Chapter 018: Secrets Don't Make Friends

If I had learned anything in my sixteen years old life, it was that life was always changing. Just a few weeks ago, my biggest problem was homework and exams. Today, it was murderous monsters and a portal to an alternate dimension. I had always wished that one—just one—exciting thing would happen in Hawkins, but I never imagined it'd be this. I also would've never thought I'd be stuck right in the middle of it.

I was sitting in the front seat of Hopper's SUV, my hands in my lap as I stared out at the blurs of streetlamps and living room lights. The kids were stuck in the seats behind us, all of them just as silent as me.

Hopper was the first to cut the silence, drifting over to cast me a quick glance, his hand gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were white. "What happened to your face," he asked simply.

I was suddenly reminded of my now swollen face, pulling down the visor to see just how bad it looked. There was now a dark, black bruise forming around my eye just atop a sore, pink cheekbone. "I tried to break up the fight," I said. It wasn't technically a lie, but I didn't exactly want to give him every detail. It was safe to assume he already knew about Steve and Jonathan this morning.

"You got hit?"

I shrugged, hoping he would change the subject. "It's not a big deal. It was an accident."

He paused for a moment, allowing me to look back out the passenger window, before he spoke again. "You've gotta be more careful, kid."

I let out a dark chuckle. How ironic. "You know, I've spent the last sixteen years of my life living in the background. There hasn't been a day that I haven't been scared of something. I've always wanted to be the hero. I thought it'd make my life easier, that all of the anxiety I have would just go away. But now that I have that opportunity…I'm even more terrified than I was in the first place."

"Listen, I'm not going to let anything happen to you guys, alright?"

It was a nice thing to say, but it was a promise nobody could keep right now. We were right in the eye of the storm, and the only people that could get everyone out of it were an extremely awkward teenager and an eleven-year-old girl. The odds weren't exactly in our favor. Our only real chance at beating this thing was Eleven. She had taught me so much in the span of two hours, things that should've been way out of her age range, things that no child should ever have to worry about. She was the key.

Never in my life had I been more relieved to see that familiar front door of the Byers house, and that was saying a lot. It felt like a safe haven. We had finally gotten away from those nasty lab rats. We were all back together now. I held my breath as Hopper pulled up to the front yard, hoping and praying that everyone was still okay. The moment I saw them all rushing out the door—Joyce, Nancy, Jonathan—I busted into tears. I was so scared, and seeing their faces felt like a security blanket.

Jonathan was the first one to reach us, Nancy making a beeline for Mike right behind him. He ran to me, his arms wrapping around my torso. The moment I breathed in his scent, I cried even harder. All I had wanted in that moment was him. Everything else disappeared, from the people around us to every problem we've faced since this whole thing started. It was my checkpoint of peace.

"Okay, so in this example, we're the acrobat. Will, Barbara, and the monster, they're the flea," Mike started to explain. "This is the Upside Down, where Will is hiding. Mr. Clarke said the only way to get there is through a rip in time and space."

"A gate," Dustin added.

"The one in Hawkins Lab," I explained. "It has some kind of electromagnetic pull. I think that's what attracted me to it."

"And we tracked it with our compasses," Dustin said, earning a few confused looks from everyone but the five of us. "A strong electromagnetic field can change the direction of a compass needle."

"They have it hidden in a room underneath the lab. It's not easy to get to."

I felt Jonathan slip a comforting hand over mine just as Joyce sat forward, looking directly at Eleven. "Is there any way that you could…that you could reach Will? Could you talk to him in this—"

"The Upside Down," El interrupted.

"The Upside Down," Joyce repeated, to which El nodded.

"And my friend Barbara," Nancy asked. "Can you find her too?"

El hesitated, giving her a strange look, one that I knew all too well. While she had been able to 'find' Will in the past, the same couldn't be said for Barb. There was a high possibility that she wouldn't be able to reach her. There's no telling if she had even survived, but I was there when she disappeared, and I remember exactly how vicious that Demogorgon had been when it went after her.

"W—what do you need," Joyce asked. "What do you need to find him?"

El didn't say anything, instead answering with one glance towards Mike's walkie talkie. Of course, I thought. If she was going to use anything to channel Will, she would need to quite literally channel him. Joyce all but jumped up, placing a gentle hand on El's shoulder as Mike followed closely behind, his radio in hand. I looked over at Hopper, who hadn't even moved an inch in his armchair. I wondered what he was thinking, whether he thought this was going to work or not. Eleven was strong. She had taught me so much today, but she was drained.

Jonathan followed the rest of them, his hand still wrapped around mine. I stayed in place, looking at Hopper. Jonathan noticed as soon as his arm tugged against my statuesque body. He understood. I could tell by the gentle eyes he had given me when he noticed how glued I was to that armchair. He gracefully dropped my hand and headed into the kitchen with everyone else, leaving me with a comatose Hopper.

"You're worried," I said, not even attempting to make it sound like a question. He didn't say anything. "Hop, if you start freaking out, I'm going to start freaking out, okay?"

"I'm not freaking out," he replied sternly. "I'm thinking."

"About what?"

"Your uncle"

I took a deep breath. This whole time, I had been feeling like my uncle's disappearance had taken a backseat to Will's. Don't get me wrong, I love Will. He was my innocent little brother, whether we were blood or not. But I also loved my uncle, a lot. I understood that, in the moment, reaching Will was much more plausible than reaching him. At least we knew where Will was. The same couldn't be said about Jack.

"I'm going to find him," Hopper promised me. "I don't know if he's with Will or if the lab has him, but I will find him."

My eyes started to water. Hopper had always been the 'nobody gets left behind' type of person, but it meant even more to me that he was so dedicated to bringing Jack back home to me. "I know you will," I managed to choke out. "But right now, we need to focus on finding Will. I've seen him, and he needs help. He needs our help."

Hopper smirked at me, though it was a faint one. "You know, thirteen years ago you wouldn't even tell me your name."

"Yeah, well I couldn't spell it thirteen years ago either," I joked.

The two of us were interrupted by Joyce calling my name. She hurried over to us, letting us know that Eleven was all set up and ready. I nodded at her, ready to end this whole thing and bring our Will back. Hopper got up as I followed him and Joyce into the kitchen, where I was met with El's tired eyes. Pictures of Barb and Will were placed on the table in front of her as the radio crackled in the background. I took a spot next to Hopper, who had been watching from a few feet away whilst everyone else crowded around the table.

The static continued to break through the atmosphere. Everyone was staring at El, searching for answers. If I was her, I would've wanted to crawl right into a hole with that many eyes on me. Still, she was brave, much braver than I had ever been. Her eyes started to move back and forth underneath her eyelids. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't look away. The lights started to flicker for a moment, but I kept watching her up until the moment she opened her eyes. They were glossy and her lips moved into a whimper.

She looked right at Joyce as it all washed over her. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Joyce sat up, reaching for Jonathan's hand as she scrambled for some sign, any sign that she had been able to find Will. "W—what? What's wrong? W—what happened?" Her voice was soft, but you could still hear the panic in it.

El's tears started to rush to the surface as she looked away. "I can't find them," she whimpered.

The circle broke up immediately, like she had just let them all down. It made me feel a bit irritated. This girl was so strong and mind baffling. She was the key, I know it. I looked between everyone, from Jonathan, Nancy, and the kids, who were all reeling with unmet expectations, to Hopper, who was clearly concerned but doing his best to hide it, and then to Joyce. Her expression broke my heart. She loved Will more than anyone in this room. If we couldn't find him in time—if we were already too late—she would never recover from it.

Joyce seemed to feel my eyes on her, because she lit up the moment hers met mine. "W—what if Daisy can help you? You can help her, can't you? There has to be something you can do. Y—you can go there. You can go there, and you can find him."

"Joyce," Hopper interrupted, "you can't ask her to do that."

"He's my son," she shot back. "She can do it. She's done it before."

All eyes fell on me. My heart rate started to speed up. I did not like all the sudden attention. "I—I don't really know how. I've only ever done it on purpose once," I said, flickering over to Nancy. "Even then, I wasn't sure if I'd make it back or not."

Joyce let out a defeated sigh, slumping back in her chair. I felt terrible for telling her no, even if I didn't actually say the word. My expression must have sunk, because Jonathan was at my side immediately, his hand gently grazing the small of my back as I buried my head in his shoulder. Will had never felt so out of reach.

"Can I use the bathroom," El's feeble voice asked.

I heard the shuffling of a couple feet but never looked up. I couldn't bear to see the look on Joyce's face again, the hurt and absolute anguish for her lost son. Jonathan's hand moved to my side, pulling me closer towards him. I didn't cry this time. I was too exhausted. Somehow, I think that was even worse than if I did. Voices kept going back and forth, but I didn't listen very intently until I heard someone mention how she had shown me to control myself earlier.

It was so obvious that I couldn't believe I hadn't realized it sooner. Any time that I had used a considerable amount of my power, I passed out. I always felt exhausted until I was able to recover from it. "She's tired," I muttered as I pulled my face back out. "She's tired," I repeated, this time loud enough for everyone to hear me. "Whenever I use too much power, I get tired. It's got to be the same for her."

"The more energy she uses, the more tired she gets," Dustin finally realized.

"She flipped a van earlier," Lucas said. "And she made Daisy glow."

"It was awesome," Dustin added.

"But she's drained," Mike interjected.

Joyce looked between the four of us before stopping at me. "Well, what do you do? How do we make her better?"

I hesitated. How do we make her better? "Rest. The only thing we can do is let her charge up and try again."

"Well, how long," Nancy asked.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. It depends on how much energy she's used up."

"There has to be something you can do," Joyce said, her voice pleading. "You've found him before, you can do it again. I know you can."

I paused for a moment. I didn't know if this was a good idea or not, but the least I could do was try. The worst thing that could happen is I would pass out at the table, but at least they would still have Eleven. And if this did work, if I could find Will, it would be worth it.

"Okay," I finally said, "I'll try."

In case I hadn't mentioned it before, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. There wasn't much noise coming through the house, but I could feel each set of eyes burning into me. Each stare was so loud that it was impossible to concentrate. I couldn't take it. I sighed, opening my eyes to see everyone huddled around me just like they had with Eleven.

"Staring at me won't make this any easier."

As if on cue, everyone's heads seemed to snap in every direction, some looking to the right, some to the left, and some straight at the whites of their shoelaces. I sucked in another breath, realizing this was probably the best I was going to get, and closed my eyes again.

Create a connection. Create a connection. Create a connection.

The words rang through my head over and over again. I was trying my best, I swear. I thought of Will and how much I wanted to find him, of the Upside Down and that dastard Demogorgon. It was all so much at once. There was too much pressure. It felt like carrying bricks on top of each shoulder. Create a connection. I did my best to steady my breathing, imagining myself searching for Will through all the sludge and debris. I had to concentrate much harder than I usually did. Compared to right now, all of that seemed completely effortless. I was fighting to break through.

Once I had managed to get to the Upside Down—or what I thought was the Upside Down—it felt different. Something was off. I tried looking around, seeing the familiar haze and the pulsating vines strung across the ground. Nothing looked familiar. I had absolutely no idea where I was. This didn't look like Hawkins, or at least not any part of it that I had been to. There were no Demogorgons, no fear fogging up the view, and no strange noises lingering in the distance.

That's when I realized I couldn't hear anything. This place was just as silent as it had been in the beginning, if not more. Unlike every time before, I couldn't pick anything up with the rest of my senses. When I looked down, I couldn't help but gasp. There was nothing there. When I say there was nothing there, I mean my body. It was like I was watching a TV show, observing everything from a distance, feeling the connection without actually being a part of it. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could barely even move my head.

It wasn't long until the light from the sky started to dim. No, no, no, I started to panic. Everything had happened within a matter of seconds. I hadn't even had time to search for Will. Stay awake, I thought to myself with gritted teeth. It was no use though. Everything was already starting to get darker and darker until I was left inside a black hole. I started panicking. Nothing like this had ever happened before. I always ended up passing out and waking up safe and sound, but now I was stuck in total and complete darkness.

Daisy, I heard a voice call from the distance. Daisy, come back.

I concentrated harder than ever. There was nothing here to ground myself with, no noise, no touch, no sight. All I had was myself, and man was that scary. Here I was, sixteen years old and absolutely terrified, sitting in a black hole within my own mind. Daisy, I heard again. I snapped up as I scanned the room, finally seeing a small sliver of light just across from me. Daisy, it echoed. It was now clear that this voice was coming from this small tear within my mind. I was able to look down and see my own legs, picking up one after the other as I headed towards the light.

I came back with a loud gasp. Once I had touched the light, it was like I was thrown right back into the real world. The wind was knocked out of me, my head spinning, and a thick trail of blood dripping onto my sweater. The first thing I felt was a pair of arms wrapping around my shoulders and engulfing me with the biggest bear hug. "Daisy," Jonathan said, his voice much less distorted than it had been just a few seconds ago. "You're okay," he said as I tried to control my vicious trembling.

The room fell quiet for a moment, everyone just watching me with various looks, some with concern and others with confusion. I hung on to Jonathan for dear life, afraid that if I let him go, I'd be sucked right back into that black hole. "I'm sorry," I choked out, my voice muffled by Jonathan's shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't find him."

Joyce was the first one to speak. "Try again," she said, her voice small but strong. "I need you to try again. You—"

"Mom," Jonathan interrupted. "She needs time."

"Joyce, she's not doing it again," Hopper said firmly.

"She's the only way," Joyce exclaimed. "She can do this! I know she can!"

"She almost died," Jonathan yelled back. "If we lose her, then we lose Will! She needs time."

The two were interrupted by a small, feeble voice emerging from the hallway. "The bath," Eleven squeaked out.

"What," Joyce asked as everyone turned towards El.

"I can find them," she said, turning her eyes to mine for a moment, "in the bath."

It was ten o'clock on a Saturday night, and Dustin was sitting in the kitchen harassing the middle school science teacher about a sensory deprivation tank. It was the only thing any of us could think of that would help El with her powers. The kids were scrambling to make a list of everything they would need as I wandered over to her. She looked so small and fragile, such a deceit to who she really was. She was the strongest person I knew.

"It's going to be okay," I told her. "You're going to find them. I know you are."

She looked over at me slowly, a weak look of acknowledgment on her face. "Will you help me," she asked with big eyes.

I hesitated for a moment. I would've liked to just nod my head and promise, but I didn't want to give her false hope. "I'll try," I told her, even though I was definitely doubting myself now.

"I'll see you on Monday, Mr. Clarke," I heard Dustin saying as he reached to put the phone down, "bye." As soon as the phone was back on the hook, he reared right around to Joyce, who had been sitting at the other end of the table. "Do you still have that kiddie pool that we bobbed for apples in," he asked her.

Joyce hesitated for a moment, obviously confused. "I think so."

"Good," he said. "So that means we just need salt."

"Salt," I repeated.

"1,500 pounds of it," he replied, looking down at his notepad to double check his math.

"And where do you plan to get 1,500 pounds of salt?"

"The town has some for when it snows, right," he asked, looking towards the sheriff.

Hopper's expression was still insanely focused and almost impossible to read, but I knew what was going on. He was running back the plan, searching for any possible holes in it. "Okay, so we got salt and a kiddie pool. What else do you need?"

"Duct tape, goggles, and a hose"

"I have goggles," I said. "My uncle has, like, a million of them somewhere in his closet. I'm sure there's probably some duct tape too. I can go look for them right now. I should probably change my sweater anyway," I said, looking down at my bloody collar.

I felt a hand grab my wrist as I moved to stand up. "I'll go with you," Jonathan offered, "in case something happens."

"Okay, so Daisy and Jonathan have the goggles and the duct tape," Dustin said, "Where do we get the hose?"

"The school has a hose in the shed," Nancy added. "I saw the janitor using it when some of the students spray painted the parking lot."

Everyone continued brainstorming as Jonathan and I started heading towards the door. I cowered into my sweater as the cold air hit me. The temperature had dropped exponentially in the last couple hours. Jonathan must have noticed, because he was quick to fling a warm arm over me, pulling me towards him as much as he could without knocking me over. It was only a couple of feet until we were at my front door, throwing it open as we rushed inside.

"They're in here somewhere," I said. "I swear he keeps them in the drawer next to his lab coats, but he might've moved them."

I paused as I took my last step towards my uncle's bedroom, my hand lingering on the doorknob. It was hard opening up the door knowing he wouldn't be on the other side of it, that he was gone, and I didn't know if he would ever be back. I felt a hand settle softly on my lower back. Jonathan made the move I couldn't, pushing my hand aside so he could turn the doorknob for me and reveal the mess that I had left inside.

My heart jumped when I saw his things scattered across the room. I remembered throwing everything around, tearing the whole house apart to find any clue of what happened to him. I looked behind me for reassurance, but Jonathan had disappeared, presumably to check another room. I turned back towards the closet, refusing to look around the room again. I couldn't bring myself to spend any more time than I needed to here.

I threw the doors open, plopping down in front of the pile of clothes that I had ripped off of the hangers. The first thing I saw was a ratty old t-shirt that Jack had always called his 'weekend shirt,' as he was always wearing nice button downs to work every day. I smirked as I picked it up. The words 'chilling with my gnomies' were sprawled above a worn-down drawing of three garden gnomes in sunglasses. I was always so embarrassed when he wore it out in public. I'd like to say that had changed now that it was such a staple to his personality, but no, it was still just as embarrassing.

I was so wrapped up in the t-shirt that it made me jump when Jonathan re-emerged from behind me. "You still have this?"

I turned to see him standing in the doorway, a plush panda in his hand. My cheeks got hot as I remembered where it had come from. Jack had taken Will and the two of us to a fair a few towns away. I had been dying to win that panda, but I just couldn't shoot the right balloons. Jonathan offered to help and ended up nailing it his first try. The panda, or Bruce as I had named him, had been sitting on my nightstand ever since. I was usually able to hide him before anyone came over, but it must've slipped my mind this time.

"Jack wouldn't let me throw it out," I teased, flashing him a playful smirk.

He gave me a soft grin in return as I turned back around, pulling open the top drawer next to Jack's lab coats. Sure enough, there was a plethora of goggles inside. I made sure to grab the smallest ones before standing back up and swiveling around on my heels. "I got them," I said, suddenly surprised when I saw Jonathan still stood in the doorway, staring intensely at the panda in his hands. "A—are you okay?"

He looked up at me, his face impossible to read, and nodded, placing the panda on Jack's unkept bed. I wasn't sure what was going on with him all of a sudden, but I could still feel my heart skip a beat when he started inching closer. The panda toppled over as Jonathan wrapped both of his arms around my waist, leaning down to place his forehead against mine. My cheeks were immediately on fire.

We stood like this for a while until he finally said something, his voice soft and hushed amidst all of today's chaos. "I love you."

"I l—"

"No," he interrupted, his gaze now so intense I felt like it could burn Hawkins to the ground. "I mean I love you, Daisy."

It was something we had said to each other a million times as kids. It shouldn't make me feel like I'm about to swell up and explode with emotions. But I guess this time it's different, isn't it? We had already gone way past the friendship line. Nothing that meant anything then meant the same thing now.

"I love you too, Jonathan," I said back, though my voice sounded very small.

Our smiles welled up at the same time, and I felt my first sip of genuine happiness since Jack disappeared. I stared right into his eyes, knowing without a doubt in my mind that he was the one I was meant to end up with. He had always been there and I knew he would never leave. I watched his eyes drop down to my lips, and I knew he was going to kiss me. Still, it felt even more magical than it had the first time, if that was possible. My knees felt like they were going to buckle underneath me. I opened my eyes for a split second just to study the look on his face, but something else had caught my eye instead. There was a folded-up piece of paper hanging from the bottom of Bruce by a single strand of tape.

When I pulled away, Jonathan still had a calm expression on, but that soon changed when he watched me rush over to the bed and snatch the note up. "What's wrong," he asked, clearly concerned.

"There's a note," I told him just as I tore the tape off of it. "I think it was taped to the panda."

"Why's there a note taped to a stuffed animal?"

"I don't know. The only people that have been in here are us and Hopper."

And Steve, I recalled, but it was probably best not to mention him at the moment. Besides, I don't think he's capable of something that sly.

My fingers shook as I unfolded the paper, unsure of what I was about to read. Jonathan lingered at my shoulder, just as curious as I was. The moment I saw the hand-writing, I knew exactly who had written it. My stomach dropped the second I read the first line.

Daisy Mae,

I'm not sure when you'll find this letter, but I trust that it will be in due time. Things have changed a lot for you lately. They've changed for all of us. I've spent my whole life protecting you from what your future may hold, but it seems fate has stepped in. Your future seems to be looking a little different now. You've always been special, and your destiny has became much bigger than anything I'm able to keep you from. You are brave, and you are strong. Focus on your senses, control your emotions, and protect yourself. I don't know how, and I don't know when, but you're going to meet a little girl just as bright as you. Her name is Eleven. She will teach you everything she can, I know she will. The rest is up to you.

If you're reading this note, it means that I didn't make it back. I suppose I should give you a better explanation than that. When you were born, I knew your parents would use you and your power for all the wrong reasons. They would corrupt you. My twin brother, your dad, was a very powerful man, almost as powerful as you, but he lacked what you've always had an abundance of; empathy. He did terrible things in his lifetime, things that I hope you will never have to endure. As for your mom, she had a troubled soul. Your father convinced her to join in on a project at Hawkins Lab, and that's how you happened. She was given various drugs in hopes that she would birth someone like you.

At first, you showed no signs of being different. Unfortunately, because of this, your mom was removed from the trials, and no one has heard from her since. I was the only close relative, and so started my love for you. Hawkins Lab did not want to give you up until they were certain that the experiment had failed. Though you seemed to be an ordinary baby, I was anxious that things would change for you very quickly, so I did what I could to keep you safe. I made a deal with Hawkins Lab. Like you, I was born with special abilities, as was your father, though I am not nearly as strong as you are. They would use my abilities to their advantage, whatever that may be at the time. Initially, it was innocent things like test trials to monitor my brain activity, but once the portal opened—I'm sure you've already figured that out—my duties changed a bit. I am now in charge of studying this new, terrifying world. I had spent the first few years studying plants and their effects on children like you, and now I am trying to decipher the ecosystem of what I can only describe as Hell on Earth.

I traveled across the entire globe to find anything I could that would keep your powers at bay. I knew from the moment you came home that they were wrong about you. You weren't an average little infant, and they almost found out a few times. As always though, your old uncle persevered, and I was able to keep your powers from developing for sixteen years. Eventually though, you will become too strong for any of those things. Even now, all of my methods have become less and less effective. They've found out about you, and they want to take you away, to put you through these trials and use you as another weapon despite the agreement we have. I trusted them for the longest time. Until that moment, it was a weak choice, but it was one that kept you safe for years, and I don't regret it.

Now that I've explained all of that, I feel I need to tell you what I'm planning. The guilt I have felt helping these monsters use innocent children like this has swallowed me whole. My only reasoning for it was your safety, and now that that isn't their priority anymore, I need to make things right. They want to lure you to the other world, Daisy. They're using Will as bait, and they're going to trap you the moment you find him. I didn't know about this plan until today, the day that I've written this, so I can only hope that you find this before it's too late. You're a smart girl, I know you will. This is why I've decided to go after Will. They may be able to trap you if you go after him yourself, but my own abilities would make it impossible for them to lay a finger on either of us. If this note finds you too late and Will and I haven't made it home yet, just know that I love you, Daisy. Nothing will ever change that. Keep me in your heart forever, and remember, anything life throws at you, I know you'll kick its ass.

Love,

Uncle Jack