Disclaimer: I do not in any way own Naruto; that honour is Masashi Kishimoto's.
Tsunade later that day visited the knucklehead Ninja in his apartment accompanied by Shikamaru unlike ever before their conversations were one-word questions and answers
Shikamaru just couldn't let go of Naruto not yet, it was too Dame troublesome
Tsunade spoke for a while about what's happened since Naruto's been out, and then, once that topic dwindles, Tsunade fixes Naruto with a knowing stare. Something's been off with him all day. "Naruto…how are you feeling?" Before he can answer incorrectly, she clarifies, "And I don't just mean physically."
He closes his mouth, and somehow, seeing his bright blue eyes go dark and dull and fall victim to the devastation he's feeling hurts more than just about anything. Shikamaru watches him closely, but it's never overbearing. Just concerned and protective, steady and warm. "Granny…" Naruto's voice is like it was yesterday, almost devoid of emotion, and yet it's different, too, so full and resigned at the same time, "…can I ask you something? It's personal, and it might hurt…and I don't want that, but…" he glares downward, curling a fist, "…I need to know..."
Her gaze never leaves him, and after a moment or two, she nods. "All right. What is it, Naruto?"
He hesitates for a moment before turning back to her, looking her right in the eyes. "How…how did you let go of Orochimaru? How did you deal with it?"
Tsunade's eyes blow open wide, her face loses all colour, and she squeezes her hands white in an attempt to keep her temper in check. She looks like she's doing her damnedest to glare a hole in the wall. "Why the hell are you asking about that all of a sudden?"
"Because…" He falters, gaze falling and expression with it. Maybe…maybe he shouldn't… He doesn't want to reopen this wound for her. It's…if it's this painful for him and he's just starting…
"I dismissed him from my mind and moved on." Naruto snaps up, eyes wide. Those are…! "Jiraiya's words, yes. When Orochimaru abandoned us and the village, I was angry and hurt, and I wanted to give up, but something in me held out the smallest bit of hope. Jiraiya was different. He was the 'you' of our team, let's say. He wanted to fully believe in the friend we'd grown up with and always had every hope that he could convince him to come back to us. He tried time and time again to bring Orochimaru back, gave years of his life to that cause, and he had to learn the hard way that that just wasn't going to happen. He was lucky to escape with his life." She sighs. This is hard to talk about. She hasn't in a long, long time for just that reason. "In the end…he was the one who finally got me to snuff out that last bit of hope before it dragged me under completely. That was the advice he gave me, and…it did the trick. It didn't make it magically easier to get up every day and face the world head-on, but…it helped. It's what's gotten me to where I am now."
A heartbeat, and then, "Now, are you going to tell me what this is all about?"
His heart shudders at the idea of actually saying it out loud, but…it's only fair. He has to be strong, for himself and his friends' sake. "I'm…" she looks back at him at the tremor in his voice, not missing the way his good hand trembles; Shikamaru listens as his life depends on it, "…it's… I…" his fist curls so tightly, his knuckles crack; he knew this would be hard to say, but he didn't think it would be this difficult, "…I give up on Sauske…"
The next several moments are so tense, they can be cut with a knife.
"Naruto…what are you talking about?" Tsunade asks carefully, eyes narrowing. "Where is this coming from?"
"I had a conversation with Pervy-sage about Sasuke yesterday. A bad one. Shikamaru can tell you." He nods toward Shikamaru, and Shikamaru nods solemnly when Tsunade looks at him to confirm. "After that, this morning, I thought about...about Pervy Sage and Orochimaru," she winces at the nickname, "about what he said to me after Sasuke did this to me." He lifts his busted hand for emphasis, a bitter smile playing. "And I've been thinking on it a lot, hours and hours, and…I think I finally understand."
"Understand what?" Shikamaru asks softly, patient and calm despite his surprise. With Naruto's stubbornness, how he's acted about Sasuke since he woke up, and especially after his breakdown earlier, he figured his decision would be something like this. But anticipating something and hearing it in reality are two very different things.
"Sasuke's…never cared about me. All he's ever cared about is getting revenge on Itachi, and I've only ever been in the way of that, he's still…" He's pretty sure this is the hardest thing he's ever had to say in his life. The words are lodging in his throat, threatening to choke him. He does his best to breathe through it. He doesn't want them to burst out in an ugly rush. "I can't…keep giving all of myself to someone who can't be saved." He breathes a laugh, but it's mirthless and sad and so damn hurt, and that and the way his eyes swim make his friends' hearts twist painfully. "He's a lost cause, a-and I—I know that now. Hell, look at me…" The smile on his face is as broken as his laugh, and he's not surprised when a few tears start down his cheeks. He has to close his eyes and purse his lips tightly as more tears sting and fall.
His shoulders quake. "I was alone for so long…but I'm not anymore. I have so many people in this village…and even in the Sand…I'm lucky enough to call my friends. They support and love me, no matter what…even when I screw up. They're precious to me. I…I want to protect them…and show them the same care and love they've shown me…more than anything else in the world…" A few sobs escape he can't hope to keep back. He's never told anyone this next part before. "They…they saved me..."
Shikamaru's heart beats like a drum in his chest. He always knew they were important to Naruto. He'd be the biggest idiot on the face of the planet if he didn't know that. But somehow, hearing how deep that gratitude and devotion go.
Naruto swallows thickly, working to rein himself in. "I-I want…to focus on them, on the ones who love me for me and would never hurt me like he has…on—on loving myself enough to let him go and move on." Wiping his eyes and face, he looks at them again. They burn with blue fire, and the smile he gives them is strong and hopeful and never-say-die. "I know I deserve that much, at least. I deserve something, damn it."
No, Naruto… they can't help but think. You deserve everything.
"And if I can have you and all of them?" he closes softly. "Then I have everything I'll ever need," he pats his heart, "right here."
A heartbeat, two, three, and then Tsunade smiles, wiping her own eyes. "Like master, like student, I see." She reaches forward to ruffle his hair feather-lightly, not wanting to hurt him. He laughs and leans into her touch anyway, pain be damned. "I'm so proud of you, Naruto."
Naruto beams toothily. "Thanks, Granny!"
Shikamaru, for his part his whole body sagging with the force of his relief. Looking back at Naruto, there's a gentle smile on his face. "I...no we are going to hunt him down," he clenches a fist lightly, fighting the urge to grit his teeth, "especially after everything he's done to you. That said," he sighs again, shorter and lighter this time, smile growing, "I'm proud of you, too, and I'm happy for you." He softens. "You deserve to be happy, Naruto, and I think this is the best way to start."
Naruto smiled sadly. "Thanks, Shikamaru! And sorry about earlier!"
Tsunade was about to leave as Naruto interrupted her journey
"G...Granny can I ask you a favor,"
Tsunade didn't know what the blond could want as she replied "Sure brat, anything,"
"In five days Pervy-sage is taking me on a training trip, I h...have accepted his proposal c...can you please explain this to Sakura after I leave I can't possibly face her," he said as he looked down at his knees
"Brighten up brat, I have taken Sakura as my apprentice I will beat the fan-girl out of her," she said as she gave a Naruto Grin