Chapter 25:guess who's coming
Tori opened the door to the apartment and was shocked to see Cat standing there. "Cat! What are you doing here?"
Cat immediately reached out and hugged her friend, her usual exuberance bubbling over. "I just came to visit you and wanted to surprise you!" Before, that would really throw her into a manic tailspin. Yes, Tori was better regulated, but she still felt the pressure to mask and perform when she was not ready.
Tori gently pulled back, her mind racing. The other two inhabitants of the apartment were not any better with uninvited guests. Jade being incredibly vulnerable and raw since revisiting her childhood, she had been distant and closed off. Jade was prone to emotional outbursts. But she couldn't turn her friend away.
She looked behind her then stepped forward closing the apartment door behind her. "Cat, surprises are... well, they're kind of triggering for all three of us here. But I'm still really happy to see you."
Cat's face fell slightly, a flicker of guilt in her eyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, Tori. I didn't think about that."
Tori gave her a reassuring smile, trying to ease her friend's discomfort. "It's okay. Just wait here for a moment, alright? I need to let Jade know what's going on."
Cat nodded, stepping back to give Tori some space. Tori hurried into the apartment, finding Jade in the living room. Jade looked up, concern etched on her face.
"There's an unexpected visitor," Tori said, her voice calm but serious. "It's Cat. I'll handle it, don't worry."
Jade's eyes widened slightly. "Do you need me to come with you? I know how triggering this can be."
Tori shook her head, her heart aching at the sight of her incredibly hurt girlfriend. "No, it's okay. Just stay here. I'll be back soon."
With a nod, Jade watched as Tori went back to the door. Tori took Cat by the arm, leading her out of the building and down the street to the café where she had first met Jade.
Once they were seated, Tori took a deep breath and explained the situation. "Cat, I appreciate you coming all the way out here, but just showing up like this is really hard for us. We're all dealing with a lot."
Cat's face turned red with embarrassment and regret. "I'm so sorry, Tori. I didn't think about how that might affect you guys."
Tori reached out, squeezing Cat's hand reassuringly. "It's okay. I'm glad you're here, really. But I need you to go back home and recharge. Maybe we can get together for dinner once I've had some time to get used to the idea of you being in Los Angeles."
Cat nodded, her eyes earnest. "Of course. I'll head back. Just let me know when you're ready."
Tori smiled, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. "Thanks, Cat. I'll see you soon."
With that, they parted ways. Tori watched Cat leave, then headed back home, feeling a mix of relief and lingering tension. She knew it would take time to fully recover from the unexpected visit, but for now, she was just glad to be heading back to the comfort of her apartment and the support of her friends.
Tori returned home, her nerves frayed from the encounter with Cat. Masking her reaction for her friend's benefit had taken its toll, and she felt emotionally exhausted. She decided to crawl into bed next to her emotionally depleted girlfriend, knowing that trying to get anything out of Jade in this state would be futile.
As she settled beside Jade, Tori whispered, her voice barely audible, "Do you think this is going to work? We can't both be like this. Not at the same time. This isn't how the world works."
Jade lay still, her eyes fixed on the ceiling. After a long pause, she spoke, her voice tinged with resignation. "Maybe we should break up. I'm not capable of giving anything to anyone right now."
Tori felt the sting of rejection, a sharp pain in her chest. Fighting back tears, she nodded, her voice shaking. "Okay. I understand. I'll pack some of my things and stay with Cat while she's here. Then maybe... maybe after, we can talk more rationally."
Jade didn't respond, and Tori quietly got up from the bed. She moved through the apartment, gathering her essentials, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. The reality of their situation hit her hard—two people drowning in their own struggles, unable to save each other.
As she packed, she glanced back at Jade, lying still and silent. The distance between them felt insurmountable, a chasm that neither of them could cross in their current states. Tori took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.
She finished packing and stood by the door, taking one last look around the apartment that had been their shared space. With a heavy heart, she left, closing the door softly behind her.
Outside, the world moved on as usual, oblivious to the turmoil within. Tori made her way to Cat's place, each step feeling heavier than the last. She hoped that some time apart might bring clarity and healing, but for now, all she could do was take it one day at a time.
Tori arrived at Cat's place, carrying the weight of her unresolved emotions and the recent breakup with Jade. She knew Cat was eager to see her, to reconnect and catch up, but Tori was in no state to fully explain the turmoil inside her. Instead, she slipped into an old habit—masking her true feelings.
She put on a cheerful facade, laughing and joking with Cat as if everything was okay. She even skipped her medications, hoping to keep up the pretense of being the Tori Cat remembered. The lack of medication soon led to a slight hypomanic episode. Cat, unaware of Tori's struggles, felt relieved and happy to see her friend seemingly back to her old self.
"Tori, it's so good to see you like this!" Cat exclaimed one evening. "You seem... happy."
"Yeah, it's great to catch up," Tori replied, forcing a smile. Inside, she felt a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.
Despite the facade, Tori continued her therapy sessions. During one session, her therapist immediately noticed the signs of hypomania.
"What's changed in your routine, Tori?" the therapist asked, concern evident in their voice.
Tori hesitated, then the words began to spill out. "Everything. I... I left Jade. I thought I could handle it, but I can't. She was so emotionally unavailable, and I tried to be there for her, but she didn't really love me. I loved her so much, and now... now I'm just stuck. I don't think I'll ever be happy again. Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I just... died."
The therapist leaned forward, their tone gentle yet firm. "Tori, listen to yourself. You're in pain, and you're masking that pain instead of addressing it. Cat's presence, your breakup with Jade—these are all triggering deep-seated issues. You need to face them, not hide from them."
Tori nodded, tears streaming down her face. "But I don't know how."
"We'll work through this together," the therapist assured her. "But for now, you need to be honest with yourself and those around you. Maybe staying with Cat isn't the best idea right now. You need to be in a space where you can truly focus on healing."
Tori took a deep breath, letting the words sink in. "You're right. I've been pretending everything is fine, but it's not. I need to go back, face Jade, and figure this out."
The therapist smiled softly. "That's a good start. And remember, you're not alone in this. I'm here to help you every step of the way."
Leaving the therapist's office, Tori felt a small glimmer of hope. It was time to stop pretending, to face her reality head-on. She needed to go home, not just to the apartment she shared with Jade, but to a place where she could start healing. And maybe, just maybe, find a way to be happy again.
After about five days, Tori decided it was time to go home. The apartment felt both familiar and foreign as she stepped through the door. Sinjin was standing anxiously by the bedroom, his face pale with worry.
"Tori, thank God you're back," he said, his voice trembling. "Jade hasn't responded in days. I... I'm afraid to open the door."
A wave of dread washed over Tori. She felt a knot tightening in her stomach as she approached the bedroom door. Sinjin's fear was contagious, and her hands shook as she reached for the doorknob.
She took a deep breath, pushing the door open. The room was dim, the air heavy with an unsettling silence. Tori's heart pounded as she scanned the room, finally spotting Jade on the floor of the bathroom, motionless.
"Jade!" Tori screamed, rushing to her side. A bottle of pills was scattered around her, and for a terrifying moment, Tori thought the worst. She knelt down, touching Jade's cheek. Her skin was warm, a small but significant reassurance.
"Sinjin, call 911!" Tori yelled over her shoulder, her voice cracking with panic. But as she looked closer, she realized the pills scattered around weren't anything dangerous—they were vitamins. Jade had a large lump on her forehead, likely from hitting her head when she fell.
Tori exhaled, her breath shaky as relief and panic intermingled. She gently patted Jade's cheek, trying to rouse her. "Jade, wake up. Please wake up."
Jade stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering open. Her pupils were blown, indicating a concussion, but she was breathing and conscious. Tori's eyes filled with tears, the initial terror giving way to overwhelming relief.
"Don't cry… I missed you," Jade murmured, her voice weak.
"What happened?" Tori asked, brushing a strand of hair from Jade's face.
"I forgot to eat," Jade replied, her tone matter-of-fact despite the gravity of the situation. "That's not a good idea."
Tori let out a small, strained laugh. "No... it isn't." She helped Jade sit up slowly, her movements gentle and deliberate. "Can you sit up?"
With Tori's support, Jade managed to sit up. Tori guided her carefully to the bed, helping her lie down. "We need to get you into treatment for this, Jade. Your eating disorder... it's too much. Don't worry about how we'll pay for it. I'll take care of everything."
Jade looked at her, gratitude and vulnerability shining in her eyes. "I don't want to be a burden."
"You're not a burden," Tori insisted. "I am never leaving you again."
A small smile tugged at Jade's lips. "I love you."
Tori leaned in, kissing her forehead gently. "I love you too."