Unlikely cupid

Sara returned to the basement alone. Frustration was in her every movement. Oliver had refused to yield to her attempts at comforting and she could hardly bear to stand there and listen to him idealize her sister. She wanted to be angry, because then Oliver's words would hurt less. She hated being reminded that she always came in second. The second daughter, second to Laurel in school, second to her in love, second to her everywhere. There was nothing that Sara could do that Laurel hadn't already done better.

She didn't hate her sister, but Sara was certainly envious of her. Laurel's life had always seemed perfect to her right down to the perfect, devoted, rich boyfriend. That's how Sara had gotten on that ship – she had wanted a slice of what Laurel had. And she'd ended up with hell as her just deserts. Life really wasn't all that fair to her as far as she saw it.

And now Laurel was missing. Except Sara didn't really believe that. Laurel was the type of person to whom nothing bad ever really happened. To Sara it seemed that her sister was completely blind to the dark underbelly of the world, and she envied that too. She wanted to be that pure and innocent again too. She wanted to have problems that weren't really problems. Therefore, Sara wasn't very worried – not like Oliver or even Felicity. She had this blind spot where it came to her sister – she genuinely believed that even if some ordinary emergency had happened to Laurel, no doubt, there had been a knight in shining armor to pull her out of it. Laurel always seemed to get the kind, funny gentlemen to fight for her – Oliver, Tommy Merlyn, and the list could go on. It was Sara who got the creeps.

She believed right down to her bones that she'd know if her sister was truly in danger. Sara didn't doubt that she'd nobly lay down her life for her helpless sister. But right now – she also believed that Laurel was just kicking up a fuss, because she couldn't give up an old boyfriend and just let Sara be happy. Hadn't Sara paid for her sins already? She's been through literal and figurative hell. She'd sold her soul long ago. There was no life in the light for her anymore – couldn't she get at least the bits that were in the shadows? Like Oliver…

It annoyed Sara how everyone was thinking about Laurel and nobody was thinking about her. It seemed like the story of her life. She yanked her jacket violently off the back of a chair and turned to leave – she definitely didn't want to speak to Felicity again.

But Felicity had no such reservations, "What will you tell your father?" she asked, turning in her chair, like an empress on a throne, legs crossed, arms rested.

"Nothing yet," Sara muttered nearly inaudibly.

Felicity frowned. "But he's the police," she explained slowly, as if to a child. "Even aside the fact that she's his daughter – he could help us find her."

"I'm not breaking his heart just because Laurel has a temper tantrum," Sara snapped finally out of patience.

Felicity was not intimidated. "An entire department looking for her would find Laurel faster than just me looking. Maybe you can ask her what kind of… tantrum," Felicity's distaste was obvious in her tone, "she has then. Don't you think?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Sara replied through gritted teeth, "Saint Laurel always is," she muttered under her breath ungraciously and left.

"Wow," Felicity intoned in the emptiness of the basement when the door that lead to the bar slammed shut behind Sara. "Just wow," she breathed. "And I thought Oliver had issues."

IKYWT

Oliver couldn't bring himself to leave the alley. He wanted to sprint out of it, find the first criminal he could and pound them into the ground with his bare fists. Hell, he wanted to rid the entire city of crime so that the worst reason why Laurel would ever be unreachable would be being stuck in traffic. And yet he couldn't move an inch. The thought that he would be too far away to act if Felicity finally found Laurel and she needed him was paralyzing.

"Hey, Oliver," Diggle came in Oliver's view slowly, as if approaching a wild thing.

Oliver glanced at his friend and bodyguard – and then resolved to ignore him – turning back to staring at the wall of the opposite building. There was just too much turmoil inside – Oliver had no words for that. "I just wish I knew she was okay," words flew out before he could imagine saying them. He flinched – the admission felt like a slap.

"I know," Diggle said quietly, understandingly, leaning against the trash container on which Oliver was sitting.

"No," Oliver breathed, jumping down from the container. "No, no, you don't…", Laurel was supposed to be okay. How could he possibly explain it? She was his home. Not the Queen mansion. Not the Starling goddamn city. Laurel.

She was the thing, the beacon, that got him through everything on Lian Yu. She was… How could he adequately put it into words that she was the moral compass, the ideal that he was guided by? He was more influenced by a throwaway comment from her than from anything else. To him she could make no wrong decision, no misstep, and he aspired to be able to follow her judgement. How could he sufficiently describe the pedestal of everything that was good that he had built for her in his mind. To him she was the sun that every star in the galaxy orbited.

"Oliver, I know how much you love her," Diggle said when it became obvious that Oliver wouldn't speak more. "I've seen it again and again," and he hadn't particularly liked it either. But a fact was exactly that – a fact, and Oliver Queen, in hood or out of it, would always choose Laurel. Diggle weighed his next words carefully. He did believe that Laurel was a distraction for Oliver, just like he saw how she was a part of Oliver that he would never let go. And out of everything – John understood best how it ached to long for someone that was out of reach. And he made a decision he might have not made otherwise, "But she doesn't."

Oliver looked at Diggle in surprise.

John swallowed, feeling a bit trapped. He had hoped that Oliver would find peace within his mission or with someone of their own small circle – it would have been better for him and for Laurel too. Diggle was not a fan of dragging civilians where they didn't belong and Laurel was the epitome of civilian. All the things she had already been through… But as he saw now – it didn't matter whether Oliver was with Laurel. He'd always be with her. He'd always be rocked to the core by whatever that was going on with her. And Diggle also believed in covering the vulnerable spots. And Laurel made all of Oliver one huge soft spot.

"She doesn't, Oliver. I've seen the choices you make for her, in her name…," he listed all the times Oliver chose Laurel above his team, above the mission, all the times he risked his life for her comfort: when he went against Triad for her just when he had gotten back the first time, when he went and trapped himself into a rioting prison to keep her safe, when he started saving people not just hunting them, when he went up against Cyrus Vanch solely for her and nearly got shot for his efforts, when he chose to help her instead of capturing Floyd Lawton for Diggle. "And I'm not even talking about giving up her for your best friend, because you thought that would make her happy. All the times you tried to keep her safe by staying away even though it had to be like shooting yourself in the foot. Hell, I'm not even halfway through with everything…"

"What's your point?" Oliver asked tiredly.

"She doesn't know that any of that was you. She has no idea how much you care about her, because you haven't let her know," there was light exasperation in Diggle's voice. "To the best of her knowledge – you've been partying around, sporadically ignoring her and now… Hooking back up with her sister."

Oliver could hardly get any words out, his throat felt so constricted. "She hates me. I understand."

Diggle sighed and wished he could facepalm. "The point is – you should let her know. You should show her as you've shown everyone. Hell, half the city's criminals know how important she is to you more than she does."

"I was trying to protect her," Oliver protested.

"Well, maybe your protection is what's hurting her."

Oliver turned away. He wanted to punch a wall again. His whole body was tense as the string on which he drew his arrows. There was no right way. There was no happy ending. He loved Laurel. He could not have her.

"Look, you have to figure out whether you want to be in her life, and when we find her," Diggle felt his heart clench in sympathy when he saw Oliver's shoulders shake at the reminder that Laurel was, in fact, still missing, "when," he stressed, "when we find her, you have to show her what you've shown everyone else. It doesn't matter if I know you love her, if Felicity, Sara or whichever scumbag happens to cross her path finds out how important she is. She has to know."

John took a breath, steeling himself for what else he had to say, "And you have to get it through your thick head that you and the Hood or the Arrow – are not two different things. You can't put Laurel first and still fall for every damsel that happens across your path when wearing a hood. Stop trying to compensate for not having her and try to earn the real thing."

Oliver turned to face his friend. "I don't deserve her." It was the plain, god's honest truth. Even if he wasn't a killer and a monster, he still had cheated on her, he still had torn up her family. He… There was no end to his sins.

Diggle had no more sympathy for the pity party Oliver was throwing himself. "You're not even trying."

"How can you say that?" Oliver demanded. "I've done nothing but try."

John looked at him like he was the most blockheaded person on the planet. Which was likely. "You'll do anything for her except let her have the right to decide for herself whether she loves you or not. You sabotage everything along the way out of fear that if she ever gets to making that decision – she just might realize what you've been trying to prove to her all along. That you really are just a worthless loser," Diggle stepped up and grabbed Oliver by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. "Which you are not. She sees that despite all the shit you put her through."

Oliver opened and closed his mouth several times. Speechless.

"Look. We'll find your girl. And then you'll get to show her you're the great guy she's always seen you as. You'll stop pretending you're a douchebag, because you're not. Are we clear?"

Oliver nodded.

"Good. Now I'm all done with this relationship advice," he patted Oliver on the shoulder and went inside. As he went, he thought that he never would have imagined being Laurel's advocate. He'd have thought to speak on Felicity's behalf if the push ever came to shove. Funny how life works out. "He'll be in soon," he said to Felicity as he descended the stairs.