Chapter 12
Merry Christmas, everyone! This is my present from me to you! Have a happy new year!
Cookies took much longer to make than Jason had anticipated, and after swimming for so long, they were both hungry. However, they were able to make no bake chocolate cookies, so those finished faster than if they'd had to use an oven. However, they still had to wait for the things to cool. Impatient, Jason decided to at least start a movie while they waited. He set some options before Dick.
"Have you ever seen a movie before?"
"Sometimes Daddy watches stuff on TV, but I never watch anything."
"Well then this will be even more fun for you. Now, this one is about an ice princess (it's called Frozen), this one is about a deer and his buddies (Bambi), and this one is about a pretty girl and a giant fuzzy monster thing (that's Beauty and the Beast). It's not that scary though." Well, at least Jason thought Dick wouldn't find it scary.
"I want to watch what you want."
"Well what I want to watch is what you want to watch."
"..."
Jason nodded seriously.
"Making me happy makes you happy?" Dick immediately flinched so hard at his own words, that Jason almost worried about him having a seizure. The boy suddenly seemed drawn into his own thoughts, and Jason suddenly knew that even without a knife or poker, Dick was still capable of devising the cruelest punishments for himself. Punishments that tore at his heart and soul in agony until he no longer understood the meaning of a gentle touch.
"Yes, Dick. Making you happy makes me happy." Well, maybe that wasn't how things worked back home (pranking Dick made Jason happy), but it was true here.
"I'm not worth it, Jason."
"That's not true. You're very special, and you're worth the world. Now pick a movie."
Dick looked like he wanted to argue, but compliance was too ingrained in his nature. Even when everything he knew seemed to be turned backwards. He'd figure this out later. "May I have the one with the ice princess, please?"
"Frozen, good choice." Jason popped in the CD, and thought back to what Dick (the older) did on movie night with Damian. Sprawling in the couch, he wrapped an arm around the smaller body and pulled it close. Dick started in overjoyed surprise (he always did when touched, but Jason didn't like to think about that), and snuggled into Jason's warm, solid body.
Dick was soon thoroughly enjoying the movie, and while Jason told himself he was far too old for magic princesses whose problems were solved through song, he could at least admit that he was getting second hand enjoyment through Dick. (And maybe he kind of liked the movie too, but would kill anyone who knew it.)
Dick, for his part, having preplanned reassurances from Jason, bounced happily in his seat, giggling at the adorable child and reindeer, and happily trying to sing along. He'd shot Jason some concerned looks at his own boldness, but Jason had seemed happy.
Dick had sat in rapt attention as Anna was ice struck for the first time, had gasped in horror as Elsa lost control, and hit multiple wrong notes on 'Let it go'. Jason had deemed the entire thing adorable. By the end, Jason thought Dick was sure to be more exhausted than he had been after swimming, on account of the intense emotional reactions he'd had throughout the entire movie.
Sure enough, once the credits started, Dick collapsed boneless on the couch from his previous position of muscle tensed excitement at the beautiful love story playing out before his eyes. Gasping, Dick rolled his eyes upward to stare at Jason.
"That was the best thing of my entire life."
Jason grinned, and hoped that wasn't true. "Well guess what we forgot? The cookies!"
A look of horror took over Dick' face, but Jason stopped him. "It's okay; no sorries. They'll be more cooled down now anyway. Let's go eat some, huh?"
Dick nodded his approval, and the pair moved down the hallway.
"What was your favorite part of the movie, kid?"
Dick thought about it. "I… I liked where Elsa was singing, and making the ice castle. It was really pretty." Dick glanced up at Jason to ensure he'd said the right thing. Jason smiled.
"That was nice, wasn't it? I think my favorite part was where they meet Olaf."
"Oh, that part's best." Dick agreed quickly, shrinking in on himself immediately.
"No, no, Dickie, that's not how favorites work. I have a favorite, and you have a favorite, and it's okay if they're different. I mean, how boring would life be if everyone liked the same things?" Jason almost added that one wouldn't be able to punch bad guys in the face as much, but then realized little Dick didn't know about his nightlife.
"So, my favorite should always be not yours?"
"No, not that either. I mean, it's cool when two people's favorite is the same thing, and they have that in common. So you should just always let your favorite be your favorite, no matter what other people think. Things are better that way."
"I should ignore laws and stuff?" Dick's eyes were wide, and he looked quite disturbed.
"No, no, it doesn't work like that." Jason tried to make sure he didn't sound at all annoyed: Dick wouldn't take it well. "You can have opinions and stuff but…" Jason was saved from having to make philosophical statements by entering the kitchen.
"Aw, here we are, we'll just have to bring it up later." Jason made a mental note to distract Dick later. "You ready for cookies, squirt?"
"Uh, huh. What's a squirt? I don't squirt water, unless I'm rinsing my mouth after brushing my teeth or something."
"It's just a nickname for little kids." Jason ruffled Dick's hair. "Now where are the plates…"
Jason had been talking to himself, but Dick responded anyway. "Third cupboard from the door, second shelf."
"Thanks, Dick." Jason pulled a couple plates from the shelf and handed one to Dick. You can have six, don't spoil your supper." Six was probably too many. Those cookies were about half the size of Dick's fist; surely Dick wouldn't be hungry after that. The eight year old was a scrawny little thing. Jason wasn't used to cookie rationing. When he made cookies (very rare) he ate them all at once.
But he remembered Alfred saying stuff about spoiling supper. But how many cookies amounted to spoiling? And anyway, having all those delicious cookies right there, and not having at least six seemed like a punishment. Why leave them lying around?
Jason was probably not good at being a responsible adult.
"Jason, I'm not going to eat any."
Oh, boy, this again? What hadn't 'Daddy' done to this kid? "Of course you're going to eat them. You helped make 'em after all. Besides, you're the kid here. If anyone doesn't eat them it's me, the adult. I think that's how things work anyway… don't tell anyone if I'm not a very good adult and eat too many."
Jason gave Dick a conspiratorial wink, hoping that the kid would ease up a bit if he felt like he and Jason were a team against something. Dick still looked unconvinced, though.
"You can have them, I'm not worth it."
Jason felt his blood boil. No child should ever turn down cookies because they thought they were inferior. "Dick, that isn't true. You are special; you are not worthless. Don't ever tell yourself that you're worthless again. I care about you. Now we are going to eat delicious cookies, and no amount of evil brainwashing can stop us."
Dick looked like he didn't understand at all, but he gathered six of the cookies, and stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen. Jason grabbed his cookies (six; if Dick were anyone else he'd take way more, but Dick could only take that as confirmation of his non-worth-cookieness) and hopped up onto the counter, motioning for Dick to join him.
"Hop on up, kiddo."
Dick did so hesitantly, obviously not allowed to do this back home.
"All right, now I'm gonna need to be takin' care of you till we get you home, right?"
"Right. I'm sorry…"
"Nope! You don't need to be sorry; this isn't your fault. In fact, one of my very wise adult judgments is that you are super special, and you're very good at doing good things. And I don't think you need to say sorry as much as you do. In fact, new rule. No more saying sorry for stuff. Ever. At all." Jason considered this rule to be brilliant. However, the kid looked so confused, and so thrown off.
Jason knew he should expect this: in fact it was probably good. But could he really afford to snatch away everything Dickie bird knew so quickly? What if the kid had a mental breakdown? As much as Jason hated to admit it, he might have to go a bit slower. Maybe this wasn't the best thing to do. Or maybe he should force out everything all at once; not let anything take root.
Jason was no psychologist. He didn't know which was better. But he couldn't take the risk, not with stakes this high. He supposed he could grant some leeway.
"Well, alright. You can say sorry if you break a rule I say. By the way, do you like the cookies?"
Dick looked hopelessly confused at the changes in conversation, but focused on the question. "I like the cookies very much."
"That's good. We should make cookies more often. But for now…" Jason glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. "It's like, 9:00, and that's probably about an hour past your bedtime." Kids had 8:00 bedtimes, right? They did in the movies and books. Maybe Jason would be able to get some research done while Dick slept. Nothing could go wrong while sleeping, right?
"Hey, do you have nightmares?"
"I don't know what nightmares are." Jason heard the barely restrained sorry.
"That's okay. Not knowing things is okay." Except that went against everything Jason had learned from the streets to Batman. "Nightmares are dreams that make you feel scared, or sad."
"Oh. Then I always have those. Daddy gives them to me."
"You have nightmares about your Daddy?"
"Yes, the other people, the ones I'm not allowed to see? They come in and tell me Daddy's a bad man. And then they take me away from him, and put Daddy in jail where bad people go. It's so scary… I hate it. I'm always so scared, and sad… but then I see Daddy in the morning and I'm happy again, because he still has me."
Dick sniffled, at a sudden realization. "But now when I wake up in the morning, after the dream, Daddy won't be there anymore, and I know you didn't take him away, Jason, but I want Daddy. I love him."
Jason was always surprised at the new levels at which Bruce could surprise and disappoint him. Apparently it was a trait 'Daddy' shared. Planting the same nightmare in the child's brain every night… obviously offering no comfort for the plagued little boy. It was an effective strategy. Dick would latch onto him after every nightmare, wanting confirmation that he was real.
And if anyone told him how evil Daddy really was… he would immediately associate it with the terror of the nightmares. Jason and Bruce had always had at least a touchy relationship. Jason hated 'Daddy' with a burning passion that would probably reduce the man to dust.
Jason wondered how he could turn this situation around.
"Hey, Dickie, I have an idea. Why don't you sleep with me?"
"Sleep with you?" Dick's confused, wondering eyes stared up at Jason, wide and disbelieving.
"Yeah! I'll make the nightmares feel better, and it's like, extra snuggle time. Double bonus." Jason's voice dropped to a whisper, and he moved close to Dick's ear. "In the business world that's a good thing."
"Oh." Dick whispered back, looking hyper and excited. "I think that's great, then. Why are we whispering?"
"Because whispering is fun."
Dick giggled, ducking his head to peer up at Jason from behind falling bangs. "I like whispering too. We have that in common."
Jason full on grinned, and even even let out a laugh he couldn't contain. "That's because we're both awesome. But we need to charge our awesomeness by sleeping now. We'll use other me's room. It's mine, anyway."
A very slight moment of confusion passed through Dick's eyes before it was banished, and Dick pushed all confusion aside.
"Don't we need to brush our teeth first?"
"Yeah, I think I know where Alfred keeps the toothbrushes. Come along, then." The two totally awesome brothers made their way to the spare toothbrushes, and then to Jason's bedroom (Dick made a detour to borrow Damian's pajamas).
Jason hopped into the bed and pulled the covers back, reaching out to pull Dick into his arms. Thinking back, he remembered being Robin, and having the very occasional sleepover with his older brother. Remembering what Dick would do for him, Jason spooned his body around Dick's smaller one, covering as much of the smaller boy as he could.
Dick smiled brightly, and shivered, unused to such beautiful contact. Jason reached up to stroke the boy's cheekbone, murmuring sweet nothings into his ear. Dick's smile grew brighter, even as he let himself succumb to sleep. Jason tried to think of all the ways he could tell Dick he was special and wanted, and as he did he tried as hard as he could to use his calloused fingers to sooth over a little boys face.
At some point during the night, Jason realized that he wasn't getting any research done. Oh well. Who needed research when you could do some solid field work?
Dick gave the most adorable yawn in the history of ever, high pitched and vulnerable. He stretched a bit and tried to snuggle further into Jason's warm body; smile on his face slowly dimming until it was only a satisfied twitch of his lips. He let out a sigh and settled back into Jason's stomach and chest. His eyes gave one final flutter before he lapsed into sleep; soft steady breaths audible in the near silent room.
Jason's eyes softened at the peace and innocence on the child's face. Dick didn't know how he'd been wronged, and he didn't know what should've been done to make things right. He was depending on Jason for all that. He needed Jason to save him from his own demons, and to give him an actual family. He needed Jason for so much…
Jason was used to people depending on him. After all, as Robin he'd been a vigilante, and even as an Outlaw he'd still saved people. But this… this was different. Dick was vulnerable in a way Jason couldn't shoot, punch, or blow up. But… maybe he was vulnerable in exactly the right way to pull out parts of Jason long buried. Maybe the compassion, pushed aside since the Joker and crowbar, the love and caring… maybe it could come back. Maybe Dick would heal him in exactly the right ways to bring back everything Bruce had seen so long ago in the dirty thief who tried to steal his tires. Maybe… maybe it would be alright.