked him with the tone of voice she used to reprimand her boys. She pointed her index finger at his torso and pushed him back towards the room. I sleep very well on this sofa and it is absolutely out of the question that I sleep alone in your bed. "Alone...? He stopped, surprised, his voice was hoarse." Astonished by her own words, she gently let her index finger slide on her skin, which only accentuated her discomfort. Blushing violently, she stammered a few confused and senseless words. Lee suddenly folded in two, holding his head and moaning. Amanda approached to help her stabilize, he put his two arms around her waist and put his chin on the top of her head. -Lee… "All right, just give me a moment," he gasped. Nodding, she closed her eyes and thought he could even take as much time as he had left. Snuggled up against her warm, soft torso, she could feel her heart beating too fast and her breath in her hair. Mechanically, with her right hand, she went back and forth along the length of her back, whispering again and again that everything would be fine. He hugged her more tightly, surrendering to the sensations that overwhelmed him. Again and again this slender silhouette, this flowery perfume, tender and soft arms, shared caresses, two bodies huddled in front of a fireplace, raindrops sliding on a small skylight, incredible laughter, large brown eyes… He knew those eyes! The parade went on without giving him time to linger: his parents telling him to be brave, that it was worth it and an elderly man he did not know who smiled confidently.

38

He did not know exactly when he had regained full consciousness. He just knew that it had been a while and that he felt terribly well. Her thumb caressed the soft, smooth skin left naked by the evening dress she always wore. They were standing very tight, he thought briefly that their bodies were perfectly interlocked. A slight moan entered the protective bubble which isolated them from reality. Lee did not know if it was his or Amanda's, but what he did know was that his closeness and caresses were beginning to have strange effects on him. Damn it, Scarecrow! he preached, it's Amanda King that you hold in your arms, you are really unrecoverable my boy! He took a step back, and she raised her big brown eyes on him. He lost himself in the depths of that gaze filled with … of what he could not define, he came closer again, unable to act otherwise. His gaze smoothed on his half-open lips… -Lee...Lee... Knock on the door, let go in a breath. It was Francine who came to check on them. Amanda left them alone and took the opportunity to take a long shower. She couldn't help but smile, their friend's intervention took her back in time. How many times had Francine not interrupted their romantic moments? Because that was what it was about, she got to know Lee, her looks, her reactions, her thoughts… What would have happened if they had not been interrupted? She was certain of one thing, she would never have the will to reject it. Before opening the door, she had seen the mixed surprise of worry and incomprehension on her partner's face. Francine had already left when she returned dressed in her most wise cotton nightgown. The living room was empty, Lee must have gone to bed, so she decided to do the same. He had prepared the «usual plaid» on the sofa, she took it and buried her head in it and breathed all the pretty memories that flowed in her memory. It was in this strange position that Lee discovered her when he returned after deciding to wish her a good night. Its pale blue night dress was long, gathered under the chest and slightly transparent under the indiscreet gaze of the lamppost. The long and wide sleeves were tightened around her fine wrists and very cute little toes with coral nails barely protruded. A brief swing in his right temple reminded him of Grant's words about his need for rest. He could not look away from Amanda, she seemed small and lost in this mass of fabric. She reminded him of Wendy in Peter Pan, and he once again found her adorable. If only she could follow the second star straight to the right until morning… A lost child had been waiting for her for so long. Rehashing his crazy thoughts, he said again that this blow on the head had done great damage. At the same time, a new sharp pain, accompanied by a flashy image in his mind: arms crossed on a slightly transparent nightgown… -Um, Amanda… She screamed under the surprise and threw the plaid in his face, a puff of Amanda's scent assaulted her by surprise. -Why do you always have to do this?

39

-What? -Appear and disappear without warning, each time my heart misses a beat. It was his heart that lacked a beat now, it had moved right into the shameless light of that damned lamppost. He cleared his throat and looked away before wishing him good night, in a voice that he himself did not recognize. Lying on his back, sleep did not want him. Did he really have to be short of girlfriends for Amanda King dressed in Caroline Ingalls' nightgown to disturb her senses so much. At the same time, these latest female experiences seemed to indicate that her tastes had evolved. He thought of her notebooks and who could he call, perhaps Elisa Danton? She was beautiful, intelligent… a little too mannered perhaps? He closed his eyes, the image of Amanda's sweet smile not leaving her thoughts. Chapter XI Since the shadow wins Since there is no mountain Beyond the winds, higher than the mountains of oblivion Since it is elsewhere that will beat your heart better And since I love you too much to hold you back "Puisque tu pars"- JJ Goldman The morning had finally arrived, he had risen very early, so early that to take care of himself he had decided to prepare an omelette for breakfast. He was not hungry and did not remember ever eating in the morning but a voice in his mind told him that for Amanda this meal was the most important of the day. He passed her head in the living room, thinking that she had to get up if they wanted a chance to arrive at a reasonable hour at the office. Moreover, he had just remembered that he had committed to go through the emerald city to get his tie. Unlike the «Randy Baby and co», his partner had prepared in just 10 minutes. She smelled good soap, in this case, his soap! It was strange to feel his smell on her. A crispy omelette and some overcooked toast later, they were in Amanda's car. Lee rubbed his temples, the mere preparation of breakfast had oddly aroused new painful flashes. Amanda was rambling slowly, she had forgotten her coat, it was not very serious, she would resume later, it was much too mild for the season… Her partner was driving in a gentle way, he listened to her distractedly thinking that everything was sweet about her, her gestures, her look, her smile… Amanda's forgetfulness suddenly reminded him of his tie, he asked him to fork into the perpendicular street, he had to pick up something close to there. Amanda's heart missed a beat when he asked her to stop in front of the emerald city.

40

-Imagine that it seems that I already went there before Félice and that I forgot my tie. Obviously, I don't remember! Kévin, the waiter, left me a message saying that he cleaned the kitchens in the morning to make ends meet. So I told him I'd stop by today. -I'm waiting for you in the car, said Amanda. Lee winked at her both complicity and astonishment. Once he got out of the car, he turned around and hit the window, his marvellous dimpled smile on his lips. -Are you really saying that sentence now? Before she could answer, a friendly slap slapped her shoulder. Kevin stood in front of him, smiling to the fullest. Amanda's half smile instantly vanished when she saw the waiter's gaze. -Hey! Monsieur Stetson! I'm a little late this morning, but I'm so happy for you! But who is it? Hello you! He added to Amanda with a wink, his smile widening a little more. Kevin then took him by the arm and dragged him inside the restaurant. Moving away, Lee turned and glanced at Amanda, who was white as death. Kevin took him to the kitchens where the package containing his tie was. -Glad to see that you are well and especially that you have found your mysterious lover! It's really great! By the way, what's her name? You never know you'd fall back on your head! It would also save you the trouble of bringing back your old girlfriend. You know, the blonde you seemed to be bored to death with. Lee had frozen on the spot, drops of sweat running through his back. He had listened to Kevin's long ramble but the words did not seem to want to be put in place in his brain. -Mr. Stetson? Are you feeling well? -I don't understand…I didn't remember Kevin… -But your lady? -What lady? -The one waiting for you in the car, the one you came with the first time. -Amanda is my partner, we've been working together for over three years. We are very good friends but she cannot be my lover, you must confuse. -Mr. Stetson, there's no question about the nature of your relationship with this pretty lady. You spent the evening holding tight, you were even seen kissing more or less discreetly. Your looks, gestures and smiles moved everyone that night! The staff unanimously voted you the most beautiful couple in the Emerald City! Imagine our disappointment when you came back with this... that other person, to say the least…different. -You must be mistaken, it must have been someone who looked like him … It's just inconceivable. -Mr. Stetson, the very tall brunettes, so thin and so solar, with such almond eyes, do not run the streets. I repeat, you were such a nice couple that it is absolutely impossible to forget or confuse you. She wore very elegantly a beautiful black strapless dress and high heels, she looked like a model.

41

Lee felt the now familiar pain clinging to his temples. He briefly closed his eyes and Amanda's face appeared on the silhouette that haunted her nights. In a final wave of denial, he tried to find an acceptable explanation. -Kevin, Amanda and I are really close, we often touch each other, even holding hands, but we're just friends, really, the rest is unthinkable… -Mr. Stetson, no, I assure you, no doubt. My God, was that a joke? The lone spy who collects girls from night clubs and the wise mother at the Arlington home? The king of insensitivity and the queen of empathy? The guy everyone runs away from and the lady everyone loves? Scarecrow and Madame King together? Together as emotionally involved? Together as lovers? She wasn't the kind of woman who didn't get involved and anyway he wasn't his kind of woman at all! A nervous laugh escaped him. He didn't want to, he couldn't be involved! How to be and not be involved with Amanda? He was going crazy… Could his subversive behavior have gone so far as to risk upsetting the order hardly established by his Amanda? Her Amanda...? Where did this crazy idea come from? Hell! He was the worst son of a bitch, going after her, why? He had all the women he wanted in a snap, why? She was absolutely the opposite of the women who attracted her. He looked at her from the corner of his eye, she was driving, but she seemed a thousand leagues away. Oh of course she was beautiful, she had beautiful skin and very fine features, as drawn with a brush. He had always found his big eyes stunning and they were so expressive! His little mutinous nose and his mimics were absolutely adorable. But she was far too sensitive, too delicate, too soft, too fragile, too important! Important…? Why? Important to whom? Could he even imagine himself with her? Oh yes he could! His own thoughts frightened him, paralyzed him. She deserved more than anyone else to be loved by a good person, she had had enough with this triple Joe King prick. What sane man could abandon a woman like her? You, old man, blew a little voice into his mind, he shook his head. He was unable to love, he had never been taught, he had never even had any role models. Oh, his parents loved each other of course but he was so young and especially he had so little time with them. His few attempts at attachment ended in death or betrayal. Amanda would never betray him, of which he was certain, the rest he simply could not imagine. Amanda was driving mechanically, the silence was more than heavy. They had not exchanged a word since her return but she knew he knew. She felt very strongly the ambient discomfort, she could observe the knuckles of her whitened fingers on her knees and the muscle of her jaw which quivered. He had completely

42

closed in on himself, in those cases, he did not want to hear anything, nor could she find anything to say. After a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, Lee breathed hard and went first. -How long has it been, Amanda? When has our relationship changed? She looked at him sad and hesitated.

- Amanda, I need to know. What exactly is that? An evening adventure, some kind of experience? It can't be serious, can it? It's just a mistake! Damn it!

He was screaming, she hated when he was screaming but it was nothing compared to his horrible words. She was in physical pain, as if each sentence was accompanied by a stab wound. The love of her life regarded her as some sort of experience, worse, as a mistake… What is the answer to that? She was breathless, what did he mean by «some experience»? Swallowing her grief in the depths of herself, she breathed deeply and drew the strength to respond calmly. -What kind of experience are you talking about, Lee? That of a superb secret agent who would deign to put in bed a very ordinary poor housewife? For what? To add the desperate housewife to her hunting board? To be able to laugh with his other friends Don Juan? Or perhaps just out of pity, to spice up the sad life of this poor woman? Oh, wait, you said something about a mistake too, an abuse of scotch or French wine? Tell me, Lee, it interests me to know your deep motivations. Lee turns pale, realizing the awkwardness of his remarks. Amanda's voice was of unparalleled bitterness, filled with a mixture of restrained grief and anger. -Amanda I… -Come down, Lee, she interrupted in a soft voice that was almost a murmur. He didn't even notice they stopped rolling. Get out of my sight— and of my life Lee, she added in a very low voice, caressing and supplicating. -Am… -GET OUT!" she shouted, suddenly drunk with anger. "Disappear! You hear me, disappear! I DON'T WANT TO GO ON." Her strength increased tenfold, she loosened her belt, leaned through him, opened the door and literally pushed him out of the vehicle. She burst out, leaving him stunned on the side of the road. "Never see you again" she ended up alone in a loud sob. Lee sat down on the sidewalk, furiously passing his hand through his hair ,he could not recover from the image of his partner. His soft face was distorted by anger and pain and his voice… He was the last of the idiots, he was born to ruin everything!

43

It was much better that way, for her in any case, she would recover and live only better without him. Why on earth did he choose her that day at the station? There were dozens of people, why her? He was an experienced agent and a damn good agent, that he knew it! So why this frail person, who wore a nightgown under his coat, and clearly had nothing to do with the intelligence world? His life had become an ocean of why. Why did he feel so bad, so empty, so alone? His hand was desperately in his hair when three little feathers from nowhere gently stroked his face. He will watch them gently twirl and land in the puddle at his feet. As in a dream, he thought he could see three figures on the surface of the water. He closed his eyes and voices in his head murmured to him: -Because it's you -Because it's her -Because you have belonged to each other, since and for eternity. There is no chance, you did not choose it, you just found each other. This time he was certain, he would end up in an insane asylum, all these concussions had ended up seriously injuring his brain. He opened his eyes, the little feathers had disappeared, he could only contemplate his reflection... which winked at him with encouragement. He got up and began to walk with a determined step, stupid, he said to himself, sweeping away with a gesture of the hand all his ridiculous thoughts. It was very nice, walking would do him the greatest good,it was enough for him to definitively drive Amanda King out of his damn brain and everything would go perfectly for him. As soon as this thought is complete, a huge cloud from hell obscures the blue sky, giving way to a deluge of rain and a long series of frightful thunder blows. It could only be witchcraft, they had cast a spell on him! raising his arms and head towards the heavens, he shouted «Go ahead, finish me off! Lightning fell a few steps away, decimating a majestic pine tree that fell right before his feet. Chapter XII We have often seen fire From an ancient volcano that was thought to be too old… I'll offer you pearls of rain Coming from a country where it doesn't rain… I'll make up crazy words for you… I'll tell you the story of this king Dead, for not meeting you… Don't red and black marry? Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me « Ne me quitte pas » -J Brel

44

He arrived at the agency completely soaked and breathless from his race against the elements unleashed. "Have you decided to do a few lengths of Potomac to channel your energy? Billy asked her with a weary air." "Very funny! I almost died drowned, struck down and crushed by a tree! I have never experienced such a storm!" Billy considered him for a moment, strangely not surprised by the words of his friend. He shrugged his shoulders and opened his drawer in search of his life-saving anti acids. -Lee, we are in an extreme drought, it hasn't rained a drop in over 10 days… Go home and change, rest, and don't come back until tomorrow. Billy watched his agent turn around and come out with his shoulders low, he felt a lot of pain for him but knew that Lee had to find his way himself. Lying on his bed for a long time, he stared at the ceiling. His thoughts always brought him back to her, to her smile and her big brown eyes. He had a visceral need to see her, to hear her, he had tried to call her but his mother had told him that she did not want to talk to him and that she wanted him to continue his life without worrying about her. She made him say that she only wished him well and that she hoped that one day he would be happy. He felt more abandoned and sadder than ever, totally empty. Why did he realize that now? There was a sentence that went on and on in his mind: you realize the importance of a person in your life, only when you lose it. He was so unhappy, he had lost his partner, his friend and much more, he knew it now or at least he felt it. He had spent several hours rehashing all his flashes and this time Amanda's face appeared clearly on the once mysterious silhouette. He still did not remember the accident or all the moments spent with her but he felt terribly his lack. He had hurt her and this thought was like torture. No doubt was possible, he loved Amanda King more than himself and more than anyone who existed or existed. He got up with the intention of pouring himself a glass of scotch and saw his coat. It was a good excuse to go to her house, he caught her with a lively gesture, inadvertently dropping a sheet folded in four. After hesitating at least three seconds and a few hundredths, he unfolded the paper and began to read. He was having difficulty rereading the scrambled words he had just written. My Amanda,

45

You know expressing my feelings to me is a lot more complicated than infiltrating the KGB. Yet for you and for the first time in my life, I want to try. Verlaine vaguely inspired me the first line, the others are mine. Sorry, poets aren't my friends. My angel, Today it rains in my soul as it rains in my heart. All before you were just decoys. You are the only one, certainly what the poets call the soul mate. You are the only one, certainly what the poets call the soul mate. My treasure, There was a rainbow that morning at the station. You were at his feet, I found you without looking for you. I could bring down lightning and thunder. You were always there, so bright so solar. Today the rainbow has disappeared. I am so poor of you. My magician, my wealth, my sweet and tender to me. I miss those happy days so cruelly. I no longer recognize, today, the man I am, or the man I was yesterday, three years ago, forever ago… I only work half way, I lost my best part. Amanda, You are my star and the light that keeps my demons away. You are the first and last image of each of my days since you agreed to walk with me. You are the only one who can calm my doubts, my sorrows and my uncertainties. Amanda, I want to dance with you in the sun as in the rain and make your gray days wonderful rainy days. I want us to travel together to the end of life. I want to sprinkle your days and nights with all those words of love that I never learned. I want more than anything to be part of a family. Amanda, You understood my story and laid bare my character I need your arms, skin, smell and voice. To calm my storms, it's only you. I need you to forgive me I need to love you I need you Amanda, I want to be your friend again, your confidant, your lover.

46

I want to find our love, our promises and our beautiful days. I beg you, forgive me, my love Forgive me my wanderings, my troubles of the past Forgive me the stupidity of thinking I could forget you Forgive me the cowardice of having also been afraid to love you Forgive me all that I have not said, all that I have not done, all that I have not been. Please Give me a chance to fix my mistakes. Give me a chance to fix your heart. Give me a chance to fix my life. Amanda I can only be happy with you. I'm only free, trapped in your arms. I want to share our moments and multiply our happiness I want to add our memories and remove your pain. Don't give up, Amanda, please don't give up on me. I have only one certainty. I loved you, I love you and I will love you for yesterday, for today and for eternity. Your mindless scarecrow, Hoping for a future… Lee felt again stupid, he found his words terribly childish, both too much and not enough. She deserved so much better than someone like him anyway! Why did she insist on staying by his side? He clearly remembered their beginnings and the unassuming way he treated her then! What an ass he had been! She had always been there for him, risked her life several times to save his… And this since the first day he had dragged her in the hell of espionage. For lack of words and for lack of better, he folded the letter in four and placed it in Amanda's coat pocket, instead of the one he had stolen. He went to 4247 and for the first time he remembers, Lee Stetson rang the doorbell. He did not have to wait long, it was a Dotty with a closed face who welcomed him, without a word. Hello, Mrs. West, I am Lee Stetson, I would have liked to see Amanda," said he, holding his breath. A long silence followed Lee's intervention. Dotty watched with piercing eyes and what he interpreted as restrained anger. -I don't know who you are, but I know you perfectly, she replied in a dry voice. You are Mr. Stetson, Stedman, Simpson, and so on.

47

You are a director for IFF, pizza delivery or pest exterminator. You are sometimes our new neighbor, sometimes a colleague of my daughter, her boss, her partner, her friend, her lover. You work for the government, you are the government, you are an outstanding agent and you are a double agent it depends. You're so many lies, Lee! And the worst part is that you infected my little girl. She's been lying to me ever since you came into his life. She had a caring lover, she doesn't have any more and I know you have something to do with it! She disappears day and night, she risks her life and her reputation to follow you I don't know where, chased like a thief by I don't know who. I don't understand my only child anymore! What I am certain to understand is that you are the man who makes my little girl unhappy like never before. I hate to see my panda in this state and for this reason, I will not go for it! Please leave my house and my child alone. -I'm so sorry,he said in a breath. -Sorry is not enough for all this Sir- -Stetson -Mmmm…or not! One can be sorry for forgetting to bring bread, for being late or for being slightly angry but one cannot be sorry for destroying the life of an entire family. You can't be sorry to put someone in danger or take them away from their inner self. My daughter was a gentle, empathetic, jovial and honest person. Today, thanks to you, she is only a shadow of herself. Lee released the breath he had been holding back unconsciously since Dotty started talking. -I am the shadow-you're right, ma'am. You must not blame her, I dragged her in spite of herself in this miserable adventure. She should have run from me like the plague but as you say, her incredible generosity pushed her to act differently. I won't worry her any more, Mrs West, I promise you. Dotty observed this tall and handsome man who, like a little boy punished, stared at the end of his shoes. His shoulders were sagging under a weight that was visibly too heavy, even for his frame wider than the norm. He clung to his daughter's coat like a shipwrecked man to a pierced buoy. After a long time, he handed the coat to Dotty, still without raising his head. She took the coat and as he turned away, she saw the tears of Lee Stetson flooding a tortured look full of regret. His mother's heart pressed to the sight of this wounded child. He moved away as quickly as his long legs permitted. Peculiar birdsong made him look up. Three doves had decided to offer them a joyful concert. Sighing, Dotty glanced at the beautiful silver sports car that did not start. She could not see the face of the man collapsed on his steering wheel but she could observe the spasms

48

shaking his shoulders. She closed it not having cast a last glance at the singing birds always very strong in its direction. Putting her daughter's coat on the islet, she noticed the letter sticking out of her pocket. "What should I do? Oh my darling, how I wish you were here! Our Panda is unhappy and I really don't know how to act?" She had the letter in her hand when she heard a slight knock at the kitchen window. How many times before had she pretended to ignore this noise? Turning around, expecting to see this stet… Sted … Simp… Lee , she was surprised to find that it was only one of the doves that pecked the glass. She lost herself in the clear gaze of the little animal. She then seemed to hear the voice of her dear husband who implored her to read this letter. Dotty approached the sink to wipe her tears, and found that the bird was still staring at her. She went out to see if the animal was not injured, the bird flew gently and approached so close that it grazed her shoulder. Then he flew away, pursued by the other two doves, so high in the sky that they seemed to disappear. A sudden gust of wind surprised her with words from nowhere: Dotty shook her head, wondering if she was really losing her mind. As he finished his third reading, Dotty was still overwhelmed by Lee's touching words. He preferred to rub shoulders with the KGB rather than unleash his emotions… So he worked well for the government, he was a spy! She understood better all her lies, her name changes, her various meetings with the feds, Mr Melrose, Mrs Desmond, IFF, her special schedules and unexpected trips. He recruited Amanda from a train station over three years ago— She remembered a party where her daughter had told her she was a spy, she hadn't really listened to her, thinking of a joke. Amanda and Lee were not liars, they were protecting their homeland at the risk of their lives. Oh my God, his little girl … They knew each other for a while, they had first become friends before being in love. Lee had told her it was her fault, he apparently felt guilty for dragging her down this path, but how did she find herself mixed up in this environment? The secret agent seemed to have had a particularly difficult life, nightmares, little love, he wanted more than a whole family… Yes, Lee Stetson was obviously a tormented man. That letter was very explicit; it told their story pretty well. And what a story, worthy of one of his favorite romance novels! This man loved his daughter and Amanda was crazy about him, it was an established fact. What she didn't understand was what had happened between them. Why did he claim to have lost it? forgotten? There were still shadows but she was determined to illuminate them. An hour later, Dotty was knocking at Lee's apartment, she had wasted no time, more determined than ever to bring this man back into the life of her daughter. Lee still couldn't believe serving coffee to Amanda's mother in her own living room. Dotty rested the cup which shook dangerously under the effect of her stress, she breathed deeply and launched

49

-Lee, I found the letter in Amanda's coat…and I didn't give it to her… In a sigh, he lowered his head fully understanding the actions of this mother who wanted nothing but to protect her daughter. -But I read it… Lee was shaken by all this. How could he not have anticipated this scenario. What exactly had she read, my God! What did she understand? He let his guard down to the point of making a serious professional mistake. Dotty watched Lee go through every shade of white imaginable and not imaginable. -Ho… This was all that could come out of his mouth and once the jaw was open he was unable to close the mouth. -Well, you are finally STETSON! A secret agent and you met Amanda more than three years ago on a rainy morning at the station." After the rain came the good weather… the rainbow… at the foot of it there was my daughter and paffff she dazzled you! But not that much! You didn't understand right away what treasure my Amanda was! You're missing a brain or something? So be it! You made her see all the colors of the same rainbow but my Amanda is stubborn, she ended up seeing the best of yourself and making herself loved by you. It's a gift to her, everyone loves her! even those who don't. Lee, you're drooling my dear, shut that mouth at last! You're not quite an eleven that way. -What happened, Lee, why are you two so unhappy? -I've ruined everything, it's the story of my life. All the people I approach too closely end up wrong, I'm a kind of curse. -Foolishness! Tell me how things got out of hand. You love my daughter, don't you?" -Oh yes, Madame West, more than anything. For once, Dotty said nothing. She simply took Lee's big hand in hers and pressed her a little hard. She tacitly encouraged him by diving into her beautiful, beautiful, beautiful eyes… hazelnuts? Then Lee told him everything he could tell him: their meeting, the accident, the amnesia, the flashbacks, the discovery of their relationship and especially how empty and unhappy he felt today. -I know I love Dotty, I've always known it, but I didn't know…you know? -I think so, rest a bit, boy. I'll talk to Amanda and give her your letter.

50

After Phillip and Jamie went to bed, Dotty made tea and invited her daughter to sit with her on the couch. She told him that Lee had come by today to return his coat. Her daughter kept her eyes down on her knees. Dotty knew that when she crossed her eyes, she would see the same wet emotions she had observed in Lee's eyes earlier. -Why didn't you call me mom? I stayed home all day. She finally looked up at her mother, they reflected exactly the mixture of pain and despair that Dotty expected. -Because at that moment, I judged that this man had done you enough harm, my dear, I sent him home as his own evil. -You did well, Mom, I never want to have anything to do with this individual again." Dotty then pulled the letter out of the pocket from his bathrobe under the frightened look of Amanda who remembered having put it in the coat forgotten at Lee's. What a competition quiche she made! -Tell me you didn't read it, Mom! It's very private, you can't have done it, you can't even have thought about it, can you? I wrote this letter to unload my emotions, I will burn it and forget this case once and for all. Oh my God, I hope he didn't find it, no, he would never search my pockets and even less read… -Amanda! cut Dotty off, stopping his rambling, I haven't read the letter you wrote for Lee. -Amanda breathed her relief until her mother took over. -Lee found it and read it. Amanda's jaw fell in amazement, several minutes passed. By finally asking his daughter to please close her mouth, Dotty thinks that these two really made a nice pair. Rage then replaced the surprise on her daughter's face, she began to scream and repeat endlessly that he was not allowed. Dotty then took her panda in her arms and cradled her for a long time, as she did when she was still a very little girl. A long time later, her tears finally dried up, Dotty resumed in a very sweet voice. -This is not your letter, my darling; this is Lee's reply to you after reading yours, and he came to give it to you. And yes, I read it … It was your father who advised me! -What? -You know I don't go a day without talking to him, I admit it's the first time he's answered me and I found it very strange at first but…

51

-Mom! Amanda unfolded the letter and began reading it, she heard Lee's voice as clearly as if he were reading. She reads it again and again until her mother takes it out of her hands. -I'm so sorry, Mom! Amanda was aware that Lee's explicit letter left no doubt about her work or her relationship with Lee. Dotty smiled tenderly, "I thought a lot, darling, you really had no other choice, I understand almost everything. I just don't understand how a simple mother can go to the station one morning and turn into a spy the next?" -Intelligence agent mom, that's a more appropriate term. -It's a synonym, Amanda, let's not play with words. Tell me how Lee chose you. -He didn't really choose me…It's because of the rain, picture you… And Amanda retraced their story from the first time to today. -What an incredible story, honey. How lucky was there for your two worlds to meet?" He didn't choose you, Amanda, he found you, you are old souls. You have a special and rare bond, I know, I had the chance to share it with your father. You two are stronger than anything, even death can't separate you. You just have to believe in your love and fight to preserve it. -Oh, mother, moaned, Amanda fell into her mother's arms. -Go, catch him and never let him go again! Dotty watched her daughter jump in her shoes and put on her coat over her long cotton nightgown. -Don't forget your sash, it's cold! -Okay, Mom." Chapter XIII To make old, to whiten the night To burn the light until day To passion and to madness I'll love you, I'll love you I'll love you farther than your dreams imagined I'll love you like no one dared to love you I will love you as I wish I had loved I'll love you, I'll love you

52

« je vais t'aimer »-Michel Sardou There was a crazy world near the docks, the urgency of the situation and the stress gave him cold sweats. How was he going to get out of that bad step this time? The guys who wanted the package as much as his skin were right on those heels. This dog time did not help, because in response to his internal complaints, the shower stopped. The sky even cleared a corner of sky sufficient to reveal a rainbow in the distance, very high in the sky. He had other worries than to marvel at a photometeor as beautiful as it is! He was not Don, for Chrissakes ! He was lost, his gaze irremediably drawn to the colored dome, he was destitute no one could do anything for him. They caught him from behind, he did his best to defend himself while protecting the package but it was in vain. He collapsed under the blows of his aggressors, his face against the ground but the gaze always turned and hypnotized by the rainbow. Feeling more alone than ever, in a last burst of energy he pushed back with all his might his attacker screaming his despair. Amanda was just behind the door when she heard suspicious noises. On her guard, she decided not to knock and used her own key. She entered as gently as possible and was relieved when she understood that it was only Lee who was obviously having a nightmare. She gently put one hand on her shoulder, the other gently stroking her forehead as she felt herself thrust to the other end of the room. The howl that accompanied his flight seemed to come from beyond the grave. He opened his eyes and what he saw finally awakened him quit. Amanda was curled up against the wall painfully rubbing her head. Oh my God, he had just knocked out the woman of his life!. When was he going to stop the rise of his stupidity? He helped her to get up and in front of her, holding her arms he was thrown into the past. An intense emotion invades him, preventing him from pronouncing the least word. It was exactly the same when he first saw it. Her beautiful big eyes looked at him a little worried, she wore her brown coat on her cotton nightgown and her plaid sash. After a moment he could not measure, he finally managed to tell her how sorry he was. How he felt lately to spend his time being sorry to be sorry. He had no excuse, he was just a ball, the worst ball. Amanda gradually regained her mind that apart from a bump everything would be fine. She had just been surprised and slightly stunned. Lee would not hear anything, he insisted that she rest while waiting to call the doctor. She negotiated hard, she agreed to lie down for a moment but she did not want a doctor.

53

Despite the voice that encouraged her, Amanda had no intention of waking up, this dream was far too magical! She was snugly seated in Lee's arms. He cradled her by whispering incredibly sweet words tirelessly. It was so hot, it smelled so good! Oh no, never, never in life it would awaken! Never mind if the boys miss school, she'll give them a word! -We must wake up, my angel. Lee began to worry seriously and wondered if it was safer to call the doctor. Even though she seemed to be sleeping quietly, he had been trying to wake her up for a while now. She seemed so good in his arms, he never tired of looking at her. How beautiful she was, so pure, so delicate, so charming little nose that made him crack, and this mouth… He bent down and touched her lips so gently that she could not help but frown her nose under the tickle. He started again, his actions producing the same effects, he smiled and began to suspect something. -Amanda, he insisted in a gentle voice, I would like to keep you always in my arms, but… -Agreed she blew so low that he was not sure he heard. He smiled and then picked up the only technique that seemed to work. He began by gently rubbing his lips against his for a long time. He then very delicately traced the contours of his mouth with the thumb, for a long time. God how pleasant it was! Still noticing no reaction, he then very slowly kissed each of his lips… for a long time, until he finally felt her respond to his mute request. Lee felt like he was living the most wonderful day of his life, for the first time, it seemed to him, he was finally in his place. He did not want to be anywhere but there, the woman he likes sheltered in the hollow of his arms. He understood what Dotty meant, this moment alone was worth living, nothing would ever erase what he felt. Oh no, nothing, heaven or even hell could keep him from remembering how he felt about that woman. They deepened their kiss, she was now officially awake. After a moment that seemed too short, he broke their kiss He broke their kiss under Amanda's moans of protest. He hugged her very tightly, spreading apologies and constantly repeating how stupid he was. He told her he didn't need to remember because he knew. Every part of her body and heart knew she was unique. -I love you, Amanda, I love you so much, I have always loved you and I will always love you. It's so strong that it terrifies me but I can't fight it. The idea of losing you destroys me to the point that unconsciously it did anything to me. I hate myself so much for forgetting a whole section of our relationship, but I never forgot how I feel about you. Never! -I will never let you go, Lee. I will always pursue you, even in the afterlife. You will never get rid of me. -You are me, Amanda; I am nothing without you. -You are me Lee Stetson for eternity.

54

He was always terribly afraid of not being up to the task, of not being able to protect her enough, but who would do it better then? He was aware that his life would be over if it disappeared but his life would stop anyway, if it was no longer part of it. Of course something could always happen, but they would have experienced incredible moments. Moments they would never forget. And then they would always end up in this life or another life, down here or in the afterlife. They were terribly lucky. Dotty looked at the blue numbers that lit the night 2H45. She smiled, turned around and finally let herself be carried away by sleep. His panda was safe, everything would be fine now. Amanda opened her eyes and took her time to observe the beautiful man sleeping in her arms. His head rested in the hollow of his neck and his arm was firmly wrapped around his waist. Gently, she stroked his arm until he slowly opened his eyes and the most beautiful smile in the world brightened the morning. -Hello you! -Hello you! Lee rolled on his back dragging Amanda with him, he would never let go of her again. She was so beautiful! Her big eyes smiled at her like no other had ever done and like no other would ever do again. He blew on the hair that swept her face and turned it again to kiss her tenderly. -What time is it? she asked in a voice still filled with sleep. -The time to love you my love, he replied, kissing her passionately this time. Too quickly to Lee's liking, she walked away, arguing that Billy was going to wait for them and that she absolutely had to call her mother to make sure she had taken over the boys. Lee tried to catch her, but she ran into the bathroom at lightning speed. Lee sighed frustration , he would have liked other plans... Amanda passed her head through the half-open door. -Lee, I completely forgot! I was in such a hurry to get here that I don't have any clothes. -Yeahhhhh…, made Lee a naughty smile on his lips. -Be serious, Buster! Hurry, I must go home. I will meet you at the agency. She rushed into the room, sent him a flying kiss and left the apartment dressed as she had come the day before. I definitely love this outfit whispered Lee for himself. Chapter XIV If one day, life takes you away from me

55

If you die, may you be far from me I don't care if you love me 'Cause I'll die too We will have for us eternity In the blue of all the immensity In the sky more problems God gathers those who love each other "L'hymne à l' » After seeing an absolutely radiant Lee pass, Madame Marston welcomed, as she expected, a dazzling Amanda. It was magical how the moods of those two were always connected. -Hello Ms. Marston, the password is… uh… heck! The password is … Vanghog? no uh… Amanda was confused, couldn't get back into that damn password. The older lady looked at the young woman blushing with confusion, nervously biting her lip. She apparently had to hurry this morning, her cheeks were red, her hair was more ruffled than usual and looking at her blouse, she saw that she had buttoned on Monday with Tuesday… How cute she was! -I'm really sorry, I don't remember it at all, I didn't have to pay attention to it when Mr. Melrose gave it to me. You know, the last few days have been crazy! oh, I know that's not an excuse and I'm not looking for an excuse, and I know that excuses don't work at all with you… Lee was in Billy's office when he became concerned that Amanda was not there yet. Lee looked at her watch and said aloud that she should not be late now. Billy smiled in the corner, saying that Lee seemed very aware of Mrs King's schedule. Lee grumbled, retorting that it was just a guess. Billy replied with a huge smile. . With a sudden hunch, Billy turned on the monitor that looked over Marston's desk. -I could bring you cake the next time I come, you know the chocolate and orange one you enjoyed so much. Oh! and above all don't imagine that I'm trying in any way to buy you right! Oh, no, Mom always says the advantage of being honest is that you don't have to remember what you said. It is true that since I work at the agency I often have to remember what I said. Too bad passwords aren't so honest, I guess I don't have to be all that honest… Amanda's long ramble was stopped by a shrill ringing. -Yes, sir, immediately, sir, the secretary passed the phone to an Amanda who was a little out of breath." -Beethoven, said Amanda in a timid little voice, returning the apparatus. -Happy man! said Madame Marston.

56

Amanda went to the elevator to ask for her rest. Billy and Lee laughed together, still amazed at Amanda's incredible breathing ability. -That's quite a number you pulled there, Scarecrow! said Billy, wiping a small tear, as he laughed so loudly. -It is! But I want to make it clear that you assigned her to me as a partner. -Probably one of my greatest inspirations! Lee smiles dreamy, and how! Amanda announced herself as she slowly entered the office. She looked terribly guilty and charming. He just wanted to tell her it wasn't a big deal, he wanted to hug her even more and kiss her. -Good morning sir, good morning Lee. I'm sorry sir- She was now looking at her shoes, fiddling with her medallion and waddling lightly. -No worries, Amanda, we all have a lot on our minds right now. By the way, if we took some time to go eat this lunch, it's me who delights! Amanda had been sorting files all morning. She had not seen Lee again who had an appointment with TP about the involvement of a former agent in a suspected treason case. She hoped he could be on time for dinner, she was already missing him a lot. A few minutes later, he called from the car saying that he was on the way back and that he would join them directly in front of the restaurant. Billy then took Amanda in his own car. He told his agent how happy he was with the change in atmosphere between the two. Lee was happy to see, too. Too bad the restaurant is so close, he would have liked to know more about this reversal of attitude. She quietly passed the car of Melrose who had found a place just in front of the restaurant, on the other side of the road. A twisted smile hung from her mouth, she looked at Stetson's car which was parked about ten meters away. You will not escape this time Madame King, you destroyed the life of my family, I will destroy yours and especially that of your beloved Scarecrow! Sonja slowly turned around not to attract attention. Amanda and Billy were about to cross when Billy headed back to his car. Too bad she would have killed two birds with one stone! No matter, Melrose wasn't his priority. The evil eye, she pressed hard on the accelerator. Alerted by the squeaking noise of gum on the tarmac, Amanda turned her head and stared in horror at the car rushing at her.

57

Everything then unfolded like a slow motion movie, the vehicle rushing on her, the voice of Lee screaming her name and her body so heavy that no longer answered her. This moment seemed to stretch endlessly… Suddenly everything froze, like when you press pause on the VCR. Amanda could move her head and see the fear on Billy and Lee's faces. She could not speak or move any part other than her head. She tried to distinguish the driver from the car which was now only a few meters away. Concentrating she recognized the long dark hair and piercing eyes of Sonja Chenko! Alexei Makarov's little girl! Lord, Amanda, this is a real vendetta! A song of murky birds made him raise his head towards the sky, three doves were the only moving elements of his world, they seemed to play to continue. Amanda felt soothed as she watched the birds play, she must have been dead by now. Yes, there was no other explanation. Was it that being dead? Wandering in the midst of frozen time, but for how long since time no longer existed? Maybe I will find Dad and Grandma, she thought, a happier feeling gave way for a moment to terror. And then she looked again at the face of the man she loved, there were no words to describe how devastated he seemed. She also thought of her mother and her beloved sons. She returned to the face of the great and handsome man she had come to know so well. Oh my God, protect Lee, please, give him the strength to continue. Suddenly, the world started moving again but in slow motion this time. She saw the birds passing in front of the windshield as well as the vaguely surprised air of the driver. The car made a very slight gap, imperceptible for Billy and Lee who were helpless at the scene. Amanda watched the birds continue their game. They seemed to be chasing a lost truck hubcap down the street from the nearby crossroads. The birds stopped, circling around Amanda as the hubcap was perfectly jammed between the rim and the left front wheel of Sonja's vehicle. She heard the sound of the brakes, admired the slow waltz of the car whirling across the road. She watched her hit a dumpster in a spade on the opposite sidewalk, went up in the air and fell as slowly and lightly as a feather. Amanda wondered if she would have to spend part of eternity with Sonja. Oh my God, a part of infinity must still be long! A part implied an end, what was it then? Was Lee going to join her? But if time could no longer be measured… She realized that even when she was dead, she was still wandering! The car then slid very gently towards her and Amanda closed her eyes. She was on the dock, a very handsome man grabbed her arm and begged her to help her. She hesitated for a moment, then, plunging into his eyes, told him in a breath that she was ready to walk with him until the end of time. Their eyes hung while their souls reconnected. Billy finally opened his eyes, which he had kept closed since he had seen the vehicle run into his agent. It must have lasted a maximum of five seconds, the longest seconds of his life. He

58

stared at the sidewalk, not daring to look down the street. He breathed hard and forced himself to find the courage to face the scene that he had become horrible. These two friends were once again lying on the ground, Amanda was in a safe lateral position, Lee standing last her, in a spoon. There was no trace of blood, the car was on the roof, wrapped around a street lamp. Billy called for help and then sat down on the sidewalk holding his head. Lee stood all against Amanda an arm wrapped around her so that he could feel the beating of his heart, his hand resting delicately on his chest. She was unconscious but her heart was beating regularly and she seemed to breathe without difficulty. He closed his eyes and the film of his last three years challenged in an extremely clear way in his mind. Since that first time he saw Amanda at the station on the horrible day Elena had pointed her gun at her, leaving her a priori no chance. Decidedly, to believe that death itself had fallen under the yoke of Amanda King. First the weapon that gets stuck, then this hubcap from nowhere. -I remember my love…I remember everything, I'm so sorry. Billy knelt beside him and gently asked him to get up and accompany him so that the paramedics could do their job. He squeezed Amanda harder against him with the irrational feeling that if he let her go his heart might stop. Police officers arrived at the scene and grabbed his arms to lift him up, he could no longer breathe… He then noticed three white birds lying on the ground near Amanda, not seeming at all frightened by the bustle of the moment. While Billy put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, Amanda was taken on the stretcher. Lee, still perfectly still, looked at the doves with fascination. When the ambulance started, the birds flew away together, circling Lee and Billy for a few moments before flying high into the sky. Chapter XV You and I Two hearts that merge On the threshold of infinity Away from the rest of the world

59

Panting and submissive "Toi et moi"- C-Aznavour They jumped from their seats like two clowns out of their box when the swing doors finally opened. The doctor stopped and smiled at them. Billy Melrose started breathing again and Lee Stetson fainted. His large body fell softly, like a rag doll and in a thud, his head banged the corner of the cast iron radiator. The despondent section chief looked once more at his agent lying on the ground. Blood flowed from Lee's head, blushing the immaculate ground. The doctor called for backup and Lee was taken on a stretcher to the suture room. He suddenly opened his eyes and jumped out of bed, a vertigo made him land directly in Billy's arms. This one pushed him suddenly on the bed screaming. -Scarecrow, that's ENOUGH now You are killing me and your partner! I ORDER you to stop your bullshit IMMEDIATELY! I survived the worst terrorists, the poisonings, the hostage-taking, the KGB… You will not get my skin! You hear me Scarecrow! YOU WON'T GET MY SKIN! IN BED! AND RIGHT AWAY! Lee went back to bed without flinching before begging in a tiny voice: -I must see her, Billy; I remember everything, absolutely everything! -Since your wild encounter with the radiator? If I had known that it was enough to hit you on the head, I would have knocked you out myself!" -No, ever since I saw Sonja run straight at her, it all came back to me. I was king of the Billy idiots! You're my best friend, I have to tell you something… -Let me guess, you love Amanda and your relationship has been going beyond friendship for a while. -Did you know? stammered Lee, but since when? -I knew it before you, stuffed head!" I saw at first glance that she was different and that she was absolutely all you needed. I was just wondering if you'd have enough brains to figure it out. I immediately saw that Amanda was incredibly brave and it took a lot of courage to support you at the time. -Oh, Lord Billy, I made him relive this, I was simply disgusting. -It's been complicated for both of you. Now, please love and let me breathe. Jesus, my friend, you really exhausted me on this one! Billy approached the window, looking at the cloudless sky for a moment, and turned around with a smile. Lee- he froze on the spot not believing his eyes. The bed was empty and the

60

door of the room wide open. He would never resist these two, his resistance had reached its limits. After wandering the hallways in hospital robes, unhesitatingly exposing his muscular hindquarters and then threatening to kill the young intern who had the misfortune to cross him in the hallways, he had finally found Amanda's room. He opened the door gently his heart was beating so hard that he was breathless. He stopped right after passing the door and looked at it for a long time. She was pale but seemed to sleep peacefully, he was reassured to see no machine around her or any apparent injury, it was a real miracle. She was beautiful, certainly the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. He looked at her as if to record this precious moment forever. She was fine, they were fine! Of course, he would still sometimes be afraid of losing her but without taking risks, all we risk is not not to live. Every moment of life with Amanda would be precious, he swore it. -Hello, big guy, you plan to stand there, like a leek, for a long time to come? His voice was hoarse and low, it was the most beautiful melody he had ever heard. Oh my God Lee, are you hurt? What happened to you? -A head-to-head with a loose radiator…it doesn't matter, I'm fine, just a few stitches. He turned to show her the back of his head. Amanda looked at him stunned… -Lee, what is this blouse that's too small? You couldn't get out like that! Look at you, she's just closed at neck level! She was laughing. How good it was to hear him laugh! Lee blinked, releasing a solitary tear that slid slowly along his cheek. He finally approached, sat down in the armchair near the bed and took his hand. -Amanda, I promise you ... that I will never forget you again. I promise you, in the future, to remember every detail: like your dedication to my sick fish! I will always remember your transparent cotton nightgown, the beautiful blue Victoria Greenwich dress and your unlikely HOT MAMAN tee. I want to remember the giant panda I chose right from the start just for you. And also that ugly duck that almost made me lose my mind and probably my oldest friend. I will always have in mind our trips to Europe and your incredible way of disarming a bomb like you fix the dishwasher, shaking the blue thread! I want to remember this Christmas Eve or whatever, you raised the white flag to get Russians and Americans singing together. I will always remember how beautiful you were in that wedding dress, even if it was for one of our blankets. I still want to remember never eating chicken salad sandwiches again. I want to remember every time you drove me mad with jealousy like that day that poor guy almost ate his damn friendship ring. And also all the times I almost kissed you and especially the first time I told you I love you and…

61

-Lee, Lee, please, breathe!" interrupted Amanda in a sob. So you really remember? -With all my love, absolutely everything! From the moment I saw that car rush at you. He tenderly wiped the tears that flowed abundantly on Amanda's cheeks and kissed her gently, savoring once again her rediscovered happiness. -Lee it was so strange, it seemed to last forever, and how incredibly lucky I have been in all this. -What incredible luck WE had my heart! Exhausted by so many emotions, Lee climbed onto the bed and she snuggled up against him. They did not hear the door open, sleep had overcome them. Billy was looking at his agents once again unconscious, but this time at least they were safe. -Did I miss something important with these two? asked Francine, shocked. This Scarecrow is still unbearable, he needs them all! Poor Amanda, she already looks at him as if he were the 9th wonder of the world! How do you want her to make it if she's like that with her... She's going to be good at scooping after that. She shouldn't say I didn't warn her! Frankly Billy could you imagine for a second that this midnight hiker would be interested in Amanda King? Billy grumbled at his friends with tenderness. -Oh, but I immediately imagined Francine. I sort of played the role of fairy godmother in this story. While the pretty blonde looked at her boss looking more than surprised, Lee mumbled without even opening his eyes: -You will have to do much more than imagine, Francine, I have her and I will never let go of her again. -Lee, I mean, we both know she's not your kind of woman at all, come on! Say Francine whispering. -Put the story back to Francine, it is all the others who were not my kind of women and I have always been fully aware of it. He tightened his embrace further and kissed the top of his beloved's head. -Lee, at last! said his colleague. You get tired of women faster than your new shirts. You are a loner, you are ... Scarecrow! -I was, I lived without a brain for a very long time, but I became Lee again, thanks to the most patient and wonderful woman in the universe. Francine, I love her with a true love. I can only wish you one day to meet the special person who will be your half or your whole. Now I'd like to rest a little if you don't mind. An extremely happy Billy took a totally stunned Francine to the exit.

62

He felt her move gently and kissed her hair again, breathing happily the unique scent of her Amanda. -My Sleeping beauty, you just missed Billy and Francine, said Lee, smiling. -I didn't miss anything at all, dear Prince, but you won a free game of Backgammon. -First you cheat by pretending to sleep, and then you're a small player? One free game? I… Amanda interrupted him, tipped him on his back and kissed him passionately. Completely forgetting that they were in a hospital bed, Lee responded fervently to his kisses until Elisabeth, a nurse of her canton for nearly five decades, opened the door greeting them with a thunderous "Oh my God!". Lee jumped out of bed, making excuses, while Elisabeth repeated an even more smashing «Oh my God» by discovering Lee's anatomy completely uncovered. Blushing like a crayfish in the broth, he pulled on his blouse to try in vain to regain a semblance of dignity. Amanda, as embarrassed and red as she kept her head down, preferring to die rather than cross the gaze of the caregiver. In a deafening silence, Elisabeth, the disillusioned look took note of Amanda's constants. -Well, Madame King! Apart from, of course, the heartbeat which at 144/minutes is more Carl Lewis than a young woman in bed needing rest. You will immediately return to your room young man! Lee obeyed without flinching, he sent a flying kiss to Amanda and disappeared without asking for her rest. Of course, it wouldn't have been difficult enough if he hadn't met Francine and Billy in the hallway. -Scarercrow ! May I ask why my best officer is flapping his ass in the hallway of this hospital? Yelled his section leader. -Don't be afraid of Billy, said Francine, choking on laughter, he won't get lost again. I'll protect his back! Lee went back to bed without asking for his rest, tomorrow they would both go out and in the meantime he would dream of his Amanda. Epilogue Somewhere over the rainbow Skies are blue And the dreams that your dare to dream Really do come true "Over the rainbow"-Judy Garland

63

Lee was a little uncomfortable despite the welcome worthy of a king that the family had prepared for him. He was sitting between Philip and Jamie, Dotty was facing him and Amanda seemed like miles away. It was the third piece of cake he dared not refuse. After the gargantuan meal he had ingested, his trouser button threatened to let go, just like his zygomatic contracted to the extreme for too long. His ears buzzed under the impressive flow of words from the four people around him. All this added to the extreme stress of the situation, he felt the beginning of a migraine. Amanda smiles at him, an incredible smile for this incredible man and for the fact that he can be part of his life. She knew him very well now and knew how difficult the moment was for him. She knew that he was fighting her fears only out of love for her. She had watched him all afternoon and was very proud of him. He answered with a smile the 2 347 more or less embarrassing questions of the boys. Oh, it wasn't just an eleven on a ladder, it was the must of the elevators of the highest tower in the world. Discreetly observing the family scene from the window, they congratulated themselves for carrying out their mission. -I don't think the big boss is going to share our joy! We were strong this time. You know the house policy… -As little intervention as possible, yes, we know Carl. -We may well lose some feathers this time, said his friend laughing. -It was for the best of causes, added Jennifer, looking tenderly at Matthew. Lee thanked Amanda for her brilliant idea of going out for some fresh air while her mother and the boys were doing the dishes. Passing in front of the shelf he noticed, the two small scarecrows in fruit paste, well sheltered under a glass bel. -The city of emerald, he murmured, "I kept those that Kevin gave me for you when I went back to get my tie, said he, moved. -It was a wonderful evening, Lee, I'm so glad you remember. We will have to go back, and only with me eh big guy! she added mockingly. -And how so! In this regard, Amanda, I want you to know that I am terribly ashamed of the way I have behaved, I… -chuuut, it all ends well, Lee. What more can I ask? He gently took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. -Nothing ends, everything starts and it will last forever, I love you, Amanda. -I love you Lee and still doesn't seem long enough. After a last glance at this new family under construction, the three friends flew happily towards the horizon.

64

-Oh Lee, look how beautiful these turtledoves are! I am sure they bring good luck. Lee contemplated the birds becoming smaller and smaller as Amanda picked up three beautiful white feathers at her feet. -Look, she said joyfully, they left us a memory! -I'll have to tell you some anecdotes about these birds, said Lee, helping Amanda get up. He tenderly took a perplexed Amanda in his arms. Looking out the window, they saw the boys happily conversing with Dotty. He had finally found his family and he intended to do everything possible to preserve it. Lee grew his reflection in the glass and this time he was fully satisfied. -I love you so much, Amanda, and for so long. -And I love you at least as much, Lee Stetson. And for himself, Lee mentally added, "Thank you Dad, thank you Mom! Thanks Carl and don't worry about your panda, it's in good hands."