Mario and Luigi observed their surroundings. The path had ended and now there were giant mushroom platforms jutting into the sky, populated by bouncing flying turtles and more of those stubby brown creatures.

"No, like, actually, what the fuck," Luigi deadpanned.

"Someone out there has it in for us," Mario replied, watching one of the mushrooms plummet into the abyss.

"Yeah, maybe someone could write me to get some play!" Luigi yelled into the distance. "Eh?"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Luigi, we're under contract," Mario admonished. "Race you to the end!"

"What end? It's literally a fucki-goddammit!"

Luigi jumped from platform to platform, trying in vain to keep up with his brother. "You tubby bastard! Wait for me, dammit!"

Mario hopped to a high mushroom and threw his fists up in victory. "Take that, you shrimpy green fuck! I'm the best! Oh, yeah! I'm the best! Lick my nuts! I'm the best!"

A big-eyed red fish jumped out of the fucking sky and clamped onto Mario's ass.

"Oh, fuck! What the fuck is that?! Oh, fuck! Help me, Luigi! Jesus Christ!"

"This is so fucked up," Luigi muttered. "Aw, shit!"

A cluster of fish rained down from the heavens, maws agape and asscheeks clapping. Mario and Luigi barely pulled down their hats before the fish smacked into their bodies, knocking them on their asses and almost off the mushrooms.

"Mario? Mario, are you okay?!" Luigi yelled after the final fish fell.

"Luigi, help! The goddamn thing is face-fucking me! Fucking shit!"

Luigi wrenched the horny fish from Mario's big-ass nose and waited for it to return to its natural color. "What the fuck is going on?!"

Mario looked into the sky and saw another shitwhack of fish ready to take a bite of their dongs. "Let's go!"

Between darting among the hell-swarm of fish and yelling at each other to hurry the fuck up, the brothers broke multiple Olympic records and barely made it out with their dicks attached to their balls.

"How has nobody done something about this?" Luigi panted.

"No time to think about that, Luigi, look," Mario pointed.

Luigi glanced up. "Is that a fucking flag with a skull on it?"

"Certainly appears so," Mario replied.

"Yeah, that's it. I'm done. Fuck this shit. I've been chasing your fat ass all over creation and I've gotten stabbed, shot, stomped on, skewered, I had a fucking plant chomp onto my dick, everything."

"I revived you with that green mushroom," Mario pointed out.

"After you made me fall off a cliff!" Luigi shouted. "Does it not concern you even a little that there's life-giving mushrooms around to begin with?"

"The red ones were pretty good," Mario muttered.

"Shut the fuck up. I'm leaving." Luigi started to storm away.

"But the poon, Luigi, think of the poon!" Mario cried, desperately clutching at his hand.

"Who gives a shit about the poon?! You were just gonna hog it all for yourself anyway!"

"I swear on my Italian ass I won't," Mario promised.

"You're serious?" Luigi asked.

"On the grave of Satoru Iwata," Mario said, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Well, in that case…race you there, you fat piece of shit!" Luigi ran off.

"You lanky bitch! Can't you see there's a…know what, fuck it. Hope that dipshit knows how to swim."