"Whether we like to admit it or not, we belong to the people we'd bleed ourselves dry for." - Beau Taplin
It shouldn't be this hard to write, she thinks, gripping the pencil in between her thumb and index finger.
It really shouldn't, not for someone who has always said what she meant without worrying about being insensitive, who couldn't care less about how many people she pisses off along the way while at it. And most definitely not for someone as surefooted as she is.
It's just Fushiguro, Nobara attempts to reason with herself though the reminder does little else but rattle her even more — which is ridiculous. She had told him he looked like someone who sets oil-slicked seagulls on fire the day of their first meeting.
What happened to that girl?
Her other hand, the one that isn't holding the pencil, reaches out, fingertips skimming across her eye patch and tentatively tracing its outline. Therein lies her answer.
Shibuya happened.
And nothing's been the same since. Not the whole of Jujutsu sorcerers' society, not Gojo-sensei, not Maki, not baka Itadori, not Fushiguro...
...not her.
Crack.
It takes Nobara a few seconds to realize that is the third pencil she breaks in the half an hour since she's been sitting down at her desk with the intention of writing. She growls and dumps its remains in the trash bin but it's useless for something other than keeping her workspace clean because tiny wooden splinters still managed to pierce her skin.
Maybe she should write him a text message instead.
Nobara spends the next ten minutes or so both pulling out the damn things and trying to talk herself out of writing anything. It's not as if she plans on sending Fushiguro the lett–text, anyways. It would be a waste of time and creative effort. Still, her therapist said it's important for her healing journey, said it'd help. She already did it for the others and though the feeling of being left behind has never truly disappeared...it's easier to bear now.
Most of the time.
Gojo-sensei is still stuck in the Prison Realm even now, two months after her discharge while Maki and Yuji are literally being wanted for kin massacre and manslaughter, respectively.
There is no definitive proof to support Maki had anything to do with her family's killings. And, even if there was, it's Maki. She must have had a good reason. As for Itadori... Well, Itadori's only crime was having the misfortune of becoming vessel to Sukuna. So, as far as Nobara is concerned, her friends aren't guilty of anything but crappy fates.
She can't make the same case for Fushiguro, however.
The others all have valid reasons for missing, for not visiting her at the hospital, for not being around. He just up and left. Where to? That she doesn't know. No one knows. He might be dead. She doesn't like that option, tells herself he is probably off somewhere searching for a way to free Gojo-sensei without suffering the consequences...
That, or he is helping Itadori hide. Both racking their brains for solutions and having sleepovers and roadtrips without her. Nobara won't admit it but she prefers thinking Fushiguro abandoned her over worrying that he is gone for good. If he is, she won't have the chance to yell at him. And God knows she wants to, if only to regain some sense of normalcy. There is more to it than that, of course but she won't admit to it any more than she will to the other thing.
Nobara clicks her tongue, staring at the screen of her phone before deciding to just type and get it over with.
'Dear Megumi, you are an asshole for leaving before I even woke up.'
She scrunches up her nose in distaste and deletes the entire thing. Tries again.
'Hey dumb, is dumber with you? I have words for you both!'
That doesn't sound right, either, so she deletes it as well.
Baka Fushiguro,
You have some nerve to–
Nobara stops herself and deletes for what must be the third time — no different than her replacing pencils, she muses bitterly.
...Not that she is keeping score or anything. That would imply she cares more than she does.
And she doesn't.
Not a lot, at any rate. Certainly not enough to be breaking pencils and rewrite...
Bah, who was she trying to fool here?
She groans and drops her head on her desk a little more forcefully than intended, enough to cause a bump that she will later look at and frown in disappointment. She nurses the spot for a moment, glancing sideways and out the window at a plane flying above.
And it's then that Nobara has one of the biggest epiphanies of her life thus far.
Why write when she can just look for him and say it all in person? Most of her injures have fully healed by now although Shoko has warned against overextending herself for a minimum of two more months.
Head injures are not to be taken lightly, she said.
As if Nobara wasn't acutely aware of such fact. As if the only thing stopping her from going after Fushiguro or Itadori or on a quest to help Gojo-sensei escape from the second she woke up hadn't been her gravely injured state. She won't throw caution to the wind and jump right back into fighting again... if she can help it. A liability is something people have never accused Kugisaki Nobara of being before and she isn't about to let them start doing so now.
Convincing the Council that neither Itadori or Maki contacted her will be a herculean task in and on itself, however, despite it being the truth. They haven't contacted her. She hasn't tried to contact them, either. It's also why she has yet to call Fushiguro and yell his ears off through the phone. In case even one of them is currently with him, she'd be delivering her friends to the Council on a silver platter.
That's something Nobara could never forgive herself for.
There are only so many seats open in her life, and though people coming in and adding their own has happened before, and isn't out of the question... replacing those already taken seats very much is.
Surprisingly or not, Itadori and Maki aren't their first concerns.
"Will you try breaking the seal put on Gojo Satoru?"
It's sensei they ask about first and Nobara falters. It sounds to her as though freeing Gojo-sensei it's the last thing the Council wants. She'd be mad if it didn't make sense. She is mad because it does.
"...You give someone who only recently recovered from being comatose too much credit."
Nobara's response is as vague as she has ever been. Still blunt and cutthroat, deliberately reminding them of all the shit she has been through but it's neither lie nor truth. She is going after Fushiguro. That's why she is leaving. If it just so happens that she gets her hands on a way to rescue Gojo-sensei and overthrow their asses, that's that.
Call it overachiver's fault. Though close, she can't be perfect. It would be unfair.
"Your medical records say you were discharged from the hospital two months ago, Miss Kugisaki." one of the women says, flipping through her file as though it's a celebrities' magazine.
Enough time to gather my strength back and wreck your shitty plans, huh?
"Then why does the doctor who treated me insist I don't resume activity for another two more?" she retorts with no short amount of sarcasm.
Their pause is satisfactory as they exchange looks amongst themselves.
"Miss Shoko said so?"
"Yep. More than once. It's almost background noise at this point. I'm not taking a vacation for my sake here...well, unless you count the wellbeing of my ears..." Nobara pauses, having cupped her mouth as though it's a secret to be shared.
They have another thing coming for them if they think they can intimidate her.
"Let me add that Ieiri-san confessed I give her anxiety and as long as I'm around sorcerers, the temptation to jump headfirst into fights will be strong...which it is. Sort of. So, going away for a bit would let her focus on other, more important matters than whether Kugisaki Nobara will lose it and headbutt someone one of these days."
She hasn't lied, not once. It's their fault, really. What kind of interrogation is this? They don't even know how to ask questions properly.
"And what about Itadori Yuji and Maki Zenin?"
She tiltes her head to the side.
"What about them?"
Someone sighs. Another person has been rubbing a hand over his face for the past five minutes or so.
Good. The more I tire them out, the less interested will they be in my whereabouts.
"Did they try to get in touch with you?"
Nobara shakes her head.
"Not at all. I actually feel kind of hurt that they didn't. In fact, it's so bad that my therapist says they are probably going to end up giving me abandonment issues, if they haven't already."
"Miss Kugisaki, I believe you don't understand the gravity of this situation. Need I remind you that Itadori Yuji and Maki Zenin have committed horrendous crimes and that removing the seal on Gojo Satoru will turn you into a traitor?"
It wasn't Yuji, you fat geezer but Sukuna. And sensei is not to blame, either.
Nobara makes her hands fists and clenches them at her sides.
"Do you, understand?"
"Excuse me?"
Her body is shaking and months of feeling helpless, lost and hideous looking suddenly spill forth.
"Do you understand how it feels like to have half your head blown away with one eye permanently removed from your skull, your vision forever impaired and several internal lesions, all of which grant you a survival chance similar to that of a final stage cancer patient, at sixteen? Only to wake up and discover everyone you ever relied on or thought you could rely on...had yet to spend a minute at your bedside? What about when you realize they never will? That you are alone?"
The room falls silent. She didn't mean to lose her composure but luckily for her, it has the desired effect. They don't question her any further.
"You may leave."
Mission accomplished.
She bows slightly, knowing that's as close to an approval as she is ever going to get. There is much standing on the tip of her tongue, still but it's for different ears and she isn't about to stay and waste her breath on them any longer than necessary. Nobara lifts up her chin, prouder than she feels and turns around to walk away.
The single tear rolling down her cheek wasn't part of her 'fool the Council performance.'