Homerland In a parody of Homeland, Homer goes on a work vacation with Lenny and Carl but goes missing, his family are worried. He comes back brainwashed and Lisa thinks he has joined Al Qaeda and become a terrorist. However it turns out he has joined a group of eco warriors who love the planet and are planning to get the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant shut down.
Plot
The title gag is Superintendent Chalmers sant in a chair floating into the air because of a balloon tied to it. The balloon reads "Springfield Elementary School Picnic."
"Skinnnnneeeeeeeeerrrrr!" Chalmers yells.
The billboard gag reads. "Are you moving yourself? Bully and son's movers." It is an advertisement for Kearney and Kearney Jr's moving truck business to help people move their stuff when they move houses. And he probably steals from them too.
The chalkboard gag is "25 years and they still can't come up with a new punishment."
Lisa in her segment when Mr Largo orders her to leave class, is playing a large harp.
The couch gag is a nightclub bouncer guarding the couch. It has ropes around it. There's a banner for "The Simpsons 25th season." He checks his clipboard and lets Marge and the kids sit down but not Homer. He sends Homer away.
Homer whines and leaves. Then he runs back to try to sneak past but the nightclub bouncer hits him with his nightstick.
...
There is a silly parody of the Homeland opening featuring former Presidents, Itchy and Scratchy, the Grumple shooting everyone and exploding whales!
"America faces an ominous new threat, terrorism. We must be vigilant, secure every home, every church, every Kwik-E-Mart and presidential library." said George Bush Sr.
"I grew up in a little town in Arkansas, whose name, ironically, was Terrorism." said a Bill Clinton.
There's a freeze frame of Sideshow Bob being smacked with a rack from the episode [[Cape Feare]]
(loud explosion) A whale is blown up and its head falls on Abraham Lincoln. What a terrible Carrion... (Carry on.) ... I'll get my coat...
(television static) The Simpsons TV in the kitchen goes to static.
Lisa is sat at the table in her pyjamas as Marge pours a bowl of cereal.
"Ooh, there's new marshmallows in the Belfast Charms!" said Lisa, there were pills in it. The box has the slogan in the corner, "Tragically Delicious!" And the box art is The Treehouse of Horror XII Hex and the City Leprechaun fighting an orange Northern Ireland/Unionist leprechaun.
"No! No, that's Bart's cereal." said Marge taking the bowl. "It's the only way I can get him to take his "vitamins."" Brainwashing pills because she can't deal with what makes Bart, Bart.
(sighs) Marge looks up at medicine bottles of Focusyn and Ritalin in the cupboards.
"Hell no!" Oscar snapped as he sat down with Bart.
"Oz! Language!" Marge frowned.
"Hey zip it! I have every right to be fucking angry right now! I told you no dealing with Bart's behaviour by brainwashing him with those evil drugs! Let Bart be Bart!"
"But Bart is destructive and burns things!" Marge explained.
"So?!" Oscar frowned.
(sighs) Marge sighed.
Bart sat there watching them bicker.
"Eat up." Marge sighed giving Bart his drugged cereal.
"Hell no! Bart do not eat that! It has brainwashing pills in it!" Oscar ranted. "I'll make something else that hasn't been drugged." He glared at Marge.
Homer came in and checked his watch because Bart was supposed to be speaking now.
"We don't have time for you to get on your soapbox Oz..." Marge sighed.
"Mom!" Lisa frowned at Mom.
"Oz buddy, thanks. But I got really told off yesterday for my prank of pouring frogs on the second graders and trapping Skinner in his car and filling it with Squishee. Maybe I need to chill and mellow out..." said Bart. "Plus you're stopping the episode from happening and the camera men are bored.
There were camera operators and the boom mike guy looking extremely bored as the they stood in the kitchen.
"Fine... eat your brainwashing pills..." Oscar groaned.
Bart had some of his medicine and cereal. His pupils went really big for a sec and he shook his head as the pills took effect.
"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." said Bart. Omg! He became Hugey!
"Omg! You're Hugey!" Oscar squealed.
"That's not right." said Lisa.
"Yes, it is. They're my lines as the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz." Bart put on a straw scarecrow hat. "If I only had a braaaaaaaiiiiiinnn!"
Homer sighed glad to be able to read his lines.
"Okay, I'm ready for the Nuclear Workers Convention. It's a little sad- the guys who did the funny skit last year, well, they're all very sick." They have radiation poisoning.
"Did you pack everything you need?" Marge asked.
"Even better. I never unpacked from the time we went to Hawaii." said Homer referencing the previous episode in my fanon where they all went to Hawaii. Homer poured out his luggage.
"Oh yeah. Oscar wanted to have this noodle incident to reference something so we all went on vacation to Hawaii." said Lisa.
"Whoo! My lava's almost cooled!" said Homer juggling a hot lava rock. "Oh! Hot hot hot!" He dropped it on the floor. (sizzling) It burnt through the kitchen floor and fell into the basement. (thump)
"Ow!" said Grampa. "I'm still cold." he whined peaking out of the burnt hole in the kitchen floor.
"Grampa... why are you down there..." Bart sighed.
"Hey Abe! Get out of my bathroom!" James Bouvier yelled. He has a bathroom in the basement.
Homer repacked and went outside because Lenny and Carl were waiting in a green car.
"Oh, a whole weekend away from my family." said Homer as he put his things in the trunk of Carl's car. "I can't believe I have to miss taking the kids to buy gym uniforms. Send me a picture?" Homer sighed as he got in Carl's green car and the three men drove off to a work convention.
"Poor guy." Marge sighed thinking Homer disliked nuclear conventions. Why does he still work for Mr Burns...
"Salt of the earth." said Bart.
However Homer is very happy to go to a nuclear convention thing. He popped a bottle of champagne.
"Convention! Convention!" Homer, Kenny and Carl cheer as Homer pours then champagne. While one of them is driving! Hell no!
(Police siren) Wiggum chases them. Thank you Wiggum...
"Oh no! Cops!" Homer cried barely outside of Evergreen Terrace. Carl sighed and stopped.
"Trying to blatantly drink and drive huh?!" Wiggum scolded them.
"Um... It's non alcoholic champagne..." Carl explained.
"Lou breathalyser them..." said Wiggum.
"Yes sir!" said Lou delighted in his boss doing his job properly. Only because I don't tolerate drink driving...
Homer and his friends whined and had their breathing tested. They were all positive by one unit each.
"Sorry guys, but drink driving is very serious. I can't be neglectful and turn a blind eye. Someone could get killed." said Wiggum.
"But we have a convention!" Homer whined.
"It's okay, I'll take you." said Wiggum.
"Convention! Convention!" They all cheered.
"Convention! Convention!" Homer, Lenny and Carl cheered as they were dropped off by Wiggum at the airport.
"Convention! Convention!" They cheered on the plane.
"Oxygen masks on." said the stewardess as the plane nosedived.
"Convention! Convention!" Homer and his friends cheered despite the plane nosediving.
They continued chanting as a cab dropped them off at the convention and they went in.
(air horn blasting, siren blasting) Jackson's Klaxons and Byron's sirens were making loud air horn honks and whaling sirens at each other...
"Man I love conventions." said Carl.
"Yeah, they're the perfect combination of work and binge drinking." said Lenny.
"Now look guys, we are here for one important reason. To get free swag." said Homer. He sang Swag to Irene Cara's Fame. "Swag, I'm gonna grab forever. Somethin' I really don't need. Swag! I'm gonna have 40 key chains. And I don't even have 40 keys. Swag!" He took several plastic bags and took stuff. Kinda like me at a comic book convention.
"But Homer you have 500 keys!" said Carl referencing [[500 Keys]].
"I gave them all back to where I borrowed them from! Stupid continuity!" Homer whined.
Along the way a health and safety at work spokesman wanted to speak to them but Homer only wanted free stuff like baseball caps etc.
"More free stuff! More free stuff!" Homer chanted, pushing him aside.
Then they met people familiar to them.
"Hey it's that dame I always have a work vacation affair with, every year!" said Carl.
"And there's her frumpy friend I always have dinner with when you two go off somewhere." said Lenny.
A fat woman with blonde hair put on a lobster napkin and licked her lips and took out a knife and fork.
"Oooooooh! I'm married to my beautiful wife so I don't have a friend to reunite with..." Homer sighed.
A worker from another Nuclear Power plant arrived and appeared to be a great friend of Homer, Lenny and Carl because they were giving each other noogies and playing about.
"hey! I remember that you put a dead goat in my bed! That wasn't funny!" said Homer annoyed.
"It wasn't dead until you laid on top of it!" said the prankster.
Homer didn't see the funny side and they started fighting.
...
At School, Students dressed as Scarecrows, Tin Men, Cowardly lions and Dorothy went into school in single file.
A hologram of a tree malfunctioned so Oscar dressed as the Wizard of Oz kicked it until it stopped fizzing and cutting out.
"Oz stop kicking that..l' said Bart.
"Well Seymour, the children seem quite taken by the Wizard of Oz School play we've put on." said Chalmers.
"Yes, quite so, sir. And we've got sponsorship from behaviour medication like Focusyn, Brozac and Crystal Math." said Skinner, Mmmmmm Crystal Math...
"Meth.l." said Oscar obsessed with mentioning the drug after watching Breaking Bad.
In the corridor Bart recited his lines.
"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." said Bart.
"That's a Right Triangle you idiot!" Hugo snapped.
Bart sighed and glanced at the fourth wall.
"If I only had a brain..." Bart sang.
"Yes what a wonderful thing that would be for us all..." Hugo sighed.
...
At the Nuclear Power convention.
"Well I'm gonna introduce Sherman from I.T to my friend spike." said Homer holding a razor sharp spike.
"Homer put that away..." Carl sighed.
Anyway considering Homer is too incompetent to be rewarded with representing the company on outings I assume the convention is cover to get rid of the worst employees for inspection day, so Homer, Lenny, Carl etc are not around to get Mr Burns into trouble.
At a nursery.
"Well I'm gonna introduce that baby who always plays with the toy cash Reggie Fur (register) to my friend, Spike." said Tommy Pickles to Chuckie.
"Eat my shorts!" said Chuckie. Oh Nancy! Hehehehe!
"Oz no!" Bart at school dressed as the Scarecrow groaned. "No referencing my voice actress also voicing Chuckie Finster..." Bart groaned.
Anyway the final cast from auditions were...
"Bart Simpson as ScareCrow." said Skinner. No he's Tin Man! Ralph is Scarecrow!
"Author you already did that episode..." said Bart. It was a straight to DVD film...
"Oscar Tamaki as the wizard of Oz/Professor Marvel, as usual..." Skinner sighed.
"Woohoo!" Oscar cheered.
Bart winced.
"And Mrs Krabappel will be playing the role of the wicked witch of the west." said Skinner.
"Seymour I'm not sure if that's jealousy over the fact that I married Ned." said Edna.
"Trust me it's not Edna. I know I blew my chance." Skinner said softly. "The children made this decision."
Skinner observed the kids who got parts in the play, reciting their lines.
"Somewhere over the rainboooooooow!" Lisa sang.
"Excellent Lisa but more drug scandals and having affairs with the munchkins." said Skinner. Judy Garland was abused by the munchkins...
Skinner felt he must keep an eye on Bart.
"I'm watching you Simpson... I hope we don't have a repeat of Tuesday's picnic..." said Skinner.
It was the same picnic that resulted in Chalmers riding a flying chair floating because of a single pink balloon into the Simpsons Title sequence and an unknown incident involving frogs and Skinner's car full of Squishee may have been part of the same day.
Bart sighed. Gee! Get off of my back Seymour!
"And Oscar, being the Wizard is no excuse for silliness..." said Skinner.
"Kallae Kistnaeeeee..." Oscar rasped.
Bart dressed as Scarecrow face palmed.
...
Sinister music played as we cut to Homer and his friends Lenny and Carl at a hotel dinner. They were in a dining hall with tables, waiters with trays of canapés and everyone drank champagne.
In canon This was where Homer went after getting thrown out of the convention by guards.
Carl was with his secret girlfriend despite being single so he has no woman to hide her from! Except Lenny's sister possibly.
Lenny was arranging a slap up dinner with the frumpy blonde lady.
Homer was having a slap fight with prankster guy.
"Lenny your girlfriend is like a lady version of me! Which is rather cute! Although sadly I am already spoken for M'lady." said Homer drinking champagne. Or a martini.
Plot 2
Marge and the kids arrived at the airport to see Homer but only Lenny and Carl got off the plane.
"Hello." said Lenny and Carl.
"Where's Homer?" Marge asked concerned as Bart held a placard that read "Welcome Back, Dad!"
"Homer, Homer- when did I see him last? Geez, I don't know." said Carl.
(vomits) Lenny vomited into a bag from drunkness.
"Yeah, Homer's a great guy, but that doesn't mean I constantly think about whether he's still alive or not." Carl continued.
Bart crestfallen turned over his placard and wrote something and showed Lenny and Carl. It read; "Need new Dad. No fatties."
Lenny took a picture of them.
"You're taking a picture of 'em in their moment of grief?" Carl gasped.
"It's okay. This camera has an "auto cheer" feature." Lenny clicked a button on his phone and it made Marge, Lisa and Bart smile in the picture. Hehehehe!
"Aw..." said Carl.
"Can I ride on the luggage carousel?" Oscar asked.
"No!" said Marge.
"I'm gonna ride it anyway..." said Oscar. He rides on the luggage carousel.
Marge grumbled.
"Where could he be?" Lisa whimpered thinking about Dad.
Bashir went up to a security gate with dynamite strapped to him.
"I don't think so Bashir..." said the security guard stopping him.
Bashir sighed as he was handcuffed.
"Will You stop assuming that of Bashir, just because he is Muslim?!" Bart yelled.
"So Uh... we'd love to stop and chat Homer's family but we have to get home..." said Carl.
...
Homer's wife and kids had called the authorities because a week had passed and he hadn't returned home when he said he would so naturally they were worried. Patty and Selma also arrived because they're in this scene, so there.
"Well, he's not in the Boise morgue." said Marge having checked a morgue. That would be upsetting if he was.
"Maybe he was mistaken for a dead elephant and flown back to Kenya." said Patty being rude.
Bart laughed hysterically.
"You're talking about my husband! And Bart don't laugh!" said Marge.
"To spare your feelings, we'll just call him the Blob." said Selma.
" Two to one says the Blob is stuck in the water-intake pipe at the reservoir." said Patty.
"Please, I need people here who are helpful and sensitive." said Marge. That's gonna be impossible Marge.
"Sorry I'm late, everyone. I had some trouble getting the voice mails off the 9-1-1 line." said Wiggum arriving. "Why does everyone have to talk so fast and panicky?"
(slowly and clearly) A man cried frightened. "A man with a gun is in my house!" Yes, it's probably yourself, Mr I have the right to carry a gun!
"Gibberish." said Wiggum deleting the message.
"Narrator, abolishing guns is probably why that guy is being menaced in his own home..." Bart frowned.
Yeah like He would get lucky enough to go Rambo on the intruder if he had a gun...
(barking) Santa's little Helper barked as Homer mysteriously arrived.
"Hello, everyone." said Homer.
"Homie! What happened to you?" Marge asked.
"I overslept, lost my cell phone, missed my flight." said Homer in a trance.
"Why didn't you call us?" Marge asked worried.
"Well, all the pay phones at the airport were replaced by self-serve yogurt." said Homer.
"Mmmmmmmmmmm! Possibly cursed yogurt with potassium benzoate toppings..." Oscar drooled.
Hugo winced.
"I ate all the cookie dough toppings a man could want. So many cookies will never be born.
"You monster!" The Cookie Monster cried and sobbed.
"Oz no!" Bart groaned at this silliness.
"Well, I guess all that matters is, everything's back to normal." said Marge.
Homer had flashbacks of what happened to him. Some hippies in a black van kidnapped him. He was tortured by a chair device in a shed, He will blow up the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in a terrorist attack and Bart and Nelson will die! Noooooo!
Bart's gravestone epitaph reads "Eat my shorts!" Nelson's reads "Haw Haw!"
Mrs Muntz stands by her son's grave in her underwear and stockings with tassels on her boobs.
(Explosion) A mushroom cloud.
Yes dear... Back to normal..." said Homer in a trance.
...
At dinner.
"Dear Christian God..." Homer preyed.
"Hey!" Marge yelled.
"Sorry. Dear God- you know which one I mean-" said Homer praying.
"Hey!" Lisa yelled.
(Hrrrrrrrrmmmmm!) Lisa and Marge exchange furious looks.
"Look can you ladies stop fighting over who we pray to..." Homer said in a trance.
"I'll do the prayer..." said Marge. "Dear, the one and only God. Thank you for returning our Homie. He's still got a lot of unfinished business down here. Amen." said Marge.
"Om madi padme hum... Om madi padme hum... Om madi padme hum..." Lisa chanted while meditating.
"Lisa!" Marge snapped.
Bart took out a rosary of beads and a crucifix and did the catholic sign of a cross on his forehead and across his shoulders.
"Bart!" Marge snapped.
"Dear Imaginary Sky man who doesn't exist..." Hugo prayed.
"Hugo!" Marge seethed turning bright red.
"Kali maaaaaaaaaaaa!" Oscar invoked Kali. Hehehehe! Kali maaaaaa...
"Right that's it! I can't stand this blasphemy at the dinner table!" Marge cried. She stormed off. Then returned. "Oh what the heck... I'm hungry..."
"I'm glad you're back, Dad. It's hard to sleep with one unkissed cheek." said Lisa to Homer.
"Yeah, it's tough being man of the house. You left some big underpants to fill. I didn't know they made Underoos in size 52." said Bart.
"They're called Superoos, son. With pictures of the cast of The Expendables." said Homer. Mmmmmmm! Every action movie hero ever... Such exquisite violence...
"More like The Expandables. (chuckles)" Bart laughed cracking a cheeky joke about Homer, But Homer didn't lunge at him and strangle him. "Why didn't you strangle me?"
"That kind of small-scale violence solves nothing." said Homer in a trance.
"At last..." said Oscar frowning.
"Couldn't agree more. Now to celebrate." Marge pulled off the metal cover to reveal orange coloured pork chops. "Ta-da! Pork chops crusted with Cheeto dust."
"Eeeeeeeeeugh!" Oscar groaned.
"Says the boy who likes pineapple on pizza..." Hugo sighed.
"Pineapple is nice on pizza! Cheetos don't go on pork chops! Those chops are dangerously cheesy!" said Oscar doing the slogan.
The Simpsons groaned exasperated.
"Uh, I'll pass on the pork." said Homer.
(spits) Marge spat out her wine in shock.
"I'll just enjoy these green beans with slivered almonds. Mmm, so slivered. Mmm." said Homer, he's vegetarian!
(quietly): "Bart, why is the dad I always wished for creeping me out?" Lisa asked Bart.
"I don't know. 'Cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?" said Bart.
"Yay." Lisa said unimpressed. In canon her family were on a roller coaster cheering while Lisa was reading a book on the roller coaster... (groans) "Point taken."
"Dad, what's that on your lap?" Hugo asked. There was a napkin on Homer's lap.
"A napkin, Hugo." said Homer.
(others gasp) Everyone gasped because Homer was using a napkin, and because he addressed Hugo properly and didn't call him a freak or a mutant.
"Oh yum! Will you being eating that?" Hugo asked about his napkin.
"Um no... I need it to stop food from soiling my clothes if I drop any." said Homer.
"Hugo stop eating the napkins..." Bart sighed.
...
At Moe's.
"Glad you're back, buddy. You got a lot of catching up to do." Moe poured Homer a beer.
However Homer had another flashback of his time in Boise. He was being tortured in a chair with headphones again.
Hippy music plays, ie White Rabbit.
(grunting, panting) Homer was horrified by beer. Hmmmmmm doesn't like pork or beer...
"Can I just get a glass of water?" Homer whined.
"Water? That stuff killed my grandmother." said Moe. "So sad." He looked up at a picture of an old green witch whom resembled him.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Hey! That's not funny!" Moe yelled.
"But it is! She's a witch and she melted! Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed.
Moe rolled his eyes.
...
In bed that night.
"I've been having snuggle dreams." said Marge aroused as she laid on the bed in her sexy night wear.
"Marge, I changed in Boise. I got into smaller pants..."
"That's a pedo joke..." said Oscar. "Because the place is called Boys."
"Oz it's pronounced Bwaaaaaaaaa-ase." said Hugo.
"Don't ruin my fun!" Oscar yelled.
Hank seethed.
"Oh the Karen can't handle edgy humour..." said Oscar...
"I'm not sure a man who eats right and doesn't drink can be good in bed." Homer continued.
"Well, what made you...?" Marge asked but Homer hushed her.
"You're so beautiful when I cut you off in the middle of a question." said Homer and they got into bed...
(both moaning) Oh God! No!
(gasps) Aaaaaaagh!
"Oh. Oh, my. What's that thing you're doing?" Marge asked as well...
(sultrily):" Moving my body." said Homer. (chuckling)
"Oh." Marge giggled.
Bob went to the bathroom to be sick.
"Will you stop calling me Bob..." said Oscar.
Anyway Oscar had snuggle time with Teddy, his living teddy bear too.
Ie that meant Teddy sniffing his diaper... Oscar blushed and sweated as Teddy sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
...
The next morning Marge hummed happily as she made pancakes and flipped then. One got stuck to the ceiling. She sighed.
"I'm a little concerned by Dad. He doesn't seem to be his usual self." said Lisa.
"Who cares? Your father's back." said Marge giving Bart and Lisa their pancakes.
Lisa looked at the syrup writing on her pancakes.
"Yeah, Daddy's back!" said that weird Tiny Tim kid from HOMR who wanted Homer to ask the man for some candy,
Lisa winced.
"Oscar, Don't you think it's weird that Dad stopped eating pork and drinking beer?" Lisa asked Oscar.
"Holy crap! He's an Aloha Snackbar!" Oscar screamed.
"Oz the correct term is Muslim..." Bart seethed. Annoyed at his ignorance.
Lisa went out for a walk.
"Something happened to Dad on that trip. This is worse than when he went to New Orleans and came back with a Southern accent." said Lisa
(deep Southern accent): "Uh, how y'all doin'?" said Homer in a cutaway gag arriving back from vacation to New Orleans wearing a hat. He ate a lizard on a stick. Yeeuck!
She went over to the Kwik e mart and over heard Wiggum and Apu talking about terrorists.
"Yeah I have intel that there's a terrorist attack imminent." said Wiggum to Apu.
"Why do you always speak to me about these things?! That's really offensive! I'm Hindu! We're peaceful!" said Apu.
"Lay off, Apu. When I look at people, I don't see colours. I just see crackpot religions." said Wiggum being rude.
"Hey Kali is awesome! Kali maaaaaa..." Oscar rasped.
"Chief, is there really a terrorist threat to Springfield?" Lisa asked.
"You tell me..." Oscar squinted as behind him walking the streets was Bashir from [[Mypods and Boomsticks]].
"Death to America!" Bashir screamed.
"Chief are you gonna do something about that..." Oscar groaned.
Wiggum was drinking a Squishee. "Uh?"
Oscar face palmed.
Plot 3
Lisa came home to hear Arabic music coming from the garage.
"Huh?"
Homer was laying out a prayer mat.
(gasps) "Dad's kneeling on a prayer mat." Lisa gasped. Homer kneeled on it. "He doesn't believe in kneeling."
(chanting indistinctly)
"Huh? It looks like he's praying." said Lisa. She got out a compass. "To the east. The Middle East. Mecca."
Lisa gasped.
"Oh my God! He's an Aloha Snackbar!" Oscar screamed.
"Shhh!" Lisa hushed.
"Don't worry, he can't hear us until I decide he can." said Oscar.
Homer was laying out blueprints of the Power Plant.
(quietly): "He's targeting the nuclear plant."
Lisa tripped over a basketball and it rolled about. Homer looked about but no one was there.
"Hey, is somebody there? Hello?" He asked.
"Meow?" Lisa meowed like a cat,
Oscar snickered.
"If you are a cat, prove it. Do you hate Mondays, like Garfield?" Homer asked.
(screeches) Lisa screeched like a cat.
Oscar bit his own hand trying to stifle laughter.
"And do you love lasagna, like me?" Homer asked.
"Meow." said Lisa. She hated lasagna because it has meat in it.
"Okay then." said Homer.
(humming happily) Homer left humming happily.
Oscar cracked up laughing hysterically. (Hysterical laughter)
Teddy sighed and rolled his eyes.
...
In the Lounge Marge is ironing coupons! Lisa needs to tell Marge something.
"Mom, I have to tell you something about Dad, something big!"
"I know. He's changed." said Marge.
"Exactly." said Lisa.
"For the better." said Marge. Lisa was confused and went to interject. - And men don't change that way."
"- But-but..." Lisa asked stuttering.
"Do you know what we're doing on Sunday? Brunch with the Hibberts. Then the tile store." said Marge. "He's like a husband in a widow's memory... perfect." said Marge sighing.
Lisa winced.
Homer came in in his underwear scratching himself with a fire poker.
Lisa winced.
Oscar followed wearing just a diaper. "When you're done can I borrow the fire place poker..."
Lisa face palmed.
Marge hummed oblivious to Homer acting weird.
"I'm just goons summon fanged peanut brittle now..." said Oscar. What that is I don't know! But it's probably weird...
Lisa was even more exasperated.
...
That Night Lisa called the FBI on the kitchen phone because she thought Dad was a terrorist. But she contacted the FBI from the Crime action drama Homeland. And Anne Crawford answered, and she is completely insane!
Two of her co workers were talking in the background.
"Excuse me, were you guys talking about me?" She asked.
"No. and we don't exist. We're part of your imagination..." said a black guy and a guy based on Mandy Patinkin. Suddenly they turned into Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny! See? She's nuts! Then they turned into Sherlock Holmes and Lucien Freud. Then into a pink unicorn and Papa Smurf! Then a hat rack and a basket of umbrellas. Then finally Robin Hood and Abraham Lincoln. Robin Hood shot Abraham Lincoln.
Anne Crawford took Lunatrix pills for this madness. Or perhaps they caused her madness.
"Oh I take Lunatrix." said Oscar.
"Why?" Lisa asked on the phone in the kitchen late at night.
"Why'd ya think? So I don't drive people insane hallucinating Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or Papa Smurf! Or Robin Hood shooting Abraham Lincoln!" Oscar screamed insane.
"But you hate being medicated." said Lisa.
"I know. I've stopped taking my Lunatrix for a whole year. Hi Superman Gandhi!" said Oscar imagining Gandhi dressed as Superman.
Lisa winced.
...
The next morning Bart was watching Krusty the clown.
"Hey-hey! The wild man of Wichita!" said Krusty as there was a feral beaded man. "And now it's Krusty's safari time!" Krusty's dangerous and weird animal exhibit was on. This week it was about the Urine Monkey.
"So, this is the Urine Monkey." Krusty asked the safari wild life expert lady. "And may I-Eeeeeeeeeugh! So that's why it's called that..." the monkey peed on him.
Then Itchy and Scratchy was on. It was the episode Four Funerals and a Wedding. Itchy replaced Scratchy's bride with a dummy made of bombs and dynamite. They had dynamite children and lived into old age until the dummy blew up killing them both. Itchy as an old guy laughed then died of a heart attack.
Bart laughed.
Homer came in acting brainwashed but it turned out he's not a terrorist but working for Eco warriors protecting the environment.
"Uh... Dad..." said Bart.
"(Zombie like groan)" said Homer.
Lisa's right! Something weird has happened to dad! Bart thought in an internal monologue.
"Homer you were supposed to feed Hugo an hour ago!" Marge nagged.
Homer went off to fetch Hugo's bucket of fish heads.
In the attic, Homer served Hugo the bucket of fish heads.
"Dad, thanks for bringing me for dinner a fish cake. Hey, where's the fish cake?" Hugo asked his dad when he handed over the bucket of fish heads for dinner. The fish cake was missing.
"I got hungry, and... I thought it was a fig." said Homer.
"It was fishy cake!" Hugo yelled exasperated.
"Ooooh..." said Homer.
"Why is every scene with Hugo, just him being a freak?!" Bart asked.
Oscar strangled Bart. "Do not speak about your twin brother like that!" Oscar snapped.
...
Anyway that night Lisa was caught by Homer.
"What did you see?" Homer asked.
"Nothing!" Lisa said scared. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing." said Homer in a trance.
If Dad was a terrorist, she wouldn't dare press him. He could be extremely dangerous.
Bart was having a sleepover with Milhouse. He frowned as Milhouse bought Puppy Goo Goo with him. In this episode Puppy Goo Goo is a soft toy.
"Honestly I might as well have a sleepover with Oscar..." said Bart.
So Bart bunked with Oscar. He was mortified because Oscar was wearing a wet diaper letting Teddy, his living teddy bear creature sniff his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar gurgled like a baby.
"Okay... maybe not..." Bart shivered in disgust and went back to his room and got into bed. Milhouse was fast asleep. Bart eventually nodded off.
Anne Crawford broke in because Bart hadn't locked his window. You know just for that idiocy Bart, Sideshow Bob invites himself in too. And his in one of his evil moods...
Bart wakes up and shines his torch at Anne Crawford.
"Hey no FBI informants! I'll only talk to your boss!" said Bart.
"I'm here for your father, not you." said Anne Crawford.
"What's going on?" Milhouse asked.
"Go to sleep Milhouse." said Bart. He glared at Anne Crawford as she left to find to find the master bedroom.
"Hello Bart." said Sideshow Bob.
"Nyaaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed. He pulled a lever and an anvil fell on Sideshow Bob knocking him out. "I really have to lock that window for this exact reason..." Bart groaned.
...
At breakfast Lisa once again tried to explain to Mom that Dad was acting odd.
"Mom Dad's-"
"Changed? Yes. And for the better." said Marge making cupcakes.
"(sniffs) I'll tell ya what needs changing. Oscar's diaper." Hugo groaned because Oscar's diaper was stinky.
Oscar whined.
"Hurry up, we're having tea with the Hibberts." said Marge.
Hugo frowned. "Count me out."
"Hugo I can't leave you home alone. I know you don't like Dr Hibbert." said Marge.
"Like? Mom that's an understatement... I despise him!" Hugo frowned holding his nose because of the stench of Oscar's diaper.
"I have news everyone." said Homer in a trance. "Carl Carlson is now a character in the TV series Eureka."
Bart winced.
...
Meanwhile in Homeland. Annie Crawford hallucinated green and orange leprechauns fighting and alien ships firing lasers and a giant Neville Chamberlain in the sky!
"Peace in our time!"
Her mentor was Mandy Patinkin. A man with a woman's name!
"It's short for Mandal!" said Mandy the man.
At home Homer sang Oh Mandy by Barry Manilow again.
"Oh Mandy! You came and you left without baking! So I sent you Ben Gay... Oh Indy...
"Dad are you having an affair..." said Lisa.
Homer gasped. "Of course not! How could you think such a thing?!"
"Because you're singing about a woman called Mandy or a man called Indy..." said Lisa.
"A man can be called Mandy!" said Mandy Patinkin from Homeland.
"No... They can't..." said Lisa.
...
At the Power Plant Homer sings the Islamic call to prayer. Aloha Snackbar!
(à la lslamic call to prayer): It is the climax
br
What everything's been
br
Buil...
br
Di-ing to
br
Hope it pays off for you
br
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
He then decided to sing Arabian Nights from Disney's Aladdin...
(Aladdin theme tune,)
(beeping) Homer went through a metal detector in the security gate reception. Larry the guard stopped him when his "bomb" seat off the metal detector.
"What you got there, Homer?" Larry asked unprofessionally.
"Weird thing under a tarp." said Homer.
"That's what I thought. Have a good one." said Larry (laughs) They fist bump.
"You laugh now, but you won't be laughing soon." Homer muttered menacingly.
"He's right, because now I go back to remembering that my cat just died." said Larry.
In a surveillance truck. "He's in." said Annie.
(knocking) Carl and Lenny knocked on the truck. Outside it was disguised as a Fresh Burrito Inc. truck.
"What?!" Annie said annoyed.
"One sunrise burrito, please." said Lenny.
"Fine!" Annie said annoyed and made a burrito.
"One Korean taco..." Oscar said to Lenny.
Lenny sighed.
In the reception security reception checkpoint after Homer left and Larry was reminded of his cat, Oscar ran in. Sirens went off.
Female computerised voice: "Warning! Warning! Oscar Tamaki has been sighted. Warning!"
"Hey you can't be in here!" said Larry.
"And you're not supposed to let coworkers bring in mysterious large objects under tarpaulin without properly frisking them... Wayne would have done a better job..." said Oscar.
"I work at the DMV now..." said Wayne from [[The Falcon and the D'ohman]].
Plot 4
Meanwhile Homer arrived at high tech security door.
Female Voice: "Facial recognition required."
(high-pitched whirring) Homer scanned an ugly fish.
"Welcome, Mr. Burns."
Homer went in the room that had to be secured with a high tech facial recognition system because it was the air conditioner room.
He set up his "bomb" but A stumbling figure in a radiation suit lumbered out of the shadows.
(grunts) Homer hit the figure hard with a rod. They were Oscar riding on a Lisa's shoulders.
"Dad!" said Lisa.
"Huh? How'd you get in here?" Homer asked.
"Girl Scout cookies get you in anywhere." said Lisa holding a box of cookies. Oscar was in the background eating cookies.
"Please don't do this, Dad. I don't know what horrors you saw in Boise, but it's not worth blowing up everyone you love." said Lisa.
"I'm not blowing up the plant." said Homer (chuckling): "Oh. Just harmlessly stopping it from doing more damage to Mother Earth."
"Is that something your terrorist masters told you to tell me?" Lisa sighed. She didn't believe him.
(sighs) "Yes. My terrorist masters are always talking about you, Lisa." Homer explained his flashback.
"I missed my flight, (Homer stumbled out of the hotel drunk,) so I got in a van... with some eco-friendly activists. (Hippy eco warriors kidnapped him.) They wanted gas, grass or ass, and, brother, I had the ass. They taught me something I found shocking. Pigs aren't happy to be made into pork chops. (Lisa gave him an I know! I've told you that a million times already! Look.) This T-shirt lied to me. And they also gave me an alcohol detox." Homer was strapped in a chair and tortured with music.
Hippy music basically. The flower worshipping bastards!
(Sitars playing a songs about weed.)
"Oh! Oh! Oh, I've been listening to this song for three days, and it's only the end of the first verse!" Homer in the flashback groaned.
"But I saw you praying to Mecca." said Lisa.
"Lisa, I've never prayed to a city in my life, and if I did, it would be Hershey, Pennsylvania." said Homer.
"Mmmmmmmmmm! Spooky chocolate..." said Oscar drooling.
"I was kneeling on the affirmation rug they gave me. See?" Homer laid out his rug. (rhythmically): "Ow, this rug is hard on my knees. Ow, this rug is hard on my knees. Ow, this rug is hard on my knees."
"But wait, wait, wait. What is this?" Lisa looked at his bomb.
"Lisa, the most horrible truth of all is, the plant where I work poisons our water and our air." said Homer glum.
"I've told you that a million times..." said Lisa annoyed.
"Aw, sweetie, you told me a thousand things a million times. Even with a brain the size of a dinosaur's, I couldn't take that in." said Homer.
Dino. Oscar's baby Chomby like dinosaur monster glared at Homer.
"Now you just upset Dino!" Oscar frowned.
.Anyhoo, this canister is full of spoiled milk and utility-grade chicken, both sold to me by Apu this morning. When I release it into the AC system, it'll stink up the plant forever." said Homer.
Lisa realises his plan. "No one can use it, but no one gets hurt." she said with joy.
"Just like when I smell up the toilet." said Homer.
They hug.
"Okay Dad! Let's do it!" said Lisa agreeing to help him.
"Freeze!" said Annie Crawford. "You Nazi walruses and communist Easter bunnies!" She saw Nazi walrus bastards and communist Easter Bunnies.
"Annie take your Lunatrix..." Mandy Patinkin sighed handing her, her pills.
"Step away from that device!" A black FBI agent pointed a gun at them.
"No please! It's not what you think! That's just a container of expired milk and economy grade chicken from Apu! It's to flood the Air conditioner and stink up the place harmlessly! We're eco warriors! Not terrorists!" said Lisa.
"Hippy Tree huggers... Damnit! Look we do care about the Earth but crazy kids need to-" said the black guy.
"Now Lisa!" Homer yelled.
Lisa matrix dived and turned on the device, but nothing happened. "Uh? It's supposed to break the air conditioner and stink out the place!"
"Except it won't!" said Mr Burns coming in. Lisa gasped. "Because thank goodness we don't have an air conditioner."
"Mr Burns! Your Nuclear Power Plant doesn't have air conditioning?!" said the black guy.
"No..." said Mr Burns.
"That is illegal!" said the black guy told him off. "You're under arrest!"
"No prison made of mud bricks can hold me! Smithers, prisons are still made of mud bricks and straw right?" said Mr Burns being arrested.
"Uh no sir. They're made of concrete..." said Smithers.
"Nooooooooo!" Mr Burns cried.
"In the mean time. This plant will be shut down until Mr Burns relents and gets an air conditioner installed. Congratulations Homer. You may have completed your stunt in a way." said the black agent.
"Woohoo!" Homer and Lisa cheered.
"Now get out of my sight! Before I decide to press charges!" said the FBI agent.
Homef and Lisa head home.
In the parking lot.
"Dad, I don't know how much of you still has gone off from eating pork and drinking beer but I hope you stay as this new sober and meat free Dad." said Lisa. "Please just give it a try..."
"Well um... Oh! A bottle of beer on a tiny parachute is floating down from the sky! It's a sign!" Homer saw a bottle of Duff float down on a parachute. He took it and drank it.
"Hehehehe! The flying machine pays for itself. Mwuhahahaha!" Moe operating a flying machine and dropping beers on parachutes laughed maniacally.
The end!