Shinji had never been down here. These drab, dirty tunnels had never been his place. It made him feel doubly guilty: Seeing where the civilians had always hidden during battles, and also that he was here now. He felt out of place, like he had no right to shelter here. The only reason he was here now, hidden from the attack, instead of out there, fighting, was because had run away, after all. Maybe he would return, because he never could just decisively go through with one thing, but for now he had run away, and that was the only reason he was allowed to hide here.
He felt miserable about that thought.
He also didn't know where he was, actually. It seemed to be just a maze of corridors down here. Shouldn't there be waiting rooms, areas where people actually took shelter in instead of just walking towards them? Presumably if he followed a corridor far enough he would arrive at one, but for now he was walking through a dirty, mostly dark... well, "tunnel" felt appropriate enough.
His thoughts began circling around the fight outside. Rei was there. Rei had to fight. And she was alone with Mari. Would that be enough? Would Rei make it? And the more his thoughts began moving into that direction, the more he was thinking about the fight itself. He had no idea what the angel would be like, but he had seen previous angels. He knew what could come. A large looming figure over him, fear of death, being boiled alive, being whipped, having to endure that just in order to survive the battle...
Clang!
Shinji stopped. Whatever the sound was, it flooded his system with adrenaline. His heart rate spiked as his breathing got hard. For a moment he was back, back in those fights. He was experiencing it all over again - fighting Shamshel even though he had no idea why, just him charging at the angel as he was incessantly whipped, since his very life depended on it. Being caught in his entry-plug, with no recourse as he was boiled alive, and even his synchronization couldn't be cut. No way out, just pain. Pain, and fear of death. Death death death.
Only slowly did his breathing return to normal. His hands formed a fist. I can't... I can't return to that... I am sorry, Rei, I am sorry... His head only half-cleared, he stumbled on.
Slowly, gradually, he calmed down. For a moment, fear rose in him again as he thought that he was completely lost now, but then he saw illumination straight ahead. He followed the light, slowly, carefully... and finally entered a refugee area. About two dozen people in a large, well lit room. Some looked, but everyone quickly lost interest in the newcomer.
He breathed out. I've made it. But now what? He was about to sit down on one of the mats, when he heard a call: "Hey, Shinji! Here!"
He straightened up and looked where the call had come from. A redhaired girl waved from the other side of the room - Asuka! Quickly, he went over... and saw, to his surprise, Kensuke sitting right next to where Asuka was standing. He suppressed making a face. He had never quite straightened out things with his... friend? Former friend?
"You didn't quite make it out of the city yet, either, huh?" Asuka commented with a lopsided grin.
Shinji just shook his head and looked down. He might even stay in Tokyo-3, but that was nothing he could tell Asuka. Not after the girl had decided to leave as well. She had even said that it had been Shinji's action which had shown her in the first place that leaving was possible. And now...
"Well, sit," Kensuke said in a friendly tone. Or a conciliatory tone, at least.
And so Shinji did, if in a rather awkward manner. He remained silent. A moment later, Asuka came sitting down as well. Shinji noticed that she took Kensuke's hand. The boy became all red-faced, but he didn't protest. Shinji could kinda understand: Public displays of affections were rare, and often socially frowned upon in Japan.
Yet, if Rei were to do this...
"Why the long face," Asuka asked after several minutes of yet more awkward silence. "You'd think... well. That we're here proves that we've finally managed to get away from NERV. From EVA." There was a certain pride about that in Asuka's voice, but her snotty tone betrayed it as it as a brittle, fragile pride.
"Yeah," Shinji just said. Then, after a pause. "It's just... I'm worried. I mean... I mean..."
"Ayanami," Asuka just said.
"Yeah," Shinji said again.
Asuka... fidgeted. "She... she'll be fine." Though what she said sounded uncertain and far from reassuring. "She has more experience than you, doesn't she? And she isn't the type to get headfirst into danger. That's, uh, that's more Mari's style."
Well, at least she tried. He gave the European girl a melancholic smile. "Yeah. Thanks."
"I guess..." Both Shinji and Asuka now looked at Kensuke when he spoke up, which made him shrink back a bit. "Well, it's just... I guess it's harder for you. What with... uh... I mean, due to Ayanami still being a pilot and everything."
Shinji just shook her head. What was there to say. But as silence began to drag on again, so did the pressure inside him. So finally, he whispered. "I owe her everything. Without her... if she hadn't taken over for me..." He shook his head again. "I would have collapsed. And yet... even though she is burdened by that... she is always so serene and strong."
Asuka and Kensuke looked at each other, surprised by this quiet outburst. Then Kensuke pet Asuka's hand and turned to Shinji again. "Well, it seems that's one pilot that will have all support she needs once she comes back."
Asuka harrumphed, but it sounded surprisingly well-meaning. "And besides... have you ever seen Rei without you?" Pause. "Well, okay, you logically couldn't. She's all about you. I don't know what exactly you did for her, but I'm quite sure your feelings are mutual."
Blushing slightly as he remembered last night, Shinji whispered, "I know." Another pause. "But I don't understand why, either." All the more reason for me to repay her. To pilot for her. And yet... He just didn't know if he could.
And what was it she said in the end? I should make my own decision? Shinji didn't know what that meant, and worse, he could tell none of this to Asuka, and hence not to Kensuke, either.
Asuka scoffed again. "Well, I guess she isn't quite the obedient NERV drone she used to be. Might have been you." Kensuke grinned at the girl's apparent inability to say that with a straight formulation.
"I guess that is for the better," Shinji muttered.
"Are you stupid?" Asuka sat up straight now. "Of course it is! Do you want her to be just commanded by NERV and used as a tool?" Shinji just stared at her. "Idiot! I don't think she would want that for you, either."
Once again, silence settled on the three after Asuka's outburst.
Shinji was about to say something when some unrest began among the refugees in the room. Shinji turned around to see what the commotion was about - and froze when he saw four bulky men in immaculately black business suit approaching. Section 2.
The lead guy looked down at Asuka, then Shinji, then Kensuke, and then said, "Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langley-Shikinami. We are here to bring you to NERV headquarters."
"WHAT?" Immediately, Asuka had jumped up. "Leave us be. We're civilians. We're no longer part of your military hierarchy, thug." For some reason, she spent only half her attention on the leading agent. Her eyes also always wandered to another agent, who stayed more in the background.
The leader of the Section 2 group remained entirely calm. "We are aware. However, by the special authority of NERV over Tokyo-3, we are in fact legitimized to ensure your presence at headquarters."
The guy whom Asuka had eyed added, "Use of physical force is authorized." He sounded very self-satisfied about that.
Slowly, Shinji got to his feet again. His hands were fists again, and he was looking down, but he was addressing the leading agent. "Let's go then. Let's see what my father has to tell us."
NERV Headquarters. Again.
The last Asuka had seen of the place had been its holding cells. She had expected to not see any more the building at all.
But she was given no choice. Here she was again, and again escorted like a common criminal. It seemed that was the only sort of gratitude NERV knew. I have saved the entire world thrice over... It was a thought Asuka clung too, surrounded as she was by Section 2 thugs, but it was also a thought that further embittered her.
The grunt that she had swept away in front of Kensuke's tent was now behind her right shoulder, and he took an apparent great delight in pushing her on every time she only ever so slightly slowed down. Anger was building up inside Asuka, nourished every time she was made to stumble forward yet again.
This time, they stuck to the public (or well, semi-public) areas of the headquarters. The glitzy, light-filled ones with plenty of vegetation and sleek, modern design. What a lie... The place tried to present itself as pleasant and nice, when NERV was nothing of the sort. Modern, shining rooms as if the building didn't also have dark cells. And worse.
And finally, they reached the command centre. Asuka didn't think she had been here before. The briefings had always been in the EVA cages or in some waiting rooms. Of course. This is for those who control the tools. Not for the tools. Maybe Asuka's thoughts were starting to get unfair, but being back here, she just felt incredibly embittered.
Someone of the bridge personnel tipped an officer on her shoulder to inform her of Asuka's and Shinji's arrival. The officer turned around, and watched their approach with her left hand holding her right elbow.
Of course. Misato. Asuka made a face.
"Thank you, Sergeant," Misato told the leading agent. "You may leave now."
"Are you..." the agent tried to argue.
"I am taking over from here," Misato said, voice still professional but with a cutting tone behind it.
The agent nodded and left with his goons. Silence ensued. Shinji was in his usual pose... hands balled into fists and looking rigidly down. And Asuka would not give Misato the satisfaction to ask, either.
So finally, Misato breathed out and said. "Thirty-five minutes ago by now, Units 01 and 02 were deployed to fight the approaching angel at the east end of Gotemba. Unfortunately, as both units entered melee, the angel managed to send a powerful electric shock through both of them. The Evangelions were mostly unharmed and could be recovered once the angel had passed. However, the pilots were gravely injured."
This made Shinji look up abruptly, fear on his face. "They live and will fully recover," Misato explained. "They have significant electric burns, but Ritsuko told me a specialized LCL therapy will have those all cured. But they are unable to pilot in their current state, and are currently kept sedated."
...oh. So that was why Asuka and Shinji had been brought to here. Again, silence fell.
"After recovery of the Evangelions, the JSSDF dropped a dozen N2 mines on the eastern end of Gotemba, partially destroying the caldera's mountain range at that point. The angel is currently inert, but regenerating fast. We estimate it will re-activate, fully healed, within 24 to 30 hours. That is not nearly enough time for Mari or Rei to heal." A pause. "You two will have to pilot again."
Again, Shinji was looking down. This time, he balled his fists so hard that his arms were shaking. It seemed he had resigned himself to his fate.
...well. He had taken the lead once. Now it was Asuka's turn. "No," she simply said.
Surprised, Shinji looked up to her, while Misato had her eyes fixed on her. "What do you mean, no?" the Colonel asked.
"We have quit," Asuka reminded her. "Does this mean nothing to you?"
"Asuka, this is..." Misato tried.
"An order? We aren't part of NERV anymore," she scoffed.
"Rei and Mari are incapacitated," Misato argued. "And we have nobody else who can pilot."
"Maybe you should have thought of that earlier," Asuka shot back. "Instead, you just don't take what we decided serious." Her voice began positively dripping with sarcasm. "Surely, once your plans require it, Asuka and Shinji will get into the entry-plus again."
Misato seemed dumbfounded. She looked at Asuka with big eyes full of confusion. "Well... I mean... it's necessary."
"And so you think you can just tell us to pilot again, and just take it for granted we will," Asuka accused her. "That's not how this works, Misato."
"Well, I didn't think that you... would you..." Misato stuttered now. "...would you really abandon us to our fate?"
Asuka was working her mouth. That was what it came down to, wasn't it? And yet... after all they had done to her...
Surprisingly, it was Shinji who spoke up now. Very quietly, head still cast down, but he did speak up. "Like you did with us after every battle?"
That shut up Misato. A man came up from behind - Kaji. Before Asuka could wonder what he was doing here, he laid a hand on Misato's shoulder, and said, "Well, clearly we got off on the wrong foot. Uh..."
"No," Asuka interrupted him. She knew what would come now. Just more manipulative bullshit. And... They have to realize it. We have to make them see. When Kaji looked at her oddly, she began to rant. "This is just the same old shit again. You think if you just say the right things, we will of course pilot. Because it is just understood that we do."
"What is the alternative?" Kaji asked in a simple manner.
"We could pilot," Asuka answered. "Or not. But if we save your sorry asses or not, that is our decision. We might also just not. And what would you do then? Without us? You always were nothing without us."
She crossed her arms, and a mighty surge of, well... power flew through her. For maybe the first time in her life, a true feeling of power. Of worth.
"Asuka, I..." Shini began, looking at her.
She grabbed his shoulder, ultimately harder than she had intended to. "Am I wrong?"
"...No," Shinji admitted, looking down again.
"So. Are we finished here?" Asuka asked
"I would have thought you more mature," Misato said.
That made Asuka drop all remaining limitations on the spot. The sheer gall of the colonel. "That's rich coming from you, Ms Daddy Issues."
The view Misato gave her now was beyond just dark. It was subtly threatening. But Asuka had been pushed so deep into dangerously not caring that she didn't even regard it. She just stared right back. Everyone else on the bridge seemed to do their best to awkwardly look away.
Misato's voice was ice cold as spoke, just barely remaining professional. "We can't make you pilot. But our special authority over Tokyo-3 still gives us the right to keep you here. I'm assigning two quarters to you for the night. There is a waiting room near them. You are to stay there for now.
Shinji felt... he didn't know how he felt. On the one hand, it felt good. He had refused them. All those expectations, all the burdens they would put on him... he had managed to say no to it. Well, Asuka had, but he had in fact gone along with it. It was an incredibly freeing feeling, a feeling of power and strength.
...but on the other hand, feeling that only made his guilt and self-hatred worse. To say he had inconvencied others would be a major understatement. He was making them afraid. His refusal was a direct threat to them. And yet, he felt satisfaction about that? That was pathetic.
So he could only sit there, on a couch next to a small, nondescript table, and keep his face behind his hands. He wanted to shut it all out, the whole world. Where it was terrible if he would pilot again, but also terrible if he didn't. And yet...
They can't make me a tool again. Asuka was right. He wouldn't want that for Rei. He would want her to be free. So it stood to reason that was also what she would want for him. She had even told him so herself. "You at least can be free."
...but was it really fair to assert himself based on the fears of others? Was he worth that?
Asuka had tried to make some encouraging small talk, but after he had showed no reaction, after he had just withdrawn into himself, she was now sitting on a different couch at the table, and again playing with her Wonderswan.
Shinji heard the door of the waiting room opening, but he didn't look up. That was just all the more reason to close out the world.
Someone sat down next to him. "Not exactly the cheeriest mood here, hm?" Shinji recognized Kaji by his voice. He let his arms fall down - not quite looking at Kaji yet, but at least not closing him out anymore. "Not that I couldn't understand. Hell of a situation you're in."
In a similar fashion to Shinji, Asuka had just continued to diddle on her Wonderswan. Now she paused and looked up. "And you're gonna get us out of that?" The sarcasm in her voice was unmistakable.
Kaji leaned forwards, his upper body almost above the table."Well, ultimately it's up to you, of course. But... the consequences of what you decide, that will not just affect you. And not just Katsuragi, either. I understand you wanted to hurt her as she did you... well, you managed to do that, Asuka." It was clear Kaji had trouble keeping an even voice, but he did. "You can call it even. But this goes beyond even her."
Shinji almost winced. He was just all too clear on that point. Asuka just looked at Kaji darkly, but didn't comment.
Kaji turned his head around to Shinji, even while he remained bent forwards. He rested his elbows on his knees, and steepled his hands. "What about you, Shinji? Didn't you say you would pilot for Rei if she couldn't do it anymore?"
"I did," Shinji muttered. He sounded defeated. He felt intense pressure. He wasn't sure what he could say to that. He was put on the spot... it wasn't that Kaji was wrong. But there was so much more to it, things he just couldn't say right now.
"Now would be the time..." Kaji began, but Shinji interrupted him with an outburst. "And I promised that to Rei. That I would pilot again."
Asuka had returned to her Wonderswan, but now she nearly let it fall to the floor. Her body jerked up on the couch. "What? What do you mean?"
Even more pressure. But now Shinji had to talk. "Rei... she told me she wouldn't be able to go on. If I were to leave. I... I am not sure why, but that is what she said. And I... I did tell you that, Mr Kaji. That I would pilot for her then. And I will."
For a moment, the room was quiet. Then Asuka scoffed. "Emotional blackmail. Figures."
Before Kaji could talk again, Shinji spoke up again. "But I haven't returned yet. I am not a NERV Evangelion pilot again yet. I have left... and yet Misato, she just... just... like I never even made that decision..."
Kaji sighed and leaned back, sprawling his arms out over the couch's backrest. "Yeah. We're back to that again, huh? Damnit... but Shinji, it doesn't matter if you plan to pilot again tomorrow or the day afterwards. If you don't do it now..." He shrugged. "It won't matter what you have planned." He looked over to Asuka. "And the same is true of you. What about Kensuke? What about his father?"
Shinji was surprised to see that Asuka's hands were slightly trembling as she laid the Wonderswan down on the table. After she had done that, she looked Kaji directly into the eyes. "What about you? What about Misato? Don't tell me you care about Kensuke. You all just want to send me out to suffer again, just so your own hide gets saved once again. And the next day, nobody will even so much as mention it again. My whole life! It's been that my whole life. It gotta stop." Kaji made a face, but didn't answer. Asuka's voice was reduced to a whisper, but it was steady. "Kensuke wouldn't want such a life for me, either."
Kaji sighed, plainly just ignoring Asuka's outburst. "Perhaps, but if we can't stop the angel, that won't make much of a difference in the end."
"The JSSDF and the UN have more than just a dozen N2 bombs," Asuka pointed out.
Kaji shrugged. "Even if we destroy the entire mountain range, that would only give us some weeks. N2 bombs can't penetrate an angel's core." And more softly. "And you know that."
Shinji felt miserable hearing that, which was why he was just too happy to let Asuka do the talking. For all of the guilt he felt, he really didn't want to go out there once again and fight. More, he didn't want to be Misato's tool again. After what she had told him... he was done with that. With her.
"So do you," Asuka answered to Kaji. When her former guardian just blinked, she continued, "So you are saying we are needed?"
"Well... yeah," Kaji replied.
"Then why is nobody acting like it?" Asuka demanded to know.
"Is that what you build your refusal on? Compared to the end of the world that seems petty," Kaji accused her.
Asuka scoffed. "You people are refusing right now to give us recognition even when the world is about to end. How petty is that?"
Kaji worked his mouth, but remained quiet. Finally, he asked, "So what do you want, Asuka?" By now he seemed to ignore Shinji completely, which suited the boy just fine.
"There is a debt to be repaid," Asuka said icily.
"I see," Kaji said, stood up again, and left.
For several minutes, there was silence. Both teenagers just sat on their respective couches, staring into nothingness. Asuka didn't even pick up her Wonderswan again.
Finally, Shinji said, "He's... he's not wrong, you know."
"Yeah. I know," Asuka answered. And after yet more silence, "But I'm sick of it. Misato just expected us to crawl into those plugs again, and nobody would have so much as mentioned the battle tomorrow. They all just expect us to suffer for them as if that isn't even worth mentioning."
Somewhat sullenly, Shinji stated, "But it's true that only we can pilot."
Asuka just scoffed aggressively at that, causing Shinji to fall silent. Only after some more moments did Asuka manage to add: "If we're that special... if only we can save Earth... then they should treat us like it."
That did seem logical to Shinji. "We... fought. We suffered."
"And we saved Earth. Repeatedly," Asuka added aggressively. "But it seems... if... if we want respect, we will have to demand it." She paused and then looked at Shinji oddly. "And what is with you? Rei said the only way you could stay is if you become a regular pilot again. You really told her you would do that?" It sounded hurt.
Shinji could not let it stand like that. He had to make Asuka see. "Asuka, I... I dread the prospect. Of returning. Of... of having to fight again. Just now, in the shelter corridors, I..." He shook his head. He had no idea how to relay what he had felt there to Asuka. "I don't even know if I could pilot anymore. But... Asuka... Rei!. She has done so much for me... I can't let her collapse."
Asuka was silent for a moment. Then she scoffed and muttered, "I guess I can understand that." And she picked up the Wonderswan and continued to play.
They sat there for another half an hour. Already after some minutes it became torturous for Shinji. So far, he had just done his best to deal with all the stress and shouting around him, but now that he had quiet, he wanted... well. He realized what he desperately wanted was to see Rei. Even if she was sedated. Someone... someone should look after her. Look out for her.
But NERV did have that power over Tokyo-3. Misato could legally detain them here. There wasn't much he could do about it.
Finally, the door opened again. Much more carefully and even hesitantly, this time. Ritsuko stepped in when the door wasn't even fully open, just sort of sliding through the opening. Her facial expression was hard to read.
Of course it was Asuka who went onto the offensive first. "So now they send you. And how will you try to convince us?"
A small, lopsided grin appeared on the scientist's face. "Yeah, I didn't think myself the best candidate either. Misato had to promise me that I could talk frankly. So I will."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Asuka inquired aggressively.
There was a soft shrug from Ritsuko. "Misato wants me to convince you to pilot. But as far as I'm concerned, we already asked way too much of you. So that's not what I ca..."
"Oh, I see," Asuka interrupted her. "The good cop routine."
That made Ritsuko flinch. She looked down, and for a moment it looked like she would falter and she raised her head again and looked at Shinji. "Shinji... after the first Ramiel sortie. You woke up in that hospital, and you didn't know if you wanted to continue piloting. Misato convinced you to do it one more time. I think she also told you what I did."
Shinji had been surprised by the address. Put on the spot again, despite Ritsuko's much softer topic. But after a moment, he did realize what Ritsuko was talking about. "You... you rewrote Unit 01's routines. So that Rei could pilot again. You cleared the way for me to just leave."
"Rei never got your synchrates," Ritsuko continued. "But even so... the freedom should always have been yours. I just could never tell you."
Asuka groaned. "Oh you can't be ser..." However, Shinji interrupted her, gently but determined. "She... she is right, actually, Asuka. That... that is what she did."
"It's more difficult now," Ritsuko explained. "This time, we don't have any more pilots on reserve. But..." She gave a slightly snide smile to Asuka. "That is what I came to tell. There is a possible alternative. A system. I am not at liberty to say more, but... the problem is it's thoroughly untested. Unrefined, even. If we had to use it, it would be a Hail Mary option. We would lose. But we have it."
Asuka was still suspicious. "And thus we can go...?"
"Yes," Ritsuko answered. "Despite all the drawbacks... you are free to go. Defence of Tokyo-3 is our responsibility."
That hit a nerve for Shinji, but probably not in the way Ritsuko would have imagined. He muttered, "If I don't like Evangelion, I can just go." Just like with Misato... "Is that it?"
"Damnit, Misato," Ritsuko cursed softly under her breath, before catching herself again. "I... I realize nobody in their right mind would like piloting. I couldn't tell you that back then. Colonel Katsuragi is my superior officer, and I couldn't undermine her. Military discipline. But I told her, in private. Of course piloting would just be pain to you." Shinji hands balled into fists upon hearing that. "You two are free to go. That is what I came to tell you. But..." She seemed uncertain.
"But...?" Asuka pressed the point.
Ritsuko breathed out. "Mr Ikari, Ms Shikinami... I know there is a large debt already. We all just cynically used you. After how we treated you, I can understand if you refuse. But I can only ask you to pilot. For our sake. Without you, we would already be long dead. We can only ask you to do it again." Her language had been just about the highest ladder of Japanese formal speech. And as she had finished, she bowed deeply and stiffly in their direction.
Shinji was left utterly confused. Unable to say anything. Embarrassed, even, by that treatment. But Asuka, on the other hand... she scoffed. "It's something, at least." But her facial expression was unmistakable. She was enjoying the attention. No. Not the attention, Shinji realized, the recognition. After all this time.
Ritsuko stayed bowed. "And... even if you refuse, I would like you to accompany me."
Now, Asuka was suspicious again. "To where?"
Slowly, Ritsuko got up again. "The command deck."
Asuka exploded. "You gotta be ki - " But Ritsuko managed to interrupt her relatively gently. "What is Misato gonna do that she can't already do? Push you into those entry plugs herself? You're not in more danger just for returning there. But... there is something you need to see, at least, before deciding."
That made Shinji wince. Just like Misato. Before my second sortie against that 'Ramiel' angel. Showing something. Manipulating him into piloting again. Was that worth it? Asuka enjoyed the recognition, but he... what did he want? Ideally just to not be here. But now that he was...
"We'll take a look," he said, darkly. Maybe he would know better then.
There was a surge of emotions inside Asuka. That in itself was nothing new; the entire last few days had been filled with rage, bitterness, resentment, viciousness, longing. 'Emotionally tumultuous' didn't even come close to describing it. But what had changed now was new emotions had entered the mix.
It was just the simple, spoken recognition of one person, but Asuka couldn't help but keep thinking about it. That was how she wanted to be treated. That was what she deserved. However, at the same time, that thought caused new bitterness. It was also what should have happened for years already. And even now it only happened not because of the goodness of people's hearts, but because she and Shinji were needed. It was pathetic,and Asuka feared that they were just being manipulated once more.
...and yet, the promise of more recognition drove her forwards, towards the command deck. That's also pathetic. But also, undeniable.
As they came to the entrance area leading to the command deck, there was a certain knot in Asuka's stomach. What would Ritsuko 'show' her and Shinji? Would she pilot again? And, something she almost didn't want to hope, what about further recognition? Pathetic.
As soon as they entered the command deck again, some people turned around to them. Then more. And finally almost everyone around. It was an eerie sensation.
Finally, they reached Misato. The Colonel looked at them and asked gravely, "Have you made your decision?"
Of course. The only thing that ever mattered to her. "We already had, remember?" Asuka spat back venomously.
Misato looked at Ritsuko, and it was not difficult to read this as a 'why are you here then' look. The scientist looked back evenly. "Be reasonable, Misato. This whole 'Do you want to pilot or not' is already how you framed it with Shinji. If he doesn't like it, he can just leave, right?" A slight melancholic smile. "So he did. A very rational move."
"Your point?" Misato shot back.
"You need to realize they are doing this for you. For us," Ritsuko told her. "And act accordingly."
Misato made a face, then turned her head away, unable to meet anyone's gaze. Once again, Asuka scoffed. "I see we are wasting our time." She laid a hand on Shinji's shoulder, and turned both him and herself to go.
"Asuka! Wait." That was Misato. Asuka stopped and turned her head to look back at the Colonel. "We... I... we can't do our work without you. And you... aren't even NERV anymore." She seemed to struggle with words. "It all rests on you two. Please. Asuka, Shinji. Please, pilot for us."
Now Asuka turned around, and crossed her arms. "Why?" And a bit belated: "And it's Shikinami to you." Not that she would have ever thought of that on her own, but she had liked the address from Ritsuko.
Misato looked slightly desperate. "Because..." She let her head hang low. "Because I can't actually protect Tokyo-3 without you. Because you are needed to save all of our lives. Just as you have always been." She struggled with getting the words out.
"And yet... yet you..." Asuka began.
"I apologize," Misato answered, almost a whisper now. "I don't know how I can make it right again, but I apologize."
Asuka walked up to her... and spat out in front of her. Even Shinji was shocked now. "Don't tell me you had a change of heart. You still don't give a crap how I have been treated for years. You still don't care how you have ignored us all the time. You simply need us."
Misato's head went even lower. "I do need you."
Asuka pushed the point, venom in her voice. "For all your vaunted status, in truth everyone could have done your job. Hell, most the time you just told us to go stand on the surface while you cowered in the Geofront. It doesn't take a military genius for that. You are replaceable. We are not. We actually fought." When Asuka stopped in order to hear an answer, Misato merely nodded. "And after all that's been done to us, we could still refuse you." Ritsuko and, having come to stand behind Misato now, Kaji looked at her intensely, but she didn't care. This was... it was vindication.
"Yes," Misato merely whispered. "I... I can merely ask you."
"Asuka..." Kaji said. It was clear he tried to sound conciliatory, but his voice was a bit strained. Then he coughed slightly. "Or... Ms Shikinami. It's not just Katsuragi. We all need you. We all can only ask you, and, ah, Mr Ikari, to pilot for us. To fight for us."
And with that, all the techs from around the bridge, who were already looking at the scene, already facing that way, bowed. So did Kaji. And so did even Misato.
Asuka felt... overwhelmed. Giddy. Finally. Finally. But she would not let those people have the satisfaction of seeing that. So instead she just scoffed, "Now you bow. Only when there is no other way. Hypocrites..."
"It is your decision, Ms Shikinami, Mr Ikari," Ritsuko said after people got up again. And after Asuka looked at darkly, she corrected, "But we beseech you, to fight on our behalf."
A slight grin appeared on Asuka's face. "How long do we have until projected reactivation of the angel?"
That took Ritsuko aback. "Uh... we have narrowed the window down to 22 to 26 hours. Why?"
Asuka's grin broadened. "Well, we have been assigned rooms here. I guess we can mull our decision until tomorrow."
Misato's face got hard, but Ritsuko just nodded. However, before she could answer, Shinji spoke up. It was faint, but his voice was unwavering. "No. I want... I need to..." He looked up and spoker louder. "I will speak with my father."
"What?" Asuka exclaimed. He is ruining everything!
"This is what I want," Shinji simply stated. It sounded petulant to Asuka, but... fine. I got this, he gets his reckoning with his father. Whatever! Though after a pause, Shinji added: "And I think you want to stay in Tokyo-3, too. Only the Commander can arrange that."
Oh. That was true. Feeling a little bit embarrassed but doing her best not to show it, she nodded. "Take us to the Commander," she told Misato.
Shinji was happy for Asuka. The girl was finally getting what she had craved for all those years, the only reason she had held on to piloting Evangelion in the first place. And after she had made everyone see that she could not be taken to granted, she was finally getting respect and recognition.
Shinji was getting the same, but he just didn't care. All that bowing and scraping... what did he get out of it? It didn't even bother him that it was insincere. Insincere friendliness was always better than genuine hostility. But the formal language, the addresses, the bowing... it left him cold. It was not what he wanted. He had never wanted to be revered by people, but... well, truthfully, ideally, to not even be regarded by people.
There was only one person whose lack of recognition had plagued him all the years. Only one person he really desired would see him. One person he knew would never regard him. Shinji had come to Tokyo-3 in that hope. He had stayed and fought and suffered in that hope. He had saved the world over and over, just so that his father would pay attention to him.
He was done with that. Or so he was telling himself.
Still, it was difficult to see the adoration for Asuka (and him, in theory) and not think of that possibility. Now, that everything depended on him and Asuka piloting, his father had to pay attention to him, didn't he? The world literally depended on him now. What choice did the Commander have then?
The only other thing of value to Shinji was staying with Rei. And he had begun to realize he needed to speak with his father anyway in order to achieve that. Asuka was maybe fine with just getting respect. That wasn't even a negative thought; the girl had been his comrade in suffering and, well, foster sister of a sort. He wished everything good for her. But he - well, it appeared he needed something more substantial.
And thus it came that Colonel Katsuragi was accompanying the two former pilots up the decks of the command centre, up to the very highest one, the one occupied only by Commander Ikari and Vice Commander Fuyutsuki.
Misato stepped forwards and saluted, then made way for Asuka and Shinji to come closer. Gendo Ikari sat on on a desk chair, now facing away said desk and towards the two teenagers. He sat rigidly upright, and his face was set in stone. Next to him stood the Vice Commander, appearing much less intimidating but still very official and professional.
Now that he was facing his father, Shinji didn't know what to actually say. Whenever he was in front of him, he felt like the powerless four year old again. Damn it. The only thing that came out after a while was, "Father."
"Shinji," the Commander answered, his voice expressionless and low.
Shinji forced himself to look his father in the face. He balled his hands into fists and managed to push out, "You need me now."
This was met by utter silence, just the Commander staring back at his son, and the Vice Commander standing next to him. Asuka looked back and forth and didn't dare to intervene, while Shinji... What could I even say now? Begging for attention would just be pathetic, after all.
It was Misato who spoke up now. "Former pilots Ikari and Shikinami are considering fighting the angel. Our operations are entirely dependent on their decision."
"I see," Gendo merely commented.
More awkward, oppressive silence reigned over the command deck. Finally, finally, Shinji couldn't take it anymore and yelled, "Are you satisfied now? Now you can't just push me aside!"
He was breathing heavily and looked away. Embarrassment spread in him. He had not meant to show this side to his father - to show how much he was still affecting him.
"We appreciate the willingness of the former pilots to..." Fuyutsuki began in a careful, measured but overall friendly voice, but Asuka wouldn't have it: "Oh like hell you do."
"So, what do you want, Shinji?" Gendo asked. Cold. Business-like. Without any hint of appreciation.
Shinji looked down, breathed out and looked up again. "You'll never get it. Fine. I will pilot yet one more time... but you will need to repay me."
"NERV does not have infinite financial m..." Gendo began, but Shinji cut him off: "No. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about Rei."
Shinji couldn't help but to be satisifed as he saw his father's head jerk up a little, as if surprised. Fuyutsuki, meanwhile, remained icily still. "The First Child," Gendo stated.
"Rei," Shinji repeated. "You didn't care for her at all, did you? Her condition. That hole she lives in. What use is saving the world when I can't even help one person? This will change, or I won't be your pilot."
"I see," Gendo merely said, now back in his old routine.
"She needs a proper apartment! In a good part of town! With enough means to support herself!" Shinji exclaimed. A small pause. "So does Asuka. So do I. And we'll stay in Tokyo-3 even without being pilots."
"But you want to have apartments," Fuyutsuki pointed out evenly, but with implicit mockery.
"We have saved the world six times over, didn't we?" Asuka intervened now. "We'd deserve much more than that. Especially if you want us to pilot again now."
There was a pause. Then Gendo just said, "No. Your demands are unacceptable."
"Sir!" Misato spoke up. "Operations requires them to fulfill its tasks." Even Fuyutsuki now side-eyed Gendo, though he kept his head facing straight forward.
"Noted," Gendo replied. "But Operations is also protecting them. We need the pilots to protect our own lives. But the pilots need our Evangelions to protect their lives."
Shinji's arms trembled. It has happened yet again. He just couldn't do anything against, or about, his father. His father always came out ahead.
That was when Asuka scoffed again. "Well. I guess then we all die. Fitting end to the sort of life you all left me to have."
Misato's head jerked around to look at her, but then the Colonel forced herself to face ahead again, towards Gendo. "The former pilots' demands are well within NERV's means. It would be inadvisable to risk the destruction of the world over such small matters."
"It is a matter of discipline, Colonel," Fuyutsuki rebuked her sharply.
"Yes, sir," Misato was forced to acknowledge.
Gendo's elbows now rested on his upper legs, and his hands were steepled. His spectacled eyes seemed to float right above those hands. "Maybe there is a compromise. You are in a position to make demands. But not every demand."
"I will get Rei out of there, or there is nothing worth protecting," Shinji insisted. His voice sounded sullen, petulant, even to himself, but he would not waver on this.
"Then you need to compromise on other matters," Gendo, voice deep and even as always, but with a hint of a threat now.
Shinji just looked at him confused. Even Asuka didn't seem to know what to say. Finally, it was Misato who spoke up: "Sir, what do you have in mind?"
The light reflected off Gendo's glasses, making it impossible to see his eyes. "We can accept a relocation of Rei, Shinji and Asuka. Shinji can stay even without being an active pilot. But there has to be a return. We are protecting their lives as well, after all. We will reestablish the position of reserve pilot. You can stay in that function, Shinji. That is my only offer."
Reserve pilot... It was maybe just metaphorical, but he almost physically felt being sucked in by NERV again. But... if that was the price to pay... he had been willing to fight and suffer again, if it were for Rei's sake. Surely, being a reserve pilot wouldn't be nearly as bad.
Except - a thought suddenly hit Shinji - except for one problem.
"But... if I rejoin... as reserve pilot... then there will be two active pilots but three units," he managed to point out. The implication was clear: As such, the "reserve" pilot would always be active.
"That is correct," Gendo merely said.
Shinji looked away again and breathed heavily. Outplayed again...
"Not if I become an active pilot again."
...Shinji's head whirled around. Asuka stood there, arms crossed, head held high, a defiant expression on her face, but it seemed to cost her willpower to maintain it. "...Asuka..."
"That should buy me some returns, no?" she argued. When there was no reaction from the opposite side, Asuka went on. "We will fight. I will be the pilot of Unit 02 again. But it won't be like before again. No more secrets. I will not have it ignored again what I am doing as a pilot. And no more incompetent personnel around me."
Gendo showed no reaction, but just stared right ahead, at seemingly nothing in specific as those creepy glasses hid his eyes. Finally, Fuyutsuki asked. "What do you have in mind?"
"I will take over tactical leadership of this mission," Asuka told him. "So far, every single battle was won by field decisions by pilots anyway." She began breathing more heavily. "In fact, if you want us two back in the pilot corps... then Misato and Kaji have to leave."
Shinji heard a heavy footstep behind them. "Asuka... No..." Barely a whisper from Misato.
Asuka was unperturbed. "And I need to make a phone call. All our agreements here won't matter if you can just break them without anyone even noticing."
The uppermost deck of the command centre was now empty. Shortly after the discussion, the Commander and Vice Commander had left. In truth, it didn't matter anyway. Arguably, they could follow the battle even better from their office. Their presence on the bridge had always been more of a symbol of authority - just as their absence now was a symbol as well.
But more importantly, being in the office allowed them to keep a close overwatch over everything that was taking place in the Geofront - something Gendo now considered an urgent necessity. Holographic screens floated in front of his desk. Two were following an unassuming, slightly elderly man in a business suit. Two others were watching Asuka, who currently was hugging a pretty overwhelmed Kensuke.
"This is dangerous, Ikari," Fuyutsuki tried once more. "He is press. We have agents in Asahi Shimbun, but our control is marginal at best."
Gendo grunted. "That is why we are watching them. And he is an accountant for the company, not even a true journalist."
"I know we need the Second Child in that Evangelion, but your concessions..." Fuyutsuki began.
"Will help us in the long run," Gendo said.
"If she has her story published in Asahi Shimbun, then this will bind our hands," Fuyutsuki continued his argument. "A clever way to ensure that we will honour the agreement, but that's exactly why we shouldn't have conceded this."
"It will make no difference," Gendo said. "Let her have the publicity, and her celebration, and her awards." All stuff Asuka had brought up. They made no difference to Gendo, so he had conceded on them. If they won, Asuka would have her own little parade. "Maybe we should have used those things earlier to keep her in control."
"There is a reason we didn't," Fuyutsuki reminded him. "This will draw all sort of unwanted attention to us."
"No," Gendo disagreed. "Not to us. She agreed to our terms, and we are watching that those are kept. She can't talk about anything that happened in the GeoFront, or about any other officer than Colonel Katsuragi and Mr Kaji." Something that had been easy to justify with the confidential nature of NERV and the Geofront.
"Bad enough," Fuyutsuki muttered.
"That means she will talk about her time in Europe," Gendo explained, "and about Colonel Katsuragi. A whole lot about Colonel Katsuragi, I imagine."
Now Fuyutsuki seemingly began to understand. "...the officer we just suspended."
"Hm," Gendo grunted agreement. "We can make it look like we promptly responded to her allegations, while it was NERV Europe at fault for her situation. If there is a media storm, it won't hit us. If we're lucky, it will even keep Europe distracted for a while."
Fuyutsuki breathed out. "But the goat chosen by lot as the scapegoat shall be presented alive before the Lord, to grant atonement by sending it into the wilderness" he recited.
Again, Gendo grunted agreement. "It's a good spin, but any reminder of our less savory activities will have more eyes on us as well."
"Yes," Gendo conceded. "But they won't have the time to find anything. We are close to the end of the scenario." Now, for once, Gendo turned his head around to look at Fuyutsuki. "We let the pilots make great demands, but this allowed us to demand the most important thing in return: Shinji will stay in Tokyo-3. Our plan to push him to be an active pilot again nearly doomed the Scenario, but we could salvage it. Now, with him being the reserve pilot again, we have leverage to have him be in Unit 01 when the time is right."
Fuyutsuki gave a measured nod. "That is the most important issue. But what about Rei?"
Gendo looked straight ahead again. "Her conditioning will not survive her new environment." It had been hard for Gendo to come to that conclusion...even Rei was leaving him now. Even she who was made in her image. But it didn't matter. Only one thing did. "But this matter as well is made irrelevant by the proximity to the scenario's conclusion." A pause. "And if need be, we can still capture her soul."
Fuyutsuki sighed. Gendo knew his periodical sentimentality and hence didn't comment. "Well, by now we can only hope that your plan works, Ikari. And that the Second Child knows what she is doing... trying to lead the battle from the front."
A half-smile made its way to Gendo's face, almost unbidden. "A 14 year old girl leading the battle. That is what disturbs you, Professor. But she was right: Most battle decisions have been made in the field anyway."
A pause. "Colonel Katsuragi had pretty successful plans against at least two angels, though. What are you gonna do about her?"
"We will not waste her," Gendo answered. "We just need to keep her out of the eyes of the Second and Fourth Child. And there are other facilities in Japan."
Clearly, this was not to Fuyutsuki's liking. Finally, he said, "Are you sure you don't want to supervise the battle?"
"Given the Second Child's current volatility, we must appear as keeping to our agreement at all times," Gendo explained. Then he actually grinned and turned around again. "If you need something to keep you occupied, Professor, you might already begin planning the celebrations for the Second Child. Best to keep a tight leash on that matter, after all. And if she doesn't win..." He looked forward again. "Then it won't matter anyway."