So I have an interview Wednesday! So hopefully I'll get this job! Pray/wish me luck/beat me over the head/etc :D.

Pippa and I found out that this story is more popular than my Yugioh stories. I'm still amazed that I have a little fan club going on. y'all are the best!

So I saw this picture of Oro in Naruto's wedding. Pippa is convinced it's real because of how it's drawn and all. I can't find it on Google or anything, but I saw it on this Naruto page I like on Facebook. Oro looks so beautiful and he's crying! If that is real, I'm going to die 1,000,000%

Finally finished chapter twenty-two. Things are starting to get crazy. :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden. This is just for fun, no profit will be made from this (and I don't want to either). This is purely for my and the entertainment of Naruto fans.

Dedication: To my beautiful, amazing, intelligent, girlfriend Phillipa (Shadow Spirit Dragon-wolf) for being there for me through not only my writing (both fanfiction and my original story) but real life in general. You have been my inspiration and my support through everything.

Warnings: Violence, explicit sexual conduct (no rape!) homosexual relationship, relationship with a large age gap, struggles with belonging, self-hatred, obsession, self-harm, self-experimentation, human experimentation, mental disorders, a dark view of the "afterlife", (bonding of) pain and isolation, self-worthlessness, and male pregnancy.

Pairings: OroNaru, cannon pairings (except, obviously, NaruHina).

Summary: Sometimes, the deepest scars are the ones no one can see, but in a world moving into the light even the oldest inner wounds can be seen

Enjoy! :)

Chapter Five: Trembled

Naruto

I watch him closely. He stares at the candle one of my shadow clones had lit a few hours ago.

"I'll take that as a yes," I whisper. "You know… if you want to talk about it…"

"It doesn't concern you."

"Bottling it all up isn't helping anything."

"I have ways of releasing it."

"You mean like your experiments or attacking your own home?" I snap.

His gaze is sharp on me. "Those fools don't deserve to live."

"You don't have any right to decide that! Everyone deserves life, happiness, and love."

"Everyone can't have those things. Stop living in a fantasy world."

"I'm not! You can be happy too if you'd just let yourself! We were having such a good conversation! Now you just want to close up! Do you think I don't hurt? People have hated me most of my life. Hell, I'd venture to say some people still hate me, but I don't care. I wanted that love and acceptance. I wanted to prove that I wasn't a monster. No one is born a monster."

He laughs humourlessly.

"What's so funny?"

"Do you honestly believe that nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense. Everyone has a story. Everyone has the right to live and to be happy. Even you. No, I don't like the things you do, but I would never wish you to suffer for any reason. I want to understand why you do what you do."

"You already know."

"I believe there's more to it than you're letting on."

"And if there is?"

"I just want to help."

"I don't want your help."

I study him a while, staring into those eyes. There's so much anger, hatred, yet there's deep sadness, loneliness. It's always been there. I just haven't noticed. No, I have noticed it, and yet, I didn't care. So why now? Because I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't help him? Or perhaps to honour my master's memory by saving his best friend?

"You don't have to be afraid. I'm not out to get you. I truly want to help you."

"Do you know what the word 'no' means, child?"

"Well, it seems we have another thing in common, hmm?"

Orochimaru rolls his eyes, turning back to the flame.

"Besides, I know that deep down, you're begging for someone to care for you."

"I have my snakes."

"You know what I mean."

"I don't like humans."

"I know some people are assholes, and whatever you've been through wasn't right, but that doesn't give you the right to do what you do either. Your actions aren't justifiable."

"They are to me. I have a goal, and if people have to die for me to reach that goal, then so be it."

I frown. "I thought you said death was suffering."

"It is."

"Then why kill all those people to stop death?"

"Whoever said I cared about them? I have certain people that I will be bringing back and that's it. I don't care what happens to the rest of the world. They are no concern to me."

"That's selfish."

"Did you just notice I was selfish?"

"Death isn't the end, you know."

"Of course it isn't. It's suffering to the highest degree."

"Where did you even get this idea from?"

"The Divine White Snake?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

"No, c'mon, tell me."

"I already did."

"Yeah, but I'm not getting it."

"What is there not to understand?"

"I don't know. I mean, how can a snake be divine? And what does that have to do with death?"

"He's a god who showed me the truth."

"Okay… and what did he show you?"

'Kurama?'

'Hmm? What is it, brat? Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?'

'Yeah, I know. Listen; I have a question.'

'What is it?'

'Can you check out Orochimaru?'

'What for?'

'Please? I have this feeling…'

'Fine,' Kurama sighs.

'Well?'

'He smells sick.'

"…and there's a castle in the center of the labyrinth-"

He glares at me.

"What?"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"I… I'm sorry. I was talking to Kurama…"

"Well, you can talk to him on your way back to your house."

"What? No! I want to hear what you have to say. Besides, you're not well and-"

"I have people if I need them, which I don't."

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just needed to ask him something is all."

He's so defensive…

'Well, he is a snake man. Snakes are very defensive animals.'

'Well, I know…'

"I don't care."

"C'mon, Orochimaru. Don't be like this. I said I was sorry…"

"And I said for you to leave, but all we're doing is going back and forth."

"Look, I promise I won't ask Kurama or any of the other Biju anything while I'm talking to you. Will that make you feel better?"

"No."

"Then what would?"

"You leaving."

"I'm only trying to help…" I mutter.

"Everyone can't be helped."

"Yes, they can. They just need someone to care for them. Someone to listen to them."

"Well, you certainly don't fit into that category for me now do you?"

"That's not true!"

"We both know you'd rather have me dead."

"I don't want you dead! I want you to stop messing with people's lives!"

"And the only way to stop that would be to kill me. I'm sure you wouldn't have a problem. I'd run out of chakra with my shedding technique faster than you'd get tired of butchering me over and over again. You'd like to skin me alive, no?"

My stomach tightens up, my heart pounds. I feel clammy and sick all over. I shake. I clench my fists and slow my breathing down, trying my best to calm myself down.

"Are you alright?"

Shit! Fucking panic attack! And right now? But why?!

Orochimaru puts his hand on the side of my face, staring into my eyes. "Calm down," he says firmly, but gently.

I stare back into his eyes. What is this…? I never even knew he could be gentle. Yet, his voice and this touch…

I nod slowly, feeling my body starting to slowly relax.

He keeps his hand on my face a bit longer then pulls it away.

"Do you often get those?"

"Panic attacks? Yeah."

"What were you even panicking over? The last thing we were talking about was me dying."

I shiver. No! Just the thought of him dying. What is wrong with me?! I should want him to die, but… maybe it's because I just want to know. I just have to save him, for Jiraiya. Yes, this is all for Jiraiya. He will not die before he has a chance, a taste of happiness!

"Dying isn't the answer."

He shrugs. "I just figured you'd want to kill me."

"I don't like killing anyone."

"It's part of life."

"No, it's not! We don't need to kill anyone! We need to learn love and acceptance. It's what I've strived so hard for. To bring peace into this world."

"And yet, there are still people who would lie, cheat, kill, steal, do everything and anything they had to in order to get money, a good lay, or power."

"I know there are, and that's why we have to uphold the laws, but that doesn't mean they should die! They have reasons for why they do what they do."

"Yes, it's called they're fools."

"Well, wouldn't you be a fool for killing people then?"

He shrugs. "I suppose."

"When did you start that anyway?"

"Start what?"

"Experimenting."

"On living humans or in general?"

"Umm both?"

"They started when I was a child."

"Why would you think that was okay? Didn't your parents tell you off for that?"

"My parents had died before I started."

"How did you get humans as a child?"

"I didn't. I started off with animals."

"What made you want to do it in the first place?"

"I wanted to see what would happen if I altered something in the body or mind."

"Did any of your animal experiments survive?"

"At first, no, but eventually some died, some didn't. It wasn't enough though. It was… boring."

"So in order to cure your boredom, you took people's lives?" I spit.

"Actually, I didn't start off with living humans if you must know."

"You didn't? So you messed with dead bodies?"

"For a few years, yes."

"So why don't you just use dead people instead?"

"Because the experiments I do require a living body to test them on."

"What exactly do you do anyway?"

"It depends. I've done thousands of experiments."

"Do you plan on stopping?"

"No. I love it."

"So you like watching people die?"

"That's not what I enjoy about it."

"Then what? What is so amazing about it that you have to kill so many innocent people?"

"First of all, not everyone I've experimented on was innocent. It's the thrill of what could happen. When I was doing my experiment of injecting Hashirama's cells into sixty worthy children, the thought of them using Wood-style made me excited. It's a beautiful sight to watch cells form and divide and blood to flow and chakra to explode throughout their bodies as I alter their entire bodies to make them stronger. Those poor, terrified little eyes staring up at me as I make them more powerful. It's just so… perfect!" he whispers excitedly, licking his lips.

"But only one person survived in that experiment," I point out.

"Yes, and it's a shame, but one meant I didn't fail."

"Fifty-nine children had to give up their lives just because you were bored and wanted to fuck around with the First Hokage's jutsu!"

"They were going to die anyway. At least this way they had a chance of becoming great instead of dying worthless."

I shake, clenching my fists. "You have no right…"

"We can argue about this for all eternity, and our opinions will never change. You just don't understand the beauty of it."

"There's nothing beautiful about killing people, Orochimaru! What is wrong with you?!"

XXXX

Orochimaru

"What is wrong with that Orochimaru kid?"

"Yeah, he's such a freak."

"Yeah but he's got like the best grades in the class."

"That's because he plays with those snakes and lives in the library."

"…what is wrong with you?!"

I don't reply. Why should I? I have no answer for that. That same question has been asked by so many. Has been evaluated and examined in my mind over and over again. I'd worry over how to become 'normal'. For a while, I fit in-as-much as I could. I fought for those fools. I became a legend with my teammates and at the time, friends. I wanted my teacher to be proud of me, and he was… or I thought he was…

Now… he and Jiraiya are suffering, and Tsunade… well, she's taking care of an old man about to fall into his own grave soon.

Now this child wants to know. Just like all the rest. The simplest thing to say is that I'm evil and get it over and done with, but his philosophy of 'everyone's not evil. No one's a monster' would only result in an annoying argument.

Truth be told, I wouldn't even know how to answer him. I suppose I could say I don't know, but then that would make him believe I think there is something wrong with me. On the other hand, if I say 'nothing' then he'll go on and on about how wrong it is to experiment, all lives are important. I sigh inwardly. Such a pain.

"Don't you have some morons to bother?"

"Umm no?"

"You don't like bothering your friends?"

"My friends aren't morons! Don't speak about my friends as if you know them!"

"I have no intention of knowing them. The only one I'm interested in is Sasuke."

"What is your obsession with Sasuke anyway?"

"Obsession? I have no such thing."

"You clearly do. You're obsessed with him. Everything dealing with Sasuke, you jump right on it. Hell, you even helped in the war because Sasuke helped!"

"I wanted to see how his path would be if he chose something different than he has originally intended. I enjoy watching him grow and become powerful. It doesn't make me obsessed. The only person who's obsessed around here is you."

"Me?! What the hell are you talking about?!"

"It's obvious to see if you'd only stop talking long enough to listen to yourself."

He glares at me. "Do you have to be an ass all the time?"

"If you don't like me, then leave. It's that simple."

"I told you I wanted to help you."

"And how do you plan on doing that exactly? It's not like I plan on opening up to you, and even if I did, what would change? Nothing."

"You don't know that. I just want to know what's wrong with you. Why you act the way you do."

"Why does there have to be something wrong with me?!" I hiss, shaking.

"I- I didn't mean…"

"Did it occur to anyone that I may be right? Just because I do things that aren't morally correct doesn't make it wrong. It's only wrong in society, but let's put this into another prescriptive: we torture to get information. What is the difference between what I do and what they do?"

"I don't like that either!"

"Pain is necessary to evolve and to unlock our powers. Once you realize that, you'll be fine."

"You should let people unlock their own power!"

"They don't know how."

"Stop playing a fucking god! It's disgusting!"

"Stop talking to me like that. I'm not Jiraiya or Tsunade."

Naruto stands up. "I'm going to put a stop to you disgusting hobbies."

"Go ahead and try."

His eyes lock on mine. "But more importantly, I'm going to save you."

"Save me? Save me from what exactly?"

"Yourself. You need to get out of this damn snake hole and actually live."

"I live plenty."

"Yeah, sure you do."

"I don't like being around people."

"You realize that you wouldn't be like this if you'd just have some human interaction, right?"

"I can stand people for about five seconds before I want to kill them."

"Then why haven't you killed me?"

"You know the reason," I mutter, looking away.

I'm weak…

Naruto grabs the dishes. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Yeah me neither. That was good Ramen, huh?"

"It was alright."

"Alright?! C'mon Ichiraku is the best!"

"Is anyone else here?"

"No. Just us."

I frown. "I had an experiment going on in another hideout."

"Well, this was the first one I found, and I didn't feel like dealing with anyone. I know your friends hate me."

"They're not friends."

"Well, whatever you call them. Still, I just thought that it'd be easier to be in an empty one."

"I can't believe you took care of me all by yourself."

"Hey, give me some credit. I may not be Sakura or Granny Tsunade, but I do have powers of my own that deal with healing and I've watched Sakura enough times to know what to do in some cases. I can't do anything major like she can, but I just do what feels right."

"And you don't believe the same for me?"

"Honestly, I believe that you're lonely and believe that bringing back the dead and having all this power will make you happy and accepted, but it won't. It will only cause more hatred."

I shrug.

He sighs. "I'm going to clean up and then take a shower. Think you can behave yourself while I'm gone?"

"When did you become an authority over me?"

"I'm not. You just woke up from a coma, and you're still weak."

"I was going to sleep."

"Alright. Are you warm enough?" he asks as I settle in the bed, pulling the covers over my body.

I shiver. "Yeah…"

"Don't lie to me," he says walking over to me. He touches my face. "Damn, you're freezing!"

"I suppose I'm a bit cold…"

"A bit? Move over," he says, getting in the bed, and under the covers behind me.

I turn my head. "What are you…?"

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me against him. "What does it look like? I'm warming you up. You're too cold."

"And you couldn't have just gotten me a blanket?"

"This is a faster method. I'm using Metatabi's powers."

"Oh is that why it's so warm?"

"Yes, now just rest. I'll take care of you."

A few moments of staring at the wall, I begin to close my eyes. Before they fully close, I realize the candles have gone out.

Shadow clones. Always shadow clones with this child.

Does anyone else have OroNaru feels? lol. So... my mom's birthday is April 30th, so I'm updating this that day because it's a special occasion update but I'll also update the normal day as well. Lucky y'all! :D.

Preview for next chapter:

Naruto

I shake my head, continuing to rub Orochimaru's back soothingly. He moves closer, snuggling into my chest. I look down at him. He's… kind of… cute…

'Did you just use the 'C' word with Orochimaru?'

Next update date: April 30th*

I hope y'all enjoyed! Until next time :).