CHAPTER XLIV

Your cozy bed awaits at home, girl. You're almost there… the exhausted woman encouraged herself while heading to change.

She'd just finished all her duties and the extra work that started a week ago, when she volunteered to cover for one of her colleagues, who had to stay at home looking after her husband. The man had apparently suffered an accident on his way to the capital, but weird trails coming from all directions and the many injuries all over his body proved he'd been intercepted and severely hurt. His transport along with most of his belongings were found very near him, except for the horse that'd pulled it, and his moneybag.

Considering how awful the situation was to her co-worker, and the man needing special caring after spending two days in the hospital, Elia thought the least she could do was cover for her with their boss. It was only a week, and she wasn't working at the store anyways.

We all need a helping hand, honey… her mother used to say all the time. The memory had been so vivid she could even picture her kind smile after saying that.

What she hadn't foreseen was being summoned by Dr. Nowak that morning and be told she'd have five days off in view of her excellent performance and support. So, there she was now, changing into her clothes at last. Too bad she wasn't alone for long.

"You should be cheerier today" Jeyne said after Elia saluted her back "Not everyone is this lucky to get a whole week away, you know?" she continued while getting ready for her night shift "Got any plans already?"

Pretending to sound friendly and the fake smile weren't enough to hide how ticked off she was at her. Had Jeyne imagined such reward, she sure would have offered herself; not at all over concern about one of her, supposedly, good friends. A one-sided bond, without a doubt, or she wouldn't have overheard her gossiping about their colleague in the bathroom, saying things like she was taking advantage of everything.

"Sleeping all day sounds like a great plan to me" small talk wasn't among her favorite things, let alone with someone she didn't trust, but the lack of further topics to discuss forced her to go along, not even bothering to correct the information "How about you?" self-centered as the girl was, the healer knew she'd love the question.

"I'll probably take one long nap before hitting the bar with my friends at night" Jeyne said, not at all planning on going to check on the other girl but there was nothing she could do or say about it; true friends were hard to find "Thought you'd spend some of your days at Mrs. Green's. I mean, given your conflicted schedules lately".

Mph. Of course she wishes to know what's up with Gris and me, Elia thought, yet she wasn't going to fall for it.

"Nah. She's been having a busy week as well, so I'm sure she wants some peace and quiet for herself" the healer said, downplaying the subject "Plus, I haven't been much at home so there's a lot that needs to be done" to be honest, that was no lie.

"Yeah, mine's the same but I'll have my fiancé giving me a hand next weekend" the other one replied with a silly wink, and then sized her up "You should ask your man too".

"If I had one…" even though she knew avoiding an answer with a polite smile would have sufficed, she couldn't help the words slipping out.

"Really? Then what's the deal with the cutie asking about you yesterday?" she had no idea what kind of confused expression her face showed, but it sure got Jeyne trying to explain herself better "An officer came" that didn't help at all. If anything, it was even weirder. Levi would never go there and ask for her, let alone be called that "Tall, blonde, very masculine guy?"

Oh, Elia said on the inside, trying to appease her hopes on hearing a different description. Not that seeing Garrett would upset her, but she hadn't seen him in months, days before delivering her letter.

"You spoke to him?" the healer asked, wondering why she didn't hear about it.

"Mmm" Jeyne was sure taking her time while holding her chin with a thoughtful demeanor "Nope. Tara said she saw him talking to Mrs. Green".

"I see. Now that you mention it, I think she said something last night, but I was too busy at the moment".

"Uh huh" the other one replied, quite cynically. Clearly displeased she hadn't confirmed or denied if he was her boyfriend.

"Gotta go now, before the store closes. Good luck with everything" Elia added, though that was mostly for the patients. Jeyne wasn't that bad as a nurse except she often lacked initiative and wasn't good with emergencies. Fortunately, she wouldn't be alone; Gris had a shift that night too.

Once out, Elia looked up to the darkened sky and took a deep breath, sighing tiredly at the couple clouds up there, pleased to see it wouldn't rain that night. She loved rainy days, but the past week had been more depressing than ever, making her miss, both her family, and the few living people she held most dear in her heart; the one she wasn't supposed to be close to because it'd hurt him, and the other two who didn't want anything to do with her.

On one hand, Gris. She could understand the trauma after losing her only son, and not long after her husband. That'd left scars that haven't healed yet, so forcing her to go through similar anxiety wasn't fair. She'd known so before admitting her intentions to her, but the unexpected military announcement demonstrated that, no matter how long she delayed sharing her plans with the older woman, the response would have been the same.

Levi, on the other… well, she could not fully get that. She knew he'd pushed her away because he was scared but is not like they hadn't been at war before Shiganshina, so what changed? If anything, Erwin's death should have helped him understand why she intended on joining them, unless he'd been lying when he thanked her for explaining things to him the night before the mission.

If only he hadn't come off that harshly when he sneaked in Gris' room. She'd hoped he might have heard, or at least comprehend she only wished to help, be there for him and the people he cared for. Maybe she could have prevented Hange from losing her eye, tend other soldiers' wounds. Perhaps there wouldn't have been only nine survivors had she been there. Perhaps not. The one thing she knew was that she didn't want to see something like that next time they had to go to battle. Sadly, he'd used the nightmare incident as an excuse to take distance, and their last conversation at the hospital offended her even more; being denied the chance to talk and, also, to choose, had made her so mad.

He can be such a fool sometimes, she complained as she walked, no longer furious but still frustrated.

Would you stop thinkin' about him and just do what you want to do!? the voice of reason advised, for a zillionth time. If anything, putting up with her decision should be easier for him now that there was nothing between them, right?

"It took me two blocks to come say hi after seeing you leave the building. The look on your face…" even when it wasn't precisely whom she'd wanted to see when Jeyne mentioned an officer, her heart still rejoiced at the sound of her friend's voice, coming from her right "…what made me venture into talking now was realizing that whatever irritated you, has nothing to do with me".

"Is that so?" she answered, turning to look at him with the first real smile in days, getting a sheepish one in return "How can you be so sure?"

"Because you forgave my past crimes long ago. Also, we haven't seen in a while" it made her happy to see not even the distance she tried to put between them, managed to change things. Talking to him was as easy as breathing, like nothing ever happened. Garrett didn't even resent her for rejecting him "And I had Mrs. Green promised me not to tell you I was here yesterday".

"What?" Elia stopped walking and so did he. She stood with her hands on her hips, demanding an answer "Why did you do that?"

"She told me you were having a rough week" her friend said, scratching the back of his head like he always did when he tried to gain more time. Her arms fell on her sides, more relaxed but she kept the inquisitive gaze at his nervous one, until he exhaled and looked down, giving up "Dad died a few days ago".

Elia froze, shocked at first but then couldn't help the tears clouding her eyes before hugging him tight, bursting into tears. She felt so guilty because his life had been immeasurably far rougher lately.

She'd known Mr. Holt's since her toddler years. The man may had been a bit intimidating on the outside due to his height, broad shoulders – traits his son definitely inherited – but his peaceful personality had showed her how kindhearted he was. And though he constantly travelled for work, she remembered how he tried to make the most of his time with his family whenever he was around.

"It's okay, Elia" she heard him say, sensing the palm of his hand on her head, patting it delicately "It all happened so fast that I couldn't find time to tell you".

"But how? What happened?" the healer managed to ask after a minute, taking a step back while wiping the tears away with her shaky hands. She feared the man had suffered the same as her colleague's partner.

Garrett's expression gave his preoccupation away, surely not having foreseen to see her this affected, so she quietly grabbed his arm and led him to take a seat on a bench at the other side of the street, where they wouldn't trouble the people around.

"Heart attack" Garrett said, sighing both sad and beated "Mom said he seemed tired that morning, after waking up, but he claimed he was fine. She took her usual bath after him, and by the time she went back to their room, she found him half-dressed, lying unconscious on the bed, with his hand on his chest".

For the following hour, her friend narrated all the related events, starting with the doctor's visit to confirm the man's passing, then the funeral preparations as well as its development, always avoiding saying much about his feelings yet she could see in his lowered head and his grim tone how devastated he was. His concerned for his widowed mother was a whole other thing.

"My goodness, Garrett" Elia muttered, staring into space in disbelief "How is she now?"

"Still taking everything in" he admitted, hunching up a little "That's why I dared coming here to see you".

"Gris should have told me" she said, sad about everything really "I'd have…"

"Easy there, Stoltz" her friend interrupted, shaking his head no before making her face him "I didn't tell her why I needed to talk to you".

"But it was important. You should have said so".

"It's not like seeing you right then would have made much difference" he mocked, getting a reproving look that got him smiling… if a sad smile could be considered as such "What I mean is that other than me feeling better for seeing you, nothing else would have changed".

"I wish I could have been there, for you two" the healer lamented, unable to hold his gaze "If there's anything I can help you with, just name it".

"Well, that's the second reason why I'm here" the young man shared, which got her looking up again, glad to hear that "Mom's been having some trouble sleeping, and since your family's medicines work wonders, I was hoping…"

"Absolutely. Whatever you two need" she assured, standing up and grabbed his arm again, beckoning him to follow her home at once "Come on. I'll prepare something right away" she said but suddenly stood still and turned, tilting her head a little "Uummm, let's get some valerian roots first though. I think I used them all up last week, and I haven't had the time to restock my supplies".

"See why I did good by not letting you know before?" he teased, smiling grateful but then gently grabbed her by the shoulder to make her listen "Easy there. I was going to get her some ginger cookies anyway, so why don't you go home and let me buy the roots? Knowing you, I'm sure you won't take my money for the medicine so let me do that at least. Your eyes are bloodshot red and you're dead tired, so…"

"Fine. Just like my sister, I know you won't take no for an answer" she only accepted because he wasn't wrong. Besides, she was also thinking about another medicine that would help the lady, keeping her from a nervous breakdown or something; grieving was hard, no matter the circumstances, so this was the least she could do.

"It's a family thing" Garrett softly pinched her cheek, chuckling at the disapproving raised eyebrow he got in response. But then went back to a more solemn expression when she nodded, agreeing with the comment "I'll be there in a jiff" he said and dashed off to the market street.

I'm so sorry, Garrett… her heart said to him before get going.

Elia couldn't help feeling she'd let him down. Although Levi's words had been true about her unintendingly hurting him, she still wished she could have been there for him.

Overwhelmed by the recent events and everything else, the instant she turned at the intersection connecting to her street, a piercing pain in her chest got her leaning on the nearest wall, forcing her to take deep breaths in order to calm herself before trying to give another step.

Not again… she begged, taking her hand to her chest.

A similar crisis occurred eight days ago, when she accepted Tom's invitation to go see a popular street artist who painted portraits in 10 minutes. She hadn't planned on having one, but Mr. Lee's son persuaded her when he said he'd be in it too. Nonetheless, when the man handed the drawing, he discreetly asked if she was alright, having seen right through her.

That night, at home, she'd looked at the piece of paper and the sadness behind the restrained smile broke her heart, making her experience the same pain that got her lying in fetal position, trying to collect herself. She'd promised her family she'd be alright, but she wasn't, and no matter how she tried not thinking about it, the feelings remained because so did Levi.

The young woman realized it was precisely the notion of their relationship being over, just like that, what caused this. Her rational self knew this could happen, reminding her how she'd prepared herself to accept the man's death, but ending things without a proper talk was a whole other deal. But now wasn't the time for it.

Closing her eyes, Elia discreetly rubbed the aching area, trusting this would pass. Everything was too recent, anyways.

On your feet, woman! she commanded herself, understanding she needed to approach everything differently, like she'd done before. It'd take time, but she'd give her all to move on and follow her heart, whether he liked it or not, and the same applied to Gris' friendship.

There you go, sis… Ilva's voice returned. She could even picture that proud, challenging expression of hers whenever she stood her ground to anybody. Death is the one thing that can't be undone, so fight!

Feeling lighter, the healer managed to stand, concentrating in one task at a time, and making it home safely was primary. When she made it there, she hung her jacket, took the boots off, and threw the bag and the other carrying a few things she'd bought during her lunch break on the couch. Only then she took another deep, long breath, feeling considerably better.

Without delay, Elia washed her hands in the bathroom and headed straight to the room next to hers, where she kept every tool and herbs she worked with. Once she gathered most of the items, she soon found herself preparing some ignatia syrup, which would help Mrs. Holt with the anxiety that came within grief, to help preventing depression. The lady was normally very sensitive and prone to mood swings, so this would come in handy.

"Now, where are the bottles?" she wondered aloud, looking through the heavy cabinet that came with the place "Good" she mumbled as she took them out, but when she did, a small, brown paper bag fell to the ground.

She couldn't recall having storage that there, so she picked it up, noting how light it was despite seeming full.

Levi… his name echoed in her head when she saw the valerian roots inside. He was the only who could have left it there, surely to restore the supplies used on him.

"But when did this happen?" if it was before Shiganshina, these should look drier, but they were perfect, and more than enough to start working.

No. Stop right there! You must focus on this now… her inner self ordered, and she nodded in obedience.

With these, she calculated being able to prepare at least fifteen little sacks for Mrs. Holt, as she collected the other herbs needed, such as: lemon balm, passionflower, and some dried chrysanthemum flowers. She might have added a bit of cinnamon to help the flavor, but the lady was allergic to it.

By the time she was working on the penultimate one, there was finally a knock on the door.

"Come in. It's open" she shouted, concentrated on finishing the bag with the right doses, glancing towards the door where her friend had just entered, carrying another brown paper bag, identical to the first "I'm almost done. Sorry about the mess, by the way".

"Ha! Remind me not to ever show you my room" Garrett's joke managed to put a mild smile on her face while he left the object on the desk. He then took a seat on the edge of the same; it was easy given his huge self "How can I help?"

"Mmm get something to note this down" she tilted her head towards the first drawer to his left "It's important to do this every day at the same hour, around 7PM so you can keep an eye on her, just to make sure she doesn't show side effects, like nausea, headaches, etc."

"Got it" her friend nodded in understanding, so she proceeded to teach him how he should prepare the infusion, the amount of boiled water required for every bag, how many teaspoons of honey to put in, and how long letting it rest before serving it.

"I suggest avoiding food afterwards, unless it's something light… like soup" Elia advised, adopting a thoughtful expression, trying to recall any other important information "As for the syrup… she may have it any other time of the day. It's for whenever she feels too anguished or overwhelmed".

"How much can she have of it?"

"As long as it's not more than three tablespoons per day, it should be fine".

"Great. I'll make sure to follow your instructions to a T" the young officer promised, and looked towards the things he'd just bought "Ummm, didn't you need those?"

"Oh, I had some left here, but I'll use the roots you got me to make more of those" she indicated, pointing at the little bags.

"Nice" her friend said, and then looked to the tiny bags "Should she have them on a daily basis?"

"During the first month, yes. The second should be every other day, until her sleeping disorder gets better" the healer covered her mouth, trying to hide an involuntary yawn but the sardonic smirk on Garrett's face showed how pointless it was.

"Awesome. I better get going now but you urgently need one good sleep, Elia. You're a mess" her friend said as he put the pen back in the drawer while she packed all the bags in a bigger one.

"What a charming thing to say".

"Heck, yeah" Garrett confirmed, placing the flasks inside a small wooden box she'd assured, she could spare "Should I come back two weeks from now?"

"No need. I'll visit your mom soon. I'd have gone see her tonight, but I could easily make a mistake" she looked to her friend, more tired than ever, giving her all not to close her eyes and fall asleep right there "I'm sorry".

"Are you kidding me? I should be the one saying sorry for troubling you this late" had she been more awake, she sure would have seen him blushing a little "Seriously, I owe you big time".

"No, you don't. And again, whatever you or your mom need, I'm here" the healer placed her hand on his right shoulder.

Unsure whether it was the intensity of her gaze, gesture, or words the cause of Garrett's body stiffing, the healer discreetly let go when she remembered the reason why she'd distanced herself. He might have been thinking the same, for she noted him intending to reach out to her, but never got to learn why because he simply stretched to disguise it.

"You bet she'll be thrilled to see you" he guaranteed, avoiding the confusion on her face by grabbing the bag with the items and headed out of the room "Go on now, get ready for bed or I'll report you to Mrs. Green" he teased, clearly unaware of the latest events, which she didn't want to talk about, especially when he'd be as disgruntled as Gris.

"Alright, alright" Elia agreed, shaking her head as she followed him to the door. She couldn't help thinking how much this loss had changed her friend, forcing him to leave that carefree boy behind, to be the man to look after his mother "Get home safe and make sure your mom takes the medicine. She'll get better, I promise".

"I know" once again, a smirk showed up in his face, only this was an optimistic one "Thanks a lot, Elia".

"Thank you for trusting me. You too may have some medicine in case you need it" the healer said right before he winked at her to assure, he'd comprehended what she meant, and then closed the door.

The yawning that came little after that got her blinking numerous times to keep her eyelids from shouting, realizing it wouldn't be long before passing out.

Walking straight to the bathroom, she changed to her pajamas before warming up some milk in her kitchen, adding cinnamon and a couple orange leaves; that'd definitely help her get a good sleep.

"Chores can wait until tomorrow, Elia" she mumbled to herself a few minutes later, laying sideways on the mattress.

Taking immense joy in the soft sensation of her cheek against the fluffy pillow, the woman also enjoyed the comfort provided by the other she was hugging. It was ridiculous, she knew so, but doing that while the soldier was away had turned into a habit; one she'd have to break if she intended to move on.

One step at a time, okay? her inner self suggested with benevolence, giving her some peace of mind right before finally falling asleep.

By the time she opened her eyes, a somewhat disoriented Elia could have sworn it hadn't been that long, but the bright light coming through a gap in the curtains showed otherwise. So, rubbing her eyes, she stretched out and then reached for the pocket watch on her nightstand, only to end up staring at it absolutely dumbfounded.

You were drained, remember? the voice in her head pointed out.

True, but has it really been that bad? She wasn't prone to sleep past noon. She couldn't even recall the last time that happened, or if it ever did. Silver lining was how considerably rested she felt after more than twelve hours of sleep.

Determined to make the most of what was left of her day, Elia got up and quickly dressed up, making a list in her head of the things she needed to thoroughly clean the house.

Aren't you forgetting something? Out of the blue, she heard Ilva's voice in her head, and the corner of her mouth quirked up a little.

"I know, I know. I'll make sure to get myself a filling lunch" the healer responded, considering she'd already skipped breakfast.

Having left her sheets and dirty clothes to soak in different buckets, Elia grabbed her jacket and shoulder bag from the coat rack, searched for the keys inside, and headed out to buy lunch; she'd waste a lot of time cooking otherwise.

Boiled potatoes and some chicken stew was all she found healthy enough, that late. However, by the time she returned, around 2 PM, the woman noticed something strange when she went into the kitchen to wash her hands. There was no trace of the numerous dishes, cups, and cutlery she'd left in the sink to wash. They weren't even on the dishrack, where she usually put them to drip dry. Things just got weirder when she intended to throw away the paper bag the potatoes have been given in, because the trash can was empty, yet the thing had been nearly full the night before. It was then, trying to figure what happened, that she inspected the rest of the room, noting the produce she'd acquired yesterday at the market weren't inside the grocery bag, but already in the fruit bowl onto the kitchen counter. Not even the kitchen towels were on sight, and she remembered not having used them the previous night because they smelled, so she went to the window at the back.

"How…?" they were right outside, somewhat damped but hanging tidily on the line to dry.

You may suffer from sleepwalking, Elia... she said to herself as she went back to the kitchen, now that her stomach growled, urging her to take a seat and have the food.

Within every bite though, it was impossible not to rack her brains to find a reasonable explanation. And the possibility of the sleepwalking scenario vanished the instant she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth afterwards, for she was positive it hadn't looked this neat when she used it after waking up.

Maybe I was still too drowsy from the many sleeping hours… she thought, unsure of herself.

Unable work this out, the healer went around the rest of her residence, observing other signs that unsettled her, such as the pristine, waxed floor, and no dust whatsoever on the furnishing. The only area that hadn't been taken care of was her room, where she'd been all night, which finally gave a hint of the real answer to this mystery. One that excited as much as scared her.

The nervousness she began to feel now that she'd set foot in her room was making her sweat, reflecting the apprehension of learning the assumption wasn't but her heart's desire; that she'd done all that, but her memories were failing due to the strain of working too many hours.

Just one way to find out… she thought, approaching her nightstand to open the small drawer.

A sense of relief took over her, subsiding the previous fear, and all she was left with was a tingle of ridiculous excitement going up her spine at the sight of a small, folded piece of paper below the titan ore he'd given her months ago. A custom that had become usual whenever he parted, leaving a message for her. Not the romantic kind precisely but instructions, a good tip on something –mostly cleaning related–, or safe places where she could train by herself, and sometimes a joke in between lines, with his characteristic dark humor.

No matter how mundane they could seem to others, they'd always be special and she'd forever treasure every single one, because they were his; thoughts dedicated to her.

With trembling fingers, and not daring to take it yet, Elia looked around, hoping to find him leaning against the doorframe or the wall, but she was completely alone.

Come on, sis... Ilva's voice came back, encouraging her to be brave and see what this was about.

Evidently, getting her hopes high was a mistake. For all she knew, he'd insist on convincing her not to follow their path, or worse, use his influence to stop her, like he'd warned.

We both know he'd never do that… this time her inner self intervened, reminding is not how Levi would do things. So, taking a long breath, the healer grabbed the note, and unfolded it carefully.

.

You're free to decline but I know I owe you an explanation. If you want it, you know where to find me. 6PM.

L.

.

Still holding the note in her hand, the woman walked towards the window, unsure if the invitation was exclusively for that.

It may be…or not… closing her eyes, she heard every single word repeating in her mind with that unmistakable, deep voice of his, although at this point it sure was a poor imitation of it. And she didn't want the memory but the real thing. Problem was the soldier had apparently made up his mind, a decision she might not like.

Gazing at a sky that hadn't been this clear in several days, Elia concluded nothing could get any worse than her current state. If he wanted to end things, at least he'd promised a reason; she'd been trying to find one on her own all this time, so wasting the opportunity was dumb.

Good call, sis... Ilva's voice said in her head, with pride.

The nights outside at this time of the year were quite cold, and in case this wasn't a short conversation, better take some precautions. And so, hours later and dressed in warmer clothing under a dark gray poncho, the healer was riding on the back of a beautiful caramel-colored mare she rented for a whole day. The medium size bag she carried made it look as if she was traveling, and so did the objects inside it, the same she'd needed during those days when he used to train her: two thick blankets, her thermos filled with water, tea leaves, bread, ham and some apples and carrots she bought before walking through the city doors. Fortunately, the inspection point at Trost's entrance went smoothly since the two officers stationed there recognized her face.

Noting merely one traveler advancing at a far distance from her on the main road, she soon lost sight of him when she took the fork that led to the closest river, where she'd later take the secret trail to their meeting point.

Within every step and despite knowing what she'd do if he insisted on contradicting her, Elia couldn't help her stomach being in a knot but, as expected, the unpleasant sensation vanished the moment she saw him there, next to his horse, wearing civilian clothes; dark brown pants, and a white T-shirt under a navy-blue traveling cloak. Nonetheless, none of those managed to conceal he'd recently lost weight.

The sole thing she hadn't seen yet was his face, for he was feeding the animal with something, and the hood hid the man's features.

The anticipation at his proximity and the longing to hug him hit her hard when he turned in her direction, having perceived the animal's hooves getting closer, as though she hadn't seen him in years. Problem was, even then it was difficult to smile, especially when those blue eyes looked so dull at first but hardened when they met hers. Not the best sign, but she kept moving forward.

"Mhph... Thought you might bring some company".

Elia seemed confused at first but then froze. The disdain in his words would have got anyone thinking he couldn't care less but she knew better. He was undoubtedly fuming.

"Seriously?" she was angry but mostly disappointed. After all they went through and their current issues, Garrett was the first thing he brought up "Is that the real reason I'm here?" she asked, ready to go back, no matter how much that hurt.

"What did he want now?" was all he said. Tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife "Let me guess… He learnt about you and I and thought to give another try with his pathetic, puppy eyes, didn't he?"

Although it deeply pained her, Elia tightened the reins of her horse and turned to leave without a single word. Upset as she was, she couldn't even cry at this point, not to mention she lacked the energy to fight him over this.

Just go home… the woman told herself when the exit of the trail got on sight, about thirty yards away.

When she'd been about to take the main road and without warning, the animal abruptly stopped, breaking the woman's train of thought. It was the soldier, standing straight ahead with the reins in his hand, blocking their path. Unsurprisingly, he kept glaring angrily at her instead of looking in the slightest repentant.

"Hands off, Captain Levi" Elia demanded, spurring on her mare to continue but even after shaking its head to get free, the creature's loud, frustrated neigh at his firm grip was enough to gather it was futile "You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want, ranting about your delusions. Me… I don't intend on hearing nonsense".

"Nonsense, huh?" he sneered, holding her gaze with defiance, still not letting go "Thought you came all this way for answers, but when I want one, it's bullshit".

"Even though I don't appreciate the twisting of my words, yes, I came here for that. But all I'm getting is a grown man having an unjustified fit of jealousy".

His eyes squinted in a way any other living thing would have flee to hide behind a tree, terrified, even more so when he clenched his fists, making his knuckles go white out of the purest rage at her unaltered face. They stayed like that for over a minute, until he finally realized she wouldn't yield.

"I hate the fact that he's back" the tone in his voice sounded calm but she sensed the hostility in his confession "Didn't you tell him you'd stay away for his own sake? Or is he so dim he needs other sort of explanation?"

It really maddened her to see no matter what she did, Levi would never cease to detest Garrett for loving her. That hurt, especially when she'd never given him reasons to believe she could reciprocate those feelings. But on another hand, the part of her that acknowledged the many hardships the soldier had faced, how insecure he was despite coming off as the complete opposite, led her to comprehend her friend's presence represented a threat, and his uncle Kenny had taught him how to deal with those, yet she was the very reason he couldn't lay a hand on him.

Just be honest, sis… Ilva's voice suggested, to what she sighed tiredly, giving up.

"His father passed away" her voice was stern, despite seeing a bit of remorse in his eyes. At least the soldier was somewhat ashamed, or he wouldn't have looked away. "His mom is heartbroken and not taking it well, to the point of getting sick. That's why he came to see me, to get her some medicines. Happy now?"

"Why not saying so before?" he answered through clench teeth, surely hating her friend even more for having a good reason.

"Because whenever he's involved, you do this. And it's tiring" he faced her again but added nothing else.

"Hmph…" was all she got after a while, but when Elia searched in his gaze, she was glad to see he honestly regretted the slip; not for Garrett, of course "I get it, but I'll never be happy to see him around you. You're…"

She could tell what he'd been about to say but practically bit his tongue not to, recalling he had no right to claim anything, which the healer confirmed when Levi let go of her horse and started heading back, passing them by. He was giving her the chance to leave if she truly wanted to.

Shaking her head with dejection, Elia considered continuing, but she didn't want to leave him on his own. After all, with his many qualities and flaws, he was the one she loved. So, patting the horse side gently, she guided it back to where he was going.

"Do not dismount. We'll trot most of the way" it was the only thing he instructed before getting inside the small clearing, to pick his stuff. Asking where he'd take her made no sense. She'd never done it, in case someone accidentally overheard.

In complete silence, the healer observed him getting on the back of his stallion, still not in the best of spirits, but the stiffness in the soldier's shoulders had subsided a little, and so did his anger, or so displayed the change in the color of his eyes, of a brighter blue when he looked at her for a second, as he passed by.

He's exhausted… Elia said to herself, worried about his noticeable lack of sleep, according to the prominent dark circles under his eyes, but chose not to mention it and simply spurred her mount to follow his.

As far she could tell, their destination wasn't close if they were riding at such pace, but she wouldn't complain when the breeze against her face felt so revitalizing, making her feel younger even. Lamentably, it came to an end like an hour later, when he slowed down, guiding her through a whole new path, denser than the ones they usually took, so much so that they had to walk at times not to continuously hit their heads with some of the branches from smaller trees. When they fortunately overcame that stretch, Elia was finally able to glimpse the first stars in the sky, stating it wouldn't be that long before needing lamps.

"You didn't have to clean and organize my house" she suddenly said, wanting to test the waters.

"True, but I had nothing else to do" he answered two minutes later. His tone as apathetic as his expression, but she soon noted it softened a little "From what I saw last night, even lifting a broom seemed like an impossible task to you".

"Having a good sleep is what you should have been doing" Elia tried to conceal the sadness behind the reprimanding tone.

Regardless the man's great condition and skills, his health was still worrisome. The paler skin, weight loss, and huge, dark rings under his eyes may not have a thing to do with her, but her absence had not made things better either.

Obviously, her selfish side was delighted about his gesture, showing he still cared about her, but it overall pained her to see him like this.

"That's what I did when I got back" he indicated, taking a new detour towards a wider path, enough to ride alongside him.

Without hesitation, Elia slightly bent and patted the side of her mare, urging it to accelerate a little. In two seconds, she was marching to his right.

"That's hard to believe considering the mess it was. It must have taken you all night" she pressed but didn't turn. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

"Mph," she heard him snort, amused by her observation "Calling a bit of dust here and there a mess sounds excessive, even for me. Your kitchen was the only that took me longer; doing the dishes without making noise is no easy task. The rest was a piece of cake".

Well, if he considered she'd overreacted about the state of her house, it may have been true; Levi hated filth and clutter spaces, so he wouldn't lie about that. Perhaps the stress and fatigue of knowing she hadn't performed the regular cleaning made her exaggerate. She wasn't entirely sure, so arguing over it was pointless.

"Thank you" she chose to say instead, keeping her eyes on the road, completely ignoring of the way he contemplated her out of the corner of his eye.

Since periods of silence weren't odd between them, especially in this kind of circumstances, they kept moving forward like that for over ten minutes. All the while, she just enjoyed the view of a gorgeous wood ahead, where trees lifted bushy crowns of different green tones heavenward.

"You looked like you hadn't slept a wink in weeks" she couldn't help being startled when hearing that "Why?"

"Errr… double shifts this past week," Elia replied without giving much thought; it was the truth. But the previous night had been particularly rougher because of Garrett's loss, which had affected her too, yet mentioning that wasn't the wisest call "A colleague's husband got very sick and she's taking care of him at home. Since I'm currently off duty from the store, thanks to Mr. Lee's idea of expansion, I was covering for her".

"I see" she heard him say in a low voice, not happy at all "You shouldn't have come then".

"It's fine. It's not like we're going to spend the whole night out anyways" she said, having the notion that he just wanted a clean break up and then go back.

The lack of corroboration confused her, until she gathered, that was precisely the intention by taking her somewhere far from the district.

A perplexed Elia automatically turned in his direction, but almost immediately went back to the front in response to the blush that had crept up his cheeks and the disillusionment in his eyes.

"Don't get your wires crossed. Having a good talk is all I had in mind" the soldier uttered, snorting afterwards to disguise this unusual embarrassment.

Elia simply nodded, repeating the words in his brief note to herself, and the unspoken promise to share everything that had happened. That would take time.

"No need to worry about my job. Next shift is on Saturday," the serene woman assured, wanting to ease both his discomfort and her agitation "The store will open on Wednesday. Thus, I have time".

"Good. Take that route to the right" he indicated now that they were a few feet away from it "We're close".

As soon as she did, Elia saw in the distance, through the trees, what appeared to be the towers of a small building.

Sighting no further detours spotted, she assumed the role as guide through the trail that had narrowed once more. That's how the last seven minutes passed, until they finally emerged to find the main road, heading straight to the gloomy, apparently abandoned, castle.

"Let's walk from here" she heard the soldier's feet touching the ground.

Imitating him, she took the reins of her horse and followed him to the stables. Levi got a key from his pocket and opened the lock after getting rid of the webs around it, beckoning her to help him settle the horses in adjoining compartments before removing their saddlebags, as well as the saddles. The idea was to leave them safe to rest, so she fetched them water from the pump connected to a well nearby, whereas the soldier looked for hay inside the storage room, past the many stalls.

"I'll wait outside" she said when she saw the soldier's stallion trying to follow him out, neighing vigorously "Seems he needs a talk with you first" she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"That mare makes him uneasy" he observed, without realizing even the horses resembled their current mood "Go on. Be right there".

By the time she exited the facility, night had finally fallen upon them, yet counting with a clear sky considerably improved visibility thanks to the light emitted by the moon and other stars.

Self-absorbed in her musings as she studied their surroundings and the lifeless building, the healer jumped when she felt a hand touching her shoulder. A reaction that was nothing more than a reflex but judging how the faint glow in his eyes faded, she realized it'd hurt him.

"I'm sorry" she muttered, letting out one long, sigh "I was just looking around".

"Apologizing over the most insignificant things… that always annoyed me" he uttered, increasing that sensation of a knot in her stomach. He may have still cared about her, but pointing that out was a bad sign, or so she thought until he continued "Stupid as it sounds, I've missed it".

As soon as he said it, he took the bags in which she was carrying her the heaviest objects and started walking towards the wood rather than the building, oblivious to the impact those words had caused, giving her hope.

Fight it or you'll regret it… the pessimistic part of her advised.

"I thought we were going in there" she commented, following him closely while doing as told or she'd lose whatever sanity she had left "Seems uninhabited".

"Reason why it must be filthy. Camping is a better idea" the man responded, his free hand pointing to an area surrounded by common vegetation, such as apple trees, a couple oaks, elms, and minor shrubs "We'll be fine. No one has been here since the week before the mission".

"We're at the Corps' former headquarters, aren't we?"

"Indeed" the soldier answered without even looking at the place but glanced in her direction while still walking "Useful for training or hiding important things. And a complete waste because of how far from the city it is".

"Oh" she honestly didn't know what to say to that, having just traveled from Trost; no wonder why they rarely used it. And if it was like this before Shiganshina, it was unlikely they'd give much use to it now; they didn't have enough people to station here anyways "Ilva mentioned it once and said something similar about not having a very strategic location, so to speak."

"Assigned to us to keep us away, but close enough in case we're needed," he said derisively as he held a thick branch that blocked the way so she could move "Shiganshina's first incident was the reason to move us to Trost. We solely kept it under our jurisdiction because the other high-ups don't give a shit about it".

"This is where Eren was brought the first time" it was impossible not to recall her last conversation with Petra, when they said goodbye "Doesn't seem like the comfiest facility, but this place is beautiful, an serves a purpose every once in a while" it was nice to think her friend's final days were at least here, in the company of the people she trusted and cared for.

Levi nodded, avoiding her gaze when they entered the area, and went to hang the lighter bags on the thickest branches and the heaviest below them, a couple feet away from an old tree stump where she'd started to organize their stuff, like she always did.

"I'll go get some firewood, and water to make tea" the sulky man announced, retrieving the two buckets she'd placed onto the stump, and quickly left.

The healer's lips formed a melancholic smile when he disappeared behind the trees, taking pleasure the smallest details even, such as his addiction to the beverage, still intact.

"It's a nice night" the healer muttered to herself, gazing up to the sky, cherishing the familiar feeling.

In spite of the fear she couldn't fully silence, Elia was grateful for his idea of taking her far from civilization and noise to talk.

It'd be a decent memory at least… she thought, appreciating the nature and the soothing murmuring coming from the animal life in the area, because it'd definitely make everything less traumatizing.

I'm finally back!

Sorry for taking this long but I had an accident a few months ago that stopped me from writing anything for quite a while (I fell down the stairs). A bummer, I know, but frankly the worst part was the depression that came along for being denied what I like to do. u.u

Fortunately, I'm all better now, hoping you're all doing well as well. And to those who've expressed both, your love for my story and concern over me throughout this time, I just want to say thanks, from the bottom of my heart. It truly means a lot.

Namárië