Oliver's very bad, no good day

Felicity could track Laurel only so far. Not every street corner had a camera. Not every corner shop or ATM had a camera she could hack into. She was sure that if she went through the footage with a fine tooth comb she'd find something she'd missed – some reflection in a window or passing car mirror, or a camera that she hadn't noticed, that could probably only be accessed from physical location, but might hold some valuable information. And it wasn't that she wasn't trying – but, quite honestly, within the time constraints and considering the sheer scope of work, it was impossible.

Felicity Smoak was just one woman. And for the time frame Oliver had given her – there were thousands of hours of footage. Not all search could be automated. Automated search missed a lot – if Laurel didn't face the camera, if her face was at too much of an angle, if only a part of her fit in the camera view as she passed... Not to mention that Felicity had to search for her in the night hour footage. Not all cameras were in well-lit areas. Not all had a resolution worth mentioning and one can extrapolate points to improve a picture only so far. Quite honestly searching for Laurel by using her portrait picture as an input parameter was rather hopeless. Felicity didn't have the heart to tell that to Oliver's face though.

So she ran the search again. And on a separate computer again with a different picture of Laurel she'd pulled off a website. She didn't have nearly enough data for any sort of reasonable training set for her program. Felicity tried to extrapolate a path Laurel may have taken and concentrated on those areas of the city, and, well, she prayed. Because that seemed about as likely to give a positive result.

"Maybe…" she spoke up when she could no longer stand Oliver's' pacing behind her. He stopped immediately. "Maybe we should consider calling hospitals. And…" morgues.

"No!" it was more of a scream than a protest. Oliver swallowed heavily, trying to reign himself in. "I mean, no. That can't…. If Slade had her, I would know. He would not miss the chance to brag about it to my face," that was the thought that had helped him cling to his sanity for the past hour. It made sense – didn't it? If Slade wanted him to suffer – he'd let him know. That is unless this was the suffering Slade had in mind. And Oliver would be forever left wondering… Suffering and hoping. "No, I'm sure that…"

"She would have picked up her phone," Sara interjected. "We both know Laurel. She may be angry, but after such a long time, she would have picked up."

Oliver turned and punched a monitor. It broke nearly in half, sparked as it fell with a loud thump on the floor. Felicity screamed in surprise. Sara just looked grim.

"I can't work if you destroy my equipment!" Felicity snapped, all nerves. "I understand you're worried. I'm worried…"

"How could she do this to us?" Sara muttered under her breath, but the people in the room heard her well enough. Oliver just hung his head low, bracing his hands against a table, all the weight of the world on his shoulders, but Felicity…

"Excuse me?" Felicity's tone was anything but apologetic. It was a tone full of warning. One last chance for someone to revise their thoughts before she made them rethink them. Oliver looked up.

"I'll have to call dad. He'll be devastated… And mom," Sara shrugged. "I mean I understand that she's upset, but to do this?"

"This?" venom leaked into Felicity's voice as she rose from her chair. "This what?" she hissed. "Are you even hearing yourself right now?"

"I'm not…," Sara began to justify herself just as Oliver began warningly, "Felicity…"

"Oh, no," she put her finger up in a chastising gesture that managed to stop Oliver in his tracks. "Oh, no you don't. I mean – you know I like you Sara, I think you're strong and amazing, and Oliver, I'm your girl. For anything. Well, not anything," she shrugged, "but you know what I mean." She put her hands on her hips.

"But you two are seriously messed up," she announced. "I mean, I gathered only bits and pieces of what happened last night, but that's enough. Even without that – I'd know enough."

"What do you mean?" Oliver frowned.

Felicity pressed her lips together tightly, gathering her ammunition. Both of the people in front of her needed some massive reality check. "I understand that you both have been through a lot. And a lot of that - you've been through together. But you have to understand how what you do affects other people too! Especially if you want to have any sort of relationship with those people!" there was some bitterness in her voice. She fancied Oliver just like she understood that he was trouble. Perhaps quite too much trouble. It was hard enough to be his friend. She did not want to imagine herself in Laurel's shoes.

"For all intents and purposes you both died. And you died in a manner that exposed how little both of you thought for anyone but yourselves. Most of all – how little you thought of Laurel. And now you're back, and… have any of you even apologized to her? I mean, it can't possibly make up for what you did, but being sorry is always better than just…"

"I apologized. Dozens of times," Oliver remarked. "I know it will never be enough."

"I did too," Sara crossed her hands defensively on her chest. "She threw a wine glass at my head."

"Any of you honestly think you can hold that against her?" Felicity frowned. "You're her sister. I mean – do you even care about her? Do you?" she turned to point at Oliver. He looked like he'd been punched. "Because you both may realize in theory how horrible it is what you did, but you don't seem to learn anything from it."

"What do you mean?" Sara was genuinely confused.

"You both left her mourning and betrayed. And now when you're both back – you go right back to what started it all in the first place. It doesn't matter if you're not with Laurel right now. Being with Sara is wrong," she finally said to Oliver what she'd been thinking all along, and then she turned to Sara. "I'm sorry. It's wrong. You're her sister. If you have even the slightest ounce of consideration for her – you ought to feel some guilt. Do you even? I mean, I understand that it feels alright to you to be with him, because you two share so many experiences, but have you thought about how it looks for anyone on the outside looking in?"

"No apology in the world means anything if you take it as a permission to do the same thing over and over again," she insisted.

"But I'm in love…" Sara started and Oliver nearly gave himself a whiplash turning to look at her, he was that startled.

"And she wasn't? Isn't?" Felicity nearly screamed. "She loved you. She loved Oliver and that meant exactly nothing to either of you. And now you have the audacity to be annoyed that she can't just give you both her blessing?! Are you honestly that blind? Or just that selfish?" Felicity took a calming breath, putting her hand on her chest as if that would help calm her racing heart. Her idealization of Oliver seemed to disappear with every second of this conversation. He may not have said much, but his silence was just as telling. She may still think he hung a star or two, but that certainly wasn't worth the thoughtless heartbreak he brought. She felt her heart break for Laurel already. "Maybe you just hate her. Because that would certainly make more sense than…"

"I Love Her," Oliver growled, enunciating clearly and with such violence that Felicity took an involuntary step back even though he hadn't moved at all. Even Sara seemed startled.

"Well, you haven't showed it at all," Felicity replied harshly and with more bravery than she felt. She raised her chin higher and marched back to her chair. She picked up the phone and started calling hospitals. She certainly didn't need Oliver's permission for that.

Oliver stormed out of the basement and Sara ran after him.

"Typical," Felicity muttered uncharitably as she observed them, before the hospital administration on the other end of the line picked up. "Hi, I wondered if you could help me. I'm looking for a friend. Has anyone by the name of Laurel Lance been admitted in the last 24 hours?"

The answer was negative and Felicity could check one hospital off her list. Tentatively she added morgues to the list too. I'm so sorry, she thought.

IKYWT

"Oliver…" Sara started, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

Oliver instinctively pulled away. He'd run out of Verdant. Kicked a trash can or two and… Stayed. He felt caged. He couldn't run off while Laurel was missing. He couldn't just go fight crime if he didn't know whether he wouldn't be needed somewhere else five minutes later. He was stuck in limbo. He had to find Laurel for things to make sense again. He kicked an already toppled trash can. His mind was a complete storm.

"Oliver, it's ok," Sara clasped her hands together to keep from reaching out to him again. "She just doesn't know what she's talking about."

"What?" Oliver finally looked at Sara. Roaring in his ears dimmed a bit and he actually tried to listen.

"Felicity," Sara explained. "She just doesn't know what we know. She's like Laurel. They're normal. They don't know us. They don't know how it is for us."

"And what exactly is us?" Oliver hissed, rounding towards Sara like a predator stalking a prey. He was high strung and losing control. He felt like lashing out. "What the island made us? What the League of Assassins made you and Fyers, and the rest made me?" he demanded.

"Yes," Sara replied without flinching.

"It made us killers, but we were worthless before that," he spat, uncharacteristically truthful. Rage in his eyes. Felicity's words had torn open everything that losing Laurel had left raw and vulnerable. He couldn't even think of the combination of words losing Laurel without choking. He coughed, but the knot in his chest didn't loosen.

"You don't believe that," Sara couldn't conceal the light tremble in her voice no matter how hard she tried.

Oliver laughed. It was not a happy laugh. It was self-deprecating, dark and humorless laugh. "Oh, but I do," he said, much softer than Sara had expected. "I never deserved your sister. Before or after the island."

"That is not true," Sara protested. "You're a hero, Oliver. She may not see it. But I know it."

Oliver just shook his head and stalked down the alley, restless like a caged tiger. He wanted to attack – anything, anyone. He was like brimming with violence born of sheer helplessness and… fear.

"You saved me, Ollie," Sara tried again. It was the one thing she kept clinging to. Oliver chose her. Not on the Gambit when he took her away. He chose her to live on the island. He saved her.

Oliver laughed, he felt like crying exactly that much. "I've said it again and again… I…"

"Yes, to Slade, of course," Sara agreed instantly. "But you saved me. I will never forget it, Ollie."

Oliver turned on his heel and punched a wall so hard his knuckles started to bleed, and the bones in his hand throbbed with pain. Laurel was missing and her sister was confessing her love to him, because she believed he had saved her. Because she believed that he had chosen her above another's life. That he had chosen her before Laurel. Oh, god. It was such a tangled mess. It sunk in bitterly that Felicity was absolutely right. Oliver pressed his lips together to hold back a barrage of cruel words, but he knew that he would speak his mind nonetheless. He could only delay it.

The last thing he wanted was to destroy Sara. He knew how fragile she was. How she'd been willing to die rather than go back to the League. He knew that she loved him, and it had been so easy to just fall back in with her. Sara wasn't Laurel, but she was close enough. Sara wasn't perfect. Not like Laurel. Sara was more like him. He might not deserve Sara's sister, but Sara was just enough. But Felicity had been right. He couldn't continue making the same mistakes with the same excuses. Laurel was missing. And that changed everything. He might not deserve Laurel, but he'd turn the sky inside out and bring down whole mountains to keep her safe and close by.

"I didn't save you, Sara," each word was pointed like an arrow, and he knew that once he got to the end of his speech – they'd hurt like the real thing. "I didn't choose you," he insisted. "The simple truth is that I hesitated, because I couldn't let you die even if I couldn't make the choice." He saw the light burn brighter in her eyes. "Because of Laurel," and he saw it dim. "I took you away from her. I had to bring you back no matter what," the light was nearly gone and Oliver felt for her. He did, but he couldn't stop. Not now. "There was no way she would ever love me again if I let you die. That is why I hesitated," and he saw the light in Sara's eyes go out. He stood ready – if she wanted to lash out, he deserved it. He could take it.

"For Laurel?" Sara forced the words out. Barely audible. Her bottom lip trembled.

Oliver swallowed heavily. What was it that people always said about him and Laurel? "Always and forever."