Chapter 12
Kakarot and Vegeta arrive at Beerus' planet the very next morning. Kakarot still very much seething about Frieza.
"ready for your training?" Whis says greeting the Saiyan's
"Yes." Vegeta replies
"Let's get this done so we can finish off Frieza." Kakarot says firmly
"Ah yes, I heard about that." Whis says
"I've got Bulma fixing the damage on the city with the Dragonballs as we speak." Vegeta says turning to Kakarot
"And no doubt he will be back." Kakarot says angrily crossing his arms "When he does, I swear it, I'm finishing him off. I'll die before he gets away again."
"I'm sure it won't come to that." Whis says "With some more training, you'll be stronger for when you face him again."
"Maybe not, but I'm willing to go that far." Kakarot replies "But at the moment, it seems even Ultra Instinct isn't enough."
"How so?" Whis asks
"He seemed to fend it off far too easily." Kakarot replies "I only got the upper hand by catching him off guard while Vegeta was fighting him."
It's fine, we can work on that." Whis says
The Saiyan's jump into training.
Kakarot's frustration was evident. He pushed himself more. he was in his base form still, and the silver eyes stayed, proving Ultra Instinct was still there.
Kakarot pushed himself more, using his frustration, his anger, everything to train. He seemed more aggressive, determined even. The Saiyan pushed himself more than ever.
Ultra Instinct was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to training, using and mastering Ultra Instinct and Kakarot knew that. Kakarot was not ready to give up. He had to be more, he felt it deep within his soul. He was not one to seek revenge like this usually, but that's exactly what he wanted, revenge. He wanted to hit Frieza where it truly hurt, but he had to figure that out.
So many things ran through Kakarot's mind, so much so, he hadn't been paying attention all that much. He was dodging, throwing punches and kicks without even thinking about it. He hadn't even been registering fully that he was doing it, everything he did at this point was automatic, just as it should be. Though, this shouldn't be the reason he's able to do it, revenge. He should be able to do it whenever, not under certain circumstances. He needed to do it freely, whenever, wherever. But right now, it worked for him.
Whis noticed this. He noticed Kakarot had not been paying attention. He could sense Kakarot's mind far away from his body. He noticed that the instinct to just do it had made an appearance. He had seen Kakarot do this very thing in his base state previously, but not to this extent. He was not sure what exactly triggered it, where it came from, but he didn't make and effort to figure it out, he just knew Kakarot was doing it, and that's what mattered.
"Good, Kakarot" Whis praises the Saiyan "You seem to have better control of Ultra Instinct in your base state."
"Well I need to figure this out fast." Kakarot replies "I need to kick the shit out of Frieza."
"Not usually the way I'd suggest mastering Ultra Instinct, but I can see it's working for you." Whis says
"I do have a question." Kakarot says
"Yes?" Whis asks curiously
"Is it possible to eventually combine it with other forms?" Kakarot wonders
"Eventually, I'm sure." Whis answers
"Good." Kakarot replies "Once I get a hang of this properly, that's my next plan."
"Alright, I'll keep that in mind for when you've mastered Ultra Instinct in your base state." Whis says
Kakarot and Vegeta continued their training until they were satisfied with what they'd done for the day.
As they began to leave, Vegeta received a message from Bulma asking both he and Kakarot to head straight to Capsule Corp. It seemed urgent. The Saiyan's rushed off. They had no idea what was going on.
Vegeta and Kakarot entered Capsule Corp and the air felt solemn. Something wasn't right.
Kakarot and Vegeta looked at each other confused.
Bulma appeared, but she looked as though she'd been crying. Her eyes were read and puffy, her cheeks stained with tears.
"Bulma?!" Vegeta sounded concerned "What's wrong?!"
Bulma looked at Vegeta, then at Kakarot who was leaning on the wall, as her eyes welled with tears once more.
"I-I'm sorry..." Bulma whispers as tears fall down her face.
Kakarot noticed how she looked right at him as she said this "Bulma...?"
"It-it's Goten..." Bulma cries
"W-what?" Kakarot stares at Bulma, his eyes wide "Is he okay?! Where is he?!"
"He..." Bulma struggles to keep herself together knowing how she'd feel in this situation. "He's gone..."
"The fuck do you mean he's gone?!" Kakarot exclaims "Gone where?!"
"He...He's dead." Bulma cries even harder
Kakarot stares at Bulma, his eyes still wide with shock. He feels his silver eyes start to sting as tears begin to form and glisten through the tears. "What...how?!"
"Frieza..." Bulma drops her head.
"That. Fucking. BASTARD!" Kakarot screams as tears start running down his face and he punches a hole in the wall next to him. "I'm going to fucking kill him!"
"Kakarot..." Vegeta starts
"Wait, the Dragonballs..." Kakarot says without turning around
"We can't..." Bulma whispers, "we just used them...they're not ready..."
Kakarot turns to face Bulma, tears still falling, but now more than before. The realisation just hit him. He couldn't bring Goten back.
"N-no..." Kakarot stutters as he falls to his knees "I can't...no..."
Kakarot had no idea what he was feeling. So many emotions flowed through him at once, anger, rage, pain, grief. He had no control of himself. He felt like he couldn't breathe, all he could do was stay there on his knees, his hands on the ground holding himself up, watching his tears pitter patter on the floor, making a small puddle on the ground. He could see part of his reflection in the tears pooling on the ground. All he could see was a broken man.
"It's all my fault..." Kakarot says, his voice low but broken "If I had been here, he'd be alive..."
"No, Kakarot..." Vegeta says softly "It's not your fault at all. You weren't to know this would happen. The fault lies with Frieza"
"I failed..." Kakarot says "I failed my son, I failed Chi-Chi...I promised her that they'd BOTH be safe. I promised her nothing would happen to either of them. I should have been here to protect him..."
Vegeta had no idea how to comfort Kakarot. He'd never seen Kakarot so broken. He watched as the broken Saiyan's rage grew more and more.
"I'm going to fucking kill him!" Kakarot shouts angrily through the tears. "I'm going to tear the bastard apart. I'm going to make him suffer the way I'm sure he made Goten suffer, the way he made Chi-Chi suffer. I'm going to make sure I torture the bastard before finally killing him. You thought I wanted revenge before, Vegeta. Oh, no, now you're going to see what real revenge looks like."
"Kakarot..." Vegeta stared at the Saiyan in shock. He'd never seen Kakarot like this before. He understood exactly why he was like this, but he couldn't believe the side of Kakarot that presented itself.
"No, Vegeta." Kakarot without looking at the Saiyan "It's time he pays. It's time he dies. It's time he suffers. I'm fucking done."
Vegeta did not know how to reply, instead, he approached Kakarot and stood in front of him. Vegeta held out a hand.
Kakarot looked up at Vegeta through the tears that still fell. Kakarot, without saying anything, grabbed Vegeta's hand and Vegeta helped Kakarot to his feet. Vegeta didn't need to say anything, his face said it all, and Kakarot understood. They had their differences, but Vegeta was clearly understanding, his face expressed sympathy, pain. Vegeta knew he'd be the same.
Kakarot was truly done, there was no coming back from this. It seemed who Kakarot was, had just died and a new Kakarot came to life, but not one anyone would want to mess with.
Vegeta knew who Kakarot was, but he was yet to know who Kakarot had become.
"Do you want to see Goten?" Bulma asks softly
Kakarot nods.
Bulma leads Kakarot and Vegeta to where Goten's body was. Kakarot enters the room. Chi-Chi was there, sitting next to Goten, silently. She looks up to see Kakarot, who still had tears falling. At this point, he couldn't control the tears, like a broken pipe that leaked water. Kakarot quietly walked over and stood beside his wife and looked at his son.
"I-I'm sorry" Kakarot whispered "If I had known...I wouldn't ha e left this morning...I failed you, I failed you both."
Kakarot takes his sons hand in his own "I promise, Frieza will pay for this. He will suffer the same fate. Goten, I'm sorry, I'll never be able to fix this, not truly. I failed you in a way a father shouldn't. I said I would protect you, yet, I failed. I was never the perfect father, that I know, but I do hope you know I tried my best. I love you, so much."
"Kakarot..." Chi-Chi stands up to face her husband "Look at me, please?"
Kakarot turns to Chi-Chi "I'm sorry"
"Listen to me, this was NOT your fault. You did not fail us. You didn't know." Chi-Chi says softly "You couldn't have know this would happen. You are and never were a bad father, you did not fail us, I promise you."
"If I didn't, he'd still be alive." Kakarot replies, his voice breaking
"Promise me something?" Chi-Chi asks
"Anything." Kakarot answers
"First, that you don't blame yourself." Chi-Chi says "Secondly, promise me you'll avenge our son, promise me you'll end that bastard, that he will suffer like Goten did."
"I promise." Kakarot replies as Chi-Chi hugs him "I won't let him get away with this."
The room fell silent again, the air was tense, sad and cold. Even Vegeta couldn't help but shed a silent tear and he was not one for doing such a thing. He couldn't imagine the pain Kakarot was going through, he couldn't imagine losing Trunks that way.
#
Eventually Kakarot had the courage to cover Goten's body with a sheet. "Until we meet again, son."
They bow had to plan a funeral for Goten, which would be the hardest thing Kakarot would ever do. Of all the fights, the challenges he experienced, burying his son would be the hardest by far.
A week later, the funeral was underway. It was set for close friends and family.
There were 6 people carrying the coffin. Kakarot and Vegeta at the front, Gohan was behind Kakarot, Piccolo behind Vegeta, and Krillin and Master Roshi at the back.
They walked toward the plot. Kakarot stared blankly ahead as tears fell. Kakarot felt numb, broken, like he couldn't breathe.
Vegeta looked over at Kakarot as the Saiyan stared blankly ahead, he couldn't even begin to think what was going through Kakarot's mind.
"Kakarot..." Vegeta whispers "I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it's going to be okay. The hurt will never truly go away, but it gets easier to manage."
"I hope so..." Kakarot whispers in reply "Frieza won't get away with this."
The coffin was gently put in place and the ceremony went on. Plenty of loved ones were there. Even Whis and Beerus could be seen from a distance.
The coffin was finally lowered and covered, and once the funeral was over, it was time to leave.
Kakarot struggled to walk away. He'd be leaving his son, forever. he'd never see Goten's face again, never talk to him, hear his voice, hug him again. Kakarot wished he could have taken his place, at least then he'd know Goten was okay, that he was happy. He wished the Dragonballs could be used, if they could have been, Goten would be there. He'd be laughing, smiling, playing. They wouldn't be burying him. they wouldn't be walking away from him, they wouldn't be hurting anymore.
Kakarot felt death would feel better than feeling as broken as he does. He didn't understand how anyone could ever be okay again after a loss like this. He wondered how people moved on, how they coped with it.
It wouldn't have been an issue if the Dragonballs could be used, but they can't and once they're usable again, it'll be too late. He couldn't fix this, he couldn't make it better, all he could do was make Frieza pay.
Kakarot was a shell of himself, a broken angry shell. He was hell bent on revenge.
Bulma worried about Kakarot. She felt he shouldn't be alone, it was clear Kakarot was far from okay, understandably. She worried he would spiral and lose control of himself. She was worried he'd do something dangerous, and not even think about it.
She expressed this concern to Vegeta who agreed. He knew Kakarot well, but he did not this side of Kakarot well enough to say for sure what he'd do.
Vegeta told Bulma he'd keep an eye on Kakarot, and make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Vegeta knew Kakarot would struggle to even train after this, knowing he'd be afraid to leave.
Bulma made it her own task to have Chi-Chi stay with her for a while to support her and make sure she wasn't alone. She wanted to make sure Chi-Chi was safe, since Frieza could come back again if he felt the need to. Though Frieza would be stupid to try, Bulma wouldn't put it past him. Frieza wanted to hurt Kakarot in the worst way, to break him, make him weak, to destroy him from the inside out.
What Frieza didn't realise was how Kakarot was going to come back with a vengeance like no other. Kakarot would be more determined than ever before. Kakarot was not giving up, he would avenge his son, no matter what. He was going to keep going, keep fighting, for Goten. That's what Goten would have wanted.
Frieza was not achieving what he thought he was.
Back at Capsule Corp, Bulma was talking to Kakarot and Chi-Chi about the idea of Chi-Chi staying with her for a while, it would be better for her, safer until Frieza was gone and would give Kakarot the confidence to get back to training knowing his wife was safe. Kakarot agreed, feeling it was best for Chi-Chi right now, at least until Frieza was gone.
Bulma made a nice big spread of food, with Chi-Chi's help. She felt they needed it after such a rough day.
The next morning Vegeta and Kakarot went right back to training. There was no more time to waste.
"Ah.. you're here." Whis say surprised "I didn't expect you back so soon
"No." Kakarot says firmly "There's no time for that. We need to be rid of Frieza as soon as possible."
"I see." Whis replies "Are you sure you're ready to train again?" Whis couldn't help but express concern.
"Yes." Kakarot says "I'm fine." Kakarot replies
"Hmm.." Beerus says "If you'd taken my offer I'd have properly taught you the Hakai and you could have destroyed him destroyed him."
Kakarot stares at Beerus for a moment, he realised Beerus was right. "You know what, you're right. I will take you up on that offer if it's still there."
"Kakarot...?" Vegeta stares at the Saiyan he couldn't believe it. Kakarot was actually asking Beerus to train him as a God of Destruction!
"No, Vegeta, he's right." Kakarot says "I could have ended this. This way I can make Frieza suffer and make sure he can't come back."
"That is true" Vegeta says "But seriously Kakarot, think about this. You're asking to be the next God of Destruction. It's not something you can just walk away from.
"I'm aware." Kakarot replies "I don't plan to walk away."
Vegeta was a bit unsure and a little concerned about Kakarot's decision. he felt it was rushed, but he could not stop him unless it was going to cause Kakarot harm, and this choice would not.
He thought Kakarot would turn away from such a thing, but the truth was that Kakarot was definitely not the same person he was before. He had changed massively. He was far from the Kakarot Vegeta knew before. He guessed such grief could change a person, but he wouldn't know, he was not the one going through it. He wanted to do his best to support Kakarot through this tough time.
Kakarot started his training with Beerus, he made sure to promise Whis he was not going to neglect training Ultra Instinct, and would train with him as well, whether it be splitting each training day in half, or alternating days, as well as being sure to train it at home through meditation. This made Vegeta feel better as that told him the old Kakarot was still somewhat there.
Training had gone on for most of the day, and by the end, Kakarot had a better understanding of the role he was taking on to become the next God of destruction. He began learning the Hakai in more detail, working on destroying bigger pieces of stone with each attempt. His determination was what was getting him as far and he was going to keep that determination with him forever.
The Saiyan's left and headed back late evening to be greeted by Bulma and Chi-Chi.
"How was training?" Bulma asks
"It went fine." Kakarot shrugged
"You're not going to tell them?" Vegeta turns to Kakarot
"I mean, do I need to?" Kakarot questions
"I mean, kind of." Vegeta says "It's kind of a big thing."
"Tell us what?" Chi-Chi asks "Kakarot? What are you not telling us?"
"Well..." Kakarot trails off
Vegeta rolls his eyes "Kakarot took Beerus up on his offer. He's going to be the next God of Destruction."
"You what?!" Bulma and Chi-Chi exclaim in unison
"I thought you didn't want to, that it wasn't you?" Bulma asks
"Well, that was before..." Kakarot sighs "I guess you could say I've changed. Plus, If I learn the Hakai, I could quite literally erase Frieza from existence."
"Couldn't you have just asked Beerus to teach you it instead?" Bulma asks
"I could have, sure." Kakarot shrugs "But I didn't want to."
"Kakarot..." Chi-Chi looks at her husband with a little concern "Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you're not just doing this because of Frieza? Something like this is a big choice, and it sounds like you can't just walk away once you feel better."
"I'm sure." Kakarot replies "I know you're worried about me, I get it, but I know what I'm doing. I'm well aware I can't just walk away from this, I will see it through. I may feel better one day, but I will never be the same person again, regardless of what happens. That person you knew before, he's gone. He died the moment I found out Goten died. This is me now. I will never be that man again. He was too weak. He couldn't protect his son. I will never let that happen again."
"As long as you know what you're getting into." Bulma says "I do hope you've thought this through."
"I have." Kakarot says "I've had enough time to think about it."
"Just please be safe." Chi-Chi says "I can't lose you too..."
"You won't." Kakarot reassures "I promise."
Kakarot left to shower and change, hoping he would feel somewhat refreshed, and a little better.
"Vegeta, you should have stopped him." Bulma says
"I couldn't." Vegeta says "But I get where he's coming from. Beerus offered it to him, and we all know he never outright said no to him, he said he'd come back to the possibility at a later date, and to be fair, he did. He was sure of this. Look, I'll make sure he's okay, I'll make sure he doesn't go overboard or do anything stupid, but I can't control him and what he decides to do."
Bulma sighs, she knows Vegeta is right. "I just hope he knows what he's getting into..."
"Me too." Vegeta says "It's so weird seeing him like this, it's like I barely know him anymore. I feel like I have to get to know him all over again."
"I know what you mean..." Chi-Chi sighs "I do miss who he was. I get it, loss changes people, I just didn't expect it to be this much. I miss him so much. He's so withdrawn, I can see he's struggling, but I don't know what I can do to make it better. He's blaming himself, even when he says he's not, I can see he's lying."
"I know. Kakarot has never been the best liar." Vegeta agrees "It sounds crazy to say, but I do miss the old Kakarot. Seeing him like this...fuck, it's rough. He's falling apart and I just don't know what to do to get him through this. How do you help someone suffering this much? How do I make him feel better? He can drive me up the wall, but it's not fair to see him like this..."
Little did Chi-Chi, Bulma and Vegeta know, Kakarot had finished his shower, he had overheard their conversation. Hearing their words, knowing their worry, and hearing them not know how to help him, it comforted him knowing they supported him, but it upset him knowing that they didn't know how to help him, and how it hurt them seeing him so broken. He couldn't help it, and he was aware that they knew that. he leant against the wall, tears welling in his eyes and slid down the wall until he was sat on the floor, his knees to his chest. He let the tears fall. He could hear their voices express their concern for him, how they wanted the best for him, how they, even Vegeta cared for him, how they wanted to help him, yet, he didn't know how to help himself.
After several minutes, Kakarot got up from the floor and entered the bedroom. He sat on the end of the bed and sighs. The tears still fell. He just wanted the pain to end, he didn't know what to do, how to deal with it, he just let himself fall apart when no one could see him.
There was a sudden light knock at the door, as Kakarot finished getting dressed.
"Kakarot?" Vegeta's voice came through the door.
Kakarot quickly wiped his tears away "You can come in."
Vegeta opens the door and carefully steps inside. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine.." Kakarot answers
"Kakarot, no." Vegeta replies "Be honest with me. We've come this far together, you don't have to hide."
Kakarot looks down at the ground, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. "No. I'm not." Kakarot slumps down on the bed.
"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Vegeta asks
Kakarot is surprised. Vegeta is never one for being gentle, yet, he's being very gentle, and careful around him. "Honestly, I don't know how to help myself. I do have a question though."
"Ask me." Vegeta replies
"It's not like you to be this way with me...why?" Kakarot asks
"Because I know if I were in your position, you'd do the same for me." Vegeta replies "We've not always got on, we've had our disagreements, but I am worried about you Kakarot. We all are. Grief changes people, but this is such a drastic change for anyone. We just want to know you're going to be okay, that you won't do anything stupid. Grief can make people do things they wouldn't normally do."
"If you mean the whole God of Destruction thing, I am aware of what I'm doing." Kakarot says "Look, I know that right now I seem crazy, you must think I'm off my head for doing this. I know you're all worried about me because I've changed so much, but I think this is the best thing to do. This way, I can stop these things from happening to anyone else. No one should have to go through this. If anyone ever threatens Trunks, or even Bulla in this way, you can rest assured they'll be safe because I'll erase the bastard who threatens them. You have my word."
"Kakarot..." Vegeta looks surprised "you don't have to do that."
"You're right, I don't." Kakarot says as he looks at Vegeta in the eyes "I want to. I failed Goten, I won't fail anyone else."
"Kakarot, you didn't fail him." Vegeta says
"Yes I did, Vegeta." Kakarot says "I should have fucking known."
"I don't believe you did, none of us do." Vegeta places a hand on Kakarot's shoulder. "Look, it's tough right now, but don't shut us out Kakarot. We are here for you. You do not have to go through this alone. It's going to be okay, I know it."
Vegeta gave Kakarot a small smile as he walks toward the door. He stops just outside the door and turns back to Kakarot. "You got this."
Vegeta leaves, pulling the door closed behind him.
Kakarot is alone again, thinking over the conversation once more before turning out the lights and attempting to sleep. Sleep had not been something Kakarot got much of these days.
Over the next week, Kakarot trains excessively. He was improving quickly with his training as the next God of Destruction. He was given an earring that the Gods of Destruction wore.
He continued his training of Ultra Instinct with Whis, finally learning how to use it in his base state without the stamina drain. His goal was using both techniques in conjunction with each other, he knew Beerus could use a little Ultra Instinct, but Kakarot used it at a much higher level than Beerus, which impressed Beerus greatly. Kakarot was now beginning to learn to use Ultra Instinct alongside his Super Saiyan forms, which was going to be a challenge in itself.
Kakarot was now destroying much larger objects, hoping to quickly move toward something Frieza sized at least. He was close. Beerus commented how quickly Kakarot was learning, how impressed he was with the Saiyan's training.
Kakarot's determination spurred him on, but the training kept him distracted from the grief he still felt in his heart. As long as he was distracted, he felt somewhat okay, but at night, he was not okay. He couldn't help but feel the grief, and often let the tears fall while Chi-Chi slept silently beside him. He felt his grief as powerfully as the day Goten died. It was like he could not escape. Coming to terms with the fact that Goten was not coming back haunted him, he didn't know how to cope, but he didn't tell anyone that. He put on a brave face everyday, let everyone believe he was okay, and doing better because he didn't want to worry them.
Chi-Chi seemed to be coping better than Kakarot, but for all he knew, she could be doing the same as he does, she could be putting on a brave face too. She had enough to worry about with having to worry about him even more. Kakarot knew she worried about him. He'd heard the conversations, he'd heard how they hoped he'd be himself again soon. No one realised that he was never going to be that person again, no matter how they wished he would. Kakarot saw the old him as weak, a failure, and he wouldn't be that person anymore. He was going to be stronger, better, smarter.
Kakarot just had to let these feelings out, maybe one day his nights wouldn't be filled with silent tears and heartbreak, but there was no telling how long that would take, if ever. Right now though, each day felt like it just got harder. It got more painful.
But it gets harder before it gets easier right? ... Right?