Chapter 25: Startling to Realise

-?M?-?M?-?M?-

All the greatest military tacticians of history could not have anticipated this, Alexander the Great, Napoleon, and Sun Tzu would have torn up their notes on battle strategy in a blind fury.

The world's finest chess masters would have flipped their boards like they were in a particularly emotional game of Monopoly. How could anyone have predicted such a move?

Giant guinea pig takes ninja.

Guinea pig rider loses grip and flies twenty feet into stone wall.

Ninjas panic.

Superhero teens with amnesia enter stage left.

It was pure chaos. But when Wally West sped in as nothing more than a distorted blur, and several arrows flew in to follow him, it became clear which way the tables were turning. Robin crouched atop an upper balcony, sighted a detached foe, and loosed several flash-bang discs at the cowled and black-clad figure. Leaping to the side and kicking off the wall, Robin reoriented his momentum and turned what would have been a painful fall into a dead-angle tackle. He hit another one of the guards in the back and subsequently delivered a front-flip kick to the side of the head.

Looking up, the Boy Wonder saw the other enemies similarly dealt with, Wally having literally run rings around two of them, and Artemis' arrows having done the rest. Mysterion was still picking himself up from a wild ride, which left only their new furry friend.

It stood in the middle of the antechamber, eyeing them all hungrily. Such mass in a creature that had showed such energy and speed was terrifying, even if most of that mass was fur. The big bulk of fluff crouched in the centre of them, its beady red eyes fixed on their one-armed mystery man. Saliva dripping from its surgically sharp fangs, it wrinkled its adorable nose and looked ready to pounce.

"Stop!"

A voice reverberated through Robin's mind, a young woman's voice echoing off the inside of his head, like he was listening to it through earphones. Despite it not having a presence in the physical space they were in, the voice did seem to catch the attention of everyone else in the room, even the guinea pig.

A flutter of dark blue descended from the upper balconies, along with the white-haired profile of another teenager. Having had their supposed team-mates described to him by Mysterion, Robin lost some of the extra tension that had leapt to his shoulders.

"Miss Martian?" He asked, with a quick confirmation glance shot Mysterion's way.

Before he could gather what was what, Robin was alarmed to see the green-skinned redhead land in front of the monstrous fuzzball.

"Awh!" The girl cooed, reaching out towards the creature.

As one Robin and Mysterion leapt forwards, a panicked shout caught in their throat. Neither of them was prepared to see the creature nuzzle its wet little giant nose into her hand, and then proceed to growl and purr like a motorbike. "Yes, you're a big guy, you're all fuzzy!" The purring oscillated an octave in response, as a direct answer to the Martian's words. "Yes, you're very noble and strong. Are you okay? Are you alright?"

"Whoa." Wally said, eyes wide in perplexed wonder. "Those things were not so friendly to us."

"Don't get too close." Artemis added, stepping behind Wally and grabbing his arm to keep him within range where he could feasibly be yanked out of harm's way. Even if the guinea beast didn't seem quite so intent on mutilation and consumption right now.

"He was just scared, and something was affecting his mind." Miss Martian supplied, looking over them all with a faint smile. "But I've let him know that we're friends."

"I'm all about making friends if it means one less bloodthirsty enemy." Quipped Mysterion, from a safe distance.

"Miss Martian, right? Do you know who we are?" Robin took the opportunity to step forward with a questioning gesture.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, with all the chipper happiness of someone who forgot they had a party coming up that weekend. "Yes, do not fear, I expect you are all experiencing a loss of memory. I can explain, please all come here and take my hand."

A good stretch of seconds passed as no one did anything. "It's alright." the Atlantean interjected. "I had lost my memory also, M'gann is able to retrieve them."

"Yeah…" Robin droned. "I believe you… it's just…" And at that he nodded a pointed glance at the hippo-sized ball of fur, teeth, and speed.

"Chomper says he is deeply sorry for any aggression, and he means you all no harm."

"Chomper?" Robin didn't know who parroted the absurd name. It may well have been all of them joined in one moment of confusion.

"He swears it on the blood of his ancestors."

"Right… well you guys get this memory business over with, I'll secure a perimeter." Mysterion stated, taking a further step back from the creature. "It's fine, I've not lost my memories." He added as Miss Martian made to question him.

As Mysterion stepped away from the other young heroes, he looked around at the open-air courtyard they were arrayed within. A stone dais rose in the centre, with curled grey pillars supporting a second-floor balcony. It was a strange place, not the relatively featureless grey courtyard alone, but the whole place. Corridors too massive to be practical for what was supposed to be a small monastery, hallways which laced together more like a maze than an actual manmade structure. If an order of monks lived here, he had yet to see any signs of it.

Finding himself inspecting the door these ninjas had been guarding, Kenny took in a deep breath, tipping his mind into an even more detached state of being. His psyche had already been operating in a cipher, missing an arm was something you needed to account for. It just so happened that mutilation on this level was so common for Kenny he had developed a method of mental compartmentalisation to ignore the effects of it. The pain was still there, but it was locked up in some deeper part of his mind, leaving only a dull throbbing and a tingling heat where the limb had been.

Opening his mind Kenny sensed for whatever was making this place this way. Not a split second had passed before he felt a wet warm breath on the back of his neck. Turning around he was confronted with a looming fur ball, red eyes glaring down at him, nose sniffing intently.

In dumb stillness Kenny could only react in the most basic human way when faced with such a loveable vision of death. Would it be fight, or flight?

He spoke. "Hey dude."

The titanic guinea beast sniffed him imperiously, before turning tail and scurrying off back towards M'gann.

It's back turned, Kenny couldn't help but sag with relief, internally he had almost begun to resign himself to an anticlimactic death. Those really were the worst ones. Instead, he looked past the big fuzzy pig to where the team were coming out of their trance.

"Finish up your vision quest or whatever?" He asked.

Snapping out of their trance and back into physical space, the three former amnesiacs reacted all at once.

In a moment of social whiplash, Artemis and Wally, whose hands had been joined in a tentative teenage crush sort of manner, suddenly leapt apart as if their hands were polarised magnets. After which they both practically mirrored each other's motions by crossing their arms and looking away, a comical attempt to act casual, Kenny thought.

Robin batted at his head with a palm, exclaiming. "Finally! Now it all makes sense…" The other members of the group turned their gaze Robin's way, some to hear what he had to say, two simply glad for a further distraction from their amnesia induced closeness. To his part Robin waited for a beat, emphasising the comedic timing of his next statement. "Wait, no it doesn't!" Sarcasm flooded out of his words like a dam had been broken. "Were we expecting any of this!? Did I just miss a huge part of the briefing? And we've lost Superboy, and Raven! This is ridiculous."

"Robin, I agree the situation is less than ideal, but we have made steps to fix it. Things have already improved from where they were ten minutes ago, let us focus on retrieving our Teammates, then we can ask the bigger questions." Aqualad's voice was strung through with iron determination, as he laid a hand on Robin's shoulder.

To the wider group the Atlantean continued. "M'gann has seen more of this place from above. Miss Martian, would you fill the others in on what you have seen now that we are all on the same page regarding our memories."

Following a short debrief regarding Raven's inhuman state, and the seemingly primal Superboy, the Team were able to drag themselves out of their shock and focus. As a final thought, Kaldur turned to Mysterion saying.

"Mysterion, I must insist that you not engage with any physical activity from here on. I would ask you to return to the portal that brought us here, but we should not split up at this stage."

"What for?" The Quizzical Crusader replied, an eyebrow cocked beneath his half-mask. For a fraction of a second Kenny was irritated by the suggestion but given Aqualad's display of some confident leadership he held back any insults or sarcastic comments.

"Well, I can see the bone of your arm socket." It was a commendable straight face, Kenny had to give him that too.

"I suppose that does seem like it would be important." He replied, patiently tapping his one remaining forefinger against his chin. "But trust me, it's not. Forget about it."

"I wish I could trust you, but I know very little about you or your capabilities, you have been very reticent with us so far, despite being here to guide us. Even if that was not the case you have clearly lost a great deal of blood and cannot be in your right mind."

"Credit where it's due, you're not wrong. But I'm not exactly cut from the same cloth as you all are, so I'm not going to spill my guts to you or play by the same superpower rules."

"You may think that to be the case, but right now you are part of this Team. Trust us and we'll trust you." Aqualad's brow narrowed dangerously. "Don't, and I would rather you leave now."

To Aqualad's disadvantage, given Mysterion's less than skin-tight half-mask it was next to impossible to determine his expression. "I'm not leaving."

Eyes briefly closing in weariness, Aqualad's tone opened into one of ocean deep honesty. "Then be honest with us and listen to what I am telling you."

The undressed wound was unpleasant to look at, and Mysterion laid his eyes on it for a few seconds, before returning his unaffected gaze to Aqualad and saying. "The arm is nothing, I don't feel pain and it'll fix itself later. I've dealt with worse. As for my capabilities, if it'll make you feel better, I'll stay out of harm's way, but I'm also the closest thing you have to a magical radar if you want to figure out where Raven is as much as I do, you need me. Trust or not."

"Alright guys, we get it!" Robin stepped between the two older boys; hands upraised in exasperation. "You're both big dogs, woof woof. Can we focus on finding Raven and Superboy yet?"

To their credit both seemed to deflate slightly. Whereupon Mysterion began to divulge what little he'd gained from his brief magical sonar blip. "Through that door is a minor magical sink well, something like a rift or portal. There is also an entity moving rapidly towards it, whatever it is, it's powerful but it keeps changing direction. Whatever is in there, it's a safe bet that it's some kind of base camp for these guys" He gestured to the unconscious ninjas. "Explains why they were guarding the door as well."

"Is our best bet to go in guns blazing then?" Wally asked, flickering his gaze between them all, miming a pair of finger guns as he did so.

"I don't see another entrance." Aqualad shrugged. "Robin can you and Artemis scout around for other entrances to this location?"

A displeased hum came from Mysterion before he groused. "We've not got much time, that entity is bearing down on our rough location."

Three clean seconds passed, during which the dark-skinned teen moved only once. He blinked as the third second closed, before leaping into a diatribe of clear instructions. "Wally, find another entrance, Miss Martian, fly up and try to get an aerial approach, most of this place seems to be open air, Robin do the same across the rooftops. Artemis, Mysterion, with me. We're going to try and parlay with these people, hopefully that will give us enough time to execute an ambush on the operation." To say Kaldur strode forwards with confidence would be a misrepresentation. Confidence implied some sense of bravado, all the others could see in their leaders' actions was pure, crystallised control.

"What about Chomper?"

Looking at the Martian girl, who had spoken from next to her new and bloodstained giant pet, Kaldur's certainty cracked slightly. A giant horse sized guinea pig was not something you saw every day, even as someone from an ancient city beneath the sea. "Miss M, can you… converse with Chomper?"

A brief silent conversation seemed to run between M'gann and the monster. A talk which ended with an undeniably intelligent, and adorable nod from the guinea pig. "He says he'll protect the bloodied one."

"Oh great…" It wasn't necessary to read Mysterion's expressionless tone to tell he wasn't exactly thrilled.

"Good luck." Wally said, his gaze lingering on Artemis, who in turn met his eyes for the brief second it took for both to remember that they couldn't stand each other.

As the team split into their respective tasks, Mysterion side-eyed Chomper, who had sidled up uncomfortably close to his missing arm. "You can wipe that hungry look of your face as well."

One last affirming look passed between the three teens at the door, before Kaldur stepped up and pushed the great stone doors open. Ahead an ominously dark corridor led out into a wide space, from which could already be seen the crackling sparks of untamed lightning. From the light at the end of the hallway could also be heard a laugh, quiet, muttering in madness, it was a laugh that no good joke ever caused.

As they came to the end of the entry hall and saw the full expanse of the court they now stood in, Mysterion took in a sharp hiss of breath. Scattered around the room were artefacts of both scientific and occult origin, some even hooked up to one another by electrodes and machinery. Few ninjas lurked in the shadows of the room, but those shadows were not easy to find, because dominating the space was a beacon of light. An oval opening in mid-air, about as wide as a tree trunk and tall as two men. Its heart was a melted amber colour, as if space had melted inwards on itself to reveal a canvas backdrop to reality. But dancing around it and funnelling into it was bright blue lightning, crackling and exploding with chaotic fervour. Arcs and fingers of electric energy which danced around and then retreated, testing, pulling at the rift.

All those darting electric bolts ceased their probing, as the figure who stood silhouetted against this portal turned to face them.

"Well, well well…" His voice was reaching down for a deep gravelly tone but kept breaking in a manner that given the circumstances, read as ominous. "Little kiddie heroes, come to play!" His face and form were cast in darkness by the portal lighting him from behind. A stance which only caused frightening shadows to jar across his metal helmet and ripple around his steely grey cloak.

Kaldur held up one hand and spoke with an unwavering voice. "We have come to talk, there is no need for conflict here."

"Conflict?" The villain crowed, voice rising in exhilaration. "Why not, conflict is one of my favourite things, second only to…"

"Butters."

The word came from Mysterion, whose jaw was twitching.

"Mysterion!? W-w-w-w-wha-what-what-what, what're you doing here?!" Like his voice, the villain's facade cracked. Kaldur and Artemis shared a look, before turning their confusion over towards Mysterion who looked nothing but annoyed.

"I should be asking you that." Growled the mysterious vigilante. Then with a finger jabbed in the villain's direction he accused. "This… this isn't funny. Why are you here!"

"Oh geez, I, I, um, agh! — I am here, Mysterion, to conduct my symposium lecture! And you shall be my raptured students. Allow me to give you a whirlwind tour, chaos, 101!" The ominous shadows fled from the villain, as he teetered back and forth, before deciding on a direction and running over to a nearby table. In better lighting his wide anxious eyes and wild straw blonde hair were clearly visible, poking out awkwardly from his admittedly intimidating solid steel headgear.

"You know each other!?" Artemis asked warily, looking as if she had just intruded on something private.

"He is my nemesis!" The villain paused in his mad searching to look over his shoulder and yell.

Even as Mysterion guided his lone palm to his face and sighed. "We kind of do… yeah." Teeth grit, Mysterion took a step forwards, calling out to the villain as he did so. "Butters, this is fucking insane! You haven't been Professor Chaos since we were kids, I haven't seen you in years! What, the actual, fuck dude!?"

"Butters?" Despite herself, Artemis couldn't help but whisper out the name questioningly, as if testing if it were real.

"His name is—" Before he could finish however, Mysterion was cut off by the subject of their gossip.

Butters yelled with such force that it battered down what Mysterion was about to say. Leaving no further room for his nemesis to talk, the Professor added. "Ah ah ah! Unless you want me to reveal your secret identity, Mysterion, then you'll address me as Professor Chaos!" Kenny's mouth immediately snapped shut. Though with the simple knowledge that these two knew each other so surely, Artemis and Kaldur's eyes widened. Even Chomper seemed to be watching the interplay like an avid fan.

Mouth wrinkling in consideration, Mysterion took only a second to reply. "Don't be a douchebag."

"How dare you degrade me, calling me a douchebag, I'm not a douche bag!" Butters shouted back, arms now laden with wires and rune-scribed scrolls.

"You are dude, you're attacking superheroes, that is number 1 douche behaviour!"

Growling, Butters threw down his armful of materials in favour of pointing one damning finger at Mysterion. "Force my hand why don't you… Ke—"

"Okay! I'm sorry, Professor Chaos. You happy?" Mysterion groused, stepping forward with his hand spread to the side asking for lenience.

A second passed, then two, all while Butters hand hung in the air. Then with a smug huff his glove hand curled into a victorious fist. "Ha!" The affirmation was followed up with a shake of said fist. "This is why I am your nemesis, Mysterion! Only I could hold such dastardly blackmail over your head."

Marshalling himself, Kenny slipped back further into his Mysterion persona. The sudden appearance of Butters had almost knocked him completely out of it. "You haven't seen me for years, Chaos. How could I be your nemesis."

Eyes narrowing within the shadowy confines of his helm, Professor Chaos replied. "Do you so easily forget our fight atop the hospital?"

"We both know that wasn't your idea. I'd bet this isn't either." Mysterion accused, gesturing to the portal floating in space a good distance behind the Professor.

Throughout the petty bickering, Mysterion had been slowly taking steps towards Butters. Meanwhile, in his monologuing the villain himself had been edging further away from the portal and towards the vigilante. While this continued, the other two young heroes scanned the room, taking in all the other enemies, exits, and even spotting the cowled Miss Martian materialising at an opportune point in the upper corner close to where the ceiling gave way to sky.

Countless times this night had erupted into chaos, each time it had never gone how any of the established sidekicks had expected it to go. Losing their memory, following a guinea pig into battle, and now hearing three fateful words initiate yet another fight almost proved too much for their collective sanity to handle.

As Chaos briefly turned his head to regard the portal, Mysterion struck.

"Mystery dick punch!"

—?M?—?M?—?M?—

A/N: Long time no see! Loved getting this chapter done finally, found myself with a spare few days, the motivation to write, and who knows what else I need to align for me to write this. The Professor was always going to make an appearance, and he may play quite a role in the future of the story? We'll see! Hope this was enjoyable to read, next chapter is kind of in pieces, so it's just stringing that together, hopefully it won't take quite so long. But… well, I'm in no position to make promises other than 'At some point'. I already know what else is coming but leave a review with what other south park mayhem you predict I'll include in the story as it continues!

- Faff.

EDIT: Made my first ever edit to this story for this chapter, a continuity edit to boot! I was only reminded of it when MadKingOfMadness ppointed it out in a review.

So, in the original version of this chapter, Butters does call out Mysterion's secret identity, but mistakenly accuses him of being Kyle. Here's what happened and why I changed it.

It had been so long since I actually watched the South Park episode where Mysterion first appears. There's a deleted scene / alternate ending where instead of the joke we get at the end of the episode, Mysterion reveals himself to be Kyle. After which there's a scene in Kyle's cell in jail, and Mysterion shows up to ask him why he took the fall. I'd basically Mandela effected that scene to be the real ending. And while I could just say that scene is canon, I prefer the other way around. This story has such a wavy relationship to canon anyway I need to keep at least some things set in stone. I just liked the anti-climax of Butters accusing Mysterion of being Kyle, like Cartman does at the beginning of The Coon episode. And while in the canon of this story no one remembers the whole Gulf crisis, the kids did still play superheroes. After a re-watch of the pertinent South Park episodes, and even a re-read of my own story here, I opted for an edit instead of trying to retcon or retroactively explain it. Probably not as big a deal as I'm making it, but hey, I mostly made the change because I prefer the idea of Butters knowing Mysterion's secret.

There we go though, a glimpse behind the curtain! I've been meaning to go back and grammar/spellcheck the older chapters, but that's a whole undertaking in and of itself, so who knows when/if I'll get around to that. Thanks again to MadKingOfMadness for their eagle eyed catch, I appreciate it!