Sammy and Ilna, love you to the moon. REAL McRollers and Readers, thanks doesn't seem like enough, but thank you always. Please join Sammy and me in wishing Ilna the happiest birthday! We love you xoxox
Almost as Perfect as a Goat
"We'd be in a bar and this one walks in…" Jack pointed at Steve, causing Catherine to grin. "The floodgates would open, and if we were talking to like three girls, suddenly there'd be half a dozen more."
"And he didn't notice," Danny offered.
"Not even a little bit," Cuzzi confirmed the obvious. "And Steve would either be off to meet up with Catherine or be calling her before the really screwed questions would start to fly."
"Stupidest one you ever got, go." Hoss pointed to Al.
"Do they call me Suey because I grew up on a farm?"
"Like Suey, suey, here, piggy?" Carrie snorted a laugh. "Okay that's right up there."
"It's short for suicide, because this crazy bastard would volunteer for the most insane part of any mission," Steve pointed out.
"You had me beat the second you became a team guy," Al held up his beer. "I was just there first."
"The worst one I ever got," Hoss said with a grimace. "I shit you not, I got asked if we get introduced to a dog at the beginning of BUD/S and then have to kill it at the end to show we have the ability to kill. I must have looked gobsmacked because she stopped talking. So I told her, if it wasn't already obvious, the answer to such a stupid ass question is hell no. Besides, anyone that would agree to do that is leaning way too close to Jeffery Dahmer level nuts, so hard pass to wanting them on the teams."
"I heard, 'Are you guys required to get a chemical lobotomy in order to become SEALs? You know, to make you less distracted?'" Jack held up his beer. "I looked that guy dead in the eye and said, 'Not even close, but you know, if we weren't crazy, we'd all go insane.'"
"Jimmy Buffett to the rescue," Danny said. "Nice one." He turned to John. "What's yours?"
"I've had worse, but the one I always hated was, 'Can you kill me with one finger?' Usually asked by a drunk gym rat. I used to explain, but eventually I started asking if they wanted to try me."
"'Is it true I had to keep my identity as a SEAL secret - even to my family and close friends?' That's another hot one," Cuzzi told them. "That bullshit comes from the stolen valor crowd, they always say they can't tell anyone they're on the teams, while they're telling people they're on the teams."
Steve shook his head. No one hated stolen valor more than those who honorably served. "Some guy in P's," he referred to the Coranado pub founded in 1982 by former Navy SEAL Greg McPartlin that was frequented by off-duty team guys for countless years, "asked if they actually drowned, then resuscitated us in BUD/S." He gestured at Catherine. "Cath was there, right?"
She nodded. "He was totally serious." She patted Steve's bicep with a smile. "Steve didn't even respond, he asked if I needed another drink and went to grab us beers. I started to explain that the drown-proofing test probably led to that misconception, how there are times when a student may experience shallow water blackout but there are highly trained medical staff always on hand for any medical emergencies that may arise." She waved a hand. "But he tuned out because that clearly wasn't as exciting." She rolled her eyes. "And by that time Steve came back and basically growled at him, so…"
"He scurried away," Steve confirmed, and grinned at her. "And we were ready to leave anyway."
"Cops have to get crazy-ass questions, too," Hoss said, gesturing at Danny.
"We absolutely do, but you guys, and I hesitate to say this because it'll jinx us and I'll meet ten crazies in a week, get more off the wall ones because people think you're …" he waved a hand, "mythical."
Chelsea Cuzzi smiled. "Some of them just don't want to know otherwise. They get bored fast when they hear the guys have lives outside the teams, or families."
"I had a guy ask if we trained with dolphins," Cuzzi said, leaning forward. "He was dead serious. Said he wanted to know if we could ride them into combat…"
Just then all heads turned when Angie bounded up to the group. "Looks like someone's on a mission…" He pointed to the seven year old.
"It's cake time!" she said, grabbing her mother's hand. "We got a very big cake for Mommy's birthday!"
As everyone gathered around the table, DJ announced, "Happy birthday, again, Mom!"
Catherine turned, her hair catching the sparkle from the twinkling fairy lights, as she said. "Oh my … that's a really big cake, you guys."
"A sheet cake like we made for Daddy!" Angie said, "Kaitlyn made it and we helped decorate it. Do you like it?"
"I love it," Catherine said with a smile. The cake featured a little state seal, a badge for her time on the team, lieutenant's bars and a wafer in the middle that held an edible photo of the whole family, including Cammie, Pumpkin and Luna. "It's the best cake I've ever seen." She kissed both kids' heads and blew one at Kaitlyn, who was grinning from her spot next to Grace and her siblings on the other side of the table.
"The sprinkles were Angie's idea, in case you didn't guess," Kaitlyn said as Grace placed candles on the cake.
"And adding the state seal was DJ's," Jacob added.
"Sprinkles make everything even better," Angie confirmed. "And DJ's so smart, cause we needed something to show your job with Governor Lea."
"Impressive teamwork," Steve said, stepping forward and squeezing his son's shoulder. "I'm proud of you both."
"Are you sure there's not too much cake? I know you took your mom to lunch and had cake at the restaurant…" Danny teased, leaning in conspiratorially.
"There is never, ever, too much cake," Carrie said with an arm around each of her godchildren. "And when it's birthday cake, you can start eating it at any time. Including for breakfast, right?"
Angie giggled as Danny pretended to think, then agreed, "Well in that case, pass me a fork."
"Mommy has to make a wish first," Angie announced.
Catherine smiled. "I have everything I could ever wish for." Her eyes fell on Steve, the kids, and everyone gathered at their home. "I need you guys to help me blow out the candles."
DJ and Angie leaned close and after a very loud rendition of Happy Birthday was sung, helped their mother blow out the candles.
Carrie stood beside Steve patting his shoulder as she leaned in. "You know, if Cath and I are 46, that means you're officially older than dirt, right?"
"Seriously, Stagler?" Steve shot back. "You're not exactly in your twenties anymore."
"But I'm still cool."
"You keep telling yourself that," he said with a grin.
"Mommy gets the first slice!" Angie proclaimed, and Danny smiled at her knowing Nonna's tradition before stating another one. "Count your years…" he began and the kids joined in, saying, "count your candles, count your blessings," before the cake was cut and passed out.
Angie took a plate, eyeing her piece of cake with delight. "Aunt Carrie, look! I have sprinkles on top of my sprinkles!" she said, her eyes wide.
As they all settled down to enjoy dessert, Carrie toasted with her fork. "Do you remember the first birthday party we had for Catherine?" she asked Steve and John, glancing at Elizabeth and Joseph. "You sent her half a sheet cake, which was a perfect excuse for Steve to stop by our room to help celebrate and make mooney eyes." She turned to the rest of the crowd. "John and Freddy came with him and Freddy said it was his birthday, too, just to make sure he got cake."
"That cake made everyone on the floor happy." Catherine smiled at the memory. "There was a lot of cake."
Elizabeth shrugged and said, "I apologize…"
"For nothing, we know." Catherine finished and kissed her mom's cheek. "And we love you for it."
Angie looked up from where she was sitting on Grace's lap, and announced, "Me and DJ got Mommy a necklace with our pictures on it." She pointed to the delicate gold disc hanging around Catheine's neck that featured a laser carved image of her children. As friends and family murmured about how thoughtful and beautiful the gift was, the seven year old added, "Mommy loved it so much she cried happy tears."
"Looks like you guys chose the perfect gift," Danny said.
Steve and Catherine took in the puzzled looks from some of their guests at their daughter's next words and shared a laugh. Looking up with a beaming smile, Angie nodded and said, "Almost as perfect as a goat."
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