"...I'll see you at school, Nagisa."

Kaworu flicked his eyes up from his magazine. "Leaving already?"

"Yeah..." Shinji pulled on his shoes near the door, his bag already over his shoulder. "I've got some chores to do at home."

Kaworu just grunted. He had to admit, he was a little peeved... well, a lot peeved, actually. Shinji came over quite often, but he never stayed long enough for it to matter. Kaworu knew he mostly just used his room as a buffer, a little spot where he could get away from the people he knew just to sit in silence for maybe an hour or so. He didn't really go there to "hang out." He went there to exist.

But just because Kaworu knew why he did it didn't mean he still wasn't annoyed. It's not like he didn't have feelings. Whenever Shinji came over, Kaworu couldn't help but hope that maybe, this time, Shinji would actually want to do something with him. But that had never been fulfilled. He more or less just ignored him the whole time, only giving one-word answers or noncommittal noises if ever Kaworu said something to him.

But he didn't want to kick Shinji out. As much as it irked him, Kaworu preferred his company even if it was like this. The only thing that kept him from getting upset was the small glimmer of hope that Shinji would warm up to him eventually. And so, he didn't pressure him to stay. He just let him pick up his things and leave as he always did.

So then, what the hell was Shinji still doing standing at his door?

He furrowed his brows. "Shinji-kun?"

Shinji's body jerked, though Kaworu couldn't see what he was doing from behind. "...I think your door is jammed," he said tensely.

Uncrossing his legs and discarding his magazine, Kaworu came up to Shinji's side. "Why should it be? It wasn't an hour ago."

"How should I know? It's your room."

Kaworu shook his head, then gracelessly nudged Shinji aside to pull at the door himself. It wouldn't slide at all. "Um..." He hesitated, then locked, unlocked it, and tried again. Still nothing.

"Are you trying to mess with me or something?"

Still tugging at the door in confusion, Kaworu made a face. "Why would I do that? It's not like I'd just lock you in here on purpose."

Shinji looked skeptical. "Okay... well, I just wanna get home. It's already 6:00."

"Well, I'm not sure what you expect me to-" Kaworu stopped mid heave. His heart twanged. "Oops."

"What? What do you mean 'oops?'" Shinji asked, his tone rising. "Nagisa, what's 'oops?!'"

Slowly, Kaworu turned around. He really hoped Shinji wasn't going to explode at him. "Um... they told me yesterday, but I forgot. They were going to do maintenance on this part of headquarters around this time. The door won't open because it locked automatically." He hesitated as Shinji's eyebrows traveled farther up his forehead. "...I can't get it open until they're done."

"Are you kidding me?! How long are they doing maintenance for?!"

Kaworu shifted evasively. "They, uh, didn't say exactly. Just... a few hours." He went on, under his breath, "Maybe the rest of the day."

Shinji looked outraged. Kaworu would never say it for fear of getting socked, but Shinji sure looked cute angry. "Rest of the day?! Nagisa, I need to get home! Why the hell wouldn't you tell me about this?!"

"I already told you, I forgot! What was I supposed to do?"

Shinji rolled his eyes. "Oh, I don't know, remember?"

Pouting, Kaworu crossed his arms. "Oh, you're funny. Anyway, what's so important that you need to go home right now? I thought you said you just had chores."

"Yeah... well-" he stuttered, seeming caught, "Chores are important!"

Kaworu snorted. "Uhuh, so basically, you don't actually have anything important to attend to at home? What's the big deal if you can't leave right now?" When Shinji hesitated, Kaworu frowned deeply. "What, are you that desperate to get away from me?"

"...I never said that."

"Okay..." The pale boy said slowly. "Then waiting here shouldn't be a problem, should it?"

Shinji sighed heavily, looking down at the floor. Kaworu had to repress a smirk; he was so pouty.

"...I guess not."

"Great," Kaworu shrugged, smiling openly now. Maybe Shinji wasn't thrilled about this particular arrangement, but he had to admit that he was. For once, he actually had the chance to spend some real alone time with him. He hadn't gotten to do that ever since Shinji last slept over weeks and weeks ago.

"Well, now that we're alone together, I guess we should-"

"No thanks, I'm good."

Kaworu stared, indignant as Shinji walked back into the room and dropped his bag, unceremoniously slumping down to sit on the floor. "You don't even know what I was going to say!"

Shinji side-eyed him, then said darkly, "That phrasing told me enough." He pulled his cassette player from his pocket and unwound the headphones. Kaworu had to suppress a groan.

"Are you seriously just going to sit there and listen to music for the rest of the day? I can't imagine you actually want to do that." Kaworu put a hand on his hip when Shinji didn't say anything. "You wanted to leave because you got bored sitting there, I know it. So why don't we just do something together instead?"

Looking rather defeated and annoyed, Shinji dropped his SDAT into his lap. "...Like what?"

"Umm..." Kaworu cast his mind around. Of course, he knew perfectly well what he'd like to do alone with Shinji, but he doubted that the other boy would hear, let alone entertain the suggestion. He'd probably just threaten to beat him up if he said that desire aloud. "I don't know," he shrugged.

"We could watch TV."

Shinji raised an eyebrow. "How's that any better than me listening to music?"

"I mean, we'd be doing it together." Shinji shook his head and looked away, restlessly tapping his fingers against the floor.

Kaworu may not have been all that great at reading people, but he could clearly tell Shinji was on edge. He wasn't sure why exactly, though he thought that finding something to relieve his boredom would help relax him a bit. Kaworu considered with renewed vigor.

"I've got playing cards someplace. You lilin play games with those, don't you?"

Shinji shrugged at the question. "I don't really know any card games."

"None?"

"You don't either," he said defensively.

"Sure," Kaworu conceded, "but I'm not a lilin. You've got more experience than me."

"Whatever..."

Kaworu sighed when they both went silent. He sure wasn't trying to help him out here. He turned his grey head to the shelf above his bed. "Hey, wait a sec."

Shinji looked over at him as he crawled over his bed, messily sorting through the stuff on the shelf. He wasn't really sure what half of it was as he'd never looked that closely at much of it. The room had been prepared for him before he came there after all, and he had few personal possessions he cared for.

"What about this?" he asked, holding up a little, red, cardboard box.

Shinji fixed his eyes on it. "Uno's no fun with two people."

Kaworu looked at the box himself, having no clue what the game was himself. "Um... alright." He tossed it aside, turning back to the shelf.

"Nagisa..."

Kaworu shook his head, recognizing Shinji's tone. It was one that suggested dejection and light frustration, one he was familiar with from Shinji.

"No, just wait."

Determined, Kaworu continued to skim over the items on his shelf, presenting Shinji with anything that looked potentially interesting. The other boy remained unimpressed, however.

"Come on, how about this one?" Kaworu asked a little dryly, presenting Shinji with the last game-looking box on his shelf.

Shinji looked ready to reject that one too, but instead, he just sighed. "Yeah, fine..." His voice was more sarcastic than eager, but Kaworu brightened up all the same.

"Right then." Kaworu brought the box with him to the floor, sitting cross-legged near Shinji. "So... how does it work?" he asked inquiringly, staring at it.

The other boy took the box from him with an eye roll and pulled it open, before dumping its contents over the floor.

"It's just a puzzle, Nagisa. You put the pieces together until they all fit and make a picture."

Kaworu smirked up at Shinji as he shook his hand through the pile of pieces, dispersing them. "What? So you lilin cut up a bunch of pieces of cardboard and shuffle them around just to put them back together again?" He flipped over a few pieces with his fingers, helping Shinji in organizing them. "You sure do find interesting ways of entertaining yourselves."

"You were the one who wanted to do this," Shinji reminded him, now tossing edge pieces into a separate pile. "It's just a time waster."

Kaworu hummed, still flipping pieces over. "Is that what you'd call this? Time wasting?"

The boy he addressed shifted position, moving his knees away from his chest and sitting with his legs crossed like Kaworu, leaning forward over the pile of puzzle pieces. "I mean, if it was my choice, I don't think I'd be doing this right now."

"Why not? This is kind of fun, I think," Kaworu commented, smiling as two pieces fit together satisfyingly. "And anyway, isn't everything a time waster? What signifies how important an action is? In a way, I could call this productive since it's entertaining me."

Kaworu looked up and caught Shinji's brown eyes quickly flicking down away from him. "I guess so... but my idea of productivity doesn't include doing a puzzle. It's not like this is really making a difference to anyone."

"So then, something's important to you if it has an effect on others?"

"I guess so." He connected a few edge pieces into a row.

"Well..." Kaworu said passively, trying to find the right piece. "By your definition, then this is productive." Shinji glanced up at him. "You're having an effect on me; you're making me happy right now, Shinji-kun."

They looked at each other for another moment, before Shinji squirmed and looked back down. "...It doesn't feel very productive. I guess that's my real definition instead: if it feels productive."

Kaworu smiled down at the puzzle. Shinji looked cute when he blushed like that. "Very well. I guess this is a time waster, then. But if time wasters can be this fun, then I don't think I mind if they're not productive. I'm enjoying myself anyway."

Shinji shrugged. "Sure, but there's always something better you could be doing than wasting time. I always feel guilty when I do unproductive stuff. It makes it not fun."

"Huh. Then maybe you should relax a little." He smirked. "You're allowed to enjoy yourself, you know that, Shinji-kun?"

Tan fingers neatly straightened the top of the frame Shinji had made, the edge pieces quickly dwindling. "It's not always that easy..."

Kaworu hummed. "You've always been like that, haven't you? Stressed and guilty about doing things that aren't necessarily helpful to other people, even if it's something you enjoy doing?"

Flipping one of the pieces over and over in his fingers, Shinji took a moment to respond. "...You don't have to psychoanalyze me while we're doing a puzzle, Nagisa."

He shrugged. "I wasn't trying to. I was just making an observation." He reached for a piece and unintentionally brushed against Shinji's hand. He noted how quickly Shinji jerked his hand away, as if he'd been stung. He frowned.

"I guess that's how it is, though. I don't like feeling unproductive."

"You listen to music a lot. You think that's productive?"

Shinji snorted humorlessly. "Not really, no. It's probably the least useful thing I do, but I don't know... I feel less guilty doing it because it's harder to think about being guilty when my head is filled with music."

The pale boy had sorted a few pieces by color, and was now trying to fit them together. "It's a distraction, then?"

"Yeah. A distraction."

"Hm." He fit two pieces together. "That's interesting. I mean, I like music too, but that's not really how I feel about it."

"How do you feel about it then?"

Kaworu smiled at finally being asked a question. "I always feel like I'm getting something out of it - like it matters. Even though I'm not a lilin, when I listen to music, I feel... connected to you all, as if I'm truly a part of you." He slid a few pieces together, a picture forming in the few squares he'd made. "Music makes it so easy to really feel what the writer feels. The melody, the lyrics, the tone of their voice - it's all so rich. It's like I was there when they made it." He paused. "I wonder if that makes sense."

"Yeah... I think so," Shinji considered after a moment. "...But what if you can't relate to the lyrics?"

"Then," Kaworu murmured, "I'm simply learning more about the lilin experience. Even if I didn't go through the same thing, it's still interesting to feel... empathetic. Empathy is the word I'm looking for, isn't it? That's new to me, but I've felt it when I listen to music sometimes. Maybe not so much that I feel sorry for the lilin that wrote it, but... more like I understand them, I suppose."

Two puzzle pieces clicked together cleanly as Shinji continued on the frame, which was nearly finished. "That is empathy; you're right." He straightened out the pieces before him. "Then... you like music because it makes you feel connected to other people? Like you're learning?"

"Mm," Kaworu nodded. "I'd say so. Though sometimes it's just because it's fun." He smirked. "Another time waster, I suppose."

He watched as Shinji's lip twitched when he met his eye, though the tan boy once again looked back down to the floor. There was only one piece missing from the frame, but Shinji couldn't seem to find it in the pile of similarly colored images. Kaworu found the edge piece however, and was still smiling as he picked it up and finished off the frame for Shinji, but for a second time, their hands brushed together, and for a second time, Shinji jerked his away. The smile slipped from Kaworu's face.

"You... have a hard time connecting with other people." Slowly, Kaworu continued to connect pieces together, working on the inside of the puzzle. "Even after all this time, you still can't trust me..."

Shinji's cheeks had tinged slightly red. He seemed to know Kaworu had realized how on edge he was. "Wh-What did I tell you about psychoanalyzing me, Nagisa?" His eyes flicked guiltily up to the pale boy, before he turned down again. "It's... not that I don't trust you."

Kaworu looked back at him, disbelief etched in his face. Shinji tightened his mouth. "I'm serious."

"What is it, then?" Kaworu leaned forwards a little, his red eyes searching. That was the sincerest thing he'd heard from Shinji since he could remember. He yearned for more. "Why do you avoid me?"

Shinji's cheeks were redder now, and despite his urging for Shinji to speak, Kaworu couldn't help but admire the color in his face.

"I..." Shinji's mouth worked like he was shaping the words, but his lips fell closed a moment later. His eyes dragged down again. "I don't wanna talk about this right now... it's weird."

Shoulders slumping, Kaworu sighed. He felt urged to press Shinji, to force the answer out of him, but he knew that would only escalate the situation. He was supposed to give Shinji space. That's what he had promised himself to do. Even still, it was so frustrating.

He pouted down at the puzzle. "Whatever. I guess it doesn't matter." He was aware how whiny he sounded, but he didn't much care.

They continued working in silence, though apparently, the tension grew to be too much for Shinji. He asked him something pilot related, which Kaworu didn't really care about, and which he knew Shinji didn't really either. He supposed this was like Shinji's music; filling the silence with empty talk was what he did to avoid thinking too much. To avoid feeling guilty. Even though it displeased him, Kaworu thought that if it was for Shinji's comfort, he'd indulge him. He was sure he'd have the chance to press him some other time - maybe when he was less tense. He'd been working on his patience, though that didn't make it very easy to resist.

The time passed quicker than he expected it to. Although he didn't think their small talk was all that interesting, Kaworu appreciated that Shinji was actually saying things to him willingly. It wasn't often that happened. He hadn't really realized how involved a puzzle would be, but he was glad he'd found something that kept them busy so long. It took multiple hours before they were even close to finishing. It'd seemed that over the course of that time, Shinji's tenseness had melted somewhat. He was less jittery, at least, more obviously focused on the puzzle. He didn't even seem to notice that Kaworu was more busy staring at him than actually helping. That look of concentration on his face was so cute...

"Nagisa, you're holding the piece I need."

"Hm." Kaworu allowed Shinji to take it from him, his stomach squirming pleasantly when their fingertips touched. At least it was something.

Finally, Kaworu slid the last piece into the center of the board, where it made a satisfying tapping noise as it fell into place. They pulled their hands away, admiring their work. It was a pretty photograph of some shrine surrounded by cherry trees in full bloom. Kaworu wondered who took it.

"...So, now what do we do with it?"

Shinji kept looking down at it. "Nothing, really. You can leave it together for a while. I think some people frame puzzles they like, but," he shrugged, "you're just supposed to take it all apart and put it back in the box once you're done."

"What, really?" Kaworu asked, surprised. "So, you're supposed to spend hours making something just to take it apart again?"

"I mean, yeah. It's just an activity. It's more about putting it together than having a finished picture."

Kaworu laughed. "That's rather poetic, isn't it?"

Shinji knit his eyebrows skeptically. "I guess so..."

The other boy hummed. "I like it, though. It's pretty. I'll keep it like this for a while."

"Sure," Shinji shrugged, and Kaworu noticed his eyes flicking up towards his door. He couldn't help feeling a little disappointed.

"...You can check it, if you want."

The boy turned his dark head to the side, shifting a little. "It's fine... it's probably still stuck anyway."

Brightening up a little, Kaworu smirked. "Yeah, probably."

Shinji sighed and leaned back against the bedframe. Kaworu hadn't gotten a good look at his eyes in a while, but now that Shinji was looking up, he couldn't help but notice how thin his face was - skin rather pale, eyes surrounded by dark circles.

"You look, um..."

"Yeah," Shinji acknowledged, closing his eyes slowly. "I know. I didn't get much sleep last night."

Kaworu raised his eyebrows, amused. "'Much sleep?' You look like death, Shinji-kun."

"I was gonna take a nap when I went back home today, but..."

"Right..." A little slowly, Kaworu wondered if the situation was more complicated than Shinji let on. If all he had to do was sleep, then it seemed there was an easy solution to this.

"You know, you can just take my b-"

"Would you care if I used your stereo?"

Kaworu closed his mouth, Shinji's loud interruption taking him by surprise. "Huh?"

Shinji was picking at his nails, not meeting his eye. "You said you didn't want me to listen to music by myself, so could I just play it on your stereo?"

Blinking, Kaworu said, "Sure, I don't mind."

Slowly, Shinji nodded, then uncrossed his legs and stood up. Kaworu followed his lead, also standing. He stretched, legs shaking after hours of sitting down.

"I'm kinda hungry. I don't exactly have real food in here, but I have snacks and stuff. I'll bring you something." He didn't really listen to Shinji's dissenting grunt. He looked pretty rough; he'd probably pass out if he didn't eat anything soon.

Kaworu turned to rifle through the fridge he had in the corner, grabbing a couple chilled granola bars and water bottles. He looked back to see Shinji kneeling on his bed, unmoving.

"Shinji-kun?"

He turned his head a little, then held something out. "You listen to Junko Yagami?"

Kaworu looked over the jewel case Shinji held out. It was one of the few cassettes he had sitting near his stereo. "I've only listened to that album, but yes, I like her."

Hand flipping the cassette case over, Shinji analyzed it, looking mildly impressed. He turned again and stuck the cassette in the player.

Coming forward with his items, Kaworu smirked. "You like her too?" He climbed over the bed, sitting with his back to the wall beneath his shelf while the album began to play. "It's funny. I suppose I never considered the kind of music you listened to even though you do it so often."

Shinji shrugged. Again, he looked a little tense. Kaworu wondered if it was because they were sitting against the same wall, only about a foot apart. He handed him water and a granola bar. Shinji took them, fiddling with the snack wrapper.

"Well, it's not like I've ever shown it to you, so yeah."

Kaworu unwrapped his granola bar, eating slowly. "So then, this is the kind of thing you listen to normally?" he asked, gently moving his foot to the rhythm of the song.

Shinji shrugged. "I guess so, yeah."

Through a mouthful of food, Kaworu confessed, "It's a lot less depressing than I expected from you."

Shinji laughed, then cut himself short, as if caught. Kaworu smirked, satisfied with himself. "City pop, huh? Well, it's fun. Still, I'm surprised though; this is a pretty romantic album, isn't it? 'Bay City in Twilight' and all..."

The wrapper crinkled as Shinji opened it. He had the air of someone who was eating just to distract himself. "I guess so... but, I don't know, I don't listen to it because I like romance. I just think it's pretty."

Kaworu nodded. "It is, isn't it? She has a lovely voice."

"Yeah..."

He doubted that Shinji had intended to set the atmosphere like this, though it was undoubtedly lovey. He couldn't help feeling excited, even if they weren't talking.

Both of them had finished their food halfway through the album - Shinji had even emptied his water, and now looked displeased that he couldn't distract himself with anything else. Kaworu watched him pick at the blanket in the corner of his eye. He could easily see the way Shinji kept nodding off, his eyes fluttering slowly, head dropping forward and picking up quickly over and over.

"Shinji-kun, you really should sleep," he urged softly. He wasn't quite sure how it'd happened, but the two of them had gotten closer as the cassette ran. He was able to bump Shinji's shoulder, jostling him conscious.

With a quick glance, Shinji shook his head, looking forward. "I'm still waiting to go home... I don't want to sleep here."

Kaworu sighed. "You can try the door again."

"It's not open..."

Perplexed, he turned to Shinji. He wanted to ask him why he was so sure, but his tone wasn't certain. It sounded wavier than confident. "I'll do it for you."

"It's fine."

Growing a little frustrated, Kaworu looked away again. "If you don't want to check the door, then you have to sleep here, Shinji-kun."

Shinji's voice sounded weak with tiredness. "No, I don't."

"Seriously? You're about to pass out right now; what is so wrong about sleeping in my room?"

Loosely, Shinji wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm not gonna sleep in here... the last time I did, you..."

Kaworu groaned, pressing his head back against the wall. "Is that really what this is about? Is that why you've been so tense since the door locked?"

"There's more to it than that, but I just..." Shinji continued to pick at the sheets. Kaworu recognized the last song of the album; Two Notes Samba started softly. The younger boy's tone grew familiarly antagonistic. "You might kiss me again."

Kaworu blushed a little. He didn't like how it felt on his face. "You were freaking out; I was just breathing air into your mouth..." Although he didn't really feel that way, Kaworu went on. "It wasn't real."

Shinji made a noise. "It felt pretty real to me. I can't believe that... that you were my first kiss."

He wasn't acting right, Kaworu knew it. Ever since that night, Shinji had never once said anything about that kiss. Kaworu had been sure that Shinji just wanted to forget about it and move on, and yet now, here he was, reflecting on it aloud. Kaworu felt strangely giddy that Shinji hadn't erased it from his mind like he first thought. Maybe he had been replaying that night in his head for all those weeks, just like Kaworu had. And maybe now that he was tired, he wanted to get it out.

"If you hated it so much, then it doesn't have to count... it doesn't have to have been your first kiss." Kaworu watched him closely. "We can forget about it." Of course, Kaworu would never forget about it, not willingly.

Shinji's eyes were still fluttering. Kaworu could barely see the brown of his eyes beneath his thick lashes. "...But I... I don't want to forget about it. That's the problem." Shinji slumped down the wall a little. "I'm... afraid to fall asleep, because I'm excited to think about you kissing me again." He shook his head weakly. "I've been thinking about it all day... I want you to do it, but I don't want to want it..."

Mouth slightly open, Kaworu stared at him, his heart pounding. He could hardly believe that those words were coming from Shinji's mouth. He wondered momentarily if he himself was sleep-deprived and loopy, but he knew he wasn't. Shinji had to have been delirious to confess these things.

"Y-You want me to kiss you again?"

Shinji squeezed his hand against the blanket, but he didn't speak. Slowly, with a shameful biting of his lip, he nodded. Kaworu's stomach completely flipped over, and once again, he was flooded with that warm, sticky thing he'd decided was love.

Softly, he leaned sideways. Their shoulders were flush. "You don't need to be asleep for me to kiss you."

Shinji turned to him too, Kaworu's shadow casting over his face. They were close. Kaworu could see the pores of Shinji's skin, the depth of his eyes. They were so pretty and dark; they made Kaworu think of a deer - something innocent but nervous.

"Nagisa..."

The way he said his name... he'd never said it that softly before. He'd never really cared about his name, but hearing it in Shinji's voice made him appreciate it.

With a little thrill, Kaworu tilted his head and leaned in, his lips brushing Shinji's. He kept his eyes open when Shinji's lips didn't move.

"Kiss me back this time, please," he murmured.

Shinji breathed shakily, then closed his eyes and fulfilled Kaworu's plea. It was an unsteady kiss, uncertain and a little awkward, but Kaworu enjoyed it all the same. He could feel that weird sensation of love swirling in his stomach again. This kiss was a lot less messy than the first.

Then, as Kaworu regretfully pulled away, he stared at Shinji, his eyes closed, mouth slightly open. That pretty red tinge was still covering his cheeks. He assumed Shinji was just taking a moment to recover from their kiss, but he realized as Shinji slowly let himself fall sideways into him that he had finally fallen asleep.

"Jeez... after all that? Really?" he asked in a murmur, smiling. Shinji slumped further against his shoulder, face gentle, unbothered. The cassette clicked and faded away, and Kaworu slowly, so as not to wake him, moved his arm to wrap it around Shinji's shoulder. The boy's head fell against his chest as he breathed softly through his mouth.

Kaworu looked down at him fondly. His smirk was growing wider and wider. He'd finally gotten what he wanted out of him.

Click.

Flicking his eyes up at the tiny sound, Kaworu stared at his door. It'd finally unlocked itself.

Again, he smirked down at the sleeping boy in his arms, feeling exceedingly pleased with himself. Of course, he could never just interrupt his sleep, so he supposed the news would have to wait for the morning. He didn't think Shinji would mind.